Added: 10 months ago
From: bdw5000
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  • "No. 3 Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you". I like this hank guy very much, is there anyway can i donate to this great cause.

  • LOOOOOOL

    

  • LMFAO

  • All bow before Hank, you cut weenie kraut eaters!

  • I...love this! XD

  • My new favorite insult: You bunless, cut-wienered kraut-eater!

  • Two immutable facts of humanity are: It is united in the belief that those who subscribe to a different world view, political ideology, religion, philosophy, prejudice, etc. "just don't get it." Talented debaters can cause anyone to appear foolish, proving only technique, not truth.

  • And to think that Evangelism came to be just because King Henry VIII wanted to divorce his wife for not giving birth to a son.

  • Man is this joke is REAL old. But awesome.

  • John 14:6 "jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth and the life : no man cometh unto the father, but by me"

  • I left 200 messages on Hank's answering machine, I sure hope he got them!

  • praise be to Hank the great ass

  • This is perfect

  • Yo house is so dirty, you have to wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.

  • I think I saw the animated version on Nonstampcollectors channel. Funny shit. Hank's a fucktard.

  • The sad thing about this, is that it's completely accurate. Haha

  • what's disturbing is how absurd this story is, while effectively being completely true...

  • A masterpiece gentlemen. I just wish the radio-play could be read out every Sunday (and in church would be even better).

  • I must get to know this Hank guy.

  • This the funniest thing I've heard in a long time! I've got to listen to this when drinking. LMAO!

  • even though you started in the dishwasher, at least you are questioning things. and what is the truth, there is the truth of sience which are the laws of physics which are unchangable. there is also the truth of humanity. this is already written in our hearts and souls, all you have to is find it.jesus is not the be all and end all, in his teachings lies the key to this truth.

  • You can all kiss MY ass and I'll pass it on to Hank.

  • "A wiener without a bun is wrong." Is that another dogmatic parable against masturbation?

  • @ChipArgyle Hahaha not bad. But you don't get any thumbs up because Hank only allows kissing of the ass. NO THUMBS!

  • accurate analogy

  • Hank even made diseases! Some kids are born already on their way to the million dollars!!

  • LMBO

  • yea a true reflection of the american entrepenerial greed f*****g up the true message or christ, just like mainstream religions,and every other twat who hasnt got a clue what christianity is about. dont listen to those two ***** dont listen to me, look for the real truth work it out for yourself.

  • @lordofthecoils Okay, then I just found the real truth. God is a plate I just got out of the dishwasher.

    You can't say it's not the truth, because no one knows what the truth is.

    I will now worship that plate forever, because it grants me eternal life on Fridays.

  • The old "You better buy what were selling or else" pitch!

  • WHAT AN AMAZING VIDEO! SO TRUE!

  • Well, I don't know about you, but Hank gives some good advice. I mean, he seems like a great man. Except when he's about to kick the shit out of you.

  • not evertyone is confidant , smug , probably a reasonably well off middle american., there are a lot of broken and needy people out there , also millions of junkies ,criminnals etc ..yea why dont you offer them your better alternative ATHEISM ..bound to really make a differance to thier lives. its going to give them hope moral guidance and comfort.........not!

  • @lordofthecoils We educate and uplift these people with true human compassion and charity. We DON'T make false promises, we DON'T make them feel even more miserable by calling them "sinners", we DON'T make them pay their hard earned money to some church, and we DON'T do good deeds with the sole intention of impressing a magic invisible daddy in the sky.

  • Who's Carl?!

  • "or he'll kick the shit out of you" haha

  • BWAHAHAHA.... One of funnies pwnage I ever seen ;)

  • HAHAHA!!! This was AMAZING.

  • You Hankdamned imbeciles!

  • This is plain AWESOME.

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  • if kissing hanks ass means doing good, helping others, being kind, and being a good human, then I would kiss hank's ass EVERYDAY.

  • @risbysarwar Can't you do those things without kissing anyone's ass in the slim chance of receiving a reward? I do good, help others, am kind and a good person because that's how I like to see other people behave. But I don't kiss ass because I think I might get a handout for it.

    Why do all these ass-kissers think the only way to do good by the human race is to kiss Hank's ass all the time? Try not kissing his ass and see if he really does beat the shit out of you. You may be surprised.

  • @Ogawa47 not only do you kiss up to hank by doing good to others, you can also do it by doing good to yourself; being honest, fair, kind, not smoking, not drinking, not insulting, not making fun of others, etc. Hank doesnt need to be kissed, the purpose of it all is to be civilized and good to others and be good to yourself. Look at America, secular country. Out of the 6 million people in jail, 3 million are in the U.S., if everyone feared Hank, then this would be statistic would be nil

  • @risbysarwar If Hank's ass doesn't need kissing, then why are you suggesting that people can't be decent if they don't kiss Hank's ass? And by the way, ass-kissers wind up in jail and prison all the time. Forcing an entire country to kiss one person's ass isn't going to make the crowbar motels any less full. In fact, a 1999 Texas poll of the criminal justice system showed that at least 78% of prisoners claimed to have kissed Hank's ass. A 1995 national census showed 33% actively kissed his ass.

  • @Ogawa47 contempt for others, selfishness, shamelessness, etc. are erased/ controlled in the hearts of those who truly believe in a Higher power they must answer to. Don't get inffuenced by the bad that media feeds you. Do get influenced by the good, in religion (which is not hard at all) and the good in secular (which gets you halfway)

  • @Ogawa47 dont let your ego and self-worship and sinful desires deny the existence of a higher being. Look at religion for what it is and what they do, with a humble heart, theres alot you will see that will win your respect and love. The media portrays those who are pious as corny and ignorant; the media also glorifies sex, drinking, and smoking as cool and fun things to do. We must let our minds be strong and smart. Our hearts pure and pristine.

  • @risbysarwar See, I don't need Hank or the media to tell me how to live my life. I can think (with strength and intelligence) for myself, thankyouverymuch. And I don't believe I said religions don't do good. I merely suggested that the assumption that only religions do good is incorrect.

  • @Ogawa47 religion builds character, community, and offers hope. It's good is unmatchable. People who do violence in the name religion are contradicting themselves. Kissing up to Hank is the Best way to be of good, moral character.

  • @risbysarwar There is no benefit that only religion can offer, and no sins it cannot cause.

  • @risbysarwar You can do that without laying lips on Hanks ass though.

  • That's pretty funny

  • Church of hank founded 27 april 2011,I actualy prefer this church to jehovas witnesses tbh...Religon = do as i say ,work for me an give me all your worldly goods, u get reward when you die . LOL wut?

  • Sigh. Some good analogies and some based in ignorance.

  • Hank didn't build the town. Bob did. And if you don't kiss Bob's ass you WILL get your ass kicked. It's Bob's rules or serious ass-kicking. By the way, Bob says NO hotdogs of any kind in any way, shape or form. Also, if you kill anyone who kisses Hank's ass Bob will give you 72 million dollars when you leave town. And remember, Bob needs his ass kicked 5 times a day at specific times. If you miss an ass kissing you'd better have a damn good reason for it and make up for it the next day.

  • @kossmikham and this is islam in a nutshell?

  • @witchcerridwen Ding ding ding ding!!!

  • Can we force America to listen to this? Prolly not. Lets threaten them with eternal damnation if they dont, and then theyll listen!!! mwaaahhahaha

  • Thumbs up if you think that @GlorifiedTruth completely missed the point of this video.

  • @nashwhal FUCK! you DICK! now I have too spend my entire afternoon looking for GlorifiedTruth's comment!

  • @minimonster007

    1. click "view all comments"

    2. Press Ctrl-F

    3. Type GlorifiedTruth and Press Enter

    4. ...

    5. Profit

  • @GlorifiedTruth Holy crap. You're frigging retarded.

  • @GlorifiedTruth who said that this video was related at ALL to christianity?!

  • @GlorifiedTruth

    You do realize that the "Condiments with your Hot Dogs" parable was talking about Homosexuality... don't you?

    So... Christians DON'T care if someone is Homosexual?

    Wow... that's surprising, here I thought Christians were trying to outlaw Homosexuality and ban them from getting married. Oh... Wait ¬_¬

  • @GlorifiedTruth You seem to have a lot of thumbs up there pal.

  • @CanadianMuffins - I'm not sure in which sense you mean that.  But a sad truth in either event.

  • I lol'd quite alot after reading that - thank you sir

  • I'll kick the shit out of HANK!

  • Brilliant!!!

  • where do i sign up?

  • genius!

  • 13 people will be cheering Hank on to beat your ass while counting their money

  • Carl is the dick no Hank, Hank doesn't exist.

  • Reddit is the best thing ever

  • You bunless, cut weiner, kraut eater!

  • I once compared Adolf Hitler to "God" at a christian youth group. It was pretty accurate....and they didn't like me too much anymore. oh well :3 

  • I love this analogy. Bonus for also being funny.

  • @MGlBlaze You said anal(ogy) i know you want to put your weiner in her buns. Without any condem(ents) I might add.

  • Ha ha ha . :-)

    Great !

    I think this is very close to how I see a believer of a not proven extraordinary creep.... eh, being.

    It have to be true because it says so in the bible/koran, and the bible/koran says it's true, so it have to be true, because it say so in the bible/koran, eh....... nvm. :-(

  • very good video... great comparisons and very funny

  • looooooooooooooooool

  • Awesome!

  • evangelist, if we dont believe in Hank, why should we belive in god?

  • Omg this is brilliant lol. Christianity in a nutshell indeed.

  • @mimikawaii7386 not just christianity, every religion

  • Theist (il)logic.

    Great!

  • Love it, Love it!!!

  • The salvation story in a nut shell.

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  • to all you creationist nut jobs, how stupid do you feel after that?

    haha!

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  • @whyteay But of course not even a rational comparison in your mind right. Your still a Christian aren't you?

  • @TomsFriendKake Lol, actually I'm not. And that was only a month ago! So I concede your point.

  • @JungleJargon trololololol

  • @JungleJargon troll troll troll troll. Get back under your bridge.

  • @JungleJargon Even if Evolution is false, that's not evidence for God.

  • @JungleJargon * Calls the troll hunters.

  • haha this is great

  • This is absolutely wonderful.

  • lol - brilliant

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  • Mmm... sauerkraut; I enjoy it almost every day.

  • I've got a significant installment of my "money".

  • When you share this with Christians, they get all huffy and mad at the way you've just talked about Christianity. Then when you point out that you haven't mentioned it, they get madder.

    Ahhh, it's fun to poke fun at the willfully ignorant.

  • Lmfao. Don't use alcohol, but use it in moderation.

  • If you agree to kiss Hank's ass, he'll give you a million dollars and the exclusive rights to suck his dick forever.

  • this is epic.

  • Fuck Hank, he's a dick.

  • @zacthebold Calling Hank a dick is the one unforgivable sin... now he's going to kick the shit out of you.

  • @9Speed Not until I leave town though.

  • Lol awesome

  • I have got to expand my horizons. I write songs, even record all the instruments and vocals myself, and I get some pretty good comments from people who watch (listen to) my uploads, some who don't even normally listen to punk rock. But THIS is something I must get in to. I wrote mini-plays with my sister when we were kids, but haven't in forever. I gotta try something like this. In honor of the inspiration these guys gave me, I will first attack religion, then I will get to other subjects . . .

  • I've never seen anyone do a dramatic presentation of "Kiss Hank's Ass." It's hilarious!

  • First of all wat n the hell is a gangsterper lol and if I argue with u means I respect your opinion and your intelligent with that being said bye!

  • "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years!"

    haha

  • Hank calls the show sometimes and he always threatens Matt. He insults him too!

  • hank? considering this show is based out of texas....one could assume hank got his money selling propane and things that go with it.

  • Brilliant. Almost not a parody at all. The hyperbole is precise in its corespondence to everything evangelists say. Bravo!

  • *thumbs up* ... all up to heaven

  • This is very funny.

  • I thank him 4 everything his givin me and u can attack 4 the few mistakes I made but maybe If u start thanking him u have ppl to talk to instead those cats! So get blessed lonely cat lady

  • One of the most dumbest and most disrespectful thing I ever seen and only push me closer to GoDs word cuz he warned us about ppl like dis and u 4got ur so called hank give his life 4 fools like u and u wonder y u get no miracles!

  • @smarterdenyouthink - Apparently your god didn't give you the ability to spell. Thank him for that.

  • @smarterdenyouthink whell.. most people just think you are DUMBERthanyouthink. And thanks for pointing out Matts joke. Kiss Franks ass for us will you?

  • My eccentric philanthropist can beat up your eccentric philanthropist and then douse his hair with beer and make him smoke a wiener stuffed with pickle relish and moon rocks.

  • it took me a few minutes to figure out the 'wheener and bun' was a reference to sex haha

  • Quite funny.

    BTW: I'm an atheist, BUT I never say "religious assholes". Why should I? If people find comfort in believing in a higher being, NP 4 me.

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  • This is perfect to explain religious assholes how they actually are.

  • About 47% of the US is against Atheists and they're disliked more than other group, including Muslims, LBGT, and any ethnic minority.  They're more correct about everyone being against them than any other group, statistically.

  • A six and a half minute guide to religion for dummies.

  • Brilliant example of religion. :)

  • @MyloDude22 that's probably the most intelligent thing I've heard all week. And, you do have a point. What people crave above all else is attention and pity.

  • Atheists think everyone is out against them. It's really annoying.

  • @veson231 Everyone thinks everyone against them. It's human nature to play the victim. Christians think they're the last religion to be picked on. Same go with Mormons, Muslims and even Atheists. We as humans have to find/invent enemies and have to invent ways to protect against those perceived enemies.

  • @MyloDude22 It's kind of hard NOT to play the victim when every 'holy book' tells people of respective doctrines to punish those not of their faith, and since we aren't of ANY faith, we pretty much get the brunt of EVERY faith. Are we victims? Yeah, we are.

  • @veson231 Most hated people in the U.S. according to a recent study.

  • @veson231 But atheist are right in thinking everyone is out against them. The Bible itself says anyone who doesn't believe in God is a fool who will burn in hell.

  • @cornflakeclusters That's actually not what the bible says. Hell is mostly from the extended universe, if you will. It's the Han and Leia's Jedi children of theology. There are parts about punishment for the douches, but belief in God being required is debatable. The idea of hell as a physical place of fire mostly comes from Dante, and even he cut the virtuous unsaved a break. Conception of hell varies greatly by sect also, not even Christians are all on the "lake of fire" train

  • @Impulse725 In my comment, I was referring to the following passages: Luke 12:10, Mark 3:29 and Psalm 53.

  • im hank :D

  • atheism has it right!

  • lolz

  • That was beautiful

  • this is fucking hilarious. sounds EXACTLY the same to me.

  • This is legit, Hank did kick the shit outta me

  • I agree with the message, but it would have been a lot more powerful if they practiced once or twice before recording it.

  • Love it guys!! Keep up the good work!

  • "That's just extremely moderate." LOL!

  • Lmao through the hole thing

  • DING DONG

    evangelist: BLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLA­BLABLABLABLABLA CHRIST WILL RETURN BLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLA SAVE YOURSELF

    atheist: kiss me ass.

    Slams door in face

  • rofl awesome vid. soooo true! hahaha!

  • LOL.

  • Yes, that is exactly how they sound. Loved this.

  • 666 views. Wow!

  • good sketch

  • Methinks Hank is a strawman.

  • @namesameasu Nah. The Hank story just illustrates a huge number of theistic fallacies with an analogy to Evangelical Christianity. It's not an argument.

    You could say some of the analogies where false of course, but you'd be wrong in any other sense than "No single theist would commit all of these fallacies in a single conversation".

  • @Gnomefro The whole thing is a fallacy: God's offer rises up people spiritually, whereas Hank is offering a worldly reward that people would already have a taste of. Faith has the fringe benefit of transcendence, whereas Hank's reward is fraught with lowly materalism. Hank appears to be physically threatening, whereas God's "lake of fire" is a spiritual deprivation that would be eternal. Hank's threats are petty, God's threat is a practical warning: how would self-interest be without a self?

  • @namesameasu and how do you know it?

  • @CIarKent Logical consistency, implication and modality.

  • @namesameasu be more specific.

    how do you know that the bible is real?

    how do you explain the immoralities in the bible, the supposed instructions from God which are completely immoral? (not to mention the actions of God himself as described in the bible)

  • @namesameasu Hank not kicking your ass is a pretty practical warning. My self is rather interested in not having my self's ass kicked. I have just as much evidence that Hank will, in fact, kick your ass as you have there is a lake of fire. In fact, the ass-kicking is more likely--ass-kickings do in fact occur and have been documented. Lakes of fire? Not so much.

  • @namesameasu I'm sure glad you pointed out the poor analogy these atheists made. I think it would behoove them to know that actions like reading this poorly concocted analogy is exactly why they'll be seeing a really hot place when they die. We'll just look down at them and tell Jesus that we warned them.

  • @NormanMinetaTestimon

    Translation: Hank will kick our ass? The analogy seems quite perfect to me.

  • @NormanMinetaTestimon What exactly makes "kissing hank's ass" a poor analogy for religion? OBVIOUSLY you see christianity in it, because not once do they even mention christianity. So I think you're just mad that they demonstrated how absurd your religion is, without even mentioning it by name.

  • @NormanMinetaTestimon I sure glad you pointed out the poor hot-dog these mustard eaters made. I think it would behoove them to know that actions like eating hot-dogs with mustard is exactly why Hank is gonna kick their ass. I'll kiss hanks ass for them and count my money.