Obama To Hold Performance Review With All American Workers

[laaxe]

Sorry, but a performance review (and HR in general) is simply a device created by previously unhireable people who justify their jobs by creating unnecessary, counter-productive, non-company work, forcing another employee to justify their jobs. The tail wagging the dog. Do your corporation a favor; cut your HR dept., and hire more productive employees who actually bring revenue to your company.

[shmeebegek1]

Liberal wet dream.

[tennisace360]

thats a lot of workers ;) !?

[chutterdude14]

@tennisace360 you better believe it

sim sim sala bim

[Heliosphan15]

i don't having a fucking clue what the president is ever doing, and man i'm happy! it would suck to stay up to date on infuriating bullshit all the time

[TheGayFishRules]

im voting for chuck norris next selection

[exactoman]

Heh, they misspelled "perseverance".

[drinkycrow67]

obama doing something?!?!? no...

[MadBadVoodo]

Obama Sucks! just sayen

[xav1uz]

HHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG­G

[PimpMyParadigm]

ANDREA bennets voice is perfect "never really gave a shit about what we did !!" what would u call it? informatively sarky? matter of factly ironic ???

[filipinopride4ever]

Sounds like my fucking school with all these "self evaluation forms" and Google docs! LOL

[wtfeveryonehasmyname]

lol trojan condom that disintengrates upon vaginal contact..

[ModernDayMinority13]

"Trojan introduces new 'his pleasure' condom that disintergrates upon vaginal contact" LMAOROTFLBTCSTCNDBFOOTWI FOAGWLLBGWTHROOTSAIAKBAYB

( Laughing my ass off rolling on the floor biting the carpet, scaring the cat, nearly dying by falling out of the window in front of a guy who looks like Bill Gates, who then horrified runs out on the street and is accidentally killed by a yellow bulldozer).

[TimeQueenofRome]

1:49 - There's a lot of space in Alaska to do a ropes course that fits 300 million people.

[berserkisbest]

I WILL rise above the current, thank you mr. president!

[samsmallvillefan13]

LOL never gave a shit what we did :P

[FattyFatterton]

I did not know the Euro was being backed up with Chucky cheese tokens...lol

[MuskratandRatman]

im starting to miss bush

[soulhunter4444]

@MuskratandRatman

Because he never gave a shit what we did.

[MuskratandRatman]

@soulhunter4444

Isn't that weird? People didn't like Bush because they said he didn't care about them, now people wish they had a president that would not care about what we do!

[idiotunderthetable]

"And then he told a long story about a woman who ran a marathon with prosthetic legs." haha I loled that

[Gaaabbbs]

"Never gave a shit what we did"

Ahauha! Hilarious! xDDDDDD

[KennethZuo]

it's funny to see you americans get mad then not realizing that all this is a joke

[XVXMrsPacmanXVX]

Its funny to see foreigners belive that they are much better than all americans

[BeforEvilsDemise]

it'd be funnier if it wasn't true

[fleskfan100]

@KennethZuo

I'm American and the Onion is hilarious.

[imTKA]

That's great! Have a cookie

[jackskellingtonsora]

Just to let you Conservatives know, it was actually Reagan's fault we have the deficit in the second place. First FDR had a deficit, but payed it back, but than Reagan felt the need to build up the army and thanks to him, we have a huge deficit. Clinton balanced the budget, but W Bush continued spending. So just know, it wasn't Obama or the liberal's faults that we are in the mess we're in.

[SLCThunk]

keep in mind when it comes to throwing around blame that both parties are culpable. It's not just the President, it's Congress too, and on top of that both parties as well as all of the Presidents you've mentioned (including Clinton and Obama) have pursued/are pursuing militaristic and incredibly expensive foreign policies

[jackskellingtonsora]

Yes they have, but Clinton did balance the budget, that's what I was talking about. And I didn't really talk about Obama because generally the conservatives are blaming Obama for the deficit and of course the recession, neither of which he is to blame for. I'm just trying to set the record straight.

[Soldat251]

@jackskellingtonsora

Blow it out your ass moron. Its everybodies fault.

Housing Crisis is clintos fault thanks to his sub prime mortgages to those who could not pay them and defaulted.

Bush spent like a mother fucker

FDR started all that Social Security and welfare bullshit that eats all out budget. he only could balance it because WWII made the US a fortune.

Fucking moron.

[tubbymanbat]

you are right

[MrEjzobeck]

I can see from your writing that you weren't able to attend school (or are dumb as a rock) b/c the governement spends all its money on stupid social programs.

[MrEjzobeck]

Jack, Jack, Jack. You need to invest a couple of bucks in a history book.

[jackskellingtonsora]

@MrEjzobeck

Oh but I already have read a history text book that told me what I said already.

[Bambiezbotron]

"he never gave a shit what we did"

boomheadshot

[southnyourmind]

rofl trojan introduces his pleasure condom.....LOL 51 seconds....

[TheGreencreeper]

lol true that for sure im with the 1 who dont give a shit what i do

[nnnnn15]

Hi guys, will everyone get an option to do the 1 on 1 or is it random?

[OnionTrollsAlliance]

"President Obama"? Hee hee! For those who are confused, this satire is poking fun at what would have happened had President McCain not been elected. Senator Obama is a technocrat and a wonk - this video brings to light how his inability to delegate would have had disastrous ramifications for the country.

[clankbot9]

0:50

omg a condom that disintegrates on vaginal contact?!

rofl i love the text at the bottom

[BlueFox284]

"Chukie E. Cheese moves to tie tokens to the Eruo"

Wtf. . .? LOL

[EuchridEucrow1]

"I'm not positive. I think he may have fired me. He was really vague."

LMAO!

[Aaron2071]

Yeah, without the rich there would be no poor-- no, I don't mean people wont be poor, I mean there wont be PEOPLE. :D A balanced society will always have wealthy and poor-- fortunately for America, we are able to raise ALL the standards, so our "poor" still receive medicine, food, and some shelter, whereas both the "poor" and "middle class" of some countries are without food, shelter, etc.

[PEEJONES]

true true. but without the poor there be no rich

[Aaron2071]

hmmm true. There will always be poor, though-- that is simply the way our unfortunate world works. :P Whether it be a bum who doesn't want to work or a single mom struggling to feed her 4 children by working 2 jobs.

[anewtrend]

That's 100% true dawg. Good thinking

[bloodypeasant13]

LOL, just like some jobs I've had, this onion captures corporate douche baggery perfectly.

[andrewl781]

the economic quarantine zone lol... i'm assuming she's referring everyone besides people on capitol hill and their cronies.

[clonecommanderfox1]

wtf capital hill is a nice naborhood!

[omnissient]

Do we have enough paranoia towards the government? Some might say yes, but they are part of the conspiracy.

[JasonsCabin1000]

"Always love your country, but never trust your government" Robert Novak.

[rubino83]

Good words, even though Novak is a spook-exposing traitor who's lucky he escaped the chair.

[kingricky71]

@JasonsCabin1000 a men

[mkmny2010]

@JasonsCabin1000 I would trust the government if the government ever decided to trust the the American people, but that will never happen.

[tennisace360]

@JasonsCabin1000 you said it, but never love your country just cause you were born in it. think before you speak my man.

people changin', times a rearragin'

long live juilien assange

anyone else wanna go at it!?

[clash360]

obama Is A Failure.

[TheLiberalssuckdick]

It's government who needs improvement, not the other way around.

[jayers2]

It's both the government and the people who need to improve. For instance the people who bought a house when they couldn't afford it and act suprised when they lose it. Or like you're name, we deffinately need to improve as a people. Americans aren't anywhere near perfect (like every other human being).

[SonicTheEggNog]

I'd rather have a 3 legged, retarded dog run this country than that fucking Obummer.

[grettypie]

cb7srule...your comment made me pee. hahahahaha

[StapleNinja0965]

EPIC WIN

[dadecountyhustler305]

@cb7srule I saw the punchline to your joke a mile away

[tennisace360]

@dadecountyhustler305 wait, who saw what?! chicken butt

[elk832]

@cb7srule

herp derp look at me I make fun of Bush im so edgy and cool hurr durr.

[oThePurpleSageo]

would you like bush back then?

[squidmanlol]

no, but isnt it possible to have someone good? its not one or the other...

[Tibby0]

Hell yeah

[foulbeershits]

wow, i didnt expect obamma to do something like that!

[vangk0]

La veish takome me leiano"

....?Poeki Poeki!!

[foulbeershits]

commo di rentini? je ne sais pas, quattro pro.

Extranto di sunami.

[vangk0]

....Luava Luava!!

[MythicMike89]

you know this is fake right?

[foulbeershits]

you know i was being sarcastic, right?

[Casanuda]

Is it sad that I did?

[foulbeershits]

haha nope

[pyroskier720]

It's because you're too stupid to realize that the Onion is a fake comedy news network. It's called "satire."

[foulbeershits]

i wont say this again. I was being sarcastic, i know its not real news its a joke. And yes i understand satire. God you fucking trolls piss me off

[Thisisthefuture100]

Actually, I think the republicans had created their own Zombies and their extreme ideologies have become so ingrained that a positive change like Obama is scary and so criticism becomes easy.

I dont think they are Obamazombies as much as they are Bushzombies.

[pyroskier720]

A positive change "thisisthefuture100"???? What has he changed??? All of his cabinet members are from the BILL CLINTON ADMINISTRATION!!!!! He really hasn't changed anything noticeable. And this whole healthcare plan is one more step to socialism. It's defeating hard work incentives and all means of supporting yourself. The only thing he's "Changed" is my views on him and his ethics.

[raptorkiller2k5]

I don't think Obama is a socialist. He is an individual who will back the interests of the dominant sectors of American society.

Saying that, what is wrong with socialism? The judicial system, military and police are government funded. Our damn economy is led by public funds.

The infrastructure in US wouldn't be possible without government involvement. The dynamic state sector, source of the vast majority of innovations, is public. The same goes to the manufacturing sector.

[pyroskier720]

I agree with that. But it seems like more and more of our lives are being controlled by the Government. And don't take me wrong, because i LOVE this country. America is the best. But i am pretty straight-line republican, but i do agree with some of the liberal views on things. But our country was founded on as little Gov't control as possible, and it seems like that is changing more and more.

[squidmanlol]

its really the whole "taxing the rich to give to the poor" that tends to label obama as a socialist, and that scares a lot of people, who have worked hard to become successful and are at risk of having their wealth "redistributed"

[ATHEISTIQ]

People can move to a lower taxation country.

When the wealthy leave, the jobs will leave, and the educated and intelligent will follow.

[squidmanlol]

exactly. taxing the rich and giving to the poor hurts everyone in the long run in a sort of trickle down way.

[tennisace360]

@ATHEISTIQ atheist. youre the filth.

long live adam smith and god and the mormon jesus

[chutterdude14]

@tennisace360 you mormon friend? ive seen better acting by a plastic bag

[jerdeb4evr]

I believe it is time for WE THE PEOPLE do a job analysis on Obama. My conclusion, inept to a level of incompetence. Unable to fulfill the simpliest tasks related to his job and technically unfit to hold the security clearance required for the job. Suggest immediate TERMINATION of duties. Without notice, without pay and without recommendation.

[jerdeb4evr]

Obamazombies everywhere how so we eliminate them. More important how do we shut them up. It is like a full time on going pizza hut commercial

[YouDoobed]

Tell them to watch the Obama Deception and wake the hell up. He's just a front man for foreign bankers.

[ZebZachary]

the anchorwoman is foxy

[jackthayer]

i love the music at the begning ^_^

[nyckillaheat]

this is only a joke ppl get over it.

and no this is not real

[iLuvMatthewMacfadyen]

its not real there just making fun

[clairebreedlove26]

stupid ad

[Lulu4Him]

taking away our freedoms bit by bit

[sorayacheryl]

Love it! Keep them coming1

[CptReed]

obama only been in office less than a year what do you all expect from him hes not a super hero

[Silencer789]

sure he isnt...he said himself that he was from krypton

[HugeHeroesFan]

LOL

He never gave a shit what we did ROFLZ

[News4usall]

I think the pres could use the review right about now.

the dude is losing it.

[bok255]

that dude even looked like Robert Gibbs

[DRUNKCANADIAN]

LoL Bush was an American Hero for what he has done, as displayed by the quote in the end :P

[bf2slim]

rofl the old preseident never gave a shit of what we did

[classicrockandcars]

ROFL

[ahizimd]

check out the bottom. A disintegrating condom

[1243613]

lmao "Hero stops prevents 600 crimes by setting deadly trailer park fire" LMAO

[ukendcx2000]

onion may have topped themselves this time ...

[ukendcx2000]

i love the black cop did anyone else get that joke?

[patchesSD]

i didnt get it

[classicrockandcars]

no???

[TTEProductions]

i love the onion!

[afield1986]

lol micro managing America must be tough

[takebackaim16]

disintegrating condoms ROFL!!!

[88mrweaver]

this 1 wasnt as good, but the news feed at the bottom was hilarious

[Zanna6197791]

Oh, goodness look at this argument lol. Can't we all just get along like the bunch of patriotic, uneducated American slobs we're perceived as?

[News4usall]

the old pres quote "never gave a shit what we did"

priceless. and I was glad he didn't.

[rewhing]

I don't have anything against Obama in particular, it's the entire government that needs to be reformed. Honestly, we're apparantly supposed to believe that if we spend another trillion dollars we'll somehow make up for the 11 trillion we already don't have. Unemployment rates are up because more and more people are choosing to live the way they do. I'm sure that most loss of jobs occur because of small businesses losing money a la Obama.

[simpplyamazing]

i agree

[pdiblindfish96]

I dunno.. I hope obama does well.. bush certainly didn't.

[ryanjm]

I want the fish poster. LOL.

[33dgtp]

just humour...brilliant classic comedy

[ShardedFire]

well.....better than selln nukes n shit

[MrDiofree]

LoL you Obama-haters are morons.

[Rightwing123123]

you Obama-supporters are morons.

[MrDiofree]

LoL. Well said. You are clearly about as smart as the average Obama basher. Its quite comical really, theres probably never been a group in history with such a low average IQ than the one you belong to.

[freterollai]

well said

[GodAthie]

obama bashers may not be the smartest .. but they live in the real world and know the real values america was built on.. big government is not the way to go infact i dont see how anyone could trust the govenment with everything i don't hate obama i just hate all he stands for

[MrDiofree]

I'm confused, what were the value America was built on? I didn't realize it was imperialism, fear mongering and corruption. I have to disagree that these are the people who live in the "real world". At least I HOPE this isn't the case. Bush was out of touch with the modern world, his blind followers are similarly "outdated", if not worse.

[GodAthie]

america was built on capitalistic and individual family and community values. everyone needed to make it on thier own and we have the idea no the spirtit in america that makes allows people to do what they want as long as they have the capital and apitude. Obama doesnt stand for that he leans towards progressives which is what he calls himself and progressives beileve only in big business and everyone has their class and can't get out of it... that is what obama preaches basically

[jetsam50000]

Well duh! he was born in Kenya.

[MrDiofree]

I'm sorry, have you even looked at Obama's story? You think he believes in that despite everything he has done to rise to his current position? If anyone represented "big business", "corporate America" and a stratified society, it was Bush. Don't you see you are being fooled by your right-wing sources? Please don't buy the tired rhetoric of the "American dream" that continues to delude Americans into thinking their country is somehow more "advanced" than the rest of the world.

[AarenCreed]

Don't you see that Obama is fucking up majorly.....

[GodAthie]

yeah american not advanced? were the richest country in the world!! apparently we did somthing right hmm

see you are misstaken obama does represent "big bussiness" progressives beleve that "only big bussiness matters" and that all competition should be rid of by the government.. its what progressives beileve look it up .. they also liek the idea of sterilizing the poor so "they dont' cover the earth with stupit babies" stuff like that progessives will destroy this country and make it europe

[bergis81]

"progessives will destroy this country and make it europe "

Perhaps then you can get everyone of your citizens an education and improve your literacy rate.

[MrDiofree]

LOL thank you Bergis, and you forgot healthcare! I don't know what reality GodAthie even lives in. America the richest country in the world? Are you stupid? All its money is borrowed, most of it from China. Sterilizing the poor? Last time I checked Hitler wasn't in power in Europe. Again you outline what you "believe" a progressive is and associate this view with Obama, but you again provide no evidence that such a link even exists.

[MrDiofree]

A little more education for you, the US is currently the greatest debtor nation in the world. Put simply, it has immense foreign obligations (debt). The greatest obligations are owed to China, for around $739.6 BILLION. Total foreign debt is upwards of $3 TRILLION.

[winofish]

It's more like 10 trillion.

[MrDiofree]

I'm just talking foreign debt, i think 10B is total debt, but I could be wrong.

[METALMAN4Wii]

Take that number and times it by a thousand counting the iraq war !

[Arstim]

@MrDiofree

10billion is total debt of countries in West-Europe with the size of the state Maine. Total debt of the USA is 13,773,5 Billion dollars. Or 13,7 trillion dollars if you like it better.

[D35J4RD1N5]

if every year of the universe was worth 1000 dollars, it would fill the US deficit

[cgjohnst]

It's actually much higher to china due to the failure "stimulus package".

[graphicfood]

GodAthie: Yeah American not advanced? Clearly not advanced enough to spell proper.

[GodAthie]

ya see laddie its the systems failure

I LIVE IN THE STATE WITH THE 49TH WORST DROP OUT RATE!!!

how the hell did we looste to mississippi <:

and even the smartest people lack in somthing and spelling and grammar is mine

[BlurbFish]

Ehm, so you blame the state you are living in for your own failures?

Have a cry-cracker!

[GodAthie]

was making a bit of a joke really i am an A average student ^_^ i just love to blame govenment for EVERYTHING if everyone did that i beileve the govenment would fear us like they susposed to

[cgjohnst]

Properly. If you can't even use correct grammar, don't try to correct others.

[BenjaminKatzVideos]

It takes guts for RightWing123 to offer his unbiased opinion, give him some credit!

Now wheres the sarcasm mark on the keyboard again? Crap I can never find that thing.

[tomthefunky]

The Onion is soooo soft on this prick.

[OxbowisaMstie]

quote never gave a shit what we did XD

[HESIGN]

Fucking Classic!!

[pythos82]

I'll take a president who doesn't give a shit what people do any day over what we have now.

Remember during the swine flu crap when in a press conference Barry told everyone to make sure they was their hands? Please.

[Denta92]

Well, washing your hands is pretty essential for fighting spreading diseases. You know why we are so many people on the planet now, as opposed to 200+ years ago? Better hygiene.

[tommykaji]

obama all the way!

[kevkevinkev]

OMG! how can the president meet with everyone in the country? That makes no sense! OMG!

/sarcasm

[gamedude51]

I dont get it

[CPLBSS88]

i feel for the sorry soul thats never heard of THE ONION!

[DEATHBYFLYINGCDS]

Just another reason to love Wisconsin, the home of The Onion, heck our state capital has free onion newspapers available all over the place.

[eljitto]

Thats AWESOME

[DEATHBYFLYINGCDS]

Yep and if you get bored after reading all of them they have advertisements for stripclubs in the area.

[eljitto]

HAHA, thats effing awesome.

[masterthibbard]

lol

[dogspawn]

Fake

[wolfgoblin]

It's comedy, dumbass.