Cracked TV - 5 Videos That Tried to be Cute (But Failed Hilariously)

[Ilovewienerdogs]

I.. Just.. No..

[PartiallyColorBlind]

I still like the second video

[irurwurst]

nonononononononono!!!!

[HaShomeret]

started with puking and ended with me puking...

[BearDestroyer]

anyone else start masturbating along with the animals?

[princeofbohemia]

@BearDestroyer No, you sick fuck.

[SilverSinspawn]

Why are there so many videos of animals masturbating?

[sarahlarry17]

 my daughter threw up in my mouth

[TheGilbert182]

If you told me 10 years ago id be watching animals masturbate while eating pizza i would have laughed.

[dablosser516]

Am I the only one who noticed the ninja like wardrobe changes?

[RH98]

@dablosser516 Holy shit. First time round I didn't notice, but since you pointed it out I'm pretty sure there is a subtle difference in his clothing near the end. I got it! He switches his tie for a pink bowtie. Oh Swaim, you Sneaky Wardrobe Altering Imposture Master!

[JDLupus]

The 14 people who disliked this video are probably more sane than I.

[BloodSlut]

damn i clicked the like button  to soon x)!!!

[epictroll420]

balls

[DeadPoetSean]

That Dog that was screaming scared the fuck out of me.

[Skinnyoompalumpa]

On behalf of Bharat I apologize for the cobra video

[arimen5]

my eyes bleeding :O

[lekocafe]

I will never buy Allstate insurance.

[MrMcFuzzyBuns]

First you wore a tie, then a bow tie, then switched shirts,then took off the sweater vest and got a stuffed animal, then face paint! LULZ

[MnesomnesTears]

Damn you Michael Swaim. Just... Damn you!

[superawesomesuperkid]

I... I feel awkward now...

[Asuma741]

I will never look at my dog with the same eyes again

[GothomoComics]

"This is absolutely negligent. I mean, letting your kid live in India? Come on!"

[LadyInTheRadiatorrr]

Whats that cat video at the end?

[valkyrie1845]

well that was distressing

[Doryphoroi]

That video of that dude talking with the masturbating kangaroo in the background is hilarious.

[FulgoreSama]

what video is the little puppy in the cage from?

[Hermoor]

Omg look at the bear dick! It's so sharp!!

[Forgivins1n]

I averted my eyes to type this comment.

[htimSsalohciN]

Should have included the video of a walrus blowing himself pure comedic gold!

[Shaiath]

... Wait, he changed out of his sweatervest.

Did he get docked?

[beatlefreak67]

Come on that one with the puppy talking is cute!

[htimSsalohciN]

@beatlefreak67 I agree

[DerDudeInShanghai]

holy f***ballz, this has got to be the greatest, funniest yet most disturbing video on the internet

[iwuvsweeney]

...I just watched a bunch of animals masturbating with clips of Swaim dancing around in cat make-up thrown in, set to Yakety Sax.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?? D:

[lmena12]

Seeing that a grizzly bear has a tiny dick is surpassingly emasculating

[Cruzito3000]

@lmena12 u should see the black bears,,,

[SexRobotOfDoom]

@lmena12 Please search "Animals are better than you" and watch the whole video, it's not longer than two minutes. You won't regret it.

[aznsoldier7]

I can't even click on the flag option. It's way more fun to see people complain about this.

[JustBecauseICan1000]

No! Not the jingle cats!!!!

[TheCrippledKid1]

Well, there goes my diner to that last one...

[AceofShadow]

I hate that damn theme, it makes everything funny.

[ArthurZ101]

1:20... CREEPIEST! THING! EVER!!!

[mannu911]

Does anybody know the name of the clip at 3:19?

[ManiaKattaK]

When he said "avert your eyes", it helps to. But yeah, I feel for you guys, he does tend to put disturbing things in the number 1 of his videos. *coughharlequinbabycough*

[crazedpsychomuffin1]

when i woke up this morning, i did not expect to see a bunch of animals jacking it to benny hill music.

[Mumriks]

Oh God not the Jingle Cats

[JohnMooreification]

Swaim is seriously disturbed. xD

[TheSomethingWeird]

i'm traumatized now. :(

[loserhero1982]

Kitty Swaim is adorable

[blackkat77]

oh god i couldnt watch the end part till the end... >.< im scarred for life

[flitzthesoulreaper]

OH SHIT! I LIKED BEFORE I SAW THE END! D:

[Clio20000008]

omg that make up iss soooo cuteee :3

[mybirth01]

KILL ME!!!!!

[SolidGoldKalashnikov]

FYI "aww, he thinks he's people" is a line from the classic American TV show The Simpsons

[SolidGoldKalashnikov]

YOU THINK IT'S *CUTE* TO SECRETLY CHAN;GE YOUR OUTFIT OVER AND OVER AGAIN WHILE I AM TRYING TO WATCH A VIDEO?????

[blanemcc]

@SolidGoldKalashnikov someone missed the joke

[slurpywithcheese]

lol wtf at the animals masturbating, and that cobra was defanged thats why the kid was messing with it.

[THEUNOTE]

UH....OH....MOM? KILL ME!!!

[TheLogTog]

I want that puppy! uuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh... Please remove my eyes i dont want them anymore!!!

[MrObscureReference]

1:43 = HAY< IT'S FRED! WHATS GOING ON GUYS!

[MCAMVP]

the baby thing happened to my aunt :(

[samsote]

That Puppy clip was FUCKING hillarious.

Uh, oh, Mom? KILL ME!

[xixRASBERRYxix]

Shit got wierd very fast

[trolltacular1]

CANNOT UNSEE

[tadshackles]

Swaims transformation in this video has altered my week in ways I can't yet fully communicate...

Im... different now...

[robohumby15]

The puppy sounded like Elmo.

[SgtLion]

Number 1 traumatised me forever

[theAdventurologist]

 just asking... what WAS that animal at the very end?

[kmaxy4000]

scarred for life 3:38

[PokemonBattleGirl]

all of a sudden appears a pink bow around that mans neck. :D

[ForgottenSanity1682]

that last part kind of scarred me for life...

[MrTitaniumBackBone]

oh god, that just made me lose my natural desire to have se with any animal, wait...

[karmaChaos3251]

that was disturbing...

[dinojr1144]

I thought #4 was cute >_>

[BrutticusForce]

hehehe yakaty sacks

[Naruto8754]

3:32 "Red Rocket Sparky, Comon Red Rocket!"

[theonewhokindofrocks]

so holarious

[GamerGuyM]

lol this is hilarious XD

[ReflectedDream]

#1 happened to me when I was eight years old. My mom was holding my baby sister and I leaned up to kiss her on the cheek ... adorable moment turned absolutely disgusting for me. What's more traumatizing for me is that it didn't actually taste bad.

[princesstamika]

@ReflectedDream I would have thrown the baby to the floor. ..then punted it.

[Akhiloth]

It's very disbturbing that Mike-Droid was the cutest thing in this video.

[mastercollin1400]

1:41

the dogs eyes are huge

[MBPKyle]

this video keeps my face in a constant contortion of trying to express being horrified and laughing at the same time.

[kklollypop]

I liked the constant change of clothes, lol.

[GNRfanwoot]

what the FUCK!?!?!? XD I'm scarred for life now lmfao

[Joibestasti]

You just HAD to do that -_-

[eyeswatch13579]

Uh... Oh.. Mom, KILL ME!! LOL

[kfetter16]

wow, #3... that's one badass infant. christ. im impressed!

but holy crap... #1... holy crap O.o

[malelion]

you´re really good to manifest the madnes of this media effectivly.

[80princesstori08]

kinda lame

[SuperDuperGir]

I just noticed, his outfit changes after every clip!

[Katerbug267]

um.....prettty disturbing at the end but funny otherwise

[Bigkahkistan]

I didn't expect to see a bear's pencil-like dick when I clicked on this video. I really didn't.

[n1nja0tt3r]

@Bigkahkistan clearly you don't know Swaim

[andybpiano]

@Bigkahkistan You are on Youtube...

[SpankTV]

@Bigkahkistan You use pencils that look like bear dicks?

[Bigkahkistan]

@SpankTV I use bear dicks that look like pencils.

[redac13]

I almost shit my diapers watching this.

[thegalaxyguardian]

Uh... Oh... Mom? Kill Me!

[AvengedSevenfoldKris]

How would masturbating animals be cute in any way hahahahha!

[SuzumiyaHaruhi0]

GOD BLESS YOU

[ryandarula]

holy shit.... the animals beating off at the end

[matt5112]

based on the comments I thought this was going to be a waste of time... that was the best four minutes of my day, and I worked for 8 hours.

[geekdiggy]

#1 was disturbing. i kinda just wanted to jump into the screen and field goal kick that chihuahua

[LiquidFriction]

lmao animals masterbating

[palindrome74]

Next WEEK'S video?

How about next quarter's video?

Come on host-droid Michael Swaim, let's have some truth here. Your humorous goodness knows no regularity

[Silent0imperfections]

lmao mommm kill me

[klcna]

best part was "Mom, kill me!"

[Tidermans]

The cavelcade is pretty disturbing

[DavidWithBadHair]

I second everyone saying that you need to be three hundredfold more subscribed, but meantime, I'm happy to be around at the beginning (Maybe you'll read this comment, Contrast!)

[tadshackles]

That last montage with kitty-faced swain thrown in was BY FAR the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. And I saw the original of 2g1c!!!

[IItip]

26th comment

[mitchtivi]

Oh yeah! Cracked is back!!!

[mGoLos]

"Uh oh.."

"Mom?"

"KILL ME!!"

hahahahahahahaha

[0BatGirl0]

The talking puppy was so awesome!

[puckhiggins]

This video gets a thumbs up for the mention of the Hudsucker Proxy. XD

[arakitai]

You guys deserve 10K more subscribers. And a really satisfying hand job!

[dascottjr]

Welcome back. I was hoping for another of these. I like how you were slowly being assimilated by the Clown Borg.

[nintendude1994]

cracked needs to become wayyyy more popular

[balkep86]

Kinda crappy: retro + disturbing stuff.

[metoren]

3:26 - 3:27

The single most disturbing thing I probably have seen and will top anything else that is yet to come in my life. Swaim, you're a wizard of ... what you do.

[gimmemoremusic]

the mOST disturbing video ever

[DisturbedMaggot100]

I told myself that when animals learn to masturbate the world would end... :|

[0BatGirl0]

Ever seen Little Nicky?

[llTomlll]

Damn gurl, talk about animal pr0n.

[0VP0]

Pure crazyness xD

[KaizokuSanji]

The screaming puppy was ADORABLE...poor little thing.. XD

[playittothebone]

1.37-1.43 Hilarious

[CareBears93]

That screaming dog was actually kinda cute :P

[xZippy38]

"It will NOT be repeated!"

[urrSOFTT]

lmfao

[pazzy2000]

Lmfao xD epic funny

[ChristheSuperDude]

LOL :P Wicked vid :)

P.S. First.

P.P.S. I know. I'm such a douche.

[thehasan1212]

Woohoo im the 0th viewer and PROUD