The Bible is not for kids! - Or is it?

[KaelaBz]

wow your supposed to tell your kids about the bible, stop hiding them..

[kalsolarUK]

@crashpilot2 Thanks for the comment, much appreciated. It's so easy to filter out the yukky stuff from religion when indoctrinating kids. Well...appart from the "you will burn in hell if you don't believe!" lol.

[HolyChristianMetal]

"For some reason it's been edited out" No shit, really? A book (for kids) talking about evolution of apes to man won't show a couple having sex will it? The same thing with this. You're obviously not going to show David holding Goliath's head up in the air because that would scare the kids. It doesn't mean we're hiding anything from them. There's no reason to make books meant to teach lessons into books filled with dead bodies.

[Rusvi1]

don't forget Lot and his daughters fucking his brain out in that cave...

[Greeny1hit1the1sign]

dude Panman38 you should do the illustrated story of the bible shit i'd buy it.

[KrisBlueNZ]

I guess all "children's stories" are watered down and tarted up compared to the original story. Even stories with real historical evidence for them are edited to avoid frightening or confusing children, who often have very vivid imaginations. Religious children's stories are more difficult to edit because the editor has to try not to scare the children too much while still trying to make god's power look awesome and frightening. I guess that's partly why they seem so strange to us.

[bambam8541]

@rikarth there is more than one definition for Faith. Believing in science which is constantly changing (and Not always for the better) takes Faith. This Global climate crap is a perfect example.

[bambam8541]

@anon11674 What has it disproven??

[Anon11674]

It's one of those bait-and-switch con games. First, they show you a much more attractive product, and once you're hooked, they bring out the real thing.

[bambam8541]

That's why it all boils down to Faith, what you believe in. Science, which can neither Prove or Dis-Prove the Bible. Or a book written by many men that speaks of a heavenly God. Choose wisely and live with the consequences. Just don't be hateful and mean to the people of a different Faith

[Anon11674]

Science has already disproved most of your bible, leaving nothing but a collection of Bronze Age folk tales, laws from a primitive society, and bits of common knowledge from the period.

You might be right in saying science can't disprove your god, but science doesn't address claims with no evidence, and the burden of proof would be on the claimer to begin with.

Science is based on evidence and experiment, not faith.

[Rikarth]

If you are referring to Science as faith you have not understood anything. Faith is believing something without evidence and "science changes it´s facts all the time so therefore it is wrong" argument is flawed, we believe what is proven at the time and as the understanding of the world improves and things are dissproven we accept that. Also you should not be hateful but religion must be subject to scrutiny elese the flaws will not be exposed

[bambam8541]

@kalsolarUK Can u prove I'm a bafoon? (love that word). Science is written by man and continualy changing ie the earth is flat, big bang, evolution, DNA....the more we learn about ourselves we realize the statistical probability that we just happen to come in existance it's nearly impossible. Why don't u read the New Testament which is relevant to us today

[kalsolarUK]

As I said, I'm done with this...the only reason I'm replying now is to say that I HAVE READ the new testament (EVERY SINGLE WORD) and the old testament (EVERY SINGLE WORD) have you???? I'm guessing NOT! Correct? I'd bet money on it. The whole thing is ridiculous and full of contradiction, nonsense, fairly tales and holes. Thats me done.

[bambam8541]

@kalsolarUK if it's science you trust then know that evolution cannot produce such complexity in humans or the enviroment. If God created everything with just words then it's possible for a snake to talk or Jesus to walk on water. Or for your sins to be washed away.

[kalsolarUK]

You sir are a baffoon. Tell you what, you keep your fairy tales, I'll keep my knowledge of whats factually proven. (YES PROVEN..not taken on faith, not assumed, PROVEN). Reply if you wish, but you will be talking to yourself from this point forward as I have more useful things to do than debate delusional fools.

[bambam8541]

@grozde why do you think it's punishment and torture. He does show you nothing but Love = You and many more deny his existance, curse him, do not follow his words and practicaly spit in his face but he still wants go spend eternity with you. Look up "AGAPE Love" sp??

[bambam8541]

@grozde it's your decision that decides what happens so don't blame anyone else. All God asks is to believe and accept. He died for you, what more can be done?

[kalsolarUK]

God doesn't ask anything.A book written by men is what is asking you...the fact that you choose to believe this pile of drivel as being truth is you tough luck.

[bambam8541]

It is my tough luck or choice as it would be. You can disagree with me or the Bible but dont mock the ones who do, such as you do in your video.

Come to think of it everything you believe to has also been written by man....so I guess its also all a pile of drivel.

[kalsolarUK]

Everything I choose to believe, I choose to believe NOT because it is written down, but because it can be proven or demonstated to be true. Unlike the fairy tale bible with its talking serpents and donkies etc. If you wish to believe it because someone at church or your parents told you to...thats your business, you're welcome to it.

[bambam8541]

This and everyone who agrees with guy are complete purposeful idiots!! Didn't your parents ever punish you?? If they loved you they would. Maybe the Bible should say more about Hell but you people would still ignore!! Wake up !!

[grozde]

@bambam8541

So, your parents would punish you for a SINGLE disobedience with ETERNAL punishment???

And they wouldn't just PUNISH you, but would also TORTURE you???

Nice family you have!...

[bambam8541]

Its your choice - Heaven or Hell, he tells you all the rules, and he created us so he is the boss. He just holds you accountable for your actions.

What single disobedience are you referring to?

It is a great family, hope to see you at the reunion.

[grozde]

@bambam8541

Once again - he's just and bossy - but not loving and caring!

is there ANYTHING that you might do that your parents would KILL you for? And torture you forever???!!!

[kalsolarUK]

correction - he died for 3 days...and then sent himself back to heaven to be with himself again in eternal bliss. I'm not impressed by this kind of nonsense sacrifice...oh incidentally, none of it happened anyway as its ALL fiction.

[bambam8541]

He didnt have to die at all but he chose to go through it all. If you cant control yourself for a few years on earth to an eternity in heaven then dont but thats the sarifice you have to make.

Call it fiction but that doesnt change anything, your not God

[kalsolarUK]

As I said in another of my videos...if (big if)this character died on the cross who says he felt a thing? I mean...surely the son of god could switch off the pain receptors and just act out the pain for the crowds? Surely its what people think you endured that counts, not whether you really did suffer or not. hmm?

[farkunow]

Christians will not understand you point.  If they could, they wouldn't be Christians in the first place!

[RealityGameWorld]

I think religion sould be take out of schools, i dont think churchs would not want science tort in churches, so why is religion tort in fcking schools.

a atheist world would be a better world without the dam dogma crap.

[aartvegan]

If the bible was written by an all loving god, well, there would be no nastiness in it.

[aartvegan]

Excellent.

[birdfish55]

What I wonder is,can any person who believes that God is good all the time and that the bible is perfect, justify this story?Im guessing most of them have never read it!The only reason I used to be a christian was becuase I didnt know about stories like this being in the bible,I think being a believer is based on reading some of the bible and not all of it!

[kalsolarUK]

Yes, the bible is quite an eye opener when you read the stuff thats not talked about in church - which is a hell of a lot of it! The excuses and explanations that the faithful give to for these stories are usually just laughable.

[birdfish55]

Nice pictures at the end there,haha!I remember being in Sunday school as a kid,I can just imagine the teacher showing that and then trying to explain that its the same God who sent Jesus to have the kiddies sit on his lap,haha!All I can say is,when I have kids they are not going to Sunday school.

[ExZSDXan]

funny and sencible =)) i don't ned to listen to him to know that thou :P

[gagnashdiak]

What is the song at the end?

[kalsolarUK]

teddy bears picnic

[Darkasthenight06]

I remember a picture from my children's bible of Abraham about to sacrifice Issac where Issac was smiling while his dad held the knife above him. Even at four years old I could sense there was something wrong there.

[TheSingTings]

That's too funny!!!

[D0TperiodD0T]

Well made funnier than I expected well thought out.

[Hollenthon2468]

This is absolutely hilarious. Your vids are awesome. Keep it up.

[Eldxale]

What a nice picnic.

[eKUNT1319]

hahahah..im 14 and athiest..my family is catholic but i disagree with many opinions that the church has..but nevermind that..i just wanted to say kudos ..your funny and right..your just fuckn good

[CrapsWithBears]

HAHAHAHA!!

[AtheistDiscGolfer]

what book/chapter is the david goliath story

[kalsolarUK]

1 Samuel, chapter 17 you'll find it there

[trick0171]

The bear picture is great!

[HonestDiscussioner]

HA! "Just look at the nice fucking pictures."

I would be willing to bet that the "watering down" is relatively new. I remember seeing "children's books" from the 1700's which had kids dying of varrioys horrible deaths like falling on an axe. The didn't fuck around back then.

If there kids said they didn't believe in God I'd bet you many parents would have had them killed.

On that note, I'd like to say I'm happy I live in now and not earlier in many respects.

[ToddAllenGates]

Five stars ... and I just have to echo the comment that many others have already made: I'd *love* to see you & Panman put together an alternative version of a Children's Bible---with a skeptic's version of using only select stories.

[kalsolarUK]

Thanks Todd - its an interesting suggestion about an alternative childrens bible. Problem is, the fundies might actually welcome such a thing as it might just help them put even more fear of god into their kids! lol.

[ToddGates]

> Problem is, the fundies might actually welcome such a thing as it might just help them put even more fear of god into their kids! lol.

Methinks you could add some "fundie repellent" to the text -- have Jesus say things like "How come there's no fucking figs on these twigs?!?!"

[mib2259]

It was the elephants I felt sorry for. I mean they're intelligent social animals. Can you imagine their terror as they climbed higher and higher, but the rain just kept coming? Finally, one by one drowning as the waters kept on rising. No pity for poor frightened animals from jehovah.

It makes me upset just to think of it and I know it's not true. I'm glad god doesn't exist and the stories are just stories. Any god capable of that deserves contempt, not worship.

But hey - good video.

[HappyApostate]

"Bloody internet, be the bloody ruin of this religion!" Loved it ! Please keep on shedding light on the brainwashing most of us have endured. It's early morning for me and your video just made my day. Thanks Kal, and keep them coming. BTW damn effective camera work and illustrations too.

[kalsolarUK]

Thanks, much appreciated. Should be some more stuff coming relatively soon.

[happyjesus123]

You should check out the children's Bible stories at TrueChristian D-o-t c-o-m. YouTube is into their don't post links crap again. God is going to be so pissed when he finds out YouTube has been fucking with links to his websites.

[kalsolarUK]

lmao....thanks for the info

[EdwardHowton]

Who'd have thought it? Dishonesty in the representation of religion. I'm positively shocked. Normally they're just dishonest about everything else. Guess there are no depths theyw on't sink to after all, much like the bodies of the billions of dead. I wonder, do you think that birds might've survived by perching on the floating corpses? Shelter and a free food supply, pretty convenient, no?

[oliesbw]

When you think about fairy tales and nursery rhymes they are mostly quite scary gross stories. you know the wolf ate Granma... the woodcutter chopped off the wolfs head with a big sharp axe. We tell the most horrendous tales to our kids. religious or not. and rarely are any illustrated to support this. But yeah, bible stories should be illustrated to depict the scenes they describe. would be so much fun!

[mknorman]

I think a cartoon of the Elisha story would work best. The scene starts 40 kids approach Elisha. Banter ensues. Elisha is laughing and teasing the kids, and vice versa. Things are going well. One of the tykes mentions Elisha's bald head. The other kids pick up on it.

Flashback to a young Elisha, being teased mercilessly by his peers. Elisha's expression freezes, and the smile slowly unwinds from his face....

Moral: Any grownup can go absolutely medieval on you at any time, you little snots!

[LeafInTheStream]

Of course, these stories are pretty much prettied up (or omitted) for adults too. How many churchgoers hear about that guy (forget his name) who offered up his daughters for rape, for example?

And now I'm going to have "The Teddy Bears Picnic" buzzing through my head for the next couple of hours, thanks to you. That's OK, actually: it's a solid tune.

[happyjesus123]

Lot from the story of Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19:8).

[hairyreasoner]

Remember! The story is one of God's mercy. He sent only 2 bears when he could have sent a fucking herd.

Great video, man. Just great.

[kalsolarUK]

You're right...I'm suddenly humbled - I'm always missing the obvious with these stories. lol.

[hairyreasoner]

It's all a matter of interpretation. lol

[Avatra1]

Awesome, the song in the end really added just that little special ingredients to the picture.

[iHillman]

awful intro the out of focused text always annoys me

[kalsolarUK]

It comes into focus and then goes out of focus as it disappears... not really sure what you're getting at. My next video will contain strobe lighting - lol.

[frecklestime]

If you wanted to read that kind of stories to kinds from any other book it would be child abuse, but it's bible so it's ok...

[moultriegadog]

Changing the story,that's how the world became dumb overnight..(Tell the whole story. Let the babies know they're potential victims too.)

[QualiaSoup]

Fantastic, as always, Kal. Made me laugh out loud.

Many a true word spoken in jest though - Like you, I find it distasteful to see the speedy veil drawn over the unjust and gruesomely varied death agonies of the countless humans and other animals killed in the bible.

'Cute atrocity' is a tough brief, and Panman38 almost pulled it off with that *wonderful* artwork.

Brilliant stuff! ;^>

[kalsolarUK]

thankyou kindly sir! I'm planning on getting another one up sometime next week.... I've got about 5 others planned in my head at the moment..its just finding the time to do them.

[agnosticman77]

Great illustrations too.

[Panman38]

Thanks agman.

[kalsolarUK]

that bears picture still cracks me up each time I see it. Who would have thought that brutality and cutesyness could be married together so well? lol.

[agnosticman77]

Great! Just awesome. Always entertaining as usual!

[kalsolarUK]

Thanks! I remember at school having to sing that noahs ark song - "the animals went in two by two hurrah, hurrah!" and having all the cutesy images in my head of the animals smiling as they boarded a cartoonish ark... a very lopsided vision of an horrendous story of mass death and carnage.

[dreamy2]

Bible is for the distorted minds

[jamesmaybrick2001]

Very nice.:)

I would like to see a picture of the millions of tonnes of rotting biological matter scattered over the world after the flood had abated.

I wonder how long it would have taken the two carrion flies and the two vultures to replaced their numbers enough to deal with all the worlds animals carcasses?

[dreamy2]

hahahahahaa, fun!

[Solarees]

loved it!

[Paxmax]

PWHAhahahaa!!!! *in tears*

Savagely fun!

[shoyhoy]

As a children's book illustrator I am always being asked by publishers to tone down the bloodier aspects of fairy tales etc. It was only recently I discovered that Noah got pissed after the flood, I was never taught that in Sunday School! As I recall from my kid's bible, Jesus was blond haired and blue eyed and his only 'Jewish' deciple was Judas....Hmm, funny that :P Great vid as always!

[kalsolarUK]

Yes....funnily enough I was only thinking the other day that the only disciple of jesus with a jewish sounding name was indeed Judas...the others mainly had roman sounding names.

[Panman38]

I always thought it was a huge coincidence that Jesus looks like a 12th century Frenchman, and that most of our depictions of him come from 12th century France.

[ticobassie]

I haven't laughed so hard for a long time. I think the illustrator did an excellent job and I hope you two could do more stuff together.

[hethuszar01]

Hi,

Hilarious as always. Too bad that not all children are like Jimy. But if the parents start brainwashing them in such an early age... We need to preserve you for future use in some way :-)

Cheers,

Zsolt

[sheepwshotguns]

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

xD

[DblOSmith]

I never heard the stories of bears eating people, that's a new one to me.

[Misterb0z]

2nd Kings 2:23-24

Don't you just love the Skeptic's Annotated Bible?

[Darwinsgift]

After a short think, my children's bible never showed Noah pissed either, or Moses stoning a stick gatherer, or chopping up a woman who was raped to death .... Thinking about it there could be a market for a bible like this!

Great Vid!

[Panman38]

There's also a story in genesis where Lots' daughters take turns raping him.

I imagine that one would be difficult to explain to the kids.

[kalsolarUK]

lol - funnily enough I did a video on the stick gatherer about a year or so ago... whenever I need reminding how ridiculous religion is I just recall that story.

[OccamKant]

Great vid, Kal.

One little detail I'd like to point out - We don't know how many children mocked elisha - it just said that 42 of the children got killed. There may have been many more - though of course why a roving band of 100 children should be wandering around mocking people is another question.

[Panman38]

lol I guess they didn't have playstation back then, what else was there for kids to do?

[Denamic]

I like pitting myself up against night impossible challenges sometimes too. Like beating the final boss with only starting equipment in games, or trying to convince a creationist that the grand canyon wasn't created in about 5 minutes.

That aside, I demand you make more videos, you filthy heretic!

[WineisyourFriend]

Brilliant as always, Kal. Keep the faith! :o)

By they way....have you been vote bot attacked yet? I haven't either! What the hell?! We're both fucking awesome and anti religion...isn't that all it takes? Where's the love...and new subscribers resulting from the controversy? Seriously!

[kalsolarUK]

don't temp fate! then again...bring it on! As you say its done far more good than bad so far! lol.

[Panman38]

Very nicely done Kal, I'm glad I took part in this.

I feel sorry for the kids raised on this.

[IRONMANAustralia]

Yeah, sorry Kal, the Jehovah's Witnesses have pictures of men drowning outside the ark too, (in their kid-oriented 'Bible Stories' publication no less).

It's a major facet of the story, how Noah was mocked for his '100% chance of precipitation' prediction, (they believe it never rained before the flood - so it's like me claiming that lego bricks will fall from the sky or something), and how it was too late to plead for forgiveness and passage when they were up to their armpits in the deluge.

[kalsolarUK]

lol, I like the analogy - perfect! I think my video refers mainly to the way the moderates present these stories to children. The more fear-based fundy side is no doubt more likey to use fear inducing images.

[daveheet]

Kal!!! DUDE I was thinking about you yesterday and wondered why I hadn't seen any new videos from you. Its good to see you again. Your video was very good. These are actually things I have come to think about as well. If you think about it, most of the stuff in the Bible is pretty horrible in its entirety, and thus not suitable for kids, both because it's graphic and because it causes so much illogical confusion, etc....

[adamabra8]

Lmao, that artwork is worthy of some kind of religious publicity. Perhaps you and Panman could collab and make a Derranged Childrens Bible

[kalsolarUK]

a weirdly intriguing notion you have there!

[farvision]

Consider this comment to be a firm request for you and Panman38 o publish the Noah, David and Elisha stories with full illustrations as you have shown in this video - as a "children's" book. My bet is you will make a big splash.

[kalsolarUK]

I'm sure the fundies would love a book illustrated that way...afterall their evangelistic god fearing approach to their religion would welcome it. I think the moderates would perhaps prefer to stick to the more child friendly - nicer elements of the story.

[StompinDino]

I used to love the story of David & Goliath...never knew about that ending though xD

[kalsolarUK]

yes, its a bloodier and more brutal end to Goliath than most kids know about. I think he cuts it off then holds it up like some kind of trophy (like in the pic...but less cute - lol)

[AceOfSevens]

I grew up in a Pentacostal church and we certainly did get pictures of drowning heathens and Goliath with his head off. Not so much the bears.

[Panman38]

When I was a kid I had a illustrated version of the Noah story that completely left out the part where every human and animal that wasn't on the boat is drowned.

I honestly thought all Noah did was take the animals out for a spin in his new boat for a few days.

[kalsolarUK]

lol, yep - I think thats largely how the noah story is used in a commercial sense...I've seen cutesy murels of noahs ark in schools and have even been on a cutesy fun fair ride based on it. I'm guess that the creation museum probably depicts in a far less attractive manner.

[bradley364]

Whats that chart of in the background?

[kalsolarUK]

its a chart of british kings and queens down the ages.

[Green4321]

I was going to say that you are really twisted, but it's the Bible that's really twisted.  You didn't even get to the New Testament to mention: Harod killing all the boy babies ib Bethlehem. Or the crusifiction. Or John the Baptist getting beheaded. Or Steven getting stoned to death. Or Judas hanging himself with his bowells gushing out. Need I go on???

[Green4321]

[Next time I promise to use spell check]

[kalsolarUK]

thanks...and eyem pleezed too here it! lol.

[AbbeyNormal]

I found an explanation of that "Elisha and the bears" story that tries to justify it by saying the boys were really adults and they were mocking god, not Elisha's head, and they were Baal worshipers, too. So that totally justifies sending bears to tear a bunch of them apart. Well, when you put it that way...

[kalsolarUK]

yes, I've heard that but its a very lame explanation and you really do have to be a believer to buy into it.

[AbbeyNormal]

Yeah, and even if I did believe it I'd still be aghast at the idea of killing 42 people because they jeer at you.

BTW, the artwork for this was great!

[ogami72]

The sad thing is, I bet you could find somebody willing to publish a kids version of that story using those illustrations,and not even in a sarcastic way. Or at least stick them in a Sunday school coloring book...

[kalsolarUK]

"...Or at least stick them in a Sunday school coloring book..."

They'd need lots of red crayons, lol.

[Atheeizm]

Its been a while mate.

[jbrowsingj]

It's been a white male.

[CousinoMacul]

Hey! 2 Kings 2:23-24 is the best bible verse EVAR! :-) :-) :-)

I'd like to see the children's illustration of the Passover from Exodus (where the angel of death kills the first born of every Egyptian household).

*****

[kalsolarUK]

lol, yes...I'm sure that would look equally delighful in cutesy form.

[AlmightyAtheismo]

♪ Today's the day the Teddy Bears have their piiiiiiicnic ♪

LOL

[metalorg]

Good job on the drawings. They do the same censored versions of Greek Mythology and fairytales. I suppose that's your point, we are the kind of society that shields our kids from stuff like that. Is that your point? Or was it that the Bible really is a bloody violent book? Now I've forgotten what point I was trying to make.

[kalsolarUK]

My main point really is to do with how these horendous stories are often made into "cutesy" exciting child friendly slices of the bible.

[Saukko31]

I'm not 100% sure but, I do remember seeing Noah cartoon on TV, long time ago, and yes, they did show people drowning.

And if they flag this video, oh the irony. :)

[kalsolarUK]

Disney made an animated version of it...no drowning people in it suprisingly enough, lol.

[Saukko31]

No, it definitely wasn't Disney. :)

[TheCeejPlus]

That's just darkly humorous.

[krayzewolf]

HA! HA! Nice. The bears looked so happy. ;-)

[VivoVitamBonam]

The children's Bible that I grew up with did have people drowning, and it might have had the decapitated head of Goliath's. The bear story was left out, but my children's Bible didn't leave much out.

It might explain a few things about me, come to think of it.

[kalsolarUK]

I suppose I'm refering to the books that contain the more cutesy type of images where the story of the ark is seen as some kind of wonderful sea adventure with a big boat full of animals. I'm guessing the pictures in your book were slightly more grown up in style??

[VivoVitamBonam]

Somewhat, but the targeted audience was children. There were six pictures to a page, and only a sentence or two under each picture, directly from the "grown up" version of the Bible, telling the story. It even had Noah getting drunk and the incest of Lot and his daughters. What's odd/frightening is that that didn't bother me, but the illustrations of Samson setting the foxes' tails on fire did.

[kalsolarUK]

damn...that sounds a truely frightening publication! the pics in this video sound made for it, lol.

[Panman38]

Sounds pretty messed up. I tried to find images of the drowning scene before I drew the Noahs Ark pics, but all I found were cutesy illustrations of all the animals on the ark.

For some reason they chose to leave out the part where the entire population of the planet dies a watery death.

[VivoVitamBonam]

I know the book is in my room somewhere. Under how much stuff is another issue. If I ever find it, I'll probably scan the more disturbing-to-a-four-year-old pictures and showcase them. I'm sure it will be a total let-down, as these types of things tend to ferment in one's memory.

[Scheckig]

Worth the wait.

[Danmill23]

Bible tree friends!

[CheezMonsterCrazy]

You should make a children's book like that, and Panman can illustrate it. XD

[LatinYoung20]

excellent! As always!

[RadarKat73080]

Jesus! Noah's eyes are fucking huge! I'm gonna have nightmares! My kids' Bible story book does have animals and people drowning.

[kalsolarUK]

It does? wow...the publishers must have known I was going to make this video, lol.

[RadarKat73080]

Oh yeah! My ex-wife wanted me to read it to our daughter! Poor kid!

[qwertyuiop726]

Hey, you got yourself an intro clip!

Love the pictures.

[kalsolarUK]

Thanks, I think he did a great job of those pictures, the last one is wickedly brilliant.