Billy Connolly - The Cook Book

[arasu331]

i just love this and always cracks me up! Just the way he says it and the story of the left over venison and the afghan melon is a cracker lol x

[mactavishc]

You know, he doesn't really make me laugh, I just enjoy listening to him. Fuckin good stuff.

[PresidentSuperman193]

Is this woman out of touch?

[glasgow1234]

Scotland really is a funny place :)

I love our country !!!!

Soon to be independent :D

[Ryakki]

If you're in the rural US, it's the poorest people who eat the most venison. You go out and hunt/poach it and it's nearly free meat.

I was honestly lost on the joke till I read the comments.

[empath69]

I guess 13 people are landed gentry and just don't get why he's laughing about the 'pickiness' of these recipes. :P

[Rrumiiii]

Forgive me for asking this, but can someone please please please tell me the joke about the Afghan melon? I ashamedly did not understand.

[empath69]

@Rrumiiii Okay, again it's a dig at the wealthy; he grew up poor in the city of Glasgow. You typically don't get melons grown in Scotland, so ANY such fruit is gonna be imported; add to which the local grocer in a...well...slum isn't gonna have a big variety of produce, so to ask for a *specific* nation of origin is gonna seem picky and kinda odd. "Dunno if it's *Afghan* - didn't come with a ruddy birth certificate; ya gonna buy the damn thing or not?!?" ;)

[Ukesouljah]

I agree!! ; ) the first time I saw this on the video I was in stitches! I think maybe the funniest thing I've ever seen.

[danw1374]

Just gets better the older he gets long live king billy!

[MrJarhead1243]

"says we can get rid of that left over venison"

"THANK FUCK FOR THAT!"

[LibertyAtYourService]

Dear Mr. Connolly,

The following statements are true.

It's late as hell. My grandma passed on Monday after a 4 year battle with cancer. I had an outpatient surgery that included a catheter up the urethra and, lastly, my long term girlfriend and i pretty much just broke up for good. She was amazing and beautiful.

My heart is seriously broken, Mr Connolly.

I just want you to know that you are making me laugh out loud in sheer joy and I feel so much better. You're the best. Thank you so much.

[PrinzEugenMCMLXXXIII]

@LibertyAtYourService

I doubt that he'll be reading that.

[free2fly20]

@LibertyAtYourService

I am sorry to hear about all that happened to you and I hope things are better now :)

[holyswordsmanoffaith]

"THANK FUCK FOR THAT" lol, ahahah made my night.

[116joey]

now thats piss funny

[cantosprofanae]

best comedian ever

[QBAZPHUKANU]

What show is this? I mean the year and place...

[philipknight2]

Brilliant!

[Ecofreak96]

I love how Billy will get so off-track, and start a story while in the middle of another story. (And they have nothing to do with each other), and after a few more stories, he will go back to square one, of whatever story he started on.

Gotta love funny ppl with ADD. :D

[Ralkahn]

@Ecofreak96

If you like that, you'll LOVE Eddie Izzard...

[Ecofreak96]

@Ralkahn

I do love Eddie Izzard!!!!!!!!

"Cake or death?" XD

[TravellingMan79]

@Ecofreak96 Euhmmmm....Cake please

[Ecofreak96]

@TravellingMan79

Death-No no I mean cake!

You said death!! AHAHAH!!

XD XD XD

[chocchipfox]

@Ecofreak96 What about Ross Noble? He does that too

[Ecofreak96]

@chocchipfox

I've never heard of the man, I'll be sure to look him up! :D

[Shagrat65]

Ah this clip just misses out I was in distress line. This is the funniest bit in the show which is hilarious enough.

[thebairn1876]

What dvd is this from? I am trying to find the sketch where he talks about the teacher that he drives mad by making farting noises. Can anyone help. Fecking genius of a man

[roronla]

We only had left over mince if we were lucky. Melon, let alone "Afghan" wis a treat! Billy...you are pure dead brilliant son.

[jaros65]

lol! Afghan Melon!

[theRWWorld]

I wonder if Lady Maclean's resturant still exists in Argyll?

[felixq78]

This guy used to be funny but now all I see is a big SELL OUT!

[fuckthehuns1]

Pure Glesga patter lololol

[ivangrozny27]

ye cannae get enuff a th big yin

[finlan9]

Is that an Afghan Melon! ha ha!! why is that so funny???? i love it!!!

[MrSy82]

if i watch this again then i'l fuckin lose control lmao

[Scotsbell]

Venison is no longer the rare meat it was years ago. It's not much more expensive than beef depending on where you live in Scotland. We're very close to a deer farm and shop. Love it!!

[Classicrow]

Do they hunt dear in Scotland?

[Scotsbell]

@Classicrow Only as a form of culling and is done by gamekeepers. Otherwise is illegal. Most venison is produced from deer farms. There is some controlled hunting on private ground.

[Classicrow]

Cool, we love deer here. It's legal to hunt and very easy to get a license.

[farmerloon]

@Scotsbell i live on a farm

an deer are right cunts

was 50 in field last night

but idk y but the keepers dont do fuk all about them.

so its kinda bad :S

[Scotsbell]

Translation?

[buckhysen]

This is one of my favourite ever Billy Connolly sketches 'Is that an Afghan Melon?' lmao :o)

The guys a genius!

[g4yn0r]

XD

is that an afghan melon?

FUCK OFF!

[MrSy82]

this guy is the best ever by a fuckin mile

[PresidentSuperman193]

Is this woman out of touch? LOL!

[scottishmags1]

"If I see another bit of venison I'll lose control" LMFAO....I love Billy Connolly

[ktbandolivia]

i tried cooking venison whilst on Afghan melon, whooo Man!

[stuartallford]

lol

[jgilmore677]

lol it took me a while to get it but then i went over the comments lol im in ireland and you say its easy to get it if u know a hunter O.O lol that seems scary to me

[thoyo]

it's really interesting that venison is so expensive over there, i woulda totally missed the joke if snidelywhiplash hadn't asked my same question :P

[bmrti]

brill!!!!!!!!!

[drewhankin]

Haha I'm from Australia lol. It would definately be significantly easier in the states to find venison. Here it would be like trying to find the snuffalufagus lol

[snidelywhiplash]

Okay, context check - is venison really expensive in the UK?  Cause in the States, it ain't exactly hard to come by if you know a hunter.

[jayok2206]

Yes, it is/was expensive and it only tended to be eaten by the rich who own the big castles and load of land where Deer was tradionally hunted

[saschiver]

@jayok2206 yea ur right. was just gonna say lol but whats the story behind it again? i cant remember.

[blackandwhitezest]

@jayok2206 Yeah and i dont really know many hunters haha. Might as well ask if we know eskimos ha.

[santiano42]

@jayok2206 It's not expensive in Scotland! Not at all, it's one of my staple meats

[empath69]

@santiano42 Ah, so you're another native Glaswegian, too? Get many deer grazing in your urban neigbourhood? ;)

[santiano42]

@empath69 Nah, I'm a highlander so venison wanders around in my back garden all the time. Used to know a guy with a rifle whose job it was to cull them, those were tasty times. He was a bit old though so now I've got to pop to the butchers or supermarket. But it's always there on the shelves when I go to Edinburgh and Glasgow!

[darkkrenify]

@jayok2206 its not gunna be expenciv at the rate they are breeding

[stiglaa]

@jayok2206

Castles?. Who lives in Castles in England that owns herds of Deer?. The Queen, yes, but who else?. Such a funny answer, had to ask jayok!.

Siglaa x

[thistleplace999]

@stiglaa Its not England hes talking about.

[drewhankin]

thats like saying gold isnt hard to come by if you know a miner

[snidelywhiplash]

Do you live in the States or Canada? Particularly in the South or Midwest, it ain't that tough. Plenty of hunters in the East as well; outside large metro areas, it's quite easy. You actually don't even need to know a hunter, just a meat locker where they process deer.

[joegt123]

just grab a fuckin bow and find a forrest ._.

[skilzsta]

and if yuu wear tights then yull be robin hood

[joegt123]

No. If you wear tights and a feathered cap, THEN you'll be Robin Hood. =P

[AtrumExcessum]

It's EXTREMELY easy in the Northwest. Hell, I'm surprised if I can go drive for 30 minutes at night without having to stop for deer, elk, or the like.

[taurus494]

@snidelywhiplash in the UK they want to keep the deer population high so you can only kill deer at certain times and you have to pay a fine per deer which means that it is very exspensive

[jkzl1008]

@snidelywhiplash

But if you don't live in the boonies, you're looking at $80/lb (allen bros online, nyc). Then you still have to cook it!

[adzyfelly]

@snidelywhiplash yeah...its deer!!! lol

[wallace1232]

@snidelywhiplash well it may be more expensive in england but in Scotland its easy to get very easy infact,u just shoot a deer n thats it!!

[GayPandaProductions]

@snidelywhiplash Wouldn't say it is really expensive, but you would only be able to buy it in top end butchers. It is quite expensive, and not that common, but not hard to get your hands on, but yes, for context it is a bitch of a thing to get.

[buckbumble]

@snidelywhiplash still is expensive (ish)

[MrTerryKay]

@snidelywhiplash

Venison is a little dear.

[TravellingMan79]

@MrTerryKay : It can also be a little deer ....badaboom

[MrTerryKay]

@TravellingMan79

Hehe.

I was wondering when someone was going to hit the punchline.

To quote from Homer- Mmmm Bambi, (drool).

[treytoshable]

@snidelywhiplash ive lived in both countries, never really met anyone who offered me venison

[pfalky2k]

@treytoshable it is actually quite lovely. it is better if your mate hit it with his car & it was free ;)

[jjay75]

@snidelywhiplash Probably not anymore, but it has connotations with rich people who hunt.

[pfalky2k]

@snidelywhiplash likewise here. if you know a hunter, well, poacher, as they're known here. since only the parasitic monarchy is aloud to eat what the gods provide. the french had it right. as did the yankees. expel them or behead them ;)

[mrmojohasrisen]

@snidelywhiplash no one knows hunters over here buddy.plenty of deer in the countryside though lol i dont know of anyone ever getting a hunter to shoot a deer for them that just doesnt happen over here.but yes venison is fairly 'dear' lol

[empath69]

@snidelywhiplash A) yes, the UK has less 'wild lands' where you could find deer, and 2) Billy grew up in a - to be blunt - poor neighbourhood of a large city; Imagine how much venison is sold in the corner stores of Harlem, for example. :)

[snidelywhiplash]

@empath69 Yeah, it was one of those "DUH" moments some time after I posted the original comment. Cram 70 million people into an island the size of the UK you're not likely to have an oversupply of wild game. : )

To contrast, I found out that in the state of Nebraska (where I live) the Game and Parks Commission have a program for people to get *excess* venison from hunters. Free. And we have fewer deer than other states. In the E. US deer are like rats. Much tastier, though. : )

[KungfuCow5]

1:23 2:01

[dawniericardo]

coming where?

[ruby343]

OMMFG JESUS , this dude is fucking AMAZING , 'upto here in it' TTSSSSAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH­AAA.............i remember crying and rolling on the floor when i watched the one about that old woman on the bus , WAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAA and womens demands , i WORSHIP this dude , oh hahahahahaa

[SiriusDelirious]

Women's demands is brilliant! IThat's my favourite!) I've been looking for the bit where he's talking about swimming in the North Sea!

[mgarforth]

I love the North Sea bit. Knitted swimwear and bastards in speedboats.

[SiriusDelirious]

I just don't remember which show that was on! he's like me. It takes me weeks of sunbathing to turn white too lol

[NewVidCommenter99]

1:55

[AdmeralVicky]

Im laughing so much im crying XD

[Seanadun]

Billy is The total king of comedy

[Lera1479]

Insist on Afghan melon! hahahahaha

[L0LImAnna]

Venison is deer meet right?

[tjukken180]

yes

[AnimaRaptor]

It's also horse meat, I believe... Though I don't know many restaurants serving that variety :p

[ServeChilled1956]

venison is deer. Or moose

[patrick1428]

Im Australian and if it wasn't for Billy Connolly I would only know Scotland for 4 things. There accents, kilts, bagpipes and groundskeeper Willie.

Billy is truly the king of Scotland and the king of comedy. His videos should have millions of views! Not thousands!

But i guess ppl only like watching comedians that have 2 jokes in a show, black and white people jokes...

what is wrong with the human race?

[gsdkain]

Majority of people are dim wits that's why.

[craigymc34]

so now you know scotland for 5 things? accents, kilts, bagpipes, groundskeeper willie and billy connolly?

[AnimaRaptor]

Could be worse, there are ENGLISH people who don't know where Scotland is. O_O ENGLISH!

[Uinb]

Doubt that

[AnimaRaptor]

I mean it, in Nottingham someone asked my girlfriend where she was from. She replied Scotland and he asked if it was in Europe. :P

Maybe it was just him but it kind of shows how sheltered one can be.

[LBBL915]

"If I see another bit of venison, I'm gonna lose control!"

hahah

[gooseoutofhell]

Billy is freaking hilarious. Can't wait to see him when he comes to NZ.

[taiaha]

When will that be??

I would like to go see him when he comes to NZ too =D

[SiliconBong]

Have you seen his World Tour of New Zealand?

[666satanification666]

I just want to see New Zealand.

[tomkendallz]

hes already been to new zealand!!!

[jizzywhizzy]

yeah and he's coming back at the end of feburary

[hollaholla07]

there was no birth certificate with it

lmao

[baldymonster88]

can someone remind me what dvd this is on?

[geneman75]

This is taken from the Live at the Hammersmith Odeon in 1991. Not one of his best shows, although this clip is very funny.

[Baseballschaap]

left over venison... xD

[lucas13789]

is that an afghan melon? lol!!!

[lucas13789]

i love how he laughs at his own jokes!! if it was anyone else i dont think it would be... mon the billy!

[TheBhoyJoe]

LMFAO, I was dying when he started reminding me of the vans we used to shop at.

Fuck me, I've no laughed like that for a while.

Other comedians make you titter, Billy makes it so you lose control of yer body :-0!

[volgodon]

Oh man, that's just like going to a Russian market...

[barzini85]

iu dont see the problem hunting something that is guna be killed for food anyway. at least it catches a bullet by suprise and its over reasonbly quick, whereas the other option is to nurture and raise them and then slit there throats i know what i would rather do.its morbid and horrible but if we can make it fun then wheres the beef (no pun intended and not that anyone hunts cows either!) we evolved for eating meat our bodys require it.

[manicmacintosh]

You're a bit dim aren't you.

[cainedog23]

If i see another venison i'll loose control, i cant get the fridge door shut. Fuck antler's spilling all the yogout~* A***

[ScottishSweetheart27]

I love this guy! Hilarious!!

Makes me proud to be Scottish! ^.^

[AustralianHPfan]

whats venecin?

o funny even tho i have no idea what it is

[haggis087]

Venison is Deer meat my friend..Not so readily available in Glasgow in the old days!!

Mince = Yes....Venison = Whits that!!!!!

[AustralianHPfan]

thanx! we dont get any deer in aussie lol

[haggis087]

Haha!..Must be one of the few things you do not have in your wonderful country!..As a Scotsman am sure there must be a great fan-base for Billy over there???

[BongSau83]

We do have venison in Australia you can get it at the supermarket. In South Aus we have deer farms and shit. You can even hunt them

[Luigipiper]

Hunt them? why would you?

Oh, let's go out and hunt us some venison for dinner tonite?!

IT's not the normal thing people do

[BongSau83]

I'm not saying i do ya twat. i was just illustrating how easily available they are.

[Luigipiper]

Whatever. Doesn't really matter.

:O

[pramboy74]

Do you eat meat? How the hell do you think meat get's on everyones plate?

[Luigipiper]

I am providing my opinion on the matter. I think it's cruel that people hunt deer for fun.

[pramboy74]

here in new zealand deer is not a native animal and people are encouraged to hunt them to keep down the numbers mainly because they damage the native forest here.

[OmiOutbreak]

Why must morons like you lot comment about cruelty to animals? Go watch some national geographic and leave that shit there. This is meant to be funny. You're meant to laugh, not contemplate the deep and meaningful problems of the world.

Fucking class A faggots.

[TheBhoyJoe]

It's not cruel. Cruel is lining them up on a treadmill and then zapping them with electrodes.

Hunting outdoors is perfectly natural, the animal doesn't die in a factory somewhere after listening to 100s of other animals getting whacked before it.

Look at yer teeth, we eat meat!

Eat a fucking sausage for fuck sake.

[ghoulliver257]

the problem isnt that the animals hear other animals die. the problem is that during the process an animal may actually bleed for about 5minutes before it dies. i've seen documentaries on this stuff and its not pretty. worse is on farms. skinning pigs alive, breaking the beaks off of chickens, making cows produce 10times the milk they would normally produce. i pity any animal that crosses paths with a human. good thing we got billy here to cheer us up, those who arent ignorant of these things

[TheBhoyJoe]

Basically what I said......

All I'm saying is that hunting isn't cruel, for the reasons you mention.

[kanehotdog14]

wat the fuck is wrong with u people watch the clip, laugh or u can fuck off.

[ScottishSweetheart27]

Here in America, deer (venison) hunting, is VERY common. Some people consider it a sport. :| It's fun.

[cueboy72]

does anybody knw what vid this is from?

[thesteve120]

its the 1991 show in glasgow

[cueboy72]

thanks..

[Seamus2410]

The great one!!! always leaves me crying with laughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks for uploading this...keep 'em coming!!!

[madmanninc]

what a gut lol :)

[SHARONUKN18]

I love you Billy ...you crack me up.

[Roddy1989]

As a chef, this is the funniest thing - just before the Cooking game on the Nintendo Wii.

[TheVitruvianMan]

"I felt it was an apple or it be gone"

Brilliant

[kjottis]

get ur quotes right rofl, besides why quote the vid when everyone has seen it just before reading this? D:

[warriorneedsaxe]

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! Amen and right on!!!!!!!!

[futurfocus]

thanx for uploading this ..

class.

[themanbearpig]

billy connolly is the representation of glasgows humour, everyone from glasgow or west central scotland knows this is how we are and how we speak and our outlook on life and people.

[hollaholla07]

well said jimmy

[SHARONUKN18]

Same for us North Londoners.

[cainedog23]

Brilliant

[TJOOBI1]

"if i see another piece of venison i'll lose control" i can't hear venison in a conversation without quoting this sketch. love it.

[SiliconBong]

trossix

[BILLYBADMINTON8]

check out billy porters vid scottish comic fab

[kostasviper]

"What, what do ya want??"

"It that an Afgan mellon??"

Hahahahaha! Brilliant!!

[chriswils]

he is a genius n makes me proud of our national humour,

[KazekFuturi]

Is that an Afghan melon? Haha! Fuckin class!

[Ladymacbeth1]

God, I'm proud to be Scottish!

[SeanGilchrist]

I love being scotish

[stuiungarskid]

Billy man i love ya, ive seen EVERY thing hes done, every film too, mans a genius.

Anytime anyone u love is down just send em a link, fuk prozac etc, not needed with guys, hehe i was going to say like him but hes the best ever, hes going to be sorley missed.

[torqueingheads]

My god I nearly died, isn't he just precious, the man has pure genius.

[Strixsgoodgirl]

Very very funny, as good as the wildebeest one (Shouting at the Telly)

[TamHickey67]

Nae birth certificate! LMAO

[illusivemcsorley]

This is the sketch where I thought I was about to die. I'll never forget it. Billy Connolly nearly killed me with humour. I was already cracking up from the previous story and I couldn't get up from laughing so hard and the funnies just kept on.

[Franzapooch]

I agree illusivemcsorley! I laughed so hard I had a dang asthma attack. Now I just bust out with the giggles in public just thinking about him! He's a genius.

[DarkDepts]

I really DID die.

[illusivemcsorley]

Good to know there is Youtube in the afterlife. :) Hope your journey to the other side was painless and the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't just your monitor. :D