10 Things to NOT say to a cop

[waltdog5791]

no after he frisks you say i usually have to pay for that

[TheRusting]

Cop:Excuse me sir, License and registration, and do you know why im here?

Smart ass man: You made C's in High school!

[hockeykid080996]

Cop: Why are you speeding?

Me: I'm late going to teach drivers-ed!

This actually happened to my dad.

[Krayzies32]

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Well that depends, how long have you been following me?

Cop: Sir, your face looks red and I smell alcohol, have you been drinking?

Me: No, but officer, your eyes looked glazed.... Have you been eating donuts?

[KingallsK]

This video WILL NOT LOAD. And I really wanna watch it!! :(.

[gogitta25]

this gave me a boner

[RichManSCTV]

117 people tried this...

[Raxarax]

First pic, 1980's T-bird metallic silver.

[LilAsesino]

U missed a spot ;)

[CthulhuForCocoaPuffs]

#7 gave me a good chuckle.

[CthulhuForCocoaPuffs]

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

What you say: Because you thought I was cute?

[TheCmajors510]

Cop:Why were you going so fast? Me:Because i was going to get my application from the police department before they closed Cop:They already closed -_- Licence and Registration please Me:Well ummm... i didn't know that hehehe Cop:*Pulls out handcuffs* Me:*Pulls out empty donut box* Cop:OOOO ARE THOSE CREAM FILLED!?!?!??!?!? Me:Uhhhh... sure....... Cop Gimme em' and your free to go Me:*Hands over empty donut box* >:D *Pulls away* Cop:*Takes to car and opens* :O NOOOOOOOOO! Me: >:D

[sunny71169]

Cop:  Do you know why I stopped you?

Me: 'Cause your're lost and need directions?

Cop: May I have your license please?

Me: No sir, I need it. You'll have to get your own.

[Blackbird3838]

cop: sir could you please step out of the vehicle.

driver: im too drunk, you get in

[mayssm]

I've been pulled over twice in my lifetime. I've never gotten a ticket though, because I'm always nice to the cop.

[TheHolySniper24]

Say: I'm a priest.

[capecod12345]

Cop: Have you been drinking?

Me: Well you should know! Your the licensed officer!

[Lenny115]

Cop: "your eyes look red, have you been drinking tonight?" Me: "no sir, but your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating donuts?"

[xxbjerring]

-"why are you driving so fast sir?"

-"Im drunk and my dealer is leaving the city soon"

[bnoland84]

Use the "so, Whats a good bribe go for around here" carefully if you plan to make a joke with these and a real officer.. that could be looked at as bribing an officer and you would go to jail.

[tzimtzum1618]

Cop- "Do you know you where doing 45 miles an hour in a 25 mile an hour zone?"

Me- "Yes sir but I was only going to be driving for a half hour."

[dow3312]

Call him by his first name was the funniest one!!

[Tylerfrombvtw]

@SeedsOfHatred Haha nice i like tht one

[prescomp]

ok..i`ll do that..



[97336cf]

Cop: Why were you speeding?

Me: I'm trying to keep up with traffic!

Cop: Sir, there is no traffic

Me: Exactly!

[97336cf]

@97336cf oh shit, sorry, didnt know somebody posted this already.

[Evilsylar101]

Officer: "Are you drunk sir?"

Man: "I swear to drunk, I'm not God, ofiicer."

[RebHarris2012]

Cop: You know why i stopped you?

Me: *Points at box of donuts* Cause you can smell 'em!

[Lostmymind1]

@RebHarris2012 No.....make up your own jokes. Stop watching comedy central and ripping other peoples work off, or I'll call you carlos mencia jr.

[RebHarris2012]

@Lostmymind1 So i like Gabriel Iglesias it's not a crime to laugh at a Mexican comedian.

[TheJack387]

@RebHarris2012 that's Gabriel iglesias' line

[kristina121595]

@RebHarris2012 GABRIEL IGLESIASSSSSSSSSSSSS

[TheFuryan666]

@RebHarris2012 Gabriel Iglesias, awesome!!!!!

[CTFxCshaycarlphillyd]

@RebHarris2012 Gabriel Iglesias' joke

[BkNvh]

Cop: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

You: "Because you wanted to tell me you won officer of the month award?!!!

"

[GlobalWarming78]

* Officer * "why were you swerving"

* You * " I was trying to avoid Paul and his cat"

* Officer * " who's Paul and what cat there has not been anything on this road for hours"

* You * " well Paul's my imaginary friend and i only see the cat when i'm doing meth "

* You pull out a brown bag *

[TurboCrafter1]

*Officer walks up to car window*

Drunk: What seems to be the officer problem?

[esperdaninja]

yeah this is going on a cops wall

[popie311]

cop: why were you speeding

Me: im trying to keep up with traffic

cop: there is no traffic

me: exactly see how far behind i am

[homersimps1]

@popie311 We have a winnah!!!

[97336cf]

@popie311 ppssst! rubs forehead twice?

[Appleholic1]

Cop: Sir do you know why I pulled you over? Drunk: HUH? I thought I pulled you over.

[TheOnyxHer0]

uuuhh whats the officer problem?

[BigErnz77]

@shroomsrok31 LOL

[titan8300]

When the cop pulls you over ask, "Hey where are the rest of the village people?"

[RonaldBarone]

@titan8300 I did that... trust me... dont do it. I started singing YMCA

[Texan2525]

@RonaldBarone how did that turn out for you? haha

[RonaldBarone]

@Texan2525 I spent the night in jail. For disrespecting him ... thats what he said

[Texan2525]

@RonaldBarone interesting

[HenryStoddard3]

I think i will attempt these questions

[zizwop]

Things that are technically NOT videos on YouTube-PowerPoints with only text and music from Inner Circle.

[SeedsOfHatred]

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

You: You're giving me an invitation to the policemens' ball?

Cop: Um...No, we police officers don't have balls.

You: *Grin*

Cop: ...Have a nice day. *Walks away*

[MrSpukinator]

Cop: Your eyes look a little blood shot, have you been drinking?

You: Your eyes look a little glazed, have you been eating donuts?

[VredesStall]

Cop: Do you know why I stopped you??

You: Because you wanted to ask my opinion about the Blue Wall of Silence.

[Wonkawillie77]

Cop: Do you know whay I pulled you over?

You: No, but if you hum a few bars I can fake it.

[bubbiesdad]

Sir you were weaving.

Weaving? I can't even sew.

[TheBetterOutlaw]

Cop: How high are you?

Me: No officer it's hi, how are you.

[nylife]

Cop: You were swerving all over the place!

Me: You try driving with a beer in each hand!

[OTTOFLYS]

Cop: Sir please step outta the truck

Driver: Im too drunk, you get in!

[larsonb33]

@OTTOFLYS best comment EVER!

[jmar1371]

Cop w/ radar stops speeder. Asks what's the hurry?

Guy says I'm late for work as an anus stretcher.

Anus stretcher?

Yes, I stretch them to 72 inches.

Cop asks what do you do with a 6 foot asshole?

Give 'em a badge and a radar gun.

[adychelsy]

@ Tyfootman you got that off gabriel iglesias

[jakevaf]

Cop: Why were you speeding?

You: I'm late for the policeman's ball.

Cop: Police men don't have balls.

You: *grin*

[deanndraish]

@jakevaf good one .LMAO!!!!!!

[Kickastina]

@jakevaf Psych?

[chrisdl62]

Cop: Why didn't you pull over when I hit the lights?

Me: Well my ex-wife ran off with a state trooper and I thought you were bringing her back!

[roach74432]

@chrisdl62, do you think that cop pulled them over to ask where he could find a"Fat D_c_"?? Nowadays, maybe the officer's civil mate was shortchanged or sumthin'. Never can tell...

[Xiber1]

@chrisdl62 lol.....zat's a good one.

[6lue757]

What seems to 6e the occifer pro6lem?I'm not as think as u drunk I am

[tyfootman]

cop: do you know why i pulled you

me: becuse you can smell it (points to a box of donuts)

[MrBlah15000]

How fast were you going?

Not Fast enough apparently.

What do mean?

Officer, if i was going fast enough, you wouldn't have caught me.

[1016Hawkeye]

Cop: (to a motorist caught speeding) I've been waiting for you all day.

Motorist: I got here as quick as I could

[ZEEMADMAN2]

Cop: Know why I stopped You? Me: Why, did You Forget?(stolen)

Cop: Know why I stopped You? Me: Sorry, but I'm Not Gay!

Cop: Can I see Your License? Me: Can I Shoot Your Gun?

(I stole that to.)

Cop:Step out of the Vehicle! Me:Sure, can You hold My WhiskeyBottle?

(stole that one to)

Cop: Know why I stopped You? Me: I looked like I had Bribe Money! You thought My ASS was Cute!You wanted to see what a Real Dick looked like? You wanted to meet the Real Father of Your Kids? (sorry, more theft)

[ZEEMADMAN2]

Cop:Why were YouSpeeding? Me: BecauseYour Wife called Me& said the Jerk's out on Patrol again,& I should get right over for the GangBang!

Cop:HaveYou been Drinking? Me:No, I never mix the Booze& the Pills with each other.Last time I did that they found Me Naked on the WaterTower Shooting Pigeons & the Lights off the CopCars. But only the RED Lights,not the BLUE Lights.The Blue Lights never hurt anyone! Cop:Do You have any Guns! Me: Of course I have Guns & there all Bigger than Yours(zipp) See!

[radu310589]

police: license and registrations sir

ocupant: i told you to get license for drivinf

from rear seat: i told you we ain't go far with stolen vehicle

from trunk: what do we pass the border?

[LosMt2]

Cop: do you know why I pulled you over?

hotNfluffy guy: cause you can smell it! *presents a box of donuts*

[chipsahoy85]

Girl traffic violator says to cop: "What!? You're giving me a ticket!!?? I didn't think cops gave tickets to pretty girls ;) "

Cop: "You're right, we don't, sign in the red box.. press hard"

HahahahahahA!!

[SandpiperN121PP]

Officer: Excuse me... have you been drinking tonight... your eyes look quite glassy?

Driver: Why no officer... but have you been eating doughnuts... because your eyes look quite glazed! :)

[jdizzilicious]

HOWZ YOUR WIFE AND MY KIDS OFFICER.......

[patriots4life11]

This is a true story! (we are at a gas station)

Cop= Man thats a fast car hope your driving safe

Me= Want to race?

Cop= Want a ticket?

Cop win :(

[AbsitInvidea]

Here's a few:

I pay your salary!!

Were'nt you in The Vilage People?

See this donut? There's alot more where that came from.

[dabackstopnumber57]

Officer: "do you know how fast you were going?"

Me: "my speedometer doesnt go that high"

Officer: "you were doing 35"

[Wilder941]

My fav.

"I was gonna be a police officer, but i decided to finish high school xD"

[RavenDeBeast]

cop:How high are you

you:No officer its Hi How Are You

Cop:........Ugh....You have a nice day ?

[phoenixbrown108]

when he pulls you over ad asks if your drunk then say no then ask if he wants some weed

[davecharlesries]

a cop asked me how fast was I going, I told him "my odometer only goes up to 85" got a reckless driving ticket

[swmmp2000]

Ya missed one one" These are not the the droids your looking for. Nothing to see here. move along.

[dalgib90]

These are all cute and could potentially get you out of a ticket. Saying things like "Because you're a racist pig," is neither cute nor funny. I like the ones on the video though... just not the ones people added in the comments. Although a few were good.

[HappyCoconut143]

Cop: "Can i ask you why you were swerving back there sir?"

You say: Of course! I was trying to open my beer, when my gun fell out of my holster and got lodged in between the accelerator. I took my hands off the wheel trying to multitask. trying to light up my marijuana fag and trying to get my gun out to the accelerator. further questions?"

[bangmeister]

they're actually good

[gambinoarmy]

no, your supposed to say this. when a cop asks "Can I see your license and registration please?" your supposed to reply, "sure, but you have to show me yours before your able to take mine from my hands.".

[DuSTIN6541]

#4 is wrong its " when he asks you why you were speeding you say your qualifying"

[icut1]

I`m too drunk to walk, thats why I`m driving.

[44jeepcrazy]

thats some funny shit right there. ive said or done most lol. yeah cops dont like me, its just so fun though.

[EONINJA]

cop: how high are you?

you: no no no its "high, how are you?"

[snapcrackleplopful]

i used #2 last night at the bar

[XxZeroHellsingXx]

Cop: Do you know why I stopped you.

You: Depends on how long you were following me...

[XxZeroHellsingXx]

Cop: Your eyes are red, are you on drugs?

You: Your eyes are glazed, are you on donuts?

[UggaWaggaProductions]

Don't worry officer, I still have a bit of blood in my alcohol stream....

[TheShmagmanator]

i did #7 while getting searched at school and got suspended for a sexual innuendo =D

[kludgeon]

Some of those are pretty good.. Another nighttime classic, when they shine the light around in your vehicle: "Did you lose something?"

O.k., I liked it.

Post a video of yourself actually saying one of these things to a cop during a stop, and I will subscribe, I promise.

[InSpirationRSN]

funny as helllll

[FirekidE62]

Cop: Sir can I see your License registration and proof of insurance.........

Person: CAN I SHOOT YOUR GUN!!!

[KlubKaukawana]

Go Klub Kaukawana!

[XzCoRkEy14zX]

@dmmartins007 I HATE THAT! Especially after you just peed too! :/

[Nascarrr48]

when he asks if you know how fast you were going...say i was going to fast to see the sign..lol

[dalgib90]

@SANYUR Go back to school

[SANYUR]

@dalgib90  FTP

[Brmobrad]

cop: have u been drinking? guy: officer i swear to drunk im not god tonight.... now hold this beer while i back it up...

[shroomsrok31]

cop:do you know why i pulled you over

black guy:you want my weed

[jeffhotness2011]

Lmfao

when they say you have the right to remain silent anything you say will be used against you in the court of law respond with " please dont hit me again officer"

[CurryMan1276]

Cop: Do you know why i pulled you over?

Me: CAUSE IM BLACK!!!

[McPhillipsMJM]

a party got busted and we all called the cop uncle jimmy and gave 100 people mips

[MrUSA96]

i was getting yelled at by a cop so when i got the chance i said "listen john wayne calm the f**K down". that was not a good night for me.

[emotioninmusic]

A friend of mine got pulled over and the cop asks him, "Have you been drinking? Your eyes look glazed." And my friend responds, "You must have been eating donuts cause your eyes are glazed too."

[ime95815]

i got a speeding ticket and when the cop ask me if i knew how fast i was going i told him that no 'cause i was to scare to take off my eyes of the road !!! he laugh he's still ticketed me :(

[theballer04]

#7 lol

[mibevan]

i heard a guy got out of a speeding ticket after he was pulled over and the moment he rolled down his window the theme for COPS played and they btw shared a laugh and he let him go

[shadow80081]

when he pulls you over and askes u why he pulls u over u say i know cuz im black

[SILENTASSASSIN68]

@shadow80081 It would be funnier if a white person said that lol

[Cavscout5096]

A bit from Gabriel Inglesias: Getting pulled over after getting a box of fresh crispy cremes... they ask why did I pull you over just say 'Because you can smell em!' and notion to the doughnuts

[BlikeNave]

lmfao

[juggalo2237]

its al fun and games till you have done all on the list plus 10 o_o

[Seansdaddy73]

i find it really funny that everybody is always sayin fuck cops, cops suck, or they are just power hungry...but when someone fucks up your new ride or breaks into your house, or anytime somebody needs the cops they are always there to help...keep talkin shit yall cuz one day your guna need a cop and regardless of what you say about them they will show up..."when cops are in trouble, they call swat, when swat is in trouble, they call K9"...

[kpharris32]

@Seansdaddy73 No actually, I want my fuckin' guns back, nine less concurrent jurisdictions, and a grin and a thank you for shooting the right shitbags.

[StandardRacing]

@Seansdaddy73 And you know why K-9 gets called, because dogs are smarter and faster than a police officer. Pretty bad when a four legged animal who licks its own nuts and pisses on trees do a better job than a police officer.

[2014cwajts71]

@StandardRacing Dogs are smarter than cops. That's not saying a whole lot you know.

[vinmaster25]

i gave a cop the finger a while back and he threatend me haha

[MrTeddyBearEater]

No beer, there's no officers in the trunk...

[altgeldrarities]

Here's another one to add to your list. "You are just pulling me over because you wish you were white and educated like me." 

[jay78251]

#3 haha

[dafjhs1]

lol that was fucking lol im going to say to a cop one day

[nokia53310]

to not say? or to say?

[HarmlessKittyWithUzi]

Missed a Spot!

[croc560]

When he asks "do you know why i am standing here?"

Answer "You got straight C's in High School?"

[yoshi6521]

That's goo to know considering I don't have a car...yet

[vidoxer2]

be good

[msizemore32]

I swear to drunk I'm not god

[midgetmayo]

@msizemore32 I have a shirt that says that. lol

[Lakena2552]

Man Gets Pulled Over in Car and the Cop Asked the Man.....Sir why was you Speeding? The Man says : I was Trying to Make it Home to Watch the New Episode of Cops Because you are Going to be on the New Episode Tonight !!!

[CheckM8King2]

#12

COP" SIr, have you been drinking?

DRIVER: Yeah, that's why I drove. I'm in no shape to walk!

[CheckM8King2]

#11... COP: Do you know what it means when the light goes from green to yellow?

DRIVER: Yeah! Go like hell 'cause it's about to turn red!

[SoulOnDeparture666]

i never knew there was another verse to this song haha

[miguelscp31]

what seems to be the officer problem? (drunk of my ass)

[Cuteebrooke]

Wen the officer asks u have you been drinking tonight??

Reply with

No but have u been eating donuts ur eyes seem glazed

[patrickbohannon]

I'm not as think as you drunk I am....

[vcjjj08]

@dmmartins007 Thumbs up. I do too.

[AnunnakiElite]

@dmmartins007 I KNOW RIGHT!!!?????!!!!!!1

[bonham1981]

*hicks* What seems to be the officer, problem?

[Awesomnesswuzhere]

My favorite line ever

"I'm sorry. I'm not allowed to catch a ride from strangers."

LMAO!

[TheRealFobican]

I lol'd

[ThisFireBurns534]

I liked 4,6 and 10

[MrCDJ97]

" License and registration ". " Sure , can you hold my beer " ?

[nathandugovic]

no speeding, i wasn't officer, i swear to drunk that im not god

[Zodist]

Or say you look thin so get some pork on your fork.

[Mr43ranger]

youll all get arristed

[temclaughlin1]

When the police says that you have the right to remain silent ,anything you say can be used against you in the court of law... Just say " Alright, but could you please not assault me again." :D

[katieluv621]

"Fuq da police"

[whyarenone]

#6 and #10 are the best!

[url7292]

number 6 had me laughing...

[colin22hockey]

cop.. are u druck and driving...

person.. i was to druck to walk

[telright]

i laughed at every one of those

[lucifer9243]

1st thing i would say to a cop " Would you go and fuck yourself Please "