51 Jokes (in Four Minutes)

[Sanebison]

Whats brown and sticky?.....a Stick

[theMarcus4131]

Here something for you, my gf sitting next to me watching while I was trying to register a account I typed MYpenis then it said too short then my gf fell on the floor dying :)

[BjornTooth]

@theMarcus4131 She just up and died? I'm sorry for your loss.

[coolme1015]

whats the longest book Hellen Keller has ever read?

A basketball.

[SnubbyHD]

how do you distract a blonde?

paint yourself green and throw forks at her

[SnubbyHD]

what did the boy with no legs or arms get for christmas?

cancer

[renesrn]

Awe. Some.

[redbird8899]

you talk to fast...

[Rockerman327]

How do you make lady gaga cry?

Pokerface.

[Testra1000]

Two men walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would've noticed it!

[JungoLego]

I had a joke about Alzheimer's, but I forgot

[mtrlake]

Y couldn't Helen Keller drive? BECAUSE SHE'S A WOMAN!

[madmanJSK]

Nerdfighter1: How do you get Pikachu on a bus?

Nerdfighter2: Poke 'im on.

Nerdfighter1: No, NAIL HIM TO IT!

That, my friends, is neo-comedy.

[ghosts2kewl]

Y did the chicken cross the rode? I don't no but there sudenly was KFC on the other sise

[POPclogger216]

After Quasimodo died, the priest searched for a new man to ring the bell. Men gathered around the bellfry and tried to ring the bell, but no one could. Then, an armless man came up and said he could ring the bell. The man stepped up to the bell and started hitting it with his face. He could not only ring it, but it was the most beautiful sound anyone had ever heard. The man jumped with glee, until he fell over the side and died on impact.

[POPclogger216]

@POPclogger216 The priest ran down to where a small crowd was gathered around the man. One person walked up to him and said "Do you know who this man is?" The priest shook his head sadly and replied "No, but his face rings a bell."

[hahamouad555]

you have the voise of a radio

[zGumbii]

why did the baby cross the road? it was nailed to the chicken.

[TheFrenchmenPlatoon]

Hello there NerdFighteria, we are some Australian nerd fighters and we wish to spread awesome. Though we do not have many viewers. We are Vlogbrother approved (They subbed to us), so you can trust that we are good. It would mean a great deal to us if you came and checked out our channel. Thank you and DFTBA

[kingmushroom100]

A man walks into a bar...and gets shot

the end

[Guardian2012Angel]

Why did the kid fall off his bike?

He was hit by a truck!

[Lipslide481]

If it takes 3 minutes to boil one egg. How many minutes does it take to boil 9 eggs?

[PixelatedTofu]

@Lipslide481 3 minutes.

[PixelatedTofu]

@Lipslide481 or it might take slightly longer if you are boiling them all in the same pot. as volume of water is different. but boiling them in different pots all at the same time? 3 minutes.

[sinnoh2014]

wait.. december 4th? this was uploaded on feburary 4th... you failed hank

[Ooofoxyladyooo]

Ha I just got the first joke lol

[flunerClay]

reminds me jon lajoe

[godswordistruth34]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

cuz there was a kfc on the side he started on!

[catsthateatdogs1198]

@godswordistruth34 ....fail

[foozedude]

Two men walked into a bar. The first man said to the bar tender " I'll have some h20." The second man said " that sounds good, I'll have some h20 too." The second man died.

[vixinangel69]

that was stupid.... get some better jokes.... lol

[kumeahsoi]

First daughter:Mom, why did you name me Daisy?

Mom:Because when you were born, a daisy fell on your head.

Second Daughter:Mom, why did you name me rose?

Mom: becuase when you were born, a rose fell on your head.

Third daughter:A;SLIDJFO;AWILESFNO;I­LNJWSOFKLN

Mom: SHUT UP REFRIDGORATOR!

[kumeahsoi]

I'm not picking my nose, my finger and my nose are having sex

[SplashaKaboom]

R.I.P Dense water vapour

You'll always be mist.

[khaloudi615]

BECAUSE SHES DEAD!

[rogankiwifruit]

ugg.....

is true are really womemon are

oh..but FE is iron IRONMAN

[rogankiwifruit]

how many kids with add hey i have ADHD

thats not funny....but it takes one of us but it migit take 6 hours of breaking blubs

[rogankiwifruit]

and they say i talk fast...

[Elizabethgillies29]

Nerd

[68corvette08]

Boy: Wanna have sex?

Girl: My doctor said I can't have sex for 2 weeks.

Boy: What did your dentist say?

[seabass0795]

he told anti-jokes before they were cool

[TermsOfProduction]

My girlfriend called me a pedophile the other day.

But what does she know, she's only six.

[fvalen001]

@TermsOfProduction LMAO!!!

[8o8hawaiii]

Need an ark? I Noah guy.

[shadowsin242]

a man walks into a bar and says "ow"

2 men walked into a bar the 3rd one ducked

[Matoxhz]

I have a better punchline for 2:45!

"How many DragonBall Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?"

"OVER 9000!"

[tash2144]

@Matoxhz He used that in the previous video

[Matoxhz]

@tash2144 Oh, thanks.

[zombycow]

i guess its too late to get the CD... oops...

[SilvericeDan]

Put subs please, you speak too fast and is hard to understand when english is not your native tongue.

[spop2004]

Joe: How do you pop corn?

Dr. Dave: Put the bag in the microwave, and heat on 3 mins.

Joe (looking crazily at Dave): No. I'm talking about the corn on my toe.

[delaine10sparkle]

"my microphone"

[68corvette08]

Modern American Currency

One dollar bill: George Washington

Five dollar bill: Abraham Lincoln

Ten dollar bill: Alexander Hamilton

Twenty dollar bill: Andrew Jackson

Fifty dollar bill: Ulysses S. Grant

One hundred dollar bill: Benjamin Franklin

Food Stamps: Barack Obama

[CaesarBonaparte]

@68corvette08 That's a lame ass joke...

[68corvette08]

@CaesarBonaparte That's what she said. Oh, and my mom needs her kneepads back.

[CaesarBonaparte]

@68corvette08 I'm coming back over to your house tonight. I'll bring them then.

[68corvette08]

Last Christmas, I gave my mother-in-law a coffin. The next year, I didn't give her anything. She asked why and I said "you didn't use last year's present."

[assassian250]

1:48 - 2:45 your mic was showing in the top right cornor

[kingmushroom100]

How does Moses make his tea??????

Hebrews it......

[aaron9099]

@kingmushroom100 LOL, that is fantastic.

[SuperRhino97andChill]

i have two lesbian neighbors. they asked me what i wanted for christmas.i said "i wanna watch." on christmas day they gave me a rolex. then i said "you didnt understand me when i said i wanted to watch"

[ShiningMoon88]

Two cats are in an oven.

One says to the other, "You're dead."

The other doesn't reply.

[LynyrdRoses]

what do u call a gay dinosour

a mega-sour-ass

[Mahokoneko]

How come these jokes only become funny when you say them? xD lol

[stompingonspiders]

how did helen keller burn her hand? she was trying to read the waffle iron

[stompingonspiders]

i'm laughing so hard i'm crying...

[iLOVEcandy517]

its really 3:59min

[MegaSuperAwesome1214]

How many Alzehimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Who's there?

*facepalm*

[dakotah2448]

yo mama so stupid she made an opponent to see dr pepper

[MegaSuperAwesome1214]

@dakotah2448 You're so stupid you misspelled 'Appointment'.

[itsmejohne]

@dakotah2448 opponent or appointment?

[TheDqishere]

There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pregnancy checkups.

The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived?"

"He was on top", she replied.

"You will have a boy!" the doctor exclaimed.

The second woman was asked the same question.

"I was on top", was the reply.

"you will have a baby girl." said the doctor.

With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears. "Whats the matter?" asked the doc.

"Am I going to have puppies?"...

[Boxman1911]

What's helen kellers favorite color

Velcro.

[strawberryPANICS]

How do you discipline a blind child?

You move the furniture around :)

[TheRichybuk]

Crap

[a1337craft]

Tim: Hey, would you tell anyone if you went camping and woke up with your pants below your knees and butt sore?

Dylan: Umm, No!

Tim: Oh, Wanna go camping? (;

[cat21860]

A blonde walks into a bar, ow.

[xKillerQ8x]

Why I Haven't Go To The School So Early?!?!!?!

BECAUSE I HAVE LAG .. DUH.. XD

[DavidxC5194]

How do you play a cruel prank on Hellen Keller?

You stick a plunger in her toilet.

[xXxJokerManxXx]

Knock knock

who's there

AaaAaAaaAh

aaAaaAaaaAh who?

"Birthday sex. birthday sex. girl you know AaaAaAaaAh. girl you know AaaAaAaaAh."

[Milimini56]

How do u put a elephant in a fridge?

Open the door and stuff the elephant inside.

How do u put a giraffe in the fridge?

Open the door, take the elephant out and put the giraffe in.

All the animals in the world got together for a meeting, all but one animal showed up, which animal didn't show up?

The giraffe because he still in the frigde.

[lovelovegiraffe]

two silkworms were in a race. they ended up in a tie :D

[mushpop12345]

OK

WAT KIND OF BEE MAKES MILK

BOOBIES

[APJ831]

Girl: Finger my pussy. (Guy Fingers pussy) Girl: Put two fingers in. (Guy puts two fingers in) Girl: Put three fingers in. (Guy puts three fingers in) Girl: Put four fingers in. (Guy puts four fingers in) Girl: Put five fingers in. (Guy puts five fingers) Girl: Put your hand in. (Guy puts hand in) Girl: Now put your other hand in and clap. (Guy does so) Guy: now what? Girl: Don't you think I'm tight.

[hereverydayadventure]

what did helen keller call her dog? bmlakmamalamd

[HotDoggy123100]

its nerd the third

[68corvette08]

That awkward moment when a woman eats a hotdog and it smells weird.

[zeldafreak71]

oh wow the baby seal one...that's terrible. but there was no way i couldn't laugh.

[TheGinxclan]

U spend ur life learning jokes an I didn't laugh once

[TheHelkai]

@TheGinxclan i think i hate you.

[Tribalhedgehogs]

@TheHelkai thank you kind sir :)

[annathe3rd]

@TheGinxclan no, he doesn't. he spends his life decreasing world suck!

[itsmejohne]

@TheGinxclan you spend your life not understanding what close to 20,000 people liked, now that is funny

[cashermaster]

knock knock

whos there

owls

owls who

no shit

[musicmama888]

What's worse than a worm in an apple? Genocide! OMG I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING.

[MultiCool911]

snoop dogg uses "bleee-ach" to wash his whites?? haha good one!!!

[kickass2716]

Lame

[JaylaKanna]

I've loved the videos you and your brother post. Brothers2.0 really cracked me up. Keep being awesome.

[Will224000]

Cop pulls over a teenager...

"You been drinking, son ? Your eyes are bloodshot ?"

"No, but you been eating donuts ? Your eyes are glazed ?"

[Superman1HD]

here are a bunch of jokes:''whats a Mexicans favorite sport? CROSS COUNTRY!!

Whats a Mexicans favorite resteraunt?IHOP

Yo momma so dumb it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Yo momma so dumb that when she saw a yellow bus with white kids in it she said ''CATCH THAT TWINKIE''

Yo momma so dumb she watches the 3 stooges and takes notes.  BY THE WAY I'M NOT RACIST

[soccerhawk45]

hahaha last time i heard these jokes i fell off my dinosaur laughing

[sadie2233]

mbfkdanbojfjajdnbhogfjnbjofjdn­sbfnbkfsnbfnabfanfngfaianbgnbg­fsnhfsnb

[Carbon657]

I got caught trying to steal a calander from the local store, I got twelve months for it

[Dabomb1237]

I would make a joke about my penis, but it's just too long.

[mobiwebltd]

Million jokes in dozens of categories @ your iPhone & Android! What the video for a first idea: /watch?v=rVaMZcsSUDU ! and also find the appstore/market links :) Laugh with your friends and family any time of day!

/watch?v=rVaMZcsSUDU

[FlimzMW3]

I laughed so hard i couldn't click the like button so my mouse fell off...

[FallingSky7]

"You were so beautiful, until your 30 day trial of Photoshop ended "

[Gothgoddess512]

Boy: Lets play the firetruck game

Girl: How do you play?

Boy: I run my fingers up your leg and you say redlight when you want me to stop.

Girl: *Few seconds* Redlight!

Boy: Firetrucks don't stop for redlights ;)

[Hersoftestsoul]

@Gothgoddess512 Girl: *punches boy* 

[Gothgoddess512]

@Hersoftestsoul Yeah hopefully XD

[snasijasi]

you's are yuck

[TheDoplarEffect]

@Gothgoddess512 9gag :P

[snipa66]

@Gothgoddess512 Lol i am going to use that one

[grandchildofchaos]

Two muffins in an oven. One says to the other "is it hot in here?" The other says "oh no, not the muffin joke"

[JessicaValentine0214]

o.0

[stude444]

If ten percent of men are gay, and twenty percent of men are Chinese, then what are the chances that a man chosen at random spends his free time and his meal time on his knees?

[alwaleed17]

chuck norris can tell 7 jokes per second

[signifyingsomething]

first

[kinkyclerk]

i searched jokes and this was the first video :P

[kennyddeloach]

Two muffins were in an oven. One muffin turned to the other muffin and said, "Damn it's hot in here!!" The other muffin said, "Oh MY God, a talking muffin!!"

[kennyddeloach]

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and says, "Doesn't this taste a little funny?"

[Alitutu007]

Here's a good one

Why does the midget laugh when he runs?

"bcuz the grass tickels his balls"

[xLoveHasAName]

AHAHAHHAHHAHA this made my day :)

[ABThom12]

The dragonball z shit is true as Fu k

[biggdawg383838]

like this comment if you actually understood the lichen joke

[NikkiPhotos]

Why is your sex life like a Vlog Brother's video?

Because if it lasts more than four minutes, someone gets punished.

[zorbok70]

3:15 BECAUSE SHE'S A WOMAN!  :)

[SleekFurForever]

Wanna here a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it. :D

[300fatface]

Very poor and dated

[SublimeNightmare896]

@300fatface ... It IS 2 years old, you know.

[68corvette08]

My girlfriend hates me because of my sexual references. I mean, cum on!

[Yorpie]

How do you call a 'tor' that fucks little 'tors'?

A Tor-pedo

[Megalodon64]

A bussinessman is late for his job interview. He tries to find a parking spot but its completely full. So he starts praying and says,"God, If you give me a parking spot, I would quit smoking,I would stop drinking, I would stop cheating on my wife, and I would start going to church every single Sunday". Then all of the sudden, a free parking spot appears. He parks his vehicle and says, "God, don't worry I found one!!!!!!"

[sambear1100]

there were 3 boys they were called zip, willy and pee their teacher went out the room and she told them to stay where they were but zip went on top of the wardrobe willy went in the wardrobe and pee ran around the classroom then the teacher came back in and said zip down willy out pee in the corner

[mexvictor1]

@sambear1100 good one

[BeNiceToThem]

Hey I was going to tell a gay sex joke, butt fuck it.

[1nzcrook]

@BeNiceToThem ahahahaa

[BeNiceToThem]

@1nzcrook When i grow up im going to kill al the jews and one clown. Ask me what the clowns name is...

see, no one cares about the jews.

[3DSuperWaffle]

it actuly three minutes and fifty nine seconds but close enough

[ben2nd]

did you hear the joke about the toilet?? Never mind its too dirty

[Rockerman327]

Q. What do mini surfers surf on?

A. Micro-waves

[zizema16]

December?

[s76trombone]

@JoshGibbsx one british company put as one of their terms that you have to sell you soul to buy products from this company.  They now have 10,000 souls.

[Elphie021]

BECAUSE SHE'S DEAD! :D

[Ryuzaki40]

2:16 ... ... ... OH, I GET IT! HAHAHA!

[freakazoid6657]

at @2:42 he sounds like the dinosaur from toy story

[JamesStewartRider]

Q) WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLACK PILOT

A) A PILOT YOU RASIST BASTARD!!

[pbjellybeanful]

haha i love the youtuber one! so great.

[andreacecile]

Here's one,

Girl: wanna hear a joke?

Guy: yeah

Girl: pussy

Guy: I don't get it??

Girl: exactly...

[Apollys]

@andreacecile Hahaha

[xXxJokerManxXx]

@andreacecile and then he raped her. Now he gets it.

[maggiesjune]

3 men in a cellar. First guy throws a rock over a wall. Hears a boy crying. "Waa!" A rock hit my leg. I'll get help, said the guy. He runs away. Third guy throws a grenade over. Hears a little boy laughing. "Why are you laughing? I threw a grenade at you!" "I farted!" said the boy. "Then the house blew up!

[maggiesjune]

This is funny

[BustinJieber224]

Why did the toilet roll roll down the hill?

To get to the bottom.

[Paramoreinmysoul]

What is blacknwhiteblacknwhiteblacknwh­iteblacknwhiteblacknwhite..?

[2456sunny]

1:33 LOLOLOLOL xD

[SamuraiEntertainment]

How many college football players does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them, and they all get a semester's credit for it.

How many Florida State freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb? None, that's a sophomore course.

What do you call 100 blondes standing ear to ear? Wind tunnel.

Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate dinner before it was cool.

[JoshGibbsx]

What is the biggest lie in the world?

"I have read and agree to the terms of service."

[hippienerdz]

@JoshGibbsx i wonder if anybody acctullay does

[SuzanaCommaLee]

"Time flies like an arrow." Until your take one to the knee.

[cullenkellyy2000]

nex time make it clean i wont say that on youtube

[tacobox123]

3:59 is not 4 minutes ha

[teensouldier]

like if you counted the jokes.....

[SOSspecialdlover]

@Lovinspoonsandtogas

[SOSspecialdlover]

wanna here a joke.SOPA

[TheZombieGrunt]

What's the smartest thing to come out of a woman's mouth?

Einstein's cock.