ShwaNerd's Camping Trip Part 4

[devilzangel111451]

god's a greedy pig

[ideologger]

I went to a camp like this with an Assemblies of God friend for two summers. I grew up Catholic. I think that's what really broke my godbelief- most of the AoGers thought Catholics were witches who worshiped the Devil in Drag (aka Mary). First summer, my counselor told me such- and said that if I couldn't speak in tongues that I was going to hell. I was a skeptical kid, and thought this was BS. But it was obvious these people believed it with their whole heart. Reconciling it yielded atheism. :)

[LOAblue]

God only loves or notices you if you give him money. 

[yevfalco]

God takes Visa! 

[xratedMadHattress]

How the hell does he know exactly what the invisible man in the sky wants...must have him on speed dial or something..

[xratedMadHattress]

How the hell does he know exactly what the invisible man in the sky wants.....must have him on speed dial or something...

[Netruic]

yes dont hate kids, but if there not christian its ok, because god hates them and he is displaying his hatred through you

[Godsmasher22]

"....And God always seems to need money!"

[TheMCBADGER]

@Godsmasher22 seems even the all omnipotent is brought down by the dollar

[Jayoung1000]

Did that bastard really just ask kids to use Visa?

[Chevstriss]

wow - at the end he said you can use Visa!!!

[netherealm2]

Can't I just do direct deposit or maybe send a check to god?...Why would god need money in heaven?....I think I'll keep donating my money to those who are in need of food, medical attention, and shelter. Not to those who want the most expensive and elaborate churches to be built.

[KakuPL]

I wonder how emotional the "preacher" would be if the people attending his brainwash concert forgot their wallets ._.

[sharkjack]

@KakuPL He'd get so mad he would curse them and then two female bears come out of the bushes and main 42 children. Don't piss holy people off or they will send bears after you. It's all in the bible which is true because it says god says it's true.

[TreborNotron]

'Help! We're being oppressed!' says the Christian pacman as it eats the minorities. Ahh, the irony.

[seanturpin01]

Last offering wasnt good enough so now they gotta get the worship team to get a good upbeat song goin on and gotta get everyone to stand up.

[criskity]

"Let go of the hate... oh, unless it's for gays."

[RoyalMessup]

throw your money in the air. whatever stays up there belongs to the lord, whatever falls back down belongs to the church

[MarathonTrainer]

even before I had my atheist perspectives, I never found anything inspiring about church. I always found the music to be poor, the speaking irrelevant and uninteresting, and the rituals creepy. For me, the only thing slightly interesting is the architecture of the older churches in my city.

[snofthndr]

Does god have to see me bathing, like when David saw Bathsheba...

[Remdog44]

How much did you see people giving?

[DimitriGoryenko]

"Healing begins when the money is in my hand"

[dirtyhyde8]

I like the effects. Very cool. But the speaker can probably still tell its them.

[Ozzy0sbourne]

Oh so now people aren't giving kindly enough?

Well i'm sure if you manipulate them and make them feel guilty about not being a cheerful giver, then they'll give MORE.

IT doesn't take a fucking rocket scientist to figure this shit out.

[Ozzy0sbourne]

"right now, right now"

Vocal command with repetitive use. That should get people to come up.

[Ozzy0sbourne]

GOTTA LOVE THE SOFT MUSIC!!!

It manipulates people by getting them in a certain moodl;hjklghsdoigl'. Mood setting music. fuck themabvgiowjg fucaksnfjlashgklajtglk3weklgdv­hbgwe;lkqfjne

[Ozzy0sbourne]

WHAT THEE FUCKK!!!!!!11111!

WTF! "I don't want to be an angry person, i don't want to be a selfish person, stop the hate."

So if you don't repent or try to be healed you're angry, selfish, and you hate everything?

Oh fuck you motherfucker!

[Ozzy0sbourne]

"Healing begins when the hating stops."

QETTOlASGJTKQITJGWakszlajogwij­htqoiwaesgKSGTJQ#otigawljkeltg­kuq3iq32utWEAGJIwtgljaSZILGkja­sklg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY, make the teens feel guilty about themselves and make them feel like sinners!!!

I'm sure 99% of them don't HATE anybody, but you've now convinced them that they do and they need to repent. OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK YOU

[thousandlegger]

@Ozzy0sbourne you got it mate! this shit is fucking child abuse.

[jdt2003]

God takes VISA

[TheAtramentalGhost]

"That's right kids, God wants money. It makes him SO happy. And he'll just bless you.. with.. stuff."

[humanbeing2197]

this is a secret recording at Jones town right before the mass suicide, right? I am trying to kill myself listening to that. Girl weeping mumbles, please, I have my whole life ahead of me, don't make me drink the coolaid!

[Myschly]

So, God's getting so desperate he's selling cheap looks? Tut tut tut...

[Foxcanine1]

I'm watching the daily show while I'm watching this. Just to stay awake. At 11:12 in the morning.

[SuperSharko]

Could you imagine if you died and heaven was full of people like this? And every fucking day you worshipped God like this FOR EVER! Not billion years not 100 billion EVERY FUCKING DAY FOR EVER! WITH DOUCH BAGS LIKE THIS!

Really what could be worse?

[trista86]

Oh. My. Word.

Is there some sort of central training course that *every single Pente pastor* goes to, to learn this, or do they just watch each other and pick it up?

Also, these are kids, right? Because I'm pretty sure I heard a girl *weeping*, and I've done the same thing.

When did making children cry become a *good* thing?

[Key2daUnderground]

you know these jesus rants make me sleepy... it's better than nyquil

[vrcota]

I think it is in Genesis 5:12

"And thy Lord has said: SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!"

[GetMeThere1]

"what does it take to catch the eye of god??"

Apparently.....cash! God knows value--no doubt.

[Aurorafication]

I was there one time and some kids were giving like their jewelery, their mp3 players, other expensive shit. It was unreal!

[LilithMaura]

I'm sorry, I can't listen to this anymore. I just felt my IQ take a disasterous plunge to the double digits.

[O2BSoLucky]

Jesus needs braaains and Money!

[MATZAMAN76]

"...send more cops..."

"...more brainssss"

[Dimbnd]

I wanna catch the eye of God tonight! (With a sharp stick)

[Vinifera7]

Can't you just FEEL people's emotional states being manipulated?

[RiotRanger]

lol "If you want to use your VISA go to the back"

[Percadan]

He'll love us regardless but pay no attention to that previous statement, give us money!

[Tylonous]

This is what they should do. Throw there money up in the are and God can keep what he wants.

[saxmanchiro]

Tylonous

I think your idea of throwing the money up in the air is fantastic. If Jeebus needs it, he will certainly snap it up. Otherwise, they should give it directly to a non religious charity if they want to help needy people instead of needy clergy.

[Tylonous]

Well you could include religious charities, but you'd have to make sure they're 100% honest. There are a few that exist, you would just have to figure out which ones.

[saxmanchiro]

Can't trust them. I would never give my money to ANY church or religiously based group. They have no problem lying to children, brainwashing them and making sure they have fear of damnation instilled into their atheist skulls. You would never give money to a group known for child abuse. Same here.

[Tylonous]

Well it is true that as soon as I hear a group invoke anything religious I automatically don't give them money.

[saxmanchiro]

Sounds like a good 'rule of thumb'.

[dattelpalme83]

Wow, I never saw that all is about money that clear before.

[at0mnonymous]

OMG god takes VISA too?? and debit? SHIIT... too bad my limits only 1500... and 1000 on visa... is 2500 enough to buy me a ticket into the jesus train

[4jonah]

Healing begins when the hating stops? Then embrace the homosexuals, muslims, and atheists you hypocritical fuck...

[skills2gunz]

I would glady donate to the chruch, if I saw Jesus or god. Meh I'm too busy donating to other things anyway.

[faithisfiction]

Whoever gave these simpletons the idea that god can do anything? He couldnt even defeat a primitive tribe with chariots of iron...

"And the Lord was with Judah, and he drove out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron." - Judges 1:19

Listening to emotional canadians must blow his mind!

This is brilliant - you can buys god's affection. The canadian dollar catches the eye of god? lol...

[darkchiron]

"Healing begins when the hating stops."

I wish most Christians actually lived that ideal.

[peoplearemessedup]

@darkchiron I wish ANY christians actually lived that ideal.

[KillcrazeWoW]

Yuck, sounds like my old church. Pastors are so damn annoying.

[4jonah]

And boring

[TheTupacolypse]

Christianity is annoying.

[nathanforst]

This is so familiar that it sickens me.

[wearspjsinpublic]

Because God is so busy, we need to flash him our titties to get him to look at us.

[knappar]

so the preacher is saying give to "catch the eye of god"? how about giving to help someone and be a good person? As an atheist i feel offended by this kind of talk because christians blabber on about how atheists have no morals but they give to please a god that doesnt exist. Its very sad.

[N21X]

Wow, I think the band was about to break into "Hold On Loosely" by .38 Special!

At the end of the video just start singing,

You see it all around you

Good lovin' gone bad

And usually it's too late when you, realize what you had

And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago,

Who told me,

Just Hold On Loosely, but don't let go

[DavinCreed]

Reminds of Microsoft technology conferences.

[ArranoGris]

I guess the fee for the camp wasn't enough to satiate God/Jesus/not God/God's appetite for CASH!!!

[bullwhipjesus]

Do you know your enemy!

Silence is the enemy!!!!!

Now get out there and get rid of the bullshit know as jesus!

[JacobDeadman]

listen to east jeus nowher by greeday. that describes this perfecctly.

[bullwhipjesus]

Yes I did know that, that is were I got it from, but thanks anyway.

[zenboy3000]

God takes Visa & Interac? WTF?

This is the most transparent and pathetic attempt to justify taking money from people i've ever seen. So god needs to be showered with presents and gold for him to take a liking to you? wtf? He didn't even say where the money would go!

Let me guess... You give money to celebrate god so later that night the pastor can go out and celebrate you celebrating god.

[ImTeslabeotch]

haha All I could hear was Fatboy Slim's Drop the Hate.

[sweetsweatyfeet]

Tell them you are an ardent atheist and see how much they "love" you.

[dlandon2000]

The very first part about not hating is actually a good message, too bad it's poisened by the religious bull which can make them hate...

[rohanwotan2]

Geez, I hadn't realized that god was so broke that he had to beg. I know a good street corner downtown he could have, should be able to make $30 an hour there!

[chevon1920]

Are those stats for Canada or all of north america?

I think I'm going to start going back to church, this is really funny.

[jonbej]

give me your money to see the eye of god ... why can't I give my money to a hooker to see her whispering eye but this is allowed :P

[SmilingSkeptic]

Wow. Jesus needs an awful lot of money. What does it take to catch the eye of God? What a stupid question. What happened to the all-seeing, all-knowing thing? He/she/it is supposed to be watching you AT ALL TIMES.

[leftcoastcrazy]

One can look at the pie-graph as hope for the future. The non'religious slice keeps expanding year after year.

Are there many youngsters at the camp who share your skepticism. As someone who never experienced religious indoctrination like this, I'd like to know.

Thanks for the great reporting.

[TaylorX04]

I've been to at least four different youth camps, with four different churches, and I'm starting to think they're all like this. Have activities during the day so that you wear the kids out, then have long and emotional worship with a loud sermon to get their tired minds on the Jesus train, and of course you finish by asking for money during the height of the sentimental experience.

[thegyger]

So have they asked for money at eh end of EVERY gathering!?!?

[EnilRorrim]

You think he includes gays when he talks about letting go of hate....? Or are those exceptions?

[Vogter2100]

After two minutes I had to stop listening to this shite. Or I would have choked the first xtian I run into with my bare hands.

[lessergnome]

God needs your money, but let us hold onto it for him, and maybe even make a few purchases. After whole, god wants me to live in multiple mansions.

Oh, and anger is bad apparently. (goes back to counting money)

[Lovingdoubt]

No matter what religion you go to, it just seems God is bad with money... he always seems to need more

[1n354a]

well no wonder jesus got all pissed off at the temple and beat the shit out of the money lenders...he probably got taken many times by then...which is quite embarrassing considering that he is a god.

[AbyssalLyrist]

I'll give money just to make this guy shut up.

[JOKERSFREAK]

Jesus died on the cross for YOU. Repay him by giving us all your fucking money!

It's sad how fast that crowd bought into this shit. He was blabbering on about God, made some "jokes", then went right into the offering. They all bought it like it was a free car giveaway.

Does Jesus accept PayPal too?

[IBrakeForWogs]

Give money !

It makes God notice you and love you back !

(btw it belongs to him already and how dare you withhold or steal what is His)

Ok, send out the plates !

[Psych971]

Who gets off on listening to that shit? STFU already. Just repetitive nonsense.

[LordReserei]

I think I'll stick to Vulcan and Jedi philosophy for emotions...they make more sense. ^.^

And, I think I'd rather give my money to oh, I don't know...the homeless like not long ago when the heat was sweltering and I gave a homeless guy with a dog who was dehydrating some water along with a couple of extra bucks for food rather than some one who I can't see physically.

[mitchnesbitt]

but doesnt Jesus supposedly love everyone already?

another contradiction to add to the list of religion!!!!

[mitchnesbitt]

love the intro song!!!!

Cells ROCKS!!

[ManicRevelation]

Fuck me. I had to retaliate when I was turning fourteen to stop attending this shit with my mom's family. I had no patience for it because I was educated.

Funny how your brain forgets shit like this when you turn twenty.

People eat this up while I actually try to listen to what's said. Benny Hinn was entertaining because he knocked peoples' lights out. Music was good to sleep to as well. Cheap, repetitive, mindless, enexperienced shit like this from people like these though... Frustrating...

[XChillX42]

...NNNahh, I'll just stick with going blind with rage every so often.

[ManicRevelation]

XChillX!!

You just need some love in your soul man! I want you to stand up and let all your hatred melt away! The healing can begin when you drift into my holy ass hole and send sixty dollars, or more if you love Jesus enough to get into heaven, to 2-3-Fo----so-s P***!! Share the love you confused bitch!

(My apologies for choosing you for satire.)

[XChillX42]

No u

[scarygood48]

I wonder if they actually believe some of the bullshit that comes spewing out of their mouths or if its simply ALL about the money.

[Lunasaur]

No no no, lol. ANY psych will tell you, NO emotions are wrong. 

*facepalm*

It's unhealthy to suppress these things. It's obvious to everyone but christians apparently.

[PluralOfEverything]

I like how he says the bible says that Yahweh likes people who give money to the church, but he doesn't say where. What a con artist.

[BornInAsphodelMeadow]

I just realized that my parents used to do this to me all the time. "Oh, you don't like the dentist? well you're going, and you're gunna smile and enjoy it". Doesn't matter what it is, you're supposed to do it and smile while you do, otherwise it makes it seem like you don't appreciate this wonderful priveledge you have to do what they say to. Christians are blessed to be given the priveledge of parting with their money so that their skydaddy will be pleased with them. A fool and his money...

[thegranitehammer]

Christianity involves repeating vagueries ad nauseum. I can't see anything else to it. There's no substance.

[dugges]

Thats a quoteworthy statement - like it

[BornInAsphodelMeadow]

"hey guys, can you play something uplifting and celebratory? I don't know, something jolly, something that will inspire these people to give and feel bad ifi they don't because everyone else is happy to. I want something that will make those who don't want to give feel like bad people. Guys, it's not hard, I'm trying to squeeze as many drops of change from these idiots as I can, I need some way of abusing their emotions to my advantage, just play something like that. Good."

[NearVSMello]

Beautiful!

[mathmexican4234]

ugh, this reminds me of the days back when i had to go to a youth group...the cheesy background music with some guy babbling about nothing.

[wmd1]

Why do Christians need to be constantly reminded not to be stingy assholes?

Not only do they need the constant reinforcement, but they need to be bribed and/or threatened into the bargain.

What does god need all that money for anyway, you know hes just going to blow it on virgins and BBQ.

[fiveheadlol]

Heaven is a sausage-fest anyway.

[1140Cecile]

So, this guy is saying that god ISN'T always watching us, that we have to "catch his eye" by giving money to the church. Sounds more like an accounts receivable clerk or an IRS agent than a god.

[TheSkepticalArtist]

I'm going to give tonight because this doesn't even belong to me, it belongs to him!"

Did that part send shivers down anyone else's spine?

[bamboo4tameshigiri]

wonderful pseudopsychobable from the cult leaders

[IPreferEvidence]

This is ridiculous...

[johnycannuk]

So Christianity is really a 2000 year old pyramid scheme that hasn't collapsed yet?

Interesting...that means the Pope is Bernie Madoff.

Holy crap.

[musicgeniusno1]

"What catches the eye of god?"

Obviously he turns a blind eye to the suffering in the world. But the visa card obviously gets his attention..

Thanks for posting Shwa :)

[bloodyrediron]

God wants you to want to give?

What a despicable wanker, catching the eye of god my arse.

[tehpageofcups]

Man, they toss in that "giving" thing all the time. God wants money... that seems the most important thing to god according to these people.

How can anyone not see through this bullshit?

[LogicIsDying]

Purely disgusting.

Am I the only one that thinks the section of christianity looks like pac-man. Also Whenever I see the poster I think of Monty Pyton and the Holy Grail. "help help I'm being repressed"

[Brenaim]

He opressed me, did you see it, he did.

[LogicIsDying]

Now we see the violence inherent in the system.

[pen12345]

"take your visas to the back" WTF!? this makes me die a little inside:( he might as well of said "give me all your monies you brainwashed slaves or god wil put you in hell!"

[pen12345]

God's accountant must be loaded.

[JesusSavesAtCitibank]

Still the biggest con game in the world! Disgusting.

[pimpolinka69]

Holy shit, staying there for more than 5 minutes would make me puke.

[freethinker3161]

wow, i want to catch the eye of god, lol, can't wait to hear your commentary on the jesus camp james. all the best bro.

[Orin00r]

Why are they playing Piano while the pastor speaks?

[bbugmenott]

american church is a traveling show.

[pimpolinka69]

It's all about emotions when you go there. Shouting, singing, music. Like on a concert. Less you think, more you enjoy.

[justintempler]

Tools of the trade

Hypnosis.....Rhythm, Repetition, Music

Crowd Pyschology

Guilt

Sex

I see God takes Visa.....

[wolfwing1]

As the others said I think not everyone realizes this, but go look at some of the videos dealing with Peter Popoff, Benny HInn even the Christian ones will point out how it's all about hypnotisim and such.

[MrsBookKid]

I love how making God proud of me just requires me giving him money and not doing good things to help other people. I must be such a disappointment! = )

[4G3NTanon]

Possessions and money all belong to god, so give it back already. Sheesh! :)

[AtheistdotEDU]

Money... whatever is in your hand. This is what catches the eyes of god...

Holy crap, so embarassing.

[DancingRabbit52]

I love it when they 'maybe'. By calling out random 'maybe you are hating blablabla' they are going to seem almost psychic to those who randomly happen to be hating whatever. And the bow your heads and close your eyes, let's put you in a yet more suggestive state of mine. And lift your hand, so you can make a partial close of the sales pitch. And 'thank you' so we can get some peer pressure going while no one is looking. Yeah, this is big this is huge... a huge pile of crap!

[dangerouslytalented]

Maybe all those foxnews anchors should take this advice...

And what is all this "begin" stuff? Does this imply that they were not already forgiving people and stuff?

[CuriousMoth]

*Says, "God, this is for you!" and sticks up a big middle finger.*

[narudis]

more like he wants to catch the "load" of god. And when I say "load" i mean money shot. And when I say money shot i mean a shot of baby batter. And when i say a shot of baby batter i mean he wants to catch a giant wad of jizz in his mouth/anus...

[Jermbot15]

Proof that the most boring crap can sound inspirational with a guitar accompaniment.

[chris3443]

You are a stronger man than I, I would have been out of there in the first 5 minutes

[JustaEropeanGuy]

Is it me or did I hear some racism in there some were?

[limpnail]

God gets depressed????? whf. Putting human emotions to an un-human being?? Face palm! And whats with the always begging for money? Is that an every day event? Didn't parents dole out big bucks just to send the kids there?

[ShwaNerd]

Yeah, it costs like several hundred dollars just to go there for one week. You gotta pay that before all of this EXTRA begging for money.

[joegocal]

awesome deal for them though. Its like making people pay money, to pay money... brilliant. I'm surprised casinos can still make money after this.

[wolfwing1]

it's beging, but from a logical point it barly make sense, your parents have given, but for many peoiple they themselves didn't put money into it, so you still have to give. Not that I would give one red cent to them but still :> From their point of view it makes vague sense.

[TheMysteriousCorner]

Wow. Begging and manipulation at its finest..... That is truly sickening.

"GIVE ME MONEY, AND SMILE WHILE YOU DO SO! OR GOD WILL NOT BE HAPPY!" was what I heard.

[supervillan]

hahhaah this is scarey

[spikesmth]

I would resent being spoken to like a child. Masking the message in bullshit is worse than the message itself (which is only bad because it advocates prayer and entitlement more than action and humility).

To deny our emotions is to deny our humanity. But within bounds of reason we must consider the overall & local social consequences of our acts. Shit, this whole thing is LOLMAX! Hail Science, Get Money :-)

[IC1101]

Does someone force you to go this camps?

[FelleAndersson]

His parents (or, mother), they aren't aware that he's an atheist

[ricardas83]

He's father knows it.

[Nimnoms]

I like the music and theatrical rhetoric.

[TheReasonWhyGuy]

I've been votebot'd again, so I re-uploaded most of my videos and was wondering if you could help rate/comment them?

[DancingRabbit52]

I was also votebotted yesterday. Lot of that going around. Must mean we are doing something RIGHT!

[TheReasonWhyGuy]

Being that a program has been writen that decreases the damage down, I think voteboters are getting annoyed.

If you need the program, I'll see what I can do.

[DancingRabbit52]

yes, for sure. i'd like to try the program.