Added: 4 years ago
From: Mattmon2
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  • Eat your weiners on buns. NOOOO CONDIMENTS!!!!

  • Thank you AE Just. . . thank you.

  • Wait a sec... They're talking about God, aren't they?

  • @BluecollarAtheist that's what I've been saying though, isn't it? *looks confused* :)

  • Confucianism - You should kiss asses to relatives that had alredy left the town and someday your descendants will be kissing yours.

    Hinduism -You can kiss Hank`s ass or Sue`s or/and Bob`s noose. if you had left the town and no one gave you million dollars then you`ll come back to the town in new clothes to kiss ass for someone else

    Haven`s gate - You should kiss Hank`s ass and then.... Oh wait! We `ve just seen Hank`s limousine! We are leaving the town right now to catch him on the junction!

  • This is hilarious; my name's Hank btw (but I'm an atheist).

  • @jerico641 During a tragic incident inside a secret experimental laboratory, Jerico641acidently fell victim to a prototype of the government's new stupid ray.

  • Haha, brilliant.

  • I love this!

  • What I seem to be learning from this ideo is that Atheists are basically gay homophobes who long to kiss Hank's his ass, but when it comes down to it, they don't want to commit but react all violent...Who came up with the ass-kissing idea in the first place?John, Mary, Hank... it all just plays in your brain.Get your personal drama straight.

    Have to admit the bald guy looks kind of hot when he gets all sarcastic and condescending though, like a true sadist slaughter all into torturing believers.

  • This analogy is great! And it gives me an idea for the title of the next viral video...

    Two Weiners, One Bun!

  • And this Christians, is how God, the bible and Christianity sounds to Atheists!

  • Brilliant!

    Chuck Norris told Hank to get out of town and leave the money, right before he round house kicked Hank in the wiener so hard, it is perminently lodged in his bun.

  • hanks gonna kick the shit out of me

  • Best. Joke. Ever. I love the AE, thanks for uploading this!

    I like this joke so much I've taken the audio and animated a little cartoon around it. (it's on my youtube page)

  • dude on the left cant read. it really takes away from his intellectual appearance :/

  • @DarthJohn111 - er, I don't think it's illiteracy; I just don't think our boy Don is a very good actor is all! XD

  • @DarthJohn111 Dude on the left is reading from a script that includes a lot of stutters and "w-w-what?!" type vernacular.

    And speaking of intellectual appearances...I'll leave it at that. ;)

  • I wouldn't mind to kiss Hank's ass.

  • This is pretty much how I've always viewed christianity.

  • Going on the favorites list!

  • Listen to hank or he will spank, unless ur into that

  • All praise Hank!

  • I found this skit years ago and it signalled the initial shuddering chill of my formerly healthy belief in God. I found it so enlightening. Thanks for your performance here. I enjoyed it.

  • Hail Hank!

  • After watching this, click on "Kissing Hank's Ass" over on the right. It's awesome.

  • epic

  • @JokinJoe

    PROVE Hank doesn't exist

  • I absolutely LOVED this one.

  • To add to this(it should have gone in the middle somewhere when they were talking about what carl said). "Carl said that Hank sent Fred down to do some really cool stuff, like jump off of a building and survive. We know this is true because Carl told us that Hank gave Fred the ability to. So obviously all of this is true because Carl said that Hank gave Fred the power to jump off stuff and survive!" :D

  • Cool !

  • haha this is genius

  • "Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you" LMFAO

  • THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

  • Genius.

  • Brilliant.

  • lols!

  • Pure genious! I love it!

  • Awesome. Pure awesome.

  • /watch?v=goQO4lcDt6E

  • hahahaha, very funny:D!!

  • One question, what was the "condiments" in Hank's doctrine, a metaphor of in the bible?

    Oh wow, when I just typed "bible" I accidentally typed "bile" and that pretty much fits :)

  • maybe its about having sex or sumthing, thats what i thought it meant.

  • yeah it's definetly a reference to homosexuality.

  • Re Atheist Experience Kissing Hanks Ass

    I don't think the condiments were a specific metaphor, it was more a humorous variation on the foods that aren't allowed by religions, like pork for Jews and Muslims or Cows for Hindus

  • @trifelgeputinage I always thought the bun/weiner was the...genitalia of a man and a woman, and the condiments were contraceptives, such as condoms, birth control, and abortion. But then again, both interpretations are hilarious. xD

  • Incredibly shrewd skit. Bravo! 5 stars!! Hilarious

  • i like it ,that was funny :)

  • all you guys just hate Hank. that's why you say he doesn't exist and he won't give us the money.

    but we *know* he will, because his letter says so

  • @BorgHub - Kissing Hanks Ass

    Hi there brother, I'm writing to you from the New Letter Day Church of the Latter Day Hankians to let you know that since his passing over Hank has been communicating with me from the other side, and has authorised me to take over his finances.

    To ensure you receive the New Letter from Hank - complete with instructions on how to kiss MY ass as Hanks Earthly representative, send $500 and I won't send the boys round.

    Rev Mc'Noodle (anti spaghettimonsterist party)

  • @trifelgeputinage Wha--...!? "Anti spaghettimonsterist party"!? INFIDEL!!! How dare you question the existance and divinity of the Flying Spaghetti Monster!? PERSECUTE!!! KILL THE HERETIC!!! ;-)

  • when you present a person exactly like religious people present god it sounds absurd. but when you tell that the guy has magic powers most of the world's population believe it's true.

    i will never understand people

  • no buns no weiners :DD

  • Very good! I'd like to tie christians to chairs and make them listen to this through headphones until they're deprogrammed...

  • Won't work GetMeThere1, Christians will just tell you ad nauseum that this applies to every other god except theirs, which of course is perfectly rational and reasonable.

  • @GetMeThere1 Go a Ludivico technique on them, like in A Clockwork Orange

  • @GetMeThere1 I would give you the advice to brew some coffee and prepare some sandwiches because this would take some time ^^

  • Excellent!!!

  • Hey all,

    I was having a piss-poor morning. Sorry for the battering posts here to Fait2 and others.

    Thanks.

  • Or, we could have a 'civil' conversation in more than 500 characters where you can hopefully admit you started this waste of time by insulting someone you do not even know. Perhaps work our way toward common ground from there. Or we can play sandbox soldiers and duke it out.

    Your call..."

    Fait2's response to my response (in full):

    "Here's something even you can understand. Fuck you asshole. See, I can swer when it is the only think a cretin like you can understand. (cont)

  • (cont)

    To continue your soldiering over something a trivial as this? Do you not consider that the height of "mindlessness"?

    It's foolish to play this game. You have no idea who I am, nor I you. For all you know I could be an MMA champ, or you could be an ex-SEAL. However, I'll stand my my statement: I would gladly say these things to your face, but you sir would throw the first punch, assuming there was one, as I would not. I speak my mind both behind and apart from a keyboard. (cont)

  • The PM Thread between Fait2 and RationalMuscle (in order):

    Fait2:

    "You'd "gladly" say those things to me face? Tell you what. I'll buy you a ticket from Boston, or wherever you are to where I am and then we'll see, won't we?"

    My response:

    "Ah, so you want to buy me a plane ticket just to tell you these things to your face. And then what? Do you assume we would come to blows? Are you really that desperate for a fight? (cont..)

  • that story is worthy of a hl2 gmod demostration

  • RobLow41, let's try again:

    Jesus CONTRADICTS Yahveh's dictates -- and that it blatantly clear in the rest of the sermon on the mount. Here, just look at the God's words that Jesus claimed to be:

    " "As you watch, I will repay Babylon and the people of Babylonia for all the wrong they have done to my people in Jerusalem," says the LORD." Jer. 51

    If you cannot see the contradiction, I do not feel sorry for you in the least.

  • I feel sorry for you because you never learned to think for yourself and see what a scam religion is.

    Most of the problems of the world are, and always have been, caused by religion. Mankind will never truly be free until the dark yoke of religion is lifted by the light of logic and facts.

  • And I feel sorry for you that you never read my bio before posting such an off-base remark.

  • Your bio has nothing to do with anything. I have read it and retract nothing. All religion is still a scam and those that promote it are con artists.

  • Okay, let me spell it out for you since you cannot read:

    I. AM. AN. AGNOSTIC.

    Do you understand now? Or do you want me to mail you a fucking dictionary?

    Agnostic: NOT RELIGIOUS.

    Geez...

  • First of all, using constant profanity is the inevitable sign of a weak mind trying to express itself forcefully. Second agnostic, does NOT mean "not religious" It means, "not sure".  An atheist, like me is sure. There is no god.

    Your bio, bird brain, say you are "spiritual". Or maybe you cannot read your own bio?

    Yep," stupid is as stupid does."

  • 1. No, it's the sign of a guy who enjoys swearing.

    2. Feel free to name one agnostic who is religious... I'll wait.

    3. "There is no god." To make that assertion is impossible. I agree it's highly probable, but even Dawkins, Stenger, etc. cannot say that with 100% certainty because you cannot disprove the supernatural. You can only argue against its probability.

    4. "Sam Harris claims he is "spiritual", as does Dawkins. It's meant metaphorically, you little snot.

  • 1. Yes, and one not smart enough to do anything original. A weak mind.

    2. You, was that too long for you?

    3. No it isn't. There is no evidence of any sort of higher being at all. Only "agnostics" that have no confidence in themselves would say that.

    4. So what does that prove? Not a thing. And insults only reveal that you have no facts or logic to present so you attack the messenger.

    Like all internet cowards, you hide behind your keyboard to insult people.

  • You think I'm "religious"? What an arrogant little twit to presume you know ME better than I do. I'm not religious -- period. In any way, shape or form.

    Then you go to say "there is no evidence." And you completely do NOT understand that I agree with you. BUT you also do not understand that "no evidence" is not 100% proof. There was no evidence for quarks 200 years ago.

    You started this by saying you "feel sorry for me" -- and insult if ever there was one. But I'm happy to finish it.

  • 1. So by your "reasoning" ... let's see... Christopher Hitchens is a mindless twaddle. After all, he swears left and right. As would be P.Z. Meyers, Victor Stenger, and dozens of other people who simply "swear".

    I'm curious where your aged pea-brain dreamt up the connection that "swearing = weak mind." Please do state your reasoning behind that statement.

    Or... could it be that you ARE religious and offended by such speech?

    Yep. I'm going for that. A theist in disguise.

  • Yes, they are twits. So is anyone with so little command of the language that it's the only thing king they can do to express themselves.

    You are just another internet coward hiding behind his keyboard to say things you would never dare say face-to-face.

    You are going to "end it" ROFLMAO! You are exactly the kind of mindless twit that HAS to get the last word in or you feel even more diminished as a person than you already are.

  • Yeah, those silly Oxford and Stanford grads with such little command over the English language that they land jobs as writers for ...

    Buddha, you're a silly fuck.

    Oh, and I would 'gladly' say this to your face, but my folks taught me to respect my elders.

    Nah... just kidding. I'd say it to your face had you started your conversation with me, as you did, without respect.

    Nope - sticking to my guns. You're a believer, just trying to troll. You're outed.

  • Thank you for making my case. Yes, you're stupid, inarticulate and a coward.

  • So brave of you to say "behind a keyboard", with nothing more than your silly assumptions to support you.

    Tell me: Do you find it to be a satisfying life to pretend you're an atheist while all the while being a dyed-in-the-wool theist? Is that how Jesus gives you your jollies?

    Do tell, wise old retired sage...

  • Yep, why don't you take me up on my offer? Afraid? Of course you are, yellow-belly.

    I am probably the most committed atheist you will ever meet. But you can't recognize obvious facts, so no one would expect yo to know that. either.

  • Funny ... you accuse 'me' of being one who needs to "express forcefully" by swearing, and then you make not-so-veiled threats of violence?

    No, I answered you - and we'll see how you respond.

    'Committed' is an appropriate term.

  • What was veiled? Was it too obscure for your feeble mind to understand? Never mind, "some truths we hold to be self-evident."

    I notice you have carefully avoided answering things like "look up agnostic" Maybe you are afraid of that truth, too?

  • This in my PM from Fait2:

    "Yes, I would throw the first punch and that will be the last thing you remember. You will then be spending the rest of your life doing vegetable imitations. YOu think because of my age, I am not someone that needs to be regarded with any respect. Come on down, asshole, and get your shit kicked."

    What a mental giant you are indeed. And all this over a fucking YouTube dispute. It's also been reported to YT, btw.

    You're sad... at any age.

  • You think I care? You're still a coward and a total moron. You still evade simple questions and don't know the difference between "agnostic" and "atheist". Look it up yourself. I also notice that you declined to post the entire PM. That's laughable, too.

  • Comment removed

  • Love Thy Enemy.

    -Jesus Christ

  • "Kill thy enemy."

    -- Jesus' dad

  • does not compute

  • // does not compute //

    Indeed it shouldn't. Jesus claimed to be Yahveh. Yahveh gave explicit instructions in numerous places to slaughter enemies of Israel. Yet Jesus said just the exact opposite.

    One of them is mistaken; therefore, one is not "god". But since Jesus claimed to "be" God (or at least God's son) we can discount his divinity on this claim alone.

  • Comment removed

  • Comment removed

  • RobLow41 said:

    // Jesus cleared up a lot of misconceptions of the old testament. //

    I see. So, it was a "misconception" when Yahveh said, " Suppose you hear in one of the towns the LORD your God is giving you that some worthless rabble among you have led their fellow citizens astray by encouraging them to worship foreign gods...You must attack that town and completely destroy all its inhabitants, as well as all the livestock."

    Just a clerical error? Typo?

    Dude, dream on.

  • Roblow41,

    You are a lucky fellow. You have been visiting atheist argumental videos for a while. Our comments have been very informative to you. Just keep it up, you are on the right track.

    Here is another food for your thought.

    "Love thy enemy" not in jesus name. Love your enemy for no other reasons. Love is unconditional, if you are doing it for a reason, it is sour.

  • I'm guessing two wieners is out of the question?

  • Very,very,very clever metaphor.

  • I accidently voted 2 stars, but this is pure gold!

  • Praise Hank

    May his ass be worshipped

  • Hmmm...I've got an idea for a new religion

  • pascal's wager == failure

    look it up

  • Hanktology? :D

  • This is greate. Perfectly reflects the absurdity of faith.

  • In Hank's Ass We Trust.

    Bloody Genius!

  • "eat your wieners on buns! NO condiments!"

    lol the condom polemic from the catholics

  • and masturbation

  • lol this is great, someone should go door to door with this like Jehova witnesses; Hanks witnesses.

  • I'd kiss Hanks ass for a million.

  • Number 12 - CUT THE TIP OF YOUR PENIS OFF. FUCK.

  • Great Video!

  • brilliant

  • I love the way matt says "He'll kick the shit out of you."

  • No condiments.

  • That skit cheered me up! It's funny becuse it's true Christians! ;)

  • "That skit cheered me up! It's funny becuse it's true Christians! ;) " -- neilswann80

    "really how? " -- veritaslogos

    If you can't understand how "Kissing Hank's Ass" is a perfect satire of Christianity, then there is little chance that you could ever understand anything. Maybe if you worked a little on being less ignorant of the world outside your little Christian club, you could understand such obvious things without needing them explained.

  • so this is like what, argument by insult. "if u dont see that my view point is right in virtue of the fact that i think its right, well then ur just dumb, no reasons needed in support of it." wow, thats mind numbing. im not ignorant of the outside world, ur insults simply beg the question in ur favor. if sum1 doesn't see it ur way well then they're just stupid, na na na boo boo. hardly impressive.

  • I will have a slightly less insulting try, but you might find what I say offensive anyway.

    1) The circular reasoning; Some Christians, not all, try and defend the Bible being Gods word with the bible saying it is and as God can't lie, it can't be wrong, much like the list says Hank dictated it and he is always right.

    2) You get a reward (heaven) or punishment (hell) when you die (or leave town), and nobody knows if it is true, but you live your lives on the chance that it is

    (cont)

  • 3) Contradictions; There are lots of contradicting parts in the bible, like God making 10 commandments, including "Do not kill", and then further in the same chapter instructing that the punishment for working on the 7th day of the week is death, telling his followers to kill those who does that, and thus themselves breaking the commandment

    4) No vertified sources for the existance of the messiah; No first hand accounts or contemporary accounts of Jesus, Moses, Abraham and no evidence of God

  • Even if we knew God existed, our only authority that he's always right would still be him, and it would still pretty much be circular reasoning.

    and you forgot #5: Putting absurd moral importance on something as trivial as sexual behavior, represented as how you eat your wieners. In fact, even questioning Hank and pointing out contradictions is not as bad as eating your wieners the wrong way, which is disgusting.

  • Clearly you didn't understand this video. Go watch TBN

  • This is hilarious! :D

  • 5 star video

  • awesome, guys. can't get anymore sarcastic.

    very funny. 5 stars.

  • This is the funniest thing I have ever seen on Youtube.

  • Matt sounds like Vizzini from The Princess Bride in this clip :)

  • Inconceivable!

  • Lol very good dude.

  • Before going to the bathroom?

  • "Y'all- science only goes so far then theres God"- what a dumbass. For years there were diseases and viruses that killed people and they prayed it would get better. And PEOPLE STILL CONTINUED TO DIE. It was science that identified bacteria, viruses, and germs and FOUND CURES for them. The people who took the cures got better. The people who only prayed DIED. I think I'll trust science before some ficticious book that says the earth is flat. It's obvious which is trustworthy.

  • i think you're a troll, so i'll stop responding now.

  • If you worship The Flying Speghetti Monster you will go to heaven and drink all the beer and do it with as many strippers as you want.

    Prove me wrong.

  • haha what a dumb piece of shit

  • "yall"? Are you serious? You're argument is instantly made invalid because you are actually lazy enough to type "yall"

  • fuck i wrote "you're". guess i'm retarded too.

  • actually "yall" is the correct word only yall athiest yanks say "you all"

  • U have no proof what so ever. Do you not find it funny how relgion is passed down in generations? i mean christian parents give christian childs. Wich means u have been TAUGHT to believe in this god. If you where a aztec X years go you would not believe in the christian god and you would be pissed for us questioning the aztec gods.

    Conclusion; god is not real.

  • Lol nothing worse than a proud moron. Thanks for pandering your idiocy. "Atheist yanks" Now I've heard it all! lol You really are priceless. Keep up the torpid apologetics, maybe one day you will earn the coveted creationist "Golden Crocoduck Award" Keep your eye on the price and remember above all.. BELIEVE!

  • did you just say atheist yank. i aint no damn yankee, but i sure al hell aint dumb enough to believe is magical jesus bullshit

  • this is the greatest thing ever

  • this thought experiment/role play is hysterical....

  • LOLOL

  • Hahahaha, "extremly moderate"...

  • great analogy, I try to stay straight faced and serious whilst giving opinions on religion, but hahahahahahahahaha very funny!

  • Wow, this is exactly how Creationists argue! Oh My Gods!

  • /agree

    Genius. Sums up Christian logic into a neat little package!

  • Actually, I was raised one. I was into apologetics for a while, and now I've become an atheist. I guess I'm just attracted to evidence and reason... Been an atheist for about 3 years now, and I don't regret it at all. The world finally makes sense.

    And just because you're a Christian doesn't mean you know anything about the Jesus of the Bible. I know plenty of these, as I'm sure you do too. So don't assume that because you believe in Jesus that you know more about him than others who don't.

  • You'd be surprised how much most atheists in America know about Christians and Christ. Most of them have even read the Bible from cover to cover, so it's not like the people who are critical of religion don't know what it's about.

  • "That's disgusting!! Only some kind of evil DEVIANT would eat that!"

    Yeah, let's pass a law against eating it! We'll call it Proposition 8!

    Yeah great idea!

  • That. Was. Genius.

  • Thanx for accepting my vid responce mate!

  • aha, that was good

  • LMAO!!!!!!!!!

    that was GREAT!!

    i shall, from this day forth, follow Hank.

    i want the million dollars.

    i found a $20 bill on the street yesterday. there is no logical reason why i would have found the money unless Hank had something to do with it.

    but wait...i like mustard on my dogs.

    hmmmm...a moral dilemma. well i'll just go with what hank says because, after all, hank is always right.

    HAHA!!! this video is just GREAT!

  • What happened to the other bald guy? Why is this stuttering guy always reading everything?

  • Thanks to Rev. James Huber for this awesome parable. JHuger*com

  • I about died laughing at 2:20 "Sometimes we blow Hank a kiss, and think about his ass."

  • great vid puts reality into perspective

  • This was awesome!