A HellfireComms Dramatic reading - My Immortal [Chapter 9]

[fearthefurby]

I'd love it if I could download these as a podcast to listen to on my journies to uni :D

[LetskilltonightxX]

Why can't Christians and Satanists get along?

[eternalobliviox71]

Stop Flamings: 6

0:23 Why is everyone a fucking satanist? Creative liberties have a limit, you dumb bitch!

0:41 Simply stunning description! 'And everything', what a work of art!

0:53 Wait, didn't Voldemort next to NEVER show his face in the books, let alone in person? Why is he suddenly fine with going into a forest spitting distance from Hogwarts?

1:03 World's most evil wizard, everyone.

1:33 His best argument is a video game cliche? 'But thou must'?

1:46 And you've used it so much before.

[ClimbingGrl]

I'm crying. Literally. God, I love this!

[pokeplat]

How does having telekinesis help you read peoples minds?

[TheInkySea]

He had no nose like Voldemort.....AND IT WAS VOLDEMORT!

[EatingVampires]

Crookshanks?

Isn't that the name of Hermione's cat? o.o

[polyxenophile]

I love how you just try to soldier through it even after you crack up within the first two minutes (though, before this, I didn't think it was possible to read the "I hath telekenesis" line without dying, so kudos for your survival)

[KyoXAnskima]

Even the narrator had to laugh XD

[clanoftheraven]

I did not cheat her! It's not true!  It's bullshit! I did not cheat her! I did NAAAAHHHHT! Oh hai Voldemort.

[PolarisGrace]

@clanoftheraven ---> You've just made my day with that comment.

[bewarethehair]

If you call this a story, you give the ancient art of storytelling every STD known to man. To say it has a plot gives English AIDS.

[fuzluv95]

Voldemort with a "dude-ur-so-retarded" look on his face... I haven't laughed this hard in quite a while!

[ArcticFoxKit]

I had a "dude-ur-so-retarded" look on my face the entire time I read it....

[KillJoyRD]

'I HAVE TELEKINESIS!"

[StarKittenNyan]

"'Crookshanks' I shouted and Voldemort fell off his broom..."

...

...

...Wait, WHAT?!

[ugg76]

"I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes...."

[MarauderGirlMoony]

She lost her virginity, I mean virility, in a forest against a tree...what a slut...

[xNikkaX3]

I like that Crookshanks is a spell.

Time to run around town and yell that at people.

[AnimeAliceG]

how can they walk and make out at the same time?

[LKteenroyalty]

"kind of like a pentagram (geddit) ...'meh' "

[Eeptog]

Wait John madden? Please tell ne I heard that wrong

[Pooky1991]

Apparently Goth is anyone who wears black (usually this is true), worship satan or some other dark deity (sound more like Wtches or Wicken), loves to cut themselves, hate preps, hate thier lives even when there life is good (sound more like the emo steriotype), and love to drink bloodXD Wow. I wonder if the actual goths who read Ms. Taras definition actually share her views. Probably not.

[xxXMoonXChildXxx]

@Pooky1991 Not to be rude, but Witches or Wiccans don't worship satan. It is a pagan religion, but they aren't satanists.

[Faren22]

I wish that I hath telekineses so that I could see exactly what the hell was going through her head when she wrote this.

[Benoka]

Why is Voldemort using olde English?

[kmbloomy]

i want to know why Voldemort is saying "thou" and such...

[datboibigz]

wow there must must a serious drug problem on campus everyone has red eyes

[Dfive7s]

''Then all of a suddenly, a horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me''

That part made me LOL

[GreatNegus]

Voldemort:I HATH TELEKINESIS!!!!!!!!!

Ebony:I HATH A CAT!!!!!

[akiugn]

"I HAVE TELEKINESIS!"

"Pentagram, get it? uh..."

Win =D

[softcelltainted22]

voldemort got a "dude you are so retarded look on his face"

ahahahahhahaahahhahahahahahahh­ahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhah­ahahahahahhahahahahahahaahahha­hahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!­!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!!!!! holy shit this is sooooooo horrible

[datboibigz]

@softcelltainted22 that must have been real life

[PrincezzMeechie]

I laughed the hardest at that exact part. Well, that part and that entire time when Voldemort was speaking. When did he get a broom and WHEN did Crookshanks become a spell???

[Maavlet]

The best parts are when the person reading can't even do it without laughing.

[TheVodkaHaze]

CROOKSHANKS

A cat jumps from thin air and attacks Voldemort on a broomstick? Win.

[RaustBD]

"and no nose and everything"

Right, I totally know what accompanies having no nose.

[softcelltainted22]

@RaustBD you're brilliant LOL

[BlazingPhoenixX]

This is my favorite chapter yet.

[Blacksun388]

Voldemort wants enoby to pop a cap in Vampires' ass. Why didn't JK think of THAT before. Screw magic, I GOT A GUN!!! *BANG BANG BANG* *Dead*

[RaustBD]

I immediately thought of potter puppet pals.

[MyTF2RootBeer78]

Yes...wizard agnst is a bitch to deal with...

[RaustBD]

no, i mean the "okay, SHOOT HIM!" bit of trouble at hogwarts.

[UndergroundComms]

Gravity Cat NOT AMUSED.

[DatzAmoray]

"Voldemort got a "Dude, you're so retarded" look on his face."

[zanzibarwilliams]

@DatzAmoray the greatest part is that she spells it "dude-ur-so-retarded"...hyphen­s and everything.

[Reyson129]

I love it when he laughs while reading that.

[nofishhere4]

"HE HAD NO NOSE LIKE VALTAMORT IN THE MOVIE.... IT WAS VOLTAMORT" lol

[Muffyfluffles]

"Crookshanks!" I yelled.

He then proceeded to claw a Voldemort's face, even though there was no nose there.

[slamaplaya]

Why is the villan the only person not goffilk

[SeelinCat]

@slamaplaya he's not, don't forget about britney, the fucking prep ;)

[viatoretvenus]

He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **self inserted groan** between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

Heart attacks abound from reading this fanfic... how do you do it?? xD

[PanicMeCiara]

xD i love when he starts laughing while reading. lmao.

[TPishek]

CROOKSHANKS!!! lmfao

[teababe27]

LMAO @ the intro.

[animaghimire101]

Crookshanks???

[iamnotapie]

"like Voldemort in the movie..... It was Voldemort!"

[Blacksun388]

Telekinesis = ability to move things with your mind.

Telepathy = read thoughts.

you fail science

Satanist = people who worship satan.

Sadist = close involved with satanist but not. Like seeing people in pain.

You fail grammar.

You+Authorship= x / 0.

You fail in writing.

This story = pure lulz, grins, and suck.

you fail at life so stop living.

[Blacksun388]

when did voldie start speaking shakespearian english?

[polyxenophile]

@Blacksun388 The worst part is that she can't even write in decent modern English (even taking chatspeak into consideration) and she finds the need to spice it up with some thys, thous, a doth, and a hath.

[DaBigmac824]

RIiiiiight you felt bad for him eventhough your sadist

Why did she stop attacking in the first place

[WerewolvesLoveMCR]

This fic makes me embarrased to be human. D:

[FragmentedAngels]

CROOKSHANKS!

One is a painful curse, the other is Hermione's cat.

A bit different, no?

[41F]

Not really, when you think about it.

[Hells666singer]

@FragmentedAngels

I dunno, Crookshanks would be pretty pissed if he was thrown at someone, that could hurt.

[yunacaycaythesecond]

Man I bet this guy just cracks up at the end and laughs for like hours before he can do the next chapter. I know I would.

[msdramaqueeny]

"Voldemort got a dude 'Dude your so retarded' look on his face.

" I have telekinesis!"

WTH? Wow, this is just so interesting. Next we'll meet a deaf 'goth' that believes it can't see.

[candicurl]

"Get it?" eh

I lol'd

[Floyd5642]

"I felt bad for him even though I'm a Satanist."

Oh wow.

[cyclocius]

CROOOKSHANKS!

[soraoftheevilgrin]

I think I missed something. Harry is now called Vampire?

[judgeofdchaos]

Yeah, apparantly he likes the taste of blood or something

[macready84464]

"I HATH TELEKINESIS!!" i love how you could barely get through it.

[angelgirl1992]

"Snape is christian and vampire is a satainist." xD She does realieses that JK Rowling is a christian right?

[UniqueeSkull]

It's even funnier when you listen AND read.

I always lol at "CROOKSHANKS!"

[Spirits589]

Hearing this makes my brain feel like when I accidentally catch a clip of The Hills...

[julia5304]

Crookshanks! I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though Im a sadist so I stopped.

WTF!!!???

[gamemasterrusty]

so, she cast a cat at Voldemort?

[Hells666singer]

She stole Hermione's cat and threw him for no reason...

...I wish I could throw a cat at her for writing this, a big, fat, rabid cat...

[LightEffexor]

So Voldemort is a Shakspearean actor now?

XD

[xGrensenx]

I would be dead right now if someone didn't swap my cyanide pills with marshmallows =( life is cruel.

[MrMetalloidMan]

wait, this fan fic writer didnt read the books? oh god...

[QJD1381]

i can't make 2 cents of this.

[TheAnimeCommentor]

no one can

[Protectorett]

I had to pause after the voldemort part and play it back to make sure i heard it right. WHY IS VOLDEMORT GIVING A RANDOM VAMPIRE A GUN?! AND WHY HAS HARRY BECOME A BISEXUAL GOTHIC VAMPIRE?!?! WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?!?! Oh this is just terrible...I need to get my hands on some cyanide pills fast...

[fara40000]

i got a whole suitcase full right here *opens* i've been taking one each chapter ever since this all started O.o

[Protectorett]

Got any to spare?

[fara40000]

yep. *gives suitcase*

[Protectorett]

Hoorays!

[puddlemonster15]

thank you for busting out laughing in the middle of this. that made my day.

[ahshorn]

So did time pass or something, because it says Draco cheated on her with Harry. It isn't cheating if they weren't in a relationship at the time.

[jomamasofat1]

"CROOKSHANKS!"

Suddenly, a cat jumped out of nowhere and onto Voldemort's face.

Epic win?

[darkfire158]

No, it's epic fail that's so bad that it circles around and becomes epic win.

[quickstring]

Only to circle back and fail again

[darkfire158]

I didn't say that because I honestly didn't think it was possible, but I was proven wrong.

[Samothedesert]

So is "Vampire" Harry? and does that mean that drako and Harry went out together :S????? huh?

[knux12346]

She FAIL at the spells

[legeul]

WTF!? Voldemort is Silver o.0.....i am sure that was what NTom was thinking when he said « I have Teleknises» (spelling plz).

[TheGameTerminator]

"CROOKSHANKS!"

Holy shit, I think I've lost my mind.

[TriTwingTwang]

I HALF TELEKENIS

LOL

[HelloTakun]

Dude, she's so retarded. Thou Must be able to telleth! I also love how in depth her and Draco's conversations are LOL "Hi." " Hi." -fucks-

[LordFeckington666]

This girl doesn't know what a Satanist is, does she?

[bann60]

in real life their creepy this girls retarded

[bunnialchemistmeep]

she doesn't know MANY, MAAAAAAAAAANYYYY things.

[JFMello1116]

Doesn't quite know what a Christian is, either. Or... anything, really...

[TheGameTerminator]

O_O

"CROOKSHANKS!!1!!!"

Holy frakking shit, this is so retarded it's EPIC.

And, since when does Voldemort speak like he's Shakespeare?

"I HAVE TELEKINESIS!"

[UchihaByakuya]

Wait, when did "Crucio" get substituted for "Crookshanks" of all things? =p

[maia4825]

@UchihaByakuya meow! meow! MEOWWWW!!! *scratch* *scratch* *scratch*

[Hells666singer]

@UchihaByakuya

Because throwing Hermione's pissed off cat at someone is also an effective form of torture.

[ilovemockingbirds121]

i love how nTom reads it exactly with all the ridiculous grammatical errors which enhances its stupidity hahahaha

[LizzyBlogger]

Hehe did you make this it rules?? =]

[metrostationjunkie]

a gun? im no wizard/witch but im not so sure that a gun would do much good...

[Oriohalcon]

That's psychokinesis not telekinesis.

[danieldb631]

She picked up a wepon and fired bolets out of teh gun really fastly.

[Lewrawen]

How do I do a dude-you're-so-retarded face?

[HeartlessZer0]

omg a gun?! XD

[metrostationjunkie]

wait... when did voldemort come from 15th century england?

[mylightside]

oh there is yaoi in this story as well? brilliant.

[metrostationjunkie]

wat the hell... does dumbeldore always have a headache?

[Hells666singer]

Because he's in this story.

[BopthatCherry]

Crookshanks? That's the cat! OMG! This is so hilarious!

[seanfulldark]

Just because it's based from the movies doesn't mean a thing, B#%@! In thank you for stating the obvious, but you really need to work on your vampire!!!!!!!! I'm not opening my fan fiction and count for this girl! I smell a two per coming on, or more! Prepare for a lot of comments.

[seanfulldark]

I hate her, go Voldemort!(I never thought would say this in a billion years, but I guess one thing at the change!) Okay one, why the hell would Voldemort give her a gun! hello the curse that killed, his parents, or there are other ways to kill a person, with magic! Dumb dumb. Telekinesis it is the same as mine reading you nitwit! Somebody please tell her to look it up in the dictionary!

[tish733]

ALL OF A SUDDENLY

[JinaFoxDemon]

How can you walk while making out?

[inubleach1012]

A FUCKING BROOM! REALLY! And by the way how is the cat supposed to kill Voldemort? Now I am just imagining Crookshanks mauling ole' voldy's face to shreds. It is also difficult to see him with a gun. John Madden again? Does she realize he's like...60?

[Oriohalcon]

Joel Madden, not John Madden.

[completelyrandomcrap]

What about John Madden? lol

[Omgausername6]

cos voldemort fucking carries around a gun cos hes a gangter, thats why he talks in king james english...I HATH TELEKENISIS

[RageX246]

I never knew Voldemort was victorian. Crap you're not suposed to say his name... forgot...

Well least I didn't say candle jack's na

[mrwadlle665]

all da boox

i hath telekinesis

:D

[ToshiyaRoxMySox]

Crookshanks!

;]] I hath Telekinesis!

5/5

[NecroKath]

and somehow spelt correctly O_o

[aura12]

A few things:

1. If wizards can use guns, then why do they need wands? Btw, I'm pretty sure that Voldemort wouldn't touch a gun.

2.The writer REALLY needs to reads to use Microsoft Word or OpenOffice

3. Since when is Harry a Christian?

4. I'm confused

[Sircatnipman]

"Voldemort gave me a gun."

WHAT!!!

[Screamersmetal]

"I hath telekinesis!"

[Screamersmetal]

Tom is must be one hell of a masochistic

[smileysarah94]

lmao 'it looks like voldermort from the movie...it is voldermort!'

also isn't chrookshanks hermione's cat? lol i'm not quite sure where she was going with that lol

[aura12]

I think she meant Crucio. But how the hell she confused those two is beyond me.

[TheUnwillingVessel]

i want to murder this girl just for writing this one chapter.

[Virus465]

He looked just like Voldemort from the movie...It was VOLDEMORT!!!

WTF??? If it's voldemort why do you have to tell us it looks like voldemort?

[BlizzardOfTheCoast]

HAHAHA, OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.

I can't breathe

[ShadowGuyX22]

Lmao. Crookshanks? She threw a cat at him? xD

[Beechmiester90]

Wow they have magic and telekenesis and he gives her a gun O_o

[wolfman678]

Maybe it's a magic gun!

[Beechmiester90]

Lol what would be the point it already dose what its needed for.

[Crossfingers]

lol "His face looks just like John Madden"

[XRoihuX]

"Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was...... Voldemort!"

Sorry for posting that, but it made me crack up. Why? Simply why?

[ChibiSoma]

So Riddle's just jonesing around ON A BROOM in the Forbidden Forest, waiting for some stroppy gothic wench to come storming in?! *headclutch*

[Randomtigress]

I HATH TELEKINESIS!

[XxChizuruxX]

And his SEXAY eyes. xD Great stuff here.

[Chosenoneknuckles]

God I wonder how many ppl commited suicide from readin' this garbage, I know I'm nearing that point.

Must.. regain.. SANITY! Lolll

[Theinvisiblegopher]

TAT'S TELEKENIS EBONY

[Mikeg993]

'Thou must??' Voldemort is now Victorian???

O-0

[Smedwicks]

I love when you started cracking up. Not so dramatic of a reading now, huh Tom?

[scooby3219]

Tom is gonna suicide from how crazy this story is xD

[superbacon321]

-.- plz dont do 30 chapters of this xD

[cdmanjak]

o.O

[evilwakka]

I HATH TELEKINESIS! XD I can't believe you can read most of this crap so seriously.

[PancorRath]

no better! "use a gun in a magic school to kill a guy who has magic and can do a bunch of crap to stop a bullet" that makes alot of sense. or the "looks like Voldamort and is named Voldamort" thing...wtf? is this a fanfic or joke? NTom almost laughed, he must stop!

[WingedDestroyer]

And I thought Sonic fangirls needed to get laid...

This is just fucking funny!

[robinvan1983]

THIS IS EPIC!!! i want to hear all chapters

[LxG32]

this is the bigest crock of shee ite ive evr hurd lol

[gorillaz49]

tom, this fanfick is terrible....how did u manage to read through it and not laugh the entire time....

[FrostPegasus]

He was wearing white fondation and messy eyeliner - wait, WHAT?!

[DIZZYZAP478]

I wonder if Toms head would explode by the end of this hilarity?

[gamemasterrusty]

the author of this fanfic is obviously a depressed, gothic, retarded 12 year old.

[xemnasishot]

OMG tom are you going to read all of this story??? Its so long and BAD.

omg the "dude your so retarded" line ROTFL.

[Gamerdrive]

44 chapters long? This is gonna be fun!

[jakebonne]

wait,they have guns in hogwarts?then whats the point on having a wand?

[Kitchinsink3]

Voldemort has telekinesis? Wait, isn't telekinesis the ability to move things with your mind? Psychokinesis is the one that can read minds, isn't it? The author of this story is an imbocile.

[ddgafd]

I think your right. But it might be telepathy.