Millions Irrationally Feared Dead In Minor Train Accident

[imlivinitupniggaz]

2:00 "Congress votes to permanently bar Newt Gingrich from Congressional gym." Hahahaha

[TheN1ckz]

I like trains.



[myeyeswillburn]

This shit is funny.

[Hockeysktr17]

What Americans Are Doing Instead Of Dying In Train Rubble

[joecanukk]

drug induced lucid dream ... welcome to the reality

[ayaz168]

very sad

[tookietookie123]

Omg i live in LA and my mom went to the store an hour ago, i think she might have taken a flight and got on a train in Deleware because my grandma was born there.

[jackthayer]

i was on that train.... idk if i'm alive

[PwnZombie]

I like trains.

[azzy314159]

So 200 million people are irrationally feared to be dying in a train! Holy crap!

[Arthonious]

When I was 19 (years) my mum called me while I was riding the train that night to watch out for pedophiles.

I'm 6ft2, male and do not have a baby face in case your wondering.

[aderandie2]

YO DAWG! i heard you like dying on trains so we got you this train so you can die on a train while dying on a train!

[NickyAmerica]

I think I might have died on that train, I'm not sure.

[chichigyrl06]

I think Sprint thinks all of its customers are dead because they just cut my phone off.

[chichigyrl06]

My phone died. And I don't understand why because I just charged it. It must be broken because it was on that train. Which means I was on that train. Which means I must be dead...

[Udontgetmymetal]

Keep your teens from having sex by spreading disgusting rumors about them!

[savioblanc]

Teen 1 - Bro, I'm planning on doing it with Stacey tonite!

Teen 2 - Bro, keep away from that skank. I've heard she's got crabs :D

[chavkill2]

How many other people read the messages at the bottom so funny lol

[underlinedbluetext]

lol....i am so guilty of this.

oh my god!! a plane crashed?

my mom flew on a plane once! 

[xXJeReMiAhXx99]

1% in hospital but because they work there LOL that killed me

[JBoY2214]

2:21 lol on the bottom "Smoking marijuana legalized if it's with a professor".

[bollocks2who]

medical problems, car accidents, getting shot, freak acts of nature, poison accidentally ingested, falling down a flight of stairs, electrocution, accidental strangulation, random organ failure, drug overdose, surgery gone wrong....

LMAO!!!!

[FrizzySpackleroni]

"In hospital, but because they work there." AHAHAHA

[chavkill2]

@FrizzySpackleroni That really made me laugh aswell lol

[pageOfour]

I am the 1%

[randomIy]

Everyone noticed how they made a joke on "The Onion News is real"? I thought it was playful and brilliant

[gredangeo]

2:15. Smoking marijuana legalized if it's with a professor. LOLZ!!

[cyanmanta]

LIES! Nobody lives in Montana...

[Augray37]

1:37 "hopefully that will ease some of the PANIC."

[flyersphan111]

LOL 2:03 "Congress votes to bar Newt Gingrich from congressional gym."

[magustx]

the ending is better than the rest of the video XD

[agent1442]

My dad asked me if i was dead after he heard about this. I was like, you know, you might be onto something. Since I couldn't remember for sure what I did that day, it might have very well been dying in a train wreck hundreds of miles away from where I was at the time.

I got a kickass funeral planned, all of Youtube is invited. What do I care what it costs, I'm dead.

[KillaTequilla83]

GO BACK TO YOUR DAILY ORGANIC RITUALS. ALL REALITY IS AS IT SEEMS.

[37yen]

The funny thing is that Americans are really this stupid.

[dejimmeistahmon4742]

@37yen That's racist

[37yen]

@dejimmeistahmon4742 Hardly.

[samdanger123]

@dejimmeistahmon4742 it's not racist because american is not a race. its prejudice

[adforward62]

My giant reptile friend died in this. He was great, Pete was great, if slimy

[NickyAmerica]

I think I died in this crash.

[Markishhmark]

I died in this train wreck and woke up in the heaven of Tracy Gill's bosom!

[raymangalaxy]

who watched this crap!?

[ashliebelle]

I called my mom to tell her I was alive so she wouldn't worry, but she didn't answer.... Now I'm worrying if SHE'S okay. :( :( :(

[oiaughwea]

"Before Crisis is over, entire US population may be believed dead" glorious

[bobzzz23]

I live in Delaware. i think i might be dead

[VKGchaos]

This news report was presented in the most ridiculous way i've ever seen

[indecentthinking]

@VKGchaos

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or....

[VKGchaos]

@indecentthinking I just thought the male reporter @ 1:05 was terrible.

"stop calling your loved ones" there really is a lot of weird shit that comes out of his mouth.. so much more but im not gonna bother, listen for yourself

[SuspectX1]

@VKGchaos not sure if troll

[ikmagic123]

@VKGchaos ur kidding right? this is a fake news channel. its on the comedy channel

[ICEBURNEDHAWK]

Beep Beep Beep Beep BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE­EEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP­PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP­PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!! doctor he died from the train crash 400miles away

[TheYouwontgetit]

man i am so lucky... ...i could have easily been on that train and be dead now eventhough i live in germany...!!!

[Inf1nityPlus1]

"We're not sure what exactly is going on inside the town of Wilmington, but we're reporting that there's looting, raping, and yes, even acts of cannibalism."

[AtrophyOffline]

Whoa - this vid went from a train wreck to questioning the vary nature of reality itself. Mindfreak!!

[ashleyjpetersen]

fuck offf google i hate you

[Boomarcane]

In fact if the news was always like this I would watch it a hell of a lot more.



[Boomarcane]

I love the FEMA spokesman! I was just giggling the whole time thinking this would make a great Family Guy skit.

[MouzikalSkeytar]

oh.....the onion...never mind :D

[NickyAmerica]

Dear Onion,

I love you.

[AllisonWonderland18]

lol random organ failure..

[razjaz9]

omg wtf i thought this was real lol

[AntiRacismAndHateCom]

I about spat my drink out on that last bit. 2:35

[HackTheTouch]

MY BROTHER HAS NEVER RIDDEN A TRAIN, HE'S PROBABLY DEAD.

[DeusExKiran]

LOL 1% "In hospital, but because they work there"

[Banddroid]

This is just a test. Ive been harassing racists and for some reason my comments seem to get blocked now.

[Indrius]

Random organ failure?

[GreaterPerson]

37 people had friends who never existed.

[Vetinari192]

"Smoking marijuana legalised if it's with a professor."

Hmm... I was planning on doing that this semester, anyway!!!

[Arpeggio2007]

37 people (and counting) irrationally dislike this video.

[gnip3999]

I was a train in Delaware. I think I died on this train but I am not sure

[firecopy]

I love this parody of source code.

[blindthrall]

@firecopy "There is nothing beyond this, and to believe otherwise is folly." This is the only statement from a news anchor I've ever believed.

[nicomoore16]

So theres no chance anyone died? No there are people dead, bodies still coming.... lol

[SrRocketTurtle]

does anyone read the scrolling text at the bottom

[blaw569]

I think my mom is in that train wreck

[m1c000l]

@blaw569 no

[VirtuesPenumbra]

Well,maybe Jake Gyllinhal can stop the train from crashing before it does. I live in California and my mom went to work this morning but she's been gone all day and I'm starting to worry she might have gotten on that train.

[Shamus8b8]

omg lol ever since my sister passed away I get this irrational thinking when loved ones are gone for an extended period of time and this video pretty much hits it spot on. Don`t mean to bring anyone down but ahahaha oh fuck I love you onion news network

[BTCRAIL101FILMS]

AGHHHHHH!!! THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE IS GANNA KILL ME!! NOOOO!! D:

[dtpc191991]

love the matrix refernce

[GoogalyFrog]

"how to keep your teen from having risky sex by spreading disgusting rumors about them" lol

[donatienar]

OMG, I was so scared... My wife didn't answer her phone... Turns out she was taking a bath, here at home.

[bobzzz23]

HOLY SHIT. i live in wilmington :D

[BooDoug187]

REPORT: Almost no plot on tv makes sense if you remember that internet exists!

[Sirthatguy]

What if my son's meeting was in a train?!?!

[koreanstyler]

I clicked dislike because I wanted to see parents spreading nasty rumors about sex.

[DoubleAssClown]

I hope weed gets legalized just so assholes stop talking about it.

[SXSic]

"homeland security - warning that their fears may be true that their loved ones never existed at all" - various websites are reporting that our perception of reality is misleading and that all of our loved ones have never truly existed. ALTHOUGH the enitire physical world is percieved by us exclusively through tiny electrical signals in our brain, THERE IS NO EVIDENCE that the physical world is false or that we are in fact prisoner to a master-race of aliens-" WOW I cant believe I doubted onion.

[foulbeershits]

@b3gregjockca your neocortex must be of unusual size. Start breeding, yours are the future of mankind.

[foulbeershits]

@b3gregjockca can't be done. try 150- 230

[tookietookie123]

I'm 16 and live with my mom in California and she went to the store, and it's been 2 hours I'm starting to wonder if she boarded a plane to Delaware and got on that train D:

[BIackMoonCGI]

Bloody awesome. This is Americanized British humour.

[illhiphopsongs]

@BIackMoonCGI Haha so true man. Same shit in canada americans never make comedy old.

[benz1125]

Lol

[williamq19]

lol smoking marijuana legalized if it's with a professor :D

[PivotPunk1]

Pause at 2:20

Look at the banner at the bottom

F*** YEAH!

[FoltorInternational]

hey this isnt funny...i died in this train crash

[msms47]

@FoltorInternational how u can still comment on youtube if u dead ? ;o

[ToothpasteCannon]

@msms47 ...That's the joke

[YurrahAlHadi]

lmaoooo i love the list of things ppl cud die from @1:56

[Ecxelior]

Random organ failure!

[MegaRockingGIRL]

This was in my PlayList and when I heard this I thought this was the Real News ( I know about Onion) and I was like Oh tahts sad I feel so sorry and then I minimized my screen then I felt stupid caus I realised it was Onion

[MellyBell910]

what the fuck is up with all the flagged onion videos?

THE FUNNIEST ONES ARE FLAGGED D;

[NotCliffyB]

This is way too plausible to be fake

[GowanBray]

To all you who think this is a joke, think again. There's a reason it's called Del Aware it means that any awareness of the real world, has been deleted from your memory. To believe otherwise would be folly.

[bp1991able]

I wish the "real news" would cover stories like this. And, was anyone else scared by the way the expert said your loved ones could have died instead?

[Waendchen]

@bp1991able no, cuz i knew this is fake anyway

[mattnova18]

@1:23 lol :-) awesome

[14bj337]

This is so insensitive! I imagined that my relatives may have died in that accident! People don't understand tragedy until they imagine it happening to someone close to them.

[Dharmadus]

@14bj337 Are you serious. your taking a joke too serious

[14bj337]

@Dharmadus I was being sarcastic. You're taking a joke too seriously.

[VampiresAndWizardz]

AH finally a way to connect with others who share my unwarranted worry and irrational fears. I must go find my local reassurance center!

[S1mpleDem0n]

Getting into arguments on TheOnion Videos... Well... That's just mad.

[torec2005]

@SKshorts maybe he means the continent of north america

[CalebRexAlexander]

@SKshorts Technically he is correct and the best troll ever to have ever lived.

[Nomoreidsleft]

These people are heartless! Joey, my imaginary friend, died in that imaginary train crash. I imagined that I was devastated.

[gudbar]

Haha.. I wish the news was really like this!!! It would be so much more entertaining!!

[StalkingRainbow]

@SKshorts If you're going to call someone stupid I suggest you use proper grammar, lest you look like a retard.

[vesman81]

They could air this on Fox News and it would blend in quite well

[somebuddycool]

south park did it.

[pie189]

thats america for you

[jedihunter176]

@pie189 Go wrestle a moose, eh?

[StalkingRainbow]

@pie189 And everyone says the US is stupid lol.

P.S. You do realize that Canada is in America right?

[CalebRexAlexander]

@StalkingRainbow You, sir, may have just invented "neo-trolling". We salute and revere you. <3

[Lavos2007]

@pie189 well Sir Stupid of the Retarded Table, if you had any intellect, youd know TheOnion is NEVER real, its always fake news that never happened, its meant for entertainment

[KKillaJ]

fuck fox news and there bias conservative dark ages propaganda the onion is the only real news network they speak the truth lol

[seanowbo]

@KKillaJ i agree with ya

[bmw2go11]

lol @1:27

"13% hands full"

[danielmartinex]

Where did they get the train images from? are they CGI, or are they an old real train accident?? just curious

[trayder29]

@danielmartinex They are real. That train accident occured about a year or two ago.

[Clawdragoons]

You know, the sad thing is you probably COULD get your kids to be less sexually active by spreading rumors.

Not that I endorse such behavior, but still.

[lasku0007]

I know paranoia is rampant among Americans.One of the main reasons their politicians can manipulate them and take them to wars....I am hoping that this is just an exaggeration though....lol

[TheIrredeemable]

@lasku0007

Its obviously an exaggeration......

[lasku0007]

@TheIrredeemable I know I was just kidding

[sourlemon1k]

wait whats the folly joke? i dont get it

[jmcdermid]

Oh god...

My best friend Del got a job in a warehouse, and went in for training last week. I haven't heard from him since. I thought he was just too busy or too tired to call, but now... *cries*

My friend is dead...

My best friend is dead...

[SmallpoxRot]

This is TERRIFIC! Most Americans are little more than panicky dogs with "head in ass" syndrome.

People really do worry like this. And it has nothing to do with actual fear, it has more to do with self-centered asshattery.

[illhiphopsongs]

Americans are fucking stupid.

[johnjohnmorrison]

@illhiphopsongs I had sex with your mom last night? Fuck I was wasted. don't tell anyone it's kinda emberrasing

[jerrxu]

"Stay with us because up next we're going to show you how to keep your teens from having risky sex by spreading disgusting rumors about them" ROFL

[untropezon]

Neither I, nor any of my family or friends live in the US, but we watch american sitcoms and movies, eat hamburgers and drink coke. I gotta tell you, when I heard about this train accident, I was worried sick!

[DrinkSkateSleep]

Oh my god. The ending was just fucking genious.

[DrinkSkateSleep]

Satire is awesome.

[TheVisibleWind]

@DrinkSkateSleep well sure but what does that have to do with the video ?

[DrinkSkateSleep]

@TheVisibleWind The whole video is satire?

[aroo270]

@DrinkSkateSleep wow... yes.

[finpank]

@DrinkSkateSleep i gave you a thumbs down for that obvious comment ..sorry

[DrinkSkateSleep]

@finpank Sometimes it's good to occasionally point out the obvious.

[SlugsPublicAccount]

@DrinkSkateSleep You know what isn't awesome? Posting comments about satire on an Onion video, when yes, we all know it's satire, and we all know it's awesome, hence why we're here.

[DrinkSkateSleep]

@SlugsPublicAccount You know what also isn't awesome? Bitching like a little girl.

[ashliebelle]

Uh oh! My nephew's favorite vehicle is a train! I know I shouldn't call my sister to check on him, but I can't stop myself!

[ayyawark]

My mom called me from india!!!

[Cheedillow]

These comments aren't funny.

[DobermansRock]

When did this happen? My Uncles son rides the train from there all the time. Does anyone know if Milferd Williams is ok? We have not heard from him.

[kasuskasus]

"There is nothing beyond this. To believe this would be folly."

[MGMOVIES13]

Thtz retarded someone tht lives in California y wuld they go to daleware ad go ride a train

[vicodinzz]

There is nothing beyond this, to believe otherwise would be folly. niceeeee

[Skelytan]

"NO Tracy, some people are deffinetly dead..."

[darrenbwow]

..... Does anyone notice the comments at the bottom of the screen?

[aliceisstealth]

THE PIE CHART.

[LegionarioCruel]

New York not new any longer.

[jamesyeang]

Keep up the good work

[TheSchimmi]

2:18

Smoking marijuana now legalized if its with a proffessor.

[alisonkamarshall413]

"But he rides train and now..."

[Werechimps1]

Gigantic bowl of fruit makes man want to be type of person who eats fruit.

[spinseffing]

ROFL!! No joke, I watched this on a train in Delaware. We're all ok.... for now.

[thekid81287]

These onion videos are the funniest thing I've ever seen lmao ps omg I think barak Obama might have been on that train dc is near deleware lmao

[Somebody235]

Woah, The Onion must be pretty rich if they could afford to make a train derail just for some footage from a helicopter.

[lovegoodbyes]

"Smoking marijuana legalized if it's with a professor" LOL