Why Jesus is the best friend you'll ever have and has nothing to do with sex

[ToniSkit]

IT WAS MY PEN PHILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Benjamin2u33]

SEX WITH JESUS ON BOARD WITH JESUS I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE JESUS TO

[badzulu44]

For someone who claims to not want to have sex with Jesus, he sure talks a about how sexy he is, and how he watches guys take their penis out of their pants.

[jennayrubay]

AND, he patched up the glory hole :(

[jennayrubay]

wait wait wait. i thought he was jesus?

[ieye0]

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[xxXXKittyGatoXXxx]

Jesus is awesome:)

[MrxChow]

you sick perverts and your rich negros

[xPeacexLovexHarmonyx]

LMAO. Can anyone else picture this whole video in an episode of family guy? xD

[TheMogBear]

'We're not gay, we're just good friends!' haaaaaahaha I love you <3

[janjohandealgenman]

@TheMogBear

i lol'd at that too XD

[xafez]

Hahaha i like how you make these punishments up as you go. good imagination. you'd make a good warden in hell making sure the punishment system is not standardised. "Hell ! customizing your torture just they way you don't like it" lol 

[xafez]

So he's already listening but when you say his name he listens even more? ha! like he leans in or something right ?

I like people like this guy. their kind a stupid but not really harming anyone. they just fooling themselves. thats cute. it's like when you let your little brother believe in santa or tooth fairy, and let them be happy with the thought

[ddduuurrrppp]

wait in hell we can masterbait sick im gonna take of christainity just so i can go to hell and jack off for eternity

[ddduuurrrppp]

lol 148 people were jaking of to the bible

[ddduuurrrppp]

omfg its a fucking pens lisen to the song survive by rise against becasue it will open ur eyes to the real world

[ddduuurrrppp]

ur not gay just good freinds sound like somebody named jesus is getting laid

[iDirtyDianaX]

why u no have sexy time with haysus? hey i just noticed you kinda look like him... is it cuz you think its like looking at yourself so almost like masturbating and thats sinful according to wackjobs? Religion** oops typo

[JFloydd96]

Eat the kiwi. Eat the kiwi. Yes, that's right, eat those kiwis'.

[182AVA44bcr]

i love how you say "perverts" :D

[BonBon3589]

Jesus loveeeesss Pen Island

[Pwnpitar]

i love the accent on 'wikipedia'

[sithlordsoup]

i was searching for a GTR race video and somehow got pulled into this. wtf.

[imsofuckinhungry]

this man is a comedic genius

[ilytopy]

i wanna get down on my knees n start pleeezin jeeesus

[ImPalacio]

He's a troll right? Or tamtampamela next to be husband? they will have really cute troll babies :D

[mystixfury]

Someone obviously can't get an erection

[Latexxia]

Hi. Go fuck yourself you waste of carbon.

[myselfandme77]

How cute :)

[junktok9]

are you really a chretien or just a dumdum

[neomysterio]

You love Jesus so much that you want to pork him in the ass.

[reggaetonrapper]

LOL, jesus sees me jerk off my big cock to girls getting gangbanged all the time

[H4wk3zz]

i'm gonna go watch some girls dancing in their underwear now... i'm such a sick "Bervert" lol

[H4wk3zz]

you're too funny, man... did you ever get laid with a speach like that?

[tamtampamela]

You're going to wake up one day in hell. Just thought you should know.

[djjeffk]

The next Glenn Beck!

[MintehFreshYah]

Your the sick one, being turned on by people eating kiwis. D:< I MEAN HOW COULD YOU?! KIWIS ARE INNOCENT BYSTANDERDS!

[GamerGod351]

okay........after u got to the part of kiwis and the "bible turns u on" bit.......uuumm CAN I HAVE WHAT UR SMOKING?

[moccasins1000]

You can always count on Jesus to return your pens...

[moccasins1000]

Good.

[videosteini]

You sick burrverts!!!

[Suertsje]

AHAHAHA Ik lach me dood man!

[PaulThePuppetier]

they're eating the kiwiis!!!

[busenbeisser]

one thing i cant undrstand why you ppl call YOHASHWA MASIH jesus christ?

was his really name not good enough for you?

if your name its lets say Mr BLACK and i call you Ms SCHWARZ means in german BLACK, do you look back and talk to me?

no because i am saying your name wrong

[wikkedSeth]

If you look in the mirror and say Jesus five times he'll appear and give you a fish.

[GamerGod351]

@wikkedSeth i didn't get a fish....v.v......

[RogierViHarkema]

What are they gonna do in the small room? Masturbate? Remember, they got spikes on their hands so that would be one 'boring' eternity for them wouldn't it? xD

[thegoodmansonbros]

you taped the hole in the wall

[mrraydean68]

The flesh will die, but when we are born of the Spirit. Worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh. For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ: who shall change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto himself. I count all things as loss, except for the knowledge of Christ Jesus.

[ethrez]

Man jesus certainly didnt want tohave people crazy like you to say stupid shit like this, man you really suck, go out and live your life.. but you for sure made ma laugh ;)

[darkjadice]

Does he believe in unicorns too?

[1intelligent]

Dude you make me laugh!.....your words are true though... in JESUS name, God bless you my friend.

[ChoHenshin]

I love jesus, he gives GREAT head!

[Alphonista]

I want to have sex with Jesus

[Vokio]

@Alphonista I wanna have sex with jesusophile

[annieellatx]

u crak me up. ty for makin me smile today

[lordsigara]

justinU2ber uncle

[syvergutten]

You didn't have friends and people despised you? Gee, I wonder why.

[griffinlobster]

I understand the point of this video...

But I simply CANNOT believe you honestly thought you wouldn't be made fun of for that username.

I mean... come on, man.

[TrilogyLive]

ok tell me something......if were all gods children what makes Jesus so fucking special,

he watches us take a shit too ? that's gross and he just stands there's watching a kid get molested and dosent help!! if you ask me

its all a load of rubbish to keep weak minded people at ease

[Yamakoto120]

This is legendary !!!

[pinkblack179]

BERVERTS

[Danielwaterballoon]

amen

[packlin1]

wow dude you got some weird examples of masterbation

[kbreen5]

but...the masochists get locked up in little cages now! thats hardly punishment...

[bloodandbones9]

Why would you want these sinners to go to hell? Maybe an opposer of the gospel, but not anyone else.

[ArtistTyrant]

people usually grow out of invisible friends by the time they're adults...and it's pretty arrogant to think that your invisible friend is a deity

[sabisabiwa]

YOU ARE A LIAR!!!!! Jesus totally stole my pen one time. He borrowed my pen and never gave it back. If you are reading this Jesus, give me my pen back!

[mandawander]

i know that i'm listening to me.

God isn't real, there is NO real evidence that he is wherever you think he is. it's in your mind, i mean who even wrote 'the bible'

[ignoranttwat]

@mandawander

Well, the first bit is really old and I don't know who wrote that, as for the second bit, the only certain one is Paul the Apostle, the rest is disputed.

[jasonlawmadrid]

jESUS is imaginary. He only exists because you believe he exists. Jesus is real to you just as the God Vishnu is real to a person in India or the Greek God Zeus was real to the Ancient Greeks...As a matter of fact, there are people in the population of 1 billion + people in China who will be born and die and never hear about your God nor will know of theirs. Religion is cultural !

[packlin1]

true that man good way to put it into words

[JJRo14]

jesus could be having a cheeky wank up there.. no ones watching him

[101rino]

this is amazing this changed my look at things ,...... i have god in my life and i make a lot of bad and unfafull things, and now i am a light bulb shining for the lord , i love my god !!!

[sdab06]

Man the Lord Does More Than That.

[wildtanuki]

You don't like human beings much do ya son?

[FinalHeavenVIII]

The parts of your videos where you describe how Jesus & God act remind me of the Family Guy Jesus & God jokes... Do you write those cause they're really similar.

[grosdaraz]

This guy SO jacks off to The Jeez pictures

[RockstarRacc00n]

Sodom was totally hawt until God came and ruined it... hail Satan. >:|

[drakecool2k]

you really need Jesus....coz you will reach a time when all feels num.

[RockstarRacc00n]

Blah Blah Blah. When I reach a time where all feels "num", I turn to Satan, he shows me his love. :|

[drakecool2k]

i knw deep inside you are hurting...turn to him all he does is lie to you....but i know u will see the light soon.

[alexfanx]

I prefer resting in the bosoms of the Goddess.

[roflwafflex123]

You all need god in your life's

[seanThree16]

I love Jesus too, he always returns my pens.

[brush200400]

@seanThree16 he'll turn it into a pencil or maybe a thousand pens

[JokerBunneh]

Oh my gosh. I was pausing this video a couple seconds in to let it load so it wouldn't lag and after it loaded my friend walked in, I hit "unpause". The only thing she heard was "want to have sex with him". Before I unpaused it!!! xD She looked has his name and horrible assumptions were made! I laughed so hard! xDD

[SunnyStorm21]

I feel so stupid. I thought he was serious for a minute..... LOL

[Sh0nin]

Hah, he said "nailed"...

[Brianwulf]

What the fuck?

[butterball1234abcd]

your a jackass too , go fuck a duck

[butterball1234abcd]

ur a fucking JACKASS- how do even walk around this planet without getting your teeth kickout of your stupid face--?

[FairlyGrrl]

You ppl are sick. Like totally revoltingly sickeningly sick. Sick in other words. Vomit.

[010010110001101]

i dont know, if THIS was sarcastic so i rated it -1 ^^

sry, if it was.

[tatinum2]

wow! u didnt have to go all personal with childhood! U KIDDING ME?! half of ur vid was about how another kid in ur class stole a pen from u! stop ur bitching! its just a pen! get over it! we have a word for ur kind in america, CRAZY FUCK! GOD FUCKING BLESS AMERICA!!!

[Inkme2]

So paedophiles are not interested in sex with kids? They just want to love them? Also, I can't why people find the idea of being under constant surveillance so appealing - if we had to lump it because it were true, fair enough, but why invent such a awful scenario? Maybe because the idea is if Skydaddy is constantly watching you, he'll also occasionally help you out - obviously not all time cos he's not that generous.But he might help you if his fancy takes him? That sort of skydaddy sounds mean

[anya88892]

haha u def masturbated before posin this video

[Nizzemancer]

If you love him, why do you call him Cheeseus?

[Sydness]

lmao :)

[sylon8]

Have you ever seen jesus? how do you know he exists?

How do you know that the bible wasnt written by somone that just made it up?

Yet you argue against evolution when you cant even prove your own logic.

[010010110001101]

why are there so many idiots?!

[habsnhiggins]

Um i dont get it so jesus is always watching us thats kinda creepy! Cant he just turn his head when were doing our business? I mean if were perverts for doing it what does that make him?

[010010110001101]

SATIRE!! FUCK, I CAN't STAND IT ANYMORE!! GAAAH!

[habsnhiggins]

I was just messing around clearly joking!

[gayatheist666]

this guy should have his own show

[titi0]

eat the kiwi!

[BrittanyGLE]

So u can't masterbait in heaven?

aw fuck that!

[bboyneko]

This needs way more than 11,000 hits

[Vereonis]

Also jesus and God are the same person -.-

[Vereonis]

Jebuz is dead.

[sleepsong]

I can't tell you how amused I am that I was directed to this as a suggested "related video" after watching a commercial for a razor designed for shaving pussies...

[btway]

I'm surprised there was no reference to the cats that God kills :<

[dakkenly]

This guy is like my twin we even talk the same

[BearBoi69]

Poor guy. :(

nationalspeech[d o t]com

[chee006]

Why are you so funny?

[lukeisduke]

We're friends... the occasional penis graze is still cool among friends. keep posting your views on religion on youtube(?!), I wonder why you don't have any earthly friends

[787Bisurdaddy]

Do you not realize that this is satire? This guy is hilarious.

[tjnickleiii]

OMFG, I love this guy!

[dragonflylizzy]

I think it's kind of sexy how retarded you are LOL

[MOTM47]

you are simply amazing!

[Torchexo]

LMFAO

[mwolfson86]

I was laughing so SO SO hard!

[xholyacucmarinex]

I just Jizzed in my pants....No seriously I watched tis and looked at the bible and jizzled...Now I have to pay 15 dollars for a new keyboard...thanks god just pwned me

[nobrain203]

no jesus will never love you if he doesnt exist. you have to know the facts before you spout your bullshit

[2020bane]

this is my new favorite channel well done

[uglymonsterz]

He always listen,mmm... how many jesus are there..... there are million of people..jesus does not exist... and you do want to have s3x with him...."jesus watching you".. he watch thousand of people get killed... each day... murdered, raped, and die of... JESUS is the devil......he can suck my d'ck... if he even exist...and you are supiddd....

[CamlinMcQuillan]

Who's noticed that this guy talks an awful lot about sex, for someone who seems to find the idea repulsive?

[Winterpeeen]

''Liberate your mind you motherfucker your so narrowminded, so narrowminded''

Disturbed-Liberate

[bumsucker101]

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

[sleepypoodle]

Firstly, I don't believe you went to school or if you did, where were you during the lessons?

Secondly, I'm not surprised you have no friends because you are incredibly narrow minded, prejudiced and brainwashed.

It's a shame you wasted so much time reading ancient works of mythological fiction and superstition instead of intelligent, educational books which is why you are so bigotted and ignorant.

Black people are not called negroes you ignorant prick.

You need psychiatric help.

god isn't real.

[Cooter4sale]

Satire buddy, calm the fuck down.

[Booscy]

"Unholy useless orgasm" Priceless.....

[juanshow10]

wow you r stupit, you must call, dateline, ok, well he is watching you

[BifiHasi]

children are so cruel!

[TheGoddamnSiege]

I can't figure out if this guy is serious or not.

[Propolandante]

he is a genius satire comedian

[cheesenutpea]

pretty lame only like 10% really understands what he is doing. but really great stuff. just subscribed, me and my brother became instant fans =)

[jpgreel]

dude, your videos make no sense

[drinkywater]

actually phil comes from the latin word meaning love like philadelphia the city of brotherly love and so on

[duffeknol]

isn't Godtube the place for this

[drinkywater]

stfu

[duffeknol]

ok!

[Lexie2075]

Jesus is cheating on you with 6 billion other people.

[TheGoddamnSiege]

lulz

[kidnex1]

jesus has a kiwi fetish

[raychitae]

We're not gay, we're just really good friends. Classic.

[isabelwrotethis]

if you press mute, he's actually really hot.

[bertrab87]

lol

[0platypus0venom0]

What? And miss that hot accent and beautiful satire? No thanks!

[dustinsmith92]

Jesus is a good man who doesn't steal pens but preached against the rich. i didn't even think they had pens in like 10 A.D. or whatever.

"eat the kiwi, that's right i know you want it" i lol'd at that so long

also who the hell jacks off to the bible, i want to splooge in it just because i'm a "sick pervert"

[seattleraincloud]

quite a judgemental christian...

[dylantuzyk]

"We're not gay, we're just really good friends"

I lol'd hard at this

[IHaveAMask]

I quit, Instead, I'll fuck the Kiwi.

[tyhk319]

i dont think Jesus gory and nearly naked on the cross gets people on, just bringing it up makes me question this guy

[HellboundAlleee]

You LOVE Jesus. You're not IN LOVE with Jesus. You're NOT GAY. It's not about SEX. You don't want to have SEX with JESUS.. Guy!

[Eroo5]

HAHAHAHAHA, rich negro? youre priceless!! keep making these videos :)

[PeopleFearDarkness]

he has covered up the hole in the wall ! : D

[BarmaidAz]

It's a glory hole...even though he's not gay...just really good friends. lmao

[KamsaTexGirlfriend]

you can trust jesus to not steal your pen, jesus will not borrow a pen and not give it back hahaha

[ahmadsgreat]

ur the best

[Boberuu]

if you love jesus then why do you worship material things, such as curtains . . . even if you pull the curtains jesus can see you wanking my friend

[jackmacshack]

Have you ever read the bible holyshit Jesus would kick your ass.Jesus can't steal he made the World. The World is his. (you should know I am Jesus and if I see you I will kick you ass)

PS: Your going to hell bitch

[StompinDino]

Go on, eat the kiwi... xD

[khyran]

1:04 NOW I understand...

[khyran]

Is this guy serious? Can't stop laughing xD xD

[hiccup5rader]

Fucking priceless!!! Great vids man - you make more sense than anyone else on youtube ;P

[szomjas11]

you have some serious issues besides the fact, that you are really dumb

[foxfire06320]

we're not gay, we're just really good friends... HA HA HA HA HA... you just can't make this stuff up!

[gobacktoalaska]

rich negro? you couldn't just say a pop musician or rapper? you give a pretty bad name to christians, who have a pretty bad rep to begin with in america. and i'm sure having spikes in your hands won't stop people from masturbating. you've got to get a new obsession other than homosexuals and their sexual relationships.

[gobacktoalaska]

this dude is silly.

[brandonk604]

JESUS WOULD NEVER TAKE YOUR PEN GUYS!!

Holy fuck....

[Razkal2nr]

Jesus doesn't exist, God is a lie...i hope i added some clarity to your sorely deluded and misguided life.

Humans need to realize religion is inplace as a means of control and 'order', you are responsible in every possible way for yourself and the only accountable being for your actions...god isn't going to pull the "assist" for you in the last minutes of this game called life. Get that clear.

[k0ekjebakker]

totally agree... but this is a joke

[kidfreundlich]

jesus totally just watched me taking out my penis from my pants and masturbating to your video... and I think he liked it

[TheSayNoToDrugsGuy]

oh, he definitely did. why do you think he "created" us for? he got bored in heaven and decided to watch guys masturbate on Earth. so i guess in a nutshell, masturbation is the purpose of life...huh.

[silversilver1975]

You have lost your mind young man.Sexuailty is the integral part of who we are,so next time you masturbate,you should be less worried about burning in hell because of it.Real Jesus is within any of us,so he knows you have a need for sex,and if you want to be his friend,do something good for someone,without any interest.You have much to learn in order to say something about spirituality.Anyway I do think you're a selfish egoist in need of attention on youtube.Grow up,and cut the bs.