This video shows me some of the pain birthmothers can suffer after surrendering their children, but I don't understand why exactly it is an argument for stopping the whole practice of adoption. I can understand how it could support a call to ensure that open adoptions remain open, from Jackie's story.
It's also implied, however, that the way adoption is practiced has "separated babies from capable, loving mothers," but no one in the clip explains how this was the case for them.
No one mentioned/explained if they were willing and felt able to care for the children themselves, but were forced or tricked by their parents or social workers or adoption agencies to surrender the children instead. For example, if their decisions were not voluntary or fully informed, as is implied, who did persuade or compel them to let their children be adopted? Who did take the children away from them? Did I miss something? Can someone explain this to me?
@arlyn515 i agree. its hard for me to be persuaded that these were capable mothers when they do not explain a. why they were able to take care of their children and b. what specific flaws in the system overlooked their capability.
@iReadPennyDreadfuls try the fact that most of them were brainwashed when they were coerced into surrendering their child. thats one flaw in the system for you. as regards to why they were able to care for their child, you can't just take a child away from it's mother, that bond runs deeper than than can be measured.
All three of my friend's kids were supposed to have been late term abortions. Thank God, on her oldest the water broke and his birthgrandmother could no longer force his birthmother to go through with it. (A birthmother he loves and meets often) The twins birthmother changed her mind the day of the scheduled abortion and went to an agency instead . She has met the twins only once...Probably because she has kept them secret from her mother,kids and friends.
What a bunch of very unhappy, severely depressed and sad women!. Adoption did not destroy their lives, life itself did. I can't stand women that blame incidents for their misery. The fact is, they are simply unhappy people. Adoption has nothing to do with it. Get a life!
As an adoptee, I don't feel like birth mothers should be saying they "lost their child to adoption." Ultimately it comes down to you, and no one can make that choice for you. Essentially you lost your child to your own decision. And there are adoptees like me who have questions that will never be answered because of a closed adoption. When will MY birth mother come find me? ='(
As an adoptee, I don't feel like birth mothers should be saying they "lost their child to adoption." Ultimately it comes down to you, and no one can make that choice for you. Essentially you lost your child to your own decision. And there are adoptees like me who have questions that will never be answered because of a closed adoption. When will MY birth mother come find me? ='(
oh and as for the state "wrongfully" removing the kids, DOUBT IT! The state removes kids from dangerous situations and from abusive, neglectful and selfish parents who have no right to have their kids. My sister is a foster mom and we see it every day. You people breed like cattle and think its fine. Its sick.
@jendoane Many children are abused by foster carers and adopters, and also stolen by the State for adoption. Check out all of the YouTube videos on CPS corruption. Attend the Shedding Light on Adoption conference in NYC (September). Educate yourself. Do you know how many mentally-unbalanced people adopt babies? Their money and infertility mean squat. Read Dr Rickarby's submission. People who deceive mothers about adoption are the sickos who shouldn't breed. Why did you?
@asynkronos You are totally right about the the problems with foster homes in many cases. I am not going to sugar coat it. But, for every bad one there are many good ones and it still does not justify people who are clearly not qualified to be a parent hanging on to their babies simply as if these kids were possesions. if everyone would think of the childs emotional needs first instead of their own for once.The ability to get pregnant does not make you an able parent.
@jendoane We're well aware of exceptions, and support kinship fostering in those cases. It's the standard of practice in every civilized country. I've been a therapeutic foster carer for adolescent girls and dealt with "foster-to-adopt" people. Our motives are quite different. Also, most mothers coerced to surrender their babies were pregnant, not abusive, neglectful or in any way inadequate. Most adoptions are a travesty. The children were stolen.
@disturbedgir11 No, you stop trying to justify the abuse and neglect of your and other children by hiding behind biological "rights". Sorry but I see way to many sorry kids stuck with teen moms who have no clue how to raise and support a child. What I did was make the uncowardly choice, what you did is selfish, self serving and disgusting. You are the coward, and you can ask my daughter for yourself, we talk every day.
it is very true what the one woman said about her parents having to sign something saying that if she decided to keep her baby, they would have to pay for everything. That is a very common thing at maternity homes. They say it casually, but it is really just another warning that you better play by their rules or else.
I think in my case its much different my child came from abuse, and was abandoned by her mother left to be sexually abused by her teen father at 3 yrs old , she feels alot of anger toward them both, but still I know she loves her mom underneath it all and really wants to see her, when ever she gets out of jail again. So as the adoptive mom I hope you can understand how hard it is being an adoptive parent, some time it really stinks..
3) as a mom who has adopted and as my daughter foster parent I had all the info ready for her we also found all her sisters on myspace because I had the kids names. but sadly they do not talk to each other and my childs mother is still in jail but her mom write to her, but she seems to not want anything to do with her birth mom. my daughter is 18 and has still not met any of her five sibs or mom but has talked on the phone..
2) I think in the long run it can be healther for both partys to know they will meet again in a few yrs. and I think it will be of help to us the adoptive parents dealing with the why did my parents not keep me question.
at 18 they will have the answers they can get for them self by adoption law to know the answers they deserve.
1.birth parents make video write letters and by law are saved for any adopted child to be veiwed by the child on the childs 18th birthday. even if its not who you are but just why u gave them up with health back ground. that can be updated by the birth family until the childs 18th birthday.
although i do agree that the adoption industry needs significant changes, and that too many children are relinquished, i do NOT believe there should be no adoptions. sometimes there are circumstances that endanger the child, and in those cases, it could be better away from that.
but a person should never give their child up due to pressure or because of a lack of money - something should be done to help anyone who wants to keep their child.
Most children are surrendered by their mothers under duress. This includes international adoptions. Mothers are deceived by adoption agencies and lawyers who don't care at all about us and our children. They do this for profit. No money should EVER change hands in adoption. People who pay to adopt and who lie to mothers are perpetrating an atrocity. Mothers and children are killing themselves from the pain. Adoption is based on deception and pretense. The entire system is corrupt.
@asynkronos That is such a lie. Especially in this day and age. Most mothers know exactly what they are doing and even get to choose their babys adoptive parents. This is not the 1950's and adoption can be such a positive and open experience. Its such a shame that people dont get the facts before posting.
@jendoane Deception and coercion ended in the 1950's? Nonsense. Read the latest false propaganda produced by the adoption industry, including adopter Charles Kenny's "Birth Mother, Good Mother." Infant adoption is a criminal scam. About 80% of "open" adoptions are closed by adopters. Open adoption is one of many dishonest tactics used to con mothers out of their babies. People who feign concern for children and deceive mothers about adoption are despicable, and quite common.
Adoption is a big lie....they lied to all of us. As an adoptee, I have been destroyed by what my mother was forced to do. It destroyed her, she died before I could ever meet her. Even having found my answers, I feel like a condemned person. Even having a loving relationship with my father, I am still to this day being destroyed by the world around me. I know why adoptees committ suicide. It's hard to stay strong in all of this.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this hell. I know why mothers kill themselves, too. It makes me so angry that most people don't care and even try to justify separating mothers and children, as if we were a danger to each other. It's insane. My child would have been much better off with me, and me with him. How easy it is to justify other people's loss and pain. Adoption is a big, huge, sick LIE but we're the only ones with the guts and honesty to say it.
As an adoptive mother, I can tell you that's why we chose an agency that's for open adoption and is very supportive of birth parents. Parents should (almost) never be forced to relinquish children (I believe that irreversable child abuse and neglect is the only good reason). Birthparents should CHOOSE (freely) to place kids.
As a mother who lost her only child to adoption when she was a child herself, this is how birth mothers truly feel in the majority of cases. I live with my decision every single day even 34 years later.
I think all adopted children should be able to decide after 18 if they want to meet there birth family. it should be in place with a letter and photos or video by law at 18 to view by the adult child.
my childs mom writes her from prison not always easy but its not about me.
my child who I adopted looked up her moms name on myspace and we found her on that along with all five brothers and sisters. she is 17 now and was in foster care with us first beforeshe was adopted so we had alot of info on her birth family. add a baby pic if you have one with the state the baby was born. you will be serprized how easy it is to find people that way. also face book but teens like myspace better.leave it open to the public to view. good luck.
blah blah blah wtf does jesus have to do with this? The virgin mary had a husband who provided for her first of all. Second Jesus was the son of god and had his destiny mapped out for him from birth. The rest of us just have to make it up as we go along.
WE NEED TO TAKE UP ARMS AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT ...IT IS OUR RIGHT TO REBEL...READ UR CONSTITUTION....IF U agree with me..contact me at azzy starz on myspace...
I'm just starting the process to find my real mom and its been 41 years and I feel like I dont know who I am despite being raised in a loving home...I hope to find her and show her how I turned out and to show her that she has beautiful granddaughters...this is the biggest thing I've undertaken and I hope in the end all of the emotion and time put in to this is worth it...My mother was only 15 at the time but I have nothing but love for her...
I can not stand looking at blogs of families highlighting adoption . I think of all the women who may have lost their children as the state has wrongfully removed them. The proff is they will not open the closed adoption cases if they children/adults fall critically ill.They are more concerned in covering up what goes on in closed court with ££ making a and lots of maladministration of evidence.
Mums, You all have my sincere sympathy. After being reunited with my mum and hearing what she went through because she had no choice but to give me up, and doing some reading and talking with a dozen other mums, I understand you. Please don't take any ignorant comments to heart. I would not have wanted to be in your position when I had my son 15 years ago. It would have broken my heart to have to give up my son, and my heart was already broken, because I lost my mum when I was born.
When faced with an unplanned pregnancy ANY choice made by the birth mother will have a huge impact on her life. If you an adoptive parent reading this,it doesn't mean that you are responsible for the evils done by others in the world. This is not a personal attack. Let us have our grief. Mourn our loss. Cry our tears. Closed adoption on even the happiest families don't allow us to know our child is ok. Adoption in theory is a great idea. So was Crystal Pepsi....
I like your analogy. We are faulted even for expressing our pain and grief, and warning other women about the lies told by adoption pushers. They don't want expectant mothers to know the facts because they'd keep their babies, which is all most want anyway. Why does the TRUTH offend adopters? Most don't care about our feelings. It proves that adoption is all about them and what they want, not about what children need.
It surely doesn't. We are told how unselfish and mature we are BEFORE, then treated like dirt AFTER they get our babies. It shows what a lie and scam the whole thing is. I don't know a single mother who wasn't lied to in 'counseling,' or who was warned of the terrible pain to come, for herself and her child. Those who do this to us have no conscience and no empathy. They lie to themselves and others to justify what they've done. They're sociopathic.
EXACTLY! I have a legally "Closed" adoption but the adoptive family is one I chose and knew on a personal level as a child. We practice what they refer to as a "Progressive Open" adoption which means that I get contact as long as I follow their rules. It doesn't matter the situation. It's not normal to give your child away! All lies. I didn't need somebody to convince me to give my baby away.... I needed support to help me know I could do it myself. My insecurities were used against me.
sorry to hear that. Sometimes I think that closed adoption is easier. I don't think I could handle having SOME contact, I would always want more. Seeing my child, knowing I made a mistake and then seeing my child would make me want to grab him and run. I think "open" adoption is just another ploy to coerce natural mothers - notice how open adoption became very popular around the time that mores loosened and more unwed mothers were choosing to try and keep their babies.
the world doesn't care once the baby is out. no one even wants to talk about it, it has to be like it never happened. And most adoptive parents like it that way, they want to pretend the baby really is THEIRS.
I am even more thankful for my daughters parents after reading some of the comments on here! I couldn't imagine being lied to or trashed by the people I gave MY child to. We as birth parents deserve respect & if u as adoptive parents agree to an OPEN adoption it should not be changed out of the blue to benefit YOUR own needs. THINK about the CHILD instead of yourself. My daughters parents actually talked me into an open adoption & will NEVER lie to her because it is beter for HER that it is open
I "CHOSE" Adoption 4 my 2nd born. That is the key word... CHOSE. I am sorry if this is going sound inconsiderate. However, adoption is a wonderful thing & maybe I just got lucky, but I thank God 4 my daughters parents everyday! I was raped & chose life 4 my daughter. I don't get how someone can say they were FORCED into adoption (unless it was WAY back when). I will say, however...
Have you helped thousands of mothers in closed and 'open' adoptions, and researched these problems. We have. This video is about what happened to us and how we feel. Are you calling us liars?
My mum was indeed forced into adoption by a heartless society who would not support a poor, single 19 year old woman, whose 25 year old boyfriend ran off, and whose parents told her "not to bring that bastard (me) into our house". She was offered no housing, work, welfare, money, nothing; no way to keep me. She was repeatedly told that I would be better off without her. My mother had NO choice.
Amen Mommy! I chose adoption as well and it was the one of the smartest bravest most unselfish things i have ever done for my child. She is an amazing person now with loving parents who we are all very close with. perhaps these people should have chosen better adoption agencies to go through and done the research that I did to make sure they were getting what they were promised.
Actually there is plenty you can do about it. This is why you as a birth mom need to get legal representation also. I have a legally binding contract that the adoptive parents and I both signed and a judge then signed off on which map the legal terms of the adoption. They decree that they are manditorily required to send me pictures and update me every 6 months. If they break these laws I also have the legal right to drag them into court and sue them for visitation rights per my contract.
For the most part, the moms were very young and did not have a say in the choice of the agency. You really need to listen to these mothers stories and read Anne Fessler's book, THE GIRLS WHO WENT AWAY. These young women were sent to unwed mother's homes by their families. They didn't have a choice in the agency or the home. Way back then??? It's still happening.
"We as adopted mothers after looking at this video are left to feel that our whole lives raising our children was a lie" "I was not a babysitter for 18 years I am his mother."
This is very sad. Our loss is our loss. Our pain is our pain. None of that has anything to do with YOU, or any other adopter. Your insecurities are raging and I really feel sorry for you and hope you get some professional help. No one can make you feel inferior but yourself (E. Roosevelt).
Putting children - even as adults - in a tug-of-war is what is done in very sick divorces. Healthy people do not act on feelings of being threatened by another's education or achievements in life. How sad hone studies cannot screen out such traits and avoid allowing children to live with people who cannot accept the child AND his family of origins!
"If you really cared about your kid you would embrace your child's mom"
Another important reason for this is that putting down your child's mother is putting down your child. Any child who had taken biology in school knows about heredity!
To continue with publicly abusive messages about your child's mother is to put your child in the middle. Do really want to force him to chose?
What difference does it make how her education was funded? It all points to just one thing: You are fixated on jealousy and feel very threatened and inadequate by the level of education your son's mother has accomplished.
You were perhaps surprised that she is not a crack whore, or sad, pathetic creature. People grow and change in 18 years. Teenage years are not stagnant and frozen in time. people grow and change, some of us for the better.
You make many assumption and judgments. IF someone's father did pay for their education, that may have been contingent upon her giving up her child. You don't know. Do you know that she didn't work while in school and pay for it herself?
I repeat I have been a victim of a closed adoption.I am still looking for my Birthmom,I am 21,I hate my adoptive fam right now.I hate the government,and i hate adoption legislators......PLUS!!!! Folks no need to worry,,,I have sent a letter to the legislators of the "closed records for good law"And Myself and my team are going to open all sealed adoption records on august the 23rd. 2008, Trust me there is hope I will be the one to stop this B.S. once and for all....
masue, bugsobrite, now I can see why it is so hard to find people who are willing to give up their baby for adoption in the U.S..It is because of people like you;calling birth mom a skank, complaining about reunions of the child to their "reason for life" mom. If you really cared about your kid you would embrace your child's mom, because she is not only important for the child (to know how and why he is here), but also important because your child wouldn't even be here without her.
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Birth "moms" Over 18: if you sign on the dotted line-DON'T WHINE. OH! and don't be unfit either. Ya think? Gee-how is that other people have to take care of YOUR CHILDREN????? How did that happen? This is pure hysteria......whiny, whiny, whinyyyyyyy
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I agree with you, after all the years you spend with your child the birth mother shows up one day and trys to disrupt our lives to complete hers. I was not a babysitter for 18 years I am his mother. I have nothing to do with what you did years before
Oh my, what an incredibly heartless thing to say. Having to let go of a child in any circumstance is traumatic, I hope you never have to experience such pain, and if you did how would you feel if someone called you a whiner? I too, am a birthmother who was promised pictures and information that I never got. My son's adoptive parents told him I didn't want him. This left him feeling unloved and now he hates his adoptive family. This isn't how it was supposed to work. It is very painful.
I must say i am completly shocked after seeing this and my heart goes to any affected by those circumstances. Adoption can be a good thing in the certain circumstances, i dont know how some people can do that.
Sexism is the root of this evil perpetrated upon birth mothers and their children. No human mother should suffer at the hands of wicked people who defy the laws of Nature and the Laws of God. Procreation is a gift and a right, not a privilege. Grow up, Mankind!
Advocates of adoption are quick to say that birth parents didn't want them and gave them up, etc., but they don't see the real reason that many parents made that choice. All too often it was through coercion and being fed lies after lies that it would be best for the child. The damage is extremely traumatic on parents and children. They often say that adoption was the last resort. That should mean that they already personally tried to help the families themselves. Rarely, have they ever met them
This is more proof of what CPS is really about and the crimes they commit against humanity to make a quick buck... while if the kid is not adopted he gets stuck in foster care where I was abused and many horrible things happened to many of us... it's so disgusting... these people are animals...
I used to think that adoption was the best option for the mother and child in situations where the mother is poor/teen mom. I recently read a book called "The Girls Who Went Away", and it completely changed my opinion on this subject. I now believe these women should be given all possible resources and encouraged to keep the child. Adoption is NOT the best choice-this option will leave grief on the REAL mother comparable to death of a child.
They should also consider how they re-enter the child's life........We did nothing but take care and love the children who are adopted. We as adopted mothers after looking at this video are left to feel that our whole lives raising our children was a lie
my brother is adopted, his birth mother didn't want him. he's been with us since he was three, he is 18 now. he is 100% a member of our family. i can't imagine the trauma it would cause him if his birth mother changed her mind and wanted to be "mom" now.
We just went through this 2 weeks ago. She said she had no money to take care of him and now shows up after 18 years. She told my son that the agency talked her into adoption. Meanwhile she comes from a well off family and goes on to get a PHD. Where did the money come from for that, I bet daddy! Now she wants to enter our world and try to undo what she said she was unable to do 18 years ago. Education is very expensive...I just wonder!!! and how educated if she is unaware of feel
It makes me not even want to adopt. I feel so bad for you, I'm so sorry. I bet she doesn't want to fork up for his college education now does she? Nooo, YOU'RE supposed to do that. Wave that in the skank's face I bet she runs screaming. No one could talk me out of giving my child up for anything, all this talk of coercion is just pure and utter bs and misplaced guilt.
Adopton is all about money. When I was in the maternity home, most of the girls came from "well off" families. Their parents left them there to rot. Just because mommy and daddy have money doesn't mean that the daughter had access to it. Why didn't you have a baby yourself? My guess is that you couldn't. So does this mean that you are entitled to someone else's child? How much did you pay for your son? It costs a lot of money to get a healthy baby. Do you still want to talk about money?
i work with children who have been abandoned by their birth parents and raised in orphanages. As a person whose life's passion is to help and heal the hearts of abandoned children, i don't feel any kinship with the birth-mothers on this site. i think that a child's good should always be considered before a parents, that's what being a parent is. The women here seem mostly concerned for themselves and not their children- some of whom are probably doing great in their adoptive families!
Adoption is not a natural act. Not being able to leave the hospital with ones own baby is not natural. My god you can't even adopt a baby puppy from the humane society until it about 6 to 8 weeks old. Adoption is all about money.
Everything you said is so very true!!! And you know, I never thought of the puppy age before. You're absolutely right. Puppies have more rights than humans.
THere are so many misconceptions about adoption - and now look at what they are doing to the 400 plus children of the cultists they just discovered. They are trying to place them all into foster care. WHy not keep the mothers together with all the children and let them care for the children while this is being sorted out- without the men being involved? WHY DO WE ALWAYS TURN TO SEPARATION AND LOSS? WE TREAT ZOO ANIMALS MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!
The system destroys the birth mother inside. Even though she may eventually become functional, she always has a hole, in all the cases I am familiar with. THe system is too quick to offer adoption to women in crisis. THey should be going through a checklist of possible solutions (as they now do in So. Australia, where private adoptions are illegal), and then find a relative or someone to raise the child within its own family. 90% or the cases would be solved that way, I believe.
The young lady with the black glasses who keeps crying comes off as selfish. Her concerns are for herself and being cut out of the equation. Sounds like she expected an adoptive family to raise take both her and the child for all time. She comes off as utterly selfish and self centered. I hear her talking about her needs, not those of the child. The adoptive family wisely may have made the decision to remove this neurotic woman from their ilves.
wow, you are so awfully wrong it cannot even be measured. You obviously have NO idea what youre talking about. As a birthmom, we have EVERY right to know about our children! You dont like it?... go make a baby for yourself... cant?... then take the deal you can get because birthmoms are not your babyfactories we have deep feelings and they should come first along with OUR child's!
As an adoptee - you are wrong jendoane. Walking away from your own child is selfish & mentally unstable. A good mom does what it takes to "get it together", including making sacrifices for her child, not 'sacrifice" her child. My mother was forced to give me away - I would NEVER have forgiven her if she had chosen to do such a hideous act on her own. She was my mother, regardless of her circumstances, and NO ONE, including you, jendoane, has the right to say I should've been elsewhere.
well, as a birth mother who speaks to her adopted daughter every single day, I know that I made the right choice. It sadly tends to be selfish women who would rather "keep their child in poverty and mental unstability no matter what" rather than make the toughest but most loving choice on earth, to place their child in a loving stable home where they can have everything they need and deserve. My child who I relinquished and I BOTH agree I made the absolute best unselfish choice.
I'm glad you feel that way. However I managed to keep my daughter because my sister got me legal help. I graduated from high school and college.I married a decent man when she was 10. She was never abused or neglected. What scarred us both is the time in the maternity home and emotional and financial cost of two years spent fighting the system--all because I was underage. I had no criminal record. I got good grades. Btw, my daughter is a wonderful person.
no, actually being selfish and keeping your child when you have no way of providing for them or giving them a better life is what is selfish and mentally unstable. Only emotionally selfish and lonely people would keep a child that they then expect everyone else to pay for because they cant take care of it. Welfare is what happens next and that is just sad. Dont try to convince people that you are keeping your kid for THEIR sake youre keeping them because you want something to love, get a puppy!
How would you like to be drugged after giving birth, some even were handcuffed to the bed and forced to sign falsified documents to give up their babies for adoption.
Some were told that their babies had died at birth, only to find out that they were alive via a abusive phone call from the adopted child.
So take off your blinkers and broaden your outlook!
Unrelated strangers with money are irrelevant. Children are happiest growing up with their natural mothers' love, surrounded by their own kin. We are the people most like them, who understand them best. Most adoptions are unnecessary. When one or both parents are unable to raise their child, the extended family is by far the next best alternative. Please google 'Origins NSW Rickarby submission.' Mothers are innocent until proved guilty. Insult the criminals who lied to us.
@asynkronos and what makes a "natural mother". DNA? How is a mom more "natural" if she is beating her kid, smoking crack and living in a car VS a mom who adopted her kid but loves, nurtures and protects them in every way a mom can? Being a mom is not just pushing a baby out your vag and screaming "its mine!" and that is all I am reading here. Its pathetic.
@jendoane Natural mothers pressured to surrender their babies are rarely abusive drug addicts. Speak for yourself. You aren't a real mother by your own definition, just a used vagina and some DNA. It's cowardly to malign other natural mothers rather than admit you're abnormal compared to most of us. Also, why don't you mention abusive, drug-addicted adopters? Are you with an adoption agency? Any narcissistic wingnut with money can adopt a baby. Google Dr Rickarby's submission.
@jendoane Dna is nothing to do with it its becuse of attunement when your mother looks into your eyes it conects to them and makes brain conections at 1000 a second this is why babies bond to mothers.its dificult for a baby to redo this after 4 weeks, so if you were in care from 1 month to say 4 months oops or you were born as i was permeture then things are a lot more dificult.jeff adoptee also aspie and carer...
and you by the way dont have the right to tell someone who cares more about their child than themselves that THEY are mentally unstable. Its people like you who are making this country fall apart. SELFISH!
You have to understand how hard society was on these young women. "Get it together"? Society wouldn't let a mother get it together. I had my daughter in 1983. No one would rent to me. I couldn't get anyone to employ me, even though I had an excellent work history prior to getting pregnant.The principle tried to force me out of high school. If I had been a widow, people might have been more sympathetic. The priest at the Catholic church wouldn't baptize my daughter unless I was married.
@maggiebridget09 sorry but the catholic church in particular is full of ignorance, bigotry and poverty stricken families with way to many kids. That would explain the bulk of your problems right there... get away from the catholic church!
As an adoptive mom of 3, I have to say that some situations are positive. My oldest daughter and her birth parents have a very good semi-open relationship. We meet them yearly and all enjoy catching up. They thank my husband and me for raising their daughter and doing a great job. As with everything, there are good outcomes and poor ones. Adoption is a wonderful option for some and was the only way for me to have a family.
Even if I did choose to meet her one day, I would never call her my mother. I absolutely respect and am grateful for what she did. But she didn't raise me. She had no contact with me. I have amazing parents... my adoptive parents ARE my parents. I would never be able to call my birthmother my mom.
You are in an awkward position, due to the adoptive process and system in place, so it is understandable that you would not want to hurt your adoptive parents, or that you would feel disloyal or wrong about calling her 'mom'. I would bet that she would understand that(your birthmother). Most of us are normal people.
Being adopted myself, I have to honestly say that I'm not quite sure how I feel about this video. I've never met my birthmother. I do, however, know that she was 15 and on welfare.
I live with an amazing family. Two financially stable parents who love me more than anything in the world. I've received a top notch education. I have an amazing life. And there's no way I'd choose a life with my birthmother over this.
I always think that God gets credit for many things He doesn't do,a nd doesn't get credit for many things He does. Who are we to say? I don't have a direct line to Him- He does not confide in me personally.
Judgements are harsh, it seems in this arena. You just had to be there, I guess, to understand. Of course, we birthmothers wanted the best for our children- and too bad money had so much play in the way things turned out.
As a birthmother I understand that my positive experience with placing my child for adoption was indeed a blessing. I feel so awful for those birthmothers, first mothers, biological moms, who have to go through pain because the system needs to be overhauled. My adoption was in WI and I must say, they got it right! I had to appear before a judge and he quizzed me to make sure this is what I WANTED. He made the decision if I could sign papers.
disgrasfull system people in authority making desions that should never be allowed money politics lack of education what system have we that allows this shame on the authorityes world wide that let this happen and still continues to happen at what cost will it take to stop this.
Adoption is a very sore subject for everyone involved,women who could not concieve,women who had to relinquish,the adoptees.We all hurt.Natural mothers had no choice,don't slag them off,what right have you got,do you not think they have gone through enough.The adoptees do not need to hear you slag there mums off either,and the women and men who adopt these children are there mothers and fathers they loved and nurtured them.Adoptees have two sets of mothers.
Thank you so much for your bravery and radical honesty! As one who was lost, alienated and wounded, please know that many of us are also healing, raising our children with love and making meaning by making change in the system, thanks in part to being able to hear voices like yours! with gratitude -- a bastard out of vermont
If a woman chooses to give up her child, then she can't blame others for her decision! These women are not victims. In most cases, they just want someone else to pay for raising their child. How selfish.
Such an interesting opinion that you voice here- how are you connected to adoption? What has your experience been? Have you been in the position of being told that if you loved your child, you would relinquish him/her to the care of others?
There is so much work to be done regarding adoption. It seems, from the earlier comments, that adopters have no sympathy for the mother of their child... the child who is the birthright of another woman. Expectant mothers are not supported prior to giving birth; instead agencies cajole and coerce them into giving up their child when what is really needed is assistance to keep the mother and her child together.
Do you think adoptive parents should give the birth mother money? Think again. They don't owe you anything. If you don't want to give your baby up for adoption, then don't do it. But don't blame the people who take care of that child because you chose not to.
It is a horrendous choice to have to make and in crisis, it is not a fair choice, hardly a choice at all. Of course others are to blame when the 'choice' is made by other people who are in authority and no support, as in encouragement, or other pathways are pointed out to allow her to keep child. It isn't about money- it is about confidence and faith in one's self.
I am a birthmother. You have no idea what you are talking about here. I believe it must make you feel better about taking another woman's child and raising it as your own to hold this poor opinion of birthmothers. Women and girls who relinquish are not in a normal state of mind, for the most part. They are in crisis, desperate to provide something better for their children, and because of this, they make short sighted decisions.
yizbieta, if I was your birthchild, I would be ashamed.
"I believe it must make you feel better about taking another woman's child and raising it as your own" -- that is the most disgusting thing I've ever read in my entire life. My adoptive mother couldn't HAVE children. But she's the most wonderful woman I've ever met in my life.
I'm not saying all adoptions end up as a good thing. But I don't consider the woman who gave birth to me as being my mother. The woman who raised me is my mother.
I am not sure why this comment of mine upsets you so, but I am sorry that it did. Out of context, it is not representative of what I was talking about, really. This is not a black and white situation, as there are many sides to each case.
Well, I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. I think by the time I read that comment, I was getting incredibly frustrated. I didn't mean it as harshly as I said it. And for that, I apologize.
My adopted mother couldn't concieve a child. Instead she adopted. She choose me as second rate to her "better" option of having her own.I respect my adopted mother as do I respect my natural mother. It caused emotional discomfort meeting my natural mother as does it cause emotional discomfort knowing I was second rate to my adoptive mother.I am very blessed and happy, I have four wonderful children and a loving/ly husband. At times in my young adult life i didn't feel i fit in with any family.
My adopted mother couldn't concieve a child. Instead she adopted. She choose me as second rate to her "better" option of having her own.I respect my adopted mother as do I respect my natural mother. It caused emotional discomfort meeting my natural mother as does it cause emotional discomfort knowing I was second rate to my adoptive mother.I am very blessed and happy, I have four wonderful children and a loving/ly husband. At times in my young adult life i didn't feel i fit in with any family.
WIth all due respect, I doubt that God did this to you, because then He also created another woman who was having too many children that she did not know how to care for, so you could adopt her? THis is the kind of propaganda we were told also, as pregnant teens, in an unwed mother's home, "These people cannot have children, so it must be meant to be that your child should go to them." I don't think GOd did ANY of this. I think these are human failures and frailties. I doubt God plays games.
In that sense, He will deny those who use another persons grief to justify their own wrong doings. Let God be the moral judge. Don't you dare assume that you can speak for God.
My adopted mother couldn't concieve a child. Instead she adopted. She choose me as second rate to her "better" option of having her own.I respect my adopted mother as do I respect my natural mother. It caused emotional discomfort meeting my natural mother as does it cause emotional discomfort knowing I was second rate to my adoptive mother.I am very blessed and happy, I have four wonderful children and a loving/ly husband. At times in my young adult life i didn't feel i fit in with any family.
In Southern Australia, girls and women are now supported, in 99% of the cases, to keep their families intact by virtue of authorities showing these mothers how to overcome the obstacles they feel prevent them from being ideal and good mothers- which is what we all want for our children. Adoption is a PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM and needs to be seriously reformed, as they have successfully done in Southern Australia.
There are exceptions- of course- and I have said that. I was not a drug addict, nor were any of the others I have met, except for one, and this is out of over one hundred birthmothers that I have met personally, and heard stories from. We should not make a ruling or implement a procedure that stoops to the lowest among us, do you think? This woman sounds unstable to say the least, but she is not typical, I can tell you that.
I understand that there are issues that adoptive parents have had to deal with- such as infertility, and I feel for those people who struggle with this, but I would not think of severing one of my limbs and donating it to an amputee- even if I love that amputee with all my heart- because that would leave me without one of my limbs wouldn't it? Adoption is quite the same thing.
Darn right I am deeply resentful. Resentful that, as the mother of a son I didn't meet for 49 years, I found him deeply crippled emotionally and physically! My raised children are fine! He would have been better off with me.
The popular phrase about adoption is that it creates families. But it really tears families apart, doesn't it?
No one likes to look at these things. It should not even be an option that is given. It is a practice that is utterly without conscience. Do some research- read up on the statistics. It is not pretty up close.
OF COURSE the birth parents are strangers- the child was taken away at birth! How could they know their own child/parents? This is an UNNATURAL SITUATION that is created by adoption out of the misfortunes of women and girls in crisis. People who are supposedly better- which usually means in a better position- are raising another person's child because, in most cases, the birth mother feels inadequate- and is supported in feeling that way about her capabilities.
I've got to agree with you here, calliebethsmommy.
I'm adopted myself.. and I have no desire to find my birthmother. As I've said in other comments, I'm totally grateful and respectful toward her... but I have an amazingly loving family and a great life. I don't feel the need to go back and find her. My parents are my adoptive parents. Nobody else.
It would cause far too much trauma for me to even meet her.
(These, my comments, are general.) No one is asking you to look up your birthmother-or replace your adoptive parents- you sound angry and fiercely loyal to your adoptive parents, as is typical and warranted-since you were raised by them and not your birthmother. How would you know what it would have been like had she had the chance to raise you?
I received a letter from her that she wrote to me 8 days before I was born. In the letter, she told me she was 15 and that the only way she would've been able to raise me is if she had been on welfare.
I really can't imagine having a better life in that situation than I do now.
Of course you can't imagine it-since you didn't have it. It is interesting- my daughter got divorced and has two boys- she was very poor- and struggled so much until recently- thought they would be better off with someone better equipt to give them everything- I told her my experience of loss and regret and, of course, she kept her boys and they are a wonderful family. I told her this was a temporary problem, and it would pass. I wish someone had told me that because it is true.
No one in their right mind gives up their own child. It is obviously a case of those in authoritative and powerful positions taking advantage of women in crisis. Adoptions should NEVER take place unless the child has no living relatives, or is in permanent and serious danger.
Well, people do give up their child because they can't financially support that child. It sounds like the women here wanted others to give them money to keep and raise their child. There is simply no entitlement to free money to raise your child. These women need to grow up. If you can't support a child, then quit having sex without using birth control. If you can't control your sex drive, then get therapy or counseling. But don't give your child up and then claim you were "victimized".
Have you heard of rape? How would you suggest a child, who was the victim of rape then coerced into giving up her child at the age of 16, prepare herself for a life without her first (and sometimes only) child? Common sense studies have found that it is best that mothers raise their own children.. it benefits both the child and the parent as well as society. Read-you'll learn a bunch of interesting facts!
Do you live in America? Do you realize how many single (either divorced or never married) women are raising children? Do you realize that many of them are doing a great job of it- even though they are not getting money from someone else- even the father of their child? Or some do well and have support of some kind from family or friends, or even the government. The point is, families remain intact. Splitting up a family is often quite unnecessary (unless that child is being 'marketed'!)
Vanillapie- I am sorry that you take this hardline position. Life just isn't that way. ANd no one is suggesting that the government support them financially- birthmothers want to be told that they should and can raise their children and that it will be okay. What we were and still are told, predominantly, is that it is BEST to give our child up to better people- 'IF' we love them. Well, who, in crisis, can stand up to that kind of terror?
A lot of assumptions are being made here about what birthmothers are like and what they are after. THey only wan the best thing for their child. THat is what makes them victims- of a predatory baby marketing system that tells these mothers it is best for their child to be adopted by people whose lives are 'more stable'. BUT I have met SO MANY adoptess who were damaged in these situations into which they were placed- so what was the point? NO ONE IS PERFECT so why SEPARATE families????
I work in a foreign country with children who grew up part of their lives in orphanages and part of their lives with parents who were abusive and neglectful in some way, and i have to say that i think the birth parents gave up their right to care of their children when they stopped taking care of them. i see incredibly deep emotional wounds in these kids expressed, wounds they'll carry their entire lives. i make no apologies for providing them loving adults who can replace abusive parents
I agree so much with what you said. The birth mother shows up ater 18 years and now wants to act like a friend catching my son and our family completely off guard. At 19 years old how come you did not know about protection. I also would like to ask how does a 19 year old girl get pregnant by a 17 year old boy(a minor) and not be charged with a criminal act. If it had been the other way around the boy 19 would be accused of rape of a 17 year old girl
i work with hundreds of ukrainian children who were put in an orphanage because their mothers didn't give a rat's ass what happened to them, they were too busy drinking to know what happened. most of the kids' parents live near enough to the orphanage and never visit their kids. i can't share your unbridled affection and support for these birth mothers just because they got themselves pregnant. i don't think they deserve the kids they birthed and screwed up for life by abandoning them.
The sad reality is that many birth parents did not want their child. Of course, some did, but not all.
MrWomanpower 9 months ago
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arlyn515 11 months ago
This video shows me some of the pain birthmothers can suffer after surrendering their children, but I don't understand why exactly it is an argument for stopping the whole practice of adoption. I can understand how it could support a call to ensure that open adoptions remain open, from Jackie's story.
It's also implied, however, that the way adoption is practiced has "separated babies from capable, loving mothers," but no one in the clip explains how this was the case for them.
arlyn515 11 months ago
No one mentioned/explained if they were willing and felt able to care for the children themselves, but were forced or tricked by their parents or social workers or adoption agencies to surrender the children instead. For example, if their decisions were not voluntary or fully informed, as is implied, who did persuade or compel them to let their children be adopted? Who did take the children away from them? Did I miss something? Can someone explain this to me?
arlyn515 11 months ago
@arlyn515 i agree. its hard for me to be persuaded that these were capable mothers when they do not explain a. why they were able to take care of their children and b. what specific flaws in the system overlooked their capability.
iReadPennyDreadfuls 8 months ago
@iReadPennyDreadfuls try the fact that most of them were brainwashed when they were coerced into surrendering their child. thats one flaw in the system for you. as regards to why they were able to care for their child, you can't just take a child away from it's mother, that bond runs deeper than than can be measured.
ThePhilRobinson 6 months ago
All three of my friend's kids were supposed to have been late term abortions. Thank God, on her oldest the water broke and his birthgrandmother could no longer force his birthmother to go through with it. (A birthmother he loves and meets often) The twins birthmother changed her mind the day of the scheduled abortion and went to an agency instead . She has met the twins only once...Probably because she has kept them secret from her mother,kids and friends.
hegete 1 year ago
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What a bunch of very unhappy, severely depressed and sad women!. Adoption did not destroy their lives, life itself did. I can't stand women that blame incidents for their misery. The fact is, they are simply unhappy people. Adoption has nothing to do with it. Get a life!
slimemuffen 1 year ago
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slimemuffen 1 year ago
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As an adoptee, I don't feel like birth mothers should be saying they "lost their child to adoption." Ultimately it comes down to you, and no one can make that choice for you. Essentially you lost your child to your own decision. And there are adoptees like me who have questions that will never be answered because of a closed adoption. When will MY birth mother come find me? ='(
hogwart80 1 year ago
As an adoptee, I don't feel like birth mothers should be saying they "lost their child to adoption." Ultimately it comes down to you, and no one can make that choice for you. Essentially you lost your child to your own decision. And there are adoptees like me who have questions that will never be answered because of a closed adoption. When will MY birth mother come find me? ='(
hogwart80 1 year ago
oh and as for the state "wrongfully" removing the kids, DOUBT IT! The state removes kids from dangerous situations and from abusive, neglectful and selfish parents who have no right to have their kids. My sister is a foster mom and we see it every day. You people breed like cattle and think its fine. Its sick.
jendoane 1 year ago
@jendoane Many children are abused by foster carers and adopters, and also stolen by the State for adoption. Check out all of the YouTube videos on CPS corruption. Attend the Shedding Light on Adoption conference in NYC (September). Educate yourself. Do you know how many mentally-unbalanced people adopt babies? Their money and infertility mean squat. Read Dr Rickarby's submission. People who deceive mothers about adoption are the sickos who shouldn't breed. Why did you?
asynkronos 1 year ago
@asynkronos You are totally right about the the problems with foster homes in many cases. I am not going to sugar coat it. But, for every bad one there are many good ones and it still does not justify people who are clearly not qualified to be a parent hanging on to their babies simply as if these kids were possesions. if everyone would think of the childs emotional needs first instead of their own for once.The ability to get pregnant does not make you an able parent.
jendoane 1 year ago
@jendoane We're well aware of exceptions, and support kinship fostering in those cases. It's the standard of practice in every civilized country. I've been a therapeutic foster carer for adolescent girls and dealt with "foster-to-adopt" people. Our motives are quite different. Also, most mothers coerced to surrender their babies were pregnant, not abusive, neglectful or in any way inadequate. Most adoptions are a travesty. The children were stolen.
asynkronos 1 year ago
@disturbedgir11 No, you stop trying to justify the abuse and neglect of your and other children by hiding behind biological "rights". Sorry but I see way to many sorry kids stuck with teen moms who have no clue how to raise and support a child. What I did was make the uncowardly choice, what you did is selfish, self serving and disgusting. You are the coward, and you can ask my daughter for yourself, we talk every day.
jendoane 1 year ago
it is very true what the one woman said about her parents having to sign something saying that if she decided to keep her baby, they would have to pay for everything. That is a very common thing at maternity homes. They say it casually, but it is really just another warning that you better play by their rules or else.
Dix994 1 year ago 2
I think in my case its much different my child came from abuse, and was abandoned by her mother left to be sexually abused by her teen father at 3 yrs old , she feels alot of anger toward them both, but still I know she loves her mom underneath it all and really wants to see her, when ever she gets out of jail again. So as the adoptive mom I hope you can understand how hard it is being an adoptive parent, some time it really stinks..
letsbeefriendsok 1 year ago
3) as a mom who has adopted and as my daughter foster parent I had all the info ready for her we also found all her sisters on myspace because I had the kids names. but sadly they do not talk to each other and my childs mother is still in jail but her mom write to her, but she seems to not want anything to do with her birth mom. my daughter is 18 and has still not met any of her five sibs or mom but has talked on the phone..
letsbeefriendsok 1 year ago
2) I think in the long run it can be healther for both partys to know they will meet again in a few yrs. and I think it will be of help to us the adoptive parents dealing with the why did my parents not keep me question.
at 18 they will have the answers they can get for them self by adoption law to know the answers they deserve.
letsbeefriendsok 1 year ago
here is my answer to adoption
1.birth parents make video write letters and by law are saved for any adopted child to be veiwed by the child on the childs 18th birthday. even if its not who you are but just why u gave them up with health back ground. that can be updated by the birth family until the childs 18th birthday.
letsbeefriendsok 1 year ago
oh, how nice. That would solve everything.
Dix994 1 year ago
although i do agree that the adoption industry needs significant changes, and that too many children are relinquished, i do NOT believe there should be no adoptions. sometimes there are circumstances that endanger the child, and in those cases, it could be better away from that.
but a person should never give their child up due to pressure or because of a lack of money - something should be done to help anyone who wants to keep their child.
sprinklefriend 1 year ago
Most children are surrendered by their mothers under duress. This includes international adoptions. Mothers are deceived by adoption agencies and lawyers who don't care at all about us and our children. They do this for profit. No money should EVER change hands in adoption. People who pay to adopt and who lie to mothers are perpetrating an atrocity. Mothers and children are killing themselves from the pain. Adoption is based on deception and pretense. The entire system is corrupt.
asynkronos 1 year ago
@asynkronos That is such a lie. Especially in this day and age. Most mothers know exactly what they are doing and even get to choose their babys adoptive parents. This is not the 1950's and adoption can be such a positive and open experience. Its such a shame that people dont get the facts before posting.
jendoane 1 year ago
@jendoane Deception and coercion ended in the 1950's? Nonsense. Read the latest false propaganda produced by the adoption industry, including adopter Charles Kenny's "Birth Mother, Good Mother." Infant adoption is a criminal scam. About 80% of "open" adoptions are closed by adopters. Open adoption is one of many dishonest tactics used to con mothers out of their babies. People who feign concern for children and deceive mothers about adoption are despicable, and quite common.
asynkronos 1 year ago 3
Adoption is a big lie....they lied to all of us. As an adoptee, I have been destroyed by what my mother was forced to do. It destroyed her, she died before I could ever meet her. Even having found my answers, I feel like a condemned person. Even having a loving relationship with my father, I am still to this day being destroyed by the world around me. I know why adoptees committ suicide. It's hard to stay strong in all of this.
Goimurph 2 years ago 3
I'm so sorry you had to go through this hell. I know why mothers kill themselves, too. It makes me so angry that most people don't care and even try to justify separating mothers and children, as if we were a danger to each other. It's insane. My child would have been much better off with me, and me with him. How easy it is to justify other people's loss and pain. Adoption is a big, huge, sick LIE but we're the only ones with the guts and honesty to say it.
asynkronos 1 year ago
As an adoptive mother, I can tell you that's why we chose an agency that's for open adoption and is very supportive of birth parents. Parents should (almost) never be forced to relinquish children (I believe that irreversable child abuse and neglect is the only good reason). Birthparents should CHOOSE (freely) to place kids.
ediecago 2 years ago
As a mother who lost her only child to adoption when she was a child herself, this is how birth mothers truly feel in the majority of cases. I live with my decision every single day even 34 years later.
starrlara 2 years ago 10
I think all adopted children should be able to decide after 18 if they want to meet there birth family. it should be in place with a letter and photos or video by law at 18 to view by the adult child.
my childs mom writes her from prison not always easy but its not about me.
letsbeefriendsok 2 years ago 4
You sound like the type of parent that stands for what healthy adoption is ll about. Kudos.
jenwithrelish 1 year ago
my child who I adopted looked up her moms name on myspace and we found her on that along with all five brothers and sisters. she is 17 now and was in foster care with us first beforeshe was adopted so we had alot of info on her birth family. add a baby pic if you have one with the state the baby was born. you will be serprized how easy it is to find people that way. also face book but teens like myspace better.leave it open to the public to view. good luck.
letsbeefriendsok 2 years ago
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zeldarose24 2 years ago
blah blah blah wtf does jesus have to do with this? The virgin mary had a husband who provided for her first of all. Second Jesus was the son of god and had his destiny mapped out for him from birth. The rest of us just have to make it up as we go along.
jendoane 2 years ago
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zeldarose24 2 years ago
WE NEED TO TAKE UP ARMS AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT ...IT IS OUR RIGHT TO REBEL...READ UR CONSTITUTION....IF U agree with me..contact me at azzy starz on myspace...
azzystarz 3 years ago
I'm just starting the process to find my real mom and its been 41 years and I feel like I dont know who I am despite being raised in a loving home...I hope to find her and show her how I turned out and to show her that she has beautiful granddaughters...this is the biggest thing I've undertaken and I hope in the end all of the emotion and time put in to this is worth it...My mother was only 15 at the time but I have nothing but love for her...
cf51802 3 years ago 4
I can not stand looking at blogs of families highlighting adoption . I think of all the women who may have lost their children as the state has wrongfully removed them. The proff is they will not open the closed adoption cases if they children/adults fall critically ill.They are more concerned in covering up what goes on in closed court with ££ making a and lots of maladministration of evidence.
liverpoollou6 3 years ago 11
Mums, You all have my sincere sympathy. After being reunited with my mum and hearing what she went through because she had no choice but to give me up, and doing some reading and talking with a dozen other mums, I understand you. Please don't take any ignorant comments to heart. I would not have wanted to be in your position when I had my son 15 years ago. It would have broken my heart to have to give up my son, and my heart was already broken, because I lost my mum when I was born.
Sammicsno 3 years ago 4
When faced with an unplanned pregnancy ANY choice made by the birth mother will have a huge impact on her life. If you an adoptive parent reading this,it doesn't mean that you are responsible for the evils done by others in the world. This is not a personal attack. Let us have our grief. Mourn our loss. Cry our tears. Closed adoption on even the happiest families don't allow us to know our child is ok. Adoption in theory is a great idea. So was Crystal Pepsi....
jenwithrelish 3 years ago
I like your analogy. We are faulted even for expressing our pain and grief, and warning other women about the lies told by adoption pushers. They don't want expectant mothers to know the facts because they'd keep their babies, which is all most want anyway. Why does the TRUTH offend adopters? Most don't care about our feelings. It proves that adoption is all about them and what they want, not about what children need.
asynkronos 2 years ago 4
The world doesn't know how to handle us once the baby is out.
jenwithrelish 1 year ago
It surely doesn't. We are told how unselfish and mature we are BEFORE, then treated like dirt AFTER they get our babies. It shows what a lie and scam the whole thing is. I don't know a single mother who wasn't lied to in 'counseling,' or who was warned of the terrible pain to come, for herself and her child. Those who do this to us have no conscience and no empathy. They lie to themselves and others to justify what they've done. They're sociopathic.
asynkronos 1 year ago
EXACTLY! I have a legally "Closed" adoption but the adoptive family is one I chose and knew on a personal level as a child. We practice what they refer to as a "Progressive Open" adoption which means that I get contact as long as I follow their rules. It doesn't matter the situation. It's not normal to give your child away! All lies. I didn't need somebody to convince me to give my baby away.... I needed support to help me know I could do it myself. My insecurities were used against me.
jenwithrelish 1 year ago
sorry to hear that. Sometimes I think that closed adoption is easier. I don't think I could handle having SOME contact, I would always want more. Seeing my child, knowing I made a mistake and then seeing my child would make me want to grab him and run. I think "open" adoption is just another ploy to coerce natural mothers - notice how open adoption became very popular around the time that mores loosened and more unwed mothers were choosing to try and keep their babies.
Dix994 1 year ago
the world doesn't care once the baby is out. no one even wants to talk about it, it has to be like it never happened. And most adoptive parents like it that way, they want to pretend the baby really is THEIRS.
Dix994 1 year ago 4
I am even more thankful for my daughters parents after reading some of the comments on here! I couldn't imagine being lied to or trashed by the people I gave MY child to. We as birth parents deserve respect & if u as adoptive parents agree to an OPEN adoption it should not be changed out of the blue to benefit YOUR own needs. THINK about the CHILD instead of yourself. My daughters parents actually talked me into an open adoption & will NEVER lie to her because it is beter for HER that it is open
Mommy2JB 3 years ago
I "CHOSE" Adoption 4 my 2nd born. That is the key word... CHOSE. I am sorry if this is going sound inconsiderate. However, adoption is a wonderful thing & maybe I just got lucky, but I thank God 4 my daughters parents everyday! I was raped & chose life 4 my daughter. I don't get how someone can say they were FORCED into adoption (unless it was WAY back when). I will say, however...
Mommy2JB 3 years ago
Have you helped thousands of mothers in closed and 'open' adoptions, and researched these problems. We have. This video is about what happened to us and how we feel. Are you calling us liars?
softsocialista 3 years ago 3
My mum was indeed forced into adoption by a heartless society who would not support a poor, single 19 year old woman, whose 25 year old boyfriend ran off, and whose parents told her "not to bring that bastard (me) into our house". She was offered no housing, work, welfare, money, nothing; no way to keep me. She was repeatedly told that I would be better off without her. My mother had NO choice.
Sammicsno 3 years ago 4
Amen Mommy! I chose adoption as well and it was the one of the smartest bravest most unselfish things i have ever done for my child. She is an amazing person now with loving parents who we are all very close with. perhaps these people should have chosen better adoption agencies to go through and done the research that I did to make sure they were getting what they were promised.
jendoane 2 years ago
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zeldarose24 2 years ago
Actually there is plenty you can do about it. This is why you as a birth mom need to get legal representation also. I have a legally binding contract that the adoptive parents and I both signed and a judge then signed off on which map the legal terms of the adoption. They decree that they are manditorily required to send me pictures and update me every 6 months. If they break these laws I also have the legal right to drag them into court and sue them for visitation rights per my contract.
jendoane 2 years ago
For the most part, the moms were very young and did not have a say in the choice of the agency. You really need to listen to these mothers stories and read Anne Fessler's book, THE GIRLS WHO WENT AWAY. These young women were sent to unwed mother's homes by their families. They didn't have a choice in the agency or the home. Way back then??? It's still happening.
maggiebridget09 2 years ago 2
masue777 et al.:
"We as adopted mothers after looking at this video are left to feel that our whole lives raising our children was a lie" "I was not a babysitter for 18 years I am his mother."
This is very sad. Our loss is our loss. Our pain is our pain. None of that has anything to do with YOU, or any other adopter. Your insecurities are raging and I really feel sorry for you and hope you get some professional help. No one can make you feel inferior but yourself (E. Roosevelt).
adoptauthor 3 years ago 3
cont..
Putting children - even as adults - in a tug-of-war is what is done in very sick divorces. Healthy people do not act on feelings of being threatened by another's education or achievements in life. How sad hone studies cannot screen out such traits and avoid allowing children to live with people who cannot accept the child AND his family of origins!
adoptauthor 3 years ago 3
"If you really cared about your kid you would embrace your child's mom"
Another important reason for this is that putting down your child's mother is putting down your child. Any child who had taken biology in school knows about heredity!
To continue with publicly abusive messages about your child's mother is to put your child in the middle. Do really want to force him to chose?
adoptauthor 3 years ago
cont to masue777:
What difference does it make how her education was funded? It all points to just one thing: You are fixated on jealousy and feel very threatened and inadequate by the level of education your son's mother has accomplished.
You were perhaps surprised that she is not a crack whore, or sad, pathetic creature. People grow and change in 18 years. Teenage years are not stagnant and frozen in time. people grow and change, some of us for the better.
adoptauthor 3 years ago 2
masue777
You make many assumption and judgments. IF someone's father did pay for their education, that may have been contingent upon her giving up her child. You don't know. Do you know that she didn't work while in school and pay for it herself?
continued...
adoptauthor 3 years ago
Masue, adoption does not mean ownership, you are a selfish person.
kbsd123 3 years ago
I repeat I have been a victim of a closed adoption.I am still looking for my Birthmom,I am 21,I hate my adoptive fam right now.I hate the government,and i hate adoption legislators......PLUS!!!! Folks no need to worry,,,I have sent a letter to the legislators of the "closed records for good law"And Myself and my team are going to open all sealed adoption records on august the 23rd. 2008, Trust me there is hope I will be the one to stop this B.S. once and for all....
LUKE A. DOYLE (adoptee)
pampers1919 3 years ago
masue, bugsobrite, now I can see why it is so hard to find people who are willing to give up their baby for adoption in the U.S..It is because of people like you;calling birth mom a skank, complaining about reunions of the child to their "reason for life" mom. If you really cared about your kid you would embrace your child's mom, because she is not only important for the child (to know how and why he is here), but also important because your child wouldn't even be here without her.
jordy2ube 3 years ago 3
This comment has received too many negative votes show
Birth "moms" Over 18: if you sign on the dotted line-DON'T WHINE. OH! and don't be unfit either. Ya think? Gee-how is that other people have to take care of YOUR CHILDREN????? How did that happen? This is pure hysteria......whiny, whiny, whinyyyyyyy
Bugsobrite 3 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
I agree with you, after all the years you spend with your child the birth mother shows up one day and trys to disrupt our lives to complete hers. I was not a babysitter for 18 years I am his mother. I have nothing to do with what you did years before
masue777 3 years ago
Oh my, what an incredibly heartless thing to say. Having to let go of a child in any circumstance is traumatic, I hope you never have to experience such pain, and if you did how would you feel if someone called you a whiner? I too, am a birthmother who was promised pictures and information that I never got. My son's adoptive parents told him I didn't want him. This left him feeling unloved and now he hates his adoptive family. This isn't how it was supposed to work. It is very painful.
JELT6886 3 years ago 3
I must say i am completly shocked after seeing this and my heart goes to any affected by those circumstances. Adoption can be a good thing in the certain circumstances, i dont know how some people can do that.
over here we have the chioce of it.
Rocket1232123 3 years ago 4
This comment has received too many negative votes show
Adoption has changed. Everyone can basically have the exact adoption plan they decide now.
birthmom 3 years ago
Rot in he-l CPS...you rape parents and God is gonna get ya if some raped parent doesn't first
ShilohNative 3 years ago
This is an industry created by Patriarchal Man, using propaganda to feed the egos of needy women- who are told how great they are.
But the Natual Mothers are used and abused and left to rot for the rest of their lives.
In legal terms- it is a crime against humanity.
I pray these children speak up and speak out now to stop this industry
catherinesara 3 years ago 2
Matri-Genocide.
And all because of greedy people who use children as a commodity.
It is so painful to see these mothers with their souls destroyed.
catherinesara 3 years ago 2
Sexism is the root of this evil perpetrated upon birth mothers and their children. No human mother should suffer at the hands of wicked people who defy the laws of Nature and the Laws of God. Procreation is a gift and a right, not a privilege. Grow up, Mankind!
childrescuer 3 years ago
And you who support this garbage need a swift kick in the head...
Bizziboy 3 years ago
Advocates of adoption are quick to say that birth parents didn't want them and gave them up, etc., but they don't see the real reason that many parents made that choice. All too often it was through coercion and being fed lies after lies that it would be best for the child. The damage is extremely traumatic on parents and children. They often say that adoption was the last resort. That should mean that they already personally tried to help the families themselves. Rarely, have they ever met them
daaronad 3 years ago 5
This is more proof of what CPS is really about and the crimes they commit against humanity to make a quick buck... while if the kid is not adopted he gets stuck in foster care where I was abused and many horrible things happened to many of us... it's so disgusting... these people are animals...
Bizziboy 3 years ago 3
Foster care and adoption killed my sister and 28 of my 35 friends I grew up with!!!!!!!
Bizziboy 3 years ago
I am soo very sorry for your losses!
adoptauthor 3 years ago
I used to think that adoption was the best option for the mother and child in situations where the mother is poor/teen mom. I recently read a book called "The Girls Who Went Away", and it completely changed my opinion on this subject. I now believe these women should be given all possible resources and encouraged to keep the child. Adoption is NOT the best choice-this option will leave grief on the REAL mother comparable to death of a child.
jordy2ube 3 years ago 4
They should also consider how they re-enter the child's life........We did nothing but take care and love the children who are adopted. We as adopted mothers after looking at this video are left to feel that our whole lives raising our children was a lie
masue777 3 years ago
my brother is adopted, his birth mother didn't want him. he's been with us since he was three, he is 18 now. he is 100% a member of our family. i can't imagine the trauma it would cause him if his birth mother changed her mind and wanted to be "mom" now.
astralcars 3 years ago
astraicars, how do you know what your adopted "brother's"mother wanted? and what does your comment have to do with this video?
adoptauthor 3 years ago 2
We just went through this 2 weeks ago. She said she had no money to take care of him and now shows up after 18 years. She told my son that the agency talked her into adoption. Meanwhile she comes from a well off family and goes on to get a PHD. Where did the money come from for that, I bet daddy! Now she wants to enter our world and try to undo what she said she was unable to do 18 years ago. Education is very expensive...I just wonder!!! and how educated if she is unaware of feel
masue777 3 years ago
It makes me not even want to adopt. I feel so bad for you, I'm so sorry. I bet she doesn't want to fork up for his college education now does she? Nooo, YOU'RE supposed to do that. Wave that in the skank's face I bet she runs screaming. No one could talk me out of giving my child up for anything, all this talk of coercion is just pure and utter bs and misplaced guilt.
Bugsobrite 3 years ago
Adopton is all about money. When I was in the maternity home, most of the girls came from "well off" families. Their parents left them there to rot. Just because mommy and daddy have money doesn't mean that the daughter had access to it. Why didn't you have a baby yourself? My guess is that you couldn't. So does this mean that you are entitled to someone else's child? How much did you pay for your son? It costs a lot of money to get a healthy baby. Do you still want to talk about money?
maggiebridget09 2 years ago
i work with children who have been abandoned by their birth parents and raised in orphanages. As a person whose life's passion is to help and heal the hearts of abandoned children, i don't feel any kinship with the birth-mothers on this site. i think that a child's good should always be considered before a parents, that's what being a parent is. The women here seem mostly concerned for themselves and not their children- some of whom are probably doing great in their adoptive families!
astralcars 3 years ago
Adoption is not a natural act. Not being able to leave the hospital with ones own baby is not natural. My god you can't even adopt a baby puppy from the humane society until it about 6 to 8 weeks old. Adoption is all about money.
chicaxo22 3 years ago 3
Everything you said is so very true!!! And you know, I never thought of the puppy age before. You're absolutely right. Puppies have more rights than humans.
maggiebridget09 2 years ago
adoption is too complicated why not abort?
ViewerFromTheSewer 3 years ago
THere are so many misconceptions about adoption - and now look at what they are doing to the 400 plus children of the cultists they just discovered. They are trying to place them all into foster care. WHy not keep the mothers together with all the children and let them care for the children while this is being sorted out- without the men being involved? WHY DO WE ALWAYS TURN TO SEPARATION AND LOSS? WE TREAT ZOO ANIMALS MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!
yizbieta 3 years ago 3
This is a reminder to American people that the Government have the power to do anything they want to vulnerable women and children.
400 Adoptions and law suits is a lot of money.
All in one go.
Based on the word of an anon call.
Also note trauma to all children being examined sexually.
I suppose they have all been jabbed now too, and will become ill from being removed from natural food etc.
But, all handy for researchers.
catherinesara 3 years ago 2
If a natural mother is forced to part with her child, then she dies inside and is useless for the rest of her life.
The child knows what the natural mother wanted at the time, because the bond is so strong and is forever.
If the child senses Mum does not want to part with it, then the soul part remains with Mum and body goes to adopter.
Then the pull back to mother is always there for child to become complete again.
Law of the Universe.
catherinesara 3 years ago 2
The system destroys the birth mother inside. Even though she may eventually become functional, she always has a hole, in all the cases I am familiar with. THe system is too quick to offer adoption to women in crisis. THey should be going through a checklist of possible solutions (as they now do in So. Australia, where private adoptions are illegal), and then find a relative or someone to raise the child within its own family. 90% or the cases would be solved that way, I believe.
yizbieta 3 years ago 4
Thank you for putting this together You did a great thing for many people.
nadeseh 3 years ago
The young lady with the black glasses who keeps crying comes off as selfish. Her concerns are for herself and being cut out of the equation. Sounds like she expected an adoptive family to raise take both her and the child for all time. She comes off as utterly selfish and self centered. I hear her talking about her needs, not those of the child. The adoptive family wisely may have made the decision to remove this neurotic woman from their ilves.
Hanna611 3 years ago
wow, you are so awfully wrong it cannot even be measured. You obviously have NO idea what youre talking about. As a birthmom, we have EVERY right to know about our children! You dont like it?... go make a baby for yourself... cant?... then take the deal you can get because birthmoms are not your babyfactories we have deep feelings and they should come first along with OUR child's!
jendoane 3 years ago
As an adoptee - you are wrong jendoane. Walking away from your own child is selfish & mentally unstable. A good mom does what it takes to "get it together", including making sacrifices for her child, not 'sacrifice" her child. My mother was forced to give me away - I would NEVER have forgiven her if she had chosen to do such a hideous act on her own. She was my mother, regardless of her circumstances, and NO ONE, including you, jendoane, has the right to say I should've been elsewhere.
Ilovejkg 3 years ago 4
well, as a birth mother who speaks to her adopted daughter every single day, I know that I made the right choice. It sadly tends to be selfish women who would rather "keep their child in poverty and mental unstability no matter what" rather than make the toughest but most loving choice on earth, to place their child in a loving stable home where they can have everything they need and deserve. My child who I relinquished and I BOTH agree I made the absolute best unselfish choice.
jendoane 2 years ago
I'm glad you feel that way. However I managed to keep my daughter because my sister got me legal help. I graduated from high school and college.I married a decent man when she was 10. She was never abused or neglected. What scarred us both is the time in the maternity home and emotional and financial cost of two years spent fighting the system--all because I was underage. I had no criminal record. I got good grades. Btw, my daughter is a wonderful person.
maggiebridget09 2 years ago
no, actually being selfish and keeping your child when you have no way of providing for them or giving them a better life is what is selfish and mentally unstable. Only emotionally selfish and lonely people would keep a child that they then expect everyone else to pay for because they cant take care of it. Welfare is what happens next and that is just sad. Dont try to convince people that you are keeping your kid for THEIR sake youre keeping them because you want something to love, get a puppy!
jendoane 2 years ago
Not everything is black and white. Haven't you heard of the colour grey?
Maybe you should do some research into some of these cases that your commenting on.
There are a lot of cases that are just surfacing in Australia in regards to the treatment of birth mothers in the past.
AKAZOOMZOOM 2 years ago 3
How would you like to be drugged after giving birth, some even were handcuffed to the bed and forced to sign falsified documents to give up their babies for adoption.
Some were told that their babies had died at birth, only to find out that they were alive via a abusive phone call from the adopted child.
So take off your blinkers and broaden your outlook!
AKAZOOMZOOM 2 years ago 3
Unrelated strangers with money are irrelevant. Children are happiest growing up with their natural mothers' love, surrounded by their own kin. We are the people most like them, who understand them best. Most adoptions are unnecessary. When one or both parents are unable to raise their child, the extended family is by far the next best alternative. Please google 'Origins NSW Rickarby submission.' Mothers are innocent until proved guilty. Insult the criminals who lied to us.
asynkronos 2 years ago 3
@asynkronos and what makes a "natural mother". DNA? How is a mom more "natural" if she is beating her kid, smoking crack and living in a car VS a mom who adopted her kid but loves, nurtures and protects them in every way a mom can? Being a mom is not just pushing a baby out your vag and screaming "its mine!" and that is all I am reading here. Its pathetic.
jendoane 1 year ago
@jendoane Natural mothers pressured to surrender their babies are rarely abusive drug addicts. Speak for yourself. You aren't a real mother by your own definition, just a used vagina and some DNA. It's cowardly to malign other natural mothers rather than admit you're abnormal compared to most of us. Also, why don't you mention abusive, drug-addicted adopters? Are you with an adoption agency? Any narcissistic wingnut with money can adopt a baby. Google Dr Rickarby's submission.
asynkronos 1 year ago
@jendoane Dna is nothing to do with it its becuse of attunement when your mother looks into your eyes it conects to them and makes brain conections at 1000 a second this is why babies bond to mothers.its dificult for a baby to redo this after 4 weeks, so if you were in care from 1 month to say 4 months oops or you were born as i was permeture then things are a lot more dificult.jeff adoptee also aspie and carer...
petchharrison 1 year ago
and you by the way dont have the right to tell someone who cares more about their child than themselves that THEY are mentally unstable. Its people like you who are making this country fall apart. SELFISH!
jendoane 2 years ago
You have to understand how hard society was on these young women. "Get it together"? Society wouldn't let a mother get it together. I had my daughter in 1983. No one would rent to me. I couldn't get anyone to employ me, even though I had an excellent work history prior to getting pregnant.The principle tried to force me out of high school. If I had been a widow, people might have been more sympathetic. The priest at the Catholic church wouldn't baptize my daughter unless I was married.
maggiebridget09 2 years ago 2
@maggiebridget09 sorry but the catholic church in particular is full of ignorance, bigotry and poverty stricken families with way to many kids. That would explain the bulk of your problems right there... get away from the catholic church!
jendoane 1 year ago
As an adoptive mom of 3, I have to say that some situations are positive. My oldest daughter and her birth parents have a very good semi-open relationship. We meet them yearly and all enjoy catching up. They thank my husband and me for raising their daughter and doing a great job. As with everything, there are good outcomes and poor ones. Adoption is a wonderful option for some and was the only way for me to have a family.
lauriehas3 3 years ago
Even if I did choose to meet her one day, I would never call her my mother. I absolutely respect and am grateful for what she did. But she didn't raise me. She had no contact with me. I have amazing parents... my adoptive parents ARE my parents. I would never be able to call my birthmother my mom.
xprettyxinxpunk7 3 years ago
You are in an awkward position, due to the adoptive process and system in place, so it is understandable that you would not want to hurt your adoptive parents, or that you would feel disloyal or wrong about calling her 'mom'. I would bet that she would understand that(your birthmother). Most of us are normal people.
yizbieta 3 years ago
Being adopted myself, I have to honestly say that I'm not quite sure how I feel about this video. I've never met my birthmother. I do, however, know that she was 15 and on welfare.
I live with an amazing family. Two financially stable parents who love me more than anything in the world. I've received a top notch education. I have an amazing life. And there's no way I'd choose a life with my birthmother over this.
xprettyxinxpunk7 3 years ago
As an adoptee...How can you call it LOSS? You acted as God's instrument and carried a child into the world. Hindsight is overrated...
mariarippy 3 years ago
I always think that God gets credit for many things He doesn't do,a nd doesn't get credit for many things He does. Who are we to say? I don't have a direct line to Him- He does not confide in me personally.
Judgements are harsh, it seems in this arena. You just had to be there, I guess, to understand. Of course, we birthmothers wanted the best for our children- and too bad money had so much play in the way things turned out.
yizbieta 3 years ago 2
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calliebethsmommy 3 years ago
As a birthmother I understand that my positive experience with placing my child for adoption was indeed a blessing. I feel so awful for those birthmothers, first mothers, biological moms, who have to go through pain because the system needs to be overhauled. My adoption was in WI and I must say, they got it right! I had to appear before a judge and he quizzed me to make sure this is what I WANTED. He made the decision if I could sign papers.
mizgeministarz 3 years ago 2
disgrasfull system people in authority making desions that should never be allowed money politics lack of education what system have we that allows this shame on the authorityes world wide that let this happen and still continues to happen at what cost will it take to stop this.
furtherandyfield 4 years ago
Adoption is a very sore subject for everyone involved,women who could not concieve,women who had to relinquish,the adoptees.We all hurt.Natural mothers had no choice,don't slag them off,what right have you got,do you not think they have gone through enough.The adoptees do not need to hear you slag there mums off either,and the women and men who adopt these children are there mothers and fathers they loved and nurtured them.Adoptees have two sets of mothers.
HUGJARSOLE 4 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
Have these people ever heard of condoms? They are going to catch STDs!!
vanillapie 4 years ago
Thank you so much for your bravery and radical honesty! As one who was lost, alienated and wounded, please know that many of us are also healing, raising our children with love and making meaning by making change in the system, thanks in part to being able to hear voices like yours! with gratitude -- a bastard out of vermont
personaingrata 4 years ago
If a woman chooses to give up her child, then she can't blame others for her decision! These women are not victims. In most cases, they just want someone else to pay for raising their child. How selfish.
vanillapie 4 years ago
Such an interesting opinion that you voice here- how are you connected to adoption? What has your experience been? Have you been in the position of being told that if you loved your child, you would relinquish him/her to the care of others?
yizbieta 4 years ago
ladies you all said it we will never get over
what injustice was done to us 41 years has past and I still long for my child that was abducted by adoption
gayle
gaylesmail 4 years ago 3
There is so much work to be done regarding adoption. It seems, from the earlier comments, that adopters have no sympathy for the mother of their child... the child who is the birthright of another woman. Expectant mothers are not supported prior to giving birth; instead agencies cajole and coerce them into giving up their child when what is really needed is assistance to keep the mother and her child together.
pattijaydee 4 years ago 3
Do you think adoptive parents should give the birth mother money? Think again. They don't owe you anything. If you don't want to give your baby up for adoption, then don't do it. But don't blame the people who take care of that child because you chose not to.
vanillapie 4 years ago
It is a horrendous choice to have to make and in crisis, it is not a fair choice, hardly a choice at all. Of course others are to blame when the 'choice' is made by other people who are in authority and no support, as in encouragement, or other pathways are pointed out to allow her to keep child. It isn't about money- it is about confidence and faith in one's self.
yizbieta 4 years ago
Comment removed
calliebethsmommy 4 years ago
Except they didn't get to make a choice. That was taken away from them by lies and coercion.
But of course, you missed that reality, like so many others.
AmRisArt 4 years ago 3
I am a birthmother. You have no idea what you are talking about here. I believe it must make you feel better about taking another woman's child and raising it as your own to hold this poor opinion of birthmothers. Women and girls who relinquish are not in a normal state of mind, for the most part. They are in crisis, desperate to provide something better for their children, and because of this, they make short sighted decisions.
yizbieta 4 years ago 3
If you aren't raising your child, then don't call yourself a mother. Because you are not one.
vanillapie 4 years ago
yizbieta, if I was your birthchild, I would be ashamed.
"I believe it must make you feel better about taking another woman's child and raising it as your own" -- that is the most disgusting thing I've ever read in my entire life. My adoptive mother couldn't HAVE children. But she's the most wonderful woman I've ever met in my life.
I'm not saying all adoptions end up as a good thing. But I don't consider the woman who gave birth to me as being my mother. The woman who raised me is my mother.
xprettyxinxpunk7 3 years ago
I am not sure why this comment of mine upsets you so, but I am sorry that it did. Out of context, it is not representative of what I was talking about, really. This is not a black and white situation, as there are many sides to each case.
yizbieta 3 years ago
Well, I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. I think by the time I read that comment, I was getting incredibly frustrated. I didn't mean it as harshly as I said it. And for that, I apologize.
xprettyxinxpunk7 3 years ago 2
My adopted mother couldn't concieve a child. Instead she adopted. She choose me as second rate to her "better" option of having her own.I respect my adopted mother as do I respect my natural mother. It caused emotional discomfort meeting my natural mother as does it cause emotional discomfort knowing I was second rate to my adoptive mother.I am very blessed and happy, I have four wonderful children and a loving/ly husband. At times in my young adult life i didn't feel i fit in with any family.
mariarippy 3 years ago
My adopted mother couldn't concieve a child. Instead she adopted. She choose me as second rate to her "better" option of having her own.I respect my adopted mother as do I respect my natural mother. It caused emotional discomfort meeting my natural mother as does it cause emotional discomfort knowing I was second rate to my adoptive mother.I am very blessed and happy, I have four wonderful children and a loving/ly husband. At times in my young adult life i didn't feel i fit in with any family.
mariarippy 3 years ago
Comment removed
calliebethsmommy 3 years ago
WIth all due respect, I doubt that God did this to you, because then He also created another woman who was having too many children that she did not know how to care for, so you could adopt her? THis is the kind of propaganda we were told also, as pregnant teens, in an unwed mother's home, "These people cannot have children, so it must be meant to be that your child should go to them." I don't think GOd did ANY of this. I think these are human failures and frailties. I doubt God plays games.
yizbieta 3 years ago 2
You are right.
God is the old Patriarchal One used for 5,000 years to control women and keep them in their place.
They lied and demonised the Goddess- first the virgin, then the crone/witch and now the Mother aspect is the last to destroy.
As long as they make money, they do not care who suffers or gets hurt.
catherinesara 3 years ago
Comment removed
calliebethsmommy 3 years ago
In that sense, He will deny those who use another persons grief to justify their own wrong doings. Let God be the moral judge. Don't you dare assume that you can speak for God.
daaronad 3 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
My adopted mother couldn't concieve a child. Instead she adopted. She choose me as second rate to her "better" option of having her own.I respect my adopted mother as do I respect my natural mother. It caused emotional discomfort meeting my natural mother as does it cause emotional discomfort knowing I was second rate to my adoptive mother.I am very blessed and happy, I have four wonderful children and a loving/ly husband. At times in my young adult life i didn't feel i fit in with any family.
mariarippy 3 years ago
In Southern Australia, girls and women are now supported, in 99% of the cases, to keep their families intact by virtue of authorities showing these mothers how to overcome the obstacles they feel prevent them from being ideal and good mothers- which is what we all want for our children. Adoption is a PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM and needs to be seriously reformed, as they have successfully done in Southern Australia.
yizbieta 4 years ago
Comment removed
calliebethsmommy 3 years ago
There are exceptions- of course- and I have said that. I was not a drug addict, nor were any of the others I have met, except for one, and this is out of over one hundred birthmothers that I have met personally, and heard stories from. We should not make a ruling or implement a procedure that stoops to the lowest among us, do you think? This woman sounds unstable to say the least, but she is not typical, I can tell you that.
yizbieta 3 years ago 2
I understand that there are issues that adoptive parents have had to deal with- such as infertility, and I feel for those people who struggle with this, but I would not think of severing one of my limbs and donating it to an amputee- even if I love that amputee with all my heart- because that would leave me without one of my limbs wouldn't it? Adoption is quite the same thing.
yizbieta 4 years ago
Darn right I am deeply resentful. Resentful that, as the mother of a son I didn't meet for 49 years, I found him deeply crippled emotionally and physically! My raised children are fine! He would have been better off with me.
pattijaydee 4 years ago 3
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calliebethsmommy 4 years ago
The popular phrase about adoption is that it creates families. But it really tears families apart, doesn't it?
No one likes to look at these things. It should not even be an option that is given. It is a practice that is utterly without conscience. Do some research- read up on the statistics. It is not pretty up close.
yizbieta 4 years ago
OF COURSE the birth parents are strangers- the child was taken away at birth! How could they know their own child/parents? This is an UNNATURAL SITUATION that is created by adoption out of the misfortunes of women and girls in crisis. People who are supposedly better- which usually means in a better position- are raising another person's child because, in most cases, the birth mother feels inadequate- and is supported in feeling that way about her capabilities.
yizbieta 4 years ago
I've got to agree with you here, calliebethsmommy.
I'm adopted myself.. and I have no desire to find my birthmother. As I've said in other comments, I'm totally grateful and respectful toward her... but I have an amazingly loving family and a great life. I don't feel the need to go back and find her. My parents are my adoptive parents. Nobody else.
It would cause far too much trauma for me to even meet her.
xprettyxinxpunk7 3 years ago
(These, my comments, are general.) No one is asking you to look up your birthmother-or replace your adoptive parents- you sound angry and fiercely loyal to your adoptive parents, as is typical and warranted-since you were raised by them and not your birthmother. How would you know what it would have been like had she had the chance to raise you?
yizbieta 3 years ago
I received a letter from her that she wrote to me 8 days before I was born. In the letter, she told me she was 15 and that the only way she would've been able to raise me is if she had been on welfare.
I really can't imagine having a better life in that situation than I do now.
xprettyxinxpunk7 3 years ago
Of course you can't imagine it-since you didn't have it. It is interesting- my daughter got divorced and has two boys- she was very poor- and struggled so much until recently- thought they would be better off with someone better equipt to give them everything- I told her my experience of loss and regret and, of course, she kept her boys and they are a wonderful family. I told her this was a temporary problem, and it would pass. I wish someone had told me that because it is true.
yizbieta 3 years ago
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calliebethsmommy 3 years ago
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calliebethsmommy 4 years ago
No one in their right mind gives up their own child. It is obviously a case of those in authoritative and powerful positions taking advantage of women in crisis. Adoptions should NEVER take place unless the child has no living relatives, or is in permanent and serious danger.
yizbieta 4 years ago 4
Well, people do give up their child because they can't financially support that child. It sounds like the women here wanted others to give them money to keep and raise their child. There is simply no entitlement to free money to raise your child. These women need to grow up. If you can't support a child, then quit having sex without using birth control. If you can't control your sex drive, then get therapy or counseling. But don't give your child up and then claim you were "victimized".
vanillapie 4 years ago
Have you heard of rape? How would you suggest a child, who was the victim of rape then coerced into giving up her child at the age of 16, prepare herself for a life without her first (and sometimes only) child? Common sense studies have found that it is best that mothers raise their own children.. it benefits both the child and the parent as well as society. Read-you'll learn a bunch of interesting facts!
pattijaydee 4 years ago
vanillapie is just bitter because when she wanted to buy a baby, it was too expensive.
She came to my video and tried to claim coercion doesn't exist, too. I deleted her, just like she deserves.
She's not someone who simply needs to learn, she is willfully ignorant and bigotted. Therefor, worth no one's time.
AmRisArt 4 years ago 3
Do you live in America? Do you realize how many single (either divorced or never married) women are raising children? Do you realize that many of them are doing a great job of it- even though they are not getting money from someone else- even the father of their child? Or some do well and have support of some kind from family or friends, or even the government. The point is, families remain intact. Splitting up a family is often quite unnecessary (unless that child is being 'marketed'!)
yizbieta 4 years ago
Vanillapie- I am sorry that you take this hardline position. Life just isn't that way. ANd no one is suggesting that the government support them financially- birthmothers want to be told that they should and can raise their children and that it will be okay. What we were and still are told, predominantly, is that it is BEST to give our child up to better people- 'IF' we love them. Well, who, in crisis, can stand up to that kind of terror?
You sound very bitter, by the way- why?
yizbieta 3 years ago
A lot of assumptions are being made here about what birthmothers are like and what they are after. THey only wan the best thing for their child. THat is what makes them victims- of a predatory baby marketing system that tells these mothers it is best for their child to be adopted by people whose lives are 'more stable'. BUT I have met SO MANY adoptess who were damaged in these situations into which they were placed- so what was the point? NO ONE IS PERFECT so why SEPARATE families????
yizbieta 3 years ago 4
I work in a foreign country with children who grew up part of their lives in orphanages and part of their lives with parents who were abusive and neglectful in some way, and i have to say that i think the birth parents gave up their right to care of their children when they stopped taking care of them. i see incredibly deep emotional wounds in these kids expressed, wounds they'll carry their entire lives. i make no apologies for providing them loving adults who can replace abusive parents
astralcars 3 years ago
I agree so much with what you said. The birth mother shows up ater 18 years and now wants to act like a friend catching my son and our family completely off guard. At 19 years old how come you did not know about protection. I also would like to ask how does a 19 year old girl get pregnant by a 17 year old boy(a minor) and not be charged with a criminal act. If it had been the other way around the boy 19 would be accused of rape of a 17 year old girl
masue777 3 years ago
i work with hundreds of ukrainian children who were put in an orphanage because their mothers didn't give a rat's ass what happened to them, they were too busy drinking to know what happened. most of the kids' parents live near enough to the orphanage and never visit their kids. i can't share your unbridled affection and support for these birth mothers just because they got themselves pregnant. i don't think they deserve the kids they birthed and screwed up for life by abandoning them.
astralcars 3 years ago
I am very sorry that you have to see the worst cases. We are not all like that.
yizbieta 3 years ago