Should parents be their kids Friends?

[apcwzrd]

Thank you for bringing up the subject. I have been criticized by my ex-wife for being too much of a "friend" to my son - now age 19. I am very close to my son and I want always to be the person he comes to with questions or problems in his life. I believe in boundaries also but setting those boundaries is easier when you have a close and loving relationship with your child. From all the comments here it seems most people agree with you - I certainly do. You have reaffirmed my approach. Thanks!

[EBystrova]

They should be friends because how can you even relate to your kid if you don't even know what they're up to. Its not weird you want to have someone to turn to when you feel you can't trust any of your friends!

[clip380]

i think its better for me and my bro to talk to are parents bout drugs and what happens then ask are friends they don't know what parents growing up in the 60's know

[boricuamom87]

I agree 100%. I am 21 and I have 3 friends for sure. My 14 month old baby boy, my mom, and my dad. Thank you for your thoughts and know that you have lifted me up. Thank you. AMen!

[cassandrabadie]

it depends on the child, i have two kids 21 and 23. each are different. you are more like my daughter.

i think people are saying you need peers also ok thats right you need boundaires and some kids need boundaires and rules and others you can something one time, it depends on the kid

sometimes you have to change up your methods

[mazzoan]

I understand children wanting to share their personal problems with their parents but it can't work the other way round. For that IMO they are not friends and can never be friends. If a parent shares a his/her personal life with her children its puts them on a level platform with their kids which will make them unable to uphold any high authority over their kids.

[NycAttentionWhore]

i thought she defined the word "friend" in this video.

[babyblew11]

i hear you girl

[jjlucido]

I agree 100%!!!!! although my friends don't tell me what I can or not do.

[GFantastic]

Of course they should be friends. I suppose parents have to be sometimes teachers, sometimes police, sometimes nurses etc, but that's in addition to being friends. It's not an either/or thing.

[silverscreamgrl]

My sister was always a friend to her kids, but a parent first. Her kids come to her with every.little.problem. They are an open book. They share. So there has to be something to that.

I'm glad you love AND like your parents!

And on a different note: You look fantastic in black and white too :)

[dorotwhy]

You tell it real. What you father said... good stuff. I applaud.

[SintualEvents]

Aww, thank you Dorothy!

[tashaluvsyou]

if we all knew the word to be that yes sure but since you and i know friends usully means...going to parties and trying new things like drinking and smoking..no. that is the level MOST think of the question on. yes if there is a line in the sand sure..but WHERE do you draw the line. momma and i are very close best friends..i am 46 not 12 or 16..different years...different LEVELS of friendship.

[SintualEvents]

It depends on the type of parents that you have really. My parents would have never exposed me to anything inappropriate like drugs or alcohol. My relationship with my parents as a child was one of adventure, arts and music. I think we misunderstand what it means to have an appropriate friendship with underage children. Luckily my parents knew that boundary

[yellowlabrador]

To be friends takes two way traffic. I'm now friendly with quite a few teenagers, but it's not the same as being friends with an adult. You can't share everything with a child. THey need protecting and guidance. My children could always tell me their problems and because I didn't judge but helped them and stood in their corner, we had a good relationship But I couldn't tell them my problems when I felt they wouldn't understand

[SintualEvents]

I agree, friendship does take two way traffic, but every friendship has it's own personal level of appropriate behavior. I would never carry on with my gay friends the way I would carry on with my Christian or Muslim friends. Every friendship has it's own special behavior for those persons involved.

So when Im volunteering for the Girls and Boys club of America, Im all about taking the kids apple picking, shopping, the movies, haunted houses, and Six flags!

[yellowlabrador]

I started out thinking like you, but there are some difficult years ahead. Parents must set bounderies. My two are adults now and we have a truer friendship now, we share more thoughts and problems now Your friendship with your son can not yet be a friendship of equals yet.

[tashaluvsyou]

Agreed.

[TM56]

Sintual, it's different. You're an ADULT. I'm sure your relationship with your parents was much different growing up as a kid than NOW because you're GROWN. Once a child is grown, I agree, parents need to start looking at their kids as a FRIEND and no longer a child. But from infancy till age 21 (or when they move out) you as the parent rule, espcially since yu're supporting them. And I'm 21 years old and saying that lol. That's just my 2 cents.

[SintualEvents]

Actually Im speaking from the ages of approximately 8years-17years. My parents knew how to properly incorporate age appropriate activities into our relationships like going to the moves, bike riding, roller skating, and concerts together. That in fact is building a friendship with them, whether we believe it or not!

[fernitnow]

I'm not saying that teachers and students should hang out....by no means do I mean that. But in order to gain trust, you have to enter "their" world, and that means being able to relate. Friends relate, and so should parents with their kids. Good for you and your son Erika.....that's awesome, and he's one lucky kid!

=)

[SintualEvents]

You hit the nail right on the head. I couldn't have said it any better. See, it's people like you that parents need to take advice from, not fucking Dr. Phil and Oprah!

[fernitnow]

Teachers, for example, show their students that they not only want to give them some tools that will benefit their futures as professionals, but as human beings. In order for teachers to do that, they too have to gain a certain trust that comes with a level of friendship.

[fernitnow]

Our children have this opportunity to connect with someone who truly wants to be there for them, meaning their parents, then by all means allow that relationship/friendship to develop.

[noxiousnote]

I wish I had a better relationship with my parents... One is gone now, and the other... he's just messing up left and right and it's hard to stay by his side.

When I have kids/adopt, that child will be my best friend. I'll make sure of it. I missed out on many life experiences because atleast one of my parents would always be distant. Because of that, I'm extremely shy and i'm very indecisive. In all honesty, how much effort does it take to be friends with your child? Rent a damn movie dammit!

[SintualEvents]

Yes, it's VERY easy to have a wonderful and positive friendship with your kids. I think a lot of people associate friendship with negative activities, which is the reason why there are so many against it. Going to the movies, out to eat, concerts, bike riding, road trip, or just talking about politics are all ways that we strike up friendships with our children.

When you decide to have your own children, always remember that you are the best friend that child could ever have!

[mzsuzuki]

I agree with your views. I think that it depends on the child and the parent. I know a mother who is a perfect example of a friend and parent. The child is very respectful, honor roll student but he is not an angel. He will tell her when he has done wrong. They have talked about sex, etc. everything. Some of the things that she shares with me regarding their conversations shocks me but it works for them!

[SintualEvents]

I think what happens is that we let Dr. Phil and Oprah dictate how we should parent our children, instead of engaging them at an early age with positive and fun activities. If you wait til your kids are 15 and 16 to engage them, then it's too late. they already have tons of outside influences. There is no better friend in the world than you parents....if they are good parents!

[mzsuzuki]

Very True, I also see the flipside of this situation especially in relationships between mothers and sons. Once they enter middle school, they go through this internal struggle between trying to fit in with their peers and living up to the expectations of the mother. If the children who your son hangs out with especially in middle school and beyond don't value their parents like your son values you. It might cause an internal conflict within your household.

[SintualEvents]

Yeah, well hopefully I can raise my son to think for himself and make good decisions. That's all you can hope for really, is that your child loves and respects you enough to make good decisions!

[iamthejer]

i agree with you. my mom is my best friend. i spent alot of my teenage years with her taking me to concerts (before i could drive). i mean...she took me & my friends to see SLAYER in the 8th grade. while we've always been friends, she's has always been my mom first. we cultivated a mutual respect that made me WANT to stay out of trouble for her sake. i never feared her, i just never wanted to disrespect or embarrass her. she is my favorite person ever. friend & parent definitely worked for me.

[SintualEvents]

Exactly! This is how I want my son to think of me! I don't want him to fear me. I want him to enjoy my company, yet I would N-E-V-E-R expose him to anything harmful or illegal like alcohol and drugs!  NEVER!

[aajunior]

You make a good argument. I have a problem when parents want to befriend there children and act like children themselves. I think the important thing here is to talk to your children get to know them and them get to know you. That will build a bond. Friendship is when someone listens to you in a non-judgmental way. Parents forget that they are here to help, not just reprimand. When I got older, my relationship with my parents got better. More talking and less reprimand. I call my moms everyday.

[SintualEvents]

Absolutely! I always knew the boundaries with my parents because they were my parents FIRST. They would have never exposed me to anything harmful, so that's why it worked for me!

[dahotlipps]

In my personal experience being Mother and Friend was something that worked for me. Always ofcourse with respect and structure in the other hand. As I grew older the mother part of her starts to become like an older friend that never wants to leave you and always watches your back. I always thank her for being so supportive and loving and for being my mother and best friend.

[SintualEvents]

Im telling you man, my parents learned so much about me as a person through this type of relationship. They took interest in me and what I liked instead of bashing me over the head with a bunch of rules. I also learned a lot about them!

[ernestlsewell]

To me, when they say "friends" with kids, it's when the parental responsibility leaves, and buddying up w/ the kids in a peer to peer sorta way. Like a mother drinking and smoking with her 15 year old. That's NOT a friendship situation that should be happening. A friend wouldn't let their friend drink at such a young age. A mother wouldn't share her bed with her daughter and another man, because of friendship. HAT is the level of "friendship" thing w/ kids. It keeps your point valid too.

[SintualEvents]

Like I was telling they fella earlier, if you have parents that are idiots, then they will ALWAYS make mistakes when raising you. But if you have level-headed parents, then they will expose you to things are are beneficial and positive because they want you to succeed.

[scottfaithfull]

great video and i couldn't agree with you more. my parents are my absolute best friends and i wouldn't have it any other way.

[SintualEvents]

I wouldn't have it any other way either. I cherished those moments that I had with my folks

[IWalk4tnt]

I agree with you 100% on this one. But, when it has to be one before the other, parents first, friends second. But, in my personal experience, it's possible to be both at the same time. It worked with my parents, and it's working with my teenagers. And, in my observances, the most successful family dynamics revolve around this type of relationship. Keep 'em coming. I enjoyed this video!

Sandi

[SintualEvents]

Definitely, parent always comes first in the parent/friend equation.

[TheDreamReborn]

I agree with you but some people take this way too far.

[SintualEvents]

True true, and I guess it all depends on the type of parents that you have. If you have idiots as parents, chances are they will make major mistakes in raising you.

[TheDreamReborn]

Very true.

[jaye56]

You bring me joy...But real talk, I agree and

I also feel that you're both, parent and friend...just an opinion...much love beautiful.

Peace/Jaye

[SintualEvents]

Yes, I think that a parent needs to be able to successfully juggle parenting and friendly camaraderie with their children. This helps teens cope with growing pains!

[SintualEvents]

I don't get that way of thinking?  Why can't we be friends with our parents? If my child said that to me, I would feel as if he didn't like me as a person. I would honestly be offended.

[sugarandlance]

You can't always be a friend, but it's a bonus. They ain't always gonna be happy with ya. I am friends with my mother, most of the time. It's a good feeling.