I was just talking to my Mom the other day about this. I think that Society looks at a heavy set person as being weak or disgusting & I think it's mainly because they just assume that we have no willpower or no self control. I remember one time my family and I went out to a buffet & my dad (the verbally abusive asshole that he is!) whispered to himself "nasty fat bitch" when he saw a heavier set lady filling her plate with food. Judging a book because it has no pretty pictures is just ignorant!!
You will also have to develop character and personality and even virtues and use every bit of intelligence and talent you have into making a success of it all .You havn't got time for all this stupid feeling resentful because you cannot let it all hang out and be as fat as you like and everyone will say it is all ok.and how much they like you.and how great you look They will say it If they are female and your own young age & they will be secretly very happy you are fat, again.
Know this out there it is every girl for herself and each one of them is competing for male attention, she will cut you out in a second if she wants the same man as you do. It's a veritable jungle out there albiet disguised with polite manners and smiling friendshipsEvery female eye is summing you up and calculating every advantage and disadvantege you have..
That is such a load of nonsense the only people who will love you just as you are are hopefully your parents and your family,if you are very lucky. Do not expect that when you go out into society .
You do waffle on sweetie.Now you will attract a whole variety of males e.g. who will want to get to know you for a whole variety of reasons not the least to have an attractive girl on their arm to show of to their friends. It goes on from there you will also attract the egocentric go getter who will not settle for anything but the best.He only cares about number one.Put on weight he will drop you like a hot spud.
Hope you are smart enough to discern who 's who. Or maybe join an Ashram!
You are so right it shouldn't ....but it does.Why ?Hear what the males have to say about overweight girls and maybe you will see the writing on the wall and females take their cue from what males want. So a female who is seriously over weight is defintely out of the game as far as males are concerned. It is all about ego.You will never change that.Don't believe me ? Then have a look at the Women the Alfa males escort to the footy seasons awards night.
You thought by losing weight and looking good your life would change for the better ,but you have just entered a new and more demanding paradigm Ofcourse you are angry.You mean
males I think,pay you more attention the other thing is your female friends change too.You are now a threat and that is the name of the mating game when you are young.
You are a really really attractive girl and losing weight enhances that it always does. So why don't you just enjoy that ( and keep the weight off) and deal with the jealousy that surrounds you.Because it will always be there.Make your inner beauty shine by enhancing the world around you with the great inner person you are but do it in your renewed body .Good luck.
I can only speak about my own experience as a yo-yo dieter. My problem with my body is that I built a wall against the world 2 protect me from their gaze. I was hyper-aware of others, examining & judging their opinions, & how their tastes, attitudes, and motivations influenced my value. Of COURSE when their behavior changed, I imagined it was ALL about THEM. The truth: I would not be a yo-yo-er if I was focused on ME instead of THEM. Getting healthy is about ME & I don't wanna go THERE.
It's just that it's something very obvious to the eye. Similar to how when looking at a person dressed very provocatively, it's hard not to notice that first. Toxicity that accumulates around the body is not the true form of the person (they are not their fat/toxicity accumulations). It's hard not to notice. It's like a distraction. It's very unnatural, only possible with processed foods and sedentary lifestyles.
Similar also to an extreme smell. When around someone with an extreme smell it takes a lot of will to stay there even though they are nice.
After I fasted it was hard to be in rooms because the smell was so strong. Sitting, talking, praying with people was difficult. It was difficult to be around people because the smell was so putrid, like decay. Of course when you eat like most people you don't notice anymore, hardly smell anything.
when I am heavier I dont feel good about myself and I know I put off a different energy than I do when I am smaller. When bigger I tend to not look people in the eyes, talk much less, and try to put as little attention I can to myself b/c I dont want people looking at my "fat ugly face". I get a bad self image of myself and people may see my actions as mean or stuck up. I make myself more isolated and I know this effects how people react to me. I am a more confident person when Im smaller.
500 characters was not enough. 1/2 my book is dedicated 2 this subject. No one should base their judgement of another on their appearance no matter what it is. Short tall fat skinny black white.....whatever. Who they R is what matters, not what they look like. People can judge me all they want. I know who I M where I've been & where I M going. Many of us do base our self esteem on others opinions—not good. 3% is the difference in our own self image...97% is societal stigma! Good vid!
A chapter in my book is titled "Obesity should not be an issue." There R plenty of people who according 2 "standards" R overweigt, even obese who live wonderful vibrant healthy lives yet people judge them based on their appearance. I don't care what I weigh as long as I can be mobile & healthy, but society sure does. 12 years ago I had gotten down to 275 & was quite fit for my size (I was a water fitness instructor) & boy was I treated differently.....same person though. Infuriates me.
Hi,I must admit that being excluded when overweight, then suddenly invited by the same people after losing weight happened to me also. Fortunately, I hadn't let their meanness define me; so when the same people started paying me 'slim' attention, I just smiled - they didn't realize I was having a laugh at them and their shallowness.
I eat to celebrate or when I feel good... so when people start telling me how good I look it makes me want to eat! When I lost weight before people would say, "don't loose to much more or you will be too thin". I weighed 175! You can enjoy (perform) some things better thinner (like riding a roller coaster, walking, running, swimming). It is human to look at physical features but who the heck said what is pretty, ugly, or acceptable! Hundreds of years ago, fat was prefered!
And you feel better now that you can blame them all for putting all that blubber back on & how you feel about yourself? You did it once you can do it again.They were just jealous.Wake up.
It is very sad.. moreover.. that is just how our world is.. some/most people judge and only want to associate with others due to their outer appearance.. I know that since i have gained 65 pounds... that i am looked upon differently.. this is the first time i have ever been this size... and it is going to be interesting how i react to those that treat me differently after i lose this weight.. very sad very sad that we are judged by our weight.. usually negatively if you are considered overweight
nature of the beast. but it could be that they noticed you before but you just didnt process it as intended at the time. possibly could be that you're more approachable or confident and that gets people's attention. but it's all about what is best for you; if you're happy about being healthy that's what matters. dont beat yourself up and grieve for the person you were fat or not; you picked up characteristics/character as you tackled the weight/health issues; you've grown as a person.
and as someone who's gone through that, you have a perspective that others, that havent gone through that dont have. speaking out and about your experiences is something that is probably good for you; when something is unsettling, a wrong to be righted etc. it's those kind of things, that we gain from life's experiences, that shape our perspective and help us define our value systems. nothing wrong with it at all; other people are on their own "journey" to "enlightenment" etc.
and are on different paths or in different "places" in life; so you cant "expect" people to "get it" or change immediately. bottom line- it's not your problem; it's theirs.
I've experienced this exactly and it pisses me off. Even more hurtful has been my family giving me more attention. People who are overweight are often seen as dirty and grosse. I don't get it. I then get more attention and respect from people for being slim. And I feel valued more. I think this cycle of their reaction, triggering our reaction, I think feeds into weight gain..
yes and the anger would lead to gaining weight back and this is why i'm trying to figure out now how i'm going to deal with this so it doesnt happen again.
sushicatny ,I am anxious to get this message across to you otherwise you will never get past this block and you will gain weight again in denial and defiance of what it is you are really facing.
Suddenly being percieved as very attractive will not change your life for the better. Only you can do the inner work for that and you have only just begun.Change your focus from yourself.
because I feel like I am only appreciated a certain weight, panic if I gain a little and then withdraw and start eating again. It all comes down to self acceptance. People are unfortunately incredible shallow.
I think it all comes down to the kind of person you are as well. This isn't reality... it's self perception. I think we can overlook this and not bother with those people!
And ALSO educate those people!! I educated my friend the other day who said my losing 27 pounds whilst some celebrity lost 80 in the same period of time, wasn't quick enough. I lectured her and she wouldn't dream of saying that again to me or anyone else. You should think of responses and prepared things to say should this happen. This way, you will feel more in control, empowered and accepting of who you are. xx
Also, you are a better person now because your physical happiness will affect your mood ; having a more positive outlook and emotional well being. You are achieving a lot and doing it in such an inspirational way. Be proud of you! And don't bother with others who are only proud when you've lost weight. xx
So you think because you shut your friend up once that's it? I doubt You can change anyone's way of thinking about you and your weight by lecturing them. Ever.27 pounds is good ulness you needed to lose 127lbs,
It's a combination of things. Yes, you physically look better after losing weight, however you bring out a more positive mental vibe when you are taking care of yourself. You may not realize it, but you are more confident and happy being thinner, and that attracts happy and positive people. Sure you were always a good person, but maybe you deflected people because even you were down on yourself.
ugh. Your right! I know how you feel. I have also lost a lot of weight before and I can see how people treat me differently. It angers me! I know what you mean about self worth, I am that person that does that and I HATE it. I am working on that and want to enjoy the things I want to do no matter how much I weigh, by feeling like this for years I do feel like i've wasted a lot of my life dwelling on my weight.
ya know what.. i know exactly what your talking about.. i have grown a thick skin when im dealing with people.. If your real , we can be friends and if your fake we cant .. I think that we will meet many people in life and the fake people will be exposed .. all you can do at that point is let them go..
I find it funny when you ask people "Am I too fat?" and they go "OH, no way you look good!" then you lose weight and the same people are like OMG!! YOU LOOK SO MUCH BETTER!!!
Yeah that makes me angry. Part of the reason I gained weight was I didn't want that negative/fake attention. It was annoying. And even when I was skinner, my parents always said I should lose weight, which was funny cause I gainned and lost. And now they are proud of me losing weight. instead of other achievements...
I was just talking to my Mom the other day about this. I think that Society looks at a heavy set person as being weak or disgusting & I think it's mainly because they just assume that we have no willpower or no self control. I remember one time my family and I went out to a buffet & my dad (the verbally abusive asshole that he is!) whispered to himself "nasty fat bitch" when he saw a heavier set lady filling her plate with food. Judging a book because it has no pretty pictures is just ignorant!!
xoLUVxoMYxoFIMOxo 2 years ago
You will also have to develop character and personality and even virtues and use every bit of intelligence and talent you have into making a success of it all .You havn't got time for all this stupid feeling resentful because you cannot let it all hang out and be as fat as you like and everyone will say it is all ok.and how much they like you.and how great you look They will say it If they are female and your own young age & they will be secretly very happy you are fat, again.
bluewren2 2 years ago
Know this out there it is every girl for herself and each one of them is competing for male attention, she will cut you out in a second if she wants the same man as you do. It's a veritable jungle out there albiet disguised with polite manners and smiling friendshipsEvery female eye is summing you up and calculating every advantage and disadvantege you have..
bluewren2 2 years ago
That is such a load of nonsense the only people who will love you just as you are are hopefully your parents and your family,if you are very lucky. Do not expect that when you go out into society .
bluewren2 2 years ago
Hey, that just part of the program. People are frickle these days....I wouldn't sweat it if i was you.
Misshaircare2009 2 years ago
You do waffle on sweetie.Now you will attract a whole variety of males e.g. who will want to get to know you for a whole variety of reasons not the least to have an attractive girl on their arm to show of to their friends. It goes on from there you will also attract the egocentric go getter who will not settle for anything but the best.He only cares about number one.Put on weight he will drop you like a hot spud.
Hope you are smart enough to discern who 's who. Or maybe join an Ashram!
bluewren2 2 years ago
You are so right it shouldn't ....but it does.Why ?Hear what the males have to say about overweight girls and maybe you will see the writing on the wall and females take their cue from what males want. So a female who is seriously over weight is defintely out of the game as far as males are concerned. It is all about ego.You will never change that.Don't believe me ? Then have a look at the Women the Alfa males escort to the footy seasons awards night.
bluewren2 2 years ago
You thought by losing weight and looking good your life would change for the better ,but you have just entered a new and more demanding paradigm Ofcourse you are angry.You mean
males I think,pay you more attention the other thing is your female friends change too.You are now a threat and that is the name of the mating game when you are young.
bluewren2 2 years ago
You are a really really attractive girl and losing weight enhances that it always does. So why don't you just enjoy that ( and keep the weight off) and deal with the jealousy that surrounds you.Because it will always be there.Make your inner beauty shine by enhancing the world around you with the great inner person you are but do it in your renewed body .Good luck.
bluewren2 2 years ago
I can only speak about my own experience as a yo-yo dieter. My problem with my body is that I built a wall against the world 2 protect me from their gaze. I was hyper-aware of others, examining & judging their opinions, & how their tastes, attitudes, and motivations influenced my value. Of COURSE when their behavior changed, I imagined it was ALL about THEM. The truth: I would not be a yo-yo-er if I was focused on ME instead of THEM. Getting healthy is about ME & I don't wanna go THERE.
hollywoodartchick 2 years ago
hollywoodartchick
All I can say to you is 'I rest my case".
bluewren2 2 years ago
This is right on! The worst part is when u go from skinny to fat and ppl treat u like dirt . ( i have bene thru this myself) . u tell it sister!
singlechick27 2 years ago
Good points... :)
Rachel0h 2 years ago
It's just that it's something very obvious to the eye. Similar to how when looking at a person dressed very provocatively, it's hard not to notice that first. Toxicity that accumulates around the body is not the true form of the person (they are not their fat/toxicity accumulations). It's hard not to notice. It's like a distraction. It's very unnatural, only possible with processed foods and sedentary lifestyles.
crystalAura 2 years ago
Similar also to an extreme smell. When around someone with an extreme smell it takes a lot of will to stay there even though they are nice.
After I fasted it was hard to be in rooms because the smell was so strong. Sitting, talking, praying with people was difficult. It was difficult to be around people because the smell was so putrid, like decay. Of course when you eat like most people you don't notice anymore, hardly smell anything.
crystalAura 2 years ago
This was true, but maybe it is info that shouldn't be share on account of how it was given a thumbs down.
crystalAura 2 years ago
when I am heavier I dont feel good about myself and I know I put off a different energy than I do when I am smaller. When bigger I tend to not look people in the eyes, talk much less, and try to put as little attention I can to myself b/c I dont want people looking at my "fat ugly face". I get a bad self image of myself and people may see my actions as mean or stuck up. I make myself more isolated and I know this effects how people react to me. I am a more confident person when Im smaller.
tinamia1979 2 years ago
500 characters was not enough. 1/2 my book is dedicated 2 this subject. No one should base their judgement of another on their appearance no matter what it is. Short tall fat skinny black white.....whatever. Who they R is what matters, not what they look like. People can judge me all they want. I know who I M where I've been & where I M going. Many of us do base our self esteem on others opinions—not good. 3% is the difference in our own self image...97% is societal stigma! Good vid!
JoanLandis 2 years ago
A chapter in my book is titled "Obesity should not be an issue." There R plenty of people who according 2 "standards" R overweigt, even obese who live wonderful vibrant healthy lives yet people judge them based on their appearance. I don't care what I weigh as long as I can be mobile & healthy, but society sure does. 12 years ago I had gotten down to 275 & was quite fit for my size (I was a water fitness instructor) & boy was I treated differently.....same person though. Infuriates me.
JoanLandis 2 years ago
Hi,I must admit that being excluded when overweight, then suddenly invited by the same people after losing weight happened to me also. Fortunately, I hadn't let their meanness define me; so when the same people started paying me 'slim' attention, I just smiled - they didn't realize I was having a laugh at them and their shallowness.
lin55385 2 years ago
I eat to celebrate or when I feel good... so when people start telling me how good I look it makes me want to eat! When I lost weight before people would say, "don't loose to much more or you will be too thin". I weighed 175! You can enjoy (perform) some things better thinner (like riding a roller coaster, walking, running, swimming). It is human to look at physical features but who the heck said what is pretty, ugly, or acceptable! Hundreds of years ago, fat was prefered!
shesakura 2 years ago
That may be so a hundred years ago but today vitality health and proactivity is preferred.That's just how it is.
bluewren2 2 years ago
Comment removed
andalei1989 2 years ago
And you feel better now that you can blame them all for putting all that blubber back on & how you feel about yourself? You did it once you can do it again.They were just jealous.Wake up.
bluewren2 2 years ago
It is very sad.. moreover.. that is just how our world is.. some/most people judge and only want to associate with others due to their outer appearance.. I know that since i have gained 65 pounds... that i am looked upon differently.. this is the first time i have ever been this size... and it is going to be interesting how i react to those that treat me differently after i lose this weight.. very sad very sad that we are judged by our weight.. usually negatively if you are considered overweight
DALECHAN 2 years ago
nature of the beast. but it could be that they noticed you before but you just didnt process it as intended at the time. possibly could be that you're more approachable or confident and that gets people's attention. but it's all about what is best for you; if you're happy about being healthy that's what matters. dont beat yourself up and grieve for the person you were fat or not; you picked up characteristics/character as you tackled the weight/health issues; you've grown as a person.
asfsfa11 2 years ago
and as someone who's gone through that, you have a perspective that others, that havent gone through that dont have. speaking out and about your experiences is something that is probably good for you; when something is unsettling, a wrong to be righted etc. it's those kind of things, that we gain from life's experiences, that shape our perspective and help us define our value systems. nothing wrong with it at all; other people are on their own "journey" to "enlightenment" etc.
asfsfa11 2 years ago
and are on different paths or in different "places" in life; so you cant "expect" people to "get it" or change immediately. bottom line- it's not your problem; it's theirs.
asfsfa11 2 years ago
I've experienced this exactly and it pisses me off. Even more hurtful has been my family giving me more attention. People who are overweight are often seen as dirty and grosse. I don't get it. I then get more attention and respect from people for being slim. And I feel valued more. I think this cycle of their reaction, triggering our reaction, I think feeds into weight gain..
TheStarvingSoprano 2 years ago
yes and the anger would lead to gaining weight back and this is why i'm trying to figure out now how i'm going to deal with this so it doesnt happen again.
sushicatny 2 years ago
sushicatny ,I am anxious to get this message across to you otherwise you will never get past this block and you will gain weight again in denial and defiance of what it is you are really facing.
Suddenly being percieved as very attractive will not change your life for the better. Only you can do the inner work for that and you have only just begun.Change your focus from yourself.
bluewren2 2 years ago
because I feel like I am only appreciated a certain weight, panic if I gain a little and then withdraw and start eating again. It all comes down to self acceptance. People are unfortunately incredible shallow.
I think it all comes down to the kind of person you are as well. This isn't reality... it's self perception. I think we can overlook this and not bother with those people!
TheStarvingSoprano 2 years ago
And ALSO educate those people!! I educated my friend the other day who said my losing 27 pounds whilst some celebrity lost 80 in the same period of time, wasn't quick enough. I lectured her and she wouldn't dream of saying that again to me or anyone else. You should think of responses and prepared things to say should this happen. This way, you will feel more in control, empowered and accepting of who you are. xx
TheStarvingSoprano 2 years ago
Also, you are a better person now because your physical happiness will affect your mood ; having a more positive outlook and emotional well being. You are achieving a lot and doing it in such an inspirational way. Be proud of you! And don't bother with others who are only proud when you've lost weight. xx
TheStarvingSoprano 2 years ago
So you think because you shut your friend up once that's it? I doubt You can change anyone's way of thinking about you and your weight by lecturing them. Ever.27 pounds is good ulness you needed to lose 127lbs,
bluewren2 2 years ago
It's a combination of things. Yes, you physically look better after losing weight, however you bring out a more positive mental vibe when you are taking care of yourself. You may not realize it, but you are more confident and happy being thinner, and that attracts happy and positive people. Sure you were always a good person, but maybe you deflected people because even you were down on yourself.
brandonkirk 2 years ago 2
ugh. Your right! I know how you feel. I have also lost a lot of weight before and I can see how people treat me differently. It angers me! I know what you mean about self worth, I am that person that does that and I HATE it. I am working on that and want to enjoy the things I want to do no matter how much I weigh, by feeling like this for years I do feel like i've wasted a lot of my life dwelling on my weight.
hardtorockgirl 2 years ago 2
ya know what.. i know exactly what your talking about.. i have grown a thick skin when im dealing with people.. If your real , we can be friends and if your fake we cant .. I think that we will meet many people in life and the fake people will be exposed .. all you can do at that point is let them go..
-JumokeTV
JumokeTV 2 years ago
I find it funny when you ask people "Am I too fat?" and they go "OH, no way you look good!" then you lose weight and the same people are like OMG!! YOU LOOK SO MUCH BETTER!!!
UlyssesBreckenridge 2 years ago 2
Yeah that makes me angry. Part of the reason I gained weight was I didn't want that negative/fake attention. It was annoying. And even when I was skinner, my parents always said I should lose weight, which was funny cause I gainned and lost. And now they are proud of me losing weight. instead of other achievements...
thinslender 2 years ago