I don't even know if I'm bipolar yet but I carry A LOT Of the symptoms. Also I feel the same way when it comes to terrible thoughts of death. For me when I try to go to sleep I think of the scariest things hapenning so I feel as if I have to stay awake but I just WANT to sleep just fall asleep and not be aware of myself so I can get rid of those thoughts. It's fricken terrible. But i might need to get checked.
You have said everything that I feel exactly, because I am Bipolar. I thank you so much for showing this, because I have lost quite a few friends because of this and then some. I knew I wasn't the only one of course, but I'm glad that someone is expressing that what we go through. So again, Thank You!
Yes to Skinny Puppy win win! What's the second track? I have EXACTLY the same mixed states that you descibe! the only thing that kind of controls it is zyprexa... without it.. things are really bad... there's no let up unless i can get to sleep or drink too much!. Cool video and hope you are having good days these days. Cheers. Rob.
I've had EXACTLY the first type of mixed episode for over 6 months. I hated myself for feeling like an asshole (b/c of the rapid negative thoughts). I eventually had to be hospitalized for Psychosis and suicide rehearsal. The agitation and misery of a mixed episode is unreal!
@marandalivesinrain You're welcome. I feel for anyone experiencing mixed of episodes. It is difficult enough explaining mania & depression alone, but mixed, forget about it. Mixed episodes are truly monsters that haunt & stalk. And it is impossible to describe them in words.
Yes, I see what you mean by letting the viewer to see what you feel like during Bipolar Mixed State. I couldn't run fast enough to illustrate my racing thoughts. I describe my Mixed State as a car wreck.
omg i cant believe this thank you so much for this, im so glad someone else in the world is experiencing the same thing. i wish i knew someone like you to talk to someone that understands. i wish u the best
@oye2a2000 It would help, I know, to have someone to talk to in person. I know they are out there! Just that most people aren't very open about their psychiatric conditions. Do you live near any where that has support groups? I'd go to one if I lived in a more populated area.
@oye2a2000 No it isn't the same, friends/peers play a whole different role than a therapist does. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. It is a sad, sad reality with this disorder, a great risk.
I have mixed states a lot. Feels really strange during those. I am asked my the Dr how I feel. And I tell them I have no idea who I feel. I feel gray, nutural. Hell, I do not know.
That's a good way of looking at it. I've had the mixed type where the energy/drive was up & the contentment/happpiness was absent/low. I've also had where I've had normal mania for a few days then depression for a few days over and over for months. Some call the entire episode a mixed episode and some say it fits the description of ultra rapid cycling. To me it felt like the whole thing was a single episode consisting of both mania & depression alternating rather than simultaneous, so mixed too.
I usually have those ultra rapid cycling episodes. I consider them to be one episode, and they last about 1 year for me.
I used to think it was many episodes, but after having a few of them it seems unlikely. They usually work on my circadian rhythm, and I'm depressed during the day and hypomanic when I should be sleeping. I feel like a hypochondriac when I talk about it, but I'm diagnosed, I've had genuine manic episodes, and I know what the episodes feel like. They're unmistakable.
I had the 3 days up 3 days down for most of the episode & towards the end it was exactly what you had, wake up depressed hypomanic/manic at night. My current psychiatrist labeled the whole episode mixed but in the past I had only had the mixed where the energy of mania is present but the thought processes were depressed.
I really like the creativity of this video! I do have to say that there may be a 3rd type of mixed state. These are the ones I have. Describing them is hard, but I am extremely agitated (banging my head against walls, etc. )and so depressed I want to kill myself. I experience this as an actual physical pain in my gut. At this time all I can think of is stabbing myself in the stomach to make it go away. The people I normally live for (my children) can't make me feel any better. I'm out of control
There just might be a bunch of different mixed states. They are so much more complicated and difficult to describe compared to mania and depression. What you describe seems to have more of a physical component than I experience. It sounds just as miserable and frustrating.
bipolar sucks ass....im also schizophrenic...yeah makes it even worse....but i couldnt imagine living life without it....i hate the lows and when i lock myself in a room thinkin my own wife is tryin to kill me(Schizo state)...but the highs are great....i decided about 4 years ago to stop taking meds and dealing with it myself....MUSIC, PEOPLE, BEER....those are my meds...all I need
I'm proud you learned new software!!! I was listening to Smothered Hope this very morning. I went to a concert of theirs when I was 16. This is a very good video. I too become preoccupied with mortality. Seroquel helped quiet that down thankfully.
You saw them! Cool! I was a "punk rocker" when I was a teen. I loved Skinny Puppy then, still do, still love all that music. I went through different types of punk but the last, and the longest, was what was then called "death rock". Similar to what is goth now.
I was a crazy wicked insane horrid b*tch while trying to make this video. I am shocked I figured it out. Now it is easy. I just had to catch my mood in the right place to work effectively on it.
You're very creative. But, I think most of us who suffer from bipolar ARE? However, we also admire creativity in others as well. My bipolar is compounded by fibro and CFS, it's hard to know where one starts and the other leaves off. The major problem is that I am often in too much physical pain to be 'creative' any longer, and THAT'S compounded by everlasting fatigue. I look hard for the 'light at the end of the tunnel', but it gets harder each day. Thanks for sharing this video.
TWelcome. Sometimes I am creative. Sometimes my mood is too off to be productive and creative - either no ideas or too many. When the mix is right, though, I enjoy the creative experience.
Amazing. I've put this in my favorites. Another well constructed video explaining the types of pain and thought patterns 'us lot' go through! Loving the Skinny Puppy track by the way!
Thanks. I can't tell what I went through making this. I was walking around town with my camera like a crazy person getting some of the footage. Then I had to order & learn new software. Was well worth it, though!
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im in a mixed state right now and somehow your video seems to calm me down. wait i need a "beer" to accompany on dis adventure.
greenalert08 3 months ago
im in a mixed state right now and somehow your video seems to calm me down. wait i need a bear to accompany on dis adventure.
greenalert08 3 months ago
I go to cry when im not sad then i breakout in laughter when theres nothing funny going threw my mind so im in a mixed state
jarlexel 3 months ago in playlist BIPOLAR DISORDER
Good song though...
caesarkreshen 4 months ago
I don't even know if I'm bipolar yet but I carry A LOT Of the symptoms. Also I feel the same way when it comes to terrible thoughts of death. For me when I try to go to sleep I think of the scariest things hapenning so I feel as if I have to stay awake but I just WANT to sleep just fall asleep and not be aware of myself so I can get rid of those thoughts. It's fricken terrible. But i might need to get checked.
MusikkIzMiLiffee 7 months ago
@MusikkIzMiLiffee Sounds like you might want to get checked, if anything to ease your mind. Hope you feel better soon.
PennyAnn25 7 months ago
You have said everything that I feel exactly, because I am Bipolar. I thank you so much for showing this, because I have lost quite a few friends because of this and then some. I knew I wasn't the only one of course, but I'm glad that someone is expressing that what we go through. So again, Thank You!
neheah 11 months ago 2
@neheah You are welcome! I miss being able to make the more creative videos. I know longer have the program to make them.
PennyAnn25 10 months ago
Thank you. I feel exactly how you expressed it, and I can barely handle it anymore. I have lost all my relationships due to this. Hope you are well.
LaMarchesa2010 11 months ago
@LaMarchesa2010 Things are so so. Hope things improve for you. Mixed states are the worst.
PennyAnn25 11 months ago
Yes to Skinny Puppy win win! What's the second track? I have EXACTLY the same mixed states that you descibe! the only thing that kind of controls it is zyprexa... without it.. things are really bad... there's no let up unless i can get to sleep or drink too much!. Cool video and hope you are having good days these days. Cheers. Rob.
rpower10 1 year ago
@rpower10 That would be a song called One More Safe by Mecca Normal. Probably the only song I really like by them.
PennyAnn25 11 months ago
@rpower10 Thanks. I tried Zyprexa a long time ago. Made me fat and sedated. Seroquel works better for me.
PennyAnn25 11 months ago
I've had EXACTLY the first type of mixed episode for over 6 months. I hated myself for feeling like an asshole (b/c of the rapid negative thoughts). I eventually had to be hospitalized for Psychosis and suicide rehearsal. The agitation and misery of a mixed episode is unreal!
zwerob 1 year ago
@zwerob That's a long time! I think my longest nonstop mixed was 3 months. I think it is much worse experience than plain mania or plain depression.
PennyAnn25 1 year ago
this is identical to my mixed state episodes. thank you.
marandalivesinrain 1 year ago
@marandalivesinrain You're welcome. I feel for anyone experiencing mixed of episodes. It is difficult enough explaining mania & depression alone, but mixed, forget about it. Mixed episodes are truly monsters that haunt & stalk. And it is impossible to describe them in words.
PennyAnn25 1 year ago
sorry I did'nt see you had already put it on.....doh
MrCartoonguy 1 year ago
I love that music what is it...I'll D/L it.
MrCartoonguy 1 year ago
Yes, I see what you mean by letting the viewer to see what you feel like during Bipolar Mixed State. I couldn't run fast enough to illustrate my racing thoughts. I describe my Mixed State as a car wreck.
deathwalk60 1 year ago
omg i cant believe this thank you so much for this, im so glad someone else in the world is experiencing the same thing. i wish i knew someone like you to talk to someone that understands. i wish u the best
oye2a2000 1 year ago
@oye2a2000 It would help, I know, to have someone to talk to in person. I know they are out there! Just that most people aren't very open about their psychiatric conditions. Do you live near any where that has support groups? I'd go to one if I lived in a more populated area.
PennyAnn25 1 year ago
@PennyAnn25
no unfortunately not for bipolar people, i speak 2 a therapist its not the same, i had a friend like me to talk to but she commited suicide last year
oye2a2000 1 year ago
@oye2a2000 No it isn't the same, friends/peers play a whole different role than a therapist does. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. It is a sad, sad reality with this disorder, a great risk.
PennyAnn25 1 year ago
i fully agree.
scatterbrainedfish 1 year ago
what an amazing video.
this was *not* around in the 80s all these vids are great. Pure gold for anyone that has bipolar.
scout6686 2 years ago
Thanks :)
PennyAnn25 2 years ago
I have mixed states a lot. Feels really strange during those. I am asked my the Dr how I feel. And I tell them I have no idea who I feel. I feel gray, nutural. Hell, I do not know.
MrRob502 2 years ago
Yeah, they can be really difficult to describe and explain to others.
PennyAnn25 2 years ago
wow, i feel like that, i guess that's what i'm in now. a mixed state. i guess i've been there a while now..
fiercity04 2 years ago
I've been in a mixed state for over 7 months now :(
I usually prefer it to depression, but sometimes both sides start riding high and it's really unbearable.
In my experience, there are two basic mood categories in bipolar disorder: contentment/happiness, and energy/drive.
Normal mania is an elevation of contentment, happiness, energy and drive.
A mixed episode usually involves elevated energy/drive, and depleted contentment/happiness. One half is up, the other is down.
LukeShetler 2 years ago
That's a good way of looking at it. I've had the mixed type where the energy/drive was up & the contentment/happpiness was absent/low. I've also had where I've had normal mania for a few days then depression for a few days over and over for months. Some call the entire episode a mixed episode and some say it fits the description of ultra rapid cycling. To me it felt like the whole thing was a single episode consisting of both mania & depression alternating rather than simultaneous, so mixed too.
PennyAnn25 2 years ago
I usually have those ultra rapid cycling episodes. I consider them to be one episode, and they last about 1 year for me.
I used to think it was many episodes, but after having a few of them it seems unlikely. They usually work on my circadian rhythm, and I'm depressed during the day and hypomanic when I should be sleeping. I feel like a hypochondriac when I talk about it, but I'm diagnosed, I've had genuine manic episodes, and I know what the episodes feel like. They're unmistakable.
LukeShetler 2 years ago
I had the 3 days up 3 days down for most of the episode & towards the end it was exactly what you had, wake up depressed hypomanic/manic at night. My current psychiatrist labeled the whole episode mixed but in the past I had only had the mixed where the energy of mania is present but the thought processes were depressed.
PennyAnn25 2 years ago
Great video, and i relate very much... like the music too.
lookinguptothestars 2 years ago
Thanks. I'm glad it worked the way I wanted.
PennyAnn25 2 years ago
Comment removed
lookinguptothestars 2 years ago
I really like the creativity of this video! I do have to say that there may be a 3rd type of mixed state. These are the ones I have. Describing them is hard, but I am extremely agitated (banging my head against walls, etc. )and so depressed I want to kill myself. I experience this as an actual physical pain in my gut. At this time all I can think of is stabbing myself in the stomach to make it go away. The people I normally live for (my children) can't make me feel any better. I'm out of control
updownjunkie 2 years ago
There just might be a bunch of different mixed states. They are so much more complicated and difficult to describe compared to mania and depression. What you describe seems to have more of a physical component than I experience. It sounds just as miserable and frustrating.
PennyAnn25 2 years ago
bipolar sucks ass....im also schizophrenic...yeah makes it even worse....but i couldnt imagine living life without it....i hate the lows and when i lock myself in a room thinkin my own wife is tryin to kill me(Schizo state)...but the highs are great....i decided about 4 years ago to stop taking meds and dealing with it myself....MUSIC, PEOPLE, BEER....those are my meds...all I need
TheDrunk5150 2 years ago
I'm proud you learned new software!!! I was listening to Smothered Hope this very morning. I went to a concert of theirs when I was 16. This is a very good video. I too become preoccupied with mortality. Seroquel helped quiet that down thankfully.
saltyeggs71 2 years ago
You saw them! Cool! I was a "punk rocker" when I was a teen. I loved Skinny Puppy then, still do, still love all that music. I went through different types of punk but the last, and the longest, was what was then called "death rock". Similar to what is goth now.
I was a crazy wicked insane horrid b*tch while trying to make this video. I am shocked I figured it out. Now it is easy. I just had to catch my mood in the right place to work effectively on it.
PennyAnn25 2 years ago
Were you ever a fan of Rozz Williams?
an0nym0uslyy0urs 2 years ago
In Christian Death, oh yes.
PennyAnn25 2 years ago
Still am a fan.
PennyAnn25 2 years ago
Hey, thats really good. I can relate...
Good music.
Being well adjusted in a sick world does not make one healthy.
mtlsoul 2 years ago
Thanks.
That's true, but I still keep trying for some reason.
PennyAnn25 2 years ago
You're very creative. But, I think most of us who suffer from bipolar ARE? However, we also admire creativity in others as well. My bipolar is compounded by fibro and CFS, it's hard to know where one starts and the other leaves off. The major problem is that I am often in too much physical pain to be 'creative' any longer, and THAT'S compounded by everlasting fatigue. I look hard for the 'light at the end of the tunnel', but it gets harder each day. Thanks for sharing this video.
2hotinaz 2 years ago
TWelcome. Sometimes I am creative. Sometimes my mood is too off to be productive and creative - either no ideas or too many. When the mix is right, though, I enjoy the creative experience.
PennyAnn25 2 years ago
meghan take a bow. watched your videos.. youre awesome and you have guts :)
phaserlust 2 years ago
Thanks. :-)
PennyAnn25 2 years ago
Amazing. I've put this in my favorites. Another well constructed video explaining the types of pain and thought patterns 'us lot' go through! Loving the Skinny Puppy track by the way!
shoegalsho 2 years ago
Thanks. I can't tell what I went through making this. I was walking around town with my camera like a crazy person getting some of the footage. Then I had to order & learn new software. Was well worth it, though!
PennyAnn25 2 years ago
LOL! That was like me I started vblogging on my laptop camera then I had no idea how to get it on here lol!
shoegalsho 2 years ago
Thank you.
kelra333 2 years ago
You are welcome.
PennyAnn25 2 years ago