dissociation

[CoolWhiteChick]

Bravo for your courage in posting this for the benefit of others. I get it, I totally get it! I'll tell you one thing, I'm glad to see that when people have decided to criticize on this post, you care enough about yourself and are strong enough to defend yourself with class. Well done, chica! Incredible bravery and guts. I applaud you and wish you peaceful days filled with sunshine and moonlight.

[1989MJF]

I've maybe left one comment on youtube in my life, but I was trying to find a song with dissociation in the title and I saw this video, and felt I had to say something. Even if what I'm going to say is stupid. I don't have what you have, but I know what it is like to suffer from something that is entirely mental, and I just wish I could hold you. you just look so distraught in this video, and it mirrors how I feel many days, so I understand.

[fiendishhh1]

@justagurl23. Whoa, calm down lady. I was going by the clinical definition of it, that's all. If you disagree with it, take it up with psychology in general, not me. I AM sorry - for complimenting you (which you ignored because you're obviously more interested in being rude than mature). There ARE ways to disagree with someone without being a jerk, you know. But I guess you're just an immature attention seeker. By the way, being mentally ill does not give you a free pass to be a b*tch. :)

[justagurl23]

@fiendishhh1 you call that rude? you obviously don't know me. i'm not sure how you intended me to take that when you come onto my personal channel and tell me what i do or don't deal with. your 'clinical definition' actually wasn't. i work with a professional and know what dissociation is. i also have read a lot of books and articles on the various types, so i think i would know what i deal with having lived with myself for 28 years. and you are calling me rude while saying i'm being a bitch? ha

[justagurl23]

@fiendishhh1 there are different levels of functioning while a person is dissociative as well as varying degrees and types of dissociation, so you can't really tell me what i experience since you do not know how it is internally for me, and you AREN'T me. i'm confused HOW you can even say that since people who dissociate still can and DO move their body, can speak, etc. so to say that makes absolutely zero sense to me.

[TheComputerMaster]

i got Dissociation today and its really weird theres you have a FEELING of no feelings and its real its worse then depression but at the same time i do not have anxiety or bipolar symptoms while this is happening

[goldenlink10]

You're beatifull, keep taking it day by day, find little things that makes you happy eventually you will be happy. But it's tough when your concience won't let you. I wish you the very best, kind regards. ;-)

[ashes4funtimez]

I rarely comment on videos but I swear I could have made the same type of video, all these things happen to me. Lately a lot more and I'm scared of blacking out so I wanted to find a video to learn more in addition to therapy and also out of fear but I see a lot in common between us though I know this is an older video. I too dealt with it heavily before and it's come back more strongly now. I also have an ED. Eating is only another trigger for me but I can't control what I do when I'm dissocia

[gobsiter]

dont get me wrong here i realy admire your bravery in talking about these things online. but if you are taking large amounts of seditives especialy benzos they can create similar symptoms not saying thats the cause for shure but its somthing to think about. admitadly with all iv read on psycyatry psycoligy dissociation is somthing iv glossed over but ill be cheacking it out again. iv my own mind demons bipolar, psychosis, addiction socail phobia ect keap going you will make it if you keap trying

[MyDadWorksAtMarcs]

quit doing drugs, start exercising, eating health remember food is your medicine, and start meditating it will clear the mind of what ever is bothering you. Start being more of a positive person, you gotta wake up everyday and just think POSITIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[justagurl23]

@MyDadWorksAtMarcs again, i do not do drugs. this video was three years ago, and my dissociation was from childhood trauma, so before you think you know what you are talking about, maybe think first to see if you actually KNOW the facts.

[louea380]

@justagurl23 Well said ^^ ignorant people huh?

[womanbeing]

@justagurl23

Good for you!! Your response is right on!! Fact is that most people do not understand or relate to some conditions people suffer with and through. I think you are very courageous and your video serves to enlighten and help others. Bless you!

[mrandisg]

As I watched this video, I found myself relating to you. I'm currently in counseling for depression and anxiety, and there have been times I have felt the same way you were feeling in this video. Hope you are feeling better now.

[womanbeing]

@MyDadWorksAtMarcs

Simple as that eh?

Just do those things and all will be well?

Certainly the things you subscribe are helpful BUT not a cure all, particularly for the condition of PTSD and related symptoms.

[SaerdnaOoOoo]

@MyDadWorksAtMarcs Good advise. But it's easier said than done. Trauma reduces motivation. But the first step is to stop trying to hide ones problems. People need to communicate more. I remember a lot of people who lived by intimidation behaviour. A lot of teenagers do that and it was another hindrance for that first step towards my own succesive cognitional rehab. To not be ahamed of my misfortunes and figure out how to cope.

[mgallegos55]

Wow. That's all I can come up with to say. This whole time I felt I was all alone, lost in limbo and felt like I would never come back to the surface. You don't know how much this video reached out to me

[justagurl23]

@mgallegos55 i'm sorry you are struggling with this. i hope it gets better for you..it has for me, mostly. nutrition was a big part for me, i think...and well, having supportive people to help build your self worth and strength up. usually i still have dissociative episodes if i am not eating well or if something with someone/something has triggered me..stress...life..lol

[MysticTasha16]

I know you said this video is 2 years old, so hopefully you are doing better now. You mentioned you felt badly about eating too much and your stomach not being flat. I know how you feel. I dissociate too and I also have an eating disorder (I'm not saying you have one too) and I notice it gets worse when I don't eat.

[justagurl23]

@MysticTasha16 actually, i struggled with anorexia for 7 years...and during this video. i am three years into recovery at the moment andthe dissociation has lessened also.

[TheFrozenYak]

What did you do to stop this, because this has been with me for about a month and a half, and doesnt seem to go away.

[justagurl23]

@TheFrozenYak i didn't do anything to make it stop, it just did on its own. you can try grounding techniques. sometimes a med might help, but not sure i'd go that route. sometimes it's just....there..and i have no idea how to make it better.

[TheFrozenYak]

@justagurl23 Oh okay, thanks i might try that :)

[getfunky79]

hey justagurl23 ure not alone in this shit !!!! I suffer from depersonalazation !! it sucks girl and I know how it feels . Today morning I had one of those like everybody around me was having fun and I just felt numb and couldnt enjoy whats happening . My vision becomes blurry kinda like and I feel like im in a dream state!!! God be with you!!!

[cate2728]

I was in the hospital once and they said I was having this. It lasted about a month...I've never read about it and just happened to come across your video, but I'm wondering how often this happens to you?

[justagurl23]

@cate2728 it used to happen a lot. when i have too much stress to handle, it happens too...not as often as it used compared to when this video was made..but it can come and go at any time really.

[cate2728]

@justagurl23 Thanks for replying. I really hope it keeps getting better for you.

[reaper0004]

Is this like dissociation identity disorder

[CharmedQuarkZ99]

When bad things are done to children, they "go away" or "dissociate as is the clinical term. They do this to block out the ugliness which a child cannot comprehend. Often they become very good at "going away" and continue as adults. Then the psychiatrists measure it on their charts and graphs as a "mental illness". When Multiple Personality Disorder first appeared, the "professionals" argued it was not real. When they looked into DID, and the dynamics they know it is an automatic defense.

[izan20]

I can really relat to what your saying in your video.I feel the same way to. ANd i think its a good thing of you that you talk about it :)

[brainiacbelle]

It's Depersonalisation and Derealisation ...it sucks. I've had it 2 years. There's no meds for it but anti-anxiety and depression meds can help in certain situations. Psychotherapy and/or CBT is the best route.

[luticia]

Had it 4 years:it came and it went,came again, went again. It was pure hell! I'm sooooo glad and relieved I haven't suffered from it since several weeks. But sometimes I'm very close to. My big anxiety that it will come back one day is always with me, every day.

[justagurl23]

this video is also 2 years old..so...that is all i am going to say.

[TheHellBound666]

hope you're feeling ok.

[littlelakeloco805]

fuck i guess im not thee only one that has the same shyt you know... ii share your pain and understand how you feel cuz i have the same thing...

[xxnita87xx]

Hi babe, just wanted to say, I've recently been told I dissociate.. it's not a fun thing, and when you come out of 'zoning out' it's really freaky isn't it? what you are feeling is normal, alot of what you said I feel too. Hang in there, you aren't alone! please priave email me if you ever want to talk!

[commi3d0ntcar3]

This makes you unique. No matter how much u feel dissociation that should give u a sense of self. I wouldn't change u for the world, human expression is rare these days.

[Brando441]

hey i know how u feel..

ive had it since i was little

if u want to talk or sumfin send me a comment

[DeusEbrius]

Is this natural form of dissociation anything like DXM or ketamine-induced dissociation? Is everything different while dissociated like this (visually, do things seem alien)? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, is there any way I can make myself permanently dissociated, without tons of DXM and psychosis?

[justagurl23]

i don't even want to acknowledge your questions because they are so ridiculous but the dissociation i have experienced has nothing to do with drugs. being dissociated for long periods of time is hell and i have no idea why anyone would seek it out. i think you need some help or something.

[DeusEbrius]

Haha, I won't respond with excessive negativity because I feel bad for you. I know your dissociation isn't drug related. I asked what it was like visually. I would seek it out because I THOROUGHLY enjoy the extreme dissociation I recieve from drug-ingestion. It only lasts for about 12 hours, but there's some random dissociation for months afterward, which I also enjoy. That said, I'm wondering if it's possible to have some full time dissociation, because it's great from what I've felt. Lol.

[justagurl23]

visually, i don't know. it is more of a mental hell..i don't have full awareness around me so i couldn't tell you how it is.

[skateitorloveit]

you obviously dont have the same thing because its an extremeley uncomfortable thing to go through

[alaskaunicorn]

Hiya, Justagurl23, you are SO pretty!!! It's so encouraging to know that other ppl have the same difficulties that I do...sometimes I feel so alone, isolated in my insanity...thank you so very, very much for sharing this vid, I think that it was hard for you to do, & I'm completely impressed!!

[powerkitemad]

I have just been going through some of your videos in a bid to make sense of my own life. Strange how that works!?

[justagurl23]

It is hard to explain, and I believe it also can be on a continuum, so a person can have some degree of it, but the other parts/personalities don't live their 'own' lives, but also in saying that, every person normally experiences different parts, but I don't believe that is related to dissociative disorders, if you get what I mean.

[justagurl23]

Well, it's one type of dissociative disorder. It's caused in childhood from severe abuse or other trauma where the mind in a way shuts down your awareness of the world around you. DID specifically is when your mind creates other personalities or fragmented parts that hold memories/feelings from trauma. It causes time loss or haziness and other parts are triggered from stress or reminders of trauma.

[justagurl23]

Well, I have PTSD and dissociative symptoms that go with it. I have had a lot of different types of episodes, and it isn't clear exactly what it is. I've experienced things like DID (not schizophrenia), that happens when triggered or stressed, but doesn't happen as often as a lot who have DID. So, I don' t know the true answer. Every system and experience is different for each person too though.

[guitardrew05]

so  im confused is this the same thing as someone who has different personalities or even just one other who has their own name, etc. you know what i mean, is that just non medicated DID, or is your's a much less degree than the type where you have different named people living in you?

[singerpic88]

thank you for posting this video.

i know its tough but stay strong.

[lovedetective]

I was able to pull myself together by hiring a publicist, a person who forced me to see all of my 'selves' in order to write a resume for something I really wanted / needed to do. I would need all of those 'selves' to cooperate in order to accomplish a goal that was very important. Important enough to be highly motivated to succeed.

I tell you this only because hope is important. There is hope. I swear. Try to articulate that methodology & that brought me to your vid.

Again, thanks for truth.

[yoannvideo]

you so cute! ! !

stay strong i know what you're feeling.

Yoann

[mikeyyy10000]

on wiv me, my doctors are a disgrace ,im 10 months clean of lorazepam my central nervous system is damged kind of but thy say can heal but i am very very numb emotionally blocked like how you seem to be in the video and still a total wreck, cannot define the anxiety disorder tot he withdrawals either but i mange to hide it very well andim still humurous im very phobic though anyways woudl liki toget to know your story better and i saw yousaid you feel betterwhich is good :)whats the secrets lol

[justagurl23]

for one, i don't care about whatever you are trying to get me to look at. i've researched meds, and i'm probably not the one you should be saying all that to. i've been on and off meds for 12 yrs. and i do know what they can do.

[ConmanJohnson]

I'm currently going through a period of dissociation myself. During school it's the worst. Walking through the halls sometimes I feel as if I'm not really there and I have to close my eyes and regain composure. I haven't really heard about others that have had it so it's frightening to think that it won't go away.

[justagurl23]

it can go away. this video is old and currently, the last few months for me have been almost dissociation free. so, it can lessen.

[lovedetective]

congratulations on being free of dissociation. Keep practicing :) It does get better. Thank you for posting this video. Helped me a lot.

[justagurl23]

Unfortunately, I am not free of it. I had a few months where it was ok, but I still do have it. I doubt it will ever 100% go away.

[singerpic88]

Im sorry,but stay strong,me too,school is hard for met too.because i have no one to explain it to,you know?

some things are getting better,some worse.but I'm still standing because I know im gonna be someone and ill do everything i can to accomplish all of my dreams because im worth it, you are too, we all are.

stay strong.youre not alone.

[LEE929394]

I've had this many times but not very severely.The shift in consciousness and perception is horrible especially in social situations.I hope things are better for you now Justagurl23.

My situation was bought on by excessive amounts of MDMA & cannabis. To anyone who takes chemicals and/or pot be careful,once you get the warning signs it is time to cut down or stop.Your situation will spiral out of control if you don't and your mind will take many years to heal. Stay positive! x

[dutchDH]

I started having a huge fear of death or close people dying. I also felt like I lived in a kinda bubble, and all the particles and atoms in the world were apart of me so whereever I went I was locked in and suffocated. Now the way I cured this, was to start forcing myself to see people, and make new friends, do more physical things, i joined the gym and a salsa class lol, and it made me feel totally better, I also keep pictures of beautiful pictures of nature. basically view life as wonderful.

[dutchDH]

Ive had this and it seems a terrible and frightening thing to happen, it really really scared the crap outta me, I think it came from having a sudden death in the family and then a horrific car crash on the way home from the funeral. Anyway I thought it would never leave me, I felt I didnt know who I really was, my past was even dissociated from me, so therefor I couldn't identify with myself, and with close people, my son, my gf, my family I felt I didn't know them and felt alone and frightened

[BoyishlyCuteBritYank]

everyday, I saw people DIE. In Iraq, EVERYTHING was dead or dying. I saw shit that makes grown men cry. Peeps ask me oh u got picture? Why? Why would I want pix? the shit is forever in my head. I saw humanity diminish. I saw things that have given me

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And PTSD FUKIN sux ass. Imagine intrusive thoughts, flashbacks while at work? Or the adrenaline rushes, or the 1000 yrd stare while trying to work a full time job? PTSD can KILL. Its a DEATH sentence. -From a veteran

[BoyishlyCuteBritYank]

I served in Iraq. I saw shit I wish I didnt. I saw humanity at its worst. things that human are far more capable of doing things to other humans, the shit I saw, still leaves me with cold nite sweats, horrible brutal nightmares, always in tuned to abnormal sounds in my hood, always securing my doors and checking my peritmeter, or gate and fence.i get flashbacks, I see peeps here at home treat eachother like shit, and that makes me run to my car and cry. I saw the worst of the worst everyday.

[ballinakill2007]

I have this for 3 years now, i got it from jet lag (didnt sleep whilst travelling to cape town all the way) missed loads of hours, any1 know how i can get rid of it ? i really feel terrible with it w.b thanks ! ""

[sturgles]

I seem to dissociate at the worst times, like driving. I've almost gotten into accidents. Recently, I was dissociative, and I walked across the street when oncoming traffic had a green light and almost got run over because I was soooo out of it. I was in NYC. That was not good. The problem is, I can never tell when its coming. Usually, I'm not stressed out or overwhelmed at all. Everything seems fine and then all of a sudden I get that feeling...

[KB1KOI]

I know how you feel, I had a couple bouts with it one in 2000 (first time camping) and 2005 (First camping trip out of state in VA). You feel like your disconnected, you feel like you don't who you are, you try and ponder that, it almost puts you into a panic attack. For me I tend to sleep it off and the next morning no problem

[lisamarie2683]

i have this , it is caused by a tramatic event that happened in ones life or having a parent whos always negative...dont feel alone

i wish you good luck, human contact helps.

[mattmcconathy]

i so want to understand. I have expereinced dissociation, the numbness that comes over my head, i rerember back in 2005 was the worst year ever. Im finally, i have to put up masks to cover up myself, people think im fake, but they dont know what i feel inside either. Really fear just consumes me. I hate when bad things happen.

[argcsae]

i have depersonalization and memory loss of course, im eating little better now, and im trying to live, and i feel strong sometimes and in the ground other times. I Undgerstand u and im so sorry that u have this sh***t, and i also know nothing that i can say will make u feel better, but im with u, i feel exactly as you. god bless u.

[Huliojohnson]

only som people get this feeling, its something i cant explain in words, im 17, and i dunno it used 2 make me anxious cuz its jus so abstract and unreal, feels like desavu, ur not alone, and i am positive that social interaction is the cure or a tleast temporary cure. U r not alone, cheer up, :)

[countingdown27]

I can really relate, I'm glad you put up videos, because it really does help alot of people who feel the same way... well, I havent checked your latest vid but I hope you are having good times as well now...

[UnificationNow]

hang in there and be kind to yourself

[halfzen]

Are you sure it's a dissociation?

The Wikipedia articles on dissociation, depersonalization, and derealization do not mention memory loss.

Do you think it could be delirium/dementia?

I don't mind the the derealization feeling. But I do mind memory loss. My speech also becomes impeded.

The Wikipedia article on delirium mentions all of these symptoms including reduced (ability to shift) attention, and decreased problem-solving skills. All of which I seem to be having and I'm getting paranoid.

[justagurl23]

memory loss is related to a dissociative disorder i have. when your brain gets overwhelmed and shuts down, there will be small gaps in memory..or at least, make things hazy.

[andystokie]

Hi justagirl, just a suggestion but Have you tried changing your diet, things like gluten can play havoc with your mental state and sense of well being, aswell as many physical symptoms such as stomach problems.

I am suffering similarly to you in this video right now, typing this message feels weird, are these my fingers ?

[justagurl23]

my eating is kind of better (i am in kind of, recovery from anorexia). this video was done a year ago. the dissociation depends on stress, sleep, diet..etc. so..it's really on and off.

[andystokie]

Have you ever been tested for a food intolerence like gluten/wheat ? worth looking into imo, it can be done with a simple blood test i believe, ive not been tested but started a gluten free diet around 4 weeks ago and whilst ive i had some ups and downs, possibly due to withdrawl symptoms, i feel my mood is lifting and am feeling somewhat "normal", or normaler than i have been feeling of late.

[justagurl23]

no i haven't had that. my medical dr. will not do food allergy testing, or refer me, so i will probably look into a naturopath clinic to do that.

[tinagiuta]

whats dissocation?

[willly91]

I suffer from d.p and im only 15. i hope it dosnt last too long. i hear it passes over in time. sometimes it feals alot like a dream , like im waching myself in a movie. everything i say seams like som1 else is saying it. dont worry babe your not alone. can any1 tell me if it passes in time or how to help get over it. i dont want to live in a dream forever man

[Smitfraud101]

dude,am 17, and i have the same shit as you,started when i was 16, and its really annoying,affecting my social life, education, and my relationships with friends and families, do really hope it goes away, otherwise, its all over for me.

[singerpic88]

im pretty close to your age, and i totally understand.

it makes you feel insane sometimes...nobody understands..but its okay...

but stay strong,youre worth it.

[rdlmethis]

try joining the dp self-help forum online support group. search for dp self-help forum. it really has a bunch of great people on it and they have all helped me so much with my dp/dr.

[PeaceLoveEternity]

You are going to be okay, your very much alive, and very beautiful, I have DP also along with social anxiety disorder, it sucks a lot I know. But learn to cope with it and live with it and do the best you can.

[maarakailet1]

Just wanted to let you know that I have DP and you are not alone. It sucks, but it helps to know there are people who understand.

[lovedetective]

Yes. Yes, it does. So glad I found this today as I reflect on how I came 'round the dissociative bend to a better place. Not so easy to recall what it felt like in retrospect. Good news is, it can & does get better. With work & love.

[iheartsomeone88]

you look pretty depressed... maybe you should see a doctor about that and your stomach.... I'm not saying this to be sarcastic er anything.. but seriously anti-depressants help A LOT!! It won't change you.. just make you happy.. please don't think this is an insult at all!

[justagurl23]

go to my video, where it talks about all the stuff i've done med/therapy wise in the last 10 yrs.

[GRAVES1987]

i was diagnosed with bi-polar damn...

[bmuseful]

Hey babe I could see in your eyes that you were someplace else, hang in there :)

[Marihani]

My digestive system got sent for a loop in connection with a really bad food poisoning. It took months and months for it to get back to something like normal. Be patient, Ashley. Look back weeks, not days, to see the progress.

Hugs!

[roxz214]

Ashley, I know what it's like to just lay there in bed trying to sleep with so much just running through your head, it's awful...I'm on seroquel now to...I can relate to feeling like a zombie the next day, but sometimes I don't care as long as everything just stops....I dunno..hope you feel better Ashley!

*hugs*

[xXParadoXx]

i think its really courageuous of you to post a video of your self in a dissocialtive/depersalized state. I havent watched any of your other videos but will in the morning...thanks for the subscribe..i think we can really relate in many ways *hugs*

[Spencer522652]

I agree I also can relate.

[ytjulio]

[hug].

[scobay32]

I watched your slide show again and again... i cried... it meant alot to read it, keep going Ashley, you are loved sweety. :)

[johnb2003]

Please Aahley thake care of your self you are a beautiful person and you have been helping a lot of people on here just hold in their we all love you lots of Hugs

[SusansCorner]

Sweetheart, you are courageous to get on camera, tell what you feel so people can understand to some degree what you experience daily. By doing this you are facing yourself. We are our own worst enemy, because we are critical about ourselves more than anything. You can't heal overnight. One of my favorite lines is Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it..yet. I pray your tomorrows will grow brighter with each step you take. Your a sweetheart.((Hugs))

[leonajulia]

::hugs:: i hope tomorrow is a better day for you! take care =]

[jesmalu]

i can totally relate. ((hugs))

[iamlakota]

i don't often comment on your vids... i really should though... i want you to know that i watch them all. i find myself thinking about you from time to time. dissociation is a tough experience to reconcile at times, i wish there was something more that i could do for you. posting the way you do takes tremendous courage. you give others insight into things they might have never known. ***HUGZ***

[leezie666]

I'm sitting here nodding in understanding. And I hope people who maybe can't relate but wish they somehow grasped what this is like get some type of understanding watching this.

*hugs* to you. I hope tomorrow is better.