Added: 7 months ago
From: kermodeandmayo
Views: 38,609
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  • "Would a text be alright?" ".........no"

  • BEST. RANT. EVER.

  • "shia labeouf -  The charisma vacuum" HA!

  • SPOT ON

  • I feel like this SHOULD have swearing in. Powerful. And true.

  • PHWOAAARRRR!!!!!!

  • The Stewardesses sounds awesome

  • Bad news Mark, Transformers 4 is on the way.

  • @MoonIightGraeme He broke his laptop by smashing his head into it repeatedly :)

  • Haha! I love it how he always tries to contain himself, but then it's like a nuclear reactor going into meltdown, then finally it explodes.

  • "13 assassins" was a good film with a 60 minutes battle sequence, great review though

  • @eli4s actualy the battle sequence in 13 assasins was 45 minutes

  • @eli4s Yep he did like that. He's still right to smash the fuck out of the Transformer series though.

  • best...review...ever

  • you're right, a right todger

  • transformers wasnt THAT bad...they are empty films but the special effects are very good :D

  • "You remember the bottom we had from the first two movies? Unfortunately that bottom called the director 'Hitler' - but here's another one!"

    LOL

  • WHOA EY ......lol amazing.

  • Would it be fair to say that the added dimension sewn or moreover welded onto the 2 dimensional flat surface experience that is the movie screen, has advanced film-makers art not one jot. Nor has shiny big costumes or narratives designed by a Speak n Spell..Perhaps Mycool Bay & Snack Snyder are in fact an advanced life-form and have superior depth of focus than mere mortals. Doc, do i take the blue dreamers now?..doc?

  • whoa ay whoa ay whoa ay

  • I only watch the reviews of the movies he doesn't like

  • I'm sensing some anger issues....

  • sooooooo Mr.Kermode, did you like Transformers 3?

  • "Shall we hear a clip"

    "No, let's not."

    That summarises it nicely I think.

  • @sulijoo I was locked in a mental paradox- so much action was going on and yet I was so bloody bored. Michael Bay also seems to share George Lucas' view that ordinary human beings in films are there to contribute screams to the background noise and flying limbs to the debris.

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  • PHWOARRRRRRRRR CARS bahahahahahaha

    Kermode is the man. End of.

  • I've only seen the first Transformers movie. It literally made me nauseous. It wasn't motion sickness; it was my soul trying to escape through my pores.

  • @sulijoo ahehehe

  • TURN IT UP BRIGHT! :-)

  • @BrandonUkelelekid14 you are retarded. plain and simple, you're a fucking retard if you think that it is the best movie in the world. you are either under the age of 10 or you are retarded

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  • @BrandonUkelelekid14

    For a 14-year-old, your grammar is astonishingly poor.

  • @BrandonUkelelekid14 You do realise you just said this in public on here don't you?

  • @BrandonUkelelekid14 or he's a well respected film critic whose opinion is infinitely more relevant than yours.

  • What was wrong with for it to be worst movie this year? Ranted for 10mins and the only problem was a little bit of bad acting and sexislation(sp?) Doesn't he know sex sells? Transformers has never been a kids film. The TV series was for kids, The films are for more adult guys why the 'sexual' stuff in it. Sorry his arguments seem all moot to me.

    Seriously do not understand his opinions for this being a bad movie. Film was enjoyable for me at least big action/escapism for me to watch.

  • LOOK AT THE CURVES ON THAT, EY...WHHHOOOAAA EEEY!!!!

  • He's bang on about the chick in Transformers 3. She was fucking atrocious and I hope to sweet Jesus and the baby orphans that she NEVER darkens a cinema screen again.

  • I'm going to start putting 'Clusterfruitcake' in every conversation.

  • The whole thing with Chernobyl in DotM was NOT a joke, it was a serious plot point and the "sexualisation" is bullshit. I've seen films when I was 4/5yo where they had women dolled up for the male demo. If you paid attention to how Hasbro have handled this the majority of TF stuff is kids entertainment & these films are for teen young adult demo & for the general audience who want to waste 2 hours. Bay knows what the mass audience wants & doesnt care what critics think as these movies make money

  • This was Kermode's Raging Bull.

  • this movie is more popular than inland empire. i blame society.

  • @ri394 I just watched Inland Empire last week as I'm a massive Lynch fan. I will never watch the Transformer films. Michael Bay is a complete whore.

    "WOARRRRRRR EY WOARRRRR EY!!!"

  • Michael Bay's a son of a bitch who makes prostitute movies for the horny demographic.

  • @CompanyLagoon What's wrong with being horny?

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  • I agree with you doctor it was terrible, people dont know good movies anymore

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  • Takashi Miike did a good job of an hour-long battle scene in '13 Assassins'.

  • I have some bad news for Mark. Michael bay is going to redo and made a trilogy of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles films

  • Spot on, yet again! It's almost annoying ;)

  • The only thumbs up that i can give to this movie is the special effects. that's pretty much it.

  • thums up if you find this much more enjoyable that the movie itself!

  • @leviterande you and 41 are mentally retarded

  • @dogspissonrugs Not really. maybe you are. this rant by Kermode is brilliant. 

  • What a story, Mark.

  • Mark, you are a fucking GENIUS.

  • charisma vacuum lol!

  • "inexplicable fluids"

  • This is by far the greatest rant by the Doctor.

  • @RichardKleiner

    I still enjoy the one on SATC 2, but I agree this is the best one he's ever had.

  • @donteetpeople that one's also a classic, nonetheless

  • @RichardKleiner Greater than SATC 2 rant?

  • @RichardKleiner I completely agree, sir

  • whoaaa eh! look at the curves on that

  • Good review, couldn't watch another second after the first piece of trash and I am happy I didn't. I am shocked that people enjoy this trilogy, well maybe not that shocked there is 5 fast and the furious movies. Maybe I overestimated the public or underestimated the number of morons watching movies.

  • One of his more enjoyable rants, keep em coming

  • I hated the film but it wasnt at all racist and neither were its predecessors. Racism is hate towards a nationality or race due to their actions or appearance.Transformers is more stereotyping than racist and quite frankly ive never had a problem with stereotyping people. If someone stereotyped me for drinking tea everyday coz im english, i couldnt disagree with them, i do drink tea everyday, just like black gangstas talk like those twin autobots and the irish like their drink, dont be in denial

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  • @MemoryFoam

    "I'm a bigger dick than [Kermode] and Teamtowers, and I think they are both idiots."

    Erm... Okay... You're a dick and you think people who hate The Transformers Trilogy are idiots. Yes, that makes sense. Well done jagoff. That is the definition of the phrase "shooting yourself in the foot."

    Personally, I'm a decent guy with reasonably good taste, and I despise these movies beyond compare. Go figure.

    Oh, and the score? Bland noisy tripe lifted from 523 other stupid action movies.

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  • No, the score was brilliant. Listen to it separately to the movie.

  • Um... No film should have a 60minute fight? Wait, how long was the final chase in the Road Warrior?

  • Woah, eh? Woah, eh? Woah!

  • people shouldn't take what this guy says so deep, he's someone just like everyone else who has a diffrent opinion about this movie, if you like the movie then look on your bright side of it and dont mind negative comments, its hard to deal with but your life would be easier that way

  • @scar12x9

    It's not realy his opinion that bugs me (in fact I agree with most of it) it's his smug atitude and the fact that he is needlesly spiteful.

  • @TeamTowers1 i agree with that

  • ...bitter much!???

  • Hopefully the letter will be written in blood, I leave it to your imagination as to whose blood it should be.

  • the only way rosie huntington whitley should be allowed near another motion picture is with her blockbuster card,even then she should probably be supervised.

  • Haters have a job and that's to hate let them do their job. Please don't talk shit on something you yourself wouldn't accomplish in 1,000 years. Show some damn respect!!

  • @ScreamingDeadbolt

    Are you talking to me or Kermode. I have no idea what would posess someone who hates a film series to pay money to go and see it. If you hated the first two and still paid money to see this then your an idiot. If you liked the first two and enjoyed this then good for you.

  • the film had potential but its pretty bad...the effects are great though

  • @thememoryremains100

    And thats really all that needs to be said instead of Mark going on a rant were he insults annyone who dared have a different a opinion to him.

  • @TeamTowers1 also dont see how he can compare michael bay's directorship to a porno lol

  • @thememoryremains100

    I dont see how he can claim a film like this witch is merely dad is one of the worst films ever when there films out there like necromantic and violent shit (yes that actualy is the title.

  • As bad as this film is Kermode proves how ignorant he is in this reveiw. The Transformers comics are very dark and aimed at adults so his point about sexulising kids stuff. His demands for a apolagy even if it's not totally seriosis the most arogant thing Id ever heard. He refuses to acknowlage that these films being sucsessull raises the chance of us getting Gundam and Evangelion movies.

    I cant call him an idiot because that would be a lie but he is a smug twat thats for sure.

  • @TeamTowers1

    Continued he complains about the battle being to long. Dragonball Z one of the most populer cartoons of the 90's had battles that lasted 10 hours and you know what everyone who grew up watching that show loved it.

  • @TeamTowers1 Would you say that Batman: The Animated Series is also aimed at adults because it trades in dark themes? Because they tried showing that in a late-night adult timeslot and it tanked in the ratings. There's a difference between something "not talking down to kids" and being "dark and serious and not for kids, MAN!!!!" The Marvel Transformers comics were aimed at children. They had crossovers with fucking Spider-Man. End of.

    And I hated Dragonball Z as a kid.

  • @DrJohannFaust

    Spider-man comics havnt been aimed at kids for years. Kravens Last Hunt Maximum Carnage, One More Day, Civil War and whatever story Morlon apeared in are not kid friendly at all. Besides I was talking about IDW's Transformers comics which are very dark and outright stated to be aimd at adults by the publisher.

    I love the way you pussyfoot around Evangelion and Gundam movies which interest in shot up amongst movie makers thanks to Transformers sucsess. I

  • @TeamTowers1 That's the problem - comics are inherently meant for kids. Nowadays it's popular for comics to include grotesque over-the-top violence because it's COOOL and EXTREEEEEME. Also, don't mention One More Day as an example of mature adult storytelling - it was the editor destroying an established marriage because it wasn't how it was when he was a kid.

    Just because there's interest in an EVA/Gundam movie doesn't mean it will be made. EVA's been in development hell for yonks now.

  • @DrJohannFaust

    At the very least were geting a Gaiking movie because of it. Know Eva and Gundamwould work better movie whise but Ile take some Super Robot on the big screen annday.

    Oone more day was horrible but I realy wouldnt call a story about a man selloing his marage to the devil to bring back his dead aunt for kids.

  • @TeamTowers1 Knowing the trend of American movies based off anime, Gaiking will either not be any good or keep getting delayed. I don't see the need to put it in live action; the Rebuild of Evangelion films have gorgeous animation, and are pretty good as well (especially 2.0).

    I wouldn't say it was for kids either but it says a great deal about the state of the comic book industry - the immaturity and editorially-dictated nature of it all.

  • @DrJohannFaust

    Gaiking is going to be a japanese film made by the same people who made the space battle ship yammamoto film.

    And yes I agree with you I absoloutly adore the Rebuild of Evangelion films I just wish they actualy got a theatrical relese over here (I understand wy they didnt though).

  • @TeamTowers1 "On March 28, 2010, a Live-Action Movie based on the series, simply entitled, Gaiking, was announced at the 2010 Tokyo Animation Fair. An international production will be helmed by American filmmakers, Jules Urbach and Matthew Gratzner. Gaiking is being prepped for a 2012 world-wide release." From the Wikipedia page.

  • @DrJohannFaust

    Geuss Im wrong then on the bright side nether incarnation of the Gaiking series was annything like eachother so I can forgive this if it dosnt end like them. I realy wish there was a getter robo film.

  • Kermode might be wright in his opinions most the time but why do you all praise him for being smug arrogant twat who looks down on people for liking what he deems to be crap.

  • I saw the movie and i am at a loss that i missed so much to criticize the movie even more for.

    Thanks for pointing out what you pointed out.

  • Why get so upset? The film is great if you have the right mindset

  • This guy is such a FUCKING DICK.

    YOU ARE THE REASON MOST OF US HATE CRITICS!!

  • @MrOiManDudeGuy

    While I cant say I disagree with his opinions most the time he is without a doubt a dick.

  • If you hated this film you get sympathy from me. You should have learnt your lesson from the first two. Franky Id say that makes you dumber then the people who think it's good.

  • @TeamTowers1 I actually quite liked the first film and didn't get a chance to see the second, so I thought this would be alright. Stop generalising, because you're acting like a "smug arrogant twat" yourself.

  • @DrJohannFaust

    Thats because I am one.

  • @TeamTowers1 On what terms, then, can you condemn Kermode for being one? Pot, meet kettle.

  • @DrJohannFaust

    The fact that he wont admit he is one.

  • @TeamTowers1 Because Kermode's career rests entirely on him acknowledging this, and on your personal approval. Kermode is not your bitch.

  • @DrJohannFaust

    Look he's a profesional he should live up to a higher standerd then petty insults towards his detractors and being a smug prick. Im just some dork on the internet it dosnt matter what I say but profesional film critics are in a position were they should live up to a higher standerd.

    Not to mention he lied in his Fantastic Four review.

  • @TeamTowers1 You shouldn't be a smug prick in ANY circumstance. Saying that you're "some dork on the internet" doesn't excuse you. With regards to Kermode, I don't find him that bad, his opinions or his style/manner of speaking, and there are many who would agree with me, as there would be people who agree with you. He's a divisive figure. If you don't like him, don't watch him.

    Just for the record, the Evangelion movie has been "in development" since 2003. Somehow I doubt it'll ever get made.

  • @DrJohannFaust

    It just kind of pisses me off that he encourages his fans seem to think it's OK to call people brain dead or retarded for liking anny film he slams. I may be smug but In my eyes thats allways been crossing a line. But what do I know Im just a man child who wastes his money on figures to go on the shelf.

  • Wonderful review!!

  • "LOL its hilarious how he thinks he's gonna get an apology letter"

    No, he doesn't - and the why's and therefores are sooooooooooo beyond you...

  • I must admit i think that the third one is worse than number 2

  • Haha, amazing rants. Love it.

  • Transformers is everything that is wrong with film today. Michael Bay *shakes head* The guy literally has no sense of how to make a film which doesn't involve explosions and 18-wheelers being thrown though the air. I literally like zero of his films and his production remakes of horror classics are sacrilege.

  • LOL its hilarious how he thinks he's gonna get an apology letter. A LOT of people thought this movie was great and I'm one od them. this guy needs to get checked out by a doctor 'cause he's got some serious issues. oh, and pretty much everyone thinks this was better than ROTF, but this shithead just clearly hates everything in the world.

  • @TheMrJayzmoove,

    No, he just hates shitty movies made by, of, and for imbeciles.

  • @OxTheWriter who doesn't. 

  • Mayo: "...Would a text be enough?"

  • Kermode bashing 60 minute battle scenes? 13 Assassins fool!

    He liked that movie too if I remember lol.

  • I really liked the first tranformers. I HATED transformers 2 but i thought transformers 3 was pretty good

  • transformers 2 and 3 were dog shit end of

  • The biggest problem with Bayformers is Bay does not see the robots as characters, he just sees them as CGI set-pieces. Contrast Bay's approach with that of Simon Furman.

    The thing that made Transformers cool was that they had such vivid personalities, not the "giant robots hitting each other" crap which is such a waste of the TF concept.

  • @Relugus

    Actually, I sort of have to disagree with you. The robots in "Transformers 3" are characters... I meen, not very deep characters or anything like that, but they are more characters than the humans in the movie... Of course, that meens, that they are like the one-eyed amongs the blind people, but never the less, the robots themselfs are by far the most interessting things in the movie.

  • But u have remeber when you were a kid it was our generation and want are we now were all grow up and its pg13 not pg

  • ere mark, ur an annoying bellend!!

  • @lfc4ever82 Great contribution....

  • this guy needs to chill out, he is crazy. its just a movie, who gives a shit. He really needs a blowjob or some skunk

  • @smarshuja24 he's a film critic its his job to say what he thinks you nipple.

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  • Wait...what ?

  • ah, i can't agree more with this dude!! kudos brotha!! Bay has raped hard my favorite franchise ever. G1 fan forever!!

  • Woah! I just realised big john malkovich is in this movie I just streamed it online for free and did not notice! bit.ly\Dark-of-the-Moon

  • It it form a comic

  • That guy don't know what he's talking about thats the bast movie ever Disney sell sex And you talk about mic bay the movie was good why are you the only one to think it bad it not racit it like you think everything is bad for kid and it not for kids it for teens case we had grown up with the toy play loving watching the tv show and I not from a toy it form a comic

  • this guy is fucking irritating

  • Classic Kermode!

    And what's more, he's right.

  • I've been saying 3D is a flash in the pan for years...we've been here before, it will come and 'save' the industry but then they never work out what to do with it other than spectacle - ie. help tell a story, really include the medium - and then it goes away again for another 20 years.

  • wow he is so upset... alot of people say this is shit, alot of people say the new harry potter is shit, but what are ya gonna do, every one has a different opinion on things, but he wants an apology letter, thats funny.

  • 5:18 to 5:30 this is basically the the entire movie.

  • Transformers 3 is a total clusterfruitcake! Hopefully one day a good director will come along and make a proper Transformers film.

  • @bungmuffin You enjoy that do you? You truly, deeply enjoy that? Does it make you laugh really loud and unexpectedly? Did it make you feel the urge to cry, even if just a little? Did you ever feel involved? A sense of real danger? That the 'characters' you care about might actually not make it through the movie unscaved? If you can honestly say you 'enjoy' this, then I'm sorry, I must question your ability to experience enjoyment. You watch animators show off for more than 2 hours, nothing more.

  • wha eh wha eh wha eh wha whaaaa.

  • Am I the only one that thinks that the good Doctor has a resemblance to Val Kilmer?

  • It doesn't matter what you say about this film the simple fact of the matter is it is just plain boring. 2 and a half hours of nothing happening very melodramatically. Just terrible.

  • Yet another amazing rant *applause*

  • WHAAAAAAAAAAAA EH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EH!

  • I knew he was gonna go on a mega rant towards the end. Put em to bed Mark!

  • umm the ending was a bit rushed but i liked the film :(

  • I WANT MY £8 BACK .... I WALKED OUT!!!!!!!!!

    Terrible, vile blockbuster

  • This is the worst film that I have seen for quite some time. Ok so its shorter than TF2 but it feels longer. Rosie thing-bob and Shia La-Charisma Vacumm are tiresome throughout and its clear that Michael Bay should go back to directing school and learn how to direct a compact, short and enjoyable film.

  • mmm this chick is way hotter than megan fox in my opinon! for those who have not seen the film yet you can now for free bit.ly\Dark-Moon

  • my favorite part was 0:00!!!

  • hahhahhaaha what a bitchhh

  • to all the people who say " turn off your brains" You dnt know shit about transformers so fuck you!!

  • @PerfectSuperSaiyan dont watch it then

  • Transformers 1: was AWESOME. Transformers 2: was AWESOME. Transformers 3: was AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Unfortunately, I had to take my nephew to watch it at the weekend. Yes, Mark you were right indeed!