Added: 4 years ago
From: U2bianSynic
Views: 18,668
Sort by time | Sort by thread (beta)

Link to this comment:

Share to:

All Comments (67)

Sign In or Sign Up now to post a comment!
  • Someone once said it is not what happens to us in life that should shape who we are but the way we deal with it, So keep the good memories and all the love close in your heart and smile and laugh often, let the bad go and move on.....much love an abuse surviver, and smiling warrior

  • This makes me cry. .But not in a bad way, Brings back those memories i had of my old boyfriend` We were together since 3rd grade. .we were together for 5 years. .till 8th grade, He purposed to me and said he wanted to marry me wen we graduate. .Then. .a week later` this is true. .me and him were drivin his motorcycle, and a car came rushing fast. .and we crashed` after we were hit, my leg was broken` and crawled over to him. .he looked at me and said "i love you. ." and he died. .r.i.p Andrew S.

  • Loss, pain, sorrow and brokenness is how i feel since my boyfriend passed away .. i'm trying to convince myself to let go and move on ..

    Anyways this is very beautiful .. so touching ..

    I am indeed very sorry for your loss ..

    yes you have a beautiful and an amazing soul .. don't forget that

  • What song is this and by who?

  • amazing work!

  • @Guitaristmom Thanks Lillian. Every time someone comments, I get drawn back to this and watch it again- and I'm so grateful because it reminds me of where I was and where I am now, but more importantly it brings home where my nephew is right now, which is a really good place.

    Thanks for that.

  • Wow. Ugh. I understand you a lot more now. God bless you and your nephew.

  • @Sportsguy574 Thanks- my nephew's doing great, by the way :o)

  • @SydTheSkeptic I am glad! I am not surprised however since he has been under your wing. ;) You would have been a wonderful mother!

  • Very profound. You think deeply, feel deeply and love deeply. What a blessing you are to yourself and others.

  • @Guitaristmom I'm glad you connected with this- it's one of the most personal things I've ever put out here. Feels scary even now...

  • @SydTheSkeptic Please keep sharing. it's like air we breathe in and out. Your choice to be real helps those of us who are trying to do the same thing. Maybe those very expressions of trying to find a genuine healing will happen in other lives. I am on this journey to be real. In some areas, life has been scarring to me. I am a clergy abuse survivor. So I appreciate your work. Keep up the genuine expression of your visual art.

  • I'm considering making one of these for my aunt that committed suicide and was wondering if I could use the same song. I'd give you credit for sure if I did but yeah. I didn't wanna use it without your permission. Anyway God bless!

  • holy cow, Jennifer! I'm just now reading your messages from four months ago! I don't know how I missed those, but THANK YOU for sharing that part of yourself...Loss is such a deeply personal experience.

    I'm so sorry about your aunt. I think no matter what anyone says, we'll always play that woulda-coulda-shoulda game, ya know? Maybe at some point, we'll forgive ourselves for being human...

  • This is one of my favorite vids, even though it makes me feel vulnerable to have it out there for all to see, but it really has helped me to focus on the here and now. Every time I watch it, it just feels so right.

    I'll find you the track. I think it was around this time that I started finding pod-safe music, :o)

  • And just by having someone honestly look me in the eye all these years and say that my aunt's death wasn't my fault, brought an overwellming since of peace over me than I have ever felt since that day. It still stings, I don't think anything will ever make it not, but after watching this video again it made me realize that there is hope because the ones we lose aren't really gone. She lives on in our nieces and will in my children. Your nephew is lucky to have you as a second mother. :)

  • On the 28th of last month, it was my favorite aunt's anniversary that she committed suicide and I sat with a friend's mom who happens to suffer from the same kind of depression that my aunt had and she just simply looked me in the eye and said repeatedly "It's not your fault" and I never understood why it was so hard to move on, but she told me that children internalize things such as death and begin to blame themselves. Then it hit me, I'm one who has grown up before my time, but also a child.

  • Syd....beautiful.

  • You are such a beautiful soul and role model for the younger generations. Like I said in my last comment, I too have lost people in my life and it was so hard letting go, but when I look at their children, I feel whole again and it gives me hope that I'll see them again when it's my time to go. Thanks for sharing. I added to my favs :)

  • thanks Jennifer. And thanks for being so thoughtful in your comments.

    Loss has been my greatest teacher. I don't like that teacher, but I sure appreciate the lessons. ;o)

  • Yeah it's been mine too and I feel the same way about it hehe, but it's just taught me to take more pictures, take my nieces to the park more often, smile more and forget about the little things that make us mad and always say I love you before I leave a room or go to bed. Cuz life is short and you never know how important those are to us till they're gone.

  • I lost my aunt several years to suicide...Infact this year will mark 16 years. I was only ten when it happened but I remember being in such denial at first and then for years (My teens especially) I became pretty angry and distanced myself from others. She was basically like a mother to me, but I know that eventhough she didn't have children, I see her spirit in my nieces everyday and that helps me get through that and knowing that their spirit lives on in our children and in us.

  • That really hit my soul but in a good way. I've had issues letting go myself and what a beautiful way of showing that her memory lives on through her son. :) Thanks for sharing...

  • You have a beautiful soul!!!! God Bless,Terry oxxo

  • Right back at ya.

    :o)

  • You are doing something extremely brave, and I have the utmost respect for you for doing this "Fear thing publicly." I think "judgment", as I think you meant it, is a bit harsh and reflects a misunderstanding of what I meant, which in turn was based on my understanding of what you meant. I may have misinterpreted you. I apologize if I screwed this up.

  • Grief, letting go, and moving on are topics I can relate to very well. Two days ago was the third anniversary of my wife's death, literally in my arms, following a long illness in which I was her sole caregiver. The situation was similar to Gina's but the outcome was not as good. I'm not over it. I need to move on, but how can I when I have no idea where I want to go?

  • Some are married to their grief. Don't know if that's true with you, but this vid was a way to express my intentions to NOT be.

    I don't know what moving on looks like yet, but something new for me is the idea that it doesn't have to mean forgetting.

  • I could say the requisite "So sorry for your loss", but in my head, I just hear: THAT SUCKS.

  • What you are hearing is guidance about what is appropriate for me. Perfunctory statements lack sincerity and don't go over well with me. Honesty, even when unpleasant to hear, is consistent with true love. Dishonesty can rarely be called loving. "THAT SUCKS" captures the truth of my experience of the human part of me, but the divine part knows there is more, even that which the human cannot conceptualize. I appreciate your honesty, your caring. You are a beautiful human being. Thank you.

  • I am past the heavy duty grieving. It is not about forgetting. I had a quality of relationship, and true intimacy, that many dream of and few experience. I am most blessed in this and I will carry this memory for as long as I am. My problem is now that with her death everything that truly mattered to me died also. When nothing matters any more, where do I find meaning and purpose for what is left of my life. I give what I can to others and take each day as it comes. That's the best I can do.

  • Well if that's the best you can do, then it's good enough for the time being, eh?

    It's a different story, though, if you're tired of feeling like life is meaningless. I don't know what I'd do if I felt that way, except I know it would probably have to be extreme in some way- something to jolt me back to life. I don't know what that is, I just know the opposite is unacceptable because I don't want to look back on my life and see that I had somehow died years before.

  • This sounds like a judgment of some kind, but I think it's more an internal dialog I've been having as I notice my backing away from life these past few years. Part of why I'm doing the Fear thing publicly is a result of it, I think.

  • I am aggressively seeking a new direction, a new purpose that is emotionally fulfilling to me, a new structure to my life that works for me. So far I have not found this, but I am confident that I will eventually. I, the true me, is not dead. It is the outer shell of my personality that has become obsolete and has to be replaced. My personality is not my true self. What I am experiencing is normal bereavement for one who has lost a spouse to death. This is not unusual.

  • Three years is yesterday. Hell, at times, it must feel like five minutes ago. I have no idea- I do know loss, but it has to be of another kind when it's the one person who knew the true you.

  • I will never be the same. I will always carry her with me in my heart.

  • Great vid, Loved it. Much to emotional and moving for me. What a good looking boy, your sister did well producing a good looking boy.

  • He's certainly the light of my heart. Thank you so much!

  • The light of your heart, thats great. I like it. How lucky he is to have you around. I think you you are the light in so many other peoples hearts. Thanks for sharing.

  • :o) Thank YOU

  • When Curt first 'recommended' you to me, he said "Syd has the soul of an artist". Of course, I saw that straight away, but this video captures it perfectly. You are brave and beautiful.

    (YouTube has become so 'busy' for me and I feel awful that I've only just seen this 3 weeks later!)

  • Nathan, don't you for one minute think anyone's keeping track.

    God, I hope they're not. If that's the case, I'm screwed. lol

    ;o) Thanks for the kind words, mister.

  • No, I don't for a minute think you're keeping track (and I would hate to give the impression that I do). I feel awful for my sake, not yours. LOL. I adore your videos and wouldn't WANT to miss one. Don't even want to miss one for 3 weeks! :-))

  • Aw...thanks. Your words never fail to bring a smile to my face.

    Seriously. Thanks.

  • moved to tears

  • I hope not in a sad way, cuz this really is a video that is a bit of sorrow and a big chunk of hope.

    That boy in the vid is my sister's son, whom I've helped to raise. He's the light of my heart and my sister lives on in him in the best of all ways.

    Thanks

  • i love the way you layer things: very expressive of the layers of emotion. feelings are graded aren't they, even in respect of a bereavement?

  • Thanks for the thoughtful comment, John. Yeah, I guess I layer so much because it kind of all comes over you at once, like a wave, I think.

    It's all good, though. Making this video helped me in many ways...like art therapy!! lol

    Seriously, when I watch it, it makes me feel lighter.

    Thanks again!

  • nice video :) Happy New Year to you!

  • Thanks so much! You, too!

  • Syd, you are truly a special person! Your courageous videos have been an inspiration to me this past year and I thank you for that. Lovely, moving video here...

  • Thanks Suze! That means the world to me!

  • Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us, Syd. I, for one, consider you a friend. Having never met, you've still touched my heart in innumerable ways, and I still feel a warm compassion for you, your life, struggles, and growth. Be well, and know that you are indeed loved. I see you ALWAYS....moving forward.

  • Thanks Lori.  That means a lot to me!

  • Powerful

  • Your videos always touch me in one way or another, but trying to move on, that's something I've always had trouble with. They'll always be part of me. I think part of getting older is carrying the weight of those who didn't make it this far yet knowing they wouldn't want to inhibit you living. They count on you living to the fullest.

  • The hardest part is losing the memories you have of them very gradually...that sucks.

    Thanks Jeff

  • Hey, special lady. You keep keeping on. The words kinda leave me at the moment. Wishing you well in 2008. I'm glad to have met you.

  • Thanks so much, Darl! Same here

  • he is just perfect, btw.

  • My last message isn't posting. Perhaps it just needs a little time. You are sooo fucking amazing. I learn something in every video you make. Damn woman. You had my heart the entire time.

  • Heart wrenching My sweet. WOW. I am blown away by your courage. It takes courage to show what you have. Thank you Syd. This is a wonderful gift. Your sister was certainly beautiful, as are you. Just...wow. Thank you. Thank you soo much. I'm very proud of you. I wish I could hug you right now.

  • (((HUG)))

    This'll have to do for now, but thanks so much Gina!

  • Thank you Syd.

  • This is such a beautifully personal piece here, Syd, and yet I can relate it directly to so many things in my life and the lives of people I know. Thank you for posting it here.

    You actually do nurture this community here in your own way and I think it works just fine.

  • Thanks Curt- I'm glad you could connect on that level, and thanks for the kind words. You're the biggest reason I keep comin' back here. :o)

  • Boy this must have been a painful yet cathartic video to make. How beautiful the result - both your work of art and your sister's.

    Happy New Year Syd.

    Lesley xox

  • Thanks Lesley. Making this definitely was a testament to the power of this medium in how it can hold an experience and help you process it.

    Thanks for watching it.

  • I like to remember the happy time with the love one had past away, but can't help of dropping some tears. It's always good to let your emotion out. Take care Syd

  • Thanks Den

  • It is through such labors of love that we lighten our hearts and set spirits free.

  • Wow. Thank you.

  • I know!

  • You do, indeed

  • Wow!!

    Let me tell you... It is really an AMAZING video!!!

    Thanks for sharing a little bit of your heart

    Peace !!!

  • Peace to you

  • absolutley beautiful, and your love and light shine through out it!

  • Thanks Kaylee

  • Beautiful, Syd.

  • I did see the hope, and the letting go. This is a beautiful tribute to yourself as much as to your sister, and also to your nephew, who looks like a great guy. Also, as others have commented, I admire your mad video editing skillz, which are quite apparent here. And I'm glad you feel lighter. Happy New Year. :-)

  • He is a great guy, thanks you so much!

  • *hug* i always appreciate your honesty. next to your inherent compassion and kindness, it's the best thing i've seen in you. *hug*

    (also, really nice production. you have a talent, that's for sure... but that's really only a secondary response to this vid.)

  • Beautiful tribute video. Not much to say that hasn't already been said very well by others already.

    I hope you and your family have many wonderful years together.

  • That was amazingly beautifully done :) I always wonder how much time you spend putting together your videos. They are so well done down to every detail. thank you for sharing this :) -patty

  • Thanks so much. I worked on this one for two weeks, here and there- just when I was up for it.  I'm always into ten things at a time, lol.

    It was much longer and I whittled away at it until it was the essence of what I wanted to feel. Appreciate you wonderin'. :o)

  • Very beautiful. I'm so sorry about your loss and about your nephew's loss.

  • Thank you

  • Beautiful video Syd. You have such a way of saying so much without uttering a word - especially when you compile these videos. AWESOME tribute. Talk about nurturing a channel - I get where you're coming from. I'll always support and watch your work. YOU are one of my faves on here - always something deep to say worth listening to. THANKS

  • Omigosh, thank you SO much Tony. I'm going to try to be more a part of this place in 2008, because of folks like you. Peace and happy new year!

  • I admire you for your honesty and for facing your fears...even the toughest ones

  • your sister will ALWAYS be with you..she is in your heart...i lost my brother 3 yrs ago and the last thing he said to me was...i'll call you back..Im still waiting for him to call.....I miss him soooooooo much It helps to talk to him look at pictures and of course his boys,sad thing is that we are left behind...we HAVE to make the best of it..she would want you to be content....I know my brother wants that for us......thank you for sharing your personal video.

  • Thank YOU for such a thoughtful response. Wise words, indeed.

  • Beautiful Syd. Thank you

  • Thank YOU!

  • Syd, Thanks for posting this video. This is healthy. Letting go...Sharing with others. I appreciate it.

    Ronnie

  • Thanks again, Ronnie!

  • Wonderful video Syd.

  • Thanks Stormy & Sunny!

  • Thank You

  • No, thank YOU!

  • thank you for sharing.

  • Thanks for watching

  • Letting go and moving on.... is DAMN hard... I've been there.....I'm still here. Peace, Aki.

  • Peace to you Aki.

    Thank you.

  • Great vid {{SYD}} You can always count on me for (((BIG BEAR HUGS))) You are loved by me!

  • Right back at'cha, pinu

  • you have great flair for creating atmosphere.

    great editing.

  • I shoot for what stirs me deeply.

    Thank you

Loading...
Alert icon
0 / 00Unsaved Playlist Return to active list
    1. Your queue is empty. Add videos to your queue using this button:
      or sign in to load a different list.
    Loading...Loading...Saving...
    • Clear all videos from this list
    • Learn more