Dan Savage on Dating After High School

[EllysaE]

... thst's horrible advice. "get drunk, sleep with them" ...

[Snoep76239]

Someone should make a film short of a "cage meeting" that led to romance...

Slave 1 : So, um, are your cuffs really tight too?

Slave 2 : Hmmmm mmm hmhmhm.

Slave 1: Oh, so it's your ball gag that's tight. Do I look hot in this leather bustier or does your hood have the eyes zipped shut too?

Slave 2: Hnnmmmm mmmrgh hmhmh.

[juniperann]

“Put yourself out there” is good advice, but you also need to put yourself out there where you’re likely to meet someone who’s right for you. I met a fellow atheist at a local humanist group. My friend met a fellow health-nut at the 10-mile mark of a marathon. My fiancée’s brother met a fellow anime nerd while running a LARP at an anime convention. None of us would have been as well-served by going to a bar and trying to drunkenly shout “so what do you do?” over a pumping base.

[squamish4244]

Most of the time Dan's advice is pretty good, this time he is way off the mark. I don't think going out and getting drunk is great advice for dating. Or even bars in general, except in college, or when you are in your late teens/early twenties.

[PolitiicallyInkorect]

get shitfaced for love!

[edgeldan]

I actually don't like the whole sleezy method of meeting "the one". I have the most functional relationship I've ever seen, and I've known her my whole life... we were "just friends" for sixteen years before we got together.

[ashlee22559]

hahahaha! Dan is so hilarious!

[saskiaburgermeister]

It's a bit rude to call people stupid just because they're younger than you.

I don't necessarily think what he's saying is true or helpful. It is harder for gays to meet each other somewhere ordinary like at school or at work, ect. but there are lots of websites where you can put a nice ad up that show's your looking for dating and not hook ups, and people will respond. I think gays should be more open minded about online dating, there is definitely a place for nice, wholesome dating there.

[GrahamNificent]

I'm in that position too. I would like to meet someone who doesn't particularly like getting smashed and having one-night stands and doing drugs. I'm sure there are plenty of people like that out there, they are just more difficult to find. This is one instance where I disagree with the obviously very knowledgeable Mr. Savage. I'm not willing to sacrifice my lifestyle to find a partner, especially since I probably won't have that much in common with them if I disagree about the value of partying

[vivacomama]

@GrahamNificent The idea of putting yourself "out there" still applies. :) If you participate in (group) activities you enjoy, there will be others there with similar hobbies and disposition.

Good luck!

[Snoep76239]

@GrahamNificent Not everyone who goes to a bar "gets smashed" does drugs or goes home with people the night they meet them. He was being a little tongue-in-cheek with the "smashed" stuff. I've met great people in bars, never got "smashed" with them at the bar and ended up having a good relationship after many sober conversations at the bar.

[pinkpixiechic]

I met my fiance when he was dating my roommate at the time. I thought he was cute but since he was off the market I looked else where. After I moved out we lost contact until one night I was out drinking with the girls, seen him, found out we were both single and gave him my phone number. Now we have a house, a son and we are getting married. My advice is you never know who is going to make you happy, and not all relationships last forever (which sometimes works out in your favor)

[CarissaXo99]

I met the only guy I've ever been in a serious relationship with on a sex fair! People selling sexy clothing and sex toys, other's on the stage stripping and performing live sex acts.. and there in the middle of everything we just met.

And I told everybody because I thought it was so hilarious. Well... I didn't tell my grandma, I told her we went to same school.

[Zabbai]

While my friend was dating his wife, he cheated on her. They broke up, got back together and now they're married and have two kids. He's right. Life doesn't make sense.

[chocmilkshake24]

haha i love that cage story! maybe they should've changed it to how i met your father.

[MagnificentFiend]

@dolan008 /watch?v=KiYvR73xNEY

[megustaverlas]

I'm about to graduate out of college and still haven't dated!! Hahaha XD

[Aicirt8]

@megustaverlas Me too =( Oh well, we will own everybody in 5 years when we make 6 digits a year =D

(actually, I guess I've been on 1 date =P)

[megustaverlas]

@Aicirt8 a friend of mine makes a lot of money and she's had tons of dates. Maybe that does make a difference =D

[Kayelle1980]

Oh, it's so funneh though. My last bf & I met off an adult chatroom on IRC (where I happened to be a mod). We "polished" the story for the family.It lasted for almost 4 years, and in no way did I see it as sleazy. People meet each other in a myriad of ways and sometimes relationships just sort of ensue.

Never dated in highschool either. Or even "dated" at all in the traditional sense

[Orville9999]

I like the way he says that this women should go to a bar and get drunk. Why not just openly advocate getting raped? Because that's what it is. 

[Kayelle1980]

@Orville9999

I would say that while I consider rape to be a very serious issue, I resent the notion that if sex results in a drunken state, it's rape. You can be inebriated and still consent - not all of us drink ourselves into a coma, and I've had some rather fun tipsy sex actually.

[frazzified]

You remind me of Seth Meyers

[nawstra578]

aw what do you if u dont get drunk wait doestht give u an advantage XD

[atr4ever]

is it weird that i find this cage story cute?

[VittheKit]

@atr4ever I find it cute too.

[PriscillaRelentless]

@atr4ever I'm so glad you said that. I thought it was cute too (for some reason I don't even fully understand). It made me go "awww..." 

[Kayelle1980]

@atr4ever

It's cute, but then I'm a pervert ;)

[vonfox83]

This is amazing. 

[snowleopard772]

"they are getting married, because their in Canada where people are free " :)

[dichroichameleon]

Dan is wearing the 2007 Manifest tshirt from Columbia College! =D yay! Reppin' my school!

[a5dr3]

Wow. Good luck with that folks.

[GraceCase20]

Wow, I pray that God grants this guy repentance.

[mizsigzLLR]

@GraceCase20 Yeah it'll be fine, dont you worry yourself.

[xxBlacksundayxx]

@GraceCase20

Or maybe grant you repentance

For being such a biased ass

[lissheim]

I know going out and getting shit faced would probably have gotten me laid ages ago, in a parallel universe. In this universe, I have never felt an inkling of enjoyment while drinking. All I do is fall asleep, and I've had more than enough training. Meeting someone while being locked up in some kinky guy's basement sounds like a much more probable scenario...also sounds like much more fun than falling asleep with my face stuck to a sticky bar counter, really. Oh and I'm a lady, with issues...

[johnclavis]

Well, you can not drink and still go to the bar... just smoke some pot before you get there! LOL and as for issues... who *doesn't* have issues? I've come to the conclusion that the only people who don't have issues are MORONS! Morons don't have issues! The rest of us do!

[averagehomosapien]

I think the cage story is kinda cute, actually :)

[snarkwaupaca]

I get to say "My wife and I met at Abuser Treatment at a battered women's shelter"

/ I was a volunteer

// she was a councilor

[perfectionbox]

It takes a very secure man to admit a poodle. :)

[JLoveBomb]

Best ever.

[wildbloodydragon]

Probably the first gay person I can stand. Funny guy.

[GodCreatesGays2]

Wildbloodydragon, if you "can't stand" for most gay men, I guess that means you prefer bending over for them.

[wildbloodydragon]

Oh look a gay joke! How original!

[Flyleafsoup]

This video makes me wish I wasn't Gay.

[JLoveBomb]

Your comment makes me wish you weren't stupid.

[Flyleafsoup]

well that's too bad.

maybe I am, because I'm still a child that has alot to learn so fuck you.

[JLoveBomb]

Well fuck you harder because it sounded like you were hating on gays in general and yourself in particular. Don't self-loathe. Why would you willfully choose to do a homophobe's job for them? And don't judge or hate on others for being gay or sexual. You have enough miserable assholes in the world who will do that for you too. And they're sad sorry hateful jerks who lead sad sorry boring lives and they should be voted off the planet until they learn how to hate people for the right reasons.

[albertismypet]

@Flyleafsoup I feel the same.

[christinesshadows]

come have a soda at Cuneens!

[uninspired42]

I find this question kind of hilarious considering the fact that there are so many people (myself included) who could never ever ever get a date in High School. Thus, all I know about dating is what happened after High School.

[zeebo88]

lol.... ahh high school sooo glad i didnt peak in high school

[xxBlacksundayxx]

@uninspired42

Especially if you are like me, a geeky, fat insomniac that all girls talk to you about it your math answers:p

[traceldel]

I found my husband in a pile of laundry on the back porch. We're celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary next week. When others ask "How do you find a good partner" I just have to reply that I have no idea. Mine was not an easily replicable method.

[TearDropCatcher]

Ahahaha, "gayest job in NA"!!!

[lildrummerboy89]

land of the free? canada sounds more like it.

[relmneiko]

@lildrummerboy89 There's a reason we call it the "true north strong and free" :P

[CaraIain]

yay! thanks for saying toronto properly!

[MaggyWood]

Canada Rocks!

[bambixxxharu]

A poodle?

How cute!

[thorthewhore]

That story was funny wow haha.

[PeterOrszagCallMe]

I love that--not "meet cute" it's "meet sleazy!"

[OneWorldOneLife]

Go Canada!