SMBC Theater: Cavemen

[TheDrCN]

The good news is that, according to my spam folder, biggest penis is still best penis. So that's something.

[HunnyBadger15]

Welcome to the Republican Party :D

[MultiFortunatus]

Biggest wife is best wife! XD

[zackb951]

Just found out about this channel and it's honestly AMAZING. Every video I've seen so far has been beyond pleasant. Happily subbed.

[MoonWalkingDino]

"But... Biggest rock is best rock.." This was done really well. Good job.

[5secondfilms]

Biggest Rock is Best Rock!!! Damn straight!

[MajorRoy]

not funny

[danielinsporto]

@MajorRoy i'm fairly sure you missed the point

[WingedDrant]

The light up and down motion of Zach's beard is... hypnotic...

[SuperStingray]

Biggest Korea is Best Korea.

[Elspin]

Thanks guys haha

[Cbtardiff]

GO HAVE SEX WITH AN ADULT FEMALE YOU QUEER!

[Elspin]

what did zach say at 1:53? I can't make it out at all - it sounds kinda like "we're (eye-ing?) at bat people"...

[mrtvi46]

@Elspin I can't make it out either... :(

[mrtvi46]

@Elspin Oh. Found it some pages back. "We're hyena and bat-people."

[AkujiMalice]

@Elspin @mrtvi46 He's saying "We're Hyena and Bat people."

[UmberalThorn]

@Elspin Heyena and bat people

[TheDemontool]

Go have sex with an adult female is an insult? So that means they fuck kids!

[originalindigodingo]

@TheDemontool They lived to be about 9 in those days.

[TheDemontool]

@originalindigodingo Interesting. So those days everyone's a pedo :P

[flaetsbnort]

Great documentary.

[lancertan]

Most repetition is funniest repetition.

[shill8989]

Funnier when you involve politics.

[BlueLightLily]

not as funny when you involve politics...

[HerrBismarck]

@BlueLightLily But that's what makes it funny!

[Katana314]

"Biggest wife is best wife" - believe it or not, that one lasted a LOT longer than just caveman days.

[i0npath]

Generation Gap in a nutshell.

[ieatpilli]

I feel like this is an analogy for something...

[MadeOfCATS]

This sums up everything I think about the world.

[RuskePerson]

This is one of my favorites.

[Nktalloth]

TIGER WAR 2

BIGGEST TIGER WAR IS BEST TIGER WAR

[Ceibhfhionn]

"How much does she weight?!"

[Toml420]

ha ha, this is brilliant!

[avielMenter]

Argh, the disgusting anachronism! Spears were likely used millions of years ago, before Homo Sapiens, and cave paintings are only a few tens of thousands of years old. And cooking meat was easily hundreds of thousands of years old.

[MrWumbologist]

@avielMenter

Maybe if I use a big word and point out historical discrepancies she'll come back to me...

[v1cAriuS]

@avielMenter Waiter, there's an anachronism in my allegory!

[goingfortheone1]

@avielMenter One thing: spears are not millions of years old. You are thinking of eolites, early stone tools. But the earliest ones were just used by hand.

Secondly: who the fuck cares if it's a comedy skit. :D

[avielMenter]

@goingfortheone1 Spears could have been early stone tools. The only reason we aren't sure is because the wood attached to them would have biodegraded, but it's quite likely that spears were used early on.

[goingfortheone1]

@avielMenter Valid point. However from what I've heard from archaeology class in uni and what I saw from a brief web search, oldest stone spears are dated back to hundreds of thousands of years, not millions.

The early stone working was so primitive that it was probably not worth it to attach the crudely sharpened stone to a long stick. We are speaking of Homo Habilis after all.

[avielMenter]

@goingfortheone1 Well Habilis, fine. But supposedly Erectus may have managed fire, you're telling me they couldn't pull off a spear?

[goingfortheone1]

@avielMenter Pretty much yes.

The Acheulean stone tool industry that started some 1.8 million years ago and is associated with Homo Erectus (Though dates all the way until Sapiens) is mainly comprised of stone handaxes, that were used by hand.

I see no references to spears. (Although we are speaking of spears with stone 'blades', as in the video, naturally pointy sticks were used even earlier)

[avielMenter]

@goingfortheone1 Eh, if you say so. But pointy sticks have definitely been in use for a while. I think some apes use pointy sticks.

[goingfortheone1]

@avielMenter Yes, I did say as much.

[Leadman1989]

"Go have sex with an adult female, ya queer!"

LMAO

XD

[baerus11]

Grow no hair upon your chin, touch him on the penis.

[SpazzyMcGee1337]

Everyone called the Tiger War 1 the GREAT Tiger War... until TW2 happened.

[Totema1]

@SpazzyMcGee1337 It was supposed to be The Tiger War To End All Tiger Wars. What is wrong with humanity? And tigers?

[TheDrCN]

@SpazzyMcGee1337 TW2 was inevitable. The tigers were left with an untenable rock deficit in a global climate of rapidly escalating defensive tariffs between the main tribes.

[koshindan]

It sounds like Highened Bed People. I think it's supposed to sound like a geographical location.

[THEREALagentorrange]

I can't quite understand what he Zach says at 1:53 to me it sounds like, "We're hyena and bad people?"

Someone please help. I love this sketch.

[JoanuMostrafta]

@THEREALagentorrange Pretty sure it's "Hyena and bat"

[secretmanofagent]

@THEREALagentorrange Pretty sure it's "tribe of eagle and goat people". Also, biggest penis is best penis.

[noodleboy200]

Hold down 5 for extreme terror.

[snotsnit]

@noodleboy200 Press 4 for my reaction to that

[RamblingPants]

@noodleboy200 I did, but then I stopped that.

[FerroMancer]

18 people don't know that Biggest vote is Best vote.

[nikoincroatia]

Biggest change is best change!

[nickstekar]

Hmmm concubines 1, 4, and 7? Interesting...

[fljared]

Biggest troll is best troll!

[Fishhooker]

Biggest "biggest X is best X" joke is best "biggest X is best X" joke.

[FernandoMontelbon]

@Fishhooker meta

[captainLAGER]

Sadly, there were no fat cavemen.

[mavriksfan11]

Does anyone not notice how when he says I should never have listened to wife, wife 2, or concubines 1, 2, and 7, he's admitting to taking advice from a woman?

Also, what does he say about the tribe of eagle and goat people?

[Vultrus]

"Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it."

-George Orwell

[anthrax70]

@Vultrus true.

[AMagicalHoers]

@Vultrus Biggest quote is best quote.

[TehConqueror]

biggest sodomizer is best sodomizer?

[indifilmsmakenosense]

@TehConqueror I believe the term is sodomite.

[Gamerono]

Biggest iphone is best iphone :D

[Tsukasamacleod]

Biggest touch on the penis, is best touch on the penis.

[ArsonistInUrFirewall]

@Tsukasamacleod lol

[Shinorocks]

Biggest hand touching penis is best hand touching penis

[Crusader1089]

How can it possibly have a liberal agenda if the generation they hate has monogamy and hates homosexuality?

[Cheespuffs45]

I loved the "don'l give me your liberal bullshit" line. It is so out of place.

[awfulsails]

This is my dad when I tried to explain Linux to him.

[Rictorran]

Biggest Touch on Penis is Best Touch on Penis.

[Hyardacil]

The biggest is best is going to be the new "touch him on the penis" - I can see it already.

[Instafailer]

Tiger War 2 sounds awesome.

[shotgunbadger]

I laughed too hard at "BIGGEST WIFE IS BEST WIFE"

[CJWilly]

This is some funny shit.

[r3bol]

Damn, I was hoping for an appearance from the chick with the moustache wearing cave person clothes. That would have been so hot.

[EllipsisGH]

No idea what Zach said at 1:52. Bothers the crap out of me.

[arcturus42]

@EllipsisGH Pretty sure he's saying "We're hyena and bat people..."

[EllipsisGH]

@arcturus42 Yeah, now that I re-watch it, I think you're right. Thanks!

[Nyarmith]

This entry has to be the pinnacle of the series! Superbly done!

[grodzilla2]

Tiger War II sounds awesome. Why didn't I learn about this in school?

[J14ngL00]

You heard it, fellas. Having sex with an adult female makes you queer.

In the meantime, I hear the age of consent is 14 in some parts of Asia.

[BungeeRooster]

Biggest comment is best comment

[CCNezin1]

"Oh my godS!"

Haha!

[brockjohnsenfilms]

What is happening to the this world? What is next?

[jaxinn]

Long time listener, first time caller. Touch him on the penis.

[bcapstick]

What's the line that comes before "that's racist" ? I couldn't catch that.

[Tyler8756]

@bcapstick "That's a tribe of eagle and goat men. *leans in whispering* We're hyena and bat people."

[bcapstick]

@Tyler8756 Cheers.

[boardercjh]

@Tyler8756 Thank you! I couldn't make that out

[tubestarer]

Tell him that biggest penis is best penis.....then touch him on the penis!

[bjsmith89]

Don't give me your liberal BULL-$hit!

[Zaywex]

@cartmansboner

Damn there's no follow up on that.

[sweetsoad]

What, so they're against fire, cave paintings and spears but they have some kind of weight measurement system?

Jeez guys.

[tyrgoossens]

Get a teenage apprentice with no hair upon his chin, touch him on the penis

[Deathnotefan97]

@tyrgoossens: Biggest penis is best penis

[XenoVega]

Better then average SMBC.

[lemonsawdust]

Smallest actor is hottest actor

[spuddles31]

@coffeeblacksmanager MY EYES! WHY DO U SHOW ME THESE BAD THINGS

[caffeinatedphysicist]

...made my day :)

[fljared]

Funny thing- That stuff about cave paintings? Socrates said the exact same things about Writing.

[Shadowlefty]

thumbs up for zach's sexy man boobs

[Seawied86]

Dont you love it when the top rated comment someone stole from you days ago?

[chaveta22]

is there a way to put captions on these? (apart from Transcribe audio BETA). my english isn't that good and sometimes subtitles would be useful

[gxti]

Spear made of foam is *not* best rock.

[CSMoviesProductions]

When you everytime you thumbs up this your dick grows!

[StrikaAmaru]

"biggest brain is best brain" - yeah, cause that saved the Neanderthals...

It ain't the size, mate, it's how you use it :p

[DarkSteele]

TIGER WAR II, FUCK WHY DIDN'T I EVER LEARN ABOUT THIS IN CAVE GRAD SCHOOL

[Armaaz]

That was some well done direct satire.

[JackFlags]

Biggest tiger war is best tiger war.

[BootNorr]

i love this

[mavriksfan11]

oh my gods!

dont worry we caught that

[picsmics4]

:( the favorite button's been down for me for the past two days.... anyone else having this problem? this was a funny vid so I wanted to favorite it before it got lost in the deep churning sea of the world wide webz

[Philanthropyman]

So if biggest rock is best rock I wonder how epic rock, paper, scissors were back in 2,000,000 BC....

[bbrake]

I'm glad James didn't ever have need to say "biggest penis is best penis." That would have been very obvious, and I applaud your self-control in writing the sketch.

[colonelslime]

I think some people are missing the point. This is not a liberal/conservative satire; it's a satire of the same intergenerational conflicts that never ceases to occur. Prejudices and conventions are rejected by the new generation, old generation feels threatened and talks about degradation of society. I bet a great many of the people posting here will be whining in thirty years time about how direct neural interfaces are a step too far ;)

[Shyhalu]

@colonelslime "This is not a liberal/conservative satire; it's a satire of the same intergenerational conflicts that never ceases to occur. " But they occur due to liberal/conservative differences, and solely due to that. 30 years from now others may be whining about neural interfaces but they won't be whining about homosexuals.

[dchris1990]

@Shyhalu partly right dude lol.

but sometimes pushing forward to the 'future and progress' might lead to mistakes

like a simplistic view of evolution culminating in the social darwinism of the 1900s culminating in the holocaust.

we gotta judge everything issue by issue lol

[Shyhalu]

@dchris1990 Hitler wasn't an evolutionist, he claimed he was doing the work of yahweh in his memoirs/diary and was backed by the catholic church. Social Darwinism tells us that those who cooperate survive better, thus why we live in societies and interact with each other instead of rampant murder. Regardless of your lack of knowledge, your response is just that, pointing out flaws in lack of knowledge, not flaws in progress&technology.

[dchris1990]

@Shyhalu actually, you're the one showing a total lack of knowledge. social darwinism in the nineteenth century WAS spencerian darwinism...which is survival of the most fit "individual," and that was the philosophy Hitler bought into. But i agree... nowadays socialogists and biologists mostly accept social darwinism to mean that humans are social animals, whose prime trait is compromising, socializing, and not butchering neighbors for a piece of meat.

[Shyhalu]

@dchris1990 The most fit individual is the one who can socialize and cooperate to kill/enslave/etc other individuals. Just because a subgroup of Darwinian thought couldn't figure that out at the time does not change anything. Hitler thought Darwin was incorrect. Its even in his diaries/etc. Plain and simple, he did not think humans "evolved" into X, it was more like how the jews think they are the chosen people of their magic skydaddy.

[dchris1990]

@Shyhalu lol to see you honestly think that Hitler butchered the Jews because he was Jewish is a bit funny, and a bit sad too. Face it, atheism is NOT A MAGIC CUREALL that can make people better. It is merely a state of mind, that, if taught correctly to the young (ie, in an educational system where students are encouraged to speak their minds [ie NOT Soviet Russia or Republican France of 1789, where the State replaced God]) CAN lead to progress

[Shyhalu]

@dchris1990 When did I say Hitler was Jewish? I never said atheism is a magical cure all, its simply a lack in belief of a deity, which does in fact help us solve a lot of our problems when we aren't praying to magical skydaddies to solve them for us.You don't teach atheism.......Theres nothing to teach. And thus why I say you do not know what you are talking about. Replacing Yahweh does not equal Yahweh does not exist.

[Rhukza]

@colonelslime Biggest comment is best comment.

[holoelfson]

@colonelslime

Nail'd it.

[ironlaser]

@colonelslime "The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for

authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place

of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their

households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They

contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties

at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers."

Often attributed to Socrates. This is one of the oldest tropes in human thought :)

[colonelslime]

@ironlaser

Yeah, I'm pretty sure Greek philosophy was a starting point for this one: writing making people loose the ability to remember things is another classic of Greek though (Socrates as well, IIRC) and the "caresses of a young companion" line sounds pretty Athenian to me.

[TransHero]

@colonelslime F*ck that, I want direct neural interfaces NOW!

[nielso212]

@colonelslime

Is that not exactly what convervative is about? Holding onto the old stuff while trying to stop things from changing? So you know: Old generation vs new generation is what causes the conservative vs liberal thing

[colonelslime]

@nielso212 Exactly. All the examples in the video are actual criticisms used at some point in history (writing and heterosexual sex were both lamented by the Greeks). I don't disagree with your point, it's just some people seem to miss the fact that this video is delineating a recurring theme in history, not commenting on the Democrat/Republican paradigm specifically. I was trying show that, no, this time is not all that different, and politics is always the same, no matter when you are.

[LetTheJamesBegin]

@colonelslime Biggest comment is best comment

[DaManCallahan]

@colonelslime explaining a joke is like taking apart a sandwich

[sabbyreloaded]

@colonelslime neural interfaces are too far. lol

[mrdaym]

@colonelslime Direct neural interfaces? Bah! In my time you had to walk 30 miles through fragmented data and then have to type each letter by hand with a keyboard just to get your message across the internet and then all you got was strangers calling you a fag.

[FernandoMontelbon]

@mrdaym sure ya did grandpa

[ngough]

Tiger War 2, FTW

[kalars88]

Biggest wife is best wife :D

[redruM123M]

Fuck you guys for the LIberal Republican propaganda fuck all liberal intent is no excuse for outcome<<<<

[MCHamil]

I thought he said "God" at first

[SaintBloody]

enjoy gentle caresses of teenage apprentice, touch him on the penis

[Shinntoku]

What the hell does Zach say about the tribe of eagle and goat people?

[RoyeReedBenjamin]

@mikkelvl1985 He wanted to tell his dad about his wife.

Also this is the best SMBCT ever.

[phoneau]

Fantastic.

[Blahdalizer2]

>Liberal shit

HOLY CRAP! SMBC making a political joke?

[mikkelvl1985]

WHAT DID HE WANT TO TELL HIS DAD? This question is going to keep me up all night.

[janeyanna]

He's got a wife! Arglblargh.

[mikkelvl1985]

@janeyanna Thanks now I can sleep.

[janeyanna]

I am glad I could help you. Sleep well, good Sir.

[Kogerii]

Clever overall.

2 things though

1) liberal beliefs aren't necessarily progress. For ex: environmentalists want to undue the industrial revolution so we'd come closer to cavemen.

2) The importance of new tech like gps's vs memorizing maps is that the effort/neurons required to memorize a map are free for other use. Every beneficially used tool furthers the exponential growth of human wealth.

[NiK8D]

@Kogerii

Good #2 there but you fucked up on #1, the cavekid never claimed to be a liberal. The oldcaves called him one. That was part of the message/joke of the whole video.

[Kogerii]

@NiK8D

Was the joke about mis-labeling someone as liberal? Let SMBC reveal the answer.

[NiK8D]

@Kogerii Exactly.



[Traitorfish]

@Kogerii I don't think that you really understand the social significance of the Industrial Revolution.

[DKM101]

@Traitorfish

I don't think you understand the depth of the stupidity of some environmentalists.

(I don't actually care, I just wanted to say that :P)

[Kogerii]

@Traitorfish

It eased man's burden, don't you agree?

[apsdil]

@Kogerii

Uhm...

Environmentalism isn't really liberalist. Quite the opposite, really.

[Kogerii]

@apsdil

If by liberal you mean free I agree since environmentalism's about restraining man.

If by liberal you mean in alignment w/the Democratic party's planks you're lying.