Dating Tips for Single Black Women: Men Must Pay for Dates

[herpeslip]

I will follow tradition if women will also follow tradition. Unfortunately, women scatter like roaches when 'traditional roles' are used against them.

[marianasreality]

You say guys should pay for dates yet contradict yourself by saying you don't believe in roles.

[marianasreality]

This woman is completely outrageous! You can show a woman that you interested in her without spending a dime. Sounds sooo materialistic that a guy has to take a woman to some place where money has to be spent. You just met this person. Go to a park or something. Dates absent of a relationship should be free or equally paid for.

[NuwaniDeNubianLadyIE]

@marianasreality I feel you would do it to a nonblack high class so called type of woman? nobody says you have to spend yo life savings but come on I believe most men are very selective and operate on discretion to certain woman. Then later complain of how she is receiving it and taking advantage. come on think about it man

[andsanp]

So hypocritical!

[prlhrbrkid]

Men today are so simple. What happened to Chivalry?

[OmniDaAngel]

@prlhrbrkid Chivalry was one of the first things destroyed by the Feminist Movement. Men want to be chivalrous, however "strong and independent" women feel that it's only okay when its convenient for them.

Take this video: Women believe men should pay for dates regardless (convenience), yet I bet many of them will NOT be okay with a man making more money than them. Women, if you have money and can pay your share, do it; you can still show interest without making money the focus of it.

[SuperKingsincere]

She's got great points but look, you need to tell woman do not think a first date should be at an expensive restaurant!! I don't knooooooooooooooooooow you yet!!

[smoovb2005]

they wanna be independent, so pay hEalf, im not taking any sistas out anymore, ill cook dinner for u or something, if we cant start off simple, its not going to work!!! PEACE

[Debsterism]

@smoovb2005 No woman with good sense would come to your house on an early date. She doesn't know you! Why should she put her safety at risk to satisfy your cheapness? Going into an environment that has no other people is risky for her safety. You thinking this is a good date is all about YOU but not for her.

[NuwaniDeNubianLadyIE]

@Debsterism cosign sistar I also agree it is too risky this is something they wouldnt let their daughter do so why downplay? If you want a smart woman you have to understand it is certain lengths she will not and cannot go to !

[Mokurentate]

@XgrownazzmanX2

May no woman ever end up with your cynical ass. Ass.

[killavybz1]

and this is part of the reason why the black community is fucked up because you have women like this that think a guy should spoil women and guys shouldn't get shit come on u call this eqaul rights ? what happen to 50/50 or 100/100.... then girls like u wonder why u get treated like shit by the rich man

[openfist247]

Equal rights, equal expenses. Also, some women don't want you to pay because they don't want to be expected to put out. Some women will actually pay for you, also. Really, if she's into you, you may not even make it out of the door to the financial portion of the date.

[rikshaw223]

lady you are so out of touch with younger women today, you sound like an old record player trying to give an ipod advice about memmory storage. it's simple now,

if she pays for him, he gets laid.

if he pays for her, some other dude will be getting laid.

[Mokurentate]

@rikshaw223

It is a sad day when women pay to get used. :(

[rikshaw223]

@Mokurentate. thank you, i think every man learns that lesson the hard way from women that nice guy finish last, & it's not "sad" if women now know how it feels to be used they may stop useing men, not useing men this will help women attract the right men.

[CSL1]

There are many other ways a man can show me that I am special instead of spending money. How about actually engaging in a conversation about my likes and dislikes. The best gifts are the most well thought out gift.

[Mokurentate]

@CSL1

Talk is cheap.

[marianasreality]

@CSL1 If I ask a girl out, I'm taking her to some place where no money would be spent. It pretty much be just to talk.

[giftedindividuals]

Why should anyone pay for anything man or woman? Why not just meet in a public place and just converse with each other? If you agree thumbs up and inbox me.

[Yahpoli]

The best arrangement for me was when I dated someone who told me look," I don't drive and I can't cook but when we go out I will pay and make sure the car has enough gas."

When he came over to hang out at my place, I brought the groceries & cooked and he washed the dishes & cleaned the kitchen. If he stayed over, I ironed our clothes, cooked & served breakfast. He told my friends I was a good cook, kept a clean house and treated him great. Unfortunately he was against marriage & children

[natturnerX]

The only way I will pay for a date is that I offered to take them out. If the woman that im dating asked me if I would like to take her out, then I know that i'm dealing with a skank ho thats looking for a free meal. It is because of situations like this that chivalry is dead and I really have to be feeling you to spend one red cent on you!

[ayobeauty]

Instead of going out on dates, she could offer to clean his place, do his laundry and wash the dishes for a fee. If he's willing to pay aka provide in exchange for her services, she knows what kind of man she's got.

[cherubicnerd]

ms.,i know what you're saying. it's called chivalry. i,myself,would prefer to pay half. even if i were with a woman,i'd pay as well. i don't believe in the gender roles set by this patriarchal culture.

[JGvisions]

...seeing that the other party is not investing any resources in this business transaction in order to impress upon the other party that this business transaction will be fruitful. saying that not allowing men to pay for dates is respectfully BS and you should try doing your own concenses on what men think about that stuff. its actually refreshing to have your date pay for her half (atleast half the time) and shows that this relationship will be 50/50 instead of 80/20 the rest of the way!

[apothecary21c]

@MrBladeCrash Who said supporting a family was "a strictly economic affair"? I have traveled the world, and EVERYWHERE women do most of the child rearing and all of the being pregnant and giving birth. So what is your point? I already know you don't have to be the breadwinner to create or be part of a family. Duh!

I have met many people who argue these futile points who regularly step over the homeless, while claiming that only love matters. Tell that to the people sleeping in bus stop booths!

[meninrevolt]

what a bunch of whining.

[TheDirtyVillain]

LOL ALOT of white men pay for dates, NOT because they want to, but because they feel that they HAVE to, to pander to women and their self entitlement issues, and its the same for the majority of men no matter what race. If that weren't case then why are guys like Tom Leykis, Marc Rudov, Glenn Sacks, Neil Strauss etc hugely popular with WM?

The WM coming up in this generation are not chumps, and their resisting the B.S feminist doctrine dictating how they "should" act as men!

[bicycleseat1]

As a white guy, I just want to say one thing, she sounds just as spoiled and entitled as white women.

[alecfras]

@XgrownazzmanX2 Well, how else can a guy possibly show her that he cares enough about her (after reminding himself all of the reasons why he does, of course) than by buying her lots and lots of things so that she doesn't have to? Besides love coupons, that is. lol

[charlesh1609]

I've got to pay to spend time with a female?

By definition, she's a ho. I'm not a trick. Please exit to the left.

Oh, and all that "strong, independent, don't need no man, do bad by yourself? Take that with you, please.

[Debsterism]

@charlesh1609 Someone with your fonky attitude and ugly face would have to pay.

[momoneyindabank4]

@charlesh1609 Exactly brotha you're paying to see if you'll like her you know how much money you'll lose by trying that method. Know how many complain about guys they didn't like ? Imagine if she had to pay for him and her she'd be pissed lol. That's how we feel.

[GreeenArrow1]

@gtamemphiscity LOL great comment! ;)

[reignsupreme]

Tell me, if the man pays for the dates then what does the woman do?

[coptic777]

Strong & independent black women until it comes time to pay for shit. The hypocracy is amazing.

[Debsterism]

@coptic777 Why are you bitching about a $10 date? If you can't afford $10 for two coffees at Starbucks, you need to stay at home. Broke ass.

[alecfras]

@Debsterism That means a guy isn't supposed to bitch about a $1000 dollar date that he didn't want to spend for in the first place when he doesn't get anything at the end because "she's too tired".

[pakenhamin]

@Debsterism I don't pay for strangers. Until I get to know you we go dutch.

[rjdjones]

@Debsterism buy your own coffee - or are you a "broke ass" who expects to leech off men just because you've got tits?

[Debsterism]

@rjdjones If you asked me out, and you want me to pay for my own coffee, what is the point of going out with your cheap broke behind? I coulda stayed at home or went out with someone else, or even with friends. You think leeching is $2.50. Shows how low budget you are!

[rjdjones]

@Debsterism why would I ask you out? Even if I found you attractive you're obviously unpleasant company with the "entitled" attitude that expects equal pay, treatment etc except when it comes for paying for shit. Doesn't matter if it's a few dollars or few thousand - you don't "deserve" any money just because you're a woman - if you can make money too then you can spend it too. If you expect compensation from a man who wants to spend time with you these days ... hope you like cats :)

[Mokurentate]

@Debsterism

That's a very good point, Debster! The person who invites should pay.

[KiddDynamite270]

Debra, its not about the fact that men can't afford the date, its just that men like women don't like feeling obligated like they HAVE to do something because of their gender!

I'am sure if there was a response video where a man or your husband said to you right you HAVE to "wash those dishes" just because your a woman and that's your job, you and most women would probably be offended by that! treat others like you would like to be treated.

[coptic777]

@Debsteris You are immature. I can tell just like the rest of feminist types. You just proved my point cupcake. If you are strong & dont need no man to pay for things why are you bitching about men paying for a petty $10 date? Again it's hypocritical. You women contradict yourselves so much its hard to take you all seriously. One more reason why men today do not want to commit. "I'm strong" then the next minute "you owe me because Im a woman" You can't have both ways logic is above female minds

[NuwaniDeNubianLadyIE]

@coptic777 so weh ya want? huh? for us to do EVERYTHING then we will be called out on our so called masculinity? thats the constant accusation is our masculinity your not looking at it for what it is my bruvah. im not assuming anything about you but tell if im wrong would you say that about a nonblack women? would you go out of your way to pay for everything with no quarrel would you? Im not tryna argue but i must ask

[bikerchic650]

Hi Deb, just wondering. what do you think of that old trick- when the guy leaves his wallet at home? not that it has happened to me but i always wondered wtf that was about. Apparently Grant Hill did that to Tamia.

[Debsterism]

@bikerchic650 - I don't know what to say. In his case he obviously had the funds to pay but who knows what game that was if the story is even true.

[XDarkDestroyaX]

Debra you must be living in the stone age, women nowadays can PAY for their date, the 1st date men usually ask women out but by the 2nd its OK for women to pay. My girlfriend did this and made me fall in love with her even harder because she doesn't have female entitlement issues like you, I would never let her go. Women like to talk about feminsim, until it comes to relationships etc then they wanna act like its 1920 WTF??

The best way to decide if women want equaltiy is to give it to them!

[reignsupreme]

@XDarkDestroyaX Well stated!

[momoneyindabank4]

@XDarkDestroyaX Women want the standards of the dark ages but don't wanna keep up they end of the bargain of a woman in those ages such as cordial submissive woman which is usually displayed. They cool with it being the 1950's until you want her to be supportive, to do you womanly favors or just a favor period and then its 2000's I ain't yo damn slave, I ain't suckin that thang, I ain't cookin yo dinner, nigga I ain't doing shit. See the irony lol.

[CSL1]

@XDarkDestroyaX But this is not a feminist idea. A feminist would gladly pay half on the date because she would want to be treated like a human being and not someone's property. I don't understand why so many black people have this "either or" mentality when it comes to relationships. Communicating is essential. My date would know before hand that I am not an advocate of men paying for everything on a date. What is wrong with my partner treating me like his equal?

[veronicaburgess]

The 8:06 mark had me cracking up!!!!! Good vid!!!!!

[dmyst9]

check out my video "i deserve bonbons and filet mignon" gay or straight, the more dominant person should be paying in my opinion. same rules apply.

[kingru77]

I can roll with men paying for the date but if that's the case I also expect her if the relationship develops that she remain in her lane. Understanding that I wear the big draws and I'm the man but the issue is a majority of these woman want the man to be the man when it comes to money but be passive in all other phases of the relationship. So it's the same thing in reverse with the man ending up wearing panties as you say. If you say you independent and all that other garbage prove it.

[torresstr8]

@neverforgotrock: correct again! take care

[torresstr8]

@neverforgotrock :

I know you weren't being racist; you were being CORRECT! I was agreeing with you ( that's why I said i approve your message) . this woman is nuts. may you also have a great day;) .

[torresstr8]

@neverforgotrock: I'm black and I approve this (your) message.

[torresstr8]

@StonFX: EXACTLY! If the woman pays her half we know she's treating us like a HUMAN BEING!

[SLIMGOODIES06]

STOP GOIN OUT WIT BROKE MOFO!!! LMAO

[Debsterism]

Sadly, the only race of men that bitch and moan about paying for dates are Black men. Yup, Black men. Cheap, broke down, don't want to pay for a date but want to get every single benefit and use a woman up... Black men. Get it together! No families can be formed by men too selfish to share. A selfish date is a selfish mate and a selfish father. Women need to understand that character traits are demonstrated early by men. Men tight with a few bucks are tight with their heart and time as well.

[torresstr8]

@Debsterism:

Do you honestly percieve a link between emotions and money? So u think 'doing something nice' only involves spending money? How about tidying her house? This is the problem with many women nowadays. Madame, this is foolish, stupid, outdated misguided , IRRESPONSIBLE commentary/ advice.

ON a 1st date don't even know if she will turn out to be 'a lady'. Not all women are ladies. A lady is a cultivated, well mannered, FAIR MINDED woman. you're an angry confused woman.

[XDarkDestroyaX]

@Debsterism LOL Women are the cheapest creature on earth! how can a man be cheap or broke, if hes is willing to pay for himself on dates but your NOT. On AskMen those SAME guys who took that survey are ALWAYS THE ONES complaining and bitching that "Women always go for badboys" "Women shun nice guys, and hook up with thugs" yadda, yadda, they think spending money on women taking them on expensive dates etc makes them attracted to you, IT DON'T!!!!!

[NoCutCard612]

@XDarkDestroyaX

C/S. It's ironic how these same broads who bitch about dudes not paying for a date, are the same ones who are quick to fuck the dude who says, "pay for your own, I don't know you like that. Take it or leave it". If the she does find a dude who pays for everything, she makes him wait for the ass, and plays him for a simp. While he's sleeping alone, thinking he can buy her affection, she's getting her back blown out by the dude who told her "take it or leave it".

[GreeenArrow1]

@NoCutCard612 I AGREE, there just programming guys to be SIMPS who trick off their money for them whilst they play the field, everyone KNOWS women are not attracted to those type of guys till they hit 30. I understand Debsterism wants to teach women a bit of "game" but your just making relationships between men and women more complicated than it needs to be. The times where a dude pays for all dates is OUTDATED, women want equality so put your money where your mouth is!

[Debsterism]

@GreeenArrow1 Plenty of women do just that. And they are STILL at home alone. Paying for a date merely lets the man off easy while he still wants to be treated with the same respect and admiration a man who does step up gets. You wanna play a punk role, don't get upset when you get treated like one. Shrug. I wouldn't go out with you but that's just me.

[GreeenArrow1]

@Debsterism Woman please, LOL@ you wouldn't go out with me? Your too goddam OLD to be dating anyway, how old are you...60? Because your mindset reflects that age.

Fine, you want men to "step up" to the plate and take their role, well I hope women like yourself are ready step up to the plate and take YOUR natural role which is to get back in the kitchen, cook, clean, suck dick and STFU!

[Debsterism]

@NoCutCard612 You are talking about two different types of women and mixing them all into one just because they have the same skin color. Shame on you.

[momoneyindabank4]

@NoCutCard612 Lmao completely off.

[Resume08]

do your husband agreed with the garbage u just said? utter nonsense...........

[Debsterism]

@Resume08 My husband ALWAYS paid for everything. That is why he got married and you did not.

[andre12593]

You have a good theme but not standard for all situations. I personally dont mind paying for a date. But if a sister dont even show interest in my hard earned money I dont want her to use me. A date dont necessarily end in relationshps. The provision will come if we futher the relationship. As for broke MF. Many million-aires were broke at some point. The women that judged them based on their financial status before they achieved their status sure look like fools. Dont ever judge based on that

[rlthema2525]

So true! I am a grad student, black male. I always pay when I take a woman out on a date. But whenever I date these self-nominated "successful black women," they insist on paying as if to say "I can take care of myself I don't need your money." This attitude stems from a lack of a solid father figure.

As result, whenever I am dating a women(B or W), I always ask (in an indirect and intelligent way) how is her relationship with her father. The answer says great deal about how she will treat me.

[IbnSheba]

@sallylongpants

-----Do you know where I took the women I came closest to marrying for my first date? I took her to the St. Louis Art Museum. It was FREE totaly FREE....

[Debsterism]

@IbnSheba Good for you.

[IbnSheba]

@sallylongpants

----Of course you work it out so it's fair. Dates shouldn't be an economic drag for either side. But so long as guys ask women out (another custum that could be updated) guys should pay for dates. Relationships take time effort and money. They are investments. Spend some money on her see & how she reacts. Do some stuf that's free, and let her treat you. But don't through out the whole concept of dating cause women work too.

[IbnSheba]

@sallylongpants

----There are those who consider a man's wife to be a kind of prostitute for him. He supports her and she gives him sex. I don't agree with that. Nor do I agree with your point. I think having the guy pay for and plan the date is just a good way for a guy to get the woman's respect and attention. Make it fun, make it cheap, make it about her.....

[momoneyindabank4]

I'm not saying as a guy I haven't done a nice thing for a woman but I don't agree in paying for dates when I'm not sure if this woman on my team and its a sure thing she gonna be mine. Paying for random dates just to pay to play is absurd.

This type of thinking never allows women to elevate their game or upgrade anything about themselves if all she relying on is her sexuality and her being a different sex.

[Debsterism]

@momoneyindabank4 What part of $10 coffee date do you guys not get? If you cannot afford $10 or $7 actually for two coffees at Starbucks, then you don't deserve to call yourself a man.

[momoneyindabank4]

@Debsterism What a man and woman is by interpretation and perception. In my manners if a man cant afford some things he should shift much of his focus toward getting himself together however even if he did he still isn't entitled to buy a woman things or do this and that because she has a vagina or she a female. Same as she make me prove myself or own up I'm gonna do the same I'm gonna make her own up and show me what she made of. Entitement is the worst attitude anyone can have man or woman.

[pakenhamin]

@Debsterism And women like you will filter yourself out of the pool of women that I may be interested in.

[JGvisions]

@Debsterism damn, thats harsh,lol. im not a man because i cant afford two coffees at starbucks,lol? that sounds like a good 80 of the unemployed black men in america that are of age to work,lol. though i wonder do Black women and women in general realize how lop-sided this business relationship is. i mean, financially, men will be taking care of a good 80-90% of the financial expenses in the relationship (in regards to the completion of the courting process leading to, and after marriage). part1

[JGvisions]

This is on top of the sociol/cultural requirement that men must fulfill in regards to dating and marriage such as being a provider, a protector, leader and guide to the family, ect. Mind you in this relationship, what is the give and take between the two parties in this "transaction"? what do women bring to the table in this regard? what is your value based on in order to get this type of treatment? what do i get in return beside sex (if it comes to that)? part2

[JGvisions]

I know most women would say euphamistically that they are worth it but cant come up with concrete details as to why they should be treated the way the culture says they should be. though this mindset itself is contradictory to the whole we are equal thing and such but i guess this is usually not addressed. value is based upon what you can realistically give. men have apparent value in how they can provide financially, Protection, and social status. women can have the same value...part3

[JGvisions]

as men in generally but culturally do not have to display these values upfront like men do. they are not expected to be the breadwinner in the relationship and in dating period, do not have to put up front what they offer in "concrete value" in the short term or long term of the relationship. So its like going into a business partnership with another party and you are expected to provide all the resources and backing for it yet you dont know if the venture will pull through or not and...part4

[creativebrother]

@Debsterism Wow. I guess a self-supporting male college student who cannot afford to pay for a coffee date because he spent all of his money on tuition and books does not deserve to call himself a man either.

[michael616joaquin]

@Debsterism You're a retard.

[momoneyindabank4]

I don't think its bad to pay for dates but problem with this concept is you raise many women to be hoes and men to be born tricks. Look atthe concept. You should do all these things because well she a woman, she has a vagina, and she might be beautiful so there for this is why you must pay. This gives women a sense of self entitlement without ever having to earn a thing. Its no brainer why half these women are crazy and havea horrible concept of reality.

[JJCW08]

I THINK IT IT DEPENDS ON THE PERSON WHO IS THE INVITER.. IF A WOMAN INVITES ME TO A DATE THEN EXPECTS FOR ME TO PAY LATER ON THEN SHE MUST BE TRIPPIN!!

[IbnSheba]

@sallylongpants

-----I agree that the relationship must be fair and balanced. But in general guys should pay for the dates. Women can have guys over for dinner. Above all else dates shouldn't be all too expensive. The point is getting to know her; she isn't for sale!

[jadeisback]

stop going out with broke mutha fuckers......lol I like that.....

I wish i would pay for dinner..... only on Birthdays is right..... my dude woudnt allow me to . anyway..... this video was long over due....some bw need to set standards... and stick to them.....

[DoMiNaTeOLDErWoMeN]

of course, if i asked her on the date i will pay for her, but nowadays women are so desperate that they practically throw themselves at you IF you tick the box. women of the old days had class. women of today are lol in comparison. even my grandmother agrees, so there.

[DoMiNaTeOLDErWoMeN]

lol at these women with self entitlement. i pay for me, if shes independent, she can pay for herself. why pay for a woman, when paying for a woman symbolically represents my ability to provide for her, i.e 'keep her', as an object. women never complain about objectification as it serves to make men spend money on them..its only when they lose control of the negociations that you hear that crap.

a woman who cant get a date is in no position to demand anything when she finally gets one. lol

[Debsterism]

@DoMiNaTeOLDErWoMeN I hope you are not one of the broke mutha fuckas I talk about avoiding like the plague. Men too cheap to get off $20 to take a woman out don't deserve to have any type of girlfriend, date or wife EVER. Who cares what your grandmother thinks? Grown men should not need their Grannies to cosign for them. Anyway, she is old and from a different world when men still pulled out women's chairs, opened doors and wore slacks and laundered shirts. So there.

[DoMiNaTeOLDErWoMeN]

i run a newspaper.

you women reach for your pocket and pay for your meal if you take the initiative. i pay for a woman if i invite her on a date (as i mentionned), same as I pay for my boys if we go out somewhere. I ask them 'what you havin' and spread that money.

however, a woman telling me how i need to handle my paper, esp when she cant secure her own is lol.

and my granny from a different world, as is chivalry. such was the point.

and 'deserve a wife'? ever? who you supposed to be?

[melvin1123]

@Debsterism SHES PAYING BECAUSE HES NOW A STAY AT HOME DAD. LOL YOU ARE REAL

[IbnSheba]

----I am a WM age 50+ years. Whenever I asked a woman out I expected to pay for the date/ dates. Of course relationships should be balanced & fair. That doesn't mean a woman owes me anything beyond the date I asked her out on. Looking back most girlfriends I have dated have had me over and fixed me meals.

[IbnSheba]

@IbnSheba

----I suppose I would rather have a women wanting to pay half, than have a women think I think a date entitles me to something sexual (it doesn't). Neither sex nor paying half is what I require. I expect to spend money to get to know a woman. And I am just fine with that.

[UTubeuzername84]

great video! we need 2 be reminded of things like this sometimes!

[nancydrew5]

If a man takes a woman out to an expensive restaurant, then it is assumed he planned and budgeted beforehand for the expense of that restaurant and wouldn't expect the woman to pay for it. If a woman steps in and pays for a date that he planned she is showing him that she is his safety net and he doesn't have to prove anything. lol

[nancydrew5]

A man who insists on women paying for dates and going dutch is a stingy man imo. If he can't afford to pay for dates, then he needs to get his finances together in order to afford to date. And be creative with dates. They don't always have to be the proverbial movie and dinner date. How about picnics, going to a museum. A date that allows you to get to know each other and interact. Dates don't have to be expensive. AA women let men pay for dates, let him prove that he pay for dates.

[IbnSheba]

@nancydrew5

----Museums are great ! Plenty of time in nice surroundings, a lot of material to prompt good conversation, and so many wonderful museums to select from. For all of the above reasons, I prefer Art Museums and History Museums. Good for first dates, check for upcomming exhibits.

[apothecary21c]

I agree 100%. A man who can't afford to pay for a date, couldn't possibly be capable of supporting a family. So why would you date him, unless you want to be his lifelong "date", and not a wife and mother? I have NEVER paid for a date, or dated a man who was fool enough to think I would. LOL. If hetero women didn't "need" a man, they wouldn't date men.

And yes, I was raised by my FATHER and mother. And they had a so-called "traditional" -- I call it normal -- relationship.