@tineeeable There isn't a "reason" for asexuality any more than there is a "reason" for being gay. Attraction is complicated. You probably already know that. And if some people aren't attracted to anyone, they call themselves asexual. You don't have to be abused/traumatized to not feel attraction to anyone. It's not a medical or psychological condition that a person gets diagnosed with. I recommend just accepting that asexuality is an endpoint on a natural sexuality continuum.
I really can`t understand it from an emotional point of view, because love and sex are so imposrtant in my life, I would feel empty without it....
But everybody s different, I guess. sheesh, no one is harmed by asexuality, so it can`t be bad
Some religious leaders, like hindus and christians would probably regard an asexual as a person in a very advanced phase spiritual, because in hinduism people should leave passion behind themselves.
@tineeeable I think it's good that you can recognize that we all consider our passions important. Some people can't grasp that asexual people don't have a hole where their sexuality "should" be. Some imagine asexuals as if it's themselves minus sex/romance, but that's not at all accurate. As for spirituality, asexuality has nothing to do with that either. We haven't transcended anything and we're not more pure or advanced; it's not a sacrifice or a statement.
@tineeeable No, the problem is processing it as "in place of." It's not "instead of," any more than a person who isn't an artist is a baker "instead of being an artist." People, all people, pursue their passions. If one of your passions is romantic love and sexuality, you pursue it. If we don't have that passion, we don't. It's not a hole we have to fill or an "extreme" pursuit of anything. You have other passions besides sexuality too, I'd think. They can't replace each other.
@tineeeable That'd be awesome. :) We love what we love and we love how we love, and it's really nobody's business to say "this particular kind of love or method of love just isn't okay." So . . . to each his own, right?
Hmm, this may sound disrespectful... But is this caused by a trauma o something? I mean why are people asexual? and is it just a phase that `s goin to pass?
@tineeeable Yes, that does sound disrespectful. I guess you're not trying to be, but what you're saying is "if you're not straight, something bad happened to you." (I don't know if you believe gay people are also traumatized--I doubt it, actually--but that's what it sounds like to people who are being told they must have been hurt to be the way they are.) No, asexuality isn't "a phase," and it's not a result of trauma. It's a sexual orientation. It's just how some people are.
@YesimSasori I'm not interested in romantic relationships or sexual relationships either. The term generally associated with that inclination and the resulting lifestyle choice is aromantic asexual. But asexuality is quite a continuum.
thank you for posting this video... Being an asexual myself, I think you are so right. The typical asexual doesn't exist, we are all just different people with different backgrounds...
@myralinn Yes, you're right--there's no "typical" one of us any more than there's a "typical" heterosexual whose unrelated personality and physical aspects are to blame for what they want to do in bed.
Ah, this reminds me of the lgbt 'models': super feminine women and masculine men who are healthy, wealthy and attractive and all of the transgendered people can always pass. Do you think that all attraction is sexual? Sometimes you tend to imply that it is. Asexuals can be attracted right? Just are usually not sexually attracted.
@ubiquitousfacts Yep, there are plenty of other kinds of attraction besides sexual. That's basically the definition of a romantic asexual, which I mention in this video (when I say gold-star asexuals are usually aromantic or heteroromantic), and which I discuss in depth in this video's Part 2 on the subject of types of romantic asexuals. I don't think it's possible for me to imply that all attraction is sexual if I discuss the alternative explicitly.
It can be especially frustrating as people barely understand my introversion, which I was convinced is pretty simple. They also think it's a choice, not a preference. What IS a choice, however, is my choice to remain celibate. I am not asexual.
These two things combined apparently make me a less complete, boring individual.
It'd be a better world if people weren't so focused on a) assuming their own preferences and proclivities are actually the default/preferred state for others and b) trying to change other people supposedly for their own good. Introversion is poorly understood and often thought to be a trait that should be left behind or grown past. I don't understand what makes people so threatened by different kinds of normality.
@swankivy Once again, you hit the nail on the head. Just because it works for you doesn't mean it works for me. If something does not work for me, it is not even your business.
I see the same arguments for outgoing-ness/socialization as I do for sexual activity: it is good for the species. Indeed, we built a population through heterosexual sex + we maintain vitality to a certain point by socializing. That doesn't mean we ALL can/should behave this way, which is something you've said as well.
@shigekishock Exactly. Considering introversion often makes it easier to give sustained attention to creative or intellectual tasks, I think we need all kinds of people to progress as a species. Somehow I don't think going out and getting drunk, dancing to music, and hitting on each other is inherently productive for the species, yet nobody suggests this isn't normal behavior. But when the loudest, most aggressive people control the narrative, what are the rest of us supposed to do?
@swankivy That definitely clicks with me as well. I've never understood the appeal of those activities. However, I have also been close-minded towards them at one point as well. I don't believe I should value my alone, creative time more than the escapist clubbing scene but it is fallacious for a socially unaware party person to accuse a celibate, asexual, disabled, or introverted individual to be a waste in society, which is sadly common.
@shigekishock Yeah. But see, we all have our inclinations. What we choose in our lives should be up to us. It's frustrating that so many people can't empathize--if they see a person who doesn't have sex or isn't out partying, all they can think of is how THEY feel when they can't do these things, and they project those feelings onto others who have different inclinations. I wouldn't say I "don't like" something without trying it, but I would say I shouldn't be pressured to try them anyway.
@swankivy It's important for others to realize that it's a preference based on knowing oneself and not just a repression. This goes for (a)sexuality as well, although it is not a preference or a choice either but identifying is based on self-knowledge, no one else can tell you what you like, if you're gay, if you should get drunk, if you're asexual, etc.
@shigekishock After all, when I say my idea of a good Friday night is posting my webcomic and writing a book, they wrinkle their noses and process that as "OH GOD, HOME ON A FRIDAY NIGHT? HOW PATHETIC!" But do they respond by wondering whether writing a book might be a rewarding way to spend their time? Nope. And yet I'm supposed to give their interest a chance. Live and let live, people. I wrote an article about why I don't like clubs, and got dismissed and mocked by Redditors once for it.
@swankivy Very good points. Projection is the most common roadblock to understanding any diversion from the perceived and constructed norm. I need to utilize this point when trying to explain things to people in general. In the same way someone who is bored when at home would love to go out, I am urging to be home whenever I am out too often or for too long or with too many people, etc.
@shigekishock Yeah, I start craving solitude before too long also, and yet a lot of people who feel energized by large groups will immediately condemn my preference and say I "need" to somehow learn to enjoy it more. It reminds me of how most counseling for sexually incompatible people is geared toward encouraging the less sexual one to be more sexual because the "norm" suggests the less sexual person is the problem rather than the *incompatibility* being the problem.
@swankivy That's pretty ironic when it seems to be more about a lack of connection in the right ways. You can't make something appear that isn't there, just like you can't "fix" someone's sex drive or "make" them have sexual attraction. Even with sexuals, if there is no attraction, there's no attraction. There are more complicated aspects as well for some cases but in general, it's another way to force people to want what they don't want.
@shigekishock Yes, you'd think sexual folks would be able to generalize the concept since by and large there are very few people who are attracted to everything that moves and they would feel rather insulted (as they should) if someone suggested it was their responsibility to manufacture or fake the attraction. But as soon as you say you're asexual, suddenly you lose the right to be trusted on the subject of your own attractions; you aren't qualified to describe your own feelings.
@Jamiemaexoxo All right, then just go to the pages I named--they're YouTube accounts. When people are on the screen, their YouTube usernames are right below their names. Links aren't allowed in YouTube comments, but you can find the individuals easily by searching YouTube for their usernames. If you're interested in trans asexuals, the one trans person I featured who still has a YouTube account is Sassafrasish. (Kayleigh no longer has an account, but she can still be found on AVEN I think.)
Great job with the video, though I have one nitpick - the "high-functioning" vs. "low-functioning" distinction in the autism community is largely artificial, and autistic people dubbed "low-functioning" by neurotypicals don't deserve to have their sexualities erased or delegitimized either.
Also, though it's a less-common response than "sexual abuse caused your asexuality," some people have made the accusation that other types of trauma can cause it too, which is similarly invalidating.
@martianjusticiar Heh, I don't think I insinuated that low-functioning autistic people can't be asexual either. I imagine that like most human experiences, autism is a continuum. And believe me when I say there are tons of reasons--some that have even been levied at me--that people cite as "causing" asexuality which I didn't debunk in this video (for example, once some guy said I was asexual because I might have been a nerd in high school and haven't realized that I'm desirable now).
@martianjusticiar Thanks for noting that high-functioning and low-functioning autism aren't simple divisions, because that's interesting . . . I'm just not sure why you're pointing it out in the context of this video since I don't think I said anything to suggest ANYONE "deserves" to be pigeonholed or have their sexuality medicalized, regardless of cognitive function. Though I guess it's mainly the Aspies who recognize asexuality in themselves and reach out online to discuss it.
@Jamiemaexoxo Glad you like this. It's not a blog, though. Are you asking to know links to the people I feature in the video? If you just want to know more about each of them, please go to their YouTube pages; I put their YouTube names under their regular names when they were on the screen, except for Kayleigh, who used to be GalileoAce but her account is no longer alive.
Being overly defensive about your asexuality, by commenting on other peoples assumptions has a negative impact. It tells them "I want you to think like i do."
This applies to all sexual orientation, hetero, homo, bi, pan, or asexual.
I like that you act as a voice, to bring awareness and to help others who may be in a similar situation. But being defensive, tells them you can be hurt by their opinions and assumptions. I believe you are strong enough to stand without counter attacks.
@Fallentine "text limit" this is just my opinion, my observation. Sometimes it's better to simply ignore their opinions, their assumptions, rather than take it personally.
@Fallentine Feel free to identify what you think is "overly defensive," while keeping in mind that contradicting poorly conceived arguments is not "being defensive," and I'll be glad to take your opinion into account. However, for the record, I don't think commenting on assumptions and carefully outlining why they're flawed is "having a negative impact," nor does it suggest that I'm hurt or damage my position. Ignoring common arguments gives them strength when it suggests I can't address them.
I mean if it is not abuse or anything like that. what is the reason??
tineeeable 2 weeks ago
@tineeeable There isn't a "reason" for asexuality any more than there is a "reason" for being gay. Attraction is complicated. You probably already know that. And if some people aren't attracted to anyone, they call themselves asexual. You don't have to be abused/traumatized to not feel attraction to anyone. It's not a medical or psychological condition that a person gets diagnosed with. I recommend just accepting that asexuality is an endpoint on a natural sexuality continuum.
swankivy 2 weeks ago
@swankivy Thank you for answering that quickly
I really can`t understand it from an emotional point of view, because love and sex are so imposrtant in my life, I would feel empty without it....
But everybody s different, I guess. sheesh, no one is harmed by asexuality, so it can`t be bad
Some religious leaders, like hindus and christians would probably regard an asexual as a person in a very advanced phase spiritual, because in hinduism people should leave passion behind themselves.
tineeeable 2 weeks ago
@tineeeable I think it's good that you can recognize that we all consider our passions important. Some people can't grasp that asexual people don't have a hole where their sexuality "should" be. Some imagine asexuals as if it's themselves minus sex/romance, but that's not at all accurate. As for spirituality, asexuality has nothing to do with that either. We haven't transcended anything and we're not more pure or advanced; it's not a sacrifice or a statement.
swankivy 2 weeks ago
@swankivy Oh, well-------
That`s complicated... so there are other passions in that place where my sexuality is....
I mean, like an extreme interest in art?
tineeeable 2 weeks ago
@tineeeable No, the problem is processing it as "in place of." It's not "instead of," any more than a person who isn't an artist is a baker "instead of being an artist." People, all people, pursue their passions. If one of your passions is romantic love and sexuality, you pursue it. If we don't have that passion, we don't. It's not a hole we have to fill or an "extreme" pursuit of anything. You have other passions besides sexuality too, I'd think. They can't replace each other.
swankivy 2 weeks ago
@swankivy sheesh that is so complicated and like totally hard to get.....
But I guess I just need to accept that every one`s different.
tineeeable 1 week ago
@tineeeable That'd be awesome. :) We love what we love and we love how we love, and it's really nobody's business to say "this particular kind of love or method of love just isn't okay." So . . . to each his own, right?
swankivy 1 week ago
Hmm, this may sound disrespectful... But is this caused by a trauma o something? I mean why are people asexual? and is it just a phase that `s goin to pass?
tineeeable 2 weeks ago
@tineeeable Yes, that does sound disrespectful. I guess you're not trying to be, but what you're saying is "if you're not straight, something bad happened to you." (I don't know if you believe gay people are also traumatized--I doubt it, actually--but that's what it sounds like to people who are being told they must have been hurt to be the way they are.) No, asexuality isn't "a phase," and it's not a result of trauma. It's a sexual orientation. It's just how some people are.
swankivy 2 weeks ago
I choose to be an extreme asexual, so basically no romantic relationships at all let alone sexual relationships.
YesimSasori 2 weeks ago
@YesimSasori I'm not interested in romantic relationships or sexual relationships either. The term generally associated with that inclination and the resulting lifestyle choice is aromantic asexual. But asexuality is quite a continuum.
swankivy 2 weeks ago
Im an asexuall. People dont get it, but i dont mind - Its really not complicated. Not everybody can love everything
TyroneKOTD 3 weeks ago
thank you for posting this video... Being an asexual myself, I think you are so right. The typical asexual doesn't exist, we are all just different people with different backgrounds...
myralinn 2 months ago in playlist Uploaded videos
@myralinn Yes, you're right--there's no "typical" one of us any more than there's a "typical" heterosexual whose unrelated personality and physical aspects are to blame for what they want to do in bed.
swankivy 2 months ago
Ah, this reminds me of the lgbt 'models': super feminine women and masculine men who are healthy, wealthy and attractive and all of the transgendered people can always pass. Do you think that all attraction is sexual? Sometimes you tend to imply that it is. Asexuals can be attracted right? Just are usually not sexually attracted.
ubiquitousfacts 3 months ago
@ubiquitousfacts Yep, there are plenty of other kinds of attraction besides sexual. That's basically the definition of a romantic asexual, which I mention in this video (when I say gold-star asexuals are usually aromantic or heteroromantic), and which I discuss in depth in this video's Part 2 on the subject of types of romantic asexuals. I don't think it's possible for me to imply that all attraction is sexual if I discuss the alternative explicitly.
swankivy 3 months ago
@swankivy Yeah, I had not watched the other video at the time. Too little time! Now I did.
ubiquitousfacts 3 months ago
@ubiquitousfacts Cool! ^___^
swankivy 3 months ago
It can be especially frustrating as people barely understand my introversion, which I was convinced is pretty simple. They also think it's a choice, not a preference. What IS a choice, however, is my choice to remain celibate. I am not asexual.
These two things combined apparently make me a less complete, boring individual.
Thanks for addressing these intersections!! <3
shigekishock 4 months ago
@shigekishock Hee, no problem!
It'd be a better world if people weren't so focused on a) assuming their own preferences and proclivities are actually the default/preferred state for others and b) trying to change other people supposedly for their own good. Introversion is poorly understood and often thought to be a trait that should be left behind or grown past. I don't understand what makes people so threatened by different kinds of normality.
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy Once again, you hit the nail on the head. Just because it works for you doesn't mean it works for me. If something does not work for me, it is not even your business.
I see the same arguments for outgoing-ness/socialization as I do for sexual activity: it is good for the species. Indeed, we built a population through heterosexual sex + we maintain vitality to a certain point by socializing. That doesn't mean we ALL can/should behave this way, which is something you've said as well.
shigekishock 4 months ago
@shigekishock Exactly. Considering introversion often makes it easier to give sustained attention to creative or intellectual tasks, I think we need all kinds of people to progress as a species. Somehow I don't think going out and getting drunk, dancing to music, and hitting on each other is inherently productive for the species, yet nobody suggests this isn't normal behavior. But when the loudest, most aggressive people control the narrative, what are the rest of us supposed to do?
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy That definitely clicks with me as well. I've never understood the appeal of those activities. However, I have also been close-minded towards them at one point as well. I don't believe I should value my alone, creative time more than the escapist clubbing scene but it is fallacious for a socially unaware party person to accuse a celibate, asexual, disabled, or introverted individual to be a waste in society, which is sadly common.
shigekishock 4 months ago
@shigekishock Yeah. But see, we all have our inclinations. What we choose in our lives should be up to us. It's frustrating that so many people can't empathize--if they see a person who doesn't have sex or isn't out partying, all they can think of is how THEY feel when they can't do these things, and they project those feelings onto others who have different inclinations. I wouldn't say I "don't like" something without trying it, but I would say I shouldn't be pressured to try them anyway.
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy It's important for others to realize that it's a preference based on knowing oneself and not just a repression. This goes for (a)sexuality as well, although it is not a preference or a choice either but identifying is based on self-knowledge, no one else can tell you what you like, if you're gay, if you should get drunk, if you're asexual, etc.
shigekishock 4 months ago
@shigekishock After all, when I say my idea of a good Friday night is posting my webcomic and writing a book, they wrinkle their noses and process that as "OH GOD, HOME ON A FRIDAY NIGHT? HOW PATHETIC!" But do they respond by wondering whether writing a book might be a rewarding way to spend their time? Nope. And yet I'm supposed to give their interest a chance. Live and let live, people. I wrote an article about why I don't like clubs, and got dismissed and mocked by Redditors once for it.
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy Very good points. Projection is the most common roadblock to understanding any diversion from the perceived and constructed norm. I need to utilize this point when trying to explain things to people in general. In the same way someone who is bored when at home would love to go out, I am urging to be home whenever I am out too often or for too long or with too many people, etc.
shigekishock 4 months ago
@shigekishock Yeah, I start craving solitude before too long also, and yet a lot of people who feel energized by large groups will immediately condemn my preference and say I "need" to somehow learn to enjoy it more. It reminds me of how most counseling for sexually incompatible people is geared toward encouraging the less sexual one to be more sexual because the "norm" suggests the less sexual person is the problem rather than the *incompatibility* being the problem.
swankivy 3 months ago
@swankivy That's pretty ironic when it seems to be more about a lack of connection in the right ways. You can't make something appear that isn't there, just like you can't "fix" someone's sex drive or "make" them have sexual attraction. Even with sexuals, if there is no attraction, there's no attraction. There are more complicated aspects as well for some cases but in general, it's another way to force people to want what they don't want.
shigekishock 3 months ago
@shigekishock Yes, you'd think sexual folks would be able to generalize the concept since by and large there are very few people who are attracted to everything that moves and they would feel rather insulted (as they should) if someone suggested it was their responsibility to manufacture or fake the attraction. But as soon as you say you're asexual, suddenly you lose the right to be trusted on the subject of your own attractions; you aren't qualified to describe your own feelings.
swankivy 3 months ago
Can you please tell me what's your background music? thanks
Razer946 4 months ago
@Razer946 The music credits are listed at the end of the video. If you need more information besides what's already there, though, let me know.
swankivy 4 months ago
What are those image macros you keep using? They're hilarious.
IsiXDream 4 months ago
@IsiXDream I think you're referring to the one with the crossed-arms guy? He's Privilege Denying Dude.
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy That's the one. Thanks.
IsiXDream 4 months ago
OK, it is not a blog. Yet, i still it. Yes, i want to go to pages you said, because I am transgender and asexual.
Jamiemaexoxo 4 months ago
@Jamiemaexoxo All right, then just go to the pages I named--they're YouTube accounts. When people are on the screen, their YouTube usernames are right below their names. Links aren't allowed in YouTube comments, but you can find the individuals easily by searching YouTube for their usernames. If you're interested in trans asexuals, the one trans person I featured who still has a YouTube account is Sassafrasish. (Kayleigh no longer has an account, but she can still be found on AVEN I think.)
swankivy 4 months ago
Great job with the video, though I have one nitpick - the "high-functioning" vs. "low-functioning" distinction in the autism community is largely artificial, and autistic people dubbed "low-functioning" by neurotypicals don't deserve to have their sexualities erased or delegitimized either.
Also, though it's a less-common response than "sexual abuse caused your asexuality," some people have made the accusation that other types of trauma can cause it too, which is similarly invalidating.
martianjusticiar 4 months ago
@martianjusticiar Heh, I don't think I insinuated that low-functioning autistic people can't be asexual either. I imagine that like most human experiences, autism is a continuum. And believe me when I say there are tons of reasons--some that have even been levied at me--that people cite as "causing" asexuality which I didn't debunk in this video (for example, once some guy said I was asexual because I might have been a nerd in high school and haven't realized that I'm desirable now).
swankivy 4 months ago
@martianjusticiar Thanks for noting that high-functioning and low-functioning autism aren't simple divisions, because that's interesting . . . I'm just not sure why you're pointing it out in the context of this video since I don't think I said anything to suggest ANYONE "deserves" to be pigeonholed or have their sexuality medicalized, regardless of cognitive function. Though I guess it's mainly the Aspies who recognize asexuality in themselves and reach out online to discuss it.
swankivy 4 months ago
hi i like your blog. please could you put links to the people you named in your blog.
Jamiemaexoxo 4 months ago
@Jamiemaexoxo Glad you like this. It's not a blog, though. Are you asking to know links to the people I feature in the video? If you just want to know more about each of them, please go to their YouTube pages; I put their YouTube names under their regular names when they were on the screen, except for Kayleigh, who used to be GalileoAce but her account is no longer alive.
swankivy 4 months ago
Being overly defensive about your asexuality, by commenting on other peoples assumptions has a negative impact. It tells them "I want you to think like i do."
This applies to all sexual orientation, hetero, homo, bi, pan, or asexual.
I like that you act as a voice, to bring awareness and to help others who may be in a similar situation. But being defensive, tells them you can be hurt by their opinions and assumptions. I believe you are strong enough to stand without counter attacks.
Fallentine 4 months ago
@Fallentine "text limit" this is just my opinion, my observation. Sometimes it's better to simply ignore their opinions, their assumptions, rather than take it personally.
Fallentine 4 months ago
@Fallentine Feel free to identify what you think is "overly defensive," while keeping in mind that contradicting poorly conceived arguments is not "being defensive," and I'll be glad to take your opinion into account. However, for the record, I don't think commenting on assumptions and carefully outlining why they're flawed is "having a negative impact," nor does it suggest that I'm hurt or damage my position. Ignoring common arguments gives them strength when it suggests I can't address them.
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy Touché
Fallentine 4 months ago
It is annoying for people to think they know why you are the way you are. Thanks for doing this swankivy!
eartianwerewolf 4 months ago
@eartianwerewolf No problem. I'm glad you appreciate it! Thanks!
swankivy 4 months ago