Michael Describes Pornography, Episode 1

[ReeLee]

Am I masturbating to Michael Swaim or his description of the porn?

[MaxXimumPain]

@ReeLee Why not have both?

[SillyIrishPenguin]

Mmmm. Sexy, sexy internal combustion engines...

[DJBludLust]

I heard a comedian say this is what porn for blind people is like, but I don't know how accurate that is.

[djslurch]

I found this hard to masturba...oh, fuck it. Never mind!

[Askme812009]

The tides of history, the Great Gatsby, thats what we're talking about here.

[TheAwesomeGear]

I am totally flacid now, thanks for trying...

[hailMichaelSwaim]

Wow, I have never heard Linkin Park in that way before...O_o.

First time I will ever associate Linkin Park with anything remotely awesome!

[MamdoMan]

clit

[Kozelek95]

WHAT IS THE PLOT???

[EpicBeard815]

A great orgasm to you to Michael

[girlontheinternets]

Girl boner....oops, lady jizzed.

[ShtikMahn]

"And then you'll masturbate."

Hell yeah I will. (Did, whatever.)

[TrolleyPower]

Is it weird that I got a boner?

[dahMusicDude]

Comedy at it's very, very best. Michael Swaim, you impress me.

[CrzyEX]

Swaim, YOU'RE A FUCKIN GENIUS!

[Xigano1]

This is even hotter than telegraph sex !

[angryDAnerd]

fap fap fap

[batmanalk]

Only with Swaim can you get pornography and a Fitz Gerald reference.

[xXSaintproductionsXx]

This is comedy genius

[EstanBulLoFre]

Pornography is anything you look at while masturbating.

Your bedroom ceiling, for instance.

[btron1234]

thanks mick, that was a really fun session. got the old imagination working again

[IlkenGirth]

Of course! I get it now!

The reason why there is a vagina exam in the suggestions is because this is equally as awkward as watching someone get a vagina exam. However, that didn't prevent me on clicking on both of these videos. :[ Why... why do I make stupid decisions? Don't answer that >_>

[SaraSoandSo]

@theenchantedtiara I call it a 'lady boner'...and this gave me one too.

[c4r50n1]

Best fap material on the internet!! This is by far the weirdest thing I have ever fapped to.

[AreaCode000]

Pure comedic genius, epic in its unenthusiastic ridiculousness. I commend you sir.

[Pellefather]

YES dude!

[WetKant]

FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP­FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP­FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP­FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP­FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP­FAPFAP

[rcon1012]

Swaim lives in an empty room. just like his soul... that was some good masterbating though

[eliteterminolog]

Nice I think shes a gud singa i luv listenin 2 LOVE GAME - Naked Lady Gaga. C000M -

[TruFriedShoes]

There should be more of this.

[sanninjiraiya]

HAHA This is hilarious! ROTFM

[whoisalexhong]

"We've got a, a woman. A, red-headed woman. She is topless, so there are uhh.. boobs."

Totes masturbating right now.

[KlalleG]

do more

[SCUBONZIES]

cream gross now clean it up like a good boy michael

[8DarkSideOfTheMoon8]

I love you Michael.

[Mightysquire]

I came.

[DrGoose213]

Please make more

[TwangyBucket]

Dr Sr Miguel your Precious-tale-hope-perseveranc­e-vampire-sex link is down and is quite good, please ask cracked to restore it or realease it on youtube, thanks

Raymundo

[BarbedBiohazard]

Slinging

Wang

Always

Interested in

Masturbating

Sorry I couldn't resist. This video is really funny.

[Hamtaro45]

l

m

a

o

[TouchDownCelebration]

relentlesly going back in

[MissLydiaBro]

That was almost a mad lib.

Original: "I hope you have a good day."

Mike: "I hope you have a good orgasm."

Great detail, though. Unfortunately, I do not have the ability to fap due to the fact that I have a vagina and not a penis, but your strangely enjoyable monotonous monologue ("double-mon") really made my day.

[nomyek200]

^^^ I fap to this ^^^

[BitComStudios]

i love the monotone and general apathy. it makes it that much funnier

[hamsterbobo1234]

I'm a little behind the curve on this video but thank you for making something creative and funny to help counter all the "Fred" shit all over this mostly terrible website.

[BGH122]

Oh Michael, your face is fap-worthy enough for me.

[WetKant]

aw crap, now I need a new keyboard

[Dopey1904]

Great fapping material. Thanks bro.

[whatshisface371]

only swaim could relate porn to the great gatsby

[jackstorm777]

Oh, God, too many portal references.

"It just-it just goes on forever." LOL!!

[stuffedpants1]

And then......and then you'll masturbate.

[mrjimmyos]

This is classic :D

[uggy3456]

You're a genius.

[anonbehell]

Fap fap fap

[kjbenigma]

That's probably the most arousing thing I've ever seen in my life.

[braindeadbonobo]

I CAME

[drizztdourden]

ROFL

[zzslayr]

is this freetube

[urbittergdbye89]

ahahahahaha

[An1mePhreak]

The porn is a lie

[uum6]

NO! The CAKE is a lie!

[Cobramullet16]

good one lol

[holybobstaff123]

Argh... too many... Portal references... on internet... mind can't take it... AAAAAAAAAAAAAA (Head explodes all over computer screen)

[SilverGunZoO]

I still didn't get it where is that damn cake in the game :D

[uum6]

"The Cake is a Lie" is scribbled on the walls of some areas of the game.

I don't really get the humor of it, but who cares? :-P

[SilverGunZoO]

Yea I never understood that too, hmm, but is kinda funny though

[thot4]

It just means that the goals you work towards are falsehoods and don't exist.

[TheReasonWhyGuy]

LULZ

[intindse]

LOL

[Rockyface]

theres like explosions....

[jessejointabe]

hahahaha this is awesome

[EdwardWasAVampire]

inches and inches...

i will make glorious crack-fueled love to you michael swaim. JUST YOU WAIT.

[bundleHastings]

hilarious!

[theenchantedtiara]

You're so good at this.

I totally have a boner right now . . . and I'm a GIRL.

[stickywister]

@theenchantedtiara

im really curious to know how that works

[UndeadFatality]

@theenchantedtiara Uggghh -_-

[IDoog]

that was hard to masturbate to

[XshaunixX]

LMAO!

[voodoothng]

Thats nice...Debra Messing.

[compassionftb]

hes a tough customer

[ACloutierProductions]

Inches and inches...

[flavnyc]

"like tides of history", LOL

[chrissi285]

haha debra messing!!

[RAPINGCAT]

LOL!!! OMFG!! I GOT A FRECKING BONER!!

[fxkmehxrder]

ahh...

explosions...

this guy is amazing.

[linhphoma]

ahaha, that actually made my penis limp

[ThoseArentMuskets]

Meaning it was hard when you started watching?

[linhphoma]

if i may quote the kool-aid man, "ohh yeahhh" but this is all hypothetical since I don't really have a penis. :(

[stickywister]

@ThoseArentMuskets

oh snap

[shittyfagg]

@ThoseArentMuskets hahaa!

[GamerKiwi]

@ThoseArentMuskets Why wouldn't it?

[ComicJunkie87]

Wow this is just so funny. His word choices are hilarious "Things are clickin along!" "Inches and inches" God it's hilarious

[wgoco]

Okay, dude...I watched this seventeen times and COULD NOT get off...even snorted 2 crushed up Viagra on 15th time...r u gay or something??? Or am I missing something...

[08skiing]

wow dude ur a fuckin idiot i hope ur being sarcastic, its supposed to be a joke

[wgoco]

08skiingdude....ur on to something here dude...this could well be a joke...thanks for letting us all know.

[NibOswald]

Subbed, bitch. Hilarious.

[Mandeemma44]

suppose to be boring, that's why it is funny.

[TheBluelightRomance]

1:14.

Commence the masturbation.

[katzeny]

boring boring boooooring!!!

[seymorefrye]

Classic!

[bjalvors]

lol, ridiculus but funny

[ahahaimnot18]

lol this is fucking hilarious!