Garfunkel and Oates, "I Would Never (Have Sex with You)"

[jailsonmendesurso]

Go to hell filthy bitches.

[highschooly]

To be fair the girl on the right is one of the ugliest fucks i have ever seen in my life, would probably bang the one of the left though.

[kescores]

@highschooly Don't be such a pussy, she's perfectly fuckable

[deadman204]

ugly bitches would not bang

[catalystGenome]

BITCHES AND WHORES

[SirMiba]

Silly women. How else would I become a wizard?

[dan290397]

Well, at least I can think of having sex with both of you all night...well at least for the next 3 minutes.

[IZIKICONIC]

hahaha this is funny

[BalancedSpirit79]

Funny song, but it's hard to hear you singing over the maracca...

[elsaroo]

I love how men take this stuff personally... Who "dislikes" cute, witty girls? Lame!

[jesuped]

89 people will never have sex with them.

[BalancedSpirit79]

@jesuped But many more people will, apparently...

:: likes video :: :D

[Lanterfantable]

@jesuped Haha, oh wow.

[MrDopekid7]

What about me?;D

[jukoi]

Friend Zone: The Original Soundtrack.

[KHIMERA609]

Well if that's the case I am getting the hell out of here.

[alypanda123]

this song just made my day XD

[megagleek98]

Aren't u from raising hope?

[realist489]

FRIENDZONED



[thewickedaddict]

sounds like this guy has been friend-zoned

[mkb285]

"Our lips will never touch,so kiss that thought goodbye"MY MIND IS OFFICIALLY BLOWN

[farhadabtahi]

Wow you people are horrible... LOVE =3

[TheVarulfen]

All these haters here got friendzoned. :P

[sebastianenslev]

omg they are bad ? sorry girls

[zeddie7teddie]

hahaha that's so funny. NOT.

[zzz43452]

Sounds to me like song about yet another... girl, who had many fun events from a boy, but cant give anything to him, besides sex.

Id say they both look dumb enough, so i could believe its their life-story.

Right performer for this song, i admit.

*Clap-clap.*

[Theresnoiinfuckyou]

Re record without the shaker thing though, its too loud and messes with the singing.

[Theresnoiinfuckyou]

That was funny as shit!

[mikalrangy]

she is

[Danjoz100]

girl with black hair u look like the girl from scrubs :D

[BitsyBang]

@Danjoz100 She is the girl from scrubs :D

[mike23984]

@Danjoz100 she is from scrubs, are you trolling?

[beanodonnell]

this song is why im a misogynist

the friend zone makes me want to be a murderous rapist but probably not in that order

when are women going to learn theres no such thing as a straight male guy who just wants to be ur friend just say yes or no dont string him along and go through stupid bullshit

[Ofir84]

@beanodonnell

cool story bro...

[zvent1]

You two are so talented!

[exaggeratebliss]

I need to sing this song the next time i friend zone.

[JerichoCross777]

DAMN YOU FRIEND ZONE!!!!!

[Xxweirdmonkey15xX]

these women are as harsh as they are beautiful... I love them

[VerucaAssalt]

Can I get the uke chords for this song somewhere?? I just got a lil ukey and I've been wanting to learn this song!

[JunoMacguff2012]

At 1:00... "Remember the time we went to go get a ____ Dance Dance Revolution, so we won/bought a key chain, let's do it again." Anybody?

[IWillCommentOnVideos]

@JunoMacguff2012 Remember the time we went to Dave and Busters

Dance dance revolutioned

'Til we won a keychain

Let's do it again

[JunoMacguff2012]

@IWillCommentOnVideos Thank you! Was driving me crazy.

[JdmW047269]

They're just cute!

[UncleFexxer]

But... but... I love you so much... both of you... shit.

Awesome song. Kinda depressing but awesome.

[lightsoul007]

@lightsoul007 Well perhaps that takes it a bit far. But still, low blow :D

[hellotralala]

Ultimate friend zone song :))

[MusicMan3423]

I have to disagree Rikki. Just one look and you would tear your panties off : ))

[Canonpedua12]

I wish I could hear over that raddle.

[kiddznitch]

oh :(

[HugzTiem]

Nooooo, Kate, don't say that to me :[

[ravenstromdans]

Weird. I kinda feel like Riki was singing right at me.

Bummer.

[psyshock918]

@ravenstromdans My heart just broke =[

[AWshred]

lol this is awesome, but yeah i'd never bang either of them.

[stevesmithphotog]

Who cares? They have mosquito-bite boobs anyway.

[tib0ulay]

I really laugh when I saw a girl posted this on my best friend's Facebook wall. xD

[LordSanta78]

don't worry, I feel the same

[iamjurell]

What a depressing video.

[EdwardTheGreat]

french fries :3



[rivenrock]

The maraca further from the mike next time, please.

[NumbFlynn]

Oates is supposed to be on the left... :(

[obeserobot]

les... bo



[Deadsticle]

I love this song and I'm a guy. Anybody who is made sad by this song NEEDED to hear it.

[kingkye262]

@Deadsticle but if the song made you sad, it means you know ur in the friend zone. so....you wouldn't need to hear it.

[Deadsticle]

@kingkye262 You're supposed to be able to know! Otherwise you just do that sad thing guys do where they are basically male girlfriends for years and years.

... And that's just painful to watch....

[ExecutionOfAllThings]

Fuckin Marrockin!! <3g&o

-izzle

[Master11119]

bitches and whores ;_;

[squamish4244]

@Master11119 They're just telling it like it is, dude.

[Master11119]

@squamish4244 Yeah, 'cause they're b-b-b-b-bitches and, and.... whores...

[yorgod123]

Thank you for giving shape to my self loathing paranoia about sex. I always knew there was more to that sentence, "No, you're great. Any girl would be lucky to have you." Now, excuse me while I go draw a hot bath and open a couple veins.

[1zalex1]

Wow. How horribly mean... not to mention the comments that ensue.

[peaceloveandpie]

XD

[Trollsnews]

this song makes me happy for some reason ... I guess because it's not about me

[robshimer]

I love Italian woman!

[danzoDennis]

:D

[jccjccjoanne]

81 people will never get to have sex with these two hot girls...

[Durmindo123123]

this makesme cry

[ElGeecho]

This song could pretty much be about me right now. Shit.

[pizzamanchris14]

the gooch!

[DirtbagEconomics]

ha the one on the right did the intro to Raising Hope on FOX for the 2011 Season Premiere (s02e01).

[Sanguinis666]

@DirtbagEconomics the one on our right had a cameo on Raising Hope as well as the clerk girls sister, as well as playing "the Gooch" on scrubs, lol

[shutinanxiety]

@Sanguinis666 It's not a cameo. Kate plays the recurring role of Shelley, Sabrina's cousin, on raising hope. She was in 11 episodes of the first season. She runs the day care where Hope goes while Jimmy mows lawns :) hence the intro on the premier. She's the main reason i watch raising hope. The fact that the show is really funny is just a bonus! lol

[Selor]

Heard to often :D

[badazzpresidents23]

Awesome :)

[ithegyspsi]

DAMNIT

[hsd6553]

needs less girl on the left

[TheBananasInHammocks]

I fucking love these two :')

[torrid426]

This is why you stop talking to any woman who puts you in the friend zone.

[TheOneThatYouLoathe]

@torrid426

So you don't care if you get along and have fun together and enjoy eachother's company. If a girl won't have sex with you, you don't want anything to do with her. Is that what you're saying? You know, maybe girls are worth more than their vaginas. They're people with thoughts, feelings, interests, and a longing for platonic companionship.

[torrid426]

@TheOneThatYouLoathe

Wow all pussy hurt.

If you would pay attention while reading this will work much better "This is why you stop talking to any woman who puts you in the friend zone" Someone who gets PUT in the friend zone does not want to be there.

Secondly the song makes it clear the guy is interested in her and she is not interested but he can linger on as a friend.

Women make fine friends, romantic interest do not make good friends.

[lightsoul007]

@TheOneThatYouLoathe Well yes, but I think the bigger implication is that a romantic relationship is not possible. If it were just vagina a guy were after, he could go to any other girl, pretty much like 99.7% have one.

It's more than just sex, it's romance/companionship/love that a guy dissed by this song would be after. I don't see why people can't understand how much it hurts to want someone who will never EVER want you back. I mean, we've all been there, guys and girls alike.

[xXNoirXx89]

remember me on a "girlfriend"..... fuck off

[vivalazombi3]

How awkward would it be if your sister sang this to you... o_O

[iryshmann]

That's OK. Sit back and I'll rub one out on your chin instead.

[shanui18]

you guys are awsome!!! you have to come to israel to perform!!

[Thoviefeh]

It's the saddest song in the world T_T (I'm a man stop make me suffer bad ladies *cry*) !!!

[HatterMadigan]

Funny, I wrote the same song to several female stalkers... what's the deal with women with kids being desperately needy, and showing signs of being "unhinged"?

[ReloggLP]

Needs a Ted XD

[WayneKotke]

This is a cute and funny -- if disheartening and emasculating -- song, but the sound quality is ear-splittingly bad. I don't know why, but the mic is picking up the maraca louder than anything else. It's like someone is shaking a maraca about an inch away from your ear for two solid minutes! Ouch!

[ugtvdotorg]

You're on the wrong sides. Kate is supposed to be on the left.

[someguy724]

Oats would have sex with Ted Buckland

[TwigsInc]

AHHH MY EARS! THE QUALITY! ARGHGRGHHHHHH!!!!!

Like you ladies but Jesus!

[squamish4244]

The last time I checked, we don't have a lot of songs that feature the maraca. Now I'd be doing myself a disservice, and every member of this band, if I didn't play the crap out of this thing!

[canalbikeguy]

@squamish4244 Funniest. Comment. Ever!

[squamish4244]

@canalbikeguy One of my all time favorite sketches.

Gene, I want you to explore the studio space. Explore the space.

[canalbikeguy]

@squamish4244 When I get through with you, you'll be wearing gold diapers!

[squamish4244]

@canalbikeguy That is exactly the quote I had in my head yesterday. Pure win. 'Don't Fear the Reaper" has been permanently ruined for me because of a ten-year old SNL sketch.

[KharmaDoll]

I just put all your videos on a playlist when my girlfriends come over and we drink wine and laugh our asses off.

[Poohrist]

I am really considering sendig this as a circular mail to all my male friends ...

[gmcjetpilot]

@Poohrist

Trust me no one whats to have sex with your fat ugly ass. They will never have sex with you... unless you provide the booze and a bag for your face. Woof!

[Deadsticle]

@Poohrist Go for it. It's the only way.

[Atomicloving]

Quality

[morbly]

The funniest thing about this is that usually when a girl (because its childish) says I really like you as a friend it usually means I don't want to hang out with you anymore.

[GothTyler]

isnt this chick goop or somfin from Scrubs?????????

[joelong1973]

@GothTyler Yes and she was also the dead tooth girl from "Raising Hope" and played multiple charactors in "'til Death".

[erniesharp]

"I like you as a friend" is girl code for "I still want you to take me out and buy me stuff, but you are never seeing me naked." Nice to know some women are honest!!

[micktube64]

I thought "our lips will never touch" just HAD to be followed by "You'll never see my crutch", but I stand corrected...

[kaigrabmydigits]

The friend zone anthem....

[BoyUzi]

Don't listen to them guys! You can get it if you hang in there long enough! :)

[soyarra]

@BoyUzi Nope. Sorry. This song is the total truth.

[BoyUzi]

@soyarra I speak from experience :-)

[WritingIsMyObsession]

@BoyUzi. Your girl is the exception. Not the rule. Trust me.

[BoyUzi]

@WritingIsMyObsession I suppose you guys are right. But you only have to get the exception once!

[LordHollow]

76 guys have had this song sung to them...

[whupass7777777]

lol this song is fucked up XD

[umbrellasaltysalmon]

you girls are so under-rated I love you both, I send blessings xoxo

[weaselfoo1]

So awesome! :)

[aloysiusf27]

Lessons learned from this video: 1) Try to hold hands early on. Rejection at that point won't hurt as much as after sharing a lot 'French Fries' together. 2) Be of good cheer - if she wants to, you'll know it. If she doesn't, no amount 'French fries' will get you there.

[aloysiusf27]

@aloysiusf27 [typo] forgot the word "of" twice. a lot OF french fries. No amount OF french fries.....

[poogas22]

LOL!! O wow. These girls just laughed there way into my panties. All day I've been dredging through every garfunkel and oats. these girls are hilarious 

[doctorr2]

I'm not sure who is more pathetic... the person (male or female) who follows someone around like a puppy dog validating their desire to feel attractive, or the person who gets off on being on the other side of that kind of relationship. After watching this video, I'm thinking the latter.

[macluca1]

even blacked out with 3 month old blue balls, i wouldn't fuck either of you either!

[Bluemann]

SCRUBS!!!

[Zendokai71]

God this song is still hilarious no matter how often I see it...........how I laugh at guys in the 'friend one';P

[mattymckoble]

the friend zone- the worst place to be! Friends don't let friends please themselves.

[TeegTotaler]

Right ladies? I feel like this video should be required watching for all straight men.

[Sanguinis666]

@TeegTotaler Good idea, lets let them kill off the entire human race one man at a time

[TeegTotaler]

@Sanguinis666 ...What? O_o

[lightsoul007]

@TeegTotaler I think he (or she) is referring to the fact that if it was required watching for all straight men on earth, every man would walk around assuming that every woman felt this way... then the human race would die out. :D

[justdoitasshole]

...which is too bad, coz I would SO do it with both these wmyn. Even the one with the eyes too far apart. Sorry.

[Aweteous]

Chords? Please? :D

[GBnordeast]

thats okay. i was probably gonna drink myself to death anyway.

[SolaceOfMushin]

two thumbs up to the cuteness and cleverness....but a big thumbs down to the thought that this is probably the song both of you would sing to me in this situation...

:'(

[bvolsky]

Psh. LIKEWISE.

[Citan1981]

Well, if you don't have the chemeistry, you just don't. It's not the end of the world, I'm a man and I don't get depressed because I'm friend-zoned. I just try again with another person and remain friends with the other gal.

[Zendokai71]

You got that right Carmel. They're all sulking like little boys, and they're not behaving like real man, because they're not real men, and you females know it. If a guy presents with the qualities a girl likes, he gets laid np. If he doesn't, he gets the 'nice guy friend zone' treatment............and watches on depressed as she runs off with a bad boy;P

[Zendokai71]

LOL this still makes me laugh so hard I cry. Some of us guys just don't have this problem. Sucks to be among the probably 95% of fellas who do;P

[camelspiderattack]

all i see out of the comments on this song are a bunch of whining children pissed off and butthurt because women won't allow them unfettered sexual access. this fucking depresses you? seriously? here's a thought; maybe women would never have sex with you because you are a sad shitwad with nothing to offer.

[ariostanco]

pooof cmon I would never ever would have sex with U too!

[DanLeMerde]

I like this, but I have to agree with some of the others guys that it is depressing. At least Riki Lindhome and Kate Micucci are honest, which, I can't say the same for the girls I have known. I kind of wish I could get an explanation as to why this happens. So, can anyone (preferably a girl) explain the friend zone?

[meroxyersox]

@DanLeMerde The friend zone is a dry barren wasteland that only men can live it, but only women can get in or out. The only way out is killing everyone else, therefore becoming the alpha male, and getting all the poontang.

[jadimorok]

This might be a good song, but I can't tell because the maraca is too loud compared to the uke. And the lyrics are spotty due to the same reason. 

[GoDrex]

If you like a girl and you get put in the friend zone, the best thing to do is just cut her out of your life as much as possible. It's the only way to save your self respect.

[xxkristinee]

My friend showed me and a couple other friends this song today.

Unfortunately one of the other friends watching this has the same situation as this song with me.

He's such a good friend but like.... well... everything they say.

I bet he felt as awkward as I did >_>

Gnarly song though!

[weadon44]

@xxkristinee just sleep with him and do the right thing bitch who cares about you happiness! im kinda taking my fears of a specific girl feeling this way about me on you but the point remains valid!

[xxkristinee]

@weadon44 Whether or not you're taking out your feelings on me, you have absolutely no reason to call me a bitch. I didn't do anything. Point is not valid, I'm not into him. Quit offending me for no reason.

[hattrickvic]

i wonder which one will have more cats? There is only one way to get were they are its called overpromised then rebelled and now they think they have character. there voices sound like dry cunt lips imitating a crickets chirp. sorry girls only the male cricket can chirp. p.s. i like your stuff I'm just tired. so we cool right? I promise it wont happen again. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU....PFFT LMFAO... ANGRY BITCHES NEED TO REALIZE WE ALL GET FUCKED!

[timberframer111]

The harmonizing on this, as with all their songs, is just amazing!

[Rhinomachine]

I'm conflicted as to whether or not I like this song. I love the style, but the lyrics depress me.

[LukeRatray]

@shutinanxiety Wow. That's not at all what I meant.

Your comment just took a turn... FOR THE DOUCHE...

[TheStuntastik]

@LukeRatray lol. But really, this format is gold IMO, and they're newer ones are in HD, and therefore clearer.

[LukeRatray]

Hey Garfunkel and Oates,

I really like your songs. I think you both are, smart, funny and, well, yes... hot. Just sayin'.

But PLEASE consider a better way to record your songs. A simple microphone set up is easy, and relatively cheap. Your music is Great and deserves to be heard much *clearer*. Your lyrics and turn-of-phrase are pretty crucial and I'm struggling to understand them.

I really like your music and I want to encourage you to keep doing it for as long as it make you happy...

[shutinanxiety]

@LukeRatray i agree they should try to make their songs as polished as possible and over produce them like most radio artists do. that's the most important thing in music. maybe they'll betray themselves and sign a contract with a big record label and lose their creative control to someone else instead. sorry for that. personally i love minimalism. search "Daniel Johnston" he is a genius! the day i hear G&O on the radio is the day i won't like them anymore. i'd buy the vinyl if they made one.

[salexander206]

72 people have had this song sung to them... sorry guys :) hehe

[CanadaDan1971]

This song is the story of my life.

[sun8spot]

F'n A Strait!! The way it is luv

[Genstrider]

You now realize no man would ever have sex with them.

IRONIC

[zot476]

YES.

[VavShin]

If I had a dime every time a girl had said to me she liked me "as a friend"... I'd have quite a few dimes.

Personally I'm a bit confused by this, cause if I like a girl, I'd want to have sex with her.

And if I didn't like her, why would I be friends with her in the first place?

This "friend zone" thing confuses me.

[GoDrex]

@VavShin google "ladder theory"

[forbiddenfollies]

@VavShin Getting a girlfriend takes two steps. Step one, becoming her friend so you two can get to know each other and decide that you both can be friends. Step two, as soon as you're certain that things can work out(BEFORE you two can get too comfortable with each other) ASK HER OUT SO SHE KNOWS you're interested in her romantically(ideally within 2 weeks or sooner if you see each other frequently (so like after 2-4 separate conversations with her). Take too long deciding and be friend zoned!

[smartblonde07]

@VavShin You like your guy friends, right? So do you have sex with them? You know you're allowed to be friends with girls, right? This isn't kindergarten. 

[VavShin]

@smartblonde07

I like my guy friends. I don't want to have sex with them. I am, unfortunately, not bisexual.

I know I am allowed to be friends with girls. It's just a bit frustrating.

Since I tend to develop crushes on cute girls way to easily. And most girls are cute.

[DrIvoRobotnick]

I think they mean us.

[CIoneOutcast]

This made me sad. Friend zones suck.

[Dalareaux]

Love it