I know exactly how you feel! I made a vlog about Self-Censorship and yours came up as a related video so I decided to give it a watch. The part where you said you didn't want your relatives thinking you had gone around the bend is quite funny but so true! Probably going to post my video as a response to this one! Give it a watch if you like! Oh, and you got my sub! TTYL!
I am very new to this community. I have 5 videos up and very few views and so far I have posted everything I have done because I have very personal reasons for doing them and have received so few comments as to be insulated from the negativity. Thanks for your reality. Dennis
There's a few videos I didn't bother to upload; some are just too lame, and some are too whiny and emotional. Sometimes I make serious videos private for a select few friends. In once case I made a video for ONE single person because YT wouldn't let me message her any other way.
To answer your question, I haven't posted a single video I've made, around the 12. That's not to mention the videos I didn't make after I auditioned myself in the mirror.
I agree with what your mother said about the New York Times. Which is why I haven't posted a video yet. At the moment I don't have something to say that I would be happy with the whole world seeing. I think you are right to censor yourself, it's an essential social skill isn't it?
I've enjoyed your videos, but I'm not sure who your audience is intended to be. With this medium you can't choose your audience can you? So yes, I'd be wary and pitch my monologues on the assumption that my mother, my boss and my customers are all watching.
Judging by some of the comments made, I'm concerned that you may be encouraged by, ableit well-meaning, fans to be too personal. I'd go with the suggestion of having two accounts, one personal and one public. I might do the same.
Thanks for using up your comment limit here to give me a valuable response. I am not sure what everyone means by private though. What makes you think that "personal" account won't be found by someone. It brings to mind another saying that I think goes something like this. The only way two people can keep a secret is if one of them is dead.
I mean like the first comment, where you can mark a video as private to restrict it to specific users. But if people can link directly, then I see your point. I'm trying it out now.
Bonnie, if you upload a video you can choose to set it to NOT public and you can mark "friends" and or "family", that way only those listed in one of those catagories can see your video. If you mark none it's only viewable for you.
Also, if you have like 5 special people you would like to talk to about something you can make a new group and copy people from "all contacts" or "friends" to that new list and then set the video to be only viewable by that group. Hope this helps :)
Nice subject once again Bonnie. I made many vids, mainly vlogs, that I didn't upload - somehow I'm afraid people won't understand and when I watch them back I think they are pathetic. My last vlog I set to friends only for the same reason...
I think you look nice. You have a good stage presence. I will sbscribe to you now that I have run accross you. Maybe your problem is being to closed in. Why don't you take a break, go outside and experience something else for a while, then come back and talk about that. Take the camera with you even and show some day in the life clips.
I've posted 99 videos-I've made 3 videos which I've not posted. One was a camera review on which I talked for 15 minutes and didn't say anything truly meaningful about the camera-1 of them I looked like total crap and did a mild but lame rant-1 of them was simply to long for the entertainment value it provided and I totally redid it and made it half as long.
So I guess I don't do a lot of self censorship in my videos-I'd say I do much more self censorship with my comments-It really seems hard to say anything even mildly negative without people taking offense to it
Good point on the self censorship. The solution at present is multiple accounts. But I think we need to be like cable...and people can subscribe based on permission.
Your spending way to much time on here Bonnie unless you intend to make money doing it. You need to make breakfast for your husband and or get a job to support your kids summer camp. If you are not married you should be.
I can afford to send my non-existent children to the best summer camp money can buy and since I own the company I work for, I can afford to play hooky too.
I would suggest a great little book titled Art and Fear. In it, I learned "to require perfection is to invite paralysis. The pattern is predictible: as you see error in what you have done, you steer your work toward what you imagine you can do perfectly. . . . You cling ever more tightly to what you aleady know you can do - away from risk and explortation, and possible further from the work of your heart." Take a look.
Touching view of the human condition. If you're worried about others will think, you're already over the line of personal disclosure. The discussion of what might happen is moot, and there's nothing wrong with your choice(s). It looks like you're an obsessive personality type with addiction/depression in your family. Everyone has issues - master yours. Anti-depressants may have a positive effect on borderline OCD/ADHD. Maybe see a physician. Embrace the imperfection -- it distinguishes you.
I really appreciate that you are trying to be helpful with your comments about OCD/ADHD, but I wish people would stop making diagnosis after watching my videos. I have a great respect for the profession of psychology but I am not a fan of snap judgements, and since you don't know me deeply, that's all that your comment can be. Combined with the fact that you don't show your face on your channel, makes the whole thing unpleasant to me.
Yes, you are opaque, but your family pathology is scrawled all over you. Perhaps what you find unpleasant is that you can't hide the graffiti. Why do you care what we see or think, really? Stop seeking virtual validation. Those hours you spent in video isolation, ultimately feeling not good enough, could have been better spent out in the real world. Don't obsess in the realm of dysfunctional digital surrogacy. Seek out direct attachment. The relationships and feedback are much more meaningful.
You would not know if the relationships and feedback are more meaningful or not, because you do not have any videos up, so you are only participating in the commenting on others ideas.
You are wrong for numerous reasons, but certainly entitled to your opinion. Hopefully, you'll find a Promethean experience that transcends the empty, short-term gratification of virtual attachment. But, if you don't, and end up spending hours alone obsessing over virtual friends and tasks to the exclusion of direct contact, maybe you will change the balance. You're the one who will watch yourself age in video mirrors as time goes by. Will it be time well spent? Best of luck on your journey.
What is the value you get out of making so many assumptions about me? I have a very large family and many friends in the offline world. YouTubing is not instead of, it's in addition to. So why are you performing pop psychology on strangers? It's creepy.
I found this video last night and commented. Based on your assumption defense, I just watched a few more. Nice. So-who are you kidding? My original point: Why do you post videos about self-censorship when you are already there to see like a dark, ornate painting. The question is: can the painting see itself, or grasp how it is seen by others? Beyond that fascinating paradox (hence my 1st comment), you're obviously an exceptional human who has triumphed over incredible adversity. Fantastic!
You are soo beautiful inside and out. I enjoy watching your videos and I know I'm not alone when I say this, but there are soo many of us who are too afraid to make videos because it is difficult to be as free/open as you are. Regardless of what others think/feel about your videos, there seems to be one constant: you speak from your heart and are genuinely sincere -that in itself is amazing! Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work! (ignore the detractors)
You could create a new identity, and wear a mask, so that nobody could possibly know who you really are, and then no censorship would be required. Check out newworld101 to get the idea.
i definitely do it, too. i don't have any unposted finished videos, but i have a lot that i started and then realized i didn't want the corporate types that i work with to see them and canned the whole thing. i have a few videos that i made totally private and then sent to just a few youtube friends. unfortunately, i think it's just the sort of thing we have to deal with when we make ourselves so public and available on the internet.
This was great. You've got a confident, laid-back, style that's easy to listen to. I think we all self-censor. I've pulled a few vlogs that I thought were self-indulgent. Don't worry about it too much either way. Just do what feels right to you at the time.
I'm going to subscribe to you, just too see your future vids. Just do it!! Don't worry about what people think. You feelings, ideas, thoughts etc are yours. If ya got the guts to video and post them, just do it!!
Hey Bonnie, whats up!!! Ive watched all your vid blogs, and I gotta say that i find all your "rants" interesting and insightful. Very refreshing and honest(no pun intended!!) In the beginning, the reason why I looked at your vid blogs because I found you extremely attractive, but now I realize that there is substance and meaning behind the beautiful face. So keep up the good work and take care!!!
I myself have about 8 vids that are finished or near completion that have not been posted. Although I posted a vid about a month ago that I wasn't going to put up and it was a hit. So who knows, I guess we should share what we create weather we like it ourself or not. The inspiration must have been there for a reason.
Hey Bonnie--30 to 40 finished videos? I'd love to see them! Usually the videos that people don't post or the ones they pull down (after they sober up or cool off, whatever the case may be) are the best videos to watch! But I shouldn't talk. The potential (or current) client issue is the one that limits my participation tremendously. To a certain extent, we *all* censor ourselves. So, you have a fine line, and you have to walk it as best you can. I think you're doing a great job!
Yes, I think you can probably best understand what I am talking about. I think you have found a great way to participate in the community without compromising your ability to earn a living. If anything you are probably creating a new way to earn a living in the long run. Thanks for taking the time to comment here.
I post everything. There is a certain amount of narcissism inherent in doing vlogs, and I accepted it long ago. But every time I put something out there, there is feedback and it becomes a conversation and not just about me. Don't worry so much about it and just say what you have to say. It's only YouTube.
I was a target of hate much of it physical when I was young, so I have sort of learned to to fit in whereever I go and not try to make myself too noticeably different. Not sure how calling attention to myself plays out here on YouTube. Still working out the details.
No offense, but let's say Michael Richards or Mel Gibson really believe the garbage they spewed that got them into trouble. They still should have kept it to themselves if they want to make a living being anything other than racist lightning rods.
Well sure, but I'd have to say that I doubt either of those two TRUELY know themselves. Sputtering hate is an expression of self-hatred...no matter how subconscious it is. Actions on the outside are just a reflection of what is really going on in the inside. Knowing your TRUE self, embarking on the mirror of truth is not as easy as just saying "I know who I am",it takes courage and great inner strength. In reality people people have no idea.
Oh, I see you mean know thyself in the sense of not just know but be at peace with type knowing. I do try to do that, but that is a life long journey, and if I waited until I reached that destination I would never post another video ;-) So what's an earnest girl to do in the meantime?
Do you "really" try? Why does it have to be a life long journey? Who made these rules? Self-reflection and awakening can happen instantantiously if the person is willing to face their fears and look inside. Transformation is possible at any time, not just in a make believe projected future that doesn't even really exist ;)
I think people are like the Internet; a growing organic structure that is not the same from one minute to the next. I am not the person I was yesterday, so whatever I thought I was, that was then, and I must endeavor to know myself in this moment. Or in the case of the internet, there will always be spam because for every rule you make to block it, there will be a new technology to delight us and be irresistible to spammers.
I should do more self-censorship and worry more about what potential clients will think of all this - But I've reached the point in my life where if you don't have a sense of humor, I don't want to work with you. About 10% of my finished videos don't make it to the 'Tube.
Yes, but your videos are funny. Matter of fact I am amazed at how funny you can be while still being intelligent and articulate. I need a sense of humor transplant, care to give me a piece of yours?
Thank you - That's very flattering, considering the source ~ In my first comment I mentioned humor, but I also don't want clients who are intolerant of my views in my more serious videos either.
I can identify with what you say and never have posted a vlog even though I have made a few because I am concerned mostly about work life with colleagues and customers. Just need to find the right topic and theme to get comfortable.
Thanks for letting me know. I hope my vlogs don't just become about the superficial because my fear of tackling something difficult keeps me from the meaningful.
But I did have a personal written blog once and was horrified to see it come up in the search engines. That caused me to take it down immediately. Even my current YouTube videos, there are some things I hope don't reach the wrong people. But I guess I just try not to be negative unless I really stand by it.
My mother always said, don't say anything in a letter, that you wouldn't want to see published on the cover of the New York Times. I know it was a different world then, but I think it still holds true.
True, but isn't it sad that some private matters get public these days when they were not meant to? Anyway, keep up the good work, I like your easy going style. I think I have to cut down my video lengths, yours seem a good length and still informative.
You could also post a private video for those that you have sent friend invites to and then get some feedback. This might effect your decision to make a video public or not.
When you tag a video as private only people on YouTube that you have accepted as "friends" can view the video. I don't mean your real life friends. I mean your YouTube friends. Send out friend invites to your loyal watchers.
I've probably scrapped that many while filming or editing them, but I've only ever decided not to post two finished videos (I currently have 42 videos up), plus one that I posted, then privatized a day later after realizing it was a mistake.
Bonnie - I agree with what you are saying, for this reason I have stuck mainly to business videos and less personal topics, though I did a video finally on myself since I got so many questions. When in doubt, it is better to be careful, but its a tricky line to walk.
I read terms like "self-absorbed" and "narcissistic" in YouTube comments, but are those really bad things? Broadcast Yourself. Nobody would criticize a television station for being overly concerned with the people they broadcast. (I wish I had seen the xSJPx "What are you watching?" video, which she self-censored, in part for being "narcissistic.")
If you're concerned about future clients, have you considered just creating a seperate YouTube account? You could have one personal account and one professional one.
This channel is the personal one. But if some guy from one of my client's offices is cruising the front page and I happened to get featured for doing a farting video (not that I would do a farting video), and he says, "hey it's Bonnie!" to the whole office and then they start checking out all my videos, and in one of them, there is something that makes them pity me or in another way look down on me, then bamn, there goes my credibility as an authority with that client.
Okay, not sure my comment even showed. So again. Yeah, i sometimes wonder if I have lost potential clients because of what i say and do on Youtube. People will find your videos and you have to think about the content and how you do present yourself. Even though most of us do portray a bit of a "character" and not our true selves. ROCK ON BONNIE!!!
...but as to the main topic, I don't think I've ever self-censored a fully edited video (though I'm sometimes slow to post), but I have discarded video ideas after filming, in one case after two takes. In at least that last case, I'm still glad I did, and the content was pretty much mooted by subsequent events.
(In this case it's not entirely off topic, so I'll license my inner frat boy.)
You are so hot!
I guess you've demonstrated by example "the ridiculousness of the YouTube self-image thing." Even with the "just got up" look, you maintain your credibility, because your communication style is hard not to take seriously.
Hey, thanks frat boy ;-) I love men in bow ties, so had I been at your high school, I would have been a groupie of your National Association for the Advancement of the Necktie Decoration.
I wouldn't censor youself if I was you. Your contacts shouldn't be judgemental. Self absorbed means Autistic. I think people should be posting those videos because they don't need to have their videos turn out perfect.
I also have a very hard time making videos because I am constantly thinking about my vocabulary. It is hard for me to be cool and calm and remember all that I meant to say in a logical sequence. And the client thing, yep! I even mentioned that to Tom when we met.
Yes, your business lives or dies on how comfortable your clients are with you. Any videos you make will potentially be part of their decision making process even if they have nothing to do topic wise with your business.
I love watching your videos, keep making them. You are articulate and make me think. Your volume could be higher but I think one thing you should do is raise the camera angle. the Camera should be level with you, now it looks like we are lying down and you are looking down at us.
Thanks for letting me know what you think of the videos. I have gotten that feedback about angle from someone else this week. Its not always possible to get decent lighting and get the camera on my face. So when it's one or the other I opt for good lighting. I will keep it in mind though.
I tormented myself over this for months before I made a video. Actually one of my first videos was about paid subscriptions and I didn't post it because I thought something controversial wasn't a good way to start even thought I could present valid points.
I under stand, after I made a video replying to renneto in which my hair was uncombed. My wife told me I should have combed my hair. I didn't care at that moment that is how I felt.
One of my videos that I have not published is about body image and physical fitness. Would you be willing to view it privately and tell me what you think? I would Private Message you a url and you can tell me if you think I should publish it or not.
I haven't made any videos. I am so self-critical and concerned will they get the video or me? What will my co-workers think? Maybe it's a control issue. It is ironic, in my personal life I do whatever I please and in general, don't give a rats @$% what others think - not to consistent. I like psychtruth suggestion about posting for friends, not as a rule, but for videos which might be misunderstood. So to answer your question, yes I have many of the same issues.
Very few of my offline friends are on YouTube and in fact not one of them has ever commented on my videos, so if I just made videos for them, I would be talking to myself. I still don't get the purpose of the friend designation on YT (the actual invitation/acceptance). It seems like it was actually meant to invite outside people but its use got re-purposed.
it's interesting that you would bring this up... after posting my first vid recently i made to cam vids introducing myself and trashed them both... nervousness of putting myself out there is definitely playing the major role but it was more than that... thanks for sharing this...
In the past, I just kept doing new takes until I got it down to just what I could say and feel comfortable with. Which also made for nice short videos. But no matter how many takes I do now, I never get one that I don't hate. I hope you have better luck. Let me know if you do, so I can go check it out.
Excellent. I find it hard to self censor my physicality (of being 3feet 8 inches tall)but use video as a way to embrace it and challenge perceptions. I should learn more self control on the content though!
If you're censoring your opinions because they might not be popular, I'd say you're trying to cater to your audience, all of whom you will never please. If you're censoring your language so the channel is one that parents don't have to worry about their kids watching, I do the same because I want to keep my channel a G-PG rated channel.
Yes. Great video. I have censored myself too, in fear of family and friends watching. And yes, the self absorbed thing...I look at my videos sometimes and think why the hell am I doing this? Keep going Bonnie. I love your honesty!
I envy how free you seem. I know its all an illusion, when we feel someone else is more comfortable speaking their mind, it's not necessarily true, it just means that they took the risk. I also like how in your videos, like the fame video, you are essentially talking to yourself giving yourself advice under the guise of giving it to others.
wow, I guess I'm lucky because I take the opposite stand. I sent out the YouTube link to family, friends, and some coworkers and said here ya go if you wanna watch.
I have had plenty of footage that never saw the light of day but anything close to completion was put up. I'm still learning. Maybe later I will be more self critical.
do what I do. Post videos that are completely out of line, and freak out over shit that is totally stupid, and create a bunch of enemies.
As far as clients. Well this and my myspace page are hidden in such a way that it would take a potential client a shit load of time to find this profile.
I cover my tracks in that way. The fact that many people say I live with my folks is a good thing.
LOl, that's a very very good point. I don't think I will be featured any time soon though.
I am having a hard time trying to put a video up though. I have over 2 hours of footage of me in a session and when I load it up the audio quality is awful!
I do the same sort of thing, but I think it stops right before or during the first shots. Ill just tell myself "WTF mate?!" and think of another idea.
You also have to think at who is watching and who your videos are for. They arent for the Haters, theyre for the people that dont care about aesthetics as much as content.
About 3/4 of my takes end in me saying, "that's *bleep" But usually by the time I get to making a video, I have been thinking about it for hours. So I am loath to abandon it. - ps, I miss the Japanese Master Steve videos.
I've not made any videos that I've not posted, except for reasons of timeliness. But then again, I don't think I've made any videos that were topical enough to worry about negative reaction.
Here's a question for you:
If a client saw your videos and made negative comments, would that be the last straw (and "Goodbye YouTube"), or would you draw the line and stand your ground - ditching your worries?
My worry is not that my clients would make negative comments. But rather that they would stop seeing my company as authoritative. If that happened, I would yank my videos.
I really do owe you one there. I have a chem eng degree and am now studying electronics. You always have to worry if one day everyone in the lab is laughing about some stupid thing someone found about you on Utube! grrr. I suppose making money makes being honest an impracticality.
I can relate. And, YES, I've been doing this. I've junked a few ideas so far because they seemed too silly. One idea I did actually carry out was so insane that I wouldn't dare post any it without first adding some kind of disclaimer. Nevermind that there are teenagers breaking legs on trampolines in their videos, I still worry about how I will look.
Kudos for doing this with the "bed hair" - guys have it waay to easy, sorry to admit.
I don't think I have said this before, but you have this amazing easy charm in your videos, which makes them very watchable - even the late night ones. But do you think this is the place for really serious topics?
Thank you, that's a really cool compliment. I tend to be my own worst critic. As for serious topics here, I think there's enough room for everything. I like your vids because you get people thinking - something that "regular" TV is mostly designed NOT to do.
You know i run a shop that serves the public and this topic crosses my mind all the time. all i can do is hope that people take your work and videos as a whole and not just one blog . I,ve watched your videos and
what comes through is what you dont see....honesty
im responding to this comment because i also have responded to both of your videos personally and on a very personal/yet public medium, yet; regardlessly have responded in a way that meant something to me. you are both important, you HAVE both raised topics of interest to me. YOUR concern for the quality of life that others are faced to deal with daily that are genuine; sit right with me, and touch me. Thankyou! Nice one Bon! Happy new year xoxox <3
Yes, if you starting posting videos about your religious views (I am not going to do that) and you were say.... a satanist, or you just made a joke about being one, and then it got seen and you ended up being hated by the town where you have your business. That would really matter to you. My business is global, but it's still like a small town, where the word spreads fast.
Your hair looks great :D
AlphawaveMeditation 1 year ago
self censorship is ridicules. no one is going to change their opinion if you throw in a swear or two. we are human. it is in our nature.
AirForcedude5 1 year ago
i... would... plow... right... thorugh... you...
naynay101hotdog 1 year ago
This was GREAT!
I know exactly how you feel! I made a vlog about Self-Censorship and yours came up as a related video so I decided to give it a watch. The part where you said you didn't want your relatives thinking you had gone around the bend is quite funny but so true! Probably going to post my video as a response to this one! Give it a watch if you like! Oh, and you got my sub! TTYL!
Chase
ChaseTheMusical 3 years ago
I love your thoughts.
iPracticeYoga 4 years ago
Thank you that means a lot. MWAH! You and me yoga soon.
ExperimentsinHonesty 4 years ago
you're beautiful!
dottdwithhearts 4 years ago
I am very new to this community. I have 5 videos up and very few views and so far I have posted everything I have done because I have very personal reasons for doing them and have received so few comments as to be insulated from the negativity. Thanks for your reality. Dennis
wdciii 5 years ago
is it ironic that you lied right off the bat.
geeoob 5 years ago
Care to elaborate?
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
mabey ya getting a little paranoid
popebenadict16 5 years ago
Nope.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
Another great vid :) Your honesty with yourself is impressive. Your honesty with us, the viewer, is astounding. Well done.
toddsquadxyz 5 years ago
Thanks for the compliment. I am definitely finding this an interesting process.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
There's a few videos I didn't bother to upload; some are just too lame, and some are too whiny and emotional. Sometimes I make serious videos private for a select few friends. In once case I made a video for ONE single person because YT wouldn't let me message her any other way.
SqueakyGibson 5 years ago
Yes, I have a video like that I have recorded, but I have never asked the person to friend me so there is really no way to get it to them.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
no camera.
JOYOUSONEX 5 years ago
To answer your question, I haven't posted a single video I've made, around the 12. That's not to mention the videos I didn't make after I auditioned myself in the mirror.
I agree with what your mother said about the New York Times. Which is why I haven't posted a video yet. At the moment I don't have something to say that I would be happy with the whole world seeing. I think you are right to censor yourself, it's an essential social skill isn't it?
thettpproject 5 years ago
I've enjoyed your videos, but I'm not sure who your audience is intended to be. With this medium you can't choose your audience can you? So yes, I'd be wary and pitch my monologues on the assumption that my mother, my boss and my customers are all watching.
Judging by some of the comments made, I'm concerned that you may be encouraged by, ableit well-meaning, fans to be too personal. I'd go with the suggestion of having two accounts, one personal and one public. I might do the same.
thettpproject 5 years ago
(Apologies for this comment's length, I never intended to write an essay)
thettpproject 5 years ago
Thanks for using up your comment limit here to give me a valuable response. I am not sure what everyone means by private though. What makes you think that "personal" account won't be found by someone. It brings to mind another saying that I think goes something like this. The only way two people can keep a secret is if one of them is dead.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
I mean like the first comment, where you can mark a video as private to restrict it to specific users. But if people can link directly, then I see your point. I'm trying it out now.
thettpproject 5 years ago
Bonnie, if you upload a video you can choose to set it to NOT public and you can mark "friends" and or "family", that way only those listed in one of those catagories can see your video. If you mark none it's only viewable for you.
DeXimE 5 years ago
Also, if you have like 5 special people you would like to talk to about something you can make a new group and copy people from "all contacts" or "friends" to that new list and then set the video to be only viewable by that group. Hope this helps :)
DeXimE 5 years ago
Nice subject once again Bonnie. I made many vids, mainly vlogs, that I didn't upload - somehow I'm afraid people won't understand and when I watch them back I think they are pathetic. My last vlog I set to friends only for the same reason...
DeXimE 5 years ago
Yes, I know, I went back to see if a comment that I posted showed up or not, and I could not view the video anymore. Thanks for explaining why.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
You should still be able to see it. Oh wait, just checked you wasn't listed as friend so I send you an invite.
DeXimE 5 years ago
I think you look nice. You have a good stage presence. I will sbscribe to you now that I have run accross you. Maybe your problem is being to closed in. Why don't you take a break, go outside and experience something else for a while, then come back and talk about that. Take the camera with you even and show some day in the life clips.
specker8 5 years ago
Hi Bonny,
seriously: i like your hair tousled like that.
But i hate my own in the morning, too.
mixedpixel 5 years ago
I like your hair in this vid. you look great naturaly.
HarveyLocust 5 years ago
I've posted 99 videos-I've made 3 videos which I've not posted. One was a camera review on which I talked for 15 minutes and didn't say anything truly meaningful about the camera-1 of them I looked like total crap and did a mild but lame rant-1 of them was simply to long for the entertainment value it provided and I totally redid it and made it half as long.
Blinkazoid 5 years ago
So I guess I don't do a lot of self censorship in my videos-I'd say I do much more self censorship with my comments-It really seems hard to say anything even mildly negative without people taking offense to it
Blinkazoid 5 years ago
That is very true.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
many of my vids are text-only, the remaining are voice synth
- lots of "Greg Solomon" tobacco moments over here, not very time consuming, as it amts. to crumpling some notes
- judgement call on dishonest anonymity? - if i can't share how i like is that dishonest?
housebrand 5 years ago
Great topic Bonnie! If I don't like a video, I move on.
I hope everyone would too. Why leave something nasty?
rextangle 5 years ago
Good point on the self censorship. The solution at present is multiple accounts. But I think we need to be like cable...and people can subscribe based on permission.
evotelution 5 years ago
Not sure what you mean by "people can subscribe based on permission" Can you elaborate?
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
Your spending way to much time on here Bonnie unless you intend to make money doing it. You need to make breakfast for your husband and or get a job to support your kids summer camp. If you are not married you should be.
evotelution 5 years ago
I can afford to send my non-existent children to the best summer camp money can buy and since I own the company I work for, I can afford to play hooky too.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
I would suggest a great little book titled Art and Fear. In it, I learned "to require perfection is to invite paralysis. The pattern is predictible: as you see error in what you have done, you steer your work toward what you imagine you can do perfectly. . . . You cling ever more tightly to what you aleady know you can do - away from risk and explortation, and possible further from the work of your heart." Take a look.
jx14aby 5 years ago
I look forward to checking it out.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
Touching view of the human condition. If you're worried about others will think, you're already over the line of personal disclosure. The discussion of what might happen is moot, and there's nothing wrong with your choice(s). It looks like you're an obsessive personality type with addiction/depression in your family. Everyone has issues - master yours. Anti-depressants may have a positive effect on borderline OCD/ADHD. Maybe see a physician. Embrace the imperfection -- it distinguishes you.
tuboidal 5 years ago
I really appreciate that you are trying to be helpful with your comments about OCD/ADHD, but I wish people would stop making diagnosis after watching my videos. I have a great respect for the profession of psychology but I am not a fan of snap judgements, and since you don't know me deeply, that's all that your comment can be. Combined with the fact that you don't show your face on your channel, makes the whole thing unpleasant to me.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
Yes, you are opaque, but your family pathology is scrawled all over you. Perhaps what you find unpleasant is that you can't hide the graffiti. Why do you care what we see or think, really? Stop seeking virtual validation. Those hours you spent in video isolation, ultimately feeling not good enough, could have been better spent out in the real world. Don't obsess in the realm of dysfunctional digital surrogacy. Seek out direct attachment. The relationships and feedback are much more meaningful.
tuboidal 5 years ago
You would not know if the relationships and feedback are more meaningful or not, because you do not have any videos up, so you are only participating in the commenting on others ideas.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
You are wrong for numerous reasons, but certainly entitled to your opinion. Hopefully, you'll find a Promethean experience that transcends the empty, short-term gratification of virtual attachment. But, if you don't, and end up spending hours alone obsessing over virtual friends and tasks to the exclusion of direct contact, maybe you will change the balance. You're the one who will watch yourself age in video mirrors as time goes by. Will it be time well spent? Best of luck on your journey.
tuboidal 5 years ago
What is the value you get out of making so many assumptions about me? I have a very large family and many friends in the offline world. YouTubing is not instead of, it's in addition to. So why are you performing pop psychology on strangers? It's creepy.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
I found this video last night and commented. Based on your assumption defense, I just watched a few more. Nice. So-who are you kidding? My original point: Why do you post videos about self-censorship when you are already there to see like a dark, ornate painting. The question is: can the painting see itself, or grasp how it is seen by others? Beyond that fascinating paradox (hence my 1st comment), you're obviously an exceptional human who has triumphed over incredible adversity. Fantastic!
tuboidal 5 years ago
You are soo beautiful inside and out. I enjoy watching your videos and I know I'm not alone when I say this, but there are soo many of us who are too afraid to make videos because it is difficult to be as free/open as you are. Regardless of what others think/feel about your videos, there seems to be one constant: you speak from your heart and are genuinely sincere -that in itself is amazing! Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work! (ignore the detractors)
stagnantmorass 5 years ago
Thank you, that's very kind. If you do get some videos up, let me know so I can check them out.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
You could create a new identity, and wear a mask, so that nobody could possibly know who you really are, and then no censorship would be required. Check out newworld101 to get the idea.
dexarouskies 5 years ago
hmm, a mask. I will think about it.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
i definitely do it, too. i don't have any unposted finished videos, but i have a lot that i started and then realized i didn't want the corporate types that i work with to see them and canned the whole thing. i have a few videos that i made totally private and then sent to just a few youtube friends. unfortunately, i think it's just the sort of thing we have to deal with when we make ourselves so public and available on the internet.
pinkymccoversong 5 years ago
thanks for letting me know I am not alone.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
That is no way to live!
MistarX 5 years ago
Agreed.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
This was great. You've got a confident, laid-back, style that's easy to listen to. I think we all self-censor. I've pulled a few vlogs that I thought were self-indulgent. Don't worry about it too much either way. Just do what feels right to you at the time.
ReluctantRedneck 5 years ago
Thanks for the feedback.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
I'm going to subscribe to you, just too see your future vids. Just do it!! Don't worry about what people think. You feelings, ideas, thoughts etc are yours. If ya got the guts to video and post them, just do it!!
JOYOUSONEX 5 years ago
How come you don't post videos?
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
I really needed to hear this today...thx for putting this up
pnkdragn 5 years ago
See I have been totally admiring your freedom. I loved the chair dance, the song battles. Are you self censoring too?
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
Hey Bonnie, whats up!!! Ive watched all your vid blogs, and I gotta say that i find all your "rants" interesting and insightful. Very refreshing and honest(no pun intended!!) In the beginning, the reason why I looked at your vid blogs because I found you extremely attractive, but now I realize that there is substance and meaning behind the beautiful face. So keep up the good work and take care!!!
JacksonShredder138 5 years ago
Thank you very much. I hope my next video does not convince you I am an airhead ;-)
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
I myself have about 8 vids that are finished or near completion that have not been posted. Although I posted a vid about a month ago that I wasn't going to put up and it was a hit. So who knows, I guess we should share what we create weather we like it ourself or not. The inspiration must have been there for a reason.
BetaFlux 5 years ago
sounds like a Catch 23. you want to be honest,
maybe keep a diary instead :S
speedcrayzy 5 years ago
Hey Bonnie--30 to 40 finished videos? I'd love to see them! Usually the videos that people don't post or the ones they pull down (after they sober up or cool off, whatever the case may be) are the best videos to watch! But I shouldn't talk. The potential (or current) client issue is the one that limits my participation tremendously. To a certain extent, we *all* censor ourselves. So, you have a fine line, and you have to walk it as best you can. I think you're doing a great job!
JimmyHook 5 years ago
Yes, I think you can probably best understand what I am talking about. I think you have found a great way to participate in the community without compromising your ability to earn a living. If anything you are probably creating a new way to earn a living in the long run. Thanks for taking the time to comment here.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
I post everything. There is a certain amount of narcissism inherent in doing vlogs, and I accepted it long ago. But every time I put something out there, there is feedback and it becomes a conversation and not just about me. Don't worry so much about it and just say what you have to say. It's only YouTube.
FantasticBabblings 5 years ago
I was a target of hate much of it physical when I was young, so I have sort of learned to to fit in whereever I go and not try to make myself too noticeably different. Not sure how calling attention to myself plays out here on YouTube. Still working out the details.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
i also really like your surroundings. the room you're in is very elegant.
xsquishh 5 years ago
Thank you. I love my place. The aesthetics of my surroundings definitely affect my mood.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
Know Thy Self & everything will flow naturally
TheAlchemist78 5 years ago
I do know myself, I am just not sure I want other people to.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
If you really knew yourself than you wouldn't care what others thought of you ;) Just my two cents.
TheAlchemist78 5 years ago
No offense, but let's say Michael Richards or Mel Gibson really believe the garbage they spewed that got them into trouble. They still should have kept it to themselves if they want to make a living being anything other than racist lightning rods.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
Well sure, but I'd have to say that I doubt either of those two TRUELY know themselves. Sputtering hate is an expression of self-hatred...no matter how subconscious it is. Actions on the outside are just a reflection of what is really going on in the inside. Knowing your TRUE self, embarking on the mirror of truth is not as easy as just saying "I know who I am",it takes courage and great inner strength. In reality people people have no idea.
TheAlchemist78 5 years ago
Oh, I see you mean know thyself in the sense of not just know but be at peace with type knowing. I do try to do that, but that is a life long journey, and if I waited until I reached that destination I would never post another video ;-) So what's an earnest girl to do in the meantime?
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
Do you "really" try? Why does it have to be a life long journey? Who made these rules? Self-reflection and awakening can happen instantantiously if the person is willing to face their fears and look inside. Transformation is possible at any time, not just in a make believe projected future that doesn't even really exist ;)
TheAlchemist78 5 years ago
I think people are like the Internet; a growing organic structure that is not the same from one minute to the next. I am not the person I was yesterday, so whatever I thought I was, that was then, and I must endeavor to know myself in this moment. Or in the case of the internet, there will always be spam because for every rule you make to block it, there will be a new technology to delight us and be irresistible to spammers.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
I should do more self-censorship and worry more about what potential clients will think of all this - But I've reached the point in my life where if you don't have a sense of humor, I don't want to work with you. About 10% of my finished videos don't make it to the 'Tube.
kenrg 5 years ago
Yes, but your videos are funny. Matter of fact I am amazed at how funny you can be while still being intelligent and articulate. I need a sense of humor transplant, care to give me a piece of yours?
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
Thank you - That's very flattering, considering the source ~ In my first comment I mentioned humor, but I also don't want clients who are intolerant of my views in my more serious videos either.
kenrg 5 years ago
I can identify with what you say and never have posted a vlog even though I have made a few because I am concerned mostly about work life with colleagues and customers. Just need to find the right topic and theme to get comfortable.
vidular 5 years ago
Thanks for letting me know. I hope my vlogs don't just become about the superficial because my fear of tackling something difficult keeps me from the meaningful.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
But I did have a personal written blog once and was horrified to see it come up in the search engines. That caused me to take it down immediately. Even my current YouTube videos, there are some things I hope don't reach the wrong people. But I guess I just try not to be negative unless I really stand by it.
StrugglngEntrpreneur 5 years ago
My mother always said, don't say anything in a letter, that you wouldn't want to see published on the cover of the New York Times. I know it was a different world then, but I think it still holds true.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
True, but isn't it sad that some private matters get public these days when they were not meant to? Anyway, keep up the good work, I like your easy going style. I think I have to cut down my video lengths, yours seem a good length and still informative.
StrugglngEntrpreneur 5 years ago
You could also post a private video for those that you have sent friend invites to and then get some feedback. This might effect your decision to make a video public or not.
reganatf 5 years ago
That's a good idea.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
When you tag a video as private only people on YouTube that you have accepted as "friends" can view the video. I don't mean your real life friends. I mean your YouTube friends. Send out friend invites to your loyal watchers.
reganatf 5 years ago
Thirty or forty? Wow.
I've probably scrapped that many while filming or editing them, but I've only ever decided not to post two finished videos (I currently have 42 videos up), plus one that I posted, then privatized a day later after realizing it was a mistake.
Prepoceros 5 years ago
Bonnie - I agree with what you are saying, for this reason I have stuck mainly to business videos and less personal topics, though I did a video finally on myself since I got so many questions. When in doubt, it is better to be careful, but its a tricky line to walk.
StrugglngEntrpreneur 5 years ago
I read terms like "self-absorbed" and "narcissistic" in YouTube comments, but are those really bad things? Broadcast Yourself. Nobody would criticize a television station for being overly concerned with the people they broadcast. (I wish I had seen the xSJPx "What are you watching?" video, which she self-censored, in part for being "narcissistic.")
DClaudeKatz 5 years ago
If you're concerned about future clients, have you considered just creating a seperate YouTube account? You could have one personal account and one professional one.
rogerdodgeraviation 5 years ago
This channel is the personal one. But if some guy from one of my client's offices is cruising the front page and I happened to get featured for doing a farting video (not that I would do a farting video), and he says, "hey it's Bonnie!" to the whole office and then they start checking out all my videos, and in one of them, there is something that makes them pity me or in another way look down on me, then bamn, there goes my credibility as an authority with that client.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
Okay, not sure my comment even showed. So again. Yeah, i sometimes wonder if I have lost potential clients because of what i say and do on Youtube. People will find your videos and you have to think about the content and how you do present yourself. Even though most of us do portray a bit of a "character" and not our true selves. ROCK ON BONNIE!!!
megalisstudio 5 years ago
I envy you because in some ways you have the luxury of getting to say that you did it for a laugh. Looking forward to your next video as always.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
...but as to the main topic, I don't think I've ever self-censored a fully edited video (though I'm sometimes slow to post), but I have discarded video ideas after filming, in one case after two takes. In at least that last case, I'm still glad I did, and the content was pretty much mooted by subsequent events.
DClaudeKatz 5 years ago
Peace
FUBAR4U2 5 years ago
(In this case it's not entirely off topic, so I'll license my inner frat boy.)
You are so hot!
I guess you've demonstrated by example "the ridiculousness of the YouTube self-image thing." Even with the "just got up" look, you maintain your credibility, because your communication style is hard not to take seriously.
DClaudeKatz 5 years ago
Hey, thanks frat boy ;-) I love men in bow ties, so had I been at your high school, I would have been a groupie of your National Association for the Advancement of the Necktie Decoration.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
You could have been a member. We had one or two girls (and this was before Annie Hall). (BTW "Neck Decoration", not "Necktie Decoration")
DClaudeKatz 5 years ago
Doh!
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
I wouldn't censor youself if I was you. Your contacts shouldn't be judgemental. Self absorbed means Autistic. I think people should be posting those videos because they don't need to have their videos turn out perfect.
satinpetal 5 years ago
Thanks for the encouragement. Curious though, how come you don't have any videos up?
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
I need to find a camera and set myself up.
satinpetal 5 years ago
When you get your first video up let me know. I will go check it out.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
I also have a very hard time making videos because I am constantly thinking about my vocabulary. It is hard for me to be cool and calm and remember all that I meant to say in a logical sequence. And the client thing, yep! I even mentioned that to Tom when we met.
PastaBaby 5 years ago
Yes, your business lives or dies on how comfortable your clients are with you. Any videos you make will potentially be part of their decision making process even if they have nothing to do topic wise with your business.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
I love watching your videos, keep making them. You are articulate and make me think. Your volume could be higher but I think one thing you should do is raise the camera angle. the Camera should be level with you, now it looks like we are lying down and you are looking down at us.
Bosphotoman 5 years ago
Thanks for letting me know what you think of the videos. I have gotten that feedback about angle from someone else this week. Its not always possible to get decent lighting and get the camera on my face. So when it's one or the other I opt for good lighting. I will keep it in mind though.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
I tormented myself over this for months before I made a video. Actually one of my first videos was about paid subscriptions and I didn't post it because I thought something controversial wasn't a good way to start even thought I could present valid points.
PastaBaby 5 years ago
Yes, I can understand that.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
I under stand, after I made a video replying to renneto in which my hair was uncombed. My wife told me I should have combed my hair. I didn't care at that moment that is how I felt.
vmanvand 5 years ago
One of my videos that I have not published is about body image and physical fitness. Would you be willing to view it privately and tell me what you think? I would Private Message you a url and you can tell me if you think I should publish it or not.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
Sure
vmanvand 5 years ago
I haven't made any videos. I am so self-critical and concerned will they get the video or me? What will my co-workers think? Maybe it's a control issue. It is ironic, in my personal life I do whatever I please and in general, don't give a rats @$% what others think - not to consistent. I like psychtruth suggestion about posting for friends, not as a rule, but for videos which might be misunderstood. So to answer your question, yes I have many of the same issues.
Jervns 5 years ago
Very few of my offline friends are on YouTube and in fact not one of them has ever commented on my videos, so if I just made videos for them, I would be talking to myself. I still don't get the purpose of the friend designation on YT (the actual invitation/acceptance). It seems like it was actually meant to invite outside people but its use got re-purposed.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
it's interesting that you would bring this up... after posting my first vid recently i made to cam vids introducing myself and trashed them both... nervousness of putting myself out there is definitely playing the major role but it was more than that... thanks for sharing this...
cateyesTV 5 years ago
In the past, I just kept doing new takes until I got it down to just what I could say and feel comfortable with. Which also made for nice short videos. But no matter how many takes I do now, I never get one that I don't hate. I hope you have better luck. Let me know if you do, so I can go check it out.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
Excellent. I find it hard to self censor my physicality (of being 3feet 8 inches tall)but use video as a way to embrace it and challenge perceptions. I should learn more self control on the content though!
richw4 5 years ago
I think your content is good... I am just seriously scared of your background image.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
see what I mean - will self censor it with something more appealing..A picture of me!
richw4 5 years ago
If you're censoring your opinions because they might not be popular, I'd say you're trying to cater to your audience, all of whom you will never please. If you're censoring your language so the channel is one that parents don't have to worry about their kids watching, I do the same because I want to keep my channel a G-PG rated channel.
CoquiDave 5 years ago
Yes. Great video. I have censored myself too, in fear of family and friends watching. And yes, the self absorbed thing...I look at my videos sometimes and think why the hell am I doing this? Keep going Bonnie. I love your honesty!
K80Blog 5 years ago
I envy how free you seem. I know its all an illusion, when we feel someone else is more comfortable speaking their mind, it's not necessarily true, it just means that they took the risk. I also like how in your videos, like the fame video, you are essentially talking to yourself giving yourself advice under the guise of giving it to others.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
sincerity vs. authenticity. I told ya ;)
AntiRelusionist 5 years ago
Yes you did. :-)
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
wow, I guess I'm lucky because I take the opposite stand. I sent out the YouTube link to family, friends, and some coworkers and said here ya go if you wanna watch.
I have had plenty of footage that never saw the light of day but anything close to completion was put up. I'm still learning. Maybe later I will be more self critical.
DoctorOhh 5 years ago
Do you mind if I ask what you do for a living?
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
do what I do. Post videos that are completely out of line, and freak out over shit that is totally stupid, and create a bunch of enemies.
As far as clients. Well this and my myspace page are hidden in such a way that it would take a potential client a shit load of time to find this profile.
I cover my tracks in that way. The fact that many people say I live with my folks is a good thing.
repugshateMerica 5 years ago
But what if you get featured? In your biz, being the guy who think "Jessica Simpson is not that bad", could be death ;-)
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
LOl, that's a very very good point. I don't think I will be featured any time soon though.
I am having a hard time trying to put a video up though. I have over 2 hours of footage of me in a session and when I load it up the audio quality is awful!
repugshateMerica 5 years ago
I do the same sort of thing, but I think it stops right before or during the first shots. Ill just tell myself "WTF mate?!" and think of another idea.
You also have to think at who is watching and who your videos are for. They arent for the Haters, theyre for the people that dont care about aesthetics as much as content.
groovytimes 5 years ago
About 3/4 of my takes end in me saying, "that's *bleep" But usually by the time I get to making a video, I have been thinking about it for hours. So I am loath to abandon it. - ps, I miss the Japanese Master Steve videos.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
hehe yeah Ive been meaning to make one, Im still feeling like crap, but I think this friday video making will involve him.
groovytimes 5 years ago
I've not made any videos that I've not posted, except for reasons of timeliness. But then again, I don't think I've made any videos that were topical enough to worry about negative reaction.
Here's a question for you:
If a client saw your videos and made negative comments, would that be the last straw (and "Goodbye YouTube"), or would you draw the line and stand your ground - ditching your worries?
30andout 5 years ago
My worry is not that my clients would make negative comments. But rather that they would stop seeing my company as authoritative. If that happened, I would yank my videos.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
interesting. your comment to me made me think more than twice and I took down all my videos. haha
murbones 5 years ago
On that one video I am glad I reached you in time. But on your introductory video, I thought it was very good and was sorry you took that down.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
I really do owe you one there. I have a chem eng degree and am now studying electronics. You always have to worry if one day everyone in the lab is laughing about some stupid thing someone found about you on Utube! grrr. I suppose making money makes being honest an impracticality.
murbones 5 years ago
I am less worried about people laughing at me, than I am about appearing untrustworthy to people who have to trust me to feel comfortable paying me.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
I can relate. And, YES, I've been doing this. I've junked a few ideas so far because they seemed too silly. One idea I did actually carry out was so insane that I wouldn't dare post any it without first adding some kind of disclaimer. Nevermind that there are teenagers breaking legs on trampolines in their videos, I still worry about how I will look.
Kudos for doing this with the "bed hair" - guys have it waay to easy, sorry to admit.
curt344 5 years ago
I don't think I have said this before, but you have this amazing easy charm in your videos, which makes them very watchable - even the late night ones. But do you think this is the place for really serious topics?
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
Thank you, that's a really cool compliment. I tend to be my own worst critic. As for serious topics here, I think there's enough room for everything. I like your vids because you get people thinking - something that "regular" TV is mostly designed NOT to do.
curt344 5 years ago
You know i run a shop that serves the public and this topic crosses my mind all the time. all i can do is hope that people take your work and videos as a whole and not just one blog . I,ve watched your videos and
what comes through is what you dont see....honesty
zacksrepair 5 years ago
im responding to this comment because i also have responded to both of your videos personally and on a very personal/yet public medium, yet; regardlessly have responded in a way that meant something to me. you are both important, you HAVE both raised topics of interest to me. YOUR concern for the quality of life that others are faced to deal with daily that are genuine; sit right with me, and touch me. Thankyou! Nice one Bon! Happy new year xoxox <3
artizenflair 5 years ago
Yes, that is the flip side. Maybe I help another person when I share my views. That certainly feels worthwhile.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
Yes, if you starting posting videos about your religious views (I am not going to do that) and you were say.... a satanist, or you just made a joke about being one, and then it got seen and you ended up being hated by the town where you have your business. That would really matter to you. My business is global, but it's still like a small town, where the word spreads fast.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
Why don't you post them for friends only so the people that love you can see them. That would be a little more private and more safe.
psychtruth 5 years ago
My offline friends are not on YouTube, if they find these videos, it's because I send them a link.
ExperimentsinHonesty 5 years ago
Yeah, good idea! Set the worrisome videos to private and allow access to friends only. Your "self-censored" videos can still be viewed by everyone.
rogerdodgeraviation 5 years ago