Escaping forced marriage

[saeefa]

such disgraceful asian parents and they say white culture is fucked up

[LawsLesProductions]

yep i read book

[K1NGKSA]

Is this the woman that wrote the book 'shame'?

[g31n3z3w5k1]

Potius mori quam foedare semper fidelis

[sophiabyrne22]

@g31n3z3w5k1 thats latin right? but what does it mean? x

[g31n3z3w5k1]

@sophiabyrne22

It means death before dishonor always faithfull, reason behind why her sister did what she did

[sophiabyrne22]

@g31n3z3w5k1 ah right, thank you x

[pattyrodriguez2]

What I really think is that these parents should be taken to the police station for questioning. They are breaking the law at least and harrassing their own children. This ought to destroy "their reputation" which they continuously mistake for honour.

[ibidydo]

sikh? i thought it was islam who did that

[Pakmarriages]

PAKMARRIAGES dotCOM IS A CHARITY THAT OFFERS HELP AND ADVICE TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE ARRANGED, FORCED, OWN CHOICE AND ABUSIVE MARRIAGES OF MUSLIMS (AND NON MUSLIMS) LIVING IN THE WEST WITH PAKISTANI’S.

[GameOvai5]

The fact is, 90% of forced marriages are put together by women. In that area of the world and my family is from that area, the men don't say anything in the matter of marriage (it's generally considered a feminine thing). It is the mothers, aunties and other females who generally treat their children like items and marry them off without their consent. It's completely wrong, no religion, culture or society should EVER turn a blind eye to it.

[moorejr1400]

@GameOvai5

[pattyrodriguez2]

@GameOvai5 Even in those 90 % of cases of forced marriages, the men in those families have a duty of "honour" by opposing this practice. But by keeping silent or quiet, they are just consenting and supporting such actions too. So both parents are to blame.

[crystal09430]

i read her book just recently and she is really brave for what she did but personally i think she should have stayed with her first boyfriend because he gave up alot of things for her

But i am glad she is helping young women out we need to make this issue more aware

[xizzyroannex]

@crystal09430 If you don't love somebody, you don't love somebody.

[crystal09430]

i read her book just recently and she is really brave for what she did but personally i think she should have stayed with her first boyfriend because he gave up alot of things for her

[r1ckySV]

i read this womans book....she met the best man in the world but fucked him about!!!!! she messed it all up becuz she just a slapper!!!!

i knw people who been thru worst!!!!!

[madawimadara]

I will teach you how to date a romantic girls

[myspanisheyes]

hey jasvinder..ive read ur book, its truely inspiring for us young womens to fight againest injustic,discrimination, false judgements laid on us by our own ppl. all the very best for ur future...Greetings frm chandigarh,india

[buttercup5773]

WOW...Amazing story, Kudos to her, I'd run away too. It took a lot of courage to leave her family, but I guess she had to do what she had to do...So sorry to hear about her sister. heartbreaking. Will try to get a copy of the book. Authorities should be forced to take action, I mean this is happening to young women born in Britain, the parents are from Asian countries, but they live in Britain so they should follow the law there or FORCED to follow British law!!!!

[EliManningFan896]

Forced Marriage(or Arranged Marriage same thing) i think is the most foulest thing in the entire world. The parents of these children are just sick and fucked up. Now i'm just a mexican-american who became aware of this practice through a mexican soap-opera show that my godmother used to watch called Amor Real. And i just felt bad for the girl who went through this in the show. When i looked it up, i was shocked to find out how many countries still continue this horrific practice. Still shocked.

[pattyrodriguez2]

@EliManningFan896 There is a big difference between arranged and forced marriages. I am not against arranged marriages cos they only happen with both parties full consent, in some or many cases both parties have some time to get to know each other. Forced marriages are not only rape arranged by your parents and any family member who knows this but does nothing but it is also illegal by any religion and society (or should be).

[EliManningFan896]

@pattyrodriguez2 Oh.... But you get what i'm trying to say. But the idea of family members marrying other relatives just sickens me to the core!

[JeanySullivan]

This is so horrible, and I hate people who tell me to be tolerant "because that's their culture". It's against human rights and it's disgusting. We need more shelters for the girls and women in danger.

[sachin01663]

I am reading the book 'Shame' and its really a shame that the families who moved here in 50s or 60 did not change at all even after spending half of their lives in western culture. There minds and thinking are still narrow. Infact, in India, the origin of these cultures have changed so much that in most of the families, love marriages are not at all an issue.

[mavishill]

With all due respect this doesn't represent the modern India.. but some families still live in old times and are just messed up.

[2009davy]

family values is bullshit there just scared of being made outcast with there people. they should think where they are and were there children go to school in britain not india or pakistan. and this still goes on now

[shaqdaddy11]

these people shouldnt be called parents. They are animals.

[tabzgil786]

...just absurd! Forced marriages and honour-based voilence etc are wrong but people need to understand, evaluate and analyse the culture, religious influences and communities that the victims are raised in before coming up with illiterate, uneducated, poorly thought out responses to the issues raised in Sanghera's encapsulating novels. Thank You.

[tabzgil786]

...occurs in all churches. I think that people are simply stereotyping and misinterpreting things and not thinking before they speak. Yes, it is true that honour-based voilence, honour killings and forced marriages occur in South Asian communities and yes, it is true that - because the marriage was not consentful - the sex within the marriage can often not be consentful (rape) but this doesn't need to result in people falsely accusing many Muslim men raping their daughters because that is...

[tabzgil786]

...it occurs. Secondly, I am shocked by some of the comments below specifically by H1MLA about parents "especially Muslims" raping their children in their homes. This DOES NOT HAPPEN and if it does, it is simply the heap of cases in which fathers rape their daughters, something that has occurred among ALL raises in ALL backgrounds, not jus South Asian Muslims. And the comments about priests raping children in the church, these are simply unique cases and cannot be declared as something that...

[tabzgil786]

...(and I cannot speak on behalf of Hinduism or Sikhism) is that in Islam fornication - sex outside of marriage - is forbidden and so if the subject has a bf/gf, they are going against that holy doctrine of Islam. This is why parents get them forcibly married so that if they want to be with someone and have sex, they can do that in a manner that is sanctified in their religion and not sinful or religiously unlawful. I am not advocating forced marriages merely defining one of the reasons why...

[tabzgil786]

Firstly i'd just like to clarify things a little. It is true that in no religion, neither Islam, Hinduism or Sikhism does it permit forced marriages, honour killings or honour-based voilence such as rape and domestic abuse. However, one of the main reasons for forced marriages occurring is when the subject has obtained a boyfriend/girlfriend. Westerners perceive this as absurd and question why something that is so normal to them is persecuted within South Asian culture. The reason is...

[pattyrodriguez2]

@tabzgil786 What you are saying is stupid. 1st, if someone has sex before/outside marriage it is already a sin commited. 2nd forcing them to marry is yet another sin which will not set right the 1st, marriage should have the full consent (not forced in any way) for it to be valid/legal. 3rd, if people want to sin, if you force them to marry it is not going to resolve the problem, most likely it is easier for anyone to have sex outside marriage if they want to, they'll just keep it secret.

[pattyrodriguez2]

@tabzgil786 BTW, those are very few cases in which parents force their children to marry. Most likely is because it has been arranged without their sons and/or daughters consent or knowledge (ie, rape arranged by parents)

[chickenpoper]

she looks nothing like the photographs...in the photos she looks indian but in real life time she looks like any american...how is that possible?

[H1MLA]

@chickenpoper She's not America, she's BRITISH and a victim of the barbaric Asian religeous culture of FORCED MARRIAGES & HONOUR KILLINGS.

[CobinRain]

Her mother killed her sister. Of course she did. And lets remember what is meant by "honour" here; little girls are owned by their fathers; they can "sell" them into marriage. British girls are sold in this way because there are people in Pakistan with a son and they want to "buy" him a passport. These people are more devious and more strange than we Europeans can even imagine. But this girl is right. When was the last Asian/African family in the UK prosecuted over female circumcision? Ever?

[gaga4ladigaga]

currently reading daughters of shame.

she is such an inspirational woman

:-)

[krazydaku]

stupid slag british bitch disgrace bet she cant speak punjabi ahah hoe

[H1MLA]

@krazydaku No, its you who's a disgrace, with your barbaric sick culture of honour killings, muslim suicide bombings and forced marriages. If anything, this girl is a true BRITISH angel, standing up against Asian fascist culture ideals.

[krazydaku]

@H1MLA firstly i ain muslim dum ass and look at ur culture first before u critisize ours ur callin us facist ur ppl did tht slave shit and colonized all the countries and also barbaric? i dont see no asians rapin lil kids n church

[H1MLA]

@krazydaku Please, learn to spell & write English in its correct form, as your command of the written language is a disgrace to our culture. Moving on, er Asian (muslims in particular) prefer to rape and kill their kids behind closed doors, hence you don't hear too many cases of them raping their kids in Muslim, Sikh or Hindus placese of worship. For the record, we no longer enslave Blacks or colonisw them any more. But Asians still practise forced marriages & honour killings, FACT!

[krazydaku]

@H1MLA firstly we dont use our places of worship to commit crimes but clearly ur ppl do examples r all the kids who get raped in chruch by the priest and also what u saying they rape there kids behind closed doors??? we ain dirty people like you and why r u interfeering with this this is a south asian matter

[H1MLA]

@krazydaku Can please learn to spell & write English in a clear & concise manner, as it is hard trying to understand your barely literate rantings. No, this is NOT a south Asian matter, its a human right & British citizens matter. Fair enough if you insist on carrying out your barbaric honour killings, incestous arranged marriages and racist heritage in Pakistan & other islamic failed states in the world. But when you do these evil deeds on British soil, we have EVERY right to voice our views.

[pattyrodriguez2]

@krazydaku OMG! You are not saying it is just as vile but because a few priests abused children then no one should say anything about what goes on in South Asia??? What century are you from? Whether raped in church or behind closed doors, RAPE IS RAPE!!! actually, if you insist, forced marriages are rape blessed by Mullahs or whoever performs the ceremony. Yours is the worst excuse ever!!! Like H1MLA said specially of British Soil and British citizens "we have every right to voice our views"

[pattyrodriguez2]

@krazydaku We don't need to hear of the colonization that our fathers or grandfathers did. It's a well known fact and we don't choose who our fathers are. we are trying to move on and recognise that what they did was also abominable so please don't change the subject. Forced marriages are rape but you are still defending it with other atrocities. Shame on you!! Be a man and own up to what your people do instead of making excuses for them!!

[pattyrodriguez2]

@krazydaku If she doesn't it's because she grew up here. Thank God she has the support of the British gov. By the way, there is nothing honourable in the way you express yourself about her. Am I to suppose this is very "honourable" in your culture?? You speak like a dog, but a dog has the excuse of being born an animal.

[pattyrodriguez2]

@krazydaku BTW she doesn't need your respect, I mean who needs respect from a dog. She has the full respect and admiration of the UK. It is what counts more for her, I say good on her too!!!

[krazydaku]

@pattyrodriguez2 suk off all uk punjabiz r pussys

[Jababer9]

IT IS HAPPEN RIGHT HERE IN CANADA I WOULD LIKE FOR YOU TO COME TO CANADA OR START A MOVEMENT TO HELP THESE WOMEN................ I AM A MAN i HAVE LOST ONE OF MY FRIENDS BECAUSE OF FAMILY HONOR, SHE WAS JUST A FRIEND A GOOD FRIEND NEVER WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP OR MESSING AROUND, HER FAMILY JUST ASSUME THAT SHE WAS TOO CLOSE WITH A BLACK MAN SO HER FATHER AND BROTHER RAPE HER SEND HER BACK TO PAKISTAN NOW SHE IS DEAD (RIP SANDEEP)

[H1MLA]

@Jababer9 In the UK, the Asians do the same. Asians girls are murdered on sight for dating Black English/British men or even White British/English men. As for Honour killings, hmmmm, the number of victims in the UK runs into thousands....and that's just the ones we know of.

[MysteryUpgrade]

This is absolutely disgusting. Marriage is about finding the person you love, religion or no religion, and staying with them forever. To shove your daughter over to some man she doesn't even know is just plain wrong. Of course, in today's society, many people abuse that.

[stp428]

Hindus, not Muslims people....... it's the indian culture that influenced the Pakistani followers

[H1MLA]

@stp428 Rubbish, its done by muslims, indians and most Asians. Islamic followers are the worst offenders. Hindus & Sikhs are slowing changing, but NOT muslim asians.

[pattyrodriguez2]

@stp428 Actually, Pakistan (and therefore Pakistanis) were once all Hindus because they were all part of the same religion. Then along came the moghuls and some converted to Islam. Pakistan is over 90% muslim. So what is still prevalent is the culture, whether its Pakistani or India. Appologies if I am incorrect, I am no expert.

[sophiabyrne22]

@pattyrodriguez2 i'm confused, i thought pakistan was only made in the last 50 or so years? so wasnt it hindus in india, when the moghuls came?

[24Ammouna]

i feel sorry for those who were killed in the name of honor and to those who r being tortured by their husbands!!! :(:(

[sajmeister]

what a woman, have so much respect for her and the work she is doing!!

[shkoder123]

They need to open a shelter to support this girls who felt rapped in their own homes

[trigga1uk]

can anyone give me a figure on how much money the British taxpayer has spent in the last 30 years on dealing with problems of immigrant cultures who cannot intergrate. All of these programmes desperately try to gain support or educate the British public, to be honest they are probably some of the most effective right wing propoganda you can find - unintentionally of course. Im sure the BNP love it.

[BOLSHEVIXTREME]

@trigga1uk thats why when people come to the country, they shouldn't segragate themselves

that's the only flaw of multiculturalism

if they integrate with the rest of society

[trigga1uk]

well thats the fatal flaw, its dosent work. Especially with people of such a foreign culture to our own. I think the multicultural age is coming to an end and hopefully being replaced with common sense.

[BOLSHEVIXTREME]

@trigga1uk the idea of socialism is to unite people within a country and persuading them to intregrate with the rest of society

that was the main idea of multiculturalism

it's the odd few people who cause this rift in a multicultural society not the culture itself

Diversity is the key to the success of multiculturalism

a culture can intregrate into society when the people of a culture allow it to

[trigga1uk]

you are just regurjitating liberal phrases. 'diversity is the key to multiculturalism', diversity is a liberal construct that is ultimately against international diversity. Should every nation become a blend of every other nation. Or is it just insecure western nations who are too scared to stand up for their own culture. In a few years terms like diversity will be forgotten about.

[2563176]

this is very much true what happen to these young girls is terriable those men of the family are no human what so ever they are devil's childern. Killing and geeting your duaghters married by forced is equal to selling her and you poepl call yourself religious, well you people are you are no less the devil himself. in the name of religious and culture you are cimmting crime and god will never forgive you people you all will go to hell and not heaven for killing and forcing girls into marriage

[Prihar]

white dont care they just look at sikhs like some outer space group that is so different than them , look at us with superiority ideas of course this is not everyone but dont believe some fake smile or fake conversations of understanding from random whites, they see in us what they want to believe so that makes them better, sikhs should be looking out for sikhs, and the problem is they do not, christians back eachother up ib abusive circumstances, sikhs look upon other sikh families with scorn

[BOLSHEVIXTREME]

it was for that reason why i never asked her out even though i did tell her how i felt

she told me she wasnt allowed to date me or marry me because i was a christian

[BOLSHEVIXTREME]

i once feel in love with a beautiful muslim girl but i knew her dad would kill us both if we got together

while i wasnt bothered about what would happen to me, i loved the girl so much i didnt want anything bad to happen to her

[DJFearRoss]

@BOLSHEVIXTREME good, you submitted to Islam. Strike fear into the heart of the non-believer.

[BOLSHEVIXTREME]

er no i didnt submit to islam

i have no idea where you got that idea from but i didnt say that at all

[DJFearRoss]

@BOLSHEVIXTREME you just said you gave into your fear of Islam.

[BOLSHEVIXTREME]

no i just didnt want her to get hurt

[DJFearRoss]

exactly, you gave in to the fear of Islam

[pattyrodriguez2]

@DJFearRoss IDIOT! BOLSHEVIXTREME just said he loved her so much and my understanding is they didn't get together because her father would kill her. So he cared for her so much that he let her go. It seems there is more Islam in us when we uphold basic human rights than when you do or allow forced marriages or homour killing. Don't you think?

[DJFearRoss1]

@pattyrodriguez2 Read it stupid. "i knew her dad would kill us both".... idiot.

[pattyrodriguez2]

@DJFearRoss1" while i wasnt bothered about what would happen to me, i loved the girl so much i didnt want anything bad to happen to her" These are his words. What I understand is he didn't care what happened to him but he cared about her. Now, who is the STUPID here? lol

[BOLSHEVIXTREME]

well done on winning your award

im surrprised you didnt win 1 earlier

[graceinmay]

this is so sad.... i knew a dear Muslim woman who was forced into a marriage with a cruel, loveless, uncaring man. to divorce is seen as shameful and is in actuality rarely an option, so many of these women do kill themselves, seeing death as preferable to continuing to live with men who hate them and treat them like dirt. i am glad to see these women living free and out of the shadow of forced marriages- they are brave and selfless to tell their stories, and help others.

[avtar68]

very good story

[rumneet]

I thought her book was amazing, its a must read!

[EliManningFan896]

When i was visiting Ireland (the land of which my last name came from:McCarthy) while i was at the Airport in Dublin me and my mom went to the bookstore and begged my mom to buy me Jasvinder's book Daughters of Shame and immediately started reading it. I literally couldn't put it down. It's very gripping and intense. I really admire Jasvinder for what she's doing and i commend her. The book is truely amazing.

[sanarani66]

I am reading her book named shame..(in which she tells about her whole life) ITS A VERYYYYYYY GOOD BOOK...i am deeply touch by her and her book..I am now on chapter 16 in just 2 days...still reading it...love it....

[fmand33]

There are a lot of men who also get forced to get married, usually men get forced under pressure, emotional blackmail from the mother, under constant duress and coersion. Unlike women its not Physical force but mental force . Most ment find it hard to speak about it and suffer in silence becuase its not manly to admit you been forced by the women in your family.

[pattyrodriguez2]

@fmand33 I think that too needs to change. Men will not get as hard a time as women if they chose to have something on the side. Also, these women had the courage to leave and live their own lives so why can't a man? A man is in a slightly better position to refuse or get out of this situation. Though I'm not saying it's easy.

[purplerabbit458]

This was very touching. The abuse is not necessary nor relevant for the culture to exist. Unfortunately some of these practices are so depply engraved.

[Nerudah]

my girlfriend, who was 17 when i met here, was going to be forced into a marriage too. last year, she ran away from her family too. she wants her independence quite alot, because she still doesn't want to live with me and i respect that now(took me a while tho') every moment is precious and after a (mentally) very hard year thing are looking up for her now. there always is the fear in the back of my mind that they might kidknap her but i'd fly straightaway to punjab, should i'd be..

[hkhanchicago]

dumb indian,pakistani, afghanis, and bengalis do this. wake up and smell the chai! its 2009!

[BOLSHEVIXTREME]

RIGHTS FOR ASIAN WOMEN!

[combatwombatTV]

Wow, you have great courage. Ongoing organised hatred of women in the name of "ethnicity" or "culture" happens here in Australia too. It must be stopped.

[Shivkibhagat]

but parents are parents and some cant help MY COMMENT CONTINUED____help the way they think. My parents are very civilized and would never make me do anything that I wouldn't want to do. Good Luck to all my Indian sisters/ and other women in this tough situations. Be strong and keep your head up-your mom and dad will get over it!

[Shivkibhagat]

JAS-

You are very brave! My dad and I were speaking of arranged marriages yesterday and he is very set in his ways about it-I am of Indian descent and I know my parents would love for me to be arranged-although I am in love with an African American man and we have a child together...

[gadgieschate]

43 year old white father of 4 speaking and I want to admit that i had racist views before lifting up shame. Reading this book has changed me and I now see behind the newspaper headlines. Thanks for writing this book Jasvinder.

[BOLSHEVIXTREME]

these asian girls have a right to date and marry who touches their hearts

not forced into marrying someone to "uphold the family honour"

those parents are the worst parents ive ever heard about it

[ampykaur]

Thank you Jas -xxx

[mbb05jb]

multicultural britain at its finest! does womens rights only apply to white women in this country?

[BOLSHEVIXTREME]

STOP FORCED MARRIAGE

[beba0447]

encouraging, some day hopely soon ya ladys will overcome. education is the name of the game. information empowers

[Idude893]

Keep on fighting, girl.

[noonco]

Amazing video. Thanks for making it.

[BOLSHEVIXTREME]

dont know why jasvinders mother was so sad

it was her own stupid fault for forcing her daughter to marry an abusive man

[shiakurri]

ive read both books and i am now going to go onto to become a counsellor and help the lives of these young lost women....jasvinder has really inspired me and also i hope that poeple can understand the fact that honour killings is to do with culture and not islam or any other religious beliefs.

[9thprotocol]

I agree a forced marriage is abit bizarre but it's better than the emacipated free for all that plagues western women..they cheat..they throw their asses around..they don't even know the father of their children...watch the Maury show and see....the answer is bring back family values and decency

[xjs6]

"a bit bizarre" that's putting it mildly. You can't "bring back family values" you can only lead by example and a "forced marriage" is by definition authorising the rape of one's daughter. "Decency" - don't make me laugh!!

[8sakuraleaf9]

@xjs6 This may be the best comment I have yet read about this topic. Especially the rape part. In short your parents get together to arrange your rape. It is horrible.

[willbxtn]

You clearly have very little exposure to western women outside of a few, select, council estates. This, however, is irrelevant - whether or not adult women choose to act as you say is their choice, no that of their family.

Force marriage is an idea that I have seen afflict several close friends of mine - some were lucky and, with help from myself and others, either escape or talk their parents out of it. Others were not.

[ninanwk69]

lol

[mardarchord1]

At 2:35 when she is hunched over and talking, her body language is like mankind in the WWE all hunched over and shit

[DeviantKing]

You think that children forced to marry against their will is better than the women in western culture... RIGHT bring on THOSE morals I will definately support them >.> haha fucking fool.

[chrisb271]

ha ha so so funny about the western girls throwing their asses about,most asian men have eyes like bloody saucers when they do !

and strange how eastern men are always oggling western girls if they have such high family values !!!

Bullshit,complete Bullshit

[swhiz]

9thprotocol you ignorant fool

[innerdarkness1991]

you can judge all women who live in the western world like you see on the TV, the reason they are on murry is because it is shocking to people including women in the UK.

[SASMOUNTAINTROOPER]

"They" ?

Speak four those you know about for a fact, you ignorrant moron. What do you know about every Western marraige ? Not enough to make a comment like that.

As for Maury...

The Maury show is only going to show bad marriages, that's what gets them views.

Who wants to sit and watch a happily married couple, with no arguments or dirty secrets ?

Get some facts about all married couples in the West, before you paint us all with the same brush.

Do that for me please, nice one ;)

[ilikechilli08]

'Biazarre'? It should be a criminal offense. Keep your racist clap trap about 'western women' to yourself.