adoption hurts - truth ignored

[IBeatUpThugs]

Good video. I related to the part about what "would have happened" had I not been adopted. I was told variations throughout my childhood, I would have been "flushed down the toilet" "thrown in a dumpster" "left in an alleyway" My adopted mother eventually tried to get rid of me by filing false police reports claiming I hit "her and her husband" and "repeatedly threatened to kill them".

Adoption is really a nightmare.

[rmsquirrel]

My co-worker found her for me in 2008 and now we are together again-where we should've been all along.Sometime CPS just went with claims instead of really finding out the truth.But that was back in the 80's and I guess times were different then...but we missed so much and it's had to come to terms with that and now she knows the hell I was put thru and it's hard on her too.She always kept me safe and loved...until she couldn't have me anymore and I was put in a totally different & abusive house.

[mrswalker1012]

it is utter shit sometimes adoption is the best thing for the child unless u done it then don't speak bad about it.

[kateh34]

I'm Adopted and i get hurt and i feel rejected sometimes but i never feel dat much hate because i would never have known the people i love so much now or who love me.... try not to always think negatively i know its hard but theres many positives!!!!

[MrBrian987987]

My natural mother gave me up but then says that she didn't want to. SCORE! one more for Edna Gladney. Yeah, you're right, it's a war for profit, ego and kids. I know someone right now who is using being a pastor to adopt two children from social services, when the natural mother wants them back, and only lives a mile away. They get mad when she starts to get her life together, like ha ha, you never will.

[eagoodlife]

I too have a great day to day life,great family, have had two careers and a 'good adoption'.I was lucky enough to be reunited with my mother and with my father's other children.The missing years will never disappear, the trauma of being taken from my mother will always leave scars which I acknowledge and live with, but they are scars.Suffering is individual, there's no league table and no judgements to be made on who had the worse time.

Adoptees support other adoptees whatever the story.

[jagismyname]

I pray for you because you are a sad person. You clearly do not understand adoption. Or the heart of most adoptive parents. If you have had a hard life I am sorry perhaps it's times you forgive and come to turms with the fact that many are willing to love a child who was not born to them. From other countries or from there own. I have myself adopted a child. I do hurt for you and your distorted views.

[eagoodlife]

How can an adopted person not understand adoption? Most adopted people are sad, hurt amongst other things, some of them much worse and they understand adoption as no-one else can.These views are not distorted, they are the truth, maybe you don't like to hear the truth? So for those 'willing to love a child not born to them' we are to be grateful? To play the game of not being ourselves, with our true identities? Time to get real.

[SPAYPET]

you are is abbreviated "you're", not "your". So "Your just jealous" should be written "You're just jealous." Thanks.

[corcor301]

Some people dont know when to stop lying to themselves. Just because someone is adopted, it does not mean that they are atoumatically addopted for the benefits. certain people have to adop if they want a childt. And believe or not, some people actually want to make a difference in someone elses life...this is like racism, and gay hate, POINTLESS ...I'm sorry that somehow your life is fucked up, but just because something happened to you doesn't mean that its the same for everyone else.

[bigredwhale1]

ignorant ↓ stop giving advice when your not trained to do so

[themange59]

Life is hard for everyone, harder for some. Adoption offers children that are not wanted to be wanted. Some of my best friends are adopted, they struggle with it from time to time, but if they weren't struggling with that they'd be struggling with something else. Point is I know they're glad they're here, and so am I. I struggle with anxiety and depression, I wasn't adopted, so what do I have to blame for that? Life sucks, stop playing the victim and deal with your problems.

[much2say1]

themange59 some of my best friends are dogs... but I dont know how it REALLY feels to be a dog! adoption is NOT about being wanted or not wanted it should be about a child being loved, raised and secure with out the need for birth records and personal history being altered. Adoption reforms are needed. For the record Im glad im here hope you sort your depression and anxiety out.

[eagoodlife]

Right on!!

[krissykirchmann]

@much2say1 Rubbish! Rubbish! Rubbish! You have a choice: You can either choose to go through life angry, bitter, hateful and sad, or choose to be grateful to be alive and to have been given a chance at life. YOU are the one in control of how You feel each day. I choose to wake up and be grateful to be alive. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something to make the world a better place. Go to school get a degree and make a difference in this world.

[much2say1]

@krissykirchmann hi, if you are going to tell a person to do something then at least spend a few minutes researching your facts. Firstly, I am not sad, bitter or hateful about my life! I am NOT against adoption. Every child deserves a loving stable home, I am against the UK adoption laws. I am against original birth records being altered. Until the UK laws change forced and illegal adoptions will continue. I had a very good education thank you very much. continued

[much2say1]

continued. Though I did have to attend Uni for my degree (school only goes up to A level). A lot can be learned from mistakes of the past. If adult adoptees dont speak out how can we hope for adoption and child protection laws to change and evolve.

[krissykirchmann]

@much2say1 good luck to you.

[eagoodlife]

Nice to have your understanding and compassion! yes life sucks..who else is expected to suffer trauma and be grateful?

[kivvymonster]

@themange59 it's like these ppl forget there are other kids who are born to mothers who don't want their kids but keep them for meal tickets. i agree, stop playing the victim and looking for an excuse. It doesn't matter if it's your birth-parents or adopted parents, you're not guaranteed a good life.

[maybetuesday1790]

@themange59 who told you that these children weren't wanted? Probably some dumb ass social worker.When I was in college, my Chem I and Physic I & II used to refer to the Social Major as Flunkies Retreat, because that's what all the really stupid people majored in.

[xXxXBleedPurpleXxXx]

@themange59 kids that weren't wanted? thats just horrible, you do realize that their are other circumstances that put children into the system. a girl in school once said that to me, i punched her in the face then threw a desk at her, deal with our problems? deal with your ignorance.

[eyeswideopen1993]

@themange59 It's very easy for you to say, when you haven't walked in those shoes and have no idea the what it's like for all the victims of these money hungry, power hungry vultures who destroy families in order to profit from making artificial families.

[rmsquirrel]

I'm sorry to say,but if you aren't adopted then there is no way you could understand.I was forced from my mom at 4 because her half sister was bitter with her and reported her to CPS with false claims.I was adopted by a "family" that told me I was an indengered servant and owed them for "taking care of me" and told me horrible lies about my mom hating me,not loving or wanting me,and that she was a variety of horrid things.You have no idea what that did to me.

[IBeatUpThugs]

@rmsquirrel I feel your pain. My adopted father called me "rotten bastard" and told me I'm fortunate to be adopted because I would have been "flushed down the toilet" if they had not "rescued me and saved my life". I was told my biological mother was mentally ill and a drug addict. I spoke to her as an adult and she was neither of those things just a catholic teenager from a middle class family.

I don't understand why all these people have opinions when they aren't adopted.

[requiro1]

This is a powerful expression of your feelings about adoption - feelings shared by many adoptees, I am sure. I encourage you to clean it up a little - fix the grammar and spelling. That will lend authority to your point of view. Dont worry about the people who are putting you down. No one can fully appreciate a situation when they have never experienced it.

[TellsHowItIs]

not sure i quite understand this. Are you saying you are angry with the people who took you away from the nothing you had? to give you all they could for you to have a chance of a better life? Im not sure im getting it. What is this video trying to say??

[eagoodlife]

Maybe you haven't understood the trauma of being removed from a biological mother that remains as PTSD for life.Maybe you don't understand the hollow, emprty space that is the gap left by your mother that can never be filled.Maybe you don't understand that we are the only group that suffers trauma and is expected to be grateful.Who says it's a better life not having your own identity, not knowing who you really are like the rest of you do?

[TellsHowItIs]

Or maybe I do understand the hollow, empty space u talk about.

Maybe I've gone through the same, just in a different way. U can have your mum, dad, family but they can be far from it.

Many are abused by whom they are supposed to be called their family.

.. & all they would wish for is to be loved unconditionally.. by anybody! the love that comes from another.. but never the less comes. No ones sayin u have no reasons 4 feeling sorrow.. u have plenty.. but to those who DID want 2 love u.. I'd luv

[eagoodlife]

Abused people who feel unloved, maybe unwanted suffer trauma too and have an empty space.Abuse by family is the worst betrayal a child can experience but those children still know who their parents are, who their family is and who they are related to even if it's hard.They know where they've come from adopted people without access to birth records do not..the crucial difference.

For all abused people, whatever the reasons lets express compassion, this is not a competition in suffering.

[TellsHowItIs]

yes... so how come your making it seem it... a competition? It's clear you have felt it tough... but not everyone is the same as you or your situation... you can only talk for yourself where adoption etc.. is involved. And I think you'll find the'll be many people who'd prefer they didn't know they were part of a person whom is as cruel as they are. Sorry but people will see it differently from you who are on the other side.

[crazychick8622]

Couldn't really read that video unfortunately.

I do feel that children that were adopted do spend their life feeling rejected and insecure even if the adoption was at their best interests. I agree with adoption 100% although i would no be able to go through with it since I know what it feels like to be thrown around the place until somebody wants you.

[eagoodlife]

Hard to get over trauma wouldn't you say?Hard to get over not knowing who you are, being given another name and identity, not having access to your real life? Birth mothers experience similar feelings to those whose babies die but often have no closure."Rejected and insecure" doesn't quite do it.

[6eloved]

I'm so confused. I'm adopted from a third world country-but I don't regret it at all because my life has been wonderful. Some children do unfortunately have sad adoptions, and I'm sorry that happened to you. I have had lots of struggle with my family sometimes, but they are my family just the same. I live in the beautiful US of A, and I've grown up educated and well taken care of.

[eagoodlife]

Adoption is confusing, we live lives apart from our relatives, culture and country.We can all love our adoptive families but still need to know who we are.

[6eloved]

Exactly. And it's hard to talk about any of that with the family I have now-because I have this huge fear of being shamed for wanting to know. My parents expected to say it once, then to never talk about it again. But there's just this part of me that just HAS to know.

[eagoodlife]

Of course you have to know who you are, it's your human right to that just as it is for others.Being shamed is a cruel response.

[TheTravelfool]

@6eloved yes but adopting kids from the 3rd world will NOT help that country nor it's people. Change needs to come within, not removing the kids. Trust me I have been to 55 countries and started 2 shelters in Brazil and a school in West Africa.

[MsWandySearchAngel]

nice work i fully get this video:)

[eagoodlife]

Thank goodness someone does!!! It's honest and courageous, when did a bit of comapasion hurt?

[Sammicsno]

missscenequeen,

It is not ok for you to call this video shit. It's not ok to call your mother a whore.

You sound very angry, and I understand. But I have very rarely heard of a woman who willingly gave up her child to adoption. There seems to be always some coercion, brainwashing, or downright stealing from these mothers. How do you know your mother gave you up? In my case, as in most cases, my mother fought very hard to keep me but no one would help her.

I am sorry for your pain.

[eagoodlife]

Too right there's coercion and the other things people do for profit,because they can and for other motives.Yes it's painful, time others recognised that and we more compassionate.

[adopteeh3ll]

Why is this nonsense ? Why is it the non adoptedcommunity seem to have so much to say about the wonderfulness of adoption ? Why is it most adoptive parents do not listen to how we feel ?? Its because really they dont know what it feels like not really and most of them dont care. Lots of them need to sit down and think how they would feel day after day. The person who comments below was raised by their family they knew who they were their roots their background ?? Its different situation .

[eagoodlife]

Do they want to know or is that too threatening? Only we know how we feel and the more we tell each other and others listen hopefully the less others can pretend.

[missscenequeen]

I'm sorry, this video is utter shit. It makes no sense, you could hardly read the words. And the facts if there are any seem very unreliable.

I'm adopted, from the horrible country of Mexico. I was raised by my grandmother hardly saw my whore of a mother. I wasn't not taken away from her, she gave me up. I was raised by the most loving family ever. I did struggle but only because i was given up on until I was given hope. Not every adoption is full of doom and gloom. Go on or face your family

[much2say1]

missscenequeen, after seeing your video with all its charm and intelligence I can say without a doubt I wont be losing any sleep over your comments. Mexico is lucky to have you!

sammicsno, thank you and yes Joe Soll is fantastic! x

[eagoodlife]

Come on now! Have a bit of compassion, no need to trash someone else's pain.You have it too, everyone's hurting don't add to it.

[Sammicsno]

Much2Say,

My heart goes out to you. Joe Soll is an illegal adoptee who suffered very much like you; he has gone on to do amazing work to help other adoptees and mums. Swamp is in denial, as most adoptees are, about the pain we have had to endure from the day we were separated from our mothers. We suffer much rage, sorrow, and pain as a result of this abominal practise of taking babies away from their mothers. Strong emotions can result in mental health problems. None of this is your fault.

[eagoodlife]

Right on!!

[much2say1]

I only discovered my illegal adoption in the past 2 years. Being adopted wasnt who I was.

[much2say1]

Are you saying I should accept a bomb shell like that and not think about it. I was sold by a family member at the age of 3, you are a better person than me if you can get your head round something so unbelievable, me I still struggle just reading my mums missing persons report that she made, while she was making that report the 2 people I call mum and dad (and still love) where renaming and making me their own.

[supermac18num1fan]

did u know u were adopted or not, its confusing.

My ADOPTIVE mom was also adopted and she often saw her birth mother. i talk to and email my birth mother on a regular basis and my brothers and sisters keep some kind of contact with theirs . ( except for two whos parents died) We were not "sold" and sorry if you were, but i love all FOUR of my parents and my entire family believes adoption is not such a bad process if done correctly but if done incorrectly, yeah you might cry.

[SweetBajan42]

@much2say1 But you have to understand most adoptions arent like that. Not every adopted child was sold. Your story is sad but you can't put down all of adoption because of the way yours was handled. Most of the time it's the bio parents saying they can't do this and trying to find a better home where their child will be LOVED and taken care of because they know they can't do it. I'm sorry that you have such a sad story to your adoption. however must adopted children are much better off.

[swampboogiequeen]

tina, not every adoption is a sad story - i was adopted, as a child i struggled, but as an adult, being adopted has little to do with my day to day life - i'm happy, have a great job, marriage & 3 children of my own......why is being adopted such a focal point for you? being adopted is part of who i am, just like my citazinship & hair colour - i accept it for what it is. many children need homes - it will never be perfect, we are all human beings - i hope you find happiness and peace