Verbal & Emotional Abuse - What victims hear from their abuser

[cmorielable]

Thank you. What to do? I suffered a nervous breakdown and my abuser gained custody of the kids. There is no way to prove the emotional, verbal, and financial abuse. I am free, but my kids still suffer his rage and abuse. I am left picking up their pieces and trying to encourage their growth despite their father's verbal abuse as it continues with them. What to do??

[PimpingRice]

But I know that its verbal abuse against my physical abuse. I don't want to maximize and further make myself expel from college at the same time I am living in a unhappy life at the moment. Currently broke and just trying to get by. And knowing going to class with these haters doing that every time, I fear myself that I am going to snap any second there to send one of them to the hospital. Can anyone please help me! I am crying right now.... My man tears... No shame in it, because I am a victim!

[PimpingRice]

I used to do kickboxing and boxing and I use to beat kids who try to uses verbal remarks and or shit talking, about what I wear and such and messes with my conscious. Don't get me wrong I am older now and I see that the past was wrong and to let go of the haters, but it seems to be kicking in once more. I'm currently 1st year in college and a group of people keep making comments and such about me to the point where I just want to kick their teeth in. But I know is verbal against my physical cont

[lifechanges97]

I am only 14.at least half of these i have heard from my father.

[gerglesgirl]

I had mental abuse done to me it was horrible and i was three years old and i remember. Once abused its scard on you but i have a good life now

[danniellebaynton89]

I am forever going to struggle from the damage he has caused me, and the pain that lives on. My entire self confidence has depleted. This is a repair of damage I will battle until it's gone; however, I will stand up finally to overcome the pain and take back my life. I do hope that every man, woman, or child that is emotionally, physically, or sexual abused can find a way out. Sadly, I know this is a hope that will not be followed through because the manipulator tends to win... NOT THIS TIME!!!!

[danniellebaynton89]

This video hit home with me as well. I recently got out of a 4 year abusive relationship. They say love is blind, deaf, and dumb.. I say a target of an abuser is blind, and deaf also.. certainly not dumb, but naive in the sense that they just can't understand why the severe emotional abuse is happening, and because the abuser justify's their hateful, hurtful and damaging words and actions with "loving words". I feel a weight lifted in the sense that he is no longer going to hurt me directly but.

[VelveetaCheeze]

this video makes me sick to my stomach cuz this is how my entire family treats me

[commonthread2]

he has 4 kids I have 1 but his son love hates me cause i have to drive these guys around all the time neither has their license. My companion was on the street I helped him off drugs and drinking but he never goes to AA meetings

Its allot for me to manage cause he seems to like other women and it diminishes any thing 4 me/ I feel like he holds me back from my music and my art his family is really rich and so r his friends

they look down on me cause I am poor and Native

any suggestions ?

[commonthread2]

I am in counselling right now and I try to never miss a session sometimes I am on top of the world counselling the Councillor other times I go in like a half deflated balloon sinking into a chair and sighing at my life

I am in a relationship but he does not want it called that

he has told me to think of us as only friends etc,,then he turns around and does something really nice and loving that romances the stone back to soft fluffy whit clouds

but sometimes he gets verbally abusive

[rosebaby99]

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years,,i just finally had enough of all the abuse..the whole time i thought it was me..thought it was my fault he put me down..im more stronger now than iv ever been,,and i intend to b strong for myself and my kids,,NO WOMEN DESERVES TO BE TREATED BADLY!!!!! everything that is on this video..he said to me,,and there is more..I HAD ENOUGH OF THE ABUSE!! im gonna keep my head up and know im worth it!!!

[huntersville1]

how he treated me -- he would even let me watched shows i wanted to watch it was always about him - i can write a book of how he treated me -- i am so happy i left him with all his treats - he makes me sick to my stomach - he told me when we first dated he loved me within a week wow really u dont even love ur self - he blammed everything on me i cant stand men that treat someone u love like that that isnt love - men says ur crazy check ur sel look in the mirror- i am still angry but i am healing

[huntersville1]

bitch -- u act like a spoiled brat u cant find anyone eles better then me - i got sick he still wanted me to take the dog out he wanted his way or no way - brainwashing me thinking he was the perfect one - he called me names told me he loved his dog more then me he did steriods , did opther drugs int he passed he smokes weed even his parents - he can be nice in front of people - we had no sex life after we got married - stupid of me to go back to him then marrying him i can go on and on

[huntersville1]

This is why I left my husband all the mental abuse I took from him .. It took me a while to realize it was not love was all the mental abuse I from him I had enough I had no choice to leave . If u love someone u don't put them down I should've never married him shouldn't never gone back to him I was mentally abused , drained me financially was all about him he loved to manipulate me I made the best decision which is leaving him all the treats he told me also callings names such as u fucken bit

[superbooks7]

To anyone reading here, I encourage you to go into the fields of media, television, writing, publishing, into all those fields that give you the VOICE that was stolen from you , so many years ago. Shouting it to the hilltops is even more effective than "confronting" an abuser. Once you confront them --you give them the opportunity to deny the nasty things that they have done to you. That is just one opinion. Research the topic and you will come to the same conclusions.

[superbooks7]

This is an EXCELLENT VIDEO!!! Right on target. Keep on posting. Thanks for sharing your ideas and all those facts.

[superbooks7]

As a teen --self study media, self-study law, self-study journalism. Choose those fields in high school and in college and RAISE YOUR VOICE so much louder than your abuser can shout. Because KNOW without a doubt the abuser will not change and if they do , the change will be that they get worse as you grow older. That's just one opinion.

[superbooks7]

""""Abusers like to save their abuse for an audience of one". ----This is how they escape being caught, escape being brought out into the public. I have a suggestion for those children and teens who are being abused now. GO into a field that brings abuse out into the public eye. Speak out. When you are older, go into the fields of law, of television, of publication, of authorship. Go get yourself a VOICE that is louder than the voices of verbal abuse. SHOUT!!

[Blackskittles09]

I really appreciate this video you have made,

it has made me realize a lot.

It has caused me to reflect and think 'I truly don't deserve this'

thank you so much for taking the time for making this video :)

[isilee98]

I'm scared.

I'm breaking. </3

My biological "father" has abused me for 9 years, and I can't get out of joint custody.

My secret?

Some of these are also things I've said to it.

I think I might be worse than it is.

I'm an abuser too.</3

[AgentChaos747]

I believe my grandmother may be verbally and emotionally abusing me. To help prove it to her and my parents, I started screenshotting all the quotes in here that sounded familiar. Thank you for posting this. I really hope this works.

[drpepper98797]

Well this video really opened my eyes. I was probably hurting many people, without even realizing it. I am ashamed of what I have said, and what I'm sure to continue to say in the future. i will try to remember this video when i'm saying thing I shouldn't, but I don't have the best memory. I have verbally abused, and been verbally abused on many occasions. thank you for this video

[ColdForgedCopper]

can't read half of this vid! words appear off screen, won't expand.

[MultiHappyBubbles]

please someone help me D: my dad says things so mcuh worse than what wasn that video!

i ddint know it was abuse till i researched it. but its changed my attitude and i need help please!!

im trapped and i always fake a smiel

i have no one to turn to

[0408Hope]

@MultiHappyBubbles

I am so sorry that your Dad is not being nice to you. Do you have someone that you can talk to who you trust at school, church, or a friend's parents? You didn't mention how old you are but I remember when I was in school, sometimes I felt really alone and I dealt with a lot of the same things you mentioned. Looking back, I realize hope and help was there. Just know that you are worthy of love and that people care about you.

[MultiHappyBubbles]

@0408Hope there people i trust more than others, but i cant trust anyone with something like this, im too afraid :(

i wish i was more open to people but i cant find the ability...

nearly fourteen itss my birthday soon, dad isnt around so that kinda good ...

thankyou, who did you turn to mybe that will inspire me?

[1982dem]

@MultiHappyBubbles, I really hope you've found someone to talk to about this... my niece went through some pretty bad things that were a LOT worse than this, not saying that this isn't bad, because I've been through this and worse verbally... but she talked to a friend she trusted then they went to the school counselor together. The school counselor helped her get the help she needed very quickly. Take care of yourself!

[MultiHappyBubbles]

@1982dem i wouldn't tell the school even if they forced me, i skipped a lesson and got in loads of trouble with the head and she was shouting at me the next day cas i missed last block and didnt return home and she wouldnt let me leave till i told her about the bullying and my dad. i didnt tell her, i made some shizz up :P thanks for the thought though, much apreciated (: x

[xinkon]

@MultiHappyBubbles

Hey, fellow... It's already been two months since you wrote. I just wonder, are you better now ? :)

[MultiHappyBubbles]

@xinkon my mum said she would leave my dad if he didn't go council to sort it out, its a start :)

[blubryfields4evr]

These things are all about relationships. Well what about an emotionally abusive mother, like I have? Isn't there anything on how to deal with an emotionally abusive mother?

[TheJellyfishlion]

THANK YOU. I was abused in all ways for 5yrs by my Fiance. I left him in July- he was so coked up/drunk when he came home that he beat me severly, strangled me & tried to rape me. He said many of the things you have here. Recently on the phone he said "U need to figure out what YOU did to make me treat you like that & correct it". I am going to be going to get my things( w/ protection) & we go to court end of Nov. I love him & it'd be so easy to fall back into his arms, but he WILL kill me.

[downwharmony]

P.S.  Never forget that LOVE that brought us together, because without you~~~That LOVE is STILL there. <3

[downwharmony]

I know that I am not innocent of the anger you feel....I get so MAD now, when you say these thing! I DO NOT WANT TO FEEL ANGER.....Just your arms holding me. <3 Just don't forget US!  You can lead us back :D

With Love <3

~~~Down~~~

[downwharmony]

This video reached me....I needed this. :( I have so many tears flowing~~~I do think that there is alot that I have to learn, but yes, IT HAS HURT SO BAD to hear you say these things. :( I beleive in you! <3 I used to beleive in me too...I just DON"T want to hurt you! You work so hard~~~I do too. I can catch your tears, PLEASE catch mine! Sometimes I feel like I am fading away, I LOVE YOUR SMILE! I am not afraid of being alone, because I have learned that I can do that too!

[downwharmony]

@downwharmony And now, you want to leave. I TRY VERY HARD NOT TO CRY.....I BELEIVE, I HOPE! And I am strong! Be strong with me! We were meant to fly, and you know that it is said~~when two people love so deeply, they will face the hardest of obstacles? I know now we can make it~~~How can I tell you that I FORGIVE YOU? <3 I love you, do you remember me? I can't remember me sometimes, I AM SO SORRY. :( PROTECT ME, I am falling

[nym685]

I am a man. And I was emotionally abused. She exhibited signs of bipolar disorder, borderline, narcissistic, etc, you name it.

[usmcoth]

REPORT THE TRUTH. My son and I have been held hostage to his mother all of his 5 years of his life. The FALSE numbers reported about women being abuse 98% is a fraud because men have no place to report their abuse. AChildsRights org

[CHASTEWOMAN]

My husband has been verbally abusive for 30 yrs. Then when our kids grew up and moved out we started to eat more natural foods and exercise. The abuse was only once a week or so. Finally it was pretty peaceful until one day he was really in a rage. I noticed a can of Pringles potato chips on the kitchen counter. It clicked...Processed foods have excitotoxins that make some people crazy if they eat them. No kidding! As long as he doesn't eat certain foods our lives are tranquil! try it!

[pewpewnotqq]

Hey i was really wondering how you made this video, what font, and if you have all the phrases you used could you send them to me?

[feelingtrapped]

I have been called and said such horrible things my heart has died and my anxiety has taken over my life we were so in love and than he started it than he got better my boyfriend did this for 2 years he verbally abused me were like me that I was like 50 first dates that I couldn't hear right that someone with a 4.0 should be smarter than me that I caused how he's acting and that I was lucky to be with him that I wasn't getting anything for valentine's day he punished me ugh

[evrus92]

"You're such a liar"

"I really wish you didn't think the world revolved around you"

"You are so selfish, you only think of yourself"

"You act like such a bitch"

"You're just trying to make me look bad"

"You brought this on yourself"

"If you really loved me, you wouldn't be so selfish"

"All you want to do is prove me wrong"

"You don't care about anyone but yourself"

I've heard all of this, not once not twice, but many a times. Never in front of my friends but only when I'm alone.

[NorthofAthens]

Having "victim" in the title is the first red flag. I've had 10 of the phrases in the video said to me by my former girlfriend- and a lot worse! Threats of suicide because of me, etc. Pure manipulation. Physical harm done to me, too. That same person posted this video on Facebook and implied that I was the abuser. Talk about transference! I'm not claiming the "victim" label. Though, according to your video and title, I should. Don't rely on YouTube videos for psychological help, people.

[Pixiesnix]

I've heard a lot of those quotes over the years, only from my mother.

[Initiateofthe3rdcirc]

The whole "Man=abuser/womyn=viktym bullshit is so played out now. Abuse knows no gender bias, unlike the producers of this hollow, transparently feminist agitprop piece, designed yet again to garner sympathy for those poor oppresed and abused wymyn.

At the expense of Men, naturally.

Simply switch gender pronouns around and you will have a far more accurate picture of who the verbal & emotional abusers really are today. But only if you are first intellectually honest with yourself and others.

[0408Hope]

@Initiateofthe3rdcirc

Hi! I addressed this question earlier, but the reason why this is from a female perspective only is because it is from the perspective of a female victim. This is HER story. Certainly, verbal abuse can cross gender lines, however, this is what one person, a female, heard. Thank you for your input and blessings to you.

[RosewaterElf]

@Initiateofthe3rdcirc If you were so sure of your position, you wouldn't be trawling the net trying to find women to victimise by accusing them of lying or exaggerating. Facts don't lie - 4 women a day die in the US at the hands of a current or ex-partner. Twist that stat why dontcha?

[racheljohnso]

Thank you for this video, I just broke up w/ my emotional abuser. He was so charming, intelligent, handsome & helpful in the beginning but the things he said to me were so cruel, his withholding, & constantly putting all the "problems" of our relationship on me just depleted my confidence. He actually called me "deficient" on one occasion along w/ all the other unoriginal expletives. I don't deserve to be belittled in that way. He's just abusive & I made the right decision to leave him alone.

[0408Hope]

@racheljohnso

You are welcome and I pray you continue to find strength on your journey of healing and moving on. The book that I mentioned in my description is an amazing resource and I hope you check it out. Another one I recommend is "Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse"

[Sandmaven]

Most of those are mild compared to whats been said to me over the years. I've been called a f**king idiot, stupid, asshole, bitch, incompetent, unthinking, oh the list goes on and on.

[0408Hope]

@Sandmaven

I have to agree with you - the video is on the tamer side, simply because I was selective about what I shared, being that I didn't want an adult only rating on it. I'm sorry you have been called those things - you are worth more than that.

[SadiSays]

@Sandmaven

Yeah, me too. Most of what was in this video has been said to me. However in addition to, I've been called a worthless cunt, stupid bitch, dumb ass bitch, fucking cunt, idiot, moron, bitch ass whore, lying bitch, it goes on and on. Not to mention him head bunting me, kicking me while I was pregnant, strangling me, threatening to kill me and chop me up in the bathtub,

[SadiSays]

@Sandmaven

Threatening to leave me in a pool of blood, saying that I deserve to be thrown off of a building, threatening to shoot me in the head, etc...This man will make me hurt him BAD one day. Unfortunately, leaving for me at this point isn't really an option. I am planning to leave next year though. This asshole wonders why I don't want to have sex with him anymore. One day he forced me to give oral sex when I didn't want to. I was crying the whole time and he made me anyway....

[SadiSays]

@Sandmaven

I sit a lot these days and fantasize about hurting him. I just want to bash his head in with a sledgehammer or a bat. I want him to hurt as he's hurt me. I want his blood. I will not act on these desires however because we have a 4 month old son and I cannot be in prison. I will have to leave because I do not want my son growing up in a volatile environment. He deserves so much better than this. He is like jekell/hyde. So caring and sweet and then so diabolical at the drop of a hat.

[Pownkracks]

Thank you so much for this video....I always wondered if my partner was abusive and about 90% of the things said here, she has said to me. Thank you for reminding me that I am doing the right thing by leaving her.

[xXMidnightdoveXx]

family...how nobody loves me and how I will never graduate high school and will never amount to anything...sometimes she suggests my father killed himself because I am such a horrible daughter.

In the end I know she's never going to see me again - when I'm 18 in about 8 months I'm going to leave and never come back...she will always wonder what happened to me and the only people I'll keep in my life will be my sister and the rest of my family. I just never want to see her face again...

[xXMidnightdoveXx]

she is no longer allowed on my school campus because one day in 10th grade she nearly ripped my arm out of its socket literally dragging me out of the school...the social workers were calling me out of class for weeks and I was forced to lie and say everything was fine...my close friends knew, my boyfriend (now ex) knew, some of my friends offered to let me stay with them for a while until she stopped. But she'll never stop. Tonight all I heard was how much of a disgrace I was to the (cont.2)

[xXMidnightdoveXx]

I know I am so close and the attorneys know I'm being emotionally abused - we've had social workers coming over and my mother acting like everything was fine...I'm just counting down the days until I turn 18 and never see her face again. Every day for years I've had to deal with her constant lashing at me, sometimes physically...I've been blamed for things I couldn't control like my fathers death and her injury..I've been told that nobody loved me, and that I'm better off dead (cont.)...

[Redblacklollipop]

I'm in a abusive relationship.. At first, it was verbally, then all of a sudden he held me down, and squeezed my hand that was stitched up from surgery. He started slapping me hard saying "how the fuck does it feel now?!" Did it over and over again. He tells me he loves me and he'll make it up... Though he yells at me for little things i do nothing wrong. I wish I could get out.

Men or women, who abuse verbally and physically, need to stop and just see that the person that they love, loves em.

[minimal1975]

to laugh in the face of an adult who is your parent when they have punched you in the face, and bust your nose, to some people would be an act of madness, but i worked out, he enjoyed seeing me cry and cower, and i wouldn't give him the f**king satisfaction of seeing me weak on the floor, begging him to stop.i would scream angrily you will have to f**king kill me, go on kill meeeeeeee. etc i cried etc when alone, and was visually scarred from the physical;the verbal hurt me more like a knife.

[minimal1975]

and at 13 against a big bloke, the odds of making a proper impact of hurt on your abuser are stacked against you :/ but occasionally, when he would start hitting me, and there was an object to hand like a deodorant can or wotever, yes, i did give him as good a clobbering as he gave me to defend myself. when no object to hand, after the first round of hits, i would get right back up, and give him s**t to his face, and say hit me again, keep on hitting me you f**ker. i coped with physical 'better'

[minimal1975]

i am sorry for all these replies 0408Hope but yes, certain comments strike a nerve, when emotional abuse is poo-pood :/ because, you know, some people think you aren't strong for not handling the emotional :/ but, i want people to consider this, i was strong, because i did physically fight my dad when he hit me, a girl of 13, against a 6ft 2inch rugby playing dad :/ i didnt cower.i retalliated to his hits. but something has to give. and my achillyes heal was the emotional/psychological abuse.

[Jezreel7773]

Can't read your little writing!!

[averamidnightstar]

sadly alot of those comments hit home with me...my stepdad...

[sparklyn70]

every word is familiar.



[Hawaiiansky11]

Always questioning your motives

"I deserve better than you"

"You hurt me (made an honest mistake that pissed me off) so I wanted to (willfully)(hurt you (by using an exposed vulnerabiltiy against you)."

[Lambieschmoo]

It was so bad for me I not only wished him dead, I wished him in hell

[MSgtErinMcLeod]

Damn it, Red. I both love and hate you for making this video. Love because it gets our voice out there. Hate because I cried.

[Alora890]

this video is true try going through it as a child and into adulthood after awhile you either become numb or self destructive i still can not face myself without becoming numb to everything around me

[Alora890]

this video is true

[Amashkitotamoes]

Physical abusers usualy verbaly rip down the target at the same time, you know. :/

[gothwife18]

I really hate my ex for verbally abusing me. Just the thought of him makes me angry. I will never forgive or forget. I will forever hate this person.

[VelveetaCheeze]

this is exactly what i went through. not just my parents but my whole family. my brother would hold me down and hit me while my parents watched. i cried said mom help me why are you doing this. she would watch and smile. mind you i was about 5'2 and my brother is 6'2. just an example. i wished so many times they would die in a car accident and leave me alone. i still want them to die. this is what happens when someone tortures you for years.

[lilyellamama2]

This makes me cry because of the realtionship im in now verbal abuse



[AliciaSara1]

This is exactly everything that I have faced and I still see it and still have to overcome it and realize that there are nice guys out there and that they aren't going to do the samething that has happened to me before.

[goph000]

I have a shitload of problems with this video. First of all, why is everything in the female perspective? Is there no such thing as a male victim? Second, you shouldn't be giving people the idea that they can liken being yelled at to being punched in the face, because once you meet someone who has experienced real physical abuse, you wouldn't dare liken your experience to theirs. Third, quite a few (not all) of these statements don't even sound abusive, and some can be just plain correct.

[0408Hope]

@goph000 Hi! I addressed this question earlier, but the reason why this is from a female perspective only is because it is from the perspective of a female victim. This is HER story. Certainly, verbal abuse can cross gender lines, however, this is what one person, a female, heard. Secondly, by themselves, certainly some of these comments can be innocent; however, in the manner she heard them, they were hurtful, insulting and demeaning in every which way, shape and form. Con't...

[0408Hope]

@goph000

Finally, as a survivor of not only verbal and emotional abuse, as well as physical and sexual, I can say this: For me, the physical wounds were MUCH easier to heal from. Bruises healed on the outside better than the internal ones left from the emotional and verbal wounds. I can see that this is a hot topic for you and I appreciate your response, however this is my video and I made it from the perspective that I felt was most according to the victim's personal journey. Thank you.

[goph000]

@0408Hope Wasn't actually expecting good clarity or calm demeanor, yikes, I'm a terrible troll. =P

[minimal1975]

@goph000 i beg to fuckin differ m8 :/ ive suffered both, and both forms of abuse are equally as damaging. but the maker of the video cant put things like 'you are a c**t, you thick worthless f**king imbocile, so long as you have a f**king hole in your arse, you will never amount to f**king anything' try telling a 4 year old child who hears s**t like that, every day for 14 years, that it doesn't do anything to them. hearing from the age of 4 'i wish i had f**king killed you at birth'.

[minimal1975]

@goph000 they may not be abusive sounding to you, but coupled in with a few other things, and the tone of voice, this doesnt sound abusive, but if i say in a sarcastic manner 'lets play a game :) hands up everybody who thinks goph000 is an idiot :)' look, im smiling as i say it, it cant be rotten :) 'hands up who thinks goph000 is a moron,' but you will never understand the concept, bcoz you arent a child. so you will never ever understand what it does to your head to be treated like it by daddy

[minimal1975]

@goph000 or how about this scenario from your daddy at the age 4,all said with a smiling face as he bounces your sibling on his knee 'you're so lovely and wonderful, you aren't going to be like your sis/bro when you get bigger are you? no you're not, you are going to be a lovely little girl/boy that daddy loves with all his heart'. or lets fastforward to teen years, 'its all your fault i hit your mum, if you didn't look like a f**king freak all the time, then i wouldn't have to hit her'.

[minimal1975]

@goph000 also, these words are emotionally, and verbally mindf**king, 'no, i don't hit you,and it isn't classed as abuse,you can't even have the f**king brains to work out i restrain you when you try to protect your mum, and i phloegm on your face when i restrain you for 2 hours for your own good, to make you a stronger person, because daddy loves you.im teaching you right from wrong. i am to be respected, and your daddy is always right. i am the breadwinner in this f**king house, know ure place

[goph000]

@minimal1975 I'd be a lot more afraid of my dad punching me in the face again than using two hours of verbal abuse to make me feel like a useless turd. The only reason I never talked back to him was because it would always get me smacked. Verbal abuse lowered my self esteem, physical abuse lowered my self-esteem AND taught me cower like a helpless bitch at all costs to avoid conflict. Both cause emotional damage, but the latter fucks with your social life as well.

[minimal1975]

@goph000 i have had my dad punch me in the face. and ive had my dad stomp and kick me amongst other things. but, from being a pre-schooler, being told you are worth nil, and having your head, f**ked with in a mindgaming way, when you are the most vulnerable and mouldable, can in itself turn a perfectly normal child, into having mental health probs such as schizoid personality disorder, avoidance personality disorder, ptsd, make you suicidal at the age of 6 amongst other mental health probs :/

[minimal1975]

@goph000 so you do not comprehend that emotional abuse fucks with your social life too? you really truly think a person who has suffered mental abuse/psycholigical abuse, doesnt have problems socially? you are forgetting, not everybody is made the same, and though you may have been able to handle emotional abuse better than physical, there are people the other way round, can actually handle being punched in the face, or kicked in the c**t with steel toe capped boots on better than emotional abus

[minimal1975]

@goph000 plus, and you obviously didnt experience this, after being hit every day, in rotten ways, i and a great many victims of physical violence will tell you, get to the point where after so long, you become immune to the hits. i couldnt feel them, i couldnt feel the pain anymore from the physical hitting. you can be hit after such a length of time, that it and the pain doesnt register, it got so that i didnt cry, and i didnt cower, bcoz i didnt feel the physical violence anymore.

[minimal1975]

@goph000 you are stronger than me in the sense that you could handle the emotional abuse better, that was obviously your 'brains' safety switch. my brains safety switch was to the physical violence, and in that respect, i am stronger at handling the physical than you...i think whatever type of abuse, it cn be just as debilitating, there isnt one type of abuse that causes more damage to a person than the other, it is just in different ways. it can be equally as damaging as the other.

[goph000]

@minimal1975 I can see that point. And to be fair, the man wasn't very smart, but he was really huge and could hit real hard and twist my arm helplessly for as long as he wanted, so it makes sense that his physical threats were a lot more frightening than "you're going to hell" or whatever.

[minimal1975]

@goph000 sometimes, especially if like me you have grown up with both physical abuse, and emotional/psychological, it is easier to handle one better than the other. my dad was a 6ft odd rugby player. and at the end of the day, he was my dad and i had this head f**k of hating him and loving him too :( i just wanted him to love me and no matter what i did it wasnt ever good enough..i was never good enough. i could handle the hits and they were bad, but his words were long lasting.

[goph000]

@minimal1975 But think of how differently you might have reacted to the words if you were never beaten. The best thing about words, however hurtful they might become, is that everyone has access to all of them, which gives everyone a fighting chance. But once words are met with violence, it doesn't matter who's right, you have to let the physically superior win or be met with more violence, which leaves you feeling both useless AND helpless. (cont)

[minimal1975]

@goph000 well, i think you are incorrect. because i suffered emotional first, from the age of 0 to 11,with nil violence, and it f**ked me up to put it in a nutshell. what that does to a person, is make a child so they are nasty, and not very nice, so that by the time they reach teen years when the hitting starts, the hits dont get felt, the hits dont do jack. the hits are nothing compared to the wrath of the child :) its quite good actually, to get your own back, wen sick n tired of hearing s**t

[goph000]

@minimal1975 It makes sense from 0 to 11 because you were helpless then. The mind just doesn't form the words to fight back at that age. In the teen years, you're supposed to be able to fix that lack of confidence with the newly developed ability to articulate your rebellion and get your confidence back. Unfortunately, that gets suppressed all the way to your independent years by the fear of being hit, so it just doesn't start developing until then, and then it takes even more years to develop.

[goph000]

@minimal1975 Take youtube comments for example. It's full of people whose words are so abusive that it puts everyone you've ever known in real life to shame. And yet, somehow, it's easier to express yourself and feel good about yourself on the internet despite this. Why? They don't have fists! They can't hurt you. And with those chains broken, you can now say whatever you want. In the end, the human instinct just doesn't care as much about feelings as it does about immediate survival.

[minimal1975]

@goph000 i can see that you are one of these types, that just can't handle that me as a person can be thumped in the face as a 14 year old by a 6ft bloke and not be f**ked up as much by that than you. youtube comments are by people that don't love and nurture you through childhood, f**k sake, if people were like you in their thinking to therapise people who have been emotionally abused as a baby through to childhood, then wot a f**kin sorry state the world would be :/theres no talkin to you.

[goph000]

@minimal1975 You're right about that, youtube comments don't have familial connections, which makes it easier to piss them away like they don't matter. But what's a familial connection? I mean, you move out, you live on your own, you stay pissed at the assholes that hurt you in your childhood. But the longer you're away, the more confident you feel, because you don't have assholes doing that to you anymore. Well, assuming you don't immediately latch on to another asshole that does.

[hauii12368]

@goph000 you must be one of those abusers who say , I'm not abusive where are the bruises or black eyes I don't see anything bitch . I just rough you up a little bit but that's it

[goph000]

@hauii12368 Nope.

[bradchaz]

Women aren't the only victims of verbal and emotional abuse...men can be too. I know this firsthand; I was a victim too, and I am male.

[brunettewrhs2012]

Wow. This pretty much sums up my boyfriend.

[twirling0408]

@brunettewrhs2012

I am so very sorry, honey. I lived hearing these words and now living without hearing those words, each day has LIFE that I had forgotten existed. You deserve to be loved. And if this "sums up your boyfriend", you are not being loved in the pure, loving, sweet way that I believe you deserve. My prayer is that you find strength and healing - and your heart can know the safe, amazing love that God created and wants you to have.

[twirling0408]

@brunettewrhs2012

I am so very sorry, honey. I lived hearing these words and now living without hearing those words, each day has LIFE that I had forgotten existed. You deserve to be loved. And if this "sums up your boyfriend", you are not being loved in the pure, loving, sweet way that I believe you deserve. My prayer is that you find strength and healing - and your heart can know the safe, amazing love that God created and wants you to have.

[twirling0408]

@brunettewrhs2012

I am so very sorry, honey. I lived hearing these words and now living without hearing those words, each day has LIFE that I had forgotten existed. You deserve to be loved. And if this "sums up your boyfriend", you are not being loved in the pure, loving, sweet way that I believe you deserve. My prayer is that you find strength and healing - and your heart can know the safe, amazing love that God created and wants you to have.

[TheAchileus13]

I had verbal abusive parents. Even if I was doing well, I always had to listen to them telling me how things would go wrong later because of my stupidity, crazyness, abnormality:

yo will see later

when you get maried

when you have children

when your children will be grown up

when you will have grand children

we know....and you don't

I realise it was verbal abuse

[SpinergyDude]

All I can say is WOW! OK, I am the guy whom even before being disabled dealt with this from my now X NPD wife with Dissociative Personality Disorder as well... About everything you state is 100% correct in what I faced. I am glad I am human, and not that.

[MrJacason]

Well I just got out of a relationship with a Narcissist woman, I had no clue what the word meant, I fell in love and was totally manipulated time after time, verbally abused then some how believed she was a victim, I often felt like I was taking the punishment of her previous relationship then felt sorry for her because she claimed she was abused or mistreated.

[MrJacason]

The whole time my own needs and hurts didn't matter nor was anything I did appreciated, she felt entitled. She hasn't been able to hold a job, she has dreams of having a career of this or that but never took action or when she did she would quit. Everything bad that happened to her was my fault and I was the reason she couldn't hold a job or the reason she was broke and couldn't manage her money. Rules didn't apply to this woman she had a problem with authority.

[MrJacason]

The double life, Wow her cell phone I'm sure had a life of secrets, I have caught her and even seen her other men. People would tell me to Run like hell , but After I have studied Narcissism , I understood more in a sense that there was a problem with her , She's human and she has good in her its just getting her to get help is the problem. You can't help someone when everything is someone else’s fault.

[MrJacason]

We have been to 3 different counselors and she is very charming, she is manipulating and calm. When I'm in the session I'm a stressed out emotional wreck and the counselors are fooled to think I'm the one needing help and I do.

[MrJacason]

One they think I'm crazy for staying with her if she is how I claim, Two ,They see that I'm totally insecure and I am because of my relationship with this woman , and I admit I have some Co-dependency issue probably do to the fact me and my mother who was verbal abusive had issues when I was younger

[MrJacason]

. I'm a Christian man and I believe God can change the heart of a person; there is Power in your words. I'm ashamed to say when I was attacked by this person I attacked back with hurtful words that I didn't mean but in an emotional state said in defense when my character was under attack

[MrJacason]

Its a sick cycle, you but heads and get no where, and my experience in the end after the battle is over we were both left with scared and hurt and we even made are families and friends hate one another. I have been to 4 counselors and I was paying for us both to go, but I always ended up going alone, and then quit, but this time I'm not quitting, no matter what she does, it’s ashamed to see someone like her ruin her life and her little girl deserves a better life

[MrJacason]

Why risk going to jail and yes I have been threatened and almost went to jail, until the cops figured out she was lying. To falsely accuse abuse, is abuse. I can keep on, but No matter the Gender Abuse is Abuse.

[MrJacason]

There are often times where women abuse men verbally or physically and the men do not report it because of there ego or they are embarrassed, but they stay in the relationship and then one day they get tired of being the victim and snap and become physical and then the role of the victim switches and then the abuser becomes physically abused.

[MrJacason]

.Both are victims. Its Sad that we can teach are children Sex education, but we can't teach them how to maintain healthy relationships. I pray no one has to go through what I have, it’s been educational .and destructive. I will never be the same. My hope is in Jesus and I pray everyone would get to know him as your Lord and Savior. God Bless J.

[MrJacason]

I hate this , What about women abusive women, People need to wake up its not only Men its women also. You shouldn't have this singled out to just one gender!

[0408Hope]

@MrJacason

Absolutely, women can be abusers as well. However, I disagree with your last sentence because of one fact: In my description, I said "What a victim of verbal & emotional abuse has heard through the years". The author of this video is a woman and comes from HER experiences, eyes, and perspective. Certainly, most of these abusive statements could have come from a female as well, but for the unfortunate events in her life, they came from a male. Thank you for your passion for advocacy

[brolite]

Do you think an abuser can ever change?

[0408Hope]

@brolite

That's a hard one...In my experience and from what I have studied, it takes the abuser realizing the damage that they have caused and a willingness to take the steps to make the changes that can lead to permanency. Studies have shown that most often, people who enter into anger treatment are doing so out of a court order or because of an ultimatum - not because they genuinely recognize their behavior has hurtful or unacceptable. The recidivism rate is unfortunately quite high.

[Stunt101Rider]

@brolite im a guy and i can tell you absolutly no we cant change.IF YOUR BEING ABUSED THEN LEAVE!!! OTHER WISE YOUR JUST AS GUILTY,YOU EXPECT ANYONE 2 FEEL SORRY FOR A WOMAN WHOS BEING ABUSED BUT ALSO WONT LEAVE???? WTF IS WRONG WITH U CHICKS...

[0408Hope]

@Stunt101Rider A long time ago, I would have had the same kind of "cookie cutter" response. Trust me, I was like, "If any man does this, than I'm gone!" However, many years of being led to believe you are not worth much, low self esteem, no financial resources, add children to the mix, threats to have them taken away, add up to a whole lot of "overwhelmingness"...it's not as easy as "Well, just leave" And, until I lived it, I never would have believed how hard or seemingly impossible it was.

[0408Hope]

@Stunt101Rider

Many who DO get out find themselves on the other side, grateful they found their self esteem, thesheer will to have a life beyond what had become their norm, their life intact when they never imagined it to be so, & not only alive, but living. As a woman who came out on the other side, never again will I ever judge or demean any woman for not YET finding the strength,self esteem or resources to take the steps to change her &/or children's lives. They need support not judgment.

[MarisssaRawrr]

3:40 I've been told the same thing. Only they said it like "You're so stupid. The world would be so much better without you in it! Kill yourself you stupid filthy slut!"

[0408Hope]

@MarisssaRawrr

Never, ever, never never believe it. You are a one of a kind person and a treasure to the world. I am so sorry that you have ever been told that - and I pray that your heart has and can heal in every way it needs to. You are worth much more than those lies.

[Tshay45]

I try to please everyone especially my father...but it never seems to work....

[0408Hope]

@Tshay45

Well, it's an impossibility to please everyone - you have got to leave yourself room to be human. I will never forget one counselor looking at my spouse and saying "What about room for being human?" and I'll say the same thing for you. It's okay to be human.

[paddymcphie]

good on you girl its all a form of brainwashing you stay strong

[jen2bee]

I know what you mean.....I thought I had to be at fault or why would I get that kind of treatment?

[hannigansmith]

I heard all these things for so long, I didnt think anything was wrong... I thought everything was my fault. I still try to be a people pleaser, but Im working on it.