Selective Mutism: Children who Won't Speak: A Summary

[CrissySnow]

I'm writing a horror story about a mute girl...and this helped me research

[Elemarth]

@CrissySnow I'm glad! Short story?  Novel?

[CrissySnow]

@Elemarth It's a novel.

[Elemarth]

@CrissySnow Cool! I'm writing a novel, too, about a selectively mute girl (but not horror - I don't do horror). Good luck!

[TheEureka41]

@CrissySnow Hey I'm doing something similar but it's about a boy.

[braxy29]

love paul mccartney, great song. anyway, i'm sure someone else has already said this, but i have always heard of selective mutism in the context of austism spectrum disorders, not just social anxiety.

[Elemarth]

@braxy29 You're right, but I wasn't accepting that yet when I made this video, and if it's entirely due to autism, you can't diagnose it as SM.

[MissLuvMovies]

I think I might have selective mutism. I'm 13 years old. I hate speaking at school but I wish I could. I've been bullied many times but I don't know if it's connected. I can never stand up to anyone and sometimes I can't even speak to my own friends. Just like I'm melting into the background but I like it that way. I like to be on my own and to just think about things but as soon as people talk to me I freeze. When I go home though I can't shut up but no one else has noticed it. What do I do?

[Elemarth]

@MissLuvMovies Well, if I were you, I'd try to talk to your parents or favorite teacher about it. For instance, show them this video and tell them it sounds exactly like you (which it does). I think maybe if you had treatment for SM and maybe social phobia you might not like melting into the background as much. Bullying could easily add to it. I can't give you very good advice, though, because I'm not there and I don't know you.

[MissLuvMovies]

@Elemarth Thanks :-)

[citymouse40]

@MissLuvMovies I hope you've talked o someone about this and they were understanding and helpful. My son is 12 and he has SM, he was tested for Autism 3 times because the school had no clue what was going on. It is possible however, that a child with Autism can also have SM. Either way, you should get some help from someone who is successful in treating SM. Best of luck to you, you can get past the silence and feel more comfortable with people. You sound like a very intelligent girl.

[citymouse40]

@MissLuvMovies And remember, bullies are bullies because they aren't happy in their own lives. They are the ones the with the problem, not you. Ignore them and know that you are better then them!

[GuitarFisherman2112]

I have been diagnosed with high functioning autism, but I think I have SM. I'll talk to the doctor, maybe he misdiagnosed

[Elemarth]

@GuitarFisherman2112 Maybe. It's a common misdiagnosis for SM.

[roberto3151991]

This sounds like BS.

[Elemarth]

@roberto3151991 A lot of things *sound* like BS that are entirely true.

[citymouse40]

@roberto3151991 only to the close minded ignorant person does this sound like BS. You are exactly the kind of person a child or adult with SM doesn't need to be around. Have some compassion for others, do some reading and research before making comments on a subject you clearly know nothing about. Why are you watching it to begin with? what brought you to this video?

[roberto3151991]

@citymouse40 1.Its called 'Selective Mutism', meaning the person has the ability to speak but chooses not to. 2.I am a very open minded person, and to me this seems like its some some sort of perversion of the 5th Amendment. 3.Oh, and have you ever heard if being shy? Thats exactly what this sounds like to me, and as I am a shy person, I know all to well. 4.Before insulting someone based on their opinion, you should put yourself in their shoes and see it from their point of view.

[citymouse40]

@roberto3151991 it's not that they choose not to speak, maybe you should put YOURSELF in their shoes! Your comment was that it sounds like BS, this certainly sounds close minded to me, you didn't research it, you didn't even try to understand it. You decided that it was a choice and that it's BS. It's not being shy, it is severe social phobia, they are unable to speak not choosing not to. The social fear is so strong the words are stuck, no matter how much they want to speak, they can not!

[citymouse40]

@roberto, BTW, this was my first post, before all the others.

[citymouse40]

@roberto3151991 my son has suffered from this since kindergarten, I have watched him stand in class, frozen in fear, I have seen him standing so stiff that he barely able to nod when spoken to. He is 12 yrs old and because of the lack of help and understanding, he still is UNABLE to speak in school, in stores, restaurants etc. He is NOT being stubborn or deciding not to speak, he is literally frozen and very very anxious. I'm sorry if you are offended by my opinion of your comment..continued..

[citymouse40]

@roberto3151991..but after all the years of dealing with people who do not understand or who are unwilling to understand, it pisses me off when people refuse to consider that Selective Mutism is a very real and very serious issue. Kids need help to overcome this, not being told what they feel is BS. At 6yrs old my son told me that his words were glued so tightly in his throat at school that there is no glue remover in the world that could help.

[citymouse40]

@roberto3151991..at 9 he told me there was a block of ice in his throat with a tiny hole so he could breathe, blocking his words, that when he gets in the car it melts away. Kids with SM are suffering in silence, they are NOT choosing to be silent. Untreated, some kids become depressed, suicidal, drug users etc. It is a very real issue. Take the time to research it.selectivemutism . org Maybe you won't judge a child who you come across and is unable to speak to you,

[roberto3151991]

@citymouse40 Oh, and as for your questions, I was watching it because it looked interesting, and as for what brought me here, I cannot recall.

[cassidyoluv]

1:51 would have been useful... I suffered so much... and I now realize I've never been treated. Explains so much now... -sigh-

[cassidyoluv]

1:51 just explained the past few years of my left to me....

[booxbooxful]

I wish some bitches in my school could watch this, then they will stop bullying me...

[Elemarth]

@booxbooxful Is there some way you can show it to them?

[booxbooxful]

@Elemarth Well i would try but whenever i try and say i have a problem i just blush :(

[SeerTroop]

Now that i found this video i can show it 2 my parents so they can finally realize that my body wont let me talk that its not my choice. Hopefully they say there truly sorry 4 16 years of verbal abuse they game me.

[mista925]

@SeerTroop Sorry to hear about the verbal abuse. It's interesting how adults can misinterpret things like this. Looking back, my first grade teacher was rather abusive towards me because I was quiet natured. I would talk quietly, sometimes I would mumble when called on to answer questions, and she would embarrass me in front of the whole class by putting my name on the board. I recall one time I decided to speak up, and I got benched for it. I hope things will change between you & your parents!

[SeerTroop]

Im 20 nd i finally kno wat i hav. From age 4 til now im still the same way. evry1 around told my parents that i was shy and i'll grow out of it. I was completely mute Prek-2nd grade then started only readin whn the teacher called on me since they used 2 yell at me nd send notes to my mom. My parents also yelled bad words 2 me evrytim we visited family or went 2 a store i couldnt say hello, thank you or goodbye. Til this day if som1 yells at me i start cryin cuz i wont be able 2 talk.

[rachethom]

Im pretty sure i have this, i can't talk at football training i watch them laughing and having fun playin soccer like i used to with my friends and i want to join in but i can't talk and i know i can they talk to me and i can do nothing but stare at them and do this really annoying laugh which replaces my talking without my consent. Inside i am shouting at them in replay but all the get if they're lucky is a mumbled whisper. Now i get bullied and have lost half my friends, what should i do?

[rachethom]

@rachethom I'm 14 btw, been like this for atleast 3 years but i can't remember if i was like this at primary... but it started to get obvious at highschool

[BaileyM1997]

I just created a page on Facebook called For Teens With Selective Mutism (SM) and it's for teens ages 13-19 and their families, but if you have younger children, its ok. There you can socialize with others and get advice from me and any questions you have I'll answer too! Join today!

[amandabanana1]

this video is amazing. I suffered from selective mutism as a little girl. i was picked on for being shy, I never said a word in class. now i am much more talkative but now i have developed something else, social anxiety. i believe i can overcome this. god bless anyone suffering from this.

[Bluedrizzle719]

My mind usually goes blank around people...

[Bluedrizzle719]

When i was young people used to think I was mute. Some of my mother's friends thought I had a probably and hated the fact that i didn't talk. I think it made my anxiety worse. Since i had to lie about my feelings all the time that way i wouldn't get badly judged.

[taylorswiftfan690]

omg i was held back in kindegarten cz of this! -.- i'm fine now :))

[QuickstartBlazin]

I have selective mutism. I'm so smart, but to me..it seems like I'm unable to speak around people.

[lucyheu]

I had sm when I was in elementary school but overcame it when I made friends in high school. My only problem is not being able to be comfortable. For example if I haven't talk to a friend for a week or two I would have problems feeling comfortable even though we have known eachother for years.

[CiCiofficial]

im amost 15 and diagnosed with SM. i still wont talk to many many people but im coping with it and my anxiety. thank God its getting better for me.

[Chiarapetrachiab]

My therapist is trying to treat me for Bipolar disorder, when in reality, it all stems from SM.

[margarita141414]

One of my best friends has sm. She 1st came to my school on 1at grade and she wouldn't talk at all. Now she is really loud and really funny with friends and any where outside of school, but when she's in school she doesn't talk at all to people other then friends. But ne and all my friends can't even tell she has it outside of school.

[Elemarth]

@margarita141414 Well... that's why it's selective! Most people with it are really loud when they're comfortable.  I'm glad she has good friends like you.

[amandabanana1]

@Elemarth what is this song called? it's awesome.

[jjojjorge]

@amandabanana1 Paul McCartney - She's Given Up Talking I guess

[softballfan123456]

I suffered through selective mutisim as a child. I am now 15 soon to be 16 and I am talking in school with no problems. Even though I am still shy in certain situations, I will eventually open up.

When I was growing up my pre school wanted to put me on medication, but luckily my mom would not let them. Also when I wad in kindergarten my school was going to make me repeat the year. Luckily though I moved and I got to go on to the first grade!! I am living proof that selective mutisium is curabl

[Elemarth]

@softballfan123456 You should make a video about how you got over it. :)

[bonezillion]

I used to go to a therapist with a PhD and the first day my mother told her "She has selective mutism and probably won't speak much" and the lady replied to her "Oh, I've heard of that, when they choose not to speak to certain people. We can fix that". This lady had a degree in medicine and psychology and still had no clue what was going through my mind or how the SM worked. As much as I wanted to talk to her something inside me was holding me back to the point I felt like screaming. It's awful.

[Elemarth]

@bonezillion It's amazing how certain professionals were and are so certain that they can force selectively mute people to speak. Has it ever worked? I don't get how they manage to not figure it out.

[bonezillion]

@Elemarth I've actually found that I can talk to more people by willing myself to do it without the help of "professionals". In my experience the therapists just make the issue worse.

[maggy803]

i know someone wif this disorder selective mutism S.A.D. it was sorta hard to become friends wif him i had a crush on him since 7th grade n he liked me too lol funny story but i found out he doesnt speak at all atleast in public. i've known him for like four years n idk how to communicate with him i just speak with him n he just shakes his head saying yes or no it doesnt bother me that he doesn't speak but hopefully we can become closer to each other and always stay friends or more <3

[dommi9877]

talk and i dont do very much of it. I have FASD and i am 16.

[dommi9877]

I don't have SM but i don't like talking. I do think i have a socail phobia or something cause i wont raise my hand in class or yell out. I dont talk to people very ofteni dont talk very loud. I cant look people in the eye and if i manage to it only lasts a couple seconds. when i have to present things to the class i start to stutter and i cant tell how loud i an talking.I only have 2 friends one lives half way around the world and the one i have now she does the talking for me. I listen to her

[KeswickCamp08]

"selective" is just as insulting as the word "elective" >:( the words mean almost the same thing, it makes the person sound mean.

[Elemarth]

@KeswickCamp08 I know, but give them credit for trying.

I think it should be called something like "Situational Communication Anxiety Disorder". A mouthful, but much, much more accurate. I have a facebook page to advocate for that. Join it! :)

[LaJemo]

Thank you so much. <3

[glen77991]

Omg! My girl with 5 yrs recently was diagnose with selective mutism ... It's so sad see how it's she in the classroom... She it's so scared to speak to anyone... It's very very sad...:-(

[musicluber09]

I don't have SM , but I have aspergers syndrome and when I was younger I was non verbal I didn't start talking until I was 4 or 5 years old

[Sunshyne276]

Thank you SO much for such an interesting and informative video!

[Elemarth]

@Sunshyne276 You're welcome!

[TekaMae]

I never heard of this before tonight. I NEVER spoke in school. My teachers called home. My dad made me go around the neighborhood and say "hi" to neighbors. I was terrified and never did it. He'd get REALLY mad. I still have problems. I'm 26. I have no friends. Never have. Never dated. This made me cry. I am on disability. I take F's instead of talking. The answer to a teacher's question screams in my head, no one else knows it and I still can't raise my hand. College is very hard to pass

[ChristianSupergirl]

@TekaMae totally! I have Selective Mutism (I've had it all my life) and It's been very frustrating at school. I'm also in College and finding it difficult-especially since 1 of the classes I need to pass is "Interpersonal Communications" we have about 5 speeches we have to do and I have no idea how I'm gonna do it. P.S I totally agree with what you said about knowing the answer but can't give it. I also Hate it when people don't understand the disorder and just think u are being obnixious

[Elemarth]

@TekaMae I'm sorry. :( I'm sure there's still a chance for you to get better, but it'd be hard at 26... I wish nobody had to go through so many years of this.

[AutisticWhoLives4God]

Selective mutism is very interesting. I have Asperger's Syndrome, general anxiety disorder, OCD, and sensory processing disorder. I practice saying things when I am by myself, in hopes that I will be able to say them to other people. Sometimes when I want to speak, the words just don't come out. A psychologist told me that I couldn't be diagnosed with selective mutism. I'm still wondering why I can't speak sometimes.

[Elemarth]

@AutisticWhoLives4God I wonder why you can't be diagnosed? I guess it has to be consistent - I mean you have to always have trouble in a certain situation. But I'm not sure. Your psychologist might just not know about SM.

If you have anxiety, that could just make it hard to start speaking.

[AutisticWhoLives4God]

@Elemarth The school psychologist told me that I probably couldn't be diagnosed. I think she thought I didn't meet the criteria. I have another therapist through a private practice. I emailed her about selective mutism, but I don't believe it was productive. If I make it a priority, I could contact someone who actually has the authority to diagnose. School psychologists can't diagnose people. True, it is not consistent, but it still happens to me, and it's really frustrating.

[secrtman10]

i have sm the whole first grade i sat by the door every recess never talking to anyone 2 grade i talked to my teacher in a whisper butt not out loaud i still dont talk i just got out of 6th grade in 5 i learned that kids can be mean and so befor they were jerks to me i made freands with them i made freands with ever kid one by one from 1st grade to 6th i still dont talk outloaud or to teachers but i survived elmentery school but i dont know how 7th grade is going to go

[xxxxSnowman]

I have selective mutism. I'm on the road to recovery :-) message me if you want some help, advice or just want to have a conversation with me.

[irishpauline123]

I have selective mutism too..people call me weird and boring..and it hurts....i wish i can change..but i don't know how..i'm scared :(

[jerseychik26]

I have a 4 year old who at 3 used to always talk in preschool but they they moved her to a different school and that's when it all began. i never understood it so i pushed her and got very angry. i enrolled her in dance school, arts and craft and nothing. this year was the first that i heard of it as she never spoke a word in school. they sent her to a psychiatrist who confirmed it. i want to get help for her but how do i know what kind of help she needs

[Elemarth]

@jerseychik26 If you're American, I HIGHLY recommend talking to the SMart center (selectivemutismcenter). Even from their website should give you an idea of what plans to make to help her. Watch the video again for basic therapy ideas - at her age, you need to lower anxiety, get rid of pressure and make sure she has a chance to make friends, and it should work.

[ShotGunAnd]

I just don't understand why nobody at my school, which is for... strange people, knows about this! Unbelieveable. By the way, isn't this song by Sir Paul McCartney?

[Elemarth]

@ShotGunAnd Lots of psychologists don't even know about social phobia, let alone SM. I once had an argument with a speech-language pathologist (speech therapist) over what selective mutism was.

Yes. I mentioned that at the bottom of my summary.

[ShotGunAnd]

I have just given up on talking since i just can't do it. I make sounds at school instead of talking. I just know that i am never going to kill myself, because I always look at the bright side of life, instead of just thinking how bad it is.

[ShotGunAnd]

3 years ago, my parents send me to a school for autism. Now i'm 14 years old and i still don't talk at school, but i talk a lot outside of the school. It's reallly annoying, but i just can't talk! At first, when i was 9-10 years old, i was a little shy, to say the least, so my father sent me to another school, but i think it just got worse from there.

[Elemarth]

@ShotGunAnd Sounds like selective mutism.  You should tell your parents about this. You'd probably be better off in a normal school.

[ShotGunAnd]

@Elemarth Yes i should, but i feel very uncomfortable when i talk about it.

[Elemarth]

@ShotGunAnd Oh, but see, that's the good thing about videos. You can pick one you want and show that to them so it explains for you. (I have some specifically for this purpose on my other account, Helyna8.)

[LSGxTryan]

I pushed everyone away. No one wanted to talk to me anmore because I wouldn't reply (when in fact I COULDN'T). In the house, I'm VERY loud, but anywhere else, I can't say a word, even if my parents are there aswell. Since starting college though and leaving school, I talk a little bit more. I'm still VERY quiet, but I have made a few friends... Even though I still don't talk much with them.

[LSGxTryan]

Although I've never been diagnosed for this, I really do think that I have it. It seemed to suddenly come on to me when I was about 13, after being bullied verbally and left out since I was about 5. I used to talk a lot, but when I was around 13, I suddenly stopped talking. People would think I was ignorant or shy, and my parents have been trying to force me into talking for the past 4 years, but the thing was... I actually WANTED to talk, but it was like my throat would close up when I tried..

[gaenormarie]

I am 38 and had selective mutism all through my years at school and college. I thought it was just shyness butreading this it was me to a T ! When i started my first job i started to come out of it ,new friends new situation.Sice then i travelled around Australia by my self and met my husband there now i live in Iceland with 3 Beautiful children. Still have my shy moments but never let it control me . My dad was a very srong , overbearing , a good dad but never chatted to us only orders !

[Elemarth]

@gaenormarie A success story! You should share how it felt to start talking. There are so few success stories here.

[xHelloMyNameIsJesusx]

I'm almost 15 and it seems though I have mild ADD and really bad SM. Everything you said in this video I can relate to. I always thought I was just really shy 'cause that's just how I learned to live without people commenting. I always thought the world was just boring and I was given the knowledge to look past it. I didn't know there were names for me. I'm so different I just call it my disease, something you won't find in the books. Or maybe I'm just insane. Or maybe everyone else is.

[ThePupwiththeMost]

i have this!  wow didn't know it had a name

[7emily6]

I have selective mutism. Had it since I was about 3. I'm about to be 15. I used to talk to everybody when I was little then I just shut down and didn't even talk to some of my family, and when I started school I didn't talk and haven't spoken. I have plenty of friends, though. My parents are frustrated when I don't speak around my family, but I just can't...

[Elemarth]

@7emily6 I'm sorry. You're lucky to have friends. Do your parents understand what's going on?

[7emily6]

@Elemarth Yes, they tried to get help for me. I had to take medication, but soon started rejecting it since it did nothing. I went to a therapist, and she gave up on me. I have so many disorders, like bipolar disorder and paranoid schizophrenia, to add onto SM I'm not that surprised she did.

[Elemarth]

@7emily6 Oh.  Well, medicine probably won't do much if you have that many problems. I'm sorry you had such bad luck (to get them all) The therapist should be ashamed to give up on someone. Are you really sure you have schizophrenia? I've heard it's a (relatively) common misdiagnosis for social phobia.

[7emily6]

@Elemarth Well, maybe. I don't think social phobia includes seeing things and hearing voices, does it? If yes, then maybe so. But I just go by what the therapists tell me.

[Elemarth]

@7emily6 Just checking. It's really unfair that you get them both. :'(

[7emily6]

@Elemarth I agree. But this is a great video. (: It really explains everything.

[clockworkorange9th]

@7emily6 don't worry about your parents being frustrated. My parents also get upset about too. I tried to explain that still have SM but they don't believe me. I just turned 18 and I never said a word til I was 4 which was when I was diagnosed. I faced discrimination from some peers but mostly teachers. Try to explain to your parents, that's going to be tough I know. Stay strong buddy

[bigninja27]

I have a question for those who know about selective mustism is it possible to have SM but still be able to give short answers to people? I am curious because I am only able to talk when I'm in a comfort zone whether that be in my house or near my mom I'm able to speak but when I'm out alone or even with my friend I feel very uncomfortable speaking so I don't say a word.

[Elemarth]

@bigninja27 Your post isn't entirely clear, but I think you can still have SM. People with just social phobia also have trouble speaking, just not as much. It's unclear to me whether you can have SM if you can force yourself to say a word if you absolutely have to.

[wolfchicgalpal]

i refuse to speak at school, i havent spoken at school since i was five and i am now fifteen going on sixteen... i am in top sets at school but i just cant speak, my teachers understand but its hell when we get a supply teacher because i wont speak and tell him/her what is wrong, because i just cant talk, the reason??? i saw my mother being killed right in front of me two weeks before i was adopted

[Elemarth]

@wolfchicgalpal Um, is this true? I mean, I HOPE nobody would say this if it weren't, but that's almost unbelievable. Sorry for douting you, sorry for what happened. Even though sometimes I try to tell people it's nothing to do with trauma, I know that a lot of times that triggers it. :'(

[RaveingxXDino]

i have SM sense i was 13. but im trying. i guess i am talking just a bit more then i was 13. ((my English is perfectly fine.))

[prankisteen]

I guess I'm special. The brother has autism. I have selective mutism. I got it at age 13.

[Elemarth]

Seriously?  I've been trying to find out whether anyone can actually get SM after, say, first grade. I can't get any confirmation from good sources. Have you made a video about it or anything? Can I ask how it happened?

[TheRealTDITilly]

this is great. for my elementary and middle school years i had selective mutism but im speaking more now

[Elemarth]

You should make a video about it!

[TheRealTDITilly]

about me? i guess but i dont think it be that helpfull because i didnt come over mine like other people because other people most need speech therapy but i cam over it by myself

[Elemarth]

Still... changes don't happen instantly. You can tell us who helped you, if anyone, and how, and how it felt to speak for the first time, and so forth.

[TheRealTDITilly]

well...okay sometime i will

[IntrinsicPalomides]

There was an excellent documentary done by the BBC which was shown last week and it really opened my eyes to this issue. It was called: My Child Won't Speak and it showed also some options available to help treat this condition with success, it was amazing to see. You should be able to download this show to watch from various places and possibly be able to watch it on the BBC website for which i can prove a link, or just google: BBC "My Child Won't Speak"

[Elemarth]

Thanks, I know. I've tried that, many times, and all I can get is that it's "not available in your area"! It's really annoying me. I really want to watch! I can only hope someone will post it on YouTube.

[MutedGirl]

Great video

I have SM too, and it shows feelings of such persons. Life with SM isn't easy everyday. My english isn't very good but i think it should give more people who make videos about this disorder.

[maehb]

This is an awesome video. It's probably the most informative video on Selective Mutism that I've ever seen.

[Elemarth]

Wow, that's a great compliment for me! Thanks!

[Elemarth]

P.S. I made a myths-and-facts video earlier that I haven't posted yet. But I can't promise many anxiety-related videos. This was meant to be a gymnastics account with SAD and SM on the side.