New Robot Warns When Someone's About To Walk In On You Masturbating

[tattoodfreeek]

So you're gonna go into your local branch of Curry's, go up to the shop assistant and ask for a machine that stops you from getting caught wanking? I don't know what'd be worse, asking the assistant and having her think I can't get any or having a robot watching me beat one out!!!!

[N1CKROCKZ]

have they got one that jerks you off?

[youngatnaruto]

@N1CKROCKZ yes its called a fleshlight

[celnaz]

I never had someone walk in on me throughout my 8 years in this business.

[lexxypexxy]

Why is the top comment in Chinese?

[PurpleStorm8]

Move over the dog, man just got a new best friend ^_^

[xoom1712]

what is masturbation? I am 11 years old

[venomey666]

@xoom1712 It's where you slowly push a needle into your eyeball. Have fun! ^_^

[Redragonfieldofgreen]

What is the most sensitive part of masterbation?your hearing "oh shit someone is coming up the stairs"

[barvrouwen]

It's from Onion you stupid motherfuckers nuff said, on another note a cleaning mode would be wondrous

[Cptstarcrunch1]

.....is there a poison tipped steel quill option....just curious?

[loahjoyner]

@Cptstarcrunch1 of course

[vidviewer401]

Science!

[magnumx70]

you gotta to be kidding!!!!!

[Holksma]

I make no effort to conceal my masturbating. This is clearly not marketed to me.

[QuantumStates]

wahahahahah



[mrwhoiamorwhatever]

What the F

[rorcon]

once again, top 2 comments are the same, just not in the same language.

[LordJerry777]

is it horrid that i think this would be a cool invention (for other things of course)

[roboshuffle]

The animations are brilliant.

[rbaman5]

Omg, saw this video when it was released and it's still sooooo funny!

[changderchen]

how much?

[shaneho78]

unconfirmed reports suggest that new versions of the robot are to be entirely powered by glucose

[H0ll0w360]

Holy shit this is better than a ps3 :3

[StapleGunMS]

Hmm, lefty at 0:20. What a fucking loser.

[stuge09910]

oh shit, im in that part of youtube again

[Jh5kRadio]

MUST BUY.

[superwiseman2]

'beta tester' and 'hard at work'. Nice puns.

[ncs2000]

is this some sort of parody?

[stealer111]

@ncs2000 omfg.. NO SHIT U DUMBASS...

[ncs2000]

@stealer111 dun have to be so rude, U MOTHERFUCKING SON OF WHORE

[spacedog2002]

obviously fake!



[DrAmazing]

@spacedog2002

are you sure? how can you tell?

[TheChiengify]

useless....!

[Sollirep]

Or you could just get a lock on your door

[mo2danny]

already hard at work, i saw that

[gmartdude]

@amy2015 its the onion everything us fake.

[Wolfman7870]

Wow, this is some Asian level technology right here.

[amy2015]

fake

[TheInformativeGamer]

FINALLY

[Preparetohateme]

I died at the last bit.

[totalbadass500]

Anyone else google translate the 2nd top comment?

[Surreal1229]

@totalbadass500 From now on, whenever we see this device, we know what the person is doing inside (the room)

[laggenrooney]

@totalbadass500 it means once we see this robot in the future and we will know wt the guy doing inside the room

[imye817]

@laggenrooney what you said is exactly the same in this chinese sentence"以後看到這台機器人就知道裡面的人在幹嘛了"

[Daiwannswi]

lol XD

[shem1027]

although this machine seems tell everyone you are jerk off, it can shows you are respect someone who share a living space with you have the right to jerk off. Actually, this warning robot has the same effect as a note stick on your room door "Masturbating. Do No Distrub "

[rjh7293]

那鋼針飛彈真猛!!

[wingwing0404]

Is this for real? I can't believe it.

I mean if someone see this thing's ad on the Internet of TV, and see it "wandering" around in the house, then he will be so sure that you are masturbating.

It is like....telling everyone that you are masturbating NOW!!!!

[Born2Die83]

@wingwing0404 Yeah, its real. I already ordered and received mine. Works great.

[wingwing0404]

@Born2Die83 u dont need to have one. Just call me and I will help you jerk off or guard the door for you if u want, but only if u let me watch

; /

[zara25619]

on9發明=.=

[zx176622]

射腳的用意是...

[techup2001]

What the hell is that?

[MRflameshadow]

WTF

[nacci0810nacci0810]

門鎖上不就好了....

真是此地無銀三百兩

[asadman1523]

以後看到這台機器人就知道裡面的人在幹嘛了...



[t29636358aa]

@asadman1523 its just a fake news =.=

[antpat12]

@asadman1523 Later to see the robot to know the people inside doing

[sky20501]

OGC

[eeg10]

The funny thing is, is that the very fact that the machine is operating is a clear indication that the person inside is masturbating, therefore defeating the purpose of the machine.

[BlackMagister]

@eeg10 That robot? Guarding me? No he is just vacuuming the floor and greeting guests... Sometimes firing quills into people's legs for fun.

[Nikotehwolf]

@eeg10 obviously idiot

[pogly100]

@eeg10 in my house, it would just be a sign that I was home. :)

[robskez]

@eeg10

lmfao.. so true.. this things a damn stupid joke

[Talic3]

@eeg10 Could always but a "Do Not Disturb" tag on the door. :p

[FrizzySpackleroni]

@eeg10 Not if you tell everyone it's your new, conversing toy robot! They're screwed, though, if said people have seen the advertisements..

[UniteForgetLeftRight]

@eeg10 thanyou captain obvious breakdown the joke for stupid people

[softilol]

omglol

[kvazemodas]

ROFL

[PrettyLittleLadybug7]

this is a new vidoe i see from november....so i wonder if its on the market yet??

[chuck1994able]

Dear Santa...

[Pete292323]

I used to sneak up to masturbating people, till i got a quill to the knee.

[7JoviC]

LOL

[schtr4jh]

Level: Asian =)

[XSunacX]

omg lol

[nomercy8989]

Left hand? Realy? Gues im special...

[AustrianChaos]

Is that "masturbating" guy at1:27 just hitting himself violently in the crotch repeatedly?

...

My god, I've been doing it wrong all along!

Thank you TheOnion!

[xXsilentpwnageXx]

Haha. Hard at work. i get it

[videogamesgivefun]

This is the pinnacle of human civilization. It just can't get any better than this.

[PizzuPoosa]

CMON THIS SHUD GET MORE VIEWSS LOOLZ!

[PaperFc]

cough cough!

[plommon90]

Someone get on this NOW!

[LowStackTom]

I invented a even better masturbation-help-robot (mhr): it smells my masturbation-feromones at once, detects the closest 16year old virgin and drags her by her hair into my cave.

only problem: all the 16yearolds are shaved these days ... ;( :::

[Computerdisplay]

@LowStackTom so you are a chick expelling feromones when fingering herself and kidnapping 16 year old female non-shaven virgins.

[LowStackTom]

@Computerdisplay almost.

i am a cave-man expelling feromones when fingering myself and fail to kidnap 16 year old female shaved virgins

[MrInfinite09]

LOL!!!!

[SoulElitex]

is this a troll video? cause whenever the machine is out wouldnt everyone know ur masturbating... and throwing steel picks at ppl...? wtf...

[Flailwielder]

@SoulElitex Youre new to this whole "internet" thing, aren't you?

[laputadetumadre11]

@SoulElitex welcome to the internet.

[hellb]

This might come in 'handy'. Get it? Get it?!!! no? ok.

[ricki388]

dam this is funny i sent it to people and they thought it was real news !!!!! lol

[TheYoungHustlaTV]

Lmao at the last 5 secs...

[wedgy4life]

LMAO at the animation diagrams and how it will work

[camitetox]

WTF!! I mean, i'm 12 and what is this?

[Yourpasswords]

but when ur parents see that patrolling, they know that ur mastrubating...

[obadets3]

He was going to walk in on the guy masturbating, but then he took several arrows to the knee

[mr8888angelo]

why the hell would anyone want this???

[DarthSinistris]

@mr8888angelo you must be new here.

[override367]

@mr8888angelo you misspelled "wouldn't"

[chukas88]

Wouldn't they know you were masturbating when they see the robot?

[xJoeEDangerouslyx]

I laughed out loud at the animation.

[ricki388]

@xJoeEDangerouslyx check em all out on my funny stuff play lists enjoy

[undertyped1]

I almost cried when he said steel quills

[chelseaforever10]

Fucking Hilarious!!

[motorila]

Just in time for April 1st!

[MegaLongitude]

Can't wait for the next generation model. :)

[blkanaki]

@MegaLongitude I hope the 'last resort' part can be removed and it just shoots them full stop..

[yohomey1234]

i've never got caught and i wont any time soon, so no thanx *master mind right here*

[Raveninety9]

DAMN I WANT THAT MACHINE BAD

[1SavageDragon1]

....3mins?

[HeadGirl]

@1SavageDragon1 hahahahah

[FlyingWhaleHarooooo]

@1SavageDragon1 that's part of the joke.

[MrSenseofReason]

as long as nobody knows why i bought it...

[NotJames1]

The ending made my day

[MzMaihem]

I'll take a million!

[Phycozz]

"Mom, can I have this for Christmas?" "Not that I need it!"

[TheRealFake19]

THEY STOLE ONLYUSEmeBLADE's IDEA! :P

[th3m8ngtree]

@TheRealFake19 This was uploaded before onlyusemeblade talked about it.. so if anything he saw this and turned it into a cod thing [motion sensor]

[Katazka]

@th3m8ngtree blade talked about this weeks ago...

[justmedawg]

@TheRealFake19 who the fuck is onlyusemeblade and nobody cares

[Katazka]

Hold on, didnt the PKA guys think this exact thing up like a few weeks ago?

[halowarrior1000]

@Katazka Yeah! The masturbation motion sensor! o_o

[McCRAAAZY]

I need this. Mom, can I have this for christmas? :)

[RahulaSF]

I like the ending

[extreme101010]

ONLYUSEmeBLADE invented this.

[catcharide56]

The robot looks like a pig.

[JubiTheVille]

WTF...

[1simo93521]

Wouldn't that be a master-beta tester?

[legendofwayne]

Wall-E? What the hell happened to you, bro?

[heavyrain24]

fucking disgusting indian cunt on onion now

[DiZzEeRaScAl14]

@heavyrain24 racist dickhead

[kylem1112]

Do people still read porno magz in 2011? LMAO. Oh wait.... hang on a second, i have to flip the cassette in my walkman.

[SovietBattery]

Can I be a beta tester?

[donovanzanz]

TYSO = Tug YourSelf Off?

[olympic202020]

WTF?? NOW EVERYONE KNOW YOU ARE MASTURBATING WHEN SAW THE ROBOT. NOT NEED TO ALARM YOU...EVERYONE ALREADY KNOW...HAHA SUCK....LOL

[olympic202020]

WTF??? NOW EVERYONE KNOW YOU ARE MASTURBATING WHEN SAW THE ROBOT E SEEING YOU DO IT..THAT SUCK......

[mikewalts09]

"now i can rub one out anywhere in the house" hahah that dude must not get laid. Probably tosses a lot of knuckle children daily.

[davitodude]

If people know what it's used for then doesn't that defeat the purpose of Tyso?

[SubconsciousGatherer]

F*ck this machine. I'd rather be caught.

[xLEGENDZz]

Beta testers!! LOOOL

[ALPHADESIGNTAMPICO]

Don't need it! I live alone ;')

[EdwardfaceTube]

lol why is the guy fingering himself at the and. thats not wanking. thats just wierd

[ALPHADESIGNTAMPICO]

@EdwardfaceTube He is pumping the penis pump! xD

[JakexGaming]

THIS WAS ONLYUSEMEBLADE'S $1,000,000 IDEA!

[Ferret2YourFace]

I just use my motion detector/alarm app on my android phone and put it in high traffic corridors. robot unnecessary but quills look helpful

[DrStuff142]

1:20 yeah I bet they are

[eatmyfun]

ppl still look at porno mags?

[Marc00141]

Just in time for black friday!!!

[Ivan951]

That niggas name aint colin becket...

[alacar91]

damn it i spend all my money on yugioh cards

[MitchZer0II]

Fucking finally! I can't wait to buy it.

[genestarwind7]

the man who created this deserves a Nobel peace prize for creating the most genius invention ever created by man! bravo sir ...bravo!

[69until96]

that last part of shooting them in the leg was fucking hurlarious

[yothere1209]

This one was phenomenal. Highly enjoyable. Thanks for making this video. :)

[kGmusicpage]

Omg this is so funny if u have ever been caught jerkin one out

[kingpinxxc]

Is this real?????

[Prankcafe]

@kingpinxxc yes

[srhfjimenez]

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY

[Gauthzilla15048]

They were HARD at work XD

[ness123456798]

WHATTT

[tidisC]

Ok, i hope this will work with fleshlight too.

[QuietSniffle08]

Omg the ending..... hahahahahahahahahaha

[lilcheevous]

@QuietSniffle08 ikr lmao!!!

[psykeo0]

fucking fake.

[volstron]

@psykeo0 of course it's fake-- it's The Onion

[psykeo0]

@volstron w/e still fucking gay and fake

[Enderfiction]

@psykeo0

If you know it's fake than why'd you say it was fake again even if you knew it was fake after a person said it was fake?

[pandurate]

Sometimes I don't bother closing the blinds.

[1squeez]

Check out Cyber Monday sale @ Best Buy.com

[Professicchio]

If this thing was real, it would be the killer Christmas present for most of us here.