OpAphid vs. Robert Evans - Patton Oswalt Explains (Dirty)

[OreallyR17]

Cave Johnson here..

[danielswensen]

Quit your bellyachin' Buck Rogers it's just a diver's watch

[ShamelessMcBundy]

3 people's rectums are not nightmarishly elastic.

[aricalifornia]

"...nightmareishly elastic..."

[kelly2353]

mmm diane keaton

[grateredshark12345]

i want to meet patten so bad

[karsown]

I HATE ALL OF YOU PEOPLE WHO FUKING TRANSCRIBE THE JOKES..IF I WANTED, I COULD TURN ON THE GODDAM CAPTIONS

[Jeffko78]

@karsown SUCK MY KNOB, POLICEWOMAN!

[ubroketherulez]

COKEY MCSNORT FUCK FtW

[Aphasia17]

brian dennehy is legend

[TheJimmyHarrison]

‎"Hello, I'm Robert Evans for the ESPN network. You know, back in the early '70's when I was producing the Godfather films, I had a whirlpool bath installed in my trailer that I would fill with apple juice everyday. Do you have any idea what Diane Keaton's pussy tastes like when it's been soaking in apple juice all day? Not half as sweet as the sports action you're gonna see on ESPN every Sunday!"-Patton Oswalt

[karsown]

@TheJimmyHarrison Thank you!!!! I dont hear so good!! I actually hate standup, all of that animated, masterful storytelling stuff is for fags. I would rather silently read the jokes later while im sitting in bed with my cat, Captain Vagina-slayer

[doobiesmoke15]

Did people really do that many drugs in the 70s?

[HighPriestofLemuria]

@doobiesmoke15Yeah, and now they are the old people that run our country. Why are things so fucked up? Because baby boomers are the establishment now, and they are a bunch of druggy burnouts. And I'm not just talking liberal or conservative, I'm talking the whole stinking lot of them.

[ishtarg8]

@HighPriestofLemuria Hey, fuck you kid, I ... wait, what was I saying? Oooh, pretzels!

[jek21]

3 people ejaculated their central nervous system.

[RenethDeshmira]

Super Bowl XLV match-up is at the end of the Rubik's Cube one. I'll be scared if I see Robert Evans there.

[PeMeSProductions]

patton is comedic god

[theolajide]

genious

[GratuitousWhimsy]

this may be the funniest bit patton's ever done

[ubroketherulez]

does not matter how depressed or stressed out i am i listen to this and laugh so fuckin hard every single time...hilarity insues

[comic93]

@madmoods fuckin hilarious LMAO

[AttackMyAss]

3 people can't solve Rubik's cubes inside their anal cavities.

[cob1965]

i like Robert Evans but to make any link with general George Patton is a not quite cricket.....

[brickrichards]

wth does this mean?

[mattcarlucci]

I guess this crowd didnt know about Robert Evans.

[ogwakeup123]

Maybe you should snort some,it can only add to your show,fat f*ck,Rober E. created more than you ever will.

By the way,how's your bank account?not much going there huh.

[Exhume]

@ogwakeup123 Hey douchetard, the very first two word he said were "MY HERO". Plus, I doubt Patton is even remotely poor.

[ubroketherulez]

i'm laughing so hard it's like i'm looking underwater...my gut has busted almost like that time a heroin crazied Roddney Allen Rippy burst in here and punched me right in my solar plexus

[madmoods34]

"Quit your belly aching Buck Rodgers its just a divers watch"

ahahahahaha

[lolubentrold]

"...when a heroin-crazed Rodney Allen Rippy burst into my trailer, and punched me right in the solar plexus!"

[AvangionQ]

Can't seem to find a torrent for The Kid Stays in the Picture audiobook ...

[Squibfire]

the first time i heard this bit on on one of his dvds i almost threw up i was laughing so hard, "and ill be damned if they didnt come out solved"

[kingofthelaugh]

but not half as sweet as the sports action you'll see on ESPN

[dropthosemothers]

COKEYMCSNORTFUCK!

[JMein13074]

like a pussy soaked in affel ju.

[jguelker85]

that part brings me to tears

[fulltruth]

i bought the audiobook. it is awesome.

[JMein13074]

Could you upload, please?

[arzimaze]

Man, by the time he got to "Angie Dickensen could suck the sorrow off a recent widow" I was doubled over in pain from laughing so hard.

[vfnk]

patton is fantastic

[ShadowsHeat]

LOL

Oh man, this shit is gold.

[Shimmer311]

Robert Evans is a Genius and a legend!

[lifeinsepia]

patton oswalt is a Genius and a Legend.

[BIGEC2525]

Tom Wopat loved the 3 F's; food, fun, and fisting!

[RobGoth100]

So funny everytime I hear it.

The best line is the last.

[MusicJew158]

If anyone is offended by this they are uptight cunts

[cmitch419]

The human rectum is almost nightmarishly elastic. I had four Rubik's cubes jammed up there one day on a bet with Brian Dennehy, when a heroin-crazed Rodney Allen Rippy burst into my trailer and punched me right in the solar plexus. I shat out all four cubes and damned if they didn't emerge solved.

[rushguy1]

ESPN--Packers vs. Steelers! Catch it!

Shove 'em up there again, Dennehy! I'll try to solve the reds!

[olivemike81]

I love Patton Oswalt. His act is about as original and funny as you can find right now.

[TomMSTie]

"Cokey McSnortfuck!" LMAO!!!

[TomMSTie]

OMG LMAO!!!

[biscuardo]

thats the funniest thing ive heard in ages, just laughing out loud on my own, nice!

[monsieurhassan]

And my favorite is " . . .. . when a heroine crazed Rodney Allan Rippie burst into my trailer and punched me in the solar pelexis . . ."

[SockbatReplica]

Yup that was one of the funniest parts of the whole bit.

[monsieurhassan]

and thanx to this, I learned what solar plexis is :)

[blingbling4010]

wow huh LOL . chck out my profile for more vids. z

[anarchy0productions]

packers vs. steelers= packers will taste victory sweeter than a pussy soaked in applejuice.

[themishky1]

"Shove 'em up there again, Dennehy, I'll try to just solve the reds!"

[olivemike81]

Quit your bellaching Buck Rogers, it's only a divers watch!

[TomMSTie]

Like a pussy soaked in apple juice!

[olivemike81]

Do you have any idea what Diane Keaton's pussy tastes like, after it's been soaking in apple juice all day?...Not half as sweet as the sports action.... fucking hilarious!!!

[TomMSTie]

LOL!

[write4money]

"I ejaculated my central nervous system and she lit up like a pinball machine at Binion's".

Fucking brilliant.

[MrK623]

This clip is even funnier than the No Reason to Complain vids (which was on Comedy Central last night)

[Ken211]

he's a short fat comedian, NOT mystique. It doesn't matter that he didn't completely emulate the voice; if he did, it probably wouldn't be as funny - which is his priority as a comedian.

[moirafilm]

I never realized how much he sounds like Bill Hicks.

[hurikayne]

It all depends (like with every comedian) what parts of their acts you've seen and where (network TV, basic cable or live). Patton is at his best if you're watching him live and this is among his best bits. "Suck my knob, policewoman!" I spit out my beer on that line.

[dustygrimm]

Robert Evnas fought his way out of an abortion.

[chronoman14]

"I ejaculated my central nervous system..."

LOL, that was great!

[abario]

Not Funny...

[zonesmuggla]

They don't let you voiceover the main character in a major animated film if you're "small time. But yeah, better catch him on youtube or you'll never see him again...... dumbass

[liketanyanot]

Loretta Switt had a bush you could hide a VCR in, are we still recording? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Genius Patton. I want your quote about the KFC Famous Bowl tattooed on every man, woman and child's eyelids just so I can see it every time they blink: "A failure pile in a sadness bowl" ROFLMAO

[sternblume]

loser

[vicious99007]

this is fucking amazing its so funny i died when he said like a pussy soaked in apple juice

[megadookie]

i shat out all 4 cubes

haha

[prede89]

and damned if they weren't all solved

[filler01]

Patton Oswalt could talk somebody to death.

[vicious99007]

u mean make them laugh to death? cause when he talks he makes magic its so damn funny

[filler01]

No I mean he could talk about anything for hours on end.

[Ken211]

that one skill makes for one funny ass riff.

Now shut your ass, watch another one of his videos and laugh, motherfucker.

[filler01]

wow, yessir i certainly will do that.

[tsdcs]

Fucking brilliant.

[XtraTrstrL]

like a pussy soaked in apple juice. lol. wtf.