C-SPAN: Stephen Colbert Opening Statement

[AndrewChan84]

The invisible hand of the free market may have sent American farms to Mexico, but the invisible phallus of the government did the pointing!

[kylescotternest]

SEASONAL MIGRINT FEILD WORKERS. EVERY SEASON LETS PICK SOME MEXICANS FROM MEXICO AND GIVE THEM SEASONAL SOBS DURING THE SEASONS OF HARVEST. THEY SAVE THERE MONEY AND TAKE IT BACK TO MEXICO. MAN IM A GUNEIS BUT I CANT SPELL IT SO. IM JUST SMART.

[simjabb]

KONY 2012

[WildCardFive]

he's hilarious, but he's also unlucky in that he always draws dead crowds at things like this and it makes you cringe.

[trentigalaxy]

@WildCardFive making people at events like this laugh with glee defeats the purpose of the speech/statement. purposely making people in positions of power feel guilty, uncomfortable, ridiculed, ashamed, stupid, angry, esp. when they should know better, is a part of colbert's schtick . and the way that it plays out on TV is so damn funny, better than any current sitcom

[pdv022]

They stopped laughing for a long time.

[Kaleban]

Love how at 4:41, during the smart, funny and insightful satire that Colbert is pumping out as always, one of the so-called leaders of our country is so bored she's texting.

If the military swore an oath to protect out country against all enemies both foreign and domestic, isn't it about time for the military to arrest all these assholes masquerading as responsible leaders and stick them in Guantanamo for conspicuous acts of domestic terrorism?

[thelol1759]

@Kaleban If only our leaders could listen.

[bottleracket]

Ahahahahha - those fucking losers have no sense of humor

[briendownie]

why is nobody laughing?

[bottleracket]

@briendownie Because they're not human

[lwgreendog18]

@bottleracket you meant heir human that lost their humanity which making human a contradictary to what i just said...

[Astrogod07]

Apparently most of congress doesn't have a sense of humor

[halcyonacoustic]

That was the funniest thing ever.

[flavoredwallpaper]

Apparently this kind of humor is totally accepted in English politics.

Makes me jealous...

[xeryph]

Haha no, he's still as sharp as ever. Apparently, there's been some rule adopted that politicians must maintain a "stick up my ass" expression at all times.

[SuperSaiyanNaruto]

No one laughed at half his jokes and all you disillusioned Colbert fanboys have got your cheeks bulging with Sumner Redstone's semen. I remember back in 06/07 when he was actually funny. He peaked with the White House conference with those jabs against Bush, and I (and probably most of the nation) haven't heard much of him since. I know you guys are joking when you say you would rather see him as a lawmaker instead of current politicians, but some of you sad fucks kind of scare me. Get help.

[flavoredwallpaper]

@SuperSaiyanNaruto

Haha are you kidding? He has been becoming more and more popular since '06/'07!

[fowlkesbrian]

@SuperSaiyanNaruto "No one laughed at half his jokes"

That's true. I laughed at all of his jokes.

Also, someone calling himself "SuperSaiyanNaruto" made a disparaging remark about "fanboys". True story.

[gj88drumstik]

@SuperSaiyanNaruto If you dont think colbert is funny anymore here's an idea for you...fuck off, you sad fuck, don't watch the videos then. I bet this is your day job, scrolling youtube videos of things you don't like, then you take jabs at people who do like it just because you don't, get a life loser. You say people are 'disillusioned', why? because people like something you don't? Why can't people like you just die a slow painful death? Your a cock smoker!

[Theloveshow60to70]

@gj88drumstik I noticed Bill O Reilly has 4 million hits on a Richard Dawkins video. And of course their are thousands and thousands of folks like you who say, Sarah Palin is a slut and so is her daughter. George Bush is a liar and killer and all Republicans are demons. So head on over and see for yourself. The difference now is you are under fire and are about to get run over by people who work, don't take meds, and don't get anything from the government.

[abby495]

lmao yeah bring life to c span. Stewart Colbert 2012!!

[decmasta]

"because apparently, even the invisible hand doesn't want to pick beans"

[RabbiRedEye1]

I love this guy.

[BRHINOFACE666]

the guy over colberts left shoulder is terrifying

[abby495]

@BRHINOFACE666 That's because he's trying hard not to smile adopting a weird unnatural grimace.

[Jdiggy77]

Trolling Congress...Epic!

You wack-ass youtube trolls take notes. This is how it's done.

[16dunner]

The solution? Stop eating fruits and vegetables.

He did it because he killed a man in Ireland

[J0nnyCArr]

Trolling like a Boss....

[ChanneledKnowledge]

corporate elites dont want you to see the stories featured on CHANNELEDKNOWLEDGE:ORG.. why else would the mainstream media choose to ignore such interesting stories..? check out our archive and see for yourself..

[netttels]

RON PAUL 2012

[Daevi1]

i love how that girl was cracking up even before he started talking

[quinnyb1886]

how are these people not laughing their asses off

[TropnevadNitsuj]

@quinnyb1886 if you notice at the end the audio changed and you could here people chuckling ... i think it was probably edited out .... maybe, im not sure

[nightreaper999]

this guys great

[iTzJimBoi]

His sarcasm is so well hidden LOL...

[scoob2007]

@iTzJimBoi Really?

[lolzorcerer]

You can see the guy behind him stifle his smile dozens of times

[dolcedaddy]

so funny! and so true...at least someone is telling the truth...sometimes it takes humor to get the point across.....stupid congressmen, with their stale faces...

[gwheyduke]

He makes more (non)sense than the elected officials.

[AlmaSpiteful]

Stephen Colbert can get it. And I sincerely mean that.

[nismofury]

Congressional hearings must be stupid to let a comedian turn their venue into a comedy act. Waste of time money and validity. Love colbert but this shows how stupid our politicians are.

[KenRocker1968]

...

[motopack]

Compare this to Mike Rowes congressional testimony.

[Benison09]

BRO !! USA #1

[TheAngeltoDemon]

It's representative of a sad state when I believe America's top comedic political satirists would make better leaders than the jokers we have in office now. Stewart and Colbert, 2012

[amjsanders]

Is that Dana Bash the Ron Paul stalker to the right?

[Mikerulez101]

Am I the only one watching the guy with the glasses behind Colbert struggle so hard to not laugh or smirk!? lol let it out, bro.

[MrClemonskunkel]

It's nice to see people speaking up for people that can not. You the Man.

[ardahansakar]

4:04 you see the devil?

[ChuckPalomo]

Intergalactic superbadass epic IRL troll.

[rkfool]

I don't really like Colbert personally but that was pretty funny

[MattDel907]

whats with the whack-a-mole at 1:19?

[RyansQuick6]

Gotta love Sheila Jackson Lee proving how worthless she is every chance she gets

[TheBfanboy]

I'm economically right-winged, but still, I love Stephen Colbert.

[DesertSmeagle]

comedy is a great way to get shit across haha

[jasmil731]

Another reason I can never serve in Congress; I haven't the strength to not laugh at funny jokes.

[xESOTERlC]

lol @ stiffs lookin all pissed

[NGTGO]

Watch this. At one point he does break character and get serious about what he's talking about.

[BEANPOLE111]

Stephen Trollbert.... lol but he's awesome

[subzi]

i think a TROLOLOLO!! will fit right here. jesus christ yanks are hillarious

[megaterra69]

lol This is great.

[dustin55]

Omg this guy is hilarious

[bizzy17]

Love Colbert! I made a video of the president berating Congress in the first ever HONEST STATE OF THE UNION. Check it out and like this comment so people can see! :D

[KyleJPie10]

lmfao the troll master

[Lethn]

I am so going to troll the British parliament like this one day.

[maxpowers518]

Many members of congress like the woman at 4:41 simply do not give a fuck what Colbert has to say. Proof that congress has gone to shit. I'm a liberal, but I'd vote for Stephen Colbert any day. The man has balls.

[ItstheWayfarerWearer]

@maxpowers518 Stephen Colbert is as liberal as Jon Stewart, his tv show persona is supposed to mock right wing pundits like Bill O'Reilly.

[bobmarleydied9]

@maxpowers518 i'm pretty sure colbert is a liberal...or at least moderate. he's just in character as a crazy conservative.

[thepower1802]

@maxpowers518 And possibly more importantly, he has brains.

[topherice]

@maxpowers518 Colbert is a Liberal too, why would that be such a stretch to vote for someone with the same ideals as you?

[MisterMillz01]

@topherice Another person confused about Stephen Colbert's character lol. I wonder how many republicans are out there thats watch Colbert and think hes being completely serious.

But apparently theres a few liberals too lol.

[minhxminh]

@maxpowers518 She's taking a picture of him :)

[OnkelStein]

"I yield the balance of my time"

[bensmusicdotorg]

This. Is. Brilliant.

[MickeyMacaroney]

that girl behind colbert was definitely eye fucking him the whole time

[BlueHawkPictures17]

He makes a funny joke, everyone puts there poker faces on and don't laugh until he makes a boring political joke.

[jomitast]

I really like this guy, he actually gives the bird in closing, intelligent satire and was lost on almost everyone because they were not listening LOL…

[katedebluv1234]

king of satire

[eracholo17]

Dana Bash in the background!

[asalitur]

SHEILA JACKSON-LEE!!!! TURN OFF YOUR PHONE!!! SHOW SOME RESPECT!!!!

[dnatravels]

If you were reared on a farm, you know exactly what laboring in the fields is. If you were not, join a community food plot co-op & get some 1st hand experience albeit between Starbucks lattes Having worked the last 2 weeks replanting Long Leaf(24 acres) using hand planting dibbler crews, white rural farm labor volunteers (1 group of 7 lasted 10 hours over 2 days, replanting 2500 trees) 3 white guys working at $8.00 an hour over 2 weeks, made it to machine planting for the remaining 20 acres.

[XxRyanMGxX]

All the way up to C-Span one, look down at the bottom "C-Span three"

[HippieDrummer06]

lawl to all the fag's saying "oh he's mocking them he should be more serious." GOOD, they deserve to be mocked, and there's nothing more hilarious than doing it this way. BALLS

[SoundOfDeathUS]

Stephen Colbert: Real Life Troll

[skuterixas91]

@SoundOfDeathUS

who did he troll ?

[SoundOfDeathUS]

@skuterixas91 lol all the politicians

[andrtc]

What! Can't believe the woman @4:39 checked her cell phone during this speech!

[kimigurl11]

Gay guy trying really hard not to laugh behind him.

[rbingerisdabomb]

I'm an 18 year old that wrote a book called "The World Through the Eyes of a Teenager" and it would be my dream to get onto Stephen's show. Please give me a thumbs up and help me get noticed. It would mean the world to me.

[herpderpmonkey]

Man, I wish Colbert knew when to be serious.

[PazGuerro]

@herpderpmonkey

I know same here, he is actually pretty competent and could have used this hearing to put the fire to these Congressmen's asses, but instead mocks and annoys them. It works on his show, not so much here...

[GDWS81]

Epic!!!

[xlinkx1234]

4:40 bitch be texting during Stephen Colbert statement

[AdamRyanKirkwood]

I can't stand those middle-class squares who have no sense of humour. Half of the people in that room!

[Dpesh7]

he has great writers lol

[iampleasant]

RIIIIIIIINNNNSSSSEEEEED

[Alberturkey54]

? How does this happen in America? Why are celebrities invited to congress??

[Narmocu]

@Alberturkey54 Because he probably understands the issues better than Congress.

[yoonsunlee]

@Alberturkey54 So... what you're basically saying is: celebrities aren't expected or allowed to be politically active? They are citizens, too, they have just as much right as anyone else to talk to Congress or support causes they believe in.

[GoatZilla]

oh god... the invisible hand bit destroys me... who writes this shit?!

[MyLittleZergling]

ooh... tough crowd... governments are too serious

[SPanther3]

Colbert 2012!

[PaladinHero]

Who is that amazing brunette piece of work behind Senor Colbert?  Beautifully distracting. :(

[weaksauce11]

HA Dana Bash in the background. presstitute

[skatepunkap]

Like a boss!

[MattFerrantino]

@Redshooter.....no. This is way bigger than that.

This is Colbert Trolling not only Congress, but all the TV news networks covering the story, all the viewers watching the story, all of US, on YouTube, watching him Troll....he's even Trolling the Trollers of the internet, by Out-Trolling them on such a colossal scale, so definitively.

This is without a doubt the Opening Statement of the Most Epic Troll in History.

[phriendlybear]

giving out working visas is a great idea, which makes me like this performance even more.

[nytquil1]

"The genetic engineers over at the Fruit of the Loom have made great strides in human fruit hybrids!" I nearly died of laughter hearing that. That was just genius!

[shahree100]

brilliant..

[4x00th]

Colbert isn't an idiot. He has a sense of humor that allows him to communicate to the public

[vballpaul13]

This was a subcommittee about migrant workers and border control..Colbert knew exactly what he was doing and did it in perfect satirical fashion...everyone listening on that committee got his point and know he is right, but will be too proud and stubborn to admit it and change...that guy is a genius

[BloodyRageNoMore]

rofl!

[mikesilverdale1]

greatest speech ever

[fountainsi95]

I'm pretty sure the problem with politics is as simple as "none of the these schmucks have a sense of humor"...especially the dude with the glasses right there...I would have been cracking up if I was there

[PGWARNER]

 Does he realize how many ppl yearn for the chance to speak before Congress to get help for serious issues like child abuse, money for schools, cancer research, etc?!!! And this idiot blows it by clowning around. They should've had guards escort him out

[Sickboyfriend]

@PGWARNER I think that was just his style. He did have a valid point though: there are jobs out there in United States, it was just that no Americans wanted to do them.

[nugfairy]

Its interesting how nobody laughs until the end when he says " I trust that both sides will work together in the American interest as you always do"

[PacificMoceans]

lmaooooooooooooooooooooo

[InspireLaughter]

I couldn't be there. I would be laughing loudly

[doubledutch6rudder]

tough crowd



[Rienders]

The absolutely worst thing about this speech: the woman at 4:42 texting instead of listening .. THAT is the problem. People semi-listening a bit and not not caring instead of ACTUALLY listening.

[Yowzoe]

A rare thing--hilariously speaking truth to power.

[firstade86]

He hopes it can make it to C-SPAN 1 and it's on C-SPAN 3 haha.

[HDAlexDo]

Is that Dwight Scrhute int he background?

[TheLockon00]

That Invisible Hand joke was amazing.

[ajryox]

The guy sitting behind Stephen not laughing is one of his writers on the Colbert Report, Opus Moreschi. I guess he managed to keep a poker face because he'd already heard the speech.

[SubzeroZebra]

@ajryox ohhhh

[sunslap]

@ajryox that chick behind that guy has the ugliest poker face I've ever seen. :)

[ajryox]

@sunslap Yeah, she does have a pretty fucked-up grill. The Asian girl behind Stephen isn't bad though...

[TheSolitaryTraveller]

@ajryox If i saw that guy at night on the side walk using that stay on me, i would feel like i'm about to be murdered.

[clayton6064]

I love the Colbert Report, but actually intruding into our political system with mockery is offensive to the American people.

[TheloniousCrunk95]

@clayton6064 really hoping you're being satirical here

[empathictempest79]

@clayton6064 You're wrong claiming that Colbert's "mockery is offensive to the American people". I'm an American, but I didn't find his statement offensive. He wouldn't have to mock it, if the system isn't abused.

[chucknorrisrules1111]

Stephen Colbert, doing God's work

[sthesailor]

colbert is PURE WIN

[MALIRIPPA]

epic

[broome090]

Yeah steven keep it real

[liln4444]

Sorry to ruin the comedy, but Colbert says that the FREE-MARKET moved these jobs to Mexico. Are you kidding me? POLICY moved the jobs there

[MultiMonkeyLove1]

"Like most members of Congress, I haven't read [the bill being discussed]". Sad but true.

"I am sure that you [members of Congress] will work out this issue to help the American people first- you always do" Not true, still sad.

Oh, Mr. Colbert, you are too much.

[BigTeamButch]

Stephen, say out of the white house run. You'll just be taking votes from Ron Paul who already needs every vote he can get. You support him, so why not just endorse him?

[RevanHorner]

@BigTeamButch Do you actually believe that Colbert is a Republican?

[WormYourHonor64]

@RevanHorner Do you believe Ron Paul isn't appealing to Liberals?

[ScPrideBaby]

Colbert For President 2012!!

[krissmith1986]

@ScPrideBaby or not...

Dr. Ron Paul 2012!!!!

[4girls1bucket]

Stephen Colbert is the man.

[StitchesScreens]

americans are immigrants

[tmakepeace1]

Who was looking at that dude with glasses the whole time to see if he would laugh or not????

[allschoolreject]

@tmakepeace1 think he was distracted by the hot girl next to him.

[TheHouseOffice]

@tmakepeace1 It's Real-Life Dwight Shrute!!

[tmakepeace1]

@TheHouseOffice hahahaha he looks just like him!

[porkymania90]

@tmakepeace1 I was too busy trying to get a look at the girl on his left.

[NitroDSP]

@tmakepeace1 He is actually one of Steven Colbert's cyborg bodyguards.

[ScienceFindsGod]

Use welfare to augment the pay of American farm workers.

[AwesomeCoosa]

He has a few good points but his smart ass comment makes him look like an idiot.

[SpearofDestiny0]

LMFAOOOOOOOOOO

[tmafkap]

I approve of this message!

[CrazyAlbinoTurkey]

Why the hell isn't anyone smiling. I mean I know it's a serious issue, but realt?

[docsein1]

The chick behind him is pretty nice.

I'd tap that.

[blindedby2monkeys]

@docsein1 but she wont bbbbbahahahoahohahoahohaohohao­hahahaha

[UTAUn00b]

Stephen Colbert: King of the IRL Trolls

[andrewmaddennn]

It's DR. Colbert bitches!!!!!!!

[obbycloak]

Most soil is at ground level!

[docsein1]

@obbycloak

What? It is?