This shows clearly how ruminating about something we 'should' not have done keeps us tied to the experience and invested in self-downing. Nice illustration. Poshko's comments remind me of the paradoxical theory of change as utilised by Gestalt therapy. The paradox being we change as a consequence of accepting ourselves as we are right now. I believe Albert Ellis showed us clearly how to achieve this. The reverse of the paradox being desperately trying to change because we feel not good enough.
I think I remember hearing this the first time during a homily at a Catholic Mass of all places. :) It ties in so well with the acceptance concept of CBT. When we accept ourselves as "sinners" or "FHBs" (love that term), the sooner we'll be able to move ahead in the direction we want to go.It's paradoxical, but true. When we learn to stop struggling with our bad habits and learn to accept them as at least sometimes present, the sooner they'll stop getting in the way of our lives.
Part I: @NebulaSteam Both the Master and the student shared the goal of avoiding sexual desire. A conflict occurred between this value and the need to help the woman across the river. The Master chose to assist the woman despite the inevitability of experiencing sexual desire. When he completed the task of helping her across the river, the Master forgave himself for committing the sin and was thereby able to move forward.
Part II: @NebulaSteam By accepting himself despite committing the sin, it was possible for the Master to stop thinking about the sexual experience which is precisely what he wanted to avoid in the first place. The student, on the other hand, remained consumed with sexual desire precisely because he would not accept, he would not forgive.
This shows clearly how ruminating about something we 'should' not have done keeps us tied to the experience and invested in self-downing. Nice illustration. Poshko's comments remind me of the paradoxical theory of change as utilised by Gestalt therapy. The paradox being we change as a consequence of accepting ourselves as we are right now. I believe Albert Ellis showed us clearly how to achieve this. The reverse of the paradox being desperately trying to change because we feel not good enough.
coldwarkid70 1 year ago
I think I remember hearing this the first time during a homily at a Catholic Mass of all places. :) It ties in so well with the acceptance concept of CBT. When we accept ourselves as "sinners" or "FHBs" (love that term), the sooner we'll be able to move ahead in the direction we want to go.It's paradoxical, but true. When we learn to stop struggling with our bad habits and learn to accept them as at least sometimes present, the sooner they'll stop getting in the way of our lives.
poshko41 1 year ago
@poshko41 Well said.
jguterman 1 year ago
Interesting and very thought-provoking, but I'm having trouble understanding this.
The student thinks they should get rid of the feeling of sexual desire. But the master says it's okay to feel that way because you've never left her?
I'm confused. Could you explain this parable, Dr. Guterman?
NebulaSteam 1 year ago
Part I: @NebulaSteam Both the Master and the student shared the goal of avoiding sexual desire. A conflict occurred between this value and the need to help the woman across the river. The Master chose to assist the woman despite the inevitability of experiencing sexual desire. When he completed the task of helping her across the river, the Master forgave himself for committing the sin and was thereby able to move forward.
jguterman 1 year ago
Part II: @NebulaSteam By accepting himself despite committing the sin, it was possible for the Master to stop thinking about the sexual experience which is precisely what he wanted to avoid in the first place. The student, on the other hand, remained consumed with sexual desire precisely because he would not accept, he would not forgive.
jguterman 1 year ago