#6 Narcissists go from Loving to Devaluing You

[jigglyboo26]

Luckily for me I realised what he was after four months of me thinking I was literally going insane and I researched it. I confronted him with what he was and he laughed in my face and told me that's what I was, not him. Then he never called me again, just like that. I tried to warn his friends and all they did was run back and tell him because of course no one believed me. You can't even get back at the people because they don't care. Most frustrating experience of my life...

[jigglyboo26]

This video explains exactly what I have gone through in the most confusing 4 months of my life with a psychopathic narcissist.

[purplehaze20011982]

I was with a narcissist for 3 years, she describes him to a T. Everything I did to please him was never good enough, I believe that many people with this disorder have an underlying mood disorder, Bipolar II for example. Because a narcissist has unpredictable mood swings.

[GrumpSkull]

Don't buy into their shit. If they are nice, it is bait. If they are horrible, ignore and don't react. They expect a reaction to everything for their plan. I know one that verbally has a dialog like a commentory of their plan. It tells me all. Many are pretty stupid once you are on to them. Complete absense is a killer. Their plan no longer exists in my life as long as you tell them nothing they have no tools and devices.

[Jenitza82]

I NOTICED THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG AFTER 7 MONTHS OF BEING MARRIED NOW ITS BEEN 4 YRS AND NOW IM SEEING THE REAL PERSON IM SHOCKED I CANT BELIEVE SOME1 CANT HAVE FEELINGS :(

[TheAtheistAmazing]

I am a narcissist and I have to say you are spot on about us.

[DelusionDispeller]

@TrendKillaNation your post did not make any sense but I assure you that I have had MANY men that have been very interested in me and currently I am engaged to be married, so guess you are wrong and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

[phantomofoaktown]

some of this sounds like avoidant personality disorder/ with borderline traits

[annewilken]

As g-Auntie Drama I get, in a lovely way. Wants to help clean (you bet, hope he wont avoid like me helpless. Do them solo. He wants to help. Joy DrAmA Empathy, compassion, kind, silly, clown. My point, I think if kids get the care we should share. I can't believe it wont get better. This was big 4 me. Drama is OK. Not destructive, violent..Buried in leaves, sliding down steps. Ripped Screen, strays. Flirting, thats all. Abuse cycles Wdrama. Holds the cycle 2. Danger, adrenaline, cliffs e

[DelusionDispeller]

@annewilken huh?????????????

[annewilken]

I had some years with sociopath. over a yr, two? I didn't know. Studied me (wow we think, feel, love the same), another yr of insidious dehumanizing. His patience cunning, wow. By the time it was physical it was OK, I fought back briefly (few months) he'd laugh. Death, close lots. I became addicted to that drama, had an excuse to drink & screw responsible. I own my part. Almost three yes b4 abuses. The last I'm lucky. Drama still like it. Laughing, teaching, playing. Politics, LOL.

[DelusionDispeller]

@annewilken your comments are very difficult to understand.

[jigglyboo26]

@DelusionDispeller lol yes they are haha

[annewilken]

The bored comment. Flippant?

[DelusionDispeller]

@annewilken huh?

[tkathryyn]

Henpecking, criticizing, belittling.. It was hard for me to identify NPD in my x-gf because she has Bipolar type 1 which is very similar to NPD during a manic phase. After a manic episode of Bipolar type 1, usually their narcissistic like traits slowly disappear and are able to have a window of "normal" phase. Not her. Very difficult to diagnose this because Bipolar, NPD and even Borderline personality disorder are very similar. I wish I would have known back then.

[DanandDonna1]

Thank you.

[cunnidvd]

why do you have relationships with narcissists

[DelusionDispeller]

@cunnidvd I don't anymore.

[cunnidvd]

@cunnidvd glad to hear it. you deserve better. we all do.

[ontogc]

Thank you DD for your posts...very helpful.

[AllieEmet]

Nailed it. Stay away from these people at all costs.

[closer71]

Wait: WHO is the narcissist? The one attracted to the leadership/high profile position or the one who is IN a leadership/high profile position? See, the thing with psychology and other social sciences is that...grammar counts.

[DelusionDispeller]

@closer71 not real sure what this means in your post, but the narcissist can be either leader or the one following the leader.

[sugoo2]

there are so many of these psychos around, they are reptilians, always check their noses, if they have flared nostrils stay away, they are dragons and will fire you up!

[blueguise23]

They HATE kindness. They believe that it is "weakness". They loathe you for it. It they are abused by a "stronger" narcissist they like it. My husband devalues me all the time. The nicer I am to him, the crueler he is...He views me as "pathetic".

[FoodOrFail]

@blueguise23 Sweetie, you need to get out NOW. Yeah, it might hurt like hell while it's happening, but you really need to cut that psycho out of your life. And never look back.

[geganobo]

@blueguise23 Thats not narcissisme. It may just be how he handles his narcissistic feelings.

[kittygodmother]

@blueguise23 How pathetic that he is incapable of enjoying the love of a wife like yourself. Be very careful how you get away from him. He'll do ANYTHING to keep you as a victim: blackmail, hide your cats and hold them hostage indefinitely, that's what mine did. He CANNOT KNOW that you are leaving. Don't tell ANYONE. Have a place, movers and a van lined up, get out while he's at work, don't ever have contact again. Only take your things, leave behind gifts. Send divorce papers through the mail.

[kingushka]

Soooo true!!!!! U r awesome!!!!

[MrNightshade69]

its so true they chew you up and spit you out they are pure evil but we love them its sad that people do this to other i still love one and she is killing me i cant leave she dumped me but still contacts me and we have sex i know what is happening but i cant say goodbye i love her

[FoodOrFail]

@MrNightshade69 That's not love. It's lust, maybe, or need for approval, but it is NOT love!

[VchaosTheoryV]

You have a rat stash, don't talk about what you don't have or deal with. Good lord. You almost broke my screen that's high definition!

[DelusionDispeller]

@VchaosTheoryV can you please tell me what you said in English

[HaDagesh]

@VchaosTheoryV Are you by any chance a narcissist? It's pretty ridiculous that you have to try to insult this woman who has nothing wrong with her appearance when she has something intelligence to say. Does your inferior intelligence intimidate you?

[VchaosTheoryV]

@HaDagesh, i'm bored, so i've decided to be the one to stand out

[ruby2411]

Yes our relationship was quick and intense and fizzled around 5 months.It started from words and promises eg I love you to marriage and then quickly went to how could I be with someone like you and you have major anger issues and that's your downfall was the last comment before he ran off. There was no negotiation, talks, just my way or the highway as his needs were not met and he knew he could find the next person to dump his sh.. t right onto.

[Damis10001]

My narcissist gets herself worked up after spells of low energy and hiding out, by reworking old schemes of how to get rich quick (which are usually really stupid ideas or involve taking advantage of others) and then saying things like, "I'M GOING OUT OF MY MIND WITH EXCITEMENT". The scheme goes nowhere of course, but in the meantime, she'll have picked up one or two new suckers to play with before discarding them like so much trash after using them up.

[zmajski777]

OMG you are soooo right!

[alexfmd]

Thank you this is what happened to me I was told was prince and the dumped for the next sucker that will go the the pain I went through

[SuperSweetpea23]

thank you

[silkensally]

This is EXACTLY what happened to me!!! Goodness me, how similar are they?

[crystalheart9]

This is a great video, thank you so much. I have spent my entire life of 59 years trying to please my narcissistic mother. I have come to realize the more I try to please her the more she becomes displeased and the more badly she treats me.

[lindius]

Thanks DD. Your information seems the most accurate to me, but I expect it is your experience with NPD's that make your descriptions so clear.. Thank you for your vids, it is so hard to get people, even my own family to understand the horror that is living with an NPD. I feel less alone. :)

[yahssis]

I left my narcissist husband recently due to not wanting to "handle" the verbal abuse, dissociation, and degrading any longer. I began not liking who I was becoming and really started thinking about wanting to die a LOT. I am currently living in a domestic violence shelter.

[Quantanthead]

Good info...my wife had to cut off a ministry friendship because the woman, who was trying to be a pastor/pastor's wife, totally tried to manipulate and control her. She went from saying, "you're my strength" to my wife to "you'll probably come back and join us when our church is as big as the one you are going to". Needless to say, their church has folded and we recently saw them at the church we attend.

[nicee0414]

The other important fact here is that I also want to help because I cannot cut him out completely because we have 2 children and I would love for him to seek help and become a better father. As he hopefully seeks this help I also want to pay attention in fear I will need to be prepared in case 1 of my children develops issues in the future. I have read many professionals believe these things to be genetic. I am just afraid that after all is said and done I will be the one in the straight jacket.

[nicee0414]

Do I put all my hurt aside and try to help "my love" now that he realizes he has a problem? Or do I leave him with it adn his new "prey" (girlfriend). A big part of me wants to help him because hes finally listening to what I have been trying to say for almost a year now. I have put in all the work, and taken all the abuse for trying to help him understand what is really going on.

[nicee0414]

I feel things very deeply and is also 1 reason I have not been able to let go of "my love" I am hurt to the core! I had all theses hopes and dreams and thought we would be raising our babies together, building a life. Then he threw me out like yesterdays trash! HIs childhoold was not pleasnt either, and has a longer list of family members with mental disorders. It is one giant MESS! I just dont knwo where to start. Also, I do not know what I am supposed to do.

[nicee0414]

To "calm" my rage I used to inflict pain on myself. I have not done that in a long time and honestly forgot that I even used to do it at all. Now I do not believe myself to be insane but as a result of everything lately I am trying to also figure myself out. I know I am not narcissistic because I am full of compassion for others.

[nicee0414]

. I moved out of the house with my father to live with we will call him "my love", and after he left me I had no choce but return to the unhealthy home wih my father. So being abused by both of them at the same time adn being pregnant and feeling abandoned has not been a fun road! Somedays I just want to welcome a nice quiet white padded room! My childhood was not "normal" and thinking back I had alot of rage when I was younger.

[nicee0414]

In educating myself on personality disorders this past year I feel very confident in saying that my father is also a narcissist. From things I have read it explains that I have been "conditioned" from living with one narcissist adn that could be why my relationship with the father of my children went as well as it did for as long as it did. I am finding myself questioning my own sanity lately. Everything is a mess.

[nicee0414]

HIs behavior, "feelings", wants, and moods are all over the spectrum one day to the next. Two days ago I finally made some progress that he did not deny the next day. I have sent him information and some of your you tube videos and he admits to identify with them and is scared. His new girlfriend doesnt know him and cant help him. I dont know what to do because on my quest to help him I am also losing myself.

[nicee0414]

He left our home and already had another woman lined up and moved in with her. Its been 10 months since he left, the entire time I have been battling with him adn being tortured by him. I just wanted him to understand what was really going on. I did research I tracked down ex girlfriends I spoke to his family (although he is not very close with anyone but me) and there is not a doubt in my mind he is a narcissist.

[nicee0414]

Im 25 years old and in love with a narcissist. I lived with him for 3 years. We have a 3 year old son and a 3 month old daughter. I started peicing things together when I became pregnant with our daughter. As I began to unravel all of the patterns and lies he completely FLIPPED OUT on me and left me while I was 3 months pregnant with her.

[LUVJONZ99]

Great explanation, I have learned a lot without being overwhelmed with psychological terminology. Right now I am dealing with a number of people who have "found" religion and practice spiritual abuse....I set my boundaries and in a nonconfrontational way let them know I know their motives.

[Samua3]

Could Narcissism actually be Aspergers? The cruel comments and put-downs because they just see things their way and can't understand that you might have feelings too? My husband was everything you are saying. He left eventually in a final attempt to crush me but I held him to it. Someone asked me if he had Aspergers and when I looked it up it seemed almost identical to NPD but just with naive motives instead of evil. Is it the same thing with 2 names? I still love him inexplicably. x

[Winter077]

What's worse it that the pedo/narcassist had her family dupped. EWW is right!

[DelusionDispeller]

N's usually DO have people duped.

[Winter077]

You have the cutest lisp :-)

[DelusionDispeller]

aw thanks. I find it pretty annoying myself! My one daughter has one too.

[Winter077]

Ok, I'm biased, I kind of have one too..lol

[toffee20]

Thank you DelusionDispeller, you've really done your homework on this subject, that's cleared a lot up for me....

[DelusionDispeller]

I'm so glad. What's been going on with you lately? Stay in touch.

[1princescup]

Yeah, that was my experience with a narcissist. I went through all these same things when I was a teenager and this guy was 60. He would degrade me infront of my family. It was terrible dealing with him because my family backed him up and turned against me instead. Why? He had more confidence than I did and nobody wanted to be his next victim.

[DelusionDispeller]

I am so sorry, 1prince. How are you doing now?

[DelusionDispeller]

I'm sorry that a person posted nasty language and heartless words toward you too. I deleted them.

[blaqfather]

Yes, you have the pattern down here. They also run away from real responsibilities or the truth that they never want to face. They are good with the "delegation" of duties to others but they rarely do the actual work themselves. In the workplace I keep on saying to them :

" Somebody has to do the actual work. "

[blaqfather]

Well, they have "crashes" and things end abruptly. Yes, its about 6 months. They can't ever seem to complete the 100 or more incomplete delusional projects they are working on. They insult you like a teen-ager because they are stuck there psychologically. They may be 50, but they are still worshiping their teen-age years when they thought they were the best, smartest or greatest ideal person.