This isn't quite an atheist joke, but it's bible-related and pretty damn funny-
A christian couple have just woken up on saturday morning, and during breakfast they start arguing over who makes the coffee. The man eventually asks her why he should brew the coffee, so then the wife says "It's in the bible!"
The man then asks where in the bible it is, and the wife pulls out their bible, opens it up, and points to the top of a page and says "See here? It says 'HEbrews'"
here's my own joke. What is the difference between a gloryhole and Christianity? Absolutely nothing! On the inside of the box there is either a Christian or a slut. On the outside is either a fat pudgy man who's too embarrassed to show his face because he has a small dick or "God". Here's the similarity: At first the box shines little light because of the hole. All of a sudden a cock pops through and the box is entirely dark. Not a funny joke, but it's true.
Two nuns sharing a bath and there is a knock on the door "I'm the blind man, may i come in" calls the visitor. The nuns exchange glances and agree "sure, if you are the blind man that's ok"
In comes the man and looks at the naked nuns and comments "nice....now where do want me to fit this new blind?"
This is not so much of a joke as an observation of logic....
Jesus is supposed to have come down from heaven when he was born and when he died he knew that he was going back to eternal paradise with his dad and all his angel friends.
His death was not a sacrifice but his BIRTH was as it took him from heaven and put him down on earth to suffer the privations of being a poor carpenter's son.
His death and return to heaven was the opposite, just a cop out, going home early no sacrifice at all.
An atheist and a christian lived next door to each other. The christian had a meager job, plain wife and a crap car. The atheist had a nice job, great wife and a luxury car.
The Christian prayed constantly for his life to be as good. But his life progressively went down hill while the atheist kept getting more and more. One night the christian cried out to god "Why does he get everything and you do nothing for me?" And god answerd "Because he doesnt bug the shit out of me!"
Satan has received authority on earth. satan gives rock ability, money, wealth and power. However, in the end, satan is thrown into the Lake of Fire along with all who refused to honor God, and chose to insult His Holy Name, and to reject Jesus, and to persecute those who believe.
Only those who turn to God, acknowledge their past life was wrong, and take up the path to holiness and love for all- these shall enter Heaven. This can include you, too!
OMG, Are you serious? I never heard it put that way before!! You win! I guess I need to stop acting like an atheist and get saved. Show me how to rid myself of this Satan fellow. I dont want my non-matter soul to burn forever with fire that will somehow be painful even though I will have no nervous system... Then again nah, Ill risk hell.
I just converted to Judaism and my Rabi said that I had to get circumcised. When I arrived, he was with a beautiful blond doctor. I said Why is she here? My Rabi says Its procedure to have a check up before hand. So get this; I go in and she tells me I have to stop masturbating. And I says Why Doc? and she says BECAUSE IM TRYING TO DO AN EXAM HERE!
Jesus and Moses are fishing one day and they start challenging each other to a miracle-off. Moses is first: seperating his hands the boat gently lowers to the bottom as the lake parts. Impressed Jesus trys his luck, carefully Jesus steps out of the boat and takes several steps on the lakes surface, before falling straight into the water.
What happened? asked Moses.
Wetly Jesus says: I should have known better to try that one, last time I did it I didn't have these damn holes in my feet!
Joseph walks into his wife's bedroom with a sheep under his arm and announces, "This is the pig that I have been fucking". Joseph's wife shouts, "You idiot. That is a sheep, not a pig". Joseph replies, "I was not talking to you, I was talking to the sheep".
LOL1 A Christian approached an atheist on the street, and entreated with him to believe in the Lord Jesus. The atheist suddenly said, 'Why, I do believe this is my bus.'
LMAO!! Thats funny shit. I especially love the beer #4.
How about, "if you commit suicide with a bomb and kill the infidels, there will be 72 virgins waiting for you in the afterlife... well April Fool DUMBASS!!!" Quote from Walter and Jeff Dunham, the ventriliquist.
And here's a heavy one thats a faith tester... Where was the all powerful being of goodness during the mutilation of all wars children? Playing "here's for all the children I love" on heavens smallest violin!
I just made one up, Whats the difference between a dead christian and an athiest who's leaving Scotland? doesnt matter because where ever there going they've gone to a better place.
nah if you want to see some great atheist humor religon is bullshit by george carlin is pretty good well not good genius actually i think it came out of his you are all diseased
lawl the first joke was not not funny.. it was just not funny .. actually none of the jokes were funny.. ive heard some atheist humour and this doesnt compare to it.. cuz this jokes are very serious
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
The scientifically established age of the earth is about 6000 years. Ever notice how they discover a new camp, village or other site and it is aged in thousands, not billions of years?
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
Do you know how Christianity describes "Karma"? It is called the 'law of reciprocity'. Whatever thou shalt sow and sow and sow, that shall you reap.
There is no onr-for-one exchange. If you are consistently a good person, THEN you will receive good. One rudeness won't get a guaranteed penalty, either.
However, in Christianity, ALL YOUR BAD KARMA CAN BE ERASED, FOR FREE. The blood Jesus shed on the cross paid for the evil works of every person who believes and asks. Interested?
Karma is not new in Buddhism. This law is recorded in the Torah: "Whatsoever thou shat do and do and do, that shall you reap."
Also, what Buddhism does not tell (because it is the work of demons) is that all bad "karma" (aka pending judgment) can be erased by the blood of Jesus-- which means to be made right by accepting God's payment. You have to ask for it, it is NOT automatic.
PS- I don't have any dog, but if I did, Jesus would raise it from the dead!
dont you just love christians and how they try to help you by spinning their bullshit just taylored made for you which is they they revise the hole creation sceince crap some every 10 to 20 years
"We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing all-powerful God, who creates faulty Humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes." - Gene Roddenberry
You got a couple chuckles out of me on that one. However I have a much harder time laughing at jokes that make fun of christians than I should. Not because of any special consideration toward my own former religion, but because I have trouble forgetting the fear of that fact that the vast majority still believe that destructive and dangerous set of lies.
A father is in church with his five year old daughter. As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that she could properly witness the service.
During this particular service, the pastor was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant's head.
With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked: "Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?"
Hey question to all my Atheist.. Ok so my next tattoo I want to get the Atheist symbol.. It is the Invisible Pink Unicorn or that A with the science symbol thing!!
I think you should go full out. A giant Flying Spaghetti Monster on your back, with his tendrils curling into Tribal-esk sleeve tattoos. Now THAT is something I could get behind praying to.
Yes!... Please do another one!!! This one was great! hilarious! I liked'em all, but the one with little sara made me roll on floor laughing! "if your parents were morons then what would you be?.. sarah smiles and says: well then I'd be a 2nd born christian!" hahahahahaah
A Shogun wants a samurai body guard, so the Japanese Samurai body guard opens a box, a dragon fly comes our, and he chops it perfectly in half.
The Chinese Samurai comes, opens a box, and a fly comes out *slash* cuts it perfectly in half.
A Jewish Samurai comes forth, opens a box, and a gnat comes out, he flashes his sword numerous times...but the gnat keeps on flying.The shogun said "well you made an effort but it's still alive". To which the samurai responds.....
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
Um....This is Azsuperman, I'm a wanna-be athiest, and Um......I wear a Tapout shirt and UM....I need help arguin with TravelFJB because, um....I keep losing and Um.....I don't seem to know what the word "sin" or the word "Wicked " means and um.....I'm getting my agnostic butt kicked!!!!
You've spammed too many of my videos. Posting the same comment to a dozen videos doesn't add anything to the discussion. It only makes you a nuisance to more people.
Prayer alone is just not enough, as this joke shows.
A religious man is having financial problems. He just got laid off from his job, his wife doesn't work, and they have 3 kids under 5. He prays to God "God please, I need help, please let me win the lottery."
A week passes and he does not win, another week and he loses again. After several weeks he prays to God again and says. "God why have you forsaken me?"
The clouds part and a voice booms out, "Meet me half-way and go buy a ticket!"
As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"
In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"
Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.
As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."
Why is that? For years television used laugh tracks, and every week millions of viewers tuned in. I don't ever recall hearing that anyone ever called the television stations calling the producers assholes because they used laugh tracks! Knowing azsuperman01 brilliance, I think he put those in there so a chump like you would have something to bitch about. Why would anyone want to be a Christian anyway when they are so friggin' miserable? Keep up the good work AZ.
I loved the video man. You are a true genius. My friends love the video. I've seen most of tough question videos. They are well thought out and very insightful. The only real issue I had was the laugh tracks. They kind of took away from the humor. Keep the videos coming man, they're great.
Dude awesome video! hahaha loved the 10 reasons u know someones a christian! And to those people going wtf this isn't funny bla bla if u didnt want to hear jokes about christianity why did u watch the video?
One there was a man, who with the pure force of his will created a orb of rock and dirt, next he created a blue sheen around the orb, made water on some places on the orb.
Next the snapped his ingers and the orb bathed in light.
Next he created living things from only dust and trash.
What do we call him? we call him UBERMAN!
And UBERMAN! is able to destroy everything by ill alone.
Anyone with conviction in their beliefs should have the strength of will to be able to laugh at themselves. eg: I'm Jewish; What happens to a jew who walks into a wall with a hardon? He breaks his nose! *hyuk*
You can prove that you actually have a beer lol
soloeinhander 1 month ago
Where did you find that list of 10 ways to know your a Christian?
paramorefan1122 2 months ago
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! That was histarical
Could do without the laugh track tho
paramorefan1122 2 months ago
Oh man, you made my morning! I can't stop giggling! <3
Whiterussiankrad 3 months ago
the born again christian = funnyyyyyy
Hectom8 6 months ago
You guys are really hung up on religion on this group. Are you a
bunch of fundies or what?
Who is Jesus?
God and evolution
Reasons to Believe...
Oh -- wait -- that one probably *really* is an evolutionists post.
I am curious - why are you (apparently) proud of being an idiot and so
anxious to advertise the fact?
camaroontree 1 year ago
I've always found the born again christian joke to be hysterical.
Asperine3460 1 year ago
That laugh track was kind of annoying...
FangFiftyFive 1 year ago
I love the canned laughter. It helps.
Fantasiamay 1 year ago
funny. but i am no longer an athiest
johngum1973 1 year ago
Nice video!
This isn't quite an atheist joke, but it's bible-related and pretty damn funny-
A christian couple have just woken up on saturday morning, and during breakfast they start arguing over who makes the coffee. The man eventually asks her why he should brew the coffee, so then the wife says "It's in the bible!"
The man then asks where in the bible it is, and the wife pulls out their bible, opens it up, and points to the top of a page and says "See here? It says 'HEbrews'"
Omegashadowyoshi 1 year ago
Sara joke was funny :D
Naxxros 1 year ago
ok heres one.
q.KNOCK KNOCK
a. whos there.
q. nobody.
yeah, thats how creative i am
911650 1 year ago
subscribed
911650 1 year ago
Why did the jews wander the sands for 40 years?
One of them dropped a nickle
AllAmericanFamilyMan 2 years ago
here's my own joke. What is the difference between a gloryhole and Christianity? Absolutely nothing! On the inside of the box there is either a Christian or a slut. On the outside is either a fat pudgy man who's too embarrassed to show his face because he has a small dick or "God". Here's the similarity: At first the box shines little light because of the hole. All of a sudden a cock pops through and the box is entirely dark. Not a funny joke, but it's true.
Cannedmeat420 2 years ago
@Cannedmeat420 i dont understand this joke
DJDanzzEdit 1 year ago
Comment removed
TheJazzman59 2 years ago
Q. What's the difference between searching for god and searching for weapons of mass destruction?
A. When we found no evidence of WMD we conceded that there weren't any!
TheJazzman59 2 years ago 5
Hahaha. Awesome.
STFUNOWlol 2 years ago
Q: Why do Mormon women stop having babies at thirty-five?
A: Because thirty-six is just too many.
TheJazzman59 2 years ago 3
Two nuns sharing a bath and there is a knock on the door "I'm the blind man, may i come in" calls the visitor. The nuns exchange glances and agree "sure, if you are the blind man that's ok"
In comes the man and looks at the naked nuns and comments "nice....now where do want me to fit this new blind?"
TheJazzman59 2 years ago
A priest and an atheist play golf, the atheist tees off.
"missed the goddamn thing" shouts the atheist as his first swing misses the ball.
"Take the Lord's name in vain and he will be sure to strike you down" says the priest.
"Goddamn missed again" says the atheist as he misses again.
The priest repeats his warning as the atheist curses every time he misses.
Eventually a thunderbolt strikes the priest killing him stone dead.
"Damn and blast missed again" came the voice from the heavens
TheJazzman59 2 years ago 3
This is not so much of a joke as an observation of logic....
Jesus is supposed to have come down from heaven when he was born and when he died he knew that he was going back to eternal paradise with his dad and all his angel friends.
His death was not a sacrifice but his BIRTH was as it took him from heaven and put him down on earth to suffer the privations of being a poor carpenter's son.
His death and return to heaven was the opposite, just a cop out, going home early no sacrifice at all.
TheJazzman59 2 years ago
Notice on church door...
Sermon Sunday morning : - Jesus walks on water
Sermon Sunday evening: - Looking for Jesus
TheJazzman59 2 years ago
LOL. I'm Christian and I LOVE Atheist humor. If anyone has good Atheist humor please send it to me..PM or channel comment. I find it hilarious.
Thank you and God;) bless.
AtheistsWillBurn 2 years ago
@AtheistsWillBurn you are all the reasons why we are fucked.
ryanireland187 1 year ago
Do u no y i like the bible so much? cuz its the best jokebook ever!
Clyde200k 2 years ago
I always watch this movie to cheer me up... I love it
Zergeh 2 years ago
You don't have to wait 2000 years for another beer!
You can prove you actually have a beer!
Brilliant :P
robwasripped 2 years ago
An atheist and a christian lived next door to each other. The christian had a meager job, plain wife and a crap car. The atheist had a nice job, great wife and a luxury car.
The Christian prayed constantly for his life to be as good. But his life progressively went down hill while the atheist kept getting more and more. One night the christian cried out to god "Why does he get everything and you do nothing for me?" And god answerd "Because he doesnt bug the shit out of me!"
raistlin072 2 years ago
Satan has received authority on earth. satan gives rock ability, money, wealth and power. However, in the end, satan is thrown into the Lake of Fire along with all who refused to honor God, and chose to insult His Holy Name, and to reject Jesus, and to persecute those who believe.
Only those who turn to God, acknowledge their past life was wrong, and take up the path to holiness and love for all- these shall enter Heaven. This can include you, too!
KnowJesusKnowPeace 2 years ago
OMG, Are you serious? I never heard it put that way before!! You win! I guess I need to stop acting like an atheist and get saved. Show me how to rid myself of this Satan fellow. I dont want my non-matter soul to burn forever with fire that will somehow be painful even though I will have no nervous system... Then again nah, Ill risk hell.
raistlin072 2 years ago
I just converted to Judaism and my Rabi said that I had to get circumcised. When I arrived, he was with a beautiful blond doctor. I said Why is she here? My Rabi says Its procedure to have a check up before hand. So get this; I go in and she tells me I have to stop masturbating. And I says Why Doc? and she says BECAUSE IM TRYING TO DO AN EXAM HERE!
raistlin072 2 years ago
hilarious
apace23 2 years ago
a preist and a rabbi are walking down the street and they see a little boy and the preist says "lets fuck him" the rabbi says, "out of what?"
johnnythesailorman 2 years ago
Q:what do michael jackson and jesus have in common?
A:Nothing!!!!
johnnythesailorman 2 years ago
a priest was riding a bicycle.two cops were watching at a corner, they see the priest and tells him to stop:
-hey priest where are you going?
-forward with god!
-ok..get down!!..$200 fine because you're two on the bicycle
tofu1077 2 years ago
Actually, this one is funny!
KnowJesusKnowPeace 2 years ago
Jesus and Moses are fishing one day and they start challenging each other to a miracle-off. Moses is first: seperating his hands the boat gently lowers to the bottom as the lake parts. Impressed Jesus trys his luck, carefully Jesus steps out of the boat and takes several steps on the lakes surface, before falling straight into the water.
What happened? asked Moses.
Wetly Jesus says: I should have known better to try that one, last time I did it I didn't have these damn holes in my feet!
popecorkyxxiv 2 years ago 4
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up like an alter boy.
Q: Why did Jesus give a handful of nails to the hotal manager?
A: He wanted to see if they could put him up for the night.
Q:Benedict XVI
A: I can't think of a bigger joke, can you?
popecorkyxxiv 2 years ago 3
LMAO! Look up Professor Brothers Bible History on youtube, just as funny
VampireTico666 2 years ago
Adding laughter does not make the jokes any funnier.
hpufo 2 years ago 3
@hpufo not true
Stealtheeee 1 year ago
very good!!!!
capriciousgod 2 years ago
PLEASE POST MORE OF THESE!!!!
christine13black 3 years ago
i like the top 10 lists, especially the second one :)
Greggae89 3 years ago
Number 1 was my favorite.
hpufo 2 years ago
Pretty good, did you come up with or find most of these. I don't care which, they were all pretty good. :D
NotRlyMatthew 3 years ago
NotRlyMatthew - Most of these were emailed to me.
azsuperman01 3 years ago
Kind of a cruel one but
Whats the difference between a painting and jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang a painting!
demonikwarriorx 2 years ago 5
LMAO!!!
azsuperman01 2 years ago
azsuperman ill send you a couple through your email cause theyre two long for comments
demonikwarriorx 2 years ago
Oh that was indeed hilarious, please make this a series but, if you don't; I will!
DemonAuraProductions 3 years ago
Joseph walks into his wife's bedroom with a sheep under his arm and announces, "This is the pig that I have been fucking". Joseph's wife shouts, "You idiot. That is a sheep, not a pig". Joseph replies, "I was not talking to you, I was talking to the sheep".
Morlawnical 3 years ago 5
This one is about the Oath of Poverty priests take.
Priest: What is the difference between two eleven year old boys and a brand new mercades benz?
Priest: I don't have a brand new mercades benz locked up in my garage
Morlawnical 3 years ago
LOL1 A Christian approached an atheist on the street, and entreated with him to believe in the Lord Jesus. The atheist suddenly said, 'Why, I do believe this is my bus.'
wordreet 3 years ago
lmfao little sarah one is the best XD
slmjml 3 years ago
I love the 'Little Sarah, The Atheist' joke!
tthomaselli2 3 years ago
I'm Catholic & proud of it, but, some of the jokes he said, I like them.
(**Especially the joke about the devout Christian & the next-door Atheist.**.).
tthomaselli2 3 years ago
LMAO!! Thats funny shit. I especially love the beer #4.
How about, "if you commit suicide with a bomb and kill the infidels, there will be 72 virgins waiting for you in the afterlife... well April Fool DUMBASS!!!" Quote from Walter and Jeff Dunham, the ventriliquist.
Feredir28 3 years ago
FUCKING LOL. HAVE MY CHILDREN.
shmity55 3 years ago 4
And here's a heavy one thats a faith tester... Where was the all powerful being of goodness during the mutilation of all wars children? Playing "here's for all the children I love" on heavens smallest violin!
rokridge 3 years ago
I just made one up, Whats the difference between a dead christian and an athiest who's leaving Scotland? doesnt matter because where ever there going they've gone to a better place.
rokridge 3 years ago
hahaha i am a christian and i love this vid haha
metalfire7777 3 years ago 2
well THEN i'd be a born-again christian! lol killer dude this guy's good
Tocud 3 years ago 6
The last two were the best!
satouame 3 years ago 3
I like the born again Christian one.
plaayer13 3 years ago 7
nah if you want to see some great atheist humor religon is bullshit by george carlin is pretty good well not good genius actually i think it came out of his you are all diseased
laxguy22655 3 years ago
Proof that God is a man: If God were female, there would be a doomsday every month!
ggalen 3 years ago 4
lol nice 1
emodude123123 3 years ago 2
Proof that God is a man: No woman could ever screw things up this badly!
-paraphrased from George Carlin quote
MTGandP 3 years ago 2
but if god was a woman there would be a doomsday at the end of every month
emodude123123 3 years ago 8
LOL great
JohnJoda 3 years ago
LOL well then i'll be a born-again christian XD dude this guy's killer
Tocud 3 years ago
cool jokes, but the built in laughter kills it for me.
thejumperkin 3 years ago 3
LOL he's so sincere. That's what makes it so hillarious!
sputnikowns 3 years ago
"THEN I'd be a born again Christian!"
I know people say this on Youtube all the time, but I actually mean it. I have NEVER laughed so hard in my life. XD
blithium 3 years ago
love it :)
smawkid 3 years ago
funny as hell, make a new 1
emodude123123 3 years ago
Nice video, :P!
I got some new ones to tell my friends now haha
Zergeh 3 years ago
lawl the first joke was not not funny.. it was just not funny .. actually none of the jokes were funny.. ive heard some atheist humour and this doesnt compare to it.. cuz this jokes are very serious
lambovsatan225 3 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
The scientifically established age of the earth is about 6000 years. Ever notice how they discover a new camp, village or other site and it is aged in thousands, not billions of years?
KnowJesusKnowPeace 3 years ago
Religions Nut Job Ratings System
watch?v=02X_TeRZgmg
Lotus4115 3 years ago 2
Ever notice how all the creationists make up fake measurements and statistics in science to pretend they're right?
DbzmasterdbzNecross 3 years ago 5
Challenge: Find the very first source of "millions and billions of years." Then see when the evidence to support it started.
KnowJesusKnowPeace 3 years ago
What does this even have to do anything? Radiometric dating proves the age of the earth. Simple as that.
DbzmasterdbzNecross 3 years ago 4
Challenge: Go to a museum and find a dinosaur then Ta da! More than 6,000 years :D
demonikwarriorx 2 years ago 2
Holy crap! You're right! :)
jesterspace 2 years ago
Religious nutjob alert! 6000 years??!! That's not just wrong, that's about as wrong as it's possible to be. This is why we need more schools.
Ozzyman200 3 years ago
Indeed my friend! :D
Doormaster 3 years ago
lolololol.
Then why is the bible older than 6000 years? Or in fact other civilizations?
Also ever hear of dating methods? Or evolution in general? Look it up.
RebirthedKarma 3 years ago 4
This comment has received too many negative votes show
Do you know how Christianity describes "Karma"? It is called the 'law of reciprocity'. Whatever thou shalt sow and sow and sow, that shall you reap.
There is no onr-for-one exchange. If you are consistently a good person, THEN you will receive good. One rudeness won't get a guaranteed penalty, either.
However, in Christianity, ALL YOUR BAD KARMA CAN BE ERASED, FOR FREE. The blood Jesus shed on the cross paid for the evil works of every person who believes and asks. Interested?
KnowJesusKnowPeace 3 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
All you have to do is believe one lie.
wwickeddogg 3 years ago
Sorry knowjesus, but my KARMA ran over your DOGMA..
raistlin072 2 years ago
Karma is not new in Buddhism. This law is recorded in the Torah: "Whatsoever thou shat do and do and do, that shall you reap."
Also, what Buddhism does not tell (because it is the work of demons) is that all bad "karma" (aka pending judgment) can be erased by the blood of Jesus-- which means to be made right by accepting God's payment. You have to ask for it, it is NOT automatic.
PS- I don't have any dog, but if I did, Jesus would raise it from the dead!
KnowJesusKnowPeace 2 years ago
@KnowJesusKnowPeace So we can sin and sin and sin, really enjoy ourselves and then accept Jesus's blood and still go to heaven?
How cool is that!
TheJazzman59 2 years ago
dont you just love christians and how they try to help you by spinning their bullshit just taylored made for you which is they they revise the hole creation sceince crap some every 10 to 20 years
laxguy22655 3 years ago
"We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing all-powerful God, who creates faulty Humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes." - Gene Roddenberry
SpiderEternal 3 years ago 2
You got a couple chuckles out of me on that one. However I have a much harder time laughing at jokes that make fun of christians than I should. Not because of any special consideration toward my own former religion, but because I have trouble forgetting the fear of that fact that the vast majority still believe that destructive and dangerous set of lies.
cyxgun 3 years ago 3
this is awesome
louddistort 3 years ago
lol
adefenselesschild 3 years ago
HAHA. the beer one is the best.
simplystatic 3 years ago 3
the fake laughter was really annoying, apart from that, i lol'd
MessagesToYourMind 3 years ago
Those were baaaaad! But funny!
More, More!
Bowmaj21 3 years ago
Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?"
Priest: "No, not if you did not know."
Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"
-Annie Dillard, 'Pilgrim at Tinker Creek'
serayX 3 years ago 14
how many creationists does it take to change a light bulb?
None - electricity is just a theory.
fatatheist 3 years ago 16
Like the laugh! :D
deusAtheismus 3 years ago
I lol'd.
DaveGrossmanSoloBass 3 years ago
Awesome Vid! But When u did the top 10 list thing..that is from David Letterman Not Jay Leno
DaveLikeWhoa678 3 years ago
A father is in church with his five year old daughter. As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that she could properly witness the service.
During this particular service, the pastor was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant's head.
With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked: "Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?"
wavymavy 3 years ago 6
LOL!! I love it!
azsuperman01 3 years ago
id put jesus in the driver seat but he doeznt have a license. =P
twitchez2k 3 years ago
I LOVED THAT!!
those were amazing
bandmusic101 3 years ago
"George has been pissing in the fridge again" xD
damillionmalania 3 years ago
"if your mom was a moron and dad was a moron what would you be then"....... "Well then id be a born again christian"
HAHA LOL
I LOVE IT
Keep em' comin'
19lowlow85 3 years ago 3
Hey question to all my Atheist.. Ok so my next tattoo I want to get the Atheist symbol.. It is the Invisible Pink Unicorn or that A with the science symbol thing!!
ZackB108 3 years ago
ZackB108 - Personal preference. I've seen tattoos of both.
azsuperman01 3 years ago
I think you should go full out. A giant Flying Spaghetti Monster on your back, with his tendrils curling into Tribal-esk sleeve tattoos. Now THAT is something I could get behind praying to.
BlackstarSirius 3 years ago
Yes!... Please do another one!!! This one was great! hilarious! I liked'em all, but the one with little sara made me roll on floor laughing! "if your parents were morons then what would you be?.. sarah smiles and says: well then I'd be a 2nd born christian!" hahahahahaah
3dfreak 3 years ago 2
God is a myth, Jesus is dead, and the religious masses are weak. Keep it up!!!
tmill1967 3 years ago 3
A Shogun wants a samurai body guard, so the Japanese Samurai body guard opens a box, a dragon fly comes our, and he chops it perfectly in half.
The Chinese Samurai comes, opens a box, and a fly comes out *slash* cuts it perfectly in half.
A Jewish Samurai comes forth, opens a box, and a gnat comes out, he flashes his sword numerous times...but the gnat keeps on flying.The shogun said "well you made an effort but it's still alive". To which the samurai responds.....
Ravindra9689 3 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
Um....This is Azsuperman, I'm a wanna-be athiest, and Um......I wear a Tapout shirt and UM....I need help arguin with TravelFJB because, um....I keep losing and Um.....I don't seem to know what the word "sin" or the word "Wicked " means and um.....I'm getting my agnostic butt kicked!!!!
travelfjb 3 years ago
You've spammed too many of my videos. Posting the same comment to a dozen videos doesn't add anything to the discussion. It only makes you a nuisance to more people.
Sorry travelfjb, you have been banned.
azsuperman01 3 years ago
how old are you?
ancientprotecter 3 years ago
This is great!!Please do more!
How's this: You know your a fundy if you are against cannibalism, but you like eating Jesus's flesh and drinking his blood.
Nightstalkertim 3 years ago
if i was stupid than i would be a christian
ancientprotecter 3 years ago
i am allah, bow to my power!!! MAWAAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! nice video though XD
ancientprotecter 3 years ago
sorry ment,,,satan lolz..
oh my god!
where the fuck is god??
Gard0n 3 years ago
oh my god!! I love you!!!!!!!!!
Gard0n 3 years ago
Why doesn't Jesus like M&M's? They keep falling through the holes in his hand
pirateXhunterXzoro 3 years ago 11
LOL!! I love it!
azsuperman01 3 years ago
Laugh track, nice touch... You came prepared.
Cosmodot256 3 years ago 2
LOL!
Leizarus 3 years ago 4
i love ur videos keep up the good work!
d00dewd 3 years ago 2
Prayer alone is just not enough, as this joke shows.
A religious man is having financial problems. He just got laid off from his job, his wife doesn't work, and they have 3 kids under 5. He prays to God "God please, I need help, please let me win the lottery."
A week passes and he does not win, another week and he loses again. After several weeks he prays to God again and says. "God why have you forsaken me?"
The clouds part and a voice booms out, "Meet me half-way and go buy a ticket!"
bjseerus 3 years ago 5
freakin' awesome, do more jokes please! ...please
raz96 3 years ago
Oh my God that first one is f'ed up, LMAO!
HumbleYankee 3 years ago 2
good jokes, but you should get rid of the laugh track.
twistedstrength 3 years ago
no way, the canned laughter totally makes it.
analubalitious 3 years ago
letterman does the top 10, not leno.
JonIsRandom 3 years ago
I remembered that afterwards... oh well.
azsuperman01 3 years ago
lulz i loved thiiisssss.
afranda 3 years ago
Very. Very. Very. Funny
Youanden 3 years ago
There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.
rammertide07 3 years ago
As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"
rammertide07 3 years ago
In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"
rammertide07 3 years ago
Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.
rammertide07 3 years ago
As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."
rammertide07 3 years ago
Thats really funny,lol
murphy980 3 years ago
I couldn't help but to laugh at the april fools joke. Yeah I'm aa Christian but I have a sense of humor too.
I have a joke as well....
rammertide07 3 years ago
rammertide07 - That's a good one. I've heard it before with a bear instead of a shark, but it's still a good one.
azsuperman01 3 years ago
Yeah Ive heard the one with the bear but I found this one and just copied and paste
rammertide07 3 years ago
I liked it! Thanks, from a fellow atheist.
KenOnLine3 3 years ago
the video is great but the laugh tracks are annoying and makes you sound like an asshole.
BRtheDEMON 3 years ago
Why is that? For years television used laugh tracks, and every week millions of viewers tuned in. I don't ever recall hearing that anyone ever called the television stations calling the producers assholes because they used laugh tracks! Knowing azsuperman01 brilliance, I think he put those in there so a chump like you would have something to bitch about. Why would anyone want to be a Christian anyway when they are so friggin' miserable? Keep up the good work AZ.
kenny5271957 3 years ago
I'm an atheist also. But the laugh tracks were a little much for my taste. I've seen a lot of AZ's stuff and he is a genius.
BRtheDEMON 3 years ago
BRtheDEMON - Hey man, I'm just having some fun! Go easy on me!
azsuperman01 3 years ago
I loved the video man. You are a true genius. My friends love the video. I've seen most of tough question videos. They are well thought out and very insightful. The only real issue I had was the laugh tracks. They kind of took away from the humor. Keep the videos coming man, they're great.
BRtheDEMON 3 years ago
Dude awesome video! hahaha loved the 10 reasons u know someones a christian! And to those people going wtf this isn't funny bla bla if u didnt want to hear jokes about christianity why did u watch the video?
ACDCrockmyboxers 3 years ago 2
Here is my joke (not realy a joke)
One there was a man, who with the pure force of his will created a orb of rock and dirt, next he created a blue sheen around the orb, made water on some places on the orb.
Next the snapped his ingers and the orb bathed in light.
Next he created living things from only dust and trash.
What do we call him? we call him UBERMAN!
And UBERMAN! is able to destroy everything by ill alone.
Terrible i know :P
Sweddude 3 years ago 3
You are my hero!
BRtheDEMON 3 years ago 4
This comment has received too many negative votes show
I have a joke for you: you are not funny, good jokes but your face kinda made me not laugh HAHAHA
nainamor 3 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
Go fuck yourself! Get it?
Provocarate 3 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
Go fuck yourself! Get it?
Provocarate 3 years ago
good job. the first one was a bit fucked up tho but number 5 of the beer part was too funy
SoldierCyfix 4 years ago 2
WWJD - We won. Jesus died.
reneekatz 4 years ago 2
lol i like the beer part good job
lerox22 4 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Do you know that there is no atheist in hell. Here is a warning. Watch these 2 vid at youtube search:
1 DEAD HUMAN SPIRIT TORMENTED IN HELL BY DEMONS AND DEVILS
2 An accurate depiction of Hell by Bill Wiese and Mary Baxter
jesussavesinner 4 years ago
What do you mean "JAY LENO STYLE" the top 10 list is on the DAVID LETTERMAN SHOW! Everyone knows that =)
Good jokes thow!
Salladsdressing 4 years ago 2
Oh yeah. Salladsdressing has a point. Maybe God made azsuperman01 screw that up because He was angry with this type of humor. *shudder*
Omphaloskepsian 4 years ago
Awesome!!
I loved it xD
47h3157 4 years ago 2
super , thx men
JEDI1MARCEL 4 years ago
and here i was expecting atheist humour, not antichristian humour.
neomp5 4 years ago
Anyone with conviction in their beliefs should have the strength of will to be able to laugh at themselves. eg: I'm Jewish; What happens to a jew who walks into a wall with a hardon? He breaks his nose! *hyuk*
Omphaloskepsian 4 years ago 4
This comment has received too many negative votes show
my point was that real atheist people feel no satistfaction from angering other people
neomp5 4 years ago
On the contrary. ALL people feel satisfaction from angering other people. It goes beyond religious belief; it's human nature. ;-)
Omphaloskepsian 4 years ago 4