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From: TheThinkingAtheist
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  • Godspeed? Is that like mach 10 or warp speed or something? "Captain, we are engaging godspeed to intercept!"

  • I'm an atheist, but I say "Godspeed" anyway, just because it's cool. Godspeed John Glenn.

  • #1-3 are conscious euphemisms, so that's 75% to your earlier 20%. Good going.

    Note: "Godspeed", thanks to the perilous implications, is the most awesome farewell ever.

  • We also say 'Bless his/her heart' when someone's had something bad happen to them..it's not *always* condescending. I'm from Alabama.We do use the condescending form as well,though.We also say 'i love him to death,but..' and that's *always* condescending.

  • This...is hilariously true. *like*

  • #2 "Bless (their,her,his) heart(s)" Is also an old word insult in the Southern U.S. ^^ It sounds polite, but it's not.

  • @J88Wolf Yeah. I live in Texas. Not the real South, but close. And I have family in Arkansas. I'm very familiar with "Bless your heart" when they really mean "What the fuck where you thinking moron?"

  • you really want a drunk carpenter back-seat-driving for your surgeon?

  • I used to be a proud christian, then I took a hitchslap to the mind

  • I used to be a master of christanese then I took... oh god please nooooooooooo.......

  • @JollySilver an arrow to the?????

  • Don't think i've ever heard "I only say this in love".... Perhaps iam talking to the wrong people.

  • #3 also implies that the surgeons don't get any credit for their surgical expertise if surgery turns out well....God will get the glory because he "guided their hands". However, if things don't go well with surgery, you can bet your ass the surgeons will carry the blame.

  • @brabanthallen and get sued by the self-same christians! When the siamese twins in England got separated last year I saw a comment "the doctors were just instruments, God did it". Made me madddddd!!!!!

  • @MsWildtiger Comments like that are enough to get any intelligent person's blood boiling.

  • i don't get #3...

  • Uneducated atheists persuade more weak minded death fearing comfort seekers to "gods". We need you fledgeling atheists to be educated. As an atheist, and a person with a grasp for particle physics.. the big bang isnt gonna win you any arguments.

  • @CthulhuIStruth Sadly, I'm not sure arguments with christians can be won. They are as stubborn as they are wrong.

  • @DuoOratar amen to that.

  • @CthulhuIStruth

    what about making fun of retarded monster motherfuck jebus who impregnated his own mother disguised as holy spook to beget himself?

  • Understanding Atheistish: 1. "We don't know! but, a "god of the gaps" is NOT responsible". 2. "Nothing was sittin' there for trillions of years... @ "infinite density"... & then, some Tuesday afternoon @ 2 o'clock 13 billion yrs. ago, this "nothing" exploded into the entire universe"! 3. (R. Dawkins said this one) We might have been visited by "a higher civilization than ours" and they "could have" seeded the planet with d.n.a.! There are just as many counter "fairy tales". God bless.

  • @bheadh i dont nor do any one i know claim to know what happened before the big bang.

  • @gibbsboroturtle Have a look on the History, Science, or Discovery channels. They do.

  • @bheadh You must be watching different channels than me. From what I've seen, they all discuss what happens after the big bang, and theorize about what the beginning of it was like. I have never seen anything go on to say that they KNOW what happened before the big bang. But, I mean, if you could tell me the show and episode number, I'll go watch it.

  • @bheadh

    ... and ur 3 headed motherfucking idiot monster god invented by bronze age nomad desert camel fucks does?

  • I only say Godspeed whenever someone is leaving in a ridiculous way, such as a Weinermobile going at 88mph.

  • that #1 "I only say this in love." is like saying "With all due respect, go fuck yourself." #2, Why just the heart? Is god an organ bigot? #3 "Godspeed." = "If you leave now, I can stop looking at you." #4 is just back to "God's will" They might as well get into a circle jerk while singing Que Sera, Sera. Get over it, Christians. SHIT HAPPENS! And most medical pros are Atheists.

  • Apart from the surgeon one I say all of these, especially the bless their heart one, always in a condescending manor too. I'm not in the slightest bit christian either.

  • Comment removed

  • I'm a vehement atheist, and I say godspeed. Of course I mean it as, "Best of luck, I hope you don't die."

  • This is both funny and disturbing.

    It's time for religion to go.

  • the fact is, using old-time beliefs, children are told that there is a god by their foolishly convinced parents. this is because the belief of a god doing good things for us is to basically mental ensure that we feel good inside. now, nearly all children believe that there is a god, and this video is a good way to turn "religious" thinking into comedy gold

  • this sh*t is freakin' awesome and hilarious...i'm so glad i found you!

  • lol fresh potato chips

  • I gotta hand it to 'em...the "true" Xristians always think of great ways to give bs. Specially, when election yrs. happen & when thier $ is concerned. HMMM

  • Can you be more biased?

  • @TheAleksmaks Bless your heart...

  • I just thought of a joke! Imagine a woman who's on a first date with a guy, and then the guy tells her he's a christian.. Then the lady says: "You are? Well, if you later come to like, maybe even love me, don't start killing your only son or something to show me how much you love me..cause that's how a christian would usually do it, isn't it?" Is that a funny joke, or should I change it a bit? Hehe:)

  • Q: if i get a cold can i call it (christiansneeze)...aaaaaachoo­oo!

  • @archonus1 lol If I could thumb up your comment, I'd do it 10 times.

  • @SuperSly1337 thnx my friend!!!!!

  • My "favorite", similar to #1, is "the lord knows my heart"; generally busted out prior to or after saying something terrible. Just sad...

  • @ReThinkingTheism it's a kissing cousin to "I know it because I felt it in my heart." Kids with crushes (and creepy stalkers) say the same thing when they think they're in love.

  • Warpspeed is far more awesome than godspeed.

  • @ArsonistInUrFirewall And Lightspeed is more awesome than that.......crap, the hyperdrive broke

  • This stuff is great! =D

  • I once bielived in god and thought evolution was a hoax then i looked into atheism and the bible and realized that religion makes no damn sense at all.

  • @TheGermanItalianGuy2 Same here.

  • @TheGermanItalianGuy2 that's why you need faith --it keeps you from thinking too much. (Which might be a religious code phrase for "just plain thinking at ALL.")

  • yup

  • Oh hey, "Beat My Guest" font.

  • 0:40 Hey! I like sluts! xD

  • what does ORLY mean?

  • @jhlovingiii you SRSLY don't know what ORLY means?

  • @jhlovingiii It means "Oh, really?"

  • @TheDemandi

    Well, in my experience with Christians, this is exactly the eye-brown crap they spill out of their mouths, in correct context and everything. I have a lower expectation of cultists than of real thinking people however, so I am not offended, they can't help it, they believe in re-re.

  • "But for the grace of God go I"

    Translation:

    God loves me more than the poor wretch to whom I am referring. That's why I'm better off in life, God loves me more. I'm special. The other person is a pitiful creature.

  • prayer is for the faithfull . to all others it is foolishness. but to give someone to God in His resurection i mercy. there is a life after this one. a life without pain to those that love God. i once thought this an impossible thing to do. but after 47 years of life He finally showed me.

  • @jhlovingiii

    ORLY ?

  • @jhlovingiii And what will you do after 999 999 999 999 999 999 years of peace in heaven?

  • @NINTEND0PR0 probably invade Poland....that always breaks things up a bit!

  • @jhlovingiii The life after this one takes place under six feet of dirt.

  • After he said (Glad I'm not going) my computer automatcly turned off

  • Theophobia. Nuff said. Hyprocrites that accuse a group of people as.."misogyny, racism, classism, xenophobia, homophobia, fear mongering, war mongering," I am sure this all excepting, fun-loving, humanist that only wants everyone to be excepted for "who" they really are,.self-promoting rhetoric is getting old. Try a new method. Church hurt or made to go to church &you want to rebel, I get it....dude. if you really didn't believe than there wouldn't be time wasted on this production-see? OLD.

  • @dan944dan U mad bro?

  • @dan944dan aah, so by expressing why you don't believe in something is actually a cry for help and there are lingering beliefs about the subject? could it be that they have come to realize the amount of hurt the religion they used to belong to is doing? and the argument is so far from true, let me provide an example of it used elsewhere. abused and oppressed women speaking out about abusive homes just want to rebel, there must be lingering beliefs that they wasn't to be abused.

  • Christians are a little derpy, bless their hearts

  • @blaklaptop ...and I know you're only saying that in love.

  • When I moved to the deep southeast and the heart of the "bible belt" I was totally unprepared. (my COEXIST tat became a proselytizer's magnet). My favorite is "I'm bringing this in Christian love", which translates that they are going to say something that has nothing to do with their religious beliefs and everything to do with their misogyny, racism, classism, xenophobia, homophobia, fear mongering, war mongering, hate mongering or whatever other mongering they have up their sleeve.

  • I only say this in love...but I think Christians are obnoxious.

  • it's great how you look past the literal meaning, and instead look at what is being implied

  • @Geokeish life experience has taught me that the literal meaning is a myth, proported by humans to sound like there is a point to their long and uninformed rant other then the ulterior meaning which has been exposited by tone, word nuances and sentence structure.

  • this is hilarious.

  • That last part was funny. When my husband was dying, for three weeks I lived on potato chips and hot chocolate out of the hospital vending machines.

  • @LadyNightthorn is he still with us or has he passed on, if he has passed my most sincere condolences ma'm.

  • @niccilomachiaveli That was 17 years ago this week and I still miss him every day.  He was my best friend for 15 years; a smart guy with an offbeat sense of humor who left behind some great memories. Thank you.

  • @LadyNightthorn he sounds like he was a great man. i am truely sorry for your loss, i understand how much it can hurt when you lose someone whom you have known for so long because of my advanced age. thank you for sharing though, it still must be a painful memory.

  • I'm christian and I don't find this offencive at all

  • I only wish I had a slutty girlfriend. Somebody who's on my level, yeah? :|

  • Holy Crap! It is ARAMAKI!!!

  • 1:24 This is my favorite, it's used way too often to rationalize why someone becomes well after medical intervention.

  • Thanks to the 383 ppl who disliked this :) It made the bar look like a joint :)

  • What a laugh! It does show up what a load of Boll**s is said by some christian people.

    Seriously though, a lot of athiests probably say a lot of cr*p stuff as well, so whatever!

    Jesus hung out with a lot of dodgy people - prostitutes, drunks, tax collectors etc. and so I bet he'd have a laugh at the pompous stuff some people spout, but it doesn't make Him or his message of love any the less real. Cheers!

  • @flumpetboy1

    who says he's trying to disprove Christianity, he's merely talking phrases that became popular and commonplace due to religious connotations

  • @flumpetboy1 you are not exactly an example of that "real love"!

  • @flumpetboy1 Granted thats not what makes him or his message fake.

    What makes it fake is that he never existed, and the things that your bible says he said are rather violent and disturbing. thats what makes his "message of love" a load of shit.

  • amazing presentation

  • Doctors and Surgeons make mistakes all the time, like in any profession.

    That point I found was just grasping at straws and not as funny as you intended because of that fact.

  • Who does your graphics, and with which software? Amazing.

  • Everyone knows that the greediest, scariest landlords are Christians. When you see a gold cross or picture of Jesus in a potential LL's office or unit, run the other way. Jesus told them to skin you alive, "Bless their heart."

  • Medical mishaps happen all the time....

  • and here i just clicked the thumbs up button...

    IT IS A MIRACLE!!!!!!!!

  • I sincerely thank you for teaching me Christianese but could you make a video on the various dialects of Christianese because I'm very scared my Protestant boss will interpret my (I'm assuming Catholic is what you are teaching) dialect of Christianese as a sign that I am a Catholic.

  • Thumbs Up if you wanted the "CONCERN" out of the shredding machien fall apart

    0:29

  • @99freethinker - Ratings are disabled on this video..

  • @piggygurl44 Same as me! It sucks being the only one in the family who is going to 'hell' doesn't it? : )

  • Haha, I always wondered what godspeed actually meant.

    Good work.

  • Christians are in denial, which is a form of delusion. They are sick and need our understanding and help.

  • @jimjim amen atheist brother

  • @jimjim

    Christian does not protect against STDs. If you are suffering from withdrawl, homophobia, willingness to kill, or idiocy, please contact your local atheist.

  • Yeah, the surgeon was studying medical practices while the other guy was at church.

  • weed goku

  • I still like telling people "Godspeed, you magnificent bastard."

  • christianeese in da house muthafuckas

  • *chirstian Irish slang. I'm not religious at all but its nice to be understanding

  • It's one thing to be an atheist and go by your way, but it's another to ridicule and put down religion. These are all just sayings and most are actually originated from Scottish and Christian

  • christians are truly worthless

  • @ImperfectXistence what in the hell is wrong with you? it is one thing to believe in no god but it is another to think because someone believes in something you think there worthless. A lot of people in the comment page are really arrogant.

  • @footballward It's better to be arrogant and right than to be humble and wrong. Maybe if you weren't so blind and thoughtless about your beliefs, you'd see the absurdity of religion and god.

    People still believe in god only because they were indoctrinated with faith since they were born. Basically, they've been taught to believe. It's like brainwashing. Fortunately, more and more people are able to break out from this mad circle.

  • @verg77 you can have a strong opinion about something and not be an asshole you know. people all over the world come to Christ including atheists. and you don't even know me dude and your acting like you know how i think. so just please stop generalizing all Christians as thoughtless idiots or at least this one cause you know hardly anything about me.

  • @footballward I've seen enough harm done by religions and faith that I just cannot bring myself to respect them. As for believers themselves, I don't say they're all (or even most of them) bad or stupid. They're simply blind. They can't or don't want to even consider rational evidence and logic, and if they do, they reject it without good reason. That, to me, is quite thoughtless.

  • @footballward When I think something is just plain stupid (and I have very good reasons to think that your faith is), I'll say that, whether you like it or not. Sorry, but that's just the way I am. I'd rather say what I think; not lie because someone might feel hurt by the truth.

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  • #1

    Mom- That lipstick makes me wonder if your brother's new girlfriend is totally a S-L-U-T

    *in the other room*

    Brother- Oh God i hope my girlfriend is a huge S-L-U-T

  • This is exactly how the Southern Baptists where I live act.  I live in the middle of the hypocritical Bible-Belt.

  • Bless your heart TheThinkingAtheist

  • I'm an atheist, but...

    #2 "Bless their Heart" isn't Christianese, that's just Southern!

    It's a way to call someone ugly or fat without sounding mean!

    "Oh she's just the fattest, ugliest thing, bless her heart!"

    See? Sounds so much nicer with those 3 little words!

  • OK video 2 time.

    #1 I will only say if I have something nice to say. But if i need to address an issue I'LL JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT.

    #2 I will only say if i mean it and not in the context of someone doing something wrong

    #3 NEVER USE (#1 and 2 i almost never use)

    #4 If God was going to preform a miracle by the time of the surgery he would have done it (which he has done B4). So he must want there to be some action taken. So now we pray that there will be no mistake in the operation.Cya next vid

  • nice videos, but way too short.

  • The Foe Within: Stubbornness on both sides, just like all fanatic hindus, islamists, etc. By the way, this video is "only" prohibited in islamic countries, eh? 虛偽結婚? ¥€$...

  • Is that the voice of William Frederick Knight, from Ghost in the Shell's English dub?

  • @3000adham I have noticed that you say this in nearly every video about christianity or atheism...why?

  • Why do people say "bless you" when you sneeze? As if the Celestial Dictator gives a rat's ass that you just blew some mucus out of your nose?

  • @3000adham

    "ISLAM IS THE WAY"

    Yes, the way to misery.

  • @MomoTheBellyDancer spagety monster > islam

  • @tilemacro RAMEN !

  • Just another proof that atheism is not really working for the sake of science but to try to ridicule religion! but if you're going to do that at least use your so called philosophical and scientific arguments and not pre-conceived ideas of what you think christianity is.

  • @Jordanicolass atheism is not about being a scientist or ridiculing religion.... dont you guys understand, atheist merely dont share a belief in your god...nothing more nothing less. this person had there own prerogative to humiliate your archaic system of worship. they also did a damn good job at it, maybe you should take notes on his points and try and improve your gods image, he certainly cant do it himself

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  • @drinkmoresoda This are just opinions n pre-conceived ideas! u got a long way to present a case against Christianity. Christianity always had enemies all I can tell u is that those enemies r way gone n Christianity still lives. Startin wit the pharisees to the roman emperors to the communist leaders. Voltaire for instance said: “It took 12 men to originate Christianity, but it will take one to eliminate it. Within 50 years from now the only Bible will be in museums” That was in 1778 n its 2010

  • @Jordanicolass By slaughtering anyone who doesn't agree with them, right?

    Very compassionate!

  • @andromidius What are you talking about, do you even know a bit of church history?

    The first 300 years of Christianity was all persecution by the Roman Empire. Christianity was illegal in the empire, they were considered less than animals, the interesting thing is that despite of all that, they kept growing in number, that is a mistery. Not even the greatest empire of the ancient world could stop them! like the pharisee Gamaliel said if this really comes from God nothing will stop it.

  • @Jordanicolass Lol crusades much? pacific shit if you ask me!

  • @buzzman360 After Constantine legalized christianity, he basically forced everybody in the empire to become a "christian", first of all it was never a genuine conversion, second of all that was the greatest damage to the church. As the roman government deteriorated the church grew, so many jumped from political positions to being priests and monks, they were just opportunists, some did good, but some just wanted to enrich themselves. Crusades came when their political power was threatened

  • @Jordanicolass the bible isn't no historical fact, don't talk like it was, your bielief/wishfull bullshit doesn't weight a shit when you got nothing to back it up with.

  • @SaerdnaOoOoo Let me give u a little archeology lesson, cause you're way behind. Let me mention a list of stuffs u can look up:

    Dead sea scrolls, list of New Testament Papyrus, Western Wall, Graves of the

    Patriarchs in Israel, Babylonian Chronicles (Nebuchadnezzar dealing with the siege of Jerusalem), Ipuwer Papyrus ancient papyri manuscript describing Egypt as afflicted by natural disasters,Cyrus Cilinder, Midianite Pottery, Arch of Titus, balaam inscription, among others, I dont have space.

  • @Jordanicolass thank you i really find these videos to be quite arrogant.

  • Bravo!!!!

  • funny

  • terrific

  • meh... irritating voice over and not very funny. I agree tho'

  • Haha, this actually helps a lot.

  • woah way hot chick at 0:37

  • This put a smile on my face. Its truthful, in all the wrong ways. XD

    This is how i talk to my religious friends.

  • Wow. What a cute way of being hateful. Bless your heart. I only say this in love, but YOU'RE A FUCKING MORON. At least I'm showing you I'm being hateful than being nice about. This vid is showing it doesn't know a damn thing about Christians. REAL Christians, not the fuckers that think they are ... like the ones that think they have to have the $500 suit for church.

  • @gendo20 hey igmo a true christian does not show hate. it says so in your silly little BLACK book. observations of criminally minded evangelicals and the like, shows very little sign of compassion, intelligence or honesty. all you people display is putrid repetitive banter about how you are so fucking right and the rest is so not like you. with good reason, and with something you so sorely lack, vision. its not 1950 b.c. anymore no matter how much you pray, only to end up disappointed n teh end

  • @mastertrev wow ... looks like i hit a nerve. A true Christian never shows hate, huh? .... eh, no one is perfect. Besides, my bible isn't black .... it's blue. ^_^ It's my Air Force bible. Has a prayer in there for military members. By the way, didn't Jesus get pissed when found a temple turned into a marketplace? I know what you mean by it not being 1950 B.C. Today being an atheist is sooooooooo in. Like for real and junk .... i kid ;P

  • @gendo20 huh? and all this time i thought you were in the navy. well, you know the saying, if you could reason with a religious person, there would be no religious people.

  • @mastertrev dude ... i'm soooo trolling you ... sorry, but i had to see how far i could take it. it was fun though, don't you think? i am a theist though. i just think that after the big bang there were WAY too many 'lucky accidents' that made everything the way it is. we as a species are just not that damn lucky lol but hey, that's just what i think. just remember what bill nye says ... science rules! ^_^

  • @TheThinkingAtheist

    I guess you're just another one of those people who think they can think "logically" by disproving something you don't agree with or having trouble understading...Or you're just plain seeking attention.

    Doctors for example, after college. Does that really mean they cannot make mistakes after they graduate? "Sh*t happens" as you say.

    I mean c'mon, you're no doctor yourself im sure. Im a born-again christian sir, we don't insult your faith.....oh, wait...you dont have any.

  • @kahitsulyaplangdarna

    Having no faith now an insult to atheists? Riiight.

  • hey thinking atheist, do some videos about hinduism, islam, and buddhism too!

  • @mariusbleek idk about buddhism due to the fact that they have no God or gods...

  • @jonjon1333 yea. So i guess out of the major religions, they are the least insane.

  • It's such a brick-in-your-face-obvious double standard. God gets credit for everything but blame for nothing? Well either he can intervene in the world or he cannot. If he gets credit for everything then he must also get blame for everything. Or, if he gets blame for nothing, then he must also get credit for nothing. You can't have it both ways.

  • Incredible Video! I LOVE EM'! Bless YOU! I Appreciate All The Hard Work & Time to Make These Videos! Thumbs UP! Thanks A LOT!

  • @KarbineKyle Who should bless him? God? You're watching this. So assuming you're an atheist, You do not believe in god? So.. Who else blesses a person? So skip the "bless you' part

  • OK if there is a god, let him come forth and change this YouTube layout.

  • The thing about doctors' work is quite annoying and also applicable to other things human beings do. It degrades the work of all kinds of professionals to them being mere puppets of God's will. Everything positive that we accomplish is God's blessing, everything that goes wrong is our own fault. What an anti-human attitude.

  • christians are truly pathetic, like jews and muslims

  • This id wasn`t that funny. I like the others better.