Don't give a rats if there is Hell and Heaven and if I don't believe il burn for eternity. What matters is what YOU do now! Help out society, children teach people to forgive and be kind. Don't care for Churches, they have soul-touching choir singers (the kids) and great architecture but that's all. No one in here, on Youtube or in this current present knows what happen 2000 years ago, who and what Jesus was.
I BELIEVE he was a philosopher, teaching people to be better. Religion is MAN MADE!
The simple fact that all religions must inculcate the young with it's doctrine, principle, or ideology is clear evidence that this very dogma cannot be taken on its own merits. It is therefore a false belief. If the theists tenets were true, children would not require indoctrination. They would discover said truth the same way they discover reality for themselves. Human interaction and investigation of our world. No brainwashing required.
It's all actually very simple, It's just been perverted and misunderstood for various reason's by the human mind. Just Google 'Truth Contest'. Think of it as the nature of nature.
JESUS CHRIST, HIS CATHOLIC-UNIVERSAL-APOSTOLIC CHURCH, SACRAMENTS, THE BIBLE, MIRACLES, HEALINGS, ST. MARY APPARITIONS, MESSAGES FROM HEAVEN, SIGNS IN 2011 ARE NOT A MYTHOLOGY BUT THE REALITY !!!
Atheism merely requires a modest level of intellect and cognitive skill; as apposed to being a Theist, which only requires having an anus to stick ones head into. This correlation explains the overwhelming number of Theist.
@killyoubitch27 nope,estimates show that there could be about 50 billion planets in our galaxy and only about 500 million could be habitable however that is in my opinion an exaggeration because that is made on the idea that everywhere in the galaxy there are the same conditions,there are probably about 5 billion planets in the galaxy and 500 million habitable,i said "lol" not because the number was too high but because it was too low...you smart-ass
@WhiVe87 Three are 400 billion stars (top estimate) or 200 billion if you are conservative, in the milky way?
The average for a star...(planets that is...) is about 5 (so far) which means there are about a trillion planets (give or take a billion) in the milky way, one of several hundred billion galaxies. Ours is a small galaxy.
There are about 2x10 ^17 planets in the universe, more than their are grains of sand on every beech in the world.
You might have been a bit on the low side yourself.
@MumblingMickey hm really? i remember reading somewhere that half the stars have planets and 1 star out of 200 has at least one planet..i didn't know the average is 5,i guess that's great lol
You might have read something about Drakes equation and early estimates...
Keplar sees a wobble in most stars, ergo most stars are sharing a common gravitational center with thing in orbit around them large enough to make that wobble detectable.
They are a lot more common than was thought in the 1970's.... for some reason astronomers seem to err on the side of caution way too much.
I'm sure we'll be able to create a bell curve soon. But its lots more than you thought.
@stretch654 Is that right? I don't think that being excommuinicated from the RCC would have particularly bothered Dave. He was not a religious chap at all, and he certainly had no respect for the The Roman Catholic Church.
@stretch654 Funny the way they excommunicate a comedian.... but seem to be dragging their heels a bit when it comes to Adolf Hitler.... maybe Hitller was funnier? Maybe they Just confused Hitler with Charlie Chaplin? who knows?
Then again getting told you are no longer part of a fraternity where the leaders wear frocks, bugger kids and run about claiming threes an invisible monster running the universe is not really a club anyone should get involved with in the first place.
@MumblingMickey I think Charlie Chaplin made fun of Hitler in a film called "The Little Dictator" didn't he? He wasn't brave enough to make fun of the Pope (too many Catholics in America :) )
@stretch654 - Why is it that fuckards always come up with these sorts of comments. People make fun of a character and then instantly others chime in with another character and reasons why they are "not brave enough". As if taking the piss out of Hitler wasn't enough. Why is it fucktards want spectacles of bravery, even in their fucking comedy?
@stretch654 He dd...very funny man, at a time when most Americans supported Hitler too! In fact only two years earlier year (1938) Time magazine made Adolf Hitler their 'Man of the Year'
Joseph Stalin (of all people) was times man of the year in 1939! lol....
So Chaplin made that movie at a time when anti-jewish sentiment was rife in the US and most Americans didn't know he was either Jewish or British!
@stretch654 The movie is The 'Great' Dictator btw...... It was considered quite high brow and philosophical at the time... most people taught that it was totally fictional... including to a certain degree Chaplin himself...
He might not have made it if he had known that the Germans were not just persecuting the jews but corralling people into concentration camps. I'm not sure how aware he was of that.
@MumblingMickey Ah yes, the 'Great' Dictator - I must see it one day. I think all comedians are pretty big risk takers. The moment they walk out on stage (or film) they run the risk of offending someone - usually politicians or fundamentalists of various kinds. Journalists and writers have the same problem. Mel Brooks said, at an interview I saw, that nothing should be excluded from comedy - no matter how 'sacred'.
Mankind invented god to explain away all the things he didn't understand. Now we're gradually finding the real answers out for ourselves, but some people are still clinging to the mythology - why? It's like insisting there's a Santa Claus!
@AyathTheLoafer if I had a penny for every time I've had that sort of response to my initial statement, I'd be getting begging letters from Bill Gates!
@LABCall Well belief, in all its forms is a default setting for humans.
Its an evolutionary throwback to a day when it was a lot wiser to assume 'everything' was potentially a predator, even if there were no predators, than get that the other way around and die from being lunch!
All the early hominids that assumed a rustle in the bush was just the wind were weeded out of the gene pool.
All animals have this 'zone' of sensitivity to potential threats. Humans just adopted it into beliefs.
@MumblingMickey I see what you're getting at, but I think you're mixing up "belief" with "instinct". Running like hell from a rustling bush in case there's a predator behind it is an instinct, religion is a belief, and the two are not the same thing. Religion was created as a means of explaining away the unknown - and also as an antidote to man's fear of his own mortality.
The problems arise specifically with humans because we create stories about the bush, and pass them on in writing... the standard response to a 'rustle in a bush'...is to run like fuck, or investigate the bush...
Religious people haven't worked out yet that these days a 'rustle in a bush' (unproven story) really is just the wind. Or perhaps a mugger with a knife?
Isn't it real weird the way people defend these monsters even after they lose all moral pretense and do things so horrendous (over many centuries)... and then even try to cover it up whilst people are watching them try to cover it up!
An their official excuse is ...wait for it ....'they didn't know it psychologically affected kids too much'... fucking hell?!?! what sort of buffoon swallows that shit?
If that was any other organisation it would be banned outright immediately.
jezuz! religion is all the same bullshit just in diffrent versions from different people around the world, people just say there's someone or something or whatever out there that created everything, and people believe in whatever they beleive in because they don't really know why we're here or or how we got here or what the point of anything is, idk the answers either but you don't need to wast your time worshiping whatever or giving money to churches cuz it doesn't do anything, or help you.
RIP Dave you was one in a million May your god go with you as you would say.I upset a friend last week. She asked me if I found God I said no and that I dident know he was lost.
These deluded Christian imbeciles actually believe it is morally acceptable to lie to children by telling them believing in nonsense is divine truth but only for the Jesus, and Yahweh fairytale and not any other. All other gods are myths but theirs. Christians and the Islamic are parasitic to everyone around them and should be openly ridiculed and exposed for the death cultists they are.
If my wife is religious and asks how to handle religion in raising the child. I say he won't go to a place where one myth is seen as more real then another.
Discussing religion is fine, discussing religion and pretending one myth is more true then another is disgusting.
@scotttebben ITs quite funny really... in religion the 'less' information there is and the 'less' evidence there is of something makes you 'more' respected for accepting it as valid... In fact you even get bonus readability if you accept its valid in the face of evidence to the contrary...
But if you were to transpose that methodology onto any other part of your life you'd be dead within 24 hours...
@MumblingMickey Science unlike religion has no agenda. It finds only truth. Science isn't emotionally attached to the will of idiots. There is no faith in trusting the laws of science. It's a matter of experience and it's called an inference, not faith. Inference is nothing like following the mythologies of faith based documents and ancient pantheons. The tenets of religion are solely based on faith as there is no empirical data to support them.
The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...
@MountAnalogue I don't understand. Do you mean you think there is something more after we die, or you don't subscribe to the idea of the man made "God" figure?
What about the Egyptian Gods? You know, the ones that were part bird part human? Oh wait, that wasn't in the bible so they didn't exist? What about Zeus? Apollo? Shiva? Allah? lol, please come up with a LOGICAL counter-argument religious fanatics =D
@osgangstarrr "I contend we are both atheists, I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." ...Stephen F Roberts
Atheism merely requires a modest level of intellect and cognitive skill; as apposed to being a Theist, which only requires having an anus to stick ones head into. This correlation explains the overwhelming number of Theist.
"cant have some thing out of nothing" I think Richard Feynman would not only disagree with you there...but go on to demonstrate how what you said was contrary to observation...and prediction...
As it turns out you can indeed have something from nothing, We call that phenomena quantum mechanics.
And as another user mentioned even if it were accurate (and its not) you'd have to apply that rule to everything. I'll assume you'd have a big problem doing that...
History besides religious books are the only thing that can be rewritten scientist are people who help shape and explain our world. Theories are just an imagination running wild, God is a force with no beginning or end and a force to be reckoned with
so what if god isnt a man, but a from of energy or another type of force. what if there IS science to prove god exist but its almost impossible to achive. like u cant see air. u cant see love. like god is like good, love, hapiness. and the devil is evil like making negitive energry toward the people who puts us in debt and sorrow.(the goverment, hitler, people who can people mad or sad). thats how i see life...... and i dont belive religion,bcuz history is written by the winners
@PokerPlum Of course we don't believe the 419 Nigerian scams. They are scams. You don't need a church, synagogue, temple or mosque to practice your faith. You don't need to pay a preacher to believe Truth. Truth is presented before our eyes, and we can accept it or reject it. Two things are necessary for walking in faith: love of the Almighty; compassion for our fellow human beings, especially through helping the poor such as the widow and the orphan.
@Eliyahu775 and what of people who have not been presented with the 'Truth'? you must admit more people on this planet are convinced that you were presented with a scam. you see, most people in this world believe Allah is the one and only 'Truth'. so, *all religion adds to the existing confusion - they raise more questions than they answer*. that, my friend, is absolute truth, and you know it too. just search your SANITY.
Where would God be, if it wasn't for the creation of humanity only to worship thy? It's God that needs us(humanity) to proof his existence of worship. It's God that needs US, more then WE need God. *enough said*
@aimthaxlau dude god does love u, he gave u his son for your sins as a gift, his own son, when u show ingratitude, then yeah he shows you how mad he is, I mean religion isn't bad, the people make it bad, it shouldnt be strict, but I think if the world were to break the barrier of races and religions, it would be a better place
@italy0225 First off, I don't think God or any other gods exist. Why did God make some of his children be destined to practice a different religion? Why would he intentionally have some of his children destined to go to hell? If he does exist, he's a dick and how you worship him disgusts me. And what did Jesus sacrifice? A few days of physical torture and then he goes up to heaven? I'm sorry but that's not a genuine sacrifice.
Thats sad that people make Jesus story as a joke ... people i just wanna let you know that Jesus is real and he loves you ... If you don't believe just ask him and he will show you the truth ... Those who seek him will find him and he will be there God.
"Theology: The field of study and analysis of make believe; for the purpose of spinning reality to conform to the human imagination so the control of others can be achieved".
@diddealmqvist "Wow. You're actually correcting my english instead of answering?"
Where did I correct your English? Do the quotations confuse you? I never changed any of your grammar mistakes in the quotes; I left your mistakes intact.
Example - "And atheism. Are you kidding me? That someone doesn't believe anything doesn't meen anything!" That is a direct unedited quote from you.
@PokerPlum I do not believe something because I read it in a book. I believe it is true because the Holy Ghost testifies of the truth of it to my mind, heart and soul. I live by faith, that is I believe that God will answer my prayers, I do not live by the laws of, or lack of, the laws of chance. We are here to work for that which we receive by our own industry, and not to waste our time and money gambling for it.
Regarding religion: I'm going to make a video in response to this subject, asking my ignorant friend Andy questions about Genesis (Episode 89). Look out for it on 12th Sep 2011
Being heretical is this initial sign that one is lucid of mind. Faith is the refusal to be lucid of mind. It is the desire of the faithful to feed their delusion and defend it from reason.
Wonderful. I didn't know who Dave Allen was until last night. I was watching a documentary about him and I made it a point to remember his name and look at YouTube videos. (I grew up in the US>)
I don't believe in god because I think god was created to give people an reason for the creation of the universe because some people can't stand not knowing as it is in human nature to be scared of the unknown and even if there was a god who said he had to be nice that part likely comes from people being scared of something being stronger or more powerful them themselves
this is so funny but true......sadly we were brought up that way....... now we are thorn apart as a nation who trusted this church.... what now? what religion do my children and grandchildren turn to?
Religion is like having a penis, its fine to be proud of it, but its indecent to whip it out and smack people around with it.... also please dont shove it down childrens' throats.. thank you
Talking to a christian is like talking to a fish. There is nothing there but glassy eyes. They open there mouth and down the rabbit hole we go. Delusion has griped it's claws to deep for reason to release them. They want to be Wonderland.
The USA and much of the third world are the only places left on earth that still have a major Christian majority. This is not only unhartning but it is quite telling to the high level of superstition and it's correlation to poor education. To be fair, statistically the better a government is run the less religious the society is.
@c00per69 The proper word is had. As in past tense. I suggest you do some searches for statistical information. Find the newest demographics of Atheism and Non-Believers along with non religious in the world for a start. With information so easily available, being ignorant today is by choice my dimwitted friend.
The last time I checked all the words we use are made up from the same 26 letters of the alphabet. Language is a form of expression. I think people should be offended by abuse in the church, not by words. Brilliant comedy from Dave Allen as always, a unique observer of life and its strange quirks, never been bettered and much missed.
Religion is a cult which poisons minds! It advocates immorality and irresponsibility!! It condones voluntary willful ignorance and sycophantic flattery without questioning these bizarre ideals! There has never been any truth to religion. It's all about being a sycophant to an idea! Unlike religion, I want to live the best life I can with decent morals so that I can get along with people. Religion likes partitioning people off into groups which is retarded in my opinion.
People with the strength of character to survive their treatment in religious institutions often use it as material for comedy or a book they write, a film they produce etc. but we should spare a thought for those whose lives and psychological wellbeing have been irreparably damaged by the disgraceful conduct of nuns and priests in whose care they were placed. Dave Allen and Billy Connolly are very funny, but the topic that they bring out into the light is very serious. Shame on religion!
if i die i go to hell because i dont believe in god .... lol
and in hell i will be tortured and feel pain for eternity
but uhm here is a question how can i feel pain when my body is in the ground you know, my body which has a nervous system? or do i get my body back when i am in hell?
It's beyond me how a perfectly healthy human mind can wake up in the morning, believing in something so irrational that it contradicts every apparent aspects of our universe.
Too funny! How stupid religion is...
epicdeed 7 hours ago
Funny man, used to watch him on TV years ago!
leaba 1 day ago
Religion is fake, but Jesus is real and you cannot KNOW HIM through the bible.
Bible worshipers quench the Spirit of Christ and claim the bible so they can do what they want instead of being led of Jesus through the Holy Spirit.
BIBLEisMARKofBEAST 1 day ago
i can't believe how stupid religious people are. i really can't.
tale4e5 1 day ago
Dave Allen was truly one of the best stand up comedians ever.
Thirst4Facts 3 days ago
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gsom7 1 week ago
Brilliant
frogmancrack 1 week ago
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Don't give a rats if there is Hell and Heaven and if I don't believe il burn for eternity. What matters is what YOU do now! Help out society, children teach people to forgive and be kind. Don't care for Churches, they have soul-touching choir singers (the kids) and great architecture but that's all. No one in here, on Youtube or in this current present knows what happen 2000 years ago, who and what Jesus was.
I BELIEVE he was a philosopher, teaching people to be better. Religion is MAN MADE!
TheNotoriousJesus 1 week ago
The simple fact that all religions must inculcate the young with it's doctrine, principle, or ideology is clear evidence that this very dogma cannot be taken on its own merits. It is therefore a false belief. If the theists tenets were true, children would not require indoctrination. They would discover said truth the same way they discover reality for themselves. Human interaction and investigation of our world. No brainwashing required.
scotttebben 1 week ago
Was the nun 500 years old or 600?
RadarKat73080 2 weeks ago
@RadarKat73080 neither, she is both :P
Sweddude 2 weeks ago
@Sweddude Of course nuns know everything about Jesus, they knew him personally!
RadarKat73080 2 weeks ago
@RadarKat73080 That answer made about as much sense as the one i gave :P
Sweddude 2 weeks ago
quite right...!!!
vainwolf78 2 weeks ago
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All religions are cults:
Mohammed cult
Moses cult
Krishna cult
Pope cult
Buddha cult
Jesus cult
karezza6 3 weeks ago
i remember
meonlyuk 3 weeks ago
65 dislikes ,,,What the ???????????????????????
panzermann007 3 weeks ago
I to this day cannot fathom why grown adults believe in this absolute nonsense. Time to grow up christ tards.
SkullVodka 3 weeks ago 11
Religion is total fucking bullshit.
MilibandDavid 3 weeks ago 5
It's all actually very simple, It's just been perverted and misunderstood for various reason's by the human mind. Just Google 'Truth Contest'. Think of it as the nature of nature.
BSisStinky 3 weeks ago
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HopeYouReadQuran 3 weeks ago
"As seen on: Jehovah's Witness discussion forum"
Wat
sockschappercat 3 weeks ago
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JESUS CHRIST, HIS CATHOLIC-UNIVERSAL-APOSTOLIC CHURCH, SACRAMENTS, THE BIBLE, MIRACLES, HEALINGS, ST. MARY APPARITIONS, MESSAGES FROM HEAVEN, SIGNS IN 2011 ARE NOT A MYTHOLOGY BUT THE REALITY !!!
GET READY FOR THE GREAT WARNING NOW!!!
thewarningsecondcoming . com
JezusSlave 3 weeks ago
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Atheists & Agnostic burn in hell forever !!!!
fuckmania07 4 weeks ago
Religion: When the first mentally handicapped person got their book published.
:D
LiveTheWild 4 weeks ago
I've watched this clip a handful of times and its excellence brings tears to eyes. This is a brilliant piece of truthful comedy.
Brilliant!!!
davehorne 1 month ago
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I use to make arrow to the knee jokes, but then I took a vagina to my penis.
Demoliz5 1 month ago
3:08 with transcribed audio: "paid all older one eight that's not what happened if you do not love BOB"
ChemiiRadio 1 month ago
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64 People are Smart...
Just Kidding Their All Fucking Idiots; Racist, Hippocrates of the World.
I Really Hope They Die, No Joke, Religion Dehumanizes & Separates People.
KKK, Crusades, Knights of Templar, 1600's In Europe... The List Goes On.
Religion Sickens Me
ssohood2011 1 month ago
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Atheists burn in hell forever !!!!
fuckmania07 1 month ago
Atheism merely requires a modest level of intellect and cognitive skill; as apposed to being a Theist, which only requires having an anus to stick ones head into. This correlation explains the overwhelming number of Theist.
scotttebben 1 month ago
mary cheated on joseph!
Clyde200k 1 month ago
The only bloke that could make cry and I'm happy for it.
kanakaken 1 month ago
into the hole he goes, Legend Dave, Legend
MrCrazybags 1 month ago
its about indoctrination of children!!
starts at early age when the brains are open for that shit like santa easterbunny and all that bull!!
wildtatz 1 month ago 16
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killyoubitch27 1 month ago
@killyoubitch27 60 million earth-like planets? lol
WhiVe87 1 month ago
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killyoubitch27 1 month ago
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killyoubitch27 1 month ago
@killyoubitch27 nope,estimates show that there could be about 50 billion planets in our galaxy and only about 500 million could be habitable however that is in my opinion an exaggeration because that is made on the idea that everywhere in the galaxy there are the same conditions,there are probably about 5 billion planets in the galaxy and 500 million habitable,i said "lol" not because the number was too high but because it was too low...you smart-ass
WhiVe87 1 month ago
@WhiVe87 Three are 400 billion stars (top estimate) or 200 billion if you are conservative, in the milky way?
The average for a star...(planets that is...) is about 5 (so far) which means there are about a trillion planets (give or take a billion) in the milky way, one of several hundred billion galaxies. Ours is a small galaxy.
There are about 2x10 ^17 planets in the universe, more than their are grains of sand on every beech in the world.
You might have been a bit on the low side yourself.
MumblingMickey 1 month ago
@MumblingMickey hm really? i remember reading somewhere that half the stars have planets and 1 star out of 200 has at least one planet..i didn't know the average is 5,i guess that's great lol
WhiVe87 1 month ago
@WhiVe87
You might have read something about Drakes equation and early estimates...
Keplar sees a wobble in most stars, ergo most stars are sharing a common gravitational center with thing in orbit around them large enough to make that wobble detectable.
They are a lot more common than was thought in the 1970's.... for some reason astronomers seem to err on the side of caution way too much.
I'm sure we'll be able to create a bell curve soon. But its lots more than you thought.
MumblingMickey 1 day ago
@killyoubitch27 sorry,the second time i meant 100 mil not 500 mil....my bad
WhiVe87 1 month ago
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tampabayismyhome 1 month ago
@tampabayismyhome there are only 8 planets in our solar system not 100 billion and i don't think the earth was made 3.000 years ago lol
WhiVe87 1 month ago
@WhiVe87 sorry.
killyoubitch27 1 month ago
Even Jesus would love this.
SirGrowalott 1 month ago
listen to him farting at 1:50
TirEoghainTim 2 months ago
Brilliant stuff dissing the dogma through the still logical eyes of a 4 year old!!
finwerkz 2 months ago
5:16, now I have a completely different, and more logical, interpretation of 'Holy Ghost'.
11strelokfan1000 2 months ago
Dave Allen was one of the first comedians who dared to make fun of the Catholic Church. I think he was eventually excommunicated.
stretch654 2 months ago
@stretch654 Is that right? I don't think that being excommuinicated from the RCC would have particularly bothered Dave. He was not a religious chap at all, and he certainly had no respect for the The Roman Catholic Church.
TheEctomorph 1 month ago
@stretch654 Funny the way they excommunicate a comedian.... but seem to be dragging their heels a bit when it comes to Adolf Hitler.... maybe Hitller was funnier? Maybe they Just confused Hitler with Charlie Chaplin? who knows?
Then again getting told you are no longer part of a fraternity where the leaders wear frocks, bugger kids and run about claiming threes an invisible monster running the universe is not really a club anyone should get involved with in the first place.
MumblingMickey 1 month ago
@MumblingMickey I think Charlie Chaplin made fun of Hitler in a film called "The Little Dictator" didn't he? He wasn't brave enough to make fun of the Pope (too many Catholics in America :) )
stretch654 1 month ago
@stretch654 - Why is it that fuckards always come up with these sorts of comments. People make fun of a character and then instantly others chime in with another character and reasons why they are "not brave enough". As if taking the piss out of Hitler wasn't enough. Why is it fucktards want spectacles of bravery, even in their fucking comedy?
iLIKEtotallyL0VEit 1 month ago
@stretch654 He dd...very funny man, at a time when most Americans supported Hitler too! In fact only two years earlier year (1938) Time magazine made Adolf Hitler their 'Man of the Year'
Joseph Stalin (of all people) was times man of the year in 1939! lol....
So Chaplin made that movie at a time when anti-jewish sentiment was rife in the US and most Americans didn't know he was either Jewish or British!
MumblingMickey 1 day ago
@stretch654 The movie is The 'Great' Dictator btw...... It was considered quite high brow and philosophical at the time... most people taught that it was totally fictional... including to a certain degree Chaplin himself...
He might not have made it if he had known that the Germans were not just persecuting the jews but corralling people into concentration camps. I'm not sure how aware he was of that.
MumblingMickey 1 day ago
@MumblingMickey Ah yes, the 'Great' Dictator - I must see it one day. I think all comedians are pretty big risk takers. The moment they walk out on stage (or film) they run the risk of offending someone - usually politicians or fundamentalists of various kinds. Journalists and writers have the same problem. Mel Brooks said, at an interview I saw, that nothing should be excluded from comedy - no matter how 'sacred'.
stretch654 1 day ago
Mankind invented god to explain away all the things he didn't understand. Now we're gradually finding the real answers out for ourselves, but some people are still clinging to the mythology - why? It's like insisting there's a Santa Claus!
LABCall 2 months ago
@LABCall
What do you mean? "It's like insisting there's a Santa Claus!"
There isn't? You bastard!
AyathTheLoafer 2 months ago
@AyathTheLoafer if I had a penny for every time I've had that sort of response to my initial statement, I'd be getting begging letters from Bill Gates!
LABCall 1 month ago
@LABCall
That should teach you not to spread such vicious rumous.
AyathTheLoafer 1 month ago
@LABCall Well belief, in all its forms is a default setting for humans.
Its an evolutionary throwback to a day when it was a lot wiser to assume 'everything' was potentially a predator, even if there were no predators, than get that the other way around and die from being lunch!
All the early hominids that assumed a rustle in the bush was just the wind were weeded out of the gene pool.
All animals have this 'zone' of sensitivity to potential threats. Humans just adopted it into beliefs.
MumblingMickey 1 day ago
@MumblingMickey I see what you're getting at, but I think you're mixing up "belief" with "instinct". Running like hell from a rustling bush in case there's a predator behind it is an instinct, religion is a belief, and the two are not the same thing. Religion was created as a means of explaining away the unknown - and also as an antidote to man's fear of his own mortality.
LABCall 1 day ago
@LABCall
The problems arise specifically with humans because we create stories about the bush, and pass them on in writing... the standard response to a 'rustle in a bush'...is to run like fuck, or investigate the bush...
Religious people haven't worked out yet that these days a 'rustle in a bush' (unproven story) really is just the wind. Or perhaps a mugger with a knife?
MumblingMickey 1 day ago
This is as great as comedy can get.
KITCHENOFDISTINCTION 2 months ago
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Religion is like the male nipple: it has survived years of human evolution despite having no useful purpose.
LiveeToDiee 2 months ago 4
Too bad these days many children's introduction to religion starts with a priest's thumb up their butt.
Shadowlit001 2 months ago
@Shadowlit001 at least, we all hope it's just the thumb . . .
LABCall 2 months ago
@Shadowlit001
Isn't it real weird the way people defend these monsters even after they lose all moral pretense and do things so horrendous (over many centuries)... and then even try to cover it up whilst people are watching them try to cover it up!
An their official excuse is ...wait for it ....'they didn't know it psychologically affected kids too much'... fucking hell?!?! what sort of buffoon swallows that shit?
If that was any other organisation it would be banned outright immediately.
MumblingMickey 1 day ago
jezuz! religion is all the same bullshit just in diffrent versions from different people around the world, people just say there's someone or something or whatever out there that created everything, and people believe in whatever they beleive in because they don't really know why we're here or or how we got here or what the point of anything is, idk the answers either but you don't need to wast your time worshiping whatever or giving money to churches cuz it doesn't do anything, or help you.
LaZiSmurF 2 months ago
LOL
SkogFe 2 months ago
Superb.
gdwscott 2 months ago
4:32 just proves what Religion is. "Shut up" and listen/follow everything we say and never question it.
gunjydna93 2 months ago
RIP Dave you was one in a million May your god go with you as you would say.I upset a friend last week. She asked me if I found God I said no and that I dident know he was lost.
TheOldirishladdie 3 months ago
2:42- 2:48 GOD LOVES YOU *think*, AND HE WANTS YOUR LOVE *think*. I think he is trying to tell you something *THINK*.
randogg1133 3 months ago
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Alone And Asleep - Oh Sam Bin Laden; controversial new publication.
garyw930 3 months ago
These deluded Christian imbeciles actually believe it is morally acceptable to lie to children by telling them believing in nonsense is divine truth but only for the Jesus, and Yahweh fairytale and not any other. All other gods are myths but theirs. Christians and the Islamic are parasitic to everyone around them and should be openly ridiculed and exposed for the death cultists they are.
scotttebben 3 months ago 2
@scotttebben
If my wife is religious and asks how to handle religion in raising the child. I say he won't go to a place where one myth is seen as more real then another.
Discussing religion is fine, discussing religion and pretending one myth is more true then another is disgusting.
Londron 2 months ago
@scotttebben ITs quite funny really... in religion the 'less' information there is and the 'less' evidence there is of something makes you 'more' respected for accepting it as valid... In fact you even get bonus readability if you accept its valid in the face of evidence to the contrary...
But if you were to transpose that methodology onto any other part of your life you'd be dead within 24 hours...
MumblingMickey 1 month ago
That was supposed to be 'credibility' not readability'... spell checker got to it before I did...
MumblingMickey 1 month ago
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@MumblingMickey Science unlike religion has no agenda. It finds only truth. Science isn't emotionally attached to the will of idiots. There is no faith in trusting the laws of science. It's a matter of experience and it's called an inference, not faith. Inference is nothing like following the mythologies of faith based documents and ancient pantheons. The tenets of religion are solely based on faith as there is no empirical data to support them.
scotttebben 1 month ago
In the name of the father, the son and into the whole he goes... Hilarious!!!
ssvoogel 3 months ago
@ssvoogel "into the HOLE he goes"
chepenudo 3 months ago
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Christianity :
~~~~~~~~~~
The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...
AussieTheOztralian 3 months ago
I'm religious
But I don't believe in God
MountAnalogue 3 months ago 2
@MountAnalogue lol, like an alcoholic that never had a drink
eat666shit 3 months ago
@MountAnalogue I don't understand. Do you mean you think there is something more after we die, or you don't subscribe to the idea of the man made "God" figure?
Solarfactor 3 months ago
@MountAnalogue then how do you call your self religous that would be spirtual
kylebohnet 3 months ago
@kylebohnet
Names are just the surface of things.
MountAnalogue 3 months ago
"And into the hole he goes", that made lol so fucking hard! XD
psychomaniac76584 3 months ago 2
He was so spot on and so frigging right.
KelticWoman1 3 months ago
LIFE of drian, soz.brian.
geoffwhite100 3 months ago in playlist geoffwhite100's favorites
What about the Egyptian Gods? You know, the ones that were part bird part human? Oh wait, that wasn't in the bible so they didn't exist? What about Zeus? Apollo? Shiva? Allah? lol, please come up with a LOGICAL counter-argument religious fanatics =D
osgangstarrr 3 months ago 2
@osgangstarrr "I contend we are both atheists, I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." ...Stephen F Roberts
WR4157 3 months ago
This skit does a great job capturing how truly absurd Christian theology is (at least, most versions of Christian theology).
dookdawg214 3 months ago
Funniest thing is that it's just a description of Christianity really.
You know religion is a farce when it can be used as comedic material with no modification.
Naoumish 3 months ago 96
@Naoumish
It's like when Tina Fey imitated Sarah Palin, but actually stuck to her words almost verbatim.
dookdawg214 3 months ago
@Naoumish
True, it's almost cheating as a comedian, you just have to say it the way it is and everyone is laughing :p.
Londron 2 months ago
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Atheism merely requires a modest level of intellect and cognitive skill; as apposed to being a Theist, which only requires having an anus to stick ones head into. This correlation explains the overwhelming number of Theist.
scotttebben 3 months ago
chicken or the egg !!!!
cant have some thing out of nothing
geoffwhite100 3 months ago
@geoffwhite100 That applies to the god question too...can't have a god out of nothing, so where would "he" have come from?
brianlover926 3 months ago
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@geoffwhite100
"cant have some thing out of nothing" I think Richard Feynman would not only disagree with you there...but go on to demonstrate how what you said was contrary to observation...and prediction...
As it turns out you can indeed have something from nothing, We call that phenomena quantum mechanics.
And as another user mentioned even if it were accurate (and its not) you'd have to apply that rule to everything. I'll assume you'd have a big problem doing that...
MumblingMickey 1 month ago
History besides religious books are the only thing that can be rewritten scientist are people who help shape and explain our world. Theories are just an imagination running wild, God is a force with no beginning or end and a force to be reckoned with
AmericanEmpires3000 3 months ago
@AmericanEmpires3000 Gobble gobble gobble
maxergud 3 months ago
Excellent sketch.
Munnchbunnch 3 months ago
"Mary was married to Joseph" The pause after that line cracks me up. Sometimes it's what you don't say that matters.
BSEmadcow 4 months ago
so what if god isnt a man, but a from of energy or another type of force. what if there IS science to prove god exist but its almost impossible to achive. like u cant see air. u cant see love. like god is like good, love, hapiness. and the devil is evil like making negitive energry toward the people who puts us in debt and sorrow.(the goverment, hitler, people who can people mad or sad). thats how i see life...... and i dont belive religion,bcuz history is written by the winners
420conejo420 4 months ago
@420conejo420 what if not...
georgeassaf 4 months ago
@georgeassaf exatcly
420conejo420 4 months ago
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You know that saying "We only use 10% of our brains".?
The person who made that up was describing the religious.
LiveTheWild 4 months ago
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LiveTheWild 4 months ago
@PokerPlum Of course we don't believe the 419 Nigerian scams. They are scams. You don't need a church, synagogue, temple or mosque to practice your faith. You don't need to pay a preacher to believe Truth. Truth is presented before our eyes, and we can accept it or reject it. Two things are necessary for walking in faith: love of the Almighty; compassion for our fellow human beings, especially through helping the poor such as the widow and the orphan.
Eliyahu775 4 months ago
@Eliyahu775 and what of people who have not been presented with the 'Truth'? you must admit more people on this planet are convinced that you were presented with a scam. you see, most people in this world believe Allah is the one and only 'Truth'. so, *all religion adds to the existing confusion - they raise more questions than they answer*. that, my friend, is absolute truth, and you know it too. just search your SANITY.
sinprelic 4 months ago
Well, there is a reason those scams are so effective...
1RadicalOne 4 months ago
Too funny! It just proves that it takes the logic of a child to disprove all the fantasy of religion.
mtnbiker1974 4 months ago 56
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Where would God be, if it wasn't for the creation of humanity only to worship thy? It's God that needs us(humanity) to proof his existence of worship. It's God that needs US, more then WE need God. *enough said*
TheRegimelife 4 months ago
@aimthaxlau dude god does love u, he gave u his son for your sins as a gift, his own son, when u show ingratitude, then yeah he shows you how mad he is, I mean religion isn't bad, the people make it bad, it shouldnt be strict, but I think if the world were to break the barrier of races and religions, it would be a better place
italy0225 4 months ago
@italy0225 First off, I don't think God or any other gods exist. Why did God make some of his children be destined to practice a different religion? Why would he intentionally have some of his children destined to go to hell? If he does exist, he's a dick and how you worship him disgusts me. And what did Jesus sacrifice? A few days of physical torture and then he goes up to heaven? I'm sorry but that's not a genuine sacrifice.
StrifeBlood 4 months ago
Mary was married to Joseph! ........ SHUT UP!!
MarshallPhillipNS 4 months ago
@estebanlupo Hahaha and did some magic tricks....
sam8110 4 months ago
@PokerPlum Haha well said.
sam8110 4 months ago
Thats sad that people make Jesus story as a joke ... people i just wanna let you know that Jesus is real and he loves you ... If you don't believe just ask him and he will show you the truth ... Those who seek him will find him and he will be there God.
nick2015777 4 months ago
@nick2015777 If 'He' loves us so much then why would 'He' burn us in hell?
Thought so ..
aimthailaxu 4 months ago
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@nick2015777 If 'He' loves us so much then why would 'He' burn us in hell?
Thought so ..
aimthailaxu 4 months ago
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If one person has an imaginary friend, they're crazy.
If many people have an imaginary friend, it's Religion?
AnarchyDeathHate666 4 months ago
1:01 is pure comedy gold!
myroseaccount 4 months ago
"Theology: The field of study and analysis of make believe; for the purpose of spinning reality to conform to the human imagination so the control of others can be achieved".
-Scott Tebben
scotttebben 4 months ago 5
@PokerPlum
How many doors can your mind open?
WolfEyesatNight 4 months ago
@diddealmqvist "Wow. You're actually correcting my english instead of answering?"
Where did I correct your English? Do the quotations confuse you? I never changed any of your grammar mistakes in the quotes; I left your mistakes intact.
Example - "And atheism. Are you kidding me? That someone doesn't believe anything doesn't meen anything!" That is a direct unedited quote from you.
Do you see the mistake still present?
HucksterFoot 4 months ago
I never knew Dave was raised in Rathfarnham, in Dublin 14. I always thought he was from Belfast. I am from Rathfarnham too.
Sixalienasa 4 months ago
@PokerPlum I do not believe something because I read it in a book. I believe it is true because the Holy Ghost testifies of the truth of it to my mind, heart and soul. I live by faith, that is I believe that God will answer my prayers, I do not live by the laws of, or lack of, the laws of chance. We are here to work for that which we receive by our own industry, and not to waste our time and money gambling for it.
Sixalienasa 4 months ago
"He's in the cupboard" NO HE"S NOT. lmao
Salger12 4 months ago 5
Regarding religion: I'm going to make a video in response to this subject, asking my ignorant friend Andy questions about Genesis (Episode 89). Look out for it on 12th Sep 2011
The week after, I will cover Adam & Eve!
DuzAndyKnow 4 months ago 3
absolutely love Dave Allen....classic, they broke the mould when they made this man!
susandan110 4 months ago
religion is like a penis
its fine to have one
fine to be proud of it
but dont wave it around in public and dont shove it down childrens throats
master123214 4 months ago
"He's in the cupboard!? ... He's under the stairs!!?"
...He's Harry Potter!??
EmilyIFRTY 5 months ago
A brilliant man and one of the best comics ever to walk the boards!
fatandim 5 months ago
Being heretical is this initial sign that one is lucid of mind. Faith is the refusal to be lucid of mind. It is the desire of the faithful to feed their delusion and defend it from reason.
scotttebben 5 months ago 20
It's not difficult to reverse-engineer the concept of Religion from it's inception to its demise. Man created God.
...Any Questions???
steveh777ify 5 months ago
@steveh777ify Ummm....... yeah....Ummmm........can i go to the bathroom now? captain obvious?
Melga1994 5 months ago
In the name of the father and into the hole he goes.... Amen!
erlcly02 5 months ago
There was a fellow nailed to the cross.... :)
gloomysundaydementia 5 months ago
To understand religion you only have to see the results of religion. Mostly hatred pretending to be love and power struggle.
3877michael 5 months ago
@ davehorne was it my fav joke ???
thethe9111 5 months ago
Wonderful. I didn't know who Dave Allen was until last night. I was watching a documentary about him and I made it a point to remember his name and look at YouTube videos. (I grew up in the US>)
Priceless!
davehorne 5 months ago 3
I don't believe in god because I think god was created to give people an reason for the creation of the universe because some people can't stand not knowing as it is in human nature to be scared of the unknown and even if there was a god who said he had to be nice that part likely comes from people being scared of something being stronger or more powerful them themselves
missdramaqween123 5 months ago
want to know the real truth and something the authorities dont want you to know?
go to "after the rain nzoz1978" and find my 3 comments.
figbat1 5 months ago
Absolutely hilarious
MrRightfootleftfoot 5 months ago
haha he's so adorable when he does the little boy's expressions and replies!
ConstableNic 5 months ago
55 people are christians !
ConstableNic 5 months ago
@ConstableNic your moms a christian
kylebohnet 3 months ago
@kylebohnet
Actually she's an atheist.
ConstableNic 3 months ago
In the name of the father, the son and into the hole he goes. LOL
Thank you Dave.
ozweblogs 5 months ago 21
What a sad loss.
KarlPhys 5 months ago
this is so funny but true......sadly we were brought up that way....... now we are thorn apart as a nation who trusted this church.... what now? what religion do my children and grandchildren turn to?
fairhillnorrie 5 months ago
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why do religious nuts come on here and debate this ? This is a comedy sketch. Get over it. RIP dave allen.
lilypie07 5 months ago
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CatholicFaithInfo 5 months ago
im not religous because its agianst my religion.
yabitchonmydikk 5 months ago
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Religion is like having a penis, its fine to be proud of it, but its indecent to whip it out and smack people around with it.... also please dont shove it down childrens' throats.. thank you
sTapleEVA 6 months ago
Talking to a christian is like talking to a fish. There is nothing there but glassy eyes. They open there mouth and down the rabbit hole we go. Delusion has griped it's claws to deep for reason to release them. They want to be Wonderland.
scotttebben 6 months ago 4
@scotttebben That is one of the best and truest Youtube comments I have ever read.
Shostasymphony 5 months ago
The USA and much of the third world are the only places left on earth that still have a major Christian majority. This is not only unhartning but it is quite telling to the high level of superstition and it's correlation to poor education. To be fair, statistically the better a government is run the less religious the society is.
scotttebben 6 months ago 2
@scotttebben Canada,Russia,Georgia,Greece,Italy,Germany, USA, and Britian all have STRONG christian roots. Peace be With You
c00per69 5 months ago
@c00per69 The proper word is had. As in past tense. I suggest you do some searches for statistical information. Find the newest demographics of Atheism and Non-Believers along with non religious in the world for a start. With information so easily available, being ignorant today is by choice my dimwitted friend.
scotttebben 5 months ago
"What God would damn a heart?"
- Tim Mcilrath, Rise Against
FilthyLampost 6 months ago
I love this, it got to my heartv xxx
seanrules453 6 months ago
The last time I checked all the words we use are made up from the same 26 letters of the alphabet. Language is a form of expression. I think people should be offended by abuse in the church, not by words. Brilliant comedy from Dave Allen as always, a unique observer of life and its strange quirks, never been bettered and much missed.
allymacinnes 6 months ago
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Religion is a cult which poisons minds! It advocates immorality and irresponsibility!! It condones voluntary willful ignorance and sycophantic flattery without questioning these bizarre ideals! There has never been any truth to religion. It's all about being a sycophant to an idea! Unlike religion, I want to live the best life I can with decent morals so that I can get along with people. Religion likes partitioning people off into groups which is retarded in my opinion.
FallofDarkness55 6 months ago 2
I love him, I love him, I love him
marko92pn 6 months ago
People with the strength of character to survive their treatment in religious institutions often use it as material for comedy or a book they write, a film they produce etc. but we should spare a thought for those whose lives and psychological wellbeing have been irreparably damaged by the disgraceful conduct of nuns and priests in whose care they were placed. Dave Allen and Billy Connolly are very funny, but the topic that they bring out into the light is very serious. Shame on religion!
boc1953 6 months ago
JAJAJAJAJAAJ
wachorugua 6 months ago
if i die i go to hell because i dont believe in god .... lol
and in hell i will be tortured and feel pain for eternity
but uhm here is a question how can i feel pain when my body is in the ground you know, my body which has a nervous system? or do i get my body back when i am in hell?
SadisticThrasher 6 months ago
It's beyond me how a perfectly healthy human mind can wake up in the morning, believing in something so irrational that it contradicts every apparent aspects of our universe.
FilthyLampost 6 months ago 5