Eli's Dirty Jokes - Episode 39 - Genie in a Bottle

[ProffesorSpaz]

eli you drunk... 2:28

[thebest123124]

He wants a dick that hits the floor so the genie makes his legs fall off, it's funny because his dick will always hit the floor.now do you get it

[ryomali]

I would be greatly honoured if someone could explain the logic and reason why this joke it funny.

[PauseForGames]

I nearly died with laughter...

[killer11072]

i dont get it

[guitarmaster1222]

@killer11072 then your a dumbass

[killer11072]

@guitarmaster1222 fuck u

[thepugpoet]

that was shit

[Dominico97]

why do these crap jokes remind me of my grandad?

[adamknight88]

there are 3 girls a blonde a brunette and a red they all go to a island but there a zombies on the island they say you get to live ive you bring back three fruits and shove them up ur ass and have no facial move ment and the brown hair girl brings apples back and screams the red head brings grapes back and shoves 2 up her ass then laughed the brown haired girl asked why she laughed and she said she saw the blonde bringing back pinapples

[laxrat25]

im 12 and got it right away

[wwefan12372]

الله اكبر

[shin7speaty]

@wwefan12372 ليش أذن؟

لول

[jingern]

werd



[maddyk234]

Damn he must have been so small!

[gotricesnitch]

i got a dirty joke... a white horse jumping in mud...

[freshtilldeathrocks]

@gotricesnitch XD

[sk8tr65]

ahhh i get it. cuz his wang touches the floor now!

[Quarnival]

LOL I GET IT, IF YOU CANT GET IT THATS NOT THAT BAD, JUST LISTEN TO WHAT HE SAYS, PM ME IF YOU WANT IT, I DONT WANNA SPOIL

sorry caps lock >.>

[jingern]

i dont get it



[xKrissyfulBby]

@jingern he asked for a hanging penis that touches the floor so the Genie took his legs off so that his penis would touch the floor

[aaf9999]

@xKrissyfulBby

thnx..:)

[EliXD787]

wow i cant believe i acually got it

[o1JUiiCY]

i don t get it

[RandomKillstreak]

FUCK YOU SMART ASSES.. I DIDNT GET IT.

[xLLawlietLoverx]

@RandomKillstreak

Lol He asked for a Wang that would touch the ground,

So the Genie made his legs fall off.

And he lands ass first on the ground,

Now his wang will ALWAYS touch the ground.

[fartikinz]

Stoner eli!!!! 0:41

[musthavecheer12]

I got free kesha tickets. had cheer comp. soo i cant go, must be 16 yrs or older for free tickets. any younger gott pay 20 bucks cheap compared to 150 i paid

[mrironman1995]

did any one see eli sitting by the rv

[Goldenking360]

could someone else talk for these jokes cuz i can hardly understand this guy

plz put someone else to tlak

[shibb90]

i like the version better where a wife gets a mirror and hangs it on her bedroom door. one day while changing she jokingly says "mirror mirror on the door make my bustline 44" and then magically it happens. so she runs and tells her husband who then goes and says "mirror mirror on the door make my penis hit the floor" so his legs fall off

[ipwndazombie]

i didnt get it ...

[Eletromanisme]

@ipwndazombie wat?



[scorphon]

People Who Cant Understand These Jokes Instead Of Leaving A Comment Why Don't You Just Go Away And Quit Watching Until You Smarten Up.

[wanapiss]

@scorphon seriously man....all these jokes are pretty easy to understand. i am tired of idiots commenting and saying i dont get it

[scorphon]

=D

[MetalizedButt]

@wanapiss Exactly. Dumb fucks should just fuck off and certainly NOT try any blonde jokes cos they would be hypocrites.

[xiLeGeNdxGaMeR]

@wanapiss i dont get it

[wanapiss]

@xiLeGeNdxGaMeR If you are being serious, he asked for his dick to grow and become huge, but instead his legs fell off and his dick hit the floor

[ReklawLah]

That's the funniest one yet!!!

[Craigluver809]

@TheDoubleBubble22 from the way youre tAlking and treating ME you dont deserve ANY respect! Youre just a stupid bitch.

[Craigluver809]

@TheDoubleBubble22 dude you need to realize IT IS A JOKE! get that through your thick skull. Oh btw!

Blonde: Wow! Mac computers are so cheap here.

Brunette: What are you talking about?

Blonde: Wow! Its big and it only cost $4!

Brunette:We're at McDonalads

[jackandcompass]

But my mom is a blonde and she takes a ton of offense to that kind of thing so I understand.

[jackandcompass]

Just so you know, I'm a blonde too:

A blonde asks a person what time it is and he says 4:45. The blonde replies " you know, it's the weirdest thing, I've been asking that question all day and each time I get a different answer!"

[Ragingspirits666]

@ Thedubblebubble22. Ha a blonde calling someone a dimwit.

[Craigluver809]

@TheDoubleBubble22

Brunette: I had SO much fun last night!

Blonde:Why what did you get up to?

Brunette:I slept with a Brazillian

Blonde: You sl*t you're worse then me, how many is a Brazillion?

[masonbrooks1]

Hey doublebubble stfu!

[Craigluver809]

@TheDoubleBubble22 okay heres another joke.....

You

[Craigluver809]

@TheDoubleBubble22 y dont u think that its not set out to personally target anyone and that its just a joke and that u need to get over yourself

[Craigluver809]

@TheDoubleBubble22 okay dude chill its a joke. One me and my sister are blondes to but I ever take these jokes seriously. Two no need to completly loose ur mind over ONE joke. And finally there learn how to spell ur self because if u cant even spell "BLONDE" then there is no point in calling me an idiot if u r already making urself look like one.

[cirusMEDIA]

lol...

[aicdethfan84]

Does Eli's voice remind anyone else of Stan Lee? lol

[Craigluver809]

okay. A blonde, a burnette and a red head step on a magic carpet that makes u dissapeer if u lie. The brunette gets on it and says, "i think i have the biggest boobs at school." she dissapeeres. Then the red head gets on,"i think im the most paitent person at school." she dissapeers too. the blonde gets on "i think...." She dissapeers.

[theflameoflifez]

@Craigluver809 You misspelled disappear, don't make blond jokes if your an idiot yourself.

[Craigluver809]

@theflameoflifez you misspelt blonde, so I wouldn't be talking

[theflameoflifez]

@Craigluver809 It can be spelled both ways

[117geokko]

@Craigluver809 lololololololololololololXD

[meadow10134]

isnt it just fucking luvly when the top comment is a reply to sum1 elses shit and u have to go thru the whole fucking list trying to find it to understand but it turns out the reply is a reply to a reply and so on?i fucking luv it.

[ballpython1001]

@meadow10134 any other choice words you would like to say

[meadow10134]

@ballpython1001 nah i got it out of my system.=3

[Baldoxxx4000]

he should have just ask for a big dick... its that simple...

[THELampekap]

is that cheech on the backround?

[MISHRAIF]

How it should have ended.............Give me another bottle!!!! I want to have a huge cock!

[313RW]

yea



[greengringo2003]

Dipshit, nobody rollerblades along the beach, at least if he can hear the waves. Grok it.

[GinaAmsterdam]

hobo eli at 0:30

[dougsunglasses11x3]

Thumbs up if u saw Eli in the back

[piccachi9498]

There was a man who found a lamp and a genie apperead. the genie offered him 3 wishes. The man's first wish was that he had 10 cars. The next day the man's neighbor got 20 cars. So the man then wished for 20 beach houses. The neighbor got 40 beach houses. Finally the man got angry since his neighbor always got twice more than he wished for. The man's final wish was that one of his testicals was removed.

[longlegs226]

stpuid i dont get this

[Shadoweaver407]

@longlegs226 Seems you don't get english ether.

[demonkissed101]

If you don't get it then don't watch it.

[triskiAY]

@demonkissed101 lol, we don't get it because we just watched the movie.. haha :D

[princesspeachrulez]

heres one, a man finds a magic genie lamp and rubs it. a genie come out & says "u get 3 wishes, but your worst enime get twice as much." so he wished for a 130 story house, his enime gets a 260 story house, he wish for 70 million dollars his enime gets 140 million dolloars so finally he wishes " i wish i only had ONE testicle."

[xrdxex]

@princesspeachrulez no hell no you dont do that haha

[gothbabii188]

I don't get it.....

[Marinna1231]

It took a second, but I figured it out. :) Funnu! :D

[FinalFantasyAerith]

Why do people have to explain the jokes? If your so retarded you don't get it then stop watching this!!

[MrMaurice1124]

@FinalFantasyAerith why dont you suck a fucking dick some ppl dont get the jokes u fucking fag tard who the retard now

[IMPL0SION]

A Man went and bought a race horse today, and he was struggling to come up with a name for it. Later on he decided to call it "My Face" he thought it was a great idea. a week later he took it down the track to race. Everyone put a great amount of bets on this horse and expected it to win. but it was to the mans surprise when the horse was on the home stretch everyone was yelling and screaming out " COME ON MY FACE !! "

[TheAlexrice]

what happened to the asian who ran into a wall with a boner? he broke his nose

[piotreknot93]

press 9 ;D

[DRAGONITESNIPPLE]

elis the dude sleeping at 26 secs into vid

[MrMediumFries]

Step 1: pause

Step 2: play

Step 3: keep pressing 5

Step 4: lol

[anupchowdary]

@MrMediumFries Scratching... 

[zMarathonnHD]

Keep pressing 9! LOL!

[frewillig]

it took a moment but then i got it :D

funny stuff

[Thecomputermabobs]

I don't get it

[ilay2222]

@TheAntvark

Nice idea but beaten half dead sucks.

u can say that he always wanted to donate a kidney

[Wazzeeh]

@TheAntvark Ricky Gervais's Joke

[liljaymiah]

@TheAntvark thats not very funny sorta mean lol lol

[helmus2000]

@TheAntvark the explanation really wasn't necessary

[cameronukz]

@TheAntvark am i try another version

a man gets 3 wishes but watever you get you boss gets double

i want a new car a new car appears in his garage 2 cars appear in his boss garage

i wan't 1 million dollars 1 million dollors goes in his bank account 2 million goes into his boss account

the genie says this is your last wish don't forget what ever you wish for your boss will get double the man thinks then he says amm yes i would like to donate one kidney

[benry200]

@TheAntvark i saw that joke in... king of the hill

[benry200]

@TheAntvark and i saw it in the simpsons

[JOSEGASPAR11]

@TheAntvark congrats u know how to copy jokes from the Simpsons

[greendogsoup]

@TheAntvark jeez, got any more damn jokes you wana copy from the simpsons?

[juliabakery2011]

@TheAntvark LMFAO!! XD

[SuperRockstar206]

0:23 Eli is a hobo?

[paramorevampire1996]

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

[helloo889]

kid gets bored and tells his father

"I am bored"

father gets out his penis and says

"Here play with this"

while kid is playin father falls asleep. when he wakes up he sees his penis bleeding and shouts

"WTF DID U DO ?!"

"ITS NOT MY FAULT" says the kid "while i was playing with it it spat some white stuff at me and i stabbed it!!!"

[StrawberryDonutKing]

Thumbs up if you already started laughing at ''zoom zoombaboom!''

[CrashFrost]

I couldn't get this one -_-///

[TheMRFATMAN2]

@CrashFrost its cuz he wanted to make his shorts touch the floor so instead of making it bigger he cut off his legs so he can touch the floor

[CrashFrost]

@TheMRFATMAN2 Ooooh, oh god thank you. I usualy get these :P

[zirk024]

Eli is the bum @ 0:30....juz saying

[Heretikus]

i saw that one coming a mile away. Eli used to do some great jokes but that kinda "fell" short (pardon the pun)

[ThomasBlithe]

Here's one about genies:

So a man finds a genie in his attic. The genie tells him that whatever he wishes for his worst enimy gets double.

So the man first gets an amazing beach house, his rival gets two.

Then he asks for billions of dollars, his rival gets twice as much.

He then asks to loose a kidney.

[iTzStevvieGriffen]

lol hobo or hippie at :32 (background)

[MrFrostyViper]

@CrashFrost he wanted his dick to touch the floor, and it does if both of this legs fall off

[OmgitsVideoslol]

Man walks into a library and asks on a book on suicide the librarian goes "Fuck off you won't bring it back"

[CrashFrost]

I didn't get this one :P

It was probably obvious and funny

[cory10996]

a man found a bottle with a genie, the genie said you get 3 wishes. but there is a catch. anything you wish for your wife gets double. his first wish was for a new house. so his wife gets two new houses. his next wish was for a new car. so his wife gets two new cars. for his final wish he thought long and hard. finaly he said, genie, beat me half to death.

[WeLsHIKiiLLeR1]

@cory10996 u stole that off the simpsons

[cory10996]

@WeLsHIKiiLLeR1 i dont watch the simpson.

[liljaymiah]

this makes no sense why his legs fall off plz tell me so i can laugh

[AnimeLoverOfMusic]

@liljaymiah he wanted to have a penis that touched the ground, meaning he wanted it to be bigger and longer.

but the genie made his legs fall off, so his penis touched the ground XD

[ImpactOverTheTop]

elis the hippi at 0:30

[hendrikmarine]

Dli is the sleeping man in the tcruck

[AznGumBubble]

0.32 eli near the van in background

[actinoidify]

be careful what you wish for O.O

[BFBC2overMW2]

i got one

3 guys are sitting in a cafe

the first guy says "Hey i got the smallest arms in the world"

the second guy says "Yea? well i got the smallest head in the world

the third guy says "well I have the smallest penis in the world"

Later the 3 men go to the guiness book of records company

the first man goes in and then comes out smiling and says "Yep i got the smallest arms in the world"

the second guy goes in, comes out with a smile and says "Yep i got the smallest head in the world

continue-

[BFBC2overMW2]

@BFBC2overMW2 the third guy goes in and comes out angry and frustrated yelling "WHO THE HELL IS JUSTIN BIEBER!!!

[MsNirvanaFanatic1]

I dont get it. someone explain it to me

[zonesid]

@MsNirvanaFanatic1 he wished for his 'dingle doo' to touch the ground..

genie removed his limbs so now.. it touches the ground

[sofiaphilippi]

Eli is the guy in the back 0:35

[wearethenextladygaga]

Eli is the hobo in the back of 0:30

[HolyVegeta]

A guy is shipwrecked and ends up on an abandoned island. A few days later, he meets this man who's head is the size of a golf ball. The first guy asks, "Hey, why is your head so small." The second guy says, "Well, a few months ago, I found a bottle. And when I opened it, a beautiful genie appeared. She offered to grant me one wish for freeing her." She was so gorgeous. So I asked her to give me 'a little head'. "

[OrbBlueCitizen]

He's not so 'RAD' now lol

[vickdunnit00791]

type gift before youtube...DO IT!!!!

[debo1180]

elis the guy on the car at 0:24

[kelseybug924]

@98Joshy he wanted a weiner that was so big it touched the ground but he said he wanted a dong that touched the ground so his legs popped off. hope it helps 

[98Joshy]

i dont get it? any help?

[StalkingStinfrey]

@98Joshy His legs fell off so his junk could touch the floor :]

[Mattamus]

Be carefull what you wish for. haha Hilarious.

[benjamin22cal]

eli is the guy by the trailer

[omgidontgiveafuck24]

@benjamin22cal No lol, Eli doesnt have a brown moustache.

[Creamkitteh1019]

one day a grandma has her grandson over for lunch, but while she is cooking, he is staying at his friends kids house. suddenly the phone rings and the grandmother answers. it was her grandson and he asked, ''Gramma, billy asked me what it is called when two people sleep on top of eachother,'' well, his grandma explained that it was called sexual intercourse, and a couple minutes later, the phone rings and her grandson says ''Billy said the answer was bunks beds and his mom wants to talk to you.

[crazycat670]

elis the guy in the background

[OmGDomOxD]

Jum Jum Baboon~

[tobianator1]

two guys ar in a locker room and one noticed that the other has a quark in his but and he asks "whats with that?" the other man says " well, i was walking and found a lamp and a geni poped outand said." " i will give you one wish" " then i said "no shit""

[jugglinsoccerballz]

@tobianator1 are you canadian?

[tobianator1]

@jugglinsoccerballz oooooh no im not canadian srry

[bigdaddy23518]

i've got a joke ok a old ladys baby cat has died and she wants to take it to a graveyard but doesnt want to walk so she gets on a bus and says to the busdriver

ive got a dead pussy and she says cat while coughs and busdriver says back sit next to my wive you two have got stuff in common

[thesnooooze]

the man next to the traler is eli

[AchtungArtur]

A man found a a genie in a lamp. the genie said "I will give you three wishes, but whatever you wish for your wife will get the double. "hmm, i wish for a million bucks" the man said. so he got 1 million bucks and his wife got 2 million bucks. "hmm, i wish for a sports car" the man said. and so he got a sports car and his wife got 2 sports cars. then the man said "Oh My God, beat me half to death"

[jugglinsoccerballz]

@AchtungArtur joke fail... if she was beaten half to death twice... it would amount to 3/4 to death... 1-1/2=.5;.5-1/2=.25

[gtafanatic1]

@arachnopile i dont get it

[aj10799]

3 Guys have to get to work. 1's chinese,1's italian,1's mexican. On the way to work,They have to jump a fence that has a dog thats shit kills. The italian jumps over,Gets killed. Mexican jumps over,Gets killed. Chinese guy jumps over and says "ME CHINESE,ME THINK FAST,ME STICK CORK UP DOGGIES ASS!"

[521akahmoob]

@aj10799 i just wnder how u feel if the chines dude is white??? and btw why do u all white pls alway make fun of others pls??

[marcin25xxx]

@521akahmoob who gives a fuck. why do you chinese people can't drive for shit? oh cuz maybe ur eyes are so narrow ur peripheral vision is reduced.

[Mayaundacova]

dwl

[KawaiiKurasu]

genie... your doing it wrong...

[SamNormandyTV]

Eli's in the background sitting at the caravan.

[PUBLICENEMY19]

@SamNormandyTV he kinda looks like chong too! :)

[rangerwolf12]

lmfao!

[xiStoOpeDx]

zoom zoom baboom

[octoberboiy]

Thats why u don't wish with Genies... they always try to twist your wish around

[Danne23456]

Eli is the drunk guy at 0:24.

[aliencrasherx]

that must've hurt!

[BadassMcAwesome1]

Most of these jokes are ridiculously old... Like 10+ years old... There are a few I haven't heard though... They'd be funnier if someone else told em...

[vnllawytchkltblndie]

another genie joke (not dirty though) -

A married couple (both 60 yrs old) come across a lamp, so they rub it and a genie comes out and grants them 1 wish each.

The wife wishes for tickets for her and her husband to take a round trip vacation around the world.

The genie says "POOF!" and the tickets were in her hand.

Then the husband says, "I only wish that my wife was 30 years younger than me."

So the genie says "POOF! Now you're 90."

[Giibbzyx1]

@vnllawytchkltblndie

lmao :L