Stanhope on babies and abortion...

[Yamsauce]

That's almost 10 minutes of comedic genius! I don't know many comics that can keep their composure delivering something so edgy (especially with an audience with more than a few women/ couples). Love this guy.

[harleyjogirl]

Disgusting and not at all funny! I really hope Karma is kicking this guys ass.

[senorcumshot]

"I really wanted to see what it felt like to kill a baby"

Priceless.

[Dreamichigo1]

Lol holy shit this guy is hard core!!!

I found my new favourite comedian, because I've already seen Bill Hicks and George Carlins stuff :D

[killtroy811]

Too bad that sick couple the Duggars didn't watch this before they thought about having their 10 millionth kid.

[CptPanda29]

I like how he knows exactly why the person at the end is scowling, then goes out of his way to make her as mad as humanly possible.

[eyeseer1]

truth is genius and genius is truth

[elifittz]

"The little rubber rabbit doesn't quite reach your clitorius like it says it will on the box" Hahaha!

[snoopyprobing]

and let me tell you it feels good

[Webzlinger]

Carlin would be proud.

[RH98]

I always think of the guy at the end on the phone with his head in his hands as the club manager, or whatever, taking all the complaints next day

[FractalBolt]

Lol at the people who thought he was going to say Mexicans or something

[jeffreyswiderski]

Abortion = Funny

[b0ondockz]

Doug Stanhope is hilarious, but abortion is sick and there's nothing funny about killing a baby. If you have kids you understand this better than someone who doesn't have them ever will.

[CadicusTheDamned]

@b0ondockz

Without getting into a long political debate, I'm glad women have the right to abortion. The world has enough unwanted and unloved people as it is.

[JQuig1984]

@b0ondockz Actually, the "I wanted to see what it felt like to kill a baby" line cracks me up every time I hear it. So there's that lol

[fortyfivefive5]

@b0ondockz lol There are plenty of funny things about killing a sack of mucus and cells that aren't wanted. lol @ you having sacred cows, then getting on the internet and bitching after you purposefully watched a comedian do an abortion joke. Get a fucking life.

[b0ondockz]

@fortyfivefive5 Sounds like you're the one bitching like a cunt. I came across this video while watching his other ones and didn't find the abortion part funny, lol @ you for giving a shit and wasting your time replying to me. Like I would give a shit what a cock sucker like you has to say anyway. Get real you fucking douche bag. You're right about one thing, seeing a "sack of mucus and cells" like you get eradicated would be fucking hilarious, shit I'd even pay to watch. Now fuck off.

[fortyfivefive5]

@b0ondockz UMAD, sacredcow?

[TheCaptainLulz]

@b0ondockz its not a baby until its born. Until 30 weeks its brain isnt functional, its just a lump of cells, a tumor if you will, and if the woman has EVERY RIGHT to abort, its HER body.

[runepk4life500]

@b0ondockz I'll agree once I see you raise 2 babies at the age of 16 off a McDonald's minimum wage salary living in a 2 room apartment. If you live through that, then feel free to say whatever the fuck you want.

[b0ondockz]

@runepk4life500 I guess that justifies killing a baby. 

[Webzlinger]

@b0ondockz I'll agree that a fetus is a living thing, but so is the tumor that's wrapping itself around someone's brain. A fetus should not be considered human until it becomes self aware, and that happens after birth.

[MalachorWraith]

@b0ondockz I think Stanhope just proved killing babies is both economical and hilarious.

[b0ondockz]

@MalachorWraith If you find killing babies funny then I feel bad for you, but I know you don't, you're just trying to fit in around here. That's a pretty pathetic trait you have.

[MalachorWraith]

@b0ondockz I'm a fucking comic, get over it.

[b0ondockz]

@MalachorWraith Yeah, I'm sure you're real good at it too.

[MalachorWraith]

@b0ondockz You're god damn right I am.

[b0ondockz]

@MalachorWraith Just watched some of your videos earlier and you suck. Don't quit your day job, if you even have one.

[MalachorWraith]

@b0ondockz That's cute. How about I'll keep getting paid for chasing my dream while you get back to being a whiny shit who takes things too seriously because acting like a primadonna on a comedy video is the only way he'll feel important in the world because he hasn't accomplished shit in his life.

[b0ondockz]

@MalachorWraith I accomplished more before I graduated college than you will in your entire pathetic life. If your dream amounts to being a below mediocre comic with a bunch of shitty jokes then you're a fucking loser. Speaking of primaddonas, your the one who has been riding my dick the last few days over a comment I posted 7 months ago, you whiny cunt. This is youtube, if you can't take someones opinion without bombarding them with comments then you should go else where.

[MalachorWraith]

@b0ondockz Maybe you can hang a reason a reason for me to give a fuck beneath your degree. Yes, this is youtube.I love how you finally broke out the profanity when someone called you on being a little bitch who can't take a joke. You: Abortion jokes are offensive

Everyone else: Don't be such a pussy

You: Fucking Cunt Stains!

[b0ondockz]

@MalachorWraith So, let me get this straight... since I made a comment against abortion I'm not supposed to use profanity? LOL you really are a douche bag.

[MalachorWraith]

@b0ondockz I just assumed you were on the ignorant piece of shit platform as a whole. Abortion is green, you can stay in the pro-life area where your car gets keyed by the unwanted one night stand that grew up to be too stupid to pass middle school. There's nothing miraculous about birth dude.

[ryddelwearsahat]

@b0ondockz I'm a mother, and pro-choice, and can joke about abortion as easily as I can joke about blondes, divorce, cowboy rape, ect-

Take the politics out of your ass and get over it- a fetus isn't a baby, and it's just a joke.

[b0ondockz]

@ryddelwearsahat A fetus isn't a human life?

[senorcumshot]

@b0ondockz No it isnt, as an egg isnt a chicken.

[ryddelwearsahat]

@b0ondockz ..did I say it wasn't human life?

Or did I say it wasn't a baby?

Are you uneducated, or is english not your native languagE?

Fetus, baby, born, alive, human, human being, person, embryo- these are all different words/terms- they don't all mean the same thing.

As in, babies are BORN.

Yes, an embryo is living human tissue- but not a baby or a person- why do you think we celebrate BIRTHdays?

[b0ondockz]

@ryddelwearsahat You're the one who's uneducated. You said "a fetus isn't a baby". Really? What the fuck is it then? A fetus is a developing unborn baby with an observable human structure. It's a baby who has not been born, it's a human life. So babies aborted at 4 months aren't babies? Or babies aborted by partial birth abortion? Spare me your liberal hoo ha bullshit and keep it moving. Read a biology book or some shit when your not spreading your legs at the bar.

[ryddelwearsahat]

@b0ondockz Lol you're online when I am

Uh, human tissue- I already said what it was.

If you are arguing for a fetus as a potential- seeing as how it's a baby not born 'yet'' YET being the potential.. well, potentiality has no bearing against actuality- abortion is perfectly moral.

...why do anti-choicers always think so sexistly and hostile-ly towards pro-chociers and women?

'spreading your legs at the bar'?

..I'll have you know I'm a married woman and a mother. I don't fuck -c

[ryddelwearsahat]

-c strangers or have sex for money- I make love to the one I'm wed to. Judge not lest ye be jduged yourself-

Or better yet, why not shut your right-wing redneck christfag mouth and go burn another jew?

--seeing as how insults and radical , baseless judgements, ASSumptions, and insults are being thrown around by you- it's only fair I respond likewise, eh?

You hate libs- you're a CONsman, then, right? Lynch any niggers? Beat any wives/kids recently?

...please refrain from -c

[ryddelwearsahat]

-c from resorting to insults and baseless assumptions about strangers on the internet. If you have any respect for your own political topic/beliefs, you'll show it by being respectful, honest, fair, and patient- not hostile, judgemental. and presuming.

Sorry, but babies are BORN, like I said- en utero it is an embryo or fetus. Again I ask, why do you think we celebrate BIRTHdays? All context in pregnancy puts the fetus as a potential, not an actuality, and part of the woman.

[b0ondockz]

@ryddelwearsahat Like I said, take your liberal jibber jabber hoo ha bullshit, and go try to convince someone else to believe the shit you make up. The FACT is a fetus is a baby. I don't say so, science says so. Dumb fucks like you think they can redefine these things. Are you really asking me why we celebrate birthdays? Seriously? That's how you plan on making a point? Maybe people like you shouldn't procreate, we don't need more uneducated ignorant fools like you.

[ryddelwearsahat]

@b0ondockz ...and this is why education is important- without it, all you get from people who could become benefits to society.. is someone angry, hyper-defensive, and who knows nothing about anything they -try- to talk about..

Oh, and they like to hurl insults and think that calling anyone they don't like names is adequate argument to prove their point-

If the world was run by your views, and yours alone as well as your actions, we'd all be beating eachother to death.

Cavebeast.

[ryddelwearsahat]

-c Oh and, by the way- you're talking to a college-educated nurse for the handicapped and elderly, who is also married to another worke rin the health-care field.. ALSO college-educated. We also both volunteer often for human services, such as working w/ victims of domestic abuse- providing counseling, transportation, housing, and funding.. as well as outreach programs. I'm also a mother of one, and have another child on the way.

You REALLY don't know WHAT you're talking about.

[b0ondockz]

@ryddelwearsahat There are a lot of stupid nurses. Don't be one of them trying to convince others a fetus is not a baby. Get your shit straight lady, you should know better, especially being in the healthcare field (if that's even true). A fetus is a baby, plain and simple. An elementary biology book can tell you that. You mentioned you have a "child" on the way, why would you call it a "child" then if it's not (according to you)? That's not a baby you're carrying around? C'mon.

[ryddelwearsahat]

@b0ondockz You're online when I am! Rarity!

I said 'on the way' as in, a potentiality- not an actuality. Like I asked before, with a question that obviously intimidated you enough into repsonding with mockery, hostility, and insults- why do you think we celebrate BIRTHdayS?

Also- why do pregnant women say havING a baby, or EXPECTING a baby?

Why are all references to pregnancy put in the 'work in process' terminology?

You ever meet a pregnant woman w/ one born kid who claims to -c

[ryddelwearsahat]

-c have two babies or two kids?

No.. b/c that isn't right. Until born, it is a part of her- you DO realize pregnancy occurs inside of a woman's body, right? And that it is attached to her, inside of her? Fully dependent on HER body?

..it's PART of her. That's why SHE makes the choice, not you or anyone else.

It has no personhood b/c of it's circumstances and placement and dependence.. the only personhood an embryo or fetus can have is an extension of the mother's.

[b0ondockz]

@ryddelwearsahat You're getting way off point. You said a fetus isn't a baby, and it is. It's a scientific fact. End of story.

Yes, a fetus is fully dependent on the woman's body. It's also supposed to still be dependent on the woman's body after it's born, which is why women were built to breast feed. So should we make it OK to kill the baby once it's born too? If you want to make the choice to kill, then you should be subject to the judicial system.

[b0ondockz]

@ryddelwearsahat Your logic is flawed. And why do you keep asking me about birthday parties? We celebrate birthdays because that's the day our children came into this world. It's scary that people like you, who know nothing about biology, are nurses. What about premature babies that are cesareans because of complications? Are they not babies yet?

[ryddelwearsahat]

@b0ondockz 'its the day our children come into this world'

YOU said it, not me- even you admit that BIRTH is the turning point then, not conception?

Actually, it's all the mother's decision- premature, even if it's c-sec, once it's out, it's independent. If the mother wants it, it's a baby.

That might seem hard to grasp, but that's the way it is, and should always be- if it's born and separate from the mother, then it's a baby- that goes w/o saying, preemie or otherwise. If it's -c

[ryddelwearsahat]

-c part of her, it's her jurisdiction and obviously not a separate, individual born PERSON yet. A baby is classified as a person, just so you know.

And why on earth should we legalize infanticide? WHY do you guys ALWAYS try that- it is SO stupid, it makes me wonder if you guys ACTUALLY take what you're saying seriously at all-

It's born- if the mother doesn't want to care for it, it can be given up for adoption IMMEDIATELY. Even newborns are independent and can be cared for -c

[ryddelwearsahat]

-c by ANYONE- I've seen my husband bottle-feed my son LOADS of times-

Abortion is legal and morally acceptable b/c there ARE no options like adoption or baby-sitting(womb-sitting?) for the woman- it's a 9mo life sentence good OR bad, AND at the same time, b/c the fetus is a blank slate- no 'self', or opinions/memories, or even consciousness.

There's no way abortion can justify infanticide- it makes no sense- circumstances are completely different all the way around.

[ryddelwearsahat]

-c Also- fetus is latin for 'offspring' or 'to bring forth'

And the term 'offspring' means ALL offspring, not just human offspring.

Fetus means, nowadays, offspring in the womb, at a certain developmental stage. It does NOT mean baby-

Unless of course the catholic church has once again bought/paid for an alteration in word-terminology..

[Gmatute6969]

"I have clitoris rights and I was denied them" - LMFAOOOOOOO

[NIstudent]

Doug Stanhope is my HERO.

[frantheman180]

this guys got BALLS

[noksookao]

yes!

[lucozademan999]

Holy fuck! i know its been said, but one of the best last lines i've heard in a long time.

[JLDoggard]

The Hindenbag!

[colombiacrack88]

Fuck soft-core hypocrites! this guy is the REAL deal!

[DragonKanyaa]

This has the line that made me fall in love with Doug Stanhope..." i really wanted to know what it felt like to kill a baby" 8:55-9:19

[Brookdog99]

Man I can't wait for him to do a bit on the Duggar family

[DbozenD]

HAHA next time you find a good parking spot, thak DOUG LMAO.. Its realy like a fuking instinct to HAVE MORE KIDS< MORE KIDS MORE.. fuking enjoy life why the hell overpopulate these earth, any way they gonna die from each others poop or war.. like would you want your kids go threw that ?

[Kiriyama666]

someone speaking logic that everyone tries to ignore

[18daniel]

He sacrifices his chance at becoming a mainstream comedian with his talent to discuss taboos, be honest and not give a fuck about political correctness. Absolute legend.

[xxDaemonGirlxx]

"I just didn't want you to judge!"

[xMeanBean]

I love Doug! He's incredible. Truly the voice of reason in a warped world.

[HarveyBiirdmanHD]

Who the fuck dislikes this?

[CoolerKing37]

Who was that guy on the phone at the end?

[whiteboy7176]

This guy immediately won my respect within the first minute.

[Chesterton7]

That was amazing.

[justcallmeassinine]

The analogy between the fetus and the wart and cancer had me laughing so hard that I very nearly ripped the stiches from my own operation just yesterday !! This man is DANGEROUSLY FUNNY !!!! Probably hated by so many narrow - minded twits in this world. God bless him for putting it out there !!

[justcallmeassinine]

LOL "I waited 8 days...I 've never gone 8 days in my natural load-blowin' life" (3:35) LOL

Stanhope says the things that no one else would and does not care ! He is really awesome. Deserves success and more.One of the very few left like that.

[xxDaemonGirlxx]

I love him :)

[xxDaemonGirlxx]

That was fucking amazing.

[Mircose]

I'm going to watch him in leicester square!!! yeahhh...

[andy19il2005]

Hilarious

[mongoosedawg]

That man is AWESOME.

[lifesblood]

I wonder if south park stole the idea for the medical marijuana episode and the hipitty hop balls from stanhope?

[elconchito80]

if thats your job then, i understand why you only have fucking 5 stupid rasist audience people ... people like you are living from the goverment and taxes we are paying.. this is why u wd never be able to to what we can.

[FREEAMERICANOW69]

what the fuck is wrong with the audience? abortion doesn't kill babies because they're BORN. killing born people is illegal unless you're brain dead, doing it for self-defense or on death row.

so that's an excellent punchline.

[jairorieder]

i realy wanted to see what it felt like to kill a baby

[Ragnarok6664]

"Doug Stanhope" is the king! ^_^

[kangol12323]

i really just wanted to know what it would feel like to kill a baby hahahhahahahbhbhabhahbahbha fuck kids

[BoraHorza47]

"Sterile men are hot" jesus christ, please just watch i dont need to read this idiotic shit outta the corner of my eye

[luitek]

Most hilarious punchline ever!!!

[MiddyAlmighty]

I love him so much. He is so sexy. Sterile men are hot!

[noliesundead]

lol i love telling that kill a baby bit to coworkers

the females looked shock while the men cracked up

he's the reason why im trying to break in to comedy ...long live stanhope

[pyrix]

Best of luck to you with your comedy venture :)

[FuzzyNugs420]

lol i just wanted to know what it feels like to kill a baby.....

[RobMailloux]

I got to open for doug, he's one of the most wicked nice guys in the industry.

[Timski97]

That last line was fantastic.

[cds2006]

What an incredible final line. He goes to places with his act that most comedians don't even go to in their own head, let alone in public. His technique for dealing with those who don't approve by going even beyond their harsh judgements of him and embracing those extremes is amazing.

Seen him live twice now, he's simply the best comedian alive today.

[CadicusTheDamned]

He probably won't be alive much longer. Enjoy him while you can.

[EedDeryi]

yeah, that's nice. thanks a lot

[Woozygulag]

@CadicusTheDamned

Why is he sick?

[DexterFishbourne]

@CadicusTheDamned Do you know something I don't or are you just musing on Doug's self destructive ways?

[BananaHurricane]

@CadicusTheDamned We just have to make sure we don't call his death untimely, he's out of shit.

[lifesblood]

@CadicusTheDamned I see him later this month, better not kick the bucket till then.

[Glacius147]

@CadicusTheDamned That sounds like a threat.

[CadicusTheDamned]

@Glacius147

I just meant he smokes too much and does a lot of drugs.

[xxDaemonGirlxx]

@CadicusTheDamned No one really cares if he smokes and does drugs. It's his life. He can do whatever the fuck he wants.

[mdrndrum]

@CadicusTheDamned the smoking will kill him but not the shrooms...

[janporra]

@CadicusTheDamned Maybe he's just playing a character, maybe he doesn't drink and smoke that much off stage, well I don't know him, whatever, who cares...

[CadicusTheDamned]

@janporra I've seen him once and I think he's the real deal.

[Tw1St3DSt33L]

@CadicusTheDamned Some choose to avoid risks to make it safely to death. He doesn't

[King24223]

@janporra he's a real life drunk and drug user. Also, keith richards is still alive, and his blood is cocaine, so clearly, drugs don't always kill you.

[PilmarKhinKari]

@janporra

I can guarantee that he is genuine. His standup act is not an 'act' as such. He pretty much comes out on stage and rants about everything he believes, and luckily he does it in a fucking hilarious way.

He makes jokes about how he's not going to be around for much longer too, with all of the drugs, tobacco and alcohol he partakes in. He's like me in that respect, except he is actually hilarious and intelligent whilst doing it.

[timmeh69]

@CadicusTheDamned

well thats down to genetics actually, ronnie wood has smoked more cigarettes and taken more drugs than anyone else and he's still going on and on and on. just because he does these things doesnt mean he's giving himself a death sentance it depends entirely on his genetic resiliance

[justcallmeassinine]

@Glacius147 It kind of really does sound like a threat but Cadicus uploaded it.BTW if he can do a performance like that regularly,he sure has his vices under control.

[ThisIsUngood]

@CadicusTheDamned None of us are going to be alive much longer. We have to enjoy it while we're here, like Stanhope.

[uskro]

@CadicusTheDamned It's gonna be Bill Hicks all over again.

[justcallmeassinine]

@cds2006 Well I hope that he lives long and prospers ! Love him ! Nobody with balls to put their life on the line like that anymore.Except for the Islamofacists ...and you know what they would do to him.

[dcbluestar]

@cds2006 Saw him in Buffalo. He quit smoking so don't worry, lol. By the way, so long as Keith Richards is alive there's proof that you don't always die early from excess. :)

[GnosticAtheist]

The final part is so funny I have issues breathing now. 8D

[PabloG1987]

hey, can anyone please tell me what is doug saying at

5:38-5:41

and at 9:31-9:33

i'm trying to translate "deadbeat hero" into spanish, but i'm having problems with these two.

[strevahn]

5.38-5.41 is "You feed her a Tape worm and hope it takes a left at the 'Y'" .. 'Y' referencing the shape of the ovaries.

9.31-9.33 is "I just didn't want you to judge"

[PabloG1987]

thanks a lot , man!!

[NickCarefoot]

What an epic last line.

[Jorben84]

I wish I had the guts to say things like this...

[Finch2009]

Great post!

[CadicusTheDamned]

Thanks!

[VonSchnutze]

That last joke was fuckin' awesome.

[omega770]

ROFL

[HitchensFanatic]

dildos aren't illegal in Mississippi. I have several!! Other than that, LOL! Abortions in 1955 and the stairs...

[CadicusTheDamned]

Uh oh, now I have to post the part he does about the Mississippi dildo bust.

It's quite hilarious.