Ugh, Dip is so nasty, I don't blame you for not wanting to date him, even though he's a nice guy and you like him. You are not shallow for not wanting to date him. I've dated girls who smoked and some who did, and I've decided that from now on I will only date non-smokers. Congrats on quitting smoking. I wish you the best in staying quit. Good luck in finding a nice guy. You are a really cool girl, and I'm sure you will find happiness. I wish I was in Michigan.
Keep hunting babe! Smoker or non smoker , I kinda see you point its a non desirable trait. I don't know how it would effect me. It depends on who it is. Fuck it I am shallow, its like saying I am not attracted to fat people.
No worries, I've actually been making videos lately!! WOO HOO lol
So I'm dating someone who has videos posted on YouTube, not blogs or anything but the idea isn't completely foreign to him either. Cross your fingers, this one is a GREAT catch!!
wow interesting video. No, you're not shallow for not wanting to be with someone who uses tobacco in general. Think of the health complications later on. Sorry to hear that at the time of making this vid your really frustrated with relationships and lost some due to your YouTube videos. That's why I tell very few of my friends about my YouTube stuff, though I don't have much anways.
btw THANKS SO MUCH for showing me where MUGGLESAM was in the Science Centre. I owe you my life :P hehehe.
Aww you are SO welcome!! I know how it feels to miss seeing someone after going all that way!! Hope you had a good time, it was nice to meet you! And isn't Sophia simply adorable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes Sophia is sooo incredibly adorable! :) Well I live in Toronto so it wasn't much trouble but yes I had a good time. Well I didn't stay long. After I talked to MuggleSam I left :P I didn't know anyone there and just left. You were like the 3rd random person I asked btw. I was like gonna give up if you didn't know where MuggleSam was or don't even know who MuggleSam was. :P I guess 3rd one's a charm. Sophia too, also looked so much smaller then what I had thought. ahaha :)
What I don't understand is that the money making was an immediate turn off? There are many ruthless/self absorbed people who make a lot of money, but there are also people who happen to have a job that pays well and they dont let the money go to their head. They don't change their lifestyle much. Sometimes you can't immediately tell how the money has affected them. So I was wondering if you could explain that one a bit more.
Haha, yes, it would be LOVELY to date a rich guy, to even marry one, because money can make things easier in today's society. But if all one can talk about is the things money has done for them, it's disgusting to a person like me who grew up poor. This guy made it VERY apparent that he loved his money and what it could do for him, and I was just grossed out. There's more to a person than what they OWN!
(hope this helps! I swear I'm not as shallow as some other people on this planet!)
The tobacco thing is totally understandable, when I went to your earlier vids I was disappointed with the smoking. I was like she has some interesting things to say but the cig is really distracting. I don't think many smokers understand that their habit leaves a REALLY bad first impression for many people. I'm not tryin to hate on all smokers, I'm just being HONEST, people will judge you.
you are right, smokers do not understand.... but then again, if you are a smoker, seeing someone who smokes means you already have that in common with them, so to a smoker it can be attractive. Weird how that divides us, huh?
ppl choose their destiny. you can't blame society for your mistakes. i can't shoot the sun down because it will cause skin cancer. you just have to be well educated about these things and stay away from them. i see that ppl have addictive personalities and that's the problem. not vendors, etc. i've never been addicted to anything because i have control of the mind over matter!!!!!
life as whole is a rubbish anyway, why not jump into the mesh, and let see how would you survive, even with a lung cancer, do you think it worth something instead you driving alone endlessly. get marry and have kids, if you analyze life so much, then actually we should not be alive, for what? if we are just to produce more fertilizer, please visit a dump site, there is where you'll find all the finest of live end up.
wow no wonder u are ugly ass hell u dumb ass bitch, u should become a lesbian, and there is no match for your dumb ass get a life. Boring zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I remember being interested in woman and she smoked. What turned me off about her was the fact that she made fun of a certain person who often asked a lot of questions during class. I've met people who didn't like the fact that she was getting made fun of. However, smoking is a turn off for me though. As for the tobacco guy, I don't think you're shallow, my guess is that you don't want to go back to smoking yourself. I hope that made sense there. :)
answer is no. i broke up with a chick cause she started smoking. i also hit it off with a girl once, and we went to make out and i imeditly stopped kissing and backedu p... said "are you a smoker?" and she said yes and i said good bye lol. it matters extreamly. people have standards and things they look for. and thats one for me. and i dont see why it should be an issue.
at first I thought you were going to say that he smoked cigs!...lol You aren't shallow!! :) Chew is gross!!...I m still traumatized from a road trip with a guy friend that chewed!! He would spit it into his empty pop bottle....Sooo gross!! It was a dark long drive..and I just grabbed what I thought was my pop...well, you can figure out the rest!...Still makes me sick to think about it!
If you care about him, you will figure out a way to bring that lump in his mouth up! ;) Love ya girl!
Shallow? Nope. I can relate in a way. Before I got burned-out and decided to never again romantically commit, I could not stand being with drug users. I quit everything except caffine and alcohol... so now people who use coke, speed, barbituates, LSD, ect really irk me. Social Mary-J users don't bother me but serious potheads do.
Besides... you are lovely, sensitive and intelligent... you should not be an easy catch. ;)
Congrats that its' been over a year :D. My boyfriend smokes and I have lung disease. We make compromises. He smokes outside (I'd leave if he refused, of course). Maybe you can talk to him and tell him you find it to be unattractive and you'd like him to stop, but maybe you don't know each other well enough for that. You never know what someone will do! :) But, it's probably good not to date him because what if he started smoking instead of chewing then he could be a stumbling block for you.
congradulations on the mile stone Becka and ohh my gosh I graduated in 98 to I'm all like terrified and antsy about my reunion. But as for the shallowness thing. So not the shallow Becka I one of the people in my reenacting unit chews tabacco, and it goes above and beyond grose for their wife to kiss them. It makes his breath smell really weird just to be around him, and if you don't spit properly when you chew, the person kissing you can get fibreglass slivers. (yes they use Fibreglass in chew.
me too, 10 years... I like how you believe in niceness as an important virtue... and I like your uniqueness and honesty. not shallow, these details are pretty personal and significant. What are you willing to do? Only you can know, either way. Good luck with the friendships, hope it all works out... and congrats on 14 months. : )
Congrats on still not smoking!!!!!! Youre not shallow for not wanting to be with someone who uses tobacco, you chose to quit, and dont have to put up with someone else using it:) I hope to see you this weekend. I have similar issues on the dating scene....we have to get together and share some stories:) Peace Love ya!!!
I can definitely understand considering that you're an ex-smoker yourself. It makes everything complicated in a manner it shouldn't have to be. In the end, you'll find someone awesome with whom you have an awesome rappor and who doesn't smoke and who lives right next door to you. MAYBE HE'S NEXT DOOR RIGHT NOW!!
Maybe he'll drop the habit and contact you again? If he does, it means he's really interested. Same thing sort of happenned to me. A girl told me she'd date me if I lost weight. (I was very heavy, a long time ago)
I did lose the weight, and we dated for 2 years. But that was a great motivation for getting healthier.
Maybe you should ask him how he feels about dipping or chewing. Maybe he's been looking for a reason to quit. Maybe you could help him through it and y'all turn out to be a perfect match. But don't settle, or you'll end up another divorce statistic. You're not shallow, it's not like you got on here and said, "I can't date this guy, he only has a three inch penis.". lol
I really don't like smokers and I don't think I would be able to look at someone using tobacco as gum. Where is he? 1949?! No, you're not shallow, you're smarter than him :)
I dont know that your shallow I dont think you are, but hey if its (tabacco) a turn off its a turn off ya know? :) Good job on smoking or the 14 mo. lack there of! You were an initial inspiration when I quit in novemberish. I like your new shades, they fit your face good..he he that sounded like a creepy internet "comment" but I mean it in a very ordinary manner. It was a fun video to watch I would give it 5 stars. Well I did,lol. I hope that you find a rad boyfriend that you totally dig!
yes I am the ripe old age of 31 now,:) but Im aging like "fine wine" to quote your video lol j/k. Ya my b-day is on June 6 along with Jipsi-k except I didnt go on stickam this year!:)
if you really were meant to be with this guy, then the little things like using dip shouldnt set you off. if a thing like that annoys you now, if you date him its just gonna keep annoying you.
So I called him last night to let him know I couldn't date him. I felt it was cooler than just not talking to him anymore.... and hey, maybe when a little time has passed, I'll have made a really great friend!
But yeah, I had to walk away from it. Sucks, huh?
I'm really surprised at you. I've watched your videos for a long time, and I cant imagine you as someone who would reject someone just for that, especially since you were a smoker, I would think you would understand. I am a former smoker myself too, but I would never allow the fact that someone smokes put blinders up to the other things we share
I think it's very important that I be attracted to someone that I am dating. It's kind of part of the deal. Unfortunately, using chew *does* make him UNattractive to me, just as a girl smoking is attractive to you. Everyone has likes and dislikes, and everyone is entitled to change those at any given time. I used to like hot dogs, but now I think they are disgusting and you couldn't pay me $1000 to eat one. I don't see how this is too much different....
Wow....you are a former smoker, and your letting the fact he chews dismiss everything about him. How would you fee if guys thought that about you when you smoked, and they avoided dating you because of it. I am disappointed in you
I think it's very important that I be attracted to someone that I am dating. It's kind of part of the deal. Unfortunately, using chew *does* make him UNattractive to me, just as a girl smoking is attractive to you. Everyone has likes and dislikes, and everyone is entitled to change those at any given time. I used to like hot dogs, but now I think they are disgusting and you couldn't pay me $1000 to eat one. I don't see how this is too much different....
did you just time it to stop at under 10 minutes without looking?
I don't think the chewing tobacco thing is shallow, I imagine that someone who chews tobacco will also have excess saliva in his mouth constantly, that can't be good.. smoking maybe (tho I don't like smokers either, but it seems a lot less "intrusive" than chewing)
Haha, about the 10 minutes, I wasn't even paying attention! Plus the camera that I shoot on only shows time on the back. Believe it or not this was shot on a digital camera! :)
I called him and told him that I couldn't date him. I feel bad because I don't want him to feel like he did something wrong, its just that we aren't a match. It sucked. But I had to do it, couldn't get attached to this one.
Seperate comment in response to your video because I wanted the congrats on 14 months to be seperate and primary.
I in no way would mistake your avoidance of Tobacco users as superficial. It's something that's affected you in the past even if not the same form of use. I am proud of you that you've drawn a line there - and I'm convinced that you are right about continuing to improve your standards for men and finding those great men. If this guy is a no because of chaw - its his loss. period.
Oh yeah and thanks for your support on this. I am not settling on this guy, but rather continuing my search for someone who is an even better match than him!
14 MONTHS WOOOOHOOO HIGH FIVE... you know were proud as heck of you beccah :) interestingly enough I guess that would mean we've been friends near two years now then... wow time flies
I think it's awesome that we've been friends for so long!
The relationship between you and me is one that I feel like I have screwed up. I'm lucky that I have such an amazing friend in you, one that is so accepting and loving and forgiving and... well, I could go on and on. :)
No, you're not shallow. Tobacco is life threatening. Chewing tobacco is absolutely gross and disgusting. He could get mouth cancer and so could you. His tobacco juice could get into your mouth, not to mention the bits of tobacco caught inside his mouth. His mouth is a garbage pail. Don't kiss a garbage pail. Your dating experience is helping you fine tune you dating skills, teaching you about yourself and teaching you how to recognize the man who is right for you. Keep up the good work.
You already have some good answers here so.. I dont know, maybe he will quit after seeing this, or just talk to him about it and see what happens, but get it out there otherwise it will never be solved, you dont want this to bug you later or affect future relationships.
I called him up and told him I wasn't going to date him. It was just too big an issue in my mind, serious.
I've learned that I'm just as repulsed by chewing tobacco now as I was in high school. And it's just one of those things that's a requirement now in my dating world. So at least I learned something, I guess.
i wouldn't want a smoker or tobacco user myself, so no i don't think you're shallow. i guess you'll see with time if he is right for you or not, maybe that tobacco thing is like a sign that he isn't for you?!
and hey we graduated from high school at the same time, 10 years ago for me aswell, and the class is having a reunion but i can't go as i have since immigrated to Sweden (school was in Switzerland) and i don't have the money right now to go home.
Forgot to answer the tick question. While they're good at falling onto skin or clothing from perches on leaves, they actually crawl so slow you never feel them. Easy to catch if you see one crawling, but they're tough to kill. If you have some scotch tape handy, stick it to them, then fold it over to trap them permanently; you can then examine them under a magnifying glass if you want. (The tape trick works on fleas too, but they're a lot harder to catch in the first place...fleas do move fast!)
This thing moved so fast, I'm positive it was just a funky smaller spider. I killed it by spraying it with a deet based insect repellant (lol) so I could examine it more closely. But it moved so fast!!!!!
i never really ascertained the meaning of the word shallow, i speak french and my english has holes, i think it would be difficult for anyone to overcome the chewing tobacco uh repulsion, and not being able to kiss your lover is a big problem :) what was that Eddie Brickell song uh "Choke me in the shallow water before i get to deep", actually that's another sentence i never understood ! :)
I guess shallow is at the other end of the spectrum from deep. For example, if you were to walk straight into the ocean, you would go from shallow water to deep water. :)
maybe you should try to investigate the issue, without directly mentioning your concerns(this might trigger the other person trying to "change" for you, which is very bad!!, as they will change back .. sooner or later). health believes, length of habit, experienced benefits!! of habit, emotional!! reaction/feelings to habit, etc .. will give you a hint of what to expect.
dont settle for something, which "might" be ok. if you are unsure .. safe yourself the time and emotional stress. let him go.
I called him last night and let him know that I simply couldn't date him, and that I was passing him by. It might have worked out between us, but I wasn't willing to compromise myself, and I wasn't in a position to ask him to compromise himself, either.
behavior is a link to personality and to compatibility.
beeing shallow would be to like someone because he owns a nice car, but if the person is smart and has a well paid job, the car comes "in the package", so you can match with him and still get the car without beeing shallow.
chewing tabacco, just like any other behavior, hints at the personality, its not something which can just be owned. thus it alarms you of maybe yet undiscovered sides to that person.
of course this doesnt necesserily mean you will find aspects of personality you have a problem with. but in my experience, in most cases .. you do. simply because if you dislike certain behavior, you have your reasons .. and the other person would not behave that way, if it would agree on those reasons with you.
and theres one thing never to forget. behavior may change(temporarily) but the underlying parts of personality(also believes, opinions, etc) are very resiliant.
also, its not shallow to react to something which has an impact on you. watching, smelling and tasting the tabacco is such a direct impact.
you cant force yourself to a relationship, in which you will feel sick. sooner or later, you will start to avoid that person automaticly .. to avoid the unpleasant experiences.
imagine getting together with "the man of your dreams", but with the catch of him beating you on a regular basis. sooner or later, you will have had enough.
i'm just the same as you - could never go out with a tobacco user - just can't. don't think it's shallow at all. it's the same as not wanting to date someone who has extremely contradictory beliefs to yours, etc. - it just doesn't mesh with you. *hug* good luck on your man search, and it's good to see you on here!
I don't think it makes you shallow. When I started dating again I decided I wouldn't date someone who used tobacco. My first husband smoked and it made his mouth SO freaking gross. Carl smoked when I first met him and ugh, same thing. He quit though. I guess it kind of depends on how badly that person wants to kiss you. You should send me your email!
I just can't ask him to quit, nor can I count on him quitting sometime in the future. It's gross to me *right now*, it makes him unattractive to me. Period.
Not wanting to date someone because of a drug or alcohol addiction is not superficial, in my opinion, especially when it is something that makes their breath awful.
If there are big no-no's early on in a relationship I think it's much better to deal with them quickly and move on. I'd talk to the guy and tell him how you feel about the chewing tobacco ... that may end things between you OR it may give him an opportunity to try to kick a nasty habit. The alternative isn't so pleasant: "Pass me a chaw of that Redman" and the sound of chewed tobacco splattering in a coffee can spittoon during Sunday afternoon drives will get REALLY old, REALLY fast.
Agreed. I don't want someone to get attached to me and I don't want to start liking someone if there is something big right away. But serious though, everything was AWESOME until I found out he used that crap. I sat through him dipping once and realized I can't sit quietly through that at all. I just can't do it. It's so sad, too. :( I liked this one.
Are you shallow? Everything BUT shallow. You are a pretty, young girl - who has a lot to offer a guy. You should be picky. Remember that little things become big things later on and also that you cannot change the way another person is. Many have tried. It's really never worked.
Thanks so much for your kind words, Xavier. It's hard to be in the dating scene, isn't it? You meet a LOT of mismatches. Hopefully the right one will come along soon!
And yeah, that's the big issue.... I don't have the right to ask him to change this about him, nor do I want to change anyone. So I'm just kinda screwed. I'm just going to have to let him know that I'm just not the right girl for him, and he's not the right guy for me. Sad, cause this one was awesome, except!!
Yea, empress, chewing is so gross! I am guilty of having a couple of cigarettes after dinner most nights and I'm sure to a non smoker I smell kinda funky for a bit. However, I tend not to wad up an ugly ball of the stuff in my cheek, mash it around in my mouth and spit out the residue whenever I see fit. Luckily, in Australia the chewing habit is very rare, but when I see it, it makes me gag! I'm totally with you on that : 0
EW! CHewing GROSS! You're not alone in that thought! Smokeing and chewing are WAY two differant to me. I hate it when the guys at my work chew. It makes me a little ill....
Hey, if you can't bring yourself to kiss a person just because they chew, cow like, on a substance that could be replaced by possum shit without anyone noticing the difference, then you need to take a hard look at yourself. You clearly have issues with the idea of putting your tongue in the mouth of a person whose teeth look like they have been used as a primary stage sewerage filter. What the hell is wrong with you!!??
I smoked when I started dating my wife. I was inspired to quit, and it wasn't easy, but I knew she would not date me if I continued to smoke. You're not shallow, it's your preference. I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water just yet. Talk to him about how you feel, who knows, maybe he will quit. Now that I am a non-smoker for 13 years, I can't believe I ever did that, I'm thankful I quit.
Yeah, you're right. I hope you meet someone nice soon. I can't wait till tobacco is extinct, it has wreaked so much misery on this earth. One of the hardest things I ever did was try to quit smoking.
Ticks are notoriously slow-movers. Slower than an ant, way slower than a spider.
As for your dilemma... A recovering alcoholic shouldn't be with an alcoholic. If you had never given up tobacco I'd call you out and say you're being silly. But your new negative perspective on tobacco is based on deep thought and dedication. So my answer is, you're not being shallow or superficial. -Shane
AWESOME! Then it was a small spider. I even saved it and compared it with pics on the internet, and there was *one* pic of a brown dog tick that might have resembled what I had.... but at first thought, I was convinced that there was a tick on my nightstand. It moved really fast though, REALLY fast.
Running out of room. Thanks for your insight, Shane. Your perspective on things gets much consideration. *hug*
But then again, had I known he used this stuff in the very beginning, I wouldn't have gotten to know him, so I wouldn't know what I was missing out on?
I work with people recovering from addictions and one of my personal observations is that when people are clean and sober for sometime they can tend to pass harm judgment on others that are still using, even thought they themselves were using at some point. I am not sure what that means...
Haha, yea, actually I'm still pretty cool about smokers and smokers rights, but I *am* extremely bothered by the smell of it. It smells so intense that I have a hard time ignoring it now. So I stay away from places where you can smoke now.
It really changes your life when you quit an addiction. You spent a lot of time rationalizing it, so you really do have to change the way you think, you know?
I'm bummed, Mylo. It's kind of freaky how much we have in common, seriously.
But the chewing tobacco is simply too much for me to ignore. I can ignore someone wearing socks with sandals, for example. I can't ignore containers of spit and a big hunk of nasty hanging out someone's lip.
When it's a changeable habit that's hanging you up, i don't think it's shallow... he might, but it's a valid reason to not get too deeply involved with this person... unless of course he's willing to quit.
Truly appreciate your honesty. I started dating in 1956 and have a seasoned attitude towards that, especially after a wonderful marriage that ended with my wife's death from cancer. Facing the prospect of dating again or living alone for the rest of my life .... burrrr ... chills up my spine at the thought of dating.
On chewing tobacco, I have refused to date smokers, period. A co-worker of mine died a few months ago from cancer of the mouth acquired from chewing tobacco, at my word limit.
I live alone and I love it. But then again, I haven't had the pleasure of giving myself completely to someone in marriage. I think your position is unique, yet has some awesome advantages, don't you think? :)
Yeah, I've always felt this way about chewing tobacco. It's gross to me, is all. And it's simply so unattractive that it makes someone unattractive to me!
Here's my take: it took me 3 years to process unbearable grief; now I'm happier than I have ever been altho lonely from time to time. I'm very aware of what it takes to have a successful marriage and so far I've met no one available who is not clueless about what is required. The real thing is very different from movies, romance novels, and pop culture. It's about wise partner selection like you're trying to do. Good luck! :)
Don't feel bad about your comment. I don't. I never doubted that your intentions were good. My question arose because I am a professional wordsmith and very aware of ambiguity. I simply did not know what you meant. Now I do.
While it is hard to think of death and bereavement as "bright", once through the grieving process there is a new day. The feeling is captured nicely in the Sarah Polley film "The Sweet Hereafter." If you haven't seen it, I recommend it. You available? ;)
Beccah, i dont think your shallow, but it is often easier to think of reasons not to date someone than it is to date them.often a little thing can be the downfall of a potential relationship, give the guy a chance tell him you dont like the tobacco thng & see what he says, if he is into u he might give it up,if not & your interested in a long long distance relationship give me a shout.fair play to you for getting out there & looking to find someone, if this guy doesnt workout plenty more fish..
well like it says in most of the comments above im sure he would rather be kissing a girl than chewing that stuff, so lay your cards on the table and if he has some sense he will not miss out on the opertunity to date thee "lisa simpson". you will have to let us know how it goes, our fingers are crossed for you.
So I called him last night and told him I couldn't date him. He even volunteered to quit for me, but we all know that that doesn't work. You have to quit for yourself.
I think I would lose a lot of respect for him if he quit for me. We only went out once! So I'm trying not to be too bummed about it, I didn't have any time to get attached!
Yeah, I know. I need to say something, preferably as blunt as possible.
It's just that I am pretty sure that will end anything that could be. Sad because I was really looking forward to getting to know this guy. But, there are plenty of fish in the sea, right? :)
I remember when you smoked like a chimney :) I say be blunt about it. Walk up to the guy and just say "If you want to date me, spit that shit out son. It turns my stomach." :) And see what happens. Ha.
Dan, I think that's going to be my best bet. I feel bad but I really don't have a choice - I have to be attracted to the person I am with, I have to want to kiss and be near that person. It's just part of the deal!
I've always been grossed out by chewing tobacco. I tried it once when I was like 9 and it was SO nasty! haha
Oh, and yeah, it's pretty effing awesome that it's been over a year without cigarettes. Who would have guessed??!?!
I thought of emailing him this video. He actually vaguely knows of this channel, so he might have seen it already. It doesn't really matter, I called him yesterday and told him that I simply couldn't date him.
Thanks about the smoking. That nicotine is a btich.
I do not think you are shallow. You should look for the right guy who fills the empty spot in your life and completes you.
That guy with the chewing tobacco gave me weird images. I believe I could not kiss a person with this nasty tobacco juices in its mouth. And this constant brown spitting is just gross.
And you are off cigarettes for only about a year now, you certainly do not want to start smoking again, just because your date is a smoker.
Wow, Becca! Is this the same Becca of smoking vlog fame from so long ago?!?
As to your question, NO, absolutely, positively no shallowness involved with not wanting to date him. (and you wouldn't even have to worry about dating if you met me... :) Great to see some vids again!
As an ex-smoker, the fact you're dealing with the other side of this question is just so full of irony! I wonder how many nice guys passed you up because you smoked at the time?
But no, I wouldn't call it shallow so much as a personal choice.
When I was a smoker, I bet I passed up a HUNDRED great guys simply because they didn't smoke! It's terrible to think about that now! But everything happens for a reason, right?
Seriously though, I have never dated someone who dipped. I have always been repulsed by it.
I guess it's just because we have so much in common, and a mutual attraction, that I am even questioning it to begin with. Also, the fact that I didn't know until after we met - I doubt I would have ever gone on that date had I known he did that shit. Bleh!
It makes me cringe, too. It actually makes me gag a little bit. Which sucks because at first I was all about kissing on a first date... but then I was like, um, please don't let him kiss me, please don't let him kiss me. Which sucks.
I have thought hard about this for 2 days now, and I think it's something I seriously can't deal with. I find it so unattractive that the chemistry that was there before he put the dip in got tainted and blew up. lol (but seriously)
So I think I'm gonna end up passing up a really good person over tobacco. Shit.
No, honestly I hadn't talked to him before making this video. We only went out once so I felt that I didn't have the right to ask him to stop, so I called him yesterday and told him that I can't date him. As much as it sucks, it's better to not get close to someone and THEN bring it up.
I think it's great that you're meeting lots of guys. The chewing tabacco thing is gross in my opinion. It's nasty and involves lots of spitting. eww. If you really like him, ask him if he would think about quitting. Wouldn't a guy rather kiss a girl than chew tabacco?! Congrats on quitting smoking too, I'm a new subscriber to your channel. It's awesome :)
It's actually kind of fun going on a blind date! I know that I sound crazy right now, but meeting new people is awesome. It's only the context that makes a blind date weird. Or is it the expectations (of which I have none, actually)?
Yeah spitting is gross to me. Even more so when it's brown and nasty!!!
I really like the way you put that, about how kissing a girl is better. :)
Thanks for watching, your comment made me all warm and fuzzy inside. *hug*
Ugh, Dip is so nasty, I don't blame you for not wanting to date him, even though he's a nice guy and you like him. You are not shallow for not wanting to date him. I've dated girls who smoked and some who did, and I've decided that from now on I will only date non-smokers. Congrats on quitting smoking. I wish you the best in staying quit. Good luck in finding a nice guy. You are a really cool girl, and I'm sure you will find happiness. I wish I was in Michigan.
Caterpillarjon 3 years ago
Keep hunting babe! Smoker or non smoker , I kinda see you point its a non desirable trait. I don't know how it would effect me. It depends on who it is. Fuck it I am shallow, its like saying I am not attracted to fat people.
it mine next year anniversary
oldskoolloner 3 years ago
which I not,but I mean really fat people. I have been shallow that is, but I know I can see past it.
oldskoolloner 3 years ago
Dip, in general, is pretty gross.
So no, you're certainly not shallow for not liking that about someone.
As for the YouTube thing, I have a solution... date a YouTuber...
;-)
I'm sorry I'm so behind on your videos. I don't know what happened. I'll have to catch up ASAP.
regularguy5mb 3 years ago
No worries, I've actually been making videos lately!! WOO HOO lol
So I'm dating someone who has videos posted on YouTube, not blogs or anything but the idea isn't completely foreign to him either. Cross your fingers, this one is a GREAT catch!!
lisasimpson 3 years ago
wow interesting video. No, you're not shallow for not wanting to be with someone who uses tobacco in general. Think of the health complications later on. Sorry to hear that at the time of making this vid your really frustrated with relationships and lost some due to your YouTube videos. That's why I tell very few of my friends about my YouTube stuff, though I don't have much anways.
btw THANKS SO MUCH for showing me where MUGGLESAM was in the Science Centre. I owe you my life :P hehehe.
kalalit 3 years ago
Aww you are SO welcome!! I know how it feels to miss seeing someone after going all that way!! Hope you had a good time, it was nice to meet you! And isn't Sophia simply adorable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Yes Sophia is sooo incredibly adorable! :) Well I live in Toronto so it wasn't much trouble but yes I had a good time. Well I didn't stay long. After I talked to MuggleSam I left :P I didn't know anyone there and just left. You were like the 3rd random person I asked btw. I was like gonna give up if you didn't know where MuggleSam was or don't even know who MuggleSam was. :P I guess 3rd one's a charm. Sophia too, also looked so much smaller then what I had thought. ahaha :)
kalalit 3 years ago
What I don't understand is that the money making was an immediate turn off? There are many ruthless/self absorbed people who make a lot of money, but there are also people who happen to have a job that pays well and they dont let the money go to their head. They don't change their lifestyle much. Sometimes you can't immediately tell how the money has affected them. So I was wondering if you could explain that one a bit more.
rockmann 3 years ago
Haha, yes, it would be LOVELY to date a rich guy, to even marry one, because money can make things easier in today's society. But if all one can talk about is the things money has done for them, it's disgusting to a person like me who grew up poor. This guy made it VERY apparent that he loved his money and what it could do for him, and I was just grossed out. There's more to a person than what they OWN!
(hope this helps! I swear I'm not as shallow as some other people on this planet!)
lisasimpson 3 years ago
The tobacco thing is totally understandable, when I went to your earlier vids I was disappointed with the smoking. I was like she has some interesting things to say but the cig is really distracting. I don't think many smokers understand that their habit leaves a REALLY bad first impression for many people. I'm not tryin to hate on all smokers, I'm just being HONEST, people will judge you.
rockmann 3 years ago
you are right, smokers do not understand.... but then again, if you are a smoker, seeing someone who smokes means you already have that in common with them, so to a smoker it can be attractive. Weird how that divides us, huh?
lisasimpson 3 years ago
i'm sorry but this is a bullshit vid.
areocrazy 3 years ago
Then why did you subscribe?
lisasimpson 3 years ago
ppl choose their destiny. you can't blame society for your mistakes. i can't shoot the sun down because it will cause skin cancer. you just have to be well educated about these things and stay away from them. i see that ppl have addictive personalities and that's the problem. not vendors, etc. i've never been addicted to anything because i have control of the mind over matter!!!!!
areocrazy 3 years ago
life as whole is a rubbish anyway, why not jump into the mesh, and let see how would you survive, even with a lung cancer, do you think it worth something instead you driving alone endlessly. get marry and have kids, if you analyze life so much, then actually we should not be alive, for what? if we are just to produce more fertilizer, please visit a dump site, there is where you'll find all the finest of live end up.
wangajah 3 years ago
relationship talking is always interesting :) take care there
SongToFanFlames 3 years ago
wow no wonder u are ugly ass hell u dumb ass bitch, u should become a lesbian, and there is no match for your dumb ass get a life. Boring zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
AldinSaric 3 years ago
I remember being interested in woman and she smoked. What turned me off about her was the fact that she made fun of a certain person who often asked a lot of questions during class. I've met people who didn't like the fact that she was getting made fun of. However, smoking is a turn off for me though. As for the tobacco guy, I don't think you're shallow, my guess is that you don't want to go back to smoking yourself. I hope that made sense there. :)
jweinrub 3 years ago
answer is no. i broke up with a chick cause she started smoking. i also hit it off with a girl once, and we went to make out and i imeditly stopped kissing and backedu p... said "are you a smoker?" and she said yes and i said good bye lol. it matters extreamly. people have standards and things they look for. and thats one for me. and i dont see why it should be an issue.
psaprez 3 years ago
at first I thought you were going to say that he smoked cigs!...lol You aren't shallow!! :) Chew is gross!!...I m still traumatized from a road trip with a guy friend that chewed!! He would spit it into his empty pop bottle....Sooo gross!! It was a dark long drive..and I just grabbed what I thought was my pop...well, you can figure out the rest!...Still makes me sick to think about it!
If you care about him, you will figure out a way to bring that lump in his mouth up! ;) Love ya girl!
Bree5 3 years ago
Shallow? Nope. I can relate in a way. Before I got burned-out and decided to never again romantically commit, I could not stand being with drug users. I quit everything except caffine and alcohol... so now people who use coke, speed, barbituates, LSD, ect really irk me. Social Mary-J users don't bother me but serious potheads do.
Besides... you are lovely, sensitive and intelligent... you should not be an easy catch. ;)
That80sGuy1972 3 years ago
Congrats that its' been over a year :D. My boyfriend smokes and I have lung disease. We make compromises. He smokes outside (I'd leave if he refused, of course). Maybe you can talk to him and tell him you find it to be unattractive and you'd like him to stop, but maybe you don't know each other well enough for that. You never know what someone will do! :) But, it's probably good not to date him because what if he started smoking instead of chewing then he could be a stumbling block for you.
faithm 3 years ago
What happened with sociology at university? Did you take your degree?
PrincessClementine 3 years ago
great video. been there... dont wanna go back...
msscience 3 years ago
congradulations on the mile stone Becka and ohh my gosh I graduated in 98 to I'm all like terrified and antsy about my reunion. But as for the shallowness thing. So not the shallow Becka I one of the people in my reenacting unit chews tabacco, and it goes above and beyond grose for their wife to kiss them. It makes his breath smell really weird just to be around him, and if you don't spit properly when you chew, the person kissing you can get fibreglass slivers. (yes they use Fibreglass in chew.
john4knecht 3 years ago
me too, 10 years... I like how you believe in niceness as an important virtue... and I like your uniqueness and honesty. not shallow, these details are pretty personal and significant. What are you willing to do? Only you can know, either way. Good luck with the friendships, hope it all works out... and congrats on 14 months. : )
czmma 3 years ago
Congrats on still not smoking!!!!!! Youre not shallow for not wanting to be with someone who uses tobacco, you chose to quit, and dont have to put up with someone else using it:) I hope to see you this weekend. I have similar issues on the dating scene....we have to get together and share some stories:) Peace Love ya!!!
riverjustin 3 years ago
Nope, don't think you are shallow.
maingeek 3 years ago
I can definitely understand considering that you're an ex-smoker yourself. It makes everything complicated in a manner it shouldn't have to be. In the end, you'll find someone awesome with whom you have an awesome rappor and who doesn't smoke and who lives right next door to you. MAYBE HE'S NEXT DOOR RIGHT NOW!!
Magnulus 3 years ago
no your not
gamer2502 3 years ago
Maybe he'll drop the habit and contact you again? If he does, it means he's really interested. Same thing sort of happenned to me. A girl told me she'd date me if I lost weight. (I was very heavy, a long time ago)
I did lose the weight, and we dated for 2 years. But that was a great motivation for getting healthier.
bob99 3 years ago
Maybe you should ask him how he feels about dipping or chewing. Maybe he's been looking for a reason to quit. Maybe you could help him through it and y'all turn out to be a perfect match. But don't settle, or you'll end up another divorce statistic. You're not shallow, it's not like you got on here and said, "I can't date this guy, he only has a three inch penis.". lol
enseign 3 years ago
I really don't like smokers and I don't think I would be able to look at someone using tobacco as gum. Where is he? 1949?! No, you're not shallow, you're smarter than him :)
PS: Call me if you're single... lol
daners100 3 years ago
if he is important to you, you two should talk about it.
tavin15 3 years ago
I dont know that your shallow I dont think you are, but hey if its (tabacco) a turn off its a turn off ya know? :) Good job on smoking or the 14 mo. lack there of! You were an initial inspiration when I quit in novemberish. I like your new shades, they fit your face good..he he that sounded like a creepy internet "comment" but I mean it in a very ordinary manner. It was a fun video to watch I would give it 5 stars. Well I did,lol. I hope that you find a rad boyfriend that you totally dig!
+dh+
Davidhok 3 years ago
Aww, thanks so much, Andy! I heard you had a birthday or something? Is that true???
lisasimpson 3 years ago
yes I am the ripe old age of 31 now,:) but Im aging like "fine wine" to quote your video lol j/k. Ya my b-day is on June 6 along with Jipsi-k except I didnt go on stickam this year!:)
Peace
+dh+
Davidhok 3 years ago
if you really were meant to be with this guy, then the little things like using dip shouldnt set you off. if a thing like that annoys you now, if you date him its just gonna keep annoying you.
rockonskater 3 years ago
Agreed.
So I called him last night to let him know I couldn't date him. I felt it was cooler than just not talking to him anymore.... and hey, maybe when a little time has passed, I'll have made a really great friend!
But yeah, I had to walk away from it. Sucks, huh?
lisasimpson 3 years ago
I'm really surprised at you. I've watched your videos for a long time, and I cant imagine you as someone who would reject someone just for that, especially since you were a smoker, I would think you would understand. I am a former smoker myself too, but I would never allow the fact that someone smokes put blinders up to the other things we share
onefineeagle 3 years ago
I'm sorry you are disappointed in me.
I think it's very important that I be attracted to someone that I am dating. It's kind of part of the deal. Unfortunately, using chew *does* make him UNattractive to me, just as a girl smoking is attractive to you. Everyone has likes and dislikes, and everyone is entitled to change those at any given time. I used to like hot dogs, but now I think they are disgusting and you couldn't pay me $1000 to eat one. I don't see how this is too much different....
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Wow....you are a former smoker, and your letting the fact he chews dismiss everything about him. How would you fee if guys thought that about you when you smoked, and they avoided dating you because of it. I am disappointed in you
funtimebeagle 3 years ago
I'm sorry you are disappointed in me.
I think it's very important that I be attracted to someone that I am dating. It's kind of part of the deal. Unfortunately, using chew *does* make him UNattractive to me, just as a girl smoking is attractive to you. Everyone has likes and dislikes, and everyone is entitled to change those at any given time. I used to like hot dogs, but now I think they are disgusting and you couldn't pay me $1000 to eat one. I don't see how this is too much different....
lisasimpson 3 years ago
did you just time it to stop at under 10 minutes without looking?
I don't think the chewing tobacco thing is shallow, I imagine that someone who chews tobacco will also have excess saliva in his mouth constantly, that can't be good.. smoking maybe (tho I don't like smokers either, but it seems a lot less "intrusive" than chewing)
pete275 3 years ago
Haha, about the 10 minutes, I wasn't even paying attention! Plus the camera that I shoot on only shows time on the back. Believe it or not this was shot on a digital camera! :)
I called him and told him that I couldn't date him. I feel bad because I don't want him to feel like he did something wrong, its just that we aren't a match. It sucked. But I had to do it, couldn't get attached to this one.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Seperate comment in response to your video because I wanted the congrats on 14 months to be seperate and primary.
I in no way would mistake your avoidance of Tobacco users as superficial. It's something that's affected you in the past even if not the same form of use. I am proud of you that you've drawn a line there - and I'm convinced that you are right about continuing to improve your standards for men and finding those great men. If this guy is a no because of chaw - its his loss. period.
mgphenom 3 years ago
Oh yeah and thanks for your support on this. I am not settling on this guy, but rather continuing my search for someone who is an even better match than him!
lisasimpson 3 years ago
14 MONTHS WOOOOHOOO HIGH FIVE... you know were proud as heck of you beccah :) interestingly enough I guess that would mean we've been friends near two years now then... wow time flies
mgphenom 3 years ago
I think it's awesome that we've been friends for so long!
The relationship between you and me is one that I feel like I have screwed up. I'm lucky that I have such an amazing friend in you, one that is so accepting and loving and forgiving and... well, I could go on and on. :)
*hug*
lisasimpson 3 years ago
you for got a 'nt in there right? I'd say you haven't screwed our friendship up... we coo we coo. :)
mgphenom 3 years ago
No, you're not shallow. Tobacco is life threatening. Chewing tobacco is absolutely gross and disgusting. He could get mouth cancer and so could you. His tobacco juice could get into your mouth, not to mention the bits of tobacco caught inside his mouth. His mouth is a garbage pail. Don't kiss a garbage pail. Your dating experience is helping you fine tune you dating skills, teaching you about yourself and teaching you how to recognize the man who is right for you. Keep up the good work.
melvina628 3 years ago
Thanks for your support! So I called him up last night and said I couldn't date him. I thought it was better than just not talking to him at all, lol
But yea, I'm so turned off by it that I don't even know if I could be attracted to him after seeing that!
lisasimpson 3 years ago
ugh *shudder* .. this was convincing :)
tejayce 3 years ago
Am I shallow or superficial for not wanting to date a tobacco user??
No
tavin15 3 years ago
Thanks for your support on this. I have been beating myself up over this!
lisasimpson 3 years ago
You already have some good answers here so.. I dont know, maybe he will quit after seeing this, or just talk to him about it and see what happens, but get it out there otherwise it will never be solved, you dont want this to bug you later or affect future relationships.
PEace
FREE ZIMBABWE
zimbabwe7 3 years ago
I called him up and told him I wasn't going to date him. It was just too big an issue in my mind, serious.
I've learned that I'm just as repulsed by chewing tobacco now as I was in high school. And it's just one of those things that's a requirement now in my dating world. So at least I learned something, I guess.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
MIKMA WAS HERE
mikma 3 years ago
I support this comment with a comment
tavin15 3 years ago
I love that you were here, Mikma. I'm going to be around a bit more :)
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Hey Mikma
+dh+
Davidhok 3 years ago
You're totally not shallow. Tobacco is nasty. And it's not healthy.
Angieanything 3 years ago
I still sort of feel like a hypocrite, having used tobacco for 13 years....
lisasimpson 3 years ago
i wouldn't want a smoker or tobacco user myself, so no i don't think you're shallow. i guess you'll see with time if he is right for you or not, maybe that tobacco thing is like a sign that he isn't for you?!
and hey we graduated from high school at the same time, 10 years ago for me aswell, and the class is having a reunion but i can't go as i have since immigrated to Sweden (school was in Switzerland) and i don't have the money right now to go home.
babblebabble ;)
~annina
ilrin 3 years ago
I'm not going to my reunion, it may have already happened actually, lol!
And yea, I called him up and said I couldn't go out with him. I can't be attracted to someone who does that. Blech!
lisasimpson 3 years ago
I skipped out on mine too, maybe Ill go to the 20 year reunion but eh whateve!
+dh+
Davidhok 3 years ago
yeah such reunions just feel like meetings where everyone has to proove how cool their life is now, feels weird, i don't need that ;)
maybe the 20 year one is what i said too, haha
ilrin 3 years ago
lol
+dh+
therealdavidhok 3 years ago
good going, and good luck to find "the one"!
ilrin 3 years ago
You're not shallow. I've been in a long term relationship with a woman who smoked and it causes a lot of problems that only get worse with time.
theDave1956 3 years ago
I couldn't expect someone to quit for me after having gone out with me once. Serious.
So I called him last night to let him know that I couldn't be interested in dating him. :(
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Forgot to answer the tick question. While they're good at falling onto skin or clothing from perches on leaves, they actually crawl so slow you never feel them. Easy to catch if you see one crawling, but they're tough to kill. If you have some scotch tape handy, stick it to them, then fold it over to trap them permanently; you can then examine them under a magnifying glass if you want. (The tape trick works on fleas too, but they're a lot harder to catch in the first place...fleas do move fast!)
NusaCat 3 years ago
This thing moved so fast, I'm positive it was just a funky smaller spider. I killed it by spraying it with a deet based insect repellant (lol) so I could examine it more closely. But it moved so fast!!!!!
Thanks for all the tips, Eric! :)
lisasimpson 3 years ago
i never really ascertained the meaning of the word shallow, i speak french and my english has holes, i think it would be difficult for anyone to overcome the chewing tobacco uh repulsion, and not being able to kiss your lover is a big problem :) what was that Eddie Brickell song uh "Choke me in the shallow water before i get to deep", actually that's another sentence i never understood ! :)
mcasual 3 years ago
I guess shallow is at the other end of the spectrum from deep. For example, if you were to walk straight into the ocean, you would go from shallow water to deep water. :)
lisasimpson 3 years ago
maybe you should try to investigate the issue, without directly mentioning your concerns(this might trigger the other person trying to "change" for you, which is very bad!!, as they will change back .. sooner or later). health believes, length of habit, experienced benefits!! of habit, emotional!! reaction/feelings to habit, etc .. will give you a hint of what to expect.
dont settle for something, which "might" be ok. if you are unsure .. safe yourself the time and emotional stress. let him go.
tejayce 3 years ago
I did not settle at all! :)
I called him last night and let him know that I simply couldn't date him, and that I was passing him by. It might have worked out between us, but I wasn't willing to compromise myself, and I wasn't in a position to ask him to compromise himself, either.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
behavior is a link to personality and to compatibility.
beeing shallow would be to like someone because he owns a nice car, but if the person is smart and has a well paid job, the car comes "in the package", so you can match with him and still get the car without beeing shallow.
chewing tabacco, just like any other behavior, hints at the personality, its not something which can just be owned. thus it alarms you of maybe yet undiscovered sides to that person.
tejayce 3 years ago
of course this doesnt necesserily mean you will find aspects of personality you have a problem with. but in my experience, in most cases .. you do. simply because if you dislike certain behavior, you have your reasons .. and the other person would not behave that way, if it would agree on those reasons with you.
and theres one thing never to forget. behavior may change(temporarily) but the underlying parts of personality(also believes, opinions, etc) are very resiliant.
tejayce 3 years ago
also, its not shallow to react to something which has an impact on you. watching, smelling and tasting the tabacco is such a direct impact.
you cant force yourself to a relationship, in which you will feel sick. sooner or later, you will start to avoid that person automaticly .. to avoid the unpleasant experiences.
imagine getting together with "the man of your dreams", but with the catch of him beating you on a regular basis. sooner or later, you will have had enough.
tejayce 3 years ago
Not shallow at all. Grats on the 14mo mark, thats quite impressive. All the best with the friendships and the continued dating adventures. (=
nbwulf 3 years ago
Thanks so much for the positive energy! :)
lisasimpson 3 years ago
yay 14 months! awesome Beccah.
jabazzy 3 years ago
It's been a long time, it's so cool to say that, though! I can't wait until I start counting in years, and not months!
lisasimpson 3 years ago
i'm just the same as you - could never go out with a tobacco user - just can't. don't think it's shallow at all. it's the same as not wanting to date someone who has extremely contradictory beliefs to yours, etc. - it just doesn't mesh with you. *hug* good luck on your man search, and it's good to see you on here!
tenebrousllama 3 years ago
Thanks, Claire. It's a hard search, I thought I would be proactive about it a little, but I am finding I still just meet a bunch of mismatches.
Oh well, can't hate yourself for trying, right? lol
Thanks for coming by, babe. :)
lisasimpson 3 years ago
I don't think it makes you shallow. When I started dating again I decided I wouldn't date someone who used tobacco. My first husband smoked and it made his mouth SO freaking gross. Carl smoked when I first met him and ugh, same thing. He quit though. I guess it kind of depends on how badly that person wants to kiss you. You should send me your email!
knightchik 3 years ago
I just can't ask him to quit, nor can I count on him quitting sometime in the future. It's gross to me *right now*, it makes him unattractive to me. Period.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Oh and my email is on my profile here....
youtubelisasimpson at g mail woot woot!
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Not wanting to date someone because of a drug or alcohol addiction is not superficial, in my opinion, especially when it is something that makes their breath awful.
Festerius2008 3 years ago
Hey you.
knightchik 3 years ago
*phew*
I guess I'm only so torn on it because I have SO much in common with this guy.
I am constantly learning about myself, and I have learned that yes, chewing tobacco is a dealbreaker in my world. Just can't do it. I simply can't.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
If there are big no-no's early on in a relationship I think it's much better to deal with them quickly and move on. I'd talk to the guy and tell him how you feel about the chewing tobacco ... that may end things between you OR it may give him an opportunity to try to kick a nasty habit. The alternative isn't so pleasant: "Pass me a chaw of that Redman" and the sound of chewed tobacco splattering in a coffee can spittoon during Sunday afternoon drives will get REALLY old, REALLY fast.
TokyoPlumber 3 years ago
Agreed. I don't want someone to get attached to me and I don't want to start liking someone if there is something big right away. But serious though, everything was AWESOME until I found out he used that crap. I sat through him dipping once and realized I can't sit quietly through that at all. I just can't do it. It's so sad, too. :( I liked this one.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Are you shallow? Everything BUT shallow. You are a pretty, young girl - who has a lot to offer a guy. You should be picky. Remember that little things become big things later on and also that you cannot change the way another person is. Many have tried. It's really never worked.
Xaves511 3 years ago
Thanks so much for your kind words, Xavier. It's hard to be in the dating scene, isn't it? You meet a LOT of mismatches. Hopefully the right one will come along soon!
And yeah, that's the big issue.... I don't have the right to ask him to change this about him, nor do I want to change anyone. So I'm just kinda screwed. I'm just going to have to let him know that I'm just not the right girl for him, and he's not the right guy for me. Sad, cause this one was awesome, except!!
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Yea, empress, chewing is so gross! I am guilty of having a couple of cigarettes after dinner most nights and I'm sure to a non smoker I smell kinda funky for a bit. However, I tend not to wad up an ugly ball of the stuff in my cheek, mash it around in my mouth and spit out the residue whenever I see fit. Luckily, in Australia the chewing habit is very rare, but when I see it, it makes me gag! I'm totally with you on that : 0
debauched2002 3 years ago
I knew I wanted to go to Australia for a reason! lol
lisasimpson 3 years ago
EW! CHewing GROSS! You're not alone in that thought! Smokeing and chewing are WAY two differant to me. I hate it when the guys at my work chew. It makes me a little ill....
EmpressMorgado 3 years ago
It does make me want to throw up a little bit myself.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Hey, if you can't bring yourself to kiss a person just because they chew, cow like, on a substance that could be replaced by possum shit without anyone noticing the difference, then you need to take a hard look at yourself. You clearly have issues with the idea of putting your tongue in the mouth of a person whose teeth look like they have been used as a primary stage sewerage filter. What the hell is wrong with you!!??
; P
debauched2002 3 years ago
I'm such a terrible person, when you put it that way! haha
Thanks for your moral support on this one. I feel bad to pass someone so good over just one thing.... but I have to. I just can't do it.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
I smoked when I started dating my wife. I was inspired to quit, and it wasn't easy, but I knew she would not date me if I continued to smoke. You're not shallow, it's your preference. I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water just yet. Talk to him about how you feel, who knows, maybe he will quit. Now that I am a non-smoker for 13 years, I can't believe I ever did that, I'm thankful I quit.
gstockton 3 years ago
Yeah, it's worth a shot, but I feel it's a total shot in the dark at a moving target that's the size of the bullet.
Your wife got lucky!! :)
But then again, you did it because there was something YOU wanted!
I just know that when I was a smoker, I wouldn't have quit for anyone. Regardless. So I am pretty sure I am passing this one by. :(
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Yeah, you're right. I hope you meet someone nice soon. I can't wait till tobacco is extinct, it has wreaked so much misery on this earth. One of the hardest things I ever did was try to quit smoking.
gstockton 3 years ago
I wonder, I can't think of anything else that was as hard as quitting smoking.... can you?
lisasimpson 3 years ago
It really makes me wish I lived closer to you. I think we'd be really good friends.
blkbishop112 3 years ago
Aww, thanks Robert!
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Ticks are notoriously slow-movers. Slower than an ant, way slower than a spider.
As for your dilemma... A recovering alcoholic shouldn't be with an alcoholic. If you had never given up tobacco I'd call you out and say you're being silly. But your new negative perspective on tobacco is based on deep thought and dedication. So my answer is, you're not being shallow or superficial. -Shane
OctoberRoad 3 years ago
AWESOME! Then it was a small spider. I even saved it and compared it with pics on the internet, and there was *one* pic of a brown dog tick that might have resembled what I had.... but at first thought, I was convinced that there was a tick on my nightstand. It moved really fast though, REALLY fast.
Running out of room. Thanks for your insight, Shane. Your perspective on things gets much consideration. *hug*
lisasimpson 3 years ago
preference doesn't make you shallow.
papervampire 3 years ago
Thank you.
Seriously, I was struggling with this so much.
I just can't do it though, I just can't.
I am constantly learning about myself, and this week, I learned that chewing tobacco is a dealbreaker in my dating world. For whatever that's worth.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
ur not shallow!!...i would never date a smoker...chewing tobacco is ever worse
JennyMarie080109 3 years ago
Yeah I actually think I could date a smoker over someone who uses chew. As long as they smoked outside, lol! But even still.....
It's just something that some people find more important than others, I guess.
(Thanks for watching!!)
lisasimpson 3 years ago
:o)
JennyMarie080109 3 years ago
Do what makes you happy BEccah! :)
Cashis4life 3 years ago
I think it's a lose-lose situation.
But then again, had I known he used this stuff in the very beginning, I wouldn't have gotten to know him, so I wouldn't know what I was missing out on?
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Yeah I know what you mean. Hard choice for sure...
x
Cashis4life 3 years ago
I work with people recovering from addictions and one of my personal observations is that when people are clean and sober for sometime they can tend to pass harm judgment on others that are still using, even thought they themselves were using at some point. I am not sure what that means...
ABQdoubleG 3 years ago
Haha, yea, actually I'm still pretty cool about smokers and smokers rights, but I *am* extremely bothered by the smell of it. It smells so intense that I have a hard time ignoring it now. So I stay away from places where you can smoke now.
It really changes your life when you quit an addiction. You spent a lot of time rationalizing it, so you really do have to change the way you think, you know?
lisasimpson 3 years ago
it's your preference...nothing wrong with that.
myloflex 3 years ago
I'm bummed, Mylo. It's kind of freaky how much we have in common, seriously.
But the chewing tobacco is simply too much for me to ignore. I can ignore someone wearing socks with sandals, for example. I can't ignore containers of spit and a big hunk of nasty hanging out someone's lip.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
When it's a changeable habit that's hanging you up, i don't think it's shallow... he might, but it's a valid reason to not get too deeply involved with this person... unless of course he's willing to quit.
oneofthefew82 3 years ago
Ahh, I see the differentiation! Yea, I'm actually a good person! lol
But yea, I also have to draw the line. I guess I have to just tell him it's not going to work, and why. :(
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Truly appreciate your honesty. I started dating in 1956 and have a seasoned attitude towards that, especially after a wonderful marriage that ended with my wife's death from cancer. Facing the prospect of dating again or living alone for the rest of my life .... burrrr ... chills up my spine at the thought of dating.
On chewing tobacco, I have refused to date smokers, period. A co-worker of mine died a few months ago from cancer of the mouth acquired from chewing tobacco, at my word limit.
anon2U224 3 years ago
I live alone and I love it. But then again, I haven't had the pleasure of giving myself completely to someone in marriage. I think your position is unique, yet has some awesome advantages, don't you think? :)
Yeah, I've always felt this way about chewing tobacco. It's gross to me, is all. And it's simply so unattractive that it makes someone unattractive to me!
lisasimpson 3 years ago
I'm not sure what you mean by awesome advantages.
Here's my take: it took me 3 years to process unbearable grief; now I'm happier than I have ever been altho lonely from time to time. I'm very aware of what it takes to have a successful marriage and so far I've met no one available who is not clueless about what is required. The real thing is very different from movies, romance novels, and pop culture. It's about wise partner selection like you're trying to do. Good luck! :)
anon2U224 3 years ago
I'm sorry, I promise I was just trying to look on the bright side. There's usually one somewhere if you look hard enough!
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Don't feel bad about your comment. I don't. I never doubted that your intentions were good. My question arose because I am a professional wordsmith and very aware of ambiguity. I simply did not know what you meant. Now I do.
While it is hard to think of death and bereavement as "bright", once through the grieving process there is a new day. The feeling is captured nicely in the Sarah Polley film "The Sweet Hereafter." If you haven't seen it, I recommend it. You available? ;)
anon2U224 3 years ago
Beccah, i dont think your shallow, but it is often easier to think of reasons not to date someone than it is to date them.often a little thing can be the downfall of a potential relationship, give the guy a chance tell him you dont like the tobacco thng & see what he says, if he is into u he might give it up,if not & your interested in a long long distance relationship give me a shout.fair play to you for getting out there & looking to find someone, if this guy doesnt workout plenty more fish..
kingjimsixsix5 3 years ago
Haha you live too far away!! :)
And yea, you are right, I just got done typing that there are plenty of fish. Maybe your comment was subliminally influencing me in my responses, lol!
I will say something when I call him next.
I have been so full of disappointment the past two days that it will be good to get it out there and get it done.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
well like it says in most of the comments above im sure he would rather be kissing a girl than chewing that stuff, so lay your cards on the table and if he has some sense he will not miss out on the opertunity to date thee "lisa simpson". you will have to let us know how it goes, our fingers are crossed for you.
kingjimsixsix5 3 years ago
So I called him last night and told him I couldn't date him. He even volunteered to quit for me, but we all know that that doesn't work. You have to quit for yourself.
I think I would lose a lot of respect for him if he quit for me. We only went out once! So I'm trying not to be too bummed about it, I didn't have any time to get attached!
lisasimpson 3 years ago
What DrLemur said :)
bwhahrhr 3 years ago
Yeah, I know. I need to say something, preferably as blunt as possible.
It's just that I am pretty sure that will end anything that could be. Sad because I was really looking forward to getting to know this guy. But, there are plenty of fish in the sea, right? :)
lisasimpson 3 years ago
great video lisa!
- Alex
WestsideProductionz 3 years ago
I remember when you smoked like a chimney :) I say be blunt about it. Walk up to the guy and just say "If you want to date me, spit that shit out son. It turns my stomach." :) And see what happens. Ha.
DrLemur 3 years ago
boosh!....
timecentre 3 years ago
I have no idea what "boosh" means in this context :)
DrLemur 3 years ago
it's sort of an 'in your face' thing...
referencing your suggestion of walking
right up to the guy....i think...hoot
timecentre 3 years ago
Riiight. I read ya. I gotta brush up on my jive. :)
DrLemur 3 years ago
Dan, I think that's going to be my best bet. I feel bad but I really don't have a choice - I have to be attracted to the person I am with, I have to want to kiss and be near that person. It's just part of the deal!
I've always been grossed out by chewing tobacco. I tried it once when I was like 9 and it was SO nasty! haha
Oh, and yeah, it's pretty effing awesome that it's been over a year without cigarettes. Who would have guessed??!?!
lisasimpson 3 years ago
I've never tried it but don't think I care to either :) Looks like it would be horrible. Hey I've got a less confrontational idea..
e-mail the dude this video :)
Can't believe it's been a year already. Well done. :) Stay strong.
DrLemur 3 years ago
I thought of emailing him this video. He actually vaguely knows of this channel, so he might have seen it already. It doesn't really matter, I called him yesterday and told him that I simply couldn't date him.
Thanks about the smoking. That nicotine is a btich.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
I do not think you are shallow. You should look for the right guy who fills the empty spot in your life and completes you.
That guy with the chewing tobacco gave me weird images. I believe I could not kiss a person with this nasty tobacco juices in its mouth. And this constant brown spitting is just gross.
And you are off cigarettes for only about a year now, you certainly do not want to start smoking again, just because your date is a smoker.
RottenRroses 3 years ago
I think kissing has a lot to do with it, yea.
Oh, and spitting is gross. I know boys like to do that but it's gross in general, with or without the brown nasty.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Wow, Becca! Is this the same Becca of smoking vlog fame from so long ago?!?
As to your question, NO, absolutely, positively no shallowness involved with not wanting to date him. (and you wouldn't even have to worry about dating if you met me... :) Great to see some vids again!
hooterguru 3 years ago
Haha I've stunned a LOT of folks by sticking to my guns about not smoking. When I decide I want something, I do everything in my power to get it. :)
I'm glad you don't think less of me because I'm anti-chew. *phew*
lisasimpson 3 years ago
As an ex-smoker, the fact you're dealing with the other side of this question is just so full of irony! I wonder how many nice guys passed you up because you smoked at the time?
But no, I wouldn't call it shallow so much as a personal choice.
NusaCat 3 years ago
When I was a smoker, I bet I passed up a HUNDRED great guys simply because they didn't smoke! It's terrible to think about that now! But everything happens for a reason, right?
Seriously though, I have never dated someone who dipped. I have always been repulsed by it.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
I guess it's just because we have so much in common, and a mutual attraction, that I am even questioning it to begin with. Also, the fact that I didn't know until after we met - I doubt I would have ever gone on that date had I known he did that shit. Bleh!
lisasimpson 3 years ago
not shallow....speaking as a smoker i
think it's a valid descision...especially
for someone who has quit....and that chewing
tobacco is the nastiest crap ever....
timecentre 3 years ago
I used to be a smoker. I only dated smokers because I knew I wouldn't give it up for anyone.
I gave up smoking for myself, and that's why I have had success, I think. :)
And now, I'm still looking for someone who has the same box checked under "tobacco usage" on the dating profile.
Thanks for thinking I'm not shallow. :)
lisasimpson 3 years ago
shallow, like a fine wine! i cant be with a girl who smokes, i think i might blog about it (there is a gross experiance involved).
keenly 3 years ago
Haha I forgot I said that!
Hey, make your video! I wanna hear your story.
(I'm subbed so you don't have to make it a response or anything, lol)
lisasimpson 3 years ago
not shallow at all. Tobacco is disgusting, just thinking of kissing someone after he had that crap in his mouth makes me cringe.
PhunkyPrincess 3 years ago
It makes me cringe, too. It actually makes me gag a little bit. Which sucks because at first I was all about kissing on a first date... but then I was like, um, please don't let him kiss me, please don't let him kiss me. Which sucks.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
I don't think it's a question of being shallow or superficial. You just need to figure out if you can work around it or not.
Justinmazing 3 years ago
I have thought hard about this for 2 days now, and I think it's something I seriously can't deal with. I find it so unattractive that the chemistry that was there before he put the dip in got tainted and blew up. lol (but seriously)
So I think I'm gonna end up passing up a really good person over tobacco. Shit.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
Well have you at least talked to him about it?
Justinmazing 3 years ago
No, honestly I hadn't talked to him before making this video. We only went out once so I felt that I didn't have the right to ask him to stop, so I called him yesterday and told him that I can't date him. As much as it sucks, it's better to not get close to someone and THEN bring it up.
lisasimpson 3 years ago
I'm sorry to hear that. I kinda wish the guy had a chance to see what the world of Beccah held.
It's not like a child. It's something he could change. Curse me out if I'm over-stepping my boundaries but are you ready to date?
Justinmazing 3 years ago
I think it's great that you're meeting lots of guys. The chewing tabacco thing is gross in my opinion. It's nasty and involves lots of spitting. eww. If you really like him, ask him if he would think about quitting. Wouldn't a guy rather kiss a girl than chew tabacco?! Congrats on quitting smoking too, I'm a new subscriber to your channel. It's awesome :)
Good Luck with the dating.
kundera30 3 years ago
It's actually kind of fun going on a blind date! I know that I sound crazy right now, but meeting new people is awesome. It's only the context that makes a blind date weird. Or is it the expectations (of which I have none, actually)?
Yeah spitting is gross to me. Even more so when it's brown and nasty!!!
I really like the way you put that, about how kissing a girl is better. :)
Thanks for watching, your comment made me all warm and fuzzy inside. *hug*
lisasimpson 3 years ago
tobacco for me is a dealbreaker. seriously, I'm with you on this one. I'm disgusted by it.
Don't feel bad about it.
luvthecanadian 3 years ago
I'm just finding it's a dealbreaker for me, too.
It sucks because I really like this guy. :(
lisasimpson 3 years ago