David Cross - Funniest Thing Ever Happened

[PathMidnight]

you can tell that is a half made up joke, the made up half was enhancement, which actually made it way less funny, as lying in a joke usually does!

[OneWayRoad]

he pretty much explained the story in 3 words: he was high

[benjaminpaige]

did I just see david cross in an alvin and the chipmunks movie? Im calling you out on you're lame shit, you talk shit about everyone else and their bad decisions; and while you are fucking hilarious, you are a fucking sell out! There is no way you were offered that part with out immediately asking "what does it pay?" and it is that type of bull shit that will land you in the reject bin with Dane Cook.

[TheFootOfGold]

@benjaminpaige WHAT THE FUUUCK DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT DANR COOK!!!!???

[Princepurple1]

@TheFootOfGold and hes also not fucking funny at all.

[MetalAnonym0us]

@TheFootOfGold He's not fucking funny at all.

[TheFootOfGold]

@MetalAnonym0us So I think someone is funny and you don't. I think since I find humor in something I win this argument.

[lblitzer]

@benjaminpaige lol he's admitted himself that he only does shitty movies on purpose for the money

[boourns86]

@benjaminpaige I saw an interview where he tried to justify it. He acknowledged that it was a sellout, but said that it paid basically more than anything else he's ever done combined, and it's allowed him to be in a position financially that he can pick and choose what work he takes now.. In unrelated news, David Cross to star in Alvin and the Chipmunks 3 through 14... In his defense, it's a children's show, and there is no such thing as an "indie" kids show. Why would you watch it anyways?

[Tmants5654]

How are the top comments about how not funny this is? Can you imagine that situation!? Hysterical! The pure bliss of seeing sweet old people and innocent younglings being associated with a giant elephant's vagina!

[chevrier233]

@lethalintents wow bro, that must be exciting for you. God knows theres not A MILLION other people with that name.

[Tmants5654]

@chevrier233 Don't be a dick.

[LethaIntents]

My last name is Cross also....Hahaha. Interesting....



[LightWillIgniteUsAll]

He'll be on a brycicle.

[tayloreh]

David Cross should play Elton John in a biopic! OMG

[rollomaughfling]

lol "Syrup O'Conner."

[AirlayLeekoh]

Tampa Bay shithole. got to love the 813! XD

[JSasRays]

TAMPA BAY, GO RAYS!!

[siralfred7]

Stupid

[Ajarvis747]

Comedian*

[yoshimickster]

@Ajarvis747 It's one thing to insult a good comedian. BUT DOUBLE POST?! Do you have no morals at all sir?

[Ajarvis747]

Worse comidian ever

[amedice11]

@Ajarvis747 Yeah, you have to actually be intelligent to like him. It's okay though, it's not your fault.

[undergroundamericana]

@amedice11 you have to be intelligent to like the comedian that tells jokes about elephants pissing on people?

[KingDavidANC]

@undergroundamericana No. You have to be intelligent to appreciate intelligent comedians' humor. This is a bit less intelligent compared to most of his stuff.

[DukeDanceum]

What stand-up special is this from? I can find the whole thing anywhere.

[BePatient]

rollie fingers reference



[TommYYZ]

Florida is really bad in general, wacky people armed to the teeth, not like the people armed to the teeth here in Utah.

[LacksCommonSense]

he's not kidding, tampa's a really shitty town

[boourns86]

David Cross is funny. This joke, not so much. Nothing to see here, move along.

[TheLongestMile]

@boourns86 dude totally! I decided not to listen to you because there were 600 votes, and boy do i regret that decision.

[legr8est1234]

I'll be honest...not that funny.

[writheinpain]

I feel like he missed a punch line at the end there.

[RealCoolFreakinGuy]

This joke is about 4 1/2 minutes too long...

[KingDavidANC]

@RealCoolFreakinGuy What do you talking about? All of the sub-jokes (Joke within a joke?) leading up to it just add to the comedy.

[oneirishpoet]

@RealCoolFreakinGuy and you are about 5 minutes too retarded...

[RealCoolFreakinGuy]

@oneirishpoet That doesn't even make sense... I see you share Cross' sense of humour...

[oneirishpoet]

@RealCoolFreakinGuy and I see you area fucking moron, also...and definitely NOT cool asshole, too :)

[RealCoolFreakinGuy]

@oneirishpoet Mature.

[oneirishpoet]

@RealCoolFreakinGuy adolescent asshole, also

[RealCoolFreakinGuy]

I'm from Tampa Bay... I agree 100%!! Tampa sucks... although Busch Gardens is pretty awesome...

[luvinsparrow]

lol, I go to school there hahaha!! sooo true!

[MECHDread]

Not funny? geesh, I laughed my ass off. ah well, takes all kinds i sappose.

[jackjackattackk09]

this guy freakin sucks. he's not funny at all.

[zalmanusa]

@jackjackattackk09 Why don't you upload a video of your standup routine so we all can see how uberskilled you are compared to sir david cross. If you don't have one then shut the fuck up you judging piece of shit.

[jackjackattackk09]

@zalmanusa see now your lameass irreverence is so fucking funny you should do stand up. HA I JOKE.

[Eagles1978]

48 people are 108 years-old and live in Tampa Bay.

[KoFDee]

Yes... British comedy is far superior......

[KingDcome11]

Sucks

[VGAfanatic]

Y'know that thing they say about elephants never forgetting?

You're welcome.

[TheRealEzzy]

not that great..

[Sockr44e]

@CitySkin09 you missed half the joke. "A Jewish kid goes up to his father and asks for $5.  His father says $4? What do you need $3 for? Here's $2, give a dollar to your brother."

[AgressoExpresso]

I wonder if i would look good in a shirt like that.

[MrDorkusMaximus]

@AgressoExpresso I know I don't. :)

[thecrimsonfloyd]

@Terrapin7171 Alright, I'll bite... What the fuck do you think is funny?

[ishantomar]

:(

[Terrapin7171]

David Cross:Unfunny.

[agorapocalypse]

@Terrapin7171 you're a total fucking pussy. kill yourself immediately.

[Terrapin7171]

@agorapocalypse Fuck YOU! If you think this douche is funny, you're a fuckin' retard and stupid as shit.

[revejump97]

Finally some one understands my pain!!!! I fucking hate it here in Tampa Bay! Dx

[thedjscotto]

The WORST part about Tampa, are all the clowns from other cities that move here just to talk about "well back home we did this," yet those rejects were lame enough to move to Tampa!?

[thedjscotto]

TRUE STORY. I live here, it fuckin blows, there's too much fuckin water, nothing to do, you have to commute EVERYWHERE, and everything is way too fuckin expensive for how much money you make.

[C1570M]

NEXT TO WHAT?

[WoWfReAk216]

To everyone that thinks that Dane cross isn't a good comedian, you all have no sense of humor. Oh, one more thing, fuck you and have a nice day! :D

[reyreyskaterman]

well this wasn't the funniest thing I've seen

[morvelification]

so young in this

[ihateurmom]

To all the people who don't think David Cross is a good stand-up comedian, do us all a favor and go watch Dane Cook. You don't know shit about comedy.

[codyofga]

wow so fucking funny. i think i had a heart attack from his antics. seriously tho this guy should not be in entertainment. horrible act and horrible 'punch line'. this guy sucks BALLS!

[k1llk1ngph30n1x]

Seriously Tampa sucks balls, its not just the weather either. It's a shitty place.

[chinaclub]

the entire logistics of this joke are based on delivery and strategic english composition.. He is a pro with using semi intelligent story frame up until the punchline.. where here he delivers with an flawless slue of adjectives of the elephants pussy.. that right there is the climax. then he settles the joke down but still shakes you with a conclusion to wrap the story up

[tomsaint316]

shittest comedian ever.

american comedy is wank apart from two n half men.

[collateralus]

@tomsaint316

not sure if troll....

[thanksforthemessdick]

@tomsaint316 yeah I know.Charlie Sheen sleeps with whores and then has breakfast with a 12 year old.I'm laughing just thinking about it(American Dad)

[fugepoo]

i waiting on Raleigh Fingers a couple times at Red Robin(terrible company, don't eat there) in Las Vegas. Bad Tipper.

[iREELintheFILM]

Wow, this guy is awesome on Arrested Development... he is not really a good standup comedian. :(

[matz107]

Terrible delivery

[GhilliedUp]

Not funny. Watched it until 4 minutes and I couldn't go on.

[DrinkSkateSleep]

@GhilliedUp He's usually funny lol.. Not this time.

[TheDami1969]

TOBIAS!!!!



[UnknownSun556]

38 people are from Tampa Bay.

[infoherper]

THIS FAGGOT GRABBED ALVIN BY THE NECK

[JonMcAlpineOfficial]

the way he described Tampa, its more like the best place in the world, weed would grow nice there !

[VvDOPAMEANvV]

thank you david.

[CitySkin09]

A Jewish kid goes up to his father and hits him up for fifty dollars. The dad said "Forty dollars?! Are you outta your mind? What are you gonna do with thirty dollars?"

[samurai1833]

@CitySkin09 funnier than the cross bit!

[CitySkin09]

@samurai1833 -- I know, that joke just came outta nowhere!

[TheRosenbergTrials]

@CitySkin09

joke goes: "forty dollars? what do you need thirty dollars for? listen, if i had 20 dollars, id give you ten, so here's five".

[winrich7173]

@CitySkin09 love that joke. Bigger and Blackerer was the best

[jjrcanada]

@CitySkin09 Ha! It's funny because you're a racist douche!

[Drewbon5000]

@jjrcanada it's funny because it's funny..

[localvandals]

Perfect description of Tampa.

[91Ducky]

what is this show, can you get it on dvd or anything anywhere?

[cagdassalur]

not funny

[Metalip]

I'm afraid I just blue myself

[LooneyM3]

@Metalip blue?

[axsmedia]

@LooneyM3 Arrested Development. Buy all the of the seasons on DVD for yourself and everyone you know, watch it all 3 times in a row (because you will miss a lot of the jokes the first time around), then come back here and thank me.

[jimbobklyn1963]

he's wearing kurt cobains clothing.

[RaynMan718]

How about i give you a standing ovation.

[Slasha00]

@softan

He meant a pull you could feel.

You see, most humans have the ability to divine information from context. That little tid bit of information you are speaking wasn't important to the joke at hand; everyone understood what it meant regardless of their knowledge of basic physics.

Try not to be such a huge douchebag. Did you major in physics or something because that must have hit you harder than it should have.

[hiveimperious]

@softan You're over analyzing the joke. He's exaggerating for the sake of comedy. Just open yourself up to the humor and you'll get it.

[ebusive]

@softan: douche.

[Mbarnardexperience]

@softan

Jesus Christ you're boring...

[HesperInnocence]

@softan Who gives a shit?

[ferrariimsorry]

@softan u misspelled metaphor genius

[theliquidchild]

@softan Everyone remotely educated understands the use of exaggeration in comedy. Sometimes you have to read between the lines or look beyond the plain meaning of things.

[sccitylhh]

@softan

Look up hyperbole genius.

[healthhaterxx]

@ flannel flame. I miss the 90s. it's too bad most comedians from the gen x college music wave were or became unfunny / went political to stay famous. Cross is definitely the best of that breed. I don't know if i like him or hate him but the outfit and the cynical bite remind me of my tribe before pop culture drowned them in blond boob jobbed narcissism The 90s will ride again as Larry the cable guy would say. I'm going to wear funky colored blazers like Seinfeld to subvert the current decade

[TheSentimental97]

I DIDNT MURDER MY BROTHER!!!....I DIDNT!

[StealerOfPieV2]

Man, with that flannel and those ripped jeans, David Cross looks like the '90s personified in this video.

[randyj420]

one of my favorite recorded bits of his

[Lightning972]

hahaha david cross had an earring

[turtledeerbirdinsect]

I though it was leading to the elephant sitting on its trainer. Head in vagina action.

[ferdinand4444]

he milked it too much by the end its not that funny

should be a 3min skit.

[personcheese1234]

i live in tampa bay and it is pretty shitty

[cobraswan]

how "90's" is that silly get up he's wearing?

[chakadoo]

@cobraswan your prolly wearing skinny jeans and black flag t-shirt, so your "get up" cant be to much better then his...faggot

[cobraswan]

@chakadoo whoa didn't mean to hurt your feelings. If you're hanging on to your best years with some jumbo self inflicted knee rip and grunge flannel then wear it with pride. just the fact that you 1)took offense to my comment referencing his "90's" fashion (this is a 90's video dipshit). and 2) you call people faggot to try and win a weak ass argument, says it all. You're not worth the fight.

[chakadoo]

@cobraswan so i was right about the skinny jeans.....hmm i knew it....just to let you know they make you look like an asshole

[cobraswan]

@chakadoo

i agree, I'd look like an asshole in skinny jeans cause I'm too tall and the Black Flag shirt may as well be Ed Hardy these days.

But i am getting a clear picture of what intimidates you.

You are lunging out at the concept that I might be a skinny jeans wearer.

what is it about those skinny jeans that compels you to point and yell "faggot"?

Is there something inside you that tingles at the sight? You wrestling with butterflies when encountering those tight jeans in your proximity?

[chakadoo]

@cobraswan your first comment was about the dudes clothing choice and not about his comedy if that doesnt scream faggot i dont know what does.

also be a little more original....someone calls you a faggot and you pull out the "im rubber your glue bullshit"? what are you in 4th grade

but i checked your profile your what 36?, dont be angry cause your life partner hates you, and i was prolly wrong about the skinny jeans, im gonna go with sweats that go over your beer gut you rib eating slob

[cobraswan]

@chakadoo

Just give up on the profiling attempts. Although it is funny knowing that you spent time in your evening to research me to come up with a better insult than "faggot".

36 = sweats wearing, rib eater, hated by his partner?

Just stick to calling people "faggot" and don't step too far outside your capacity to talk shit.

[chakadoo]

@cobraswan profiling attempts? this aint crimnal minds asshole, i said "im gonna go with sweats that go over your beer gut" this was my guess, not me stating facts.

oh and me spending time during my evening researching you wasnt so bad it was either take a shit or hit your name to the left and check your profile and hold off on said shit for 20 seconds more

i do like how you skipped over the part in my last comment about you being a unoriginal, stop recycling other comments...faggot

[belisariusorb]

Being urinated on by a pachyderm is one of the more pleasurable experiences you can have in Florida

[bob333dobbs]

I had a similar experience to this when I was 11, visiting the Stanley Park Zoo in Vancouver with my parents. We were watching the polar bears along with a large crowd. This was in the summer, in the lower part of Canada, a climate foreign to polar bears, a species used to roaming for miles and not used to captivity. One of the bears turned his ass to the crowd and took a huge dump. I thought it was hilarious,but it stuck with me because I realized the bear was giving the audience the finger.

[EVILDICK0069]

David is a one of a kind master of his craft!

His bit gets me every time!

I love it keep doing it!

[schlaghappy]

as someone who had the miss fortune to grow up in tampa i can say with 100 percent certainty that old people are very slow

[TruthFister8600]

yeah, I live in jacksonville, fl. I've traveled to tampa a good couple of times since I've moved. I whole heartedly agree w/David Cross about Tampa, there isn't shit to do there. Boring as fuck.

[HWingo]

And you live in Jacksonville, right? That's the funniest comment on YouTube.

[silverbuell]

@TruthFister8600

get ready for constant rain, heroin junkies galore, skinheads, blood/crip wannabes, aggressive beggers(when you are broke too this gets annoying), people stuck in the 60's (? 50 years ago, move on), people stuck in the 90's, judgemental "liberals" (i eat meat, why so many questions about politics and God?). geography changes won't make you happy. that nambla remark was kind of creepy too. plus i found florida to be sociopathic gothic: death metal, motorcycle gangs, pathos..

[TruthFister8600]

yeah, that's what I've heard. and dead on about florida . I'm hoping that my music career will do better when I move out to the west, as there is a far more lucrative music scene out there. sorry bout the nambla joke, after looking at the comment it didn't go over well. I had Zach Galafinakis' joke in mind about how it's hard to get a table for one at chucky cheese's (purple onion dvd). I'm sure I'll be annoyed by the different set of problems out there but I'll sure be glad to leave the south.

[TruthFister8600]

+ I was pissed when I made that aforementioned comment and wasn't thinking about what I was saying. I hate it when you say something weird and you don't realize what you said until afterward. fuckin awkward :\ and yeah I've heard other people mention the extreme liberals. Whether it be conservative or liberal, extremism in any form of politics is against what I believe in. damn I'm high to make this long a response hahah thanks for the heads up about what I may run into in Oregon.

[HWingo]

Sorry, dude. Funny is funny, and that made me laugh. From the way you put it, it sure sounded like you were implying that Tampa's a hellhole compared to Jax. Don't take it personally.

[HWingo]

And btw Portland's awesome. Good on you.

[HWingo]

It's all good. I know what it's like. I hope your move goes awesomely well. Meanwhile, keep breathing.

[TruthFister8600]

+the people drive either 20 mph below the speed limit, or 20mph above.

[dabombdanh3]

Miss fortune? Looks like someone really did grow up in Tampa...

[TimesNuRoman]

Cross you blowhard!

[ryankdunne]

He's not saying this is the funniest thing in the world ever, he's saying its the funniest thing he's ever seen personaly. Everybody has the one story that tickles them but nobody else. You might get a haha...yeah outta telling the story, but you still think its the funniest thing ever.

[Cesabo]

alright tampa!

[pistolerofetus]

FUCK TAMPA

[iSkillz86]

@pistolerofetus Fuck you!



[lucifersnumber1girl]

@pistolerofetus fuck you

[shtickymayne]

not his best but still entertaining. 4 stars

[quasiphatpaul]

Agreed it's good okay David Cross but this was probably the middle of an hour show.

[Mythification]

I hate zoo!

[Hurricane333]

If none of you like David Cross, why did you go to the effort of typing his name on the youtube search bar and leaving a negative comment on his video? I don't know about you, but I think youtube works when you search for people you DO like.

[1991stacy]

@Hurricane333 Just because we don't find him funny here doesn't mean we don't like him in general.

[OFrostO09]

you dont have to type his name in to watch one of his vids sometimes its recommended or comes up as something else.

[Hurricane333]

OFrostO09 - you're missing the point. If you don't like it, don't watch it.

[1991stacy]

I'm sorry but that was not comedy. It was like your friend telling you something funny that had happened but a comedian doing it as a bit doesn't work. Or at least that's how I feel about it.

[halfeatenface]

Your name is 1991stacy, which means you are too young to have lived in the days when people had a real sense of humor.

However, this is definitely not David Cross' best work, and I don't blame you for not liking it. You should look up "Mr. Show", that's where most people heard of him (and its epically funny).

[1991stacy]

@halfeatenface Thanks! I am watching some of them right now and they're just hilarious.

I thought he was funny before (ie. arrested development) I just wasn't into this clip.

[Plowdal1342431]

David Cross is like the "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" for stand up comedy. In other words, we have a few chuckles here and there, and then we wait for a huge laugh to come. And when it does it kind of makes it all worth it in the end. In a way, that's a bad thing AND a good thing. Its bad because we are not laughing throughout the whole thing, and it's good because when that one or two big laughs come, they're always "gut-bursting" laughs.

[Adam67890]

Unlike a lot of comedians, however this is because all of his bits are based on the premise of opening his audience's eyes. This is most often done by him employing an elaborate anecdote or simple truth that leads up to the gut-bursting and revealing truth.

[NewAgeEagles]

@Adam67890 unlike alot of american comedians, i think you'll find that this style is very simaler to almost every british comedian

[F33bs]

@Adam67890 I highly doubt David Cross is more interested in "opening peoples eyes" than making people laugh.

[Adam67890]

Hence, "his bits are based on the premise of opening his audience's eyes." I know not what he is most interested, nor would I assume that you do either. I can say for sure that he does indeed seem--at least to an audience--to be interested in both making us laugh while broadening our perspectives as well.

[TheDrCrippleShow]

@Adam67890 I'm baked right now but I think I understood that.

[ArtsLover12]

well put, I agree. Although I think this is one of his weaker bits. He has some jokes with quite a few gut-bursting laughs throughout.

[sr038]

I wish I'd seen that

[lednirvana2112]

go grunge