How to deal with a narcissist? Get out, get out, get out, get out...fast!!! They only get worse with age...until they completely self-destruct. Leave them to the death they worship!
@DiscoProJoe OK. You say 'Get out, Get out"! And how would an abused person do this? How do they leave? Who will help them? Have you ever moved house? Getting out is not as easy as walking out the door. In many cases, if someone walks out the door, they kiss goodbye to everything they own. We have a reader who cannot leave because she is being abused in the home she owns. Where does she go? Should she leave the house to her abuser? ..... We do our best to understand a very complex problem. Steve
In my opinion, here's the ultimate motive of people with NPD and other disorders: intentionally making others suffer. Most people with NPD were abused during childhood, and since then, have been suffering every day with guilt, fear, confusion, anger, and depression. They secretly (and unconsciously) want everyone else to have those same feelings, so the person with NPD doesn't feel so alone in his/her suffering. He wants everyone else to suffer as he's been doing every day. Misery loves company.
Question for the husband in this video: Why/how does using normal/healthy communication skills to encourage sharing and building of trust result in the opposite result for a NPD person
Why treating people with NPD with love/care and activly trying to build trust and safety makes the NPD person attack their partner? And if we don't treat you guys with love/care ect. you folks will aslo attack us for neglecting your needs. Basicaly it seems we
@MsVaughn75 - These 3 things are NOT normal/healthy communications skills and are NOT love and care. They are part of the codependents 'role' in the game of family conflict. If they seem like normal and healthy things to you -10 Steps to Overcome Codependence would help you a lot. Love, care and building trust have nothing to do with these 3 things. The best thing you can do to build trust with someone is show them you are emotionally balanced and have good self esteem!
@kimandSteveCooper Hmm. Did not answer the question. Interesting in itself but I digress... What I was looking for was your opinion as to WHY those acts are percieved as threats by the Narc. to begin with when in reality they are the farthest thing from harm. Is this just a facet of the Narc. being prone to "magical thinking"? Also when dealing w/ a person who has almost any other issue encouraging them to seek help is the proper act. But yet you say it is the opposite for Narcs. Why?
@MsVaughn75 - The 3 things discussed in this movie will not receive a good response from anyone and the last 2 are emotional manipulation and not (as you suggest) the farthest thing form harm. The only difference in the response of someone with narcissistic tendencies and a healthy person is the first will play along because they are familiar with this unhealthy pattern of relating where a healthy person will be more likely to just walk away.
@kimandSteveCooper Thanks but wrong. Example, per. A has signs and symptoms of Cancer, per. B encourages them to seek help out of love/concern- NOT manipulation. Perhaps b/c of your own NPD that you can't see/admit it? It's rare anyone admits to NPD, so I thought it would be interesting to hear directly from you. Lastly, I've done some research on your "cure" today & general opinion seems 2B ur cons w/ no cred or pro peer review papers etc & out to scam . Thanks for your time but not buying.
@MsVaughn75 - If a person doesn't want your help dealing with a personal illness that is their choice - not wanting the love you offer in itself does not mean they are ill. Our work has been reviewed by a clinical psychologist, behavioral scientist and social services to name a few. Meier Clinics, Stand Up Parenting, The Salvation Army, numerous churches, private practitioners and even hospitals pass on our material. If you want to trust slander of us on S Vaknin's forums that is up to you!
@kimandSteveCooper Never been on any of his forums. Didn't even know he them until today. Not where I came upon suggested info about you being a fake. Not saying you are, just that it is out there in the self help circles. We will have to agree to disagree as to your assertion that wanting open/honest comminication w/ partner and showing care/concern for what might ail them constistitutes some kind of "doing harm" and is therefore unhealthy behavior on my part. But TY for the debate anyway.
@kimandSteveCooper btw, I did find an answer to my org. question and from a well respected source this time, Sam Vaknin, P.Hd. If anyone else out there in YT-land had the same question as I did, the answer can be found in his vid. titled Narccissists Hate Love
@MsVaughn75 - Sam Vaknin a well respected source? Please check out the online movie I, Psychopath on YT. A diagnosed psychopath is not someone I would be going to for help.
@kimandSteveCooper Watched it. Thanks for the suggestion. Very interesting but did note that the top level Pros who tested him even admited he knew his stuff on these subjects and had useful info to share so.... wouldn't want to have actual contact w/ him ofcourse but from a safe distance he is much to offer research wise.
@MsVaughn75 I feel like this conversation is going nowhere, Ms Vaughn. If you want to spread rumours that Mr Vaknin is great and that we are scammers, can you please have the decency to do it on another forum so we can get back to helping people in need. We have given away 14 copies of our eBooks this morning to people unable to pay. One lady must show her husband receipts for toilet paper and groceries she buys and he logs the odometer in the family car when she uses it. Who helps her? We do.
Some people have a higher tolerance for pain and drama, but others like myself have their own sanity to deal with let alone someone else who should be accountable for theirs. I'm sorry but this is not the kind of love I want. Boundaries shouldn't have to be drawn out to be reinforced continuously but to be respected ...no respect no love
if doing nice things makes someone think me "low status" then forget it. I don't want to lose the best parts of myself (generosity, kindness) to help someone else with their problems, nor do I want to be subconsciously influenced by that kind of thinking. the most horrible thing is being made to feel insane by someone rewriting history on the fly ~ that is a dastardly betrayal and completely skewers the heart to heart honesty that relationships are supposed to be about.
@KindaGamey - There is a difference between doing kind things out of kindness and doing kind things because you want to create an emotional debt. If you truly want to be kind to someone with narcissistic tendencies you need to learn to set clear boundaries that you are willing to defend and end non productive conversations without letting them drag you into a fight. You also need to stop expecting they can "save you" and see that they are struggling themselves!
I TRIED ALL THIS AND ITS TRUE NOTHING WORKS HE JUST KEPT IGNORING ME HE EVEN MADE ME HIS FAM ENEMY I LEFT HIM AND TOLD HIM I WANT A DIVORCE... I WONDER WHAT R THEIR PLANS... PERHAPS FIGHTING MY DAUGHTER'S CUSTODY?
@Jenitza82 - Yes that is a big problem because divorce in itself does not end the conflict. Whether you leave or you stay you need to take steps to end the conflict. The points in this movie are what you need to STOP doing. What you need to START doing is set out step by step in our books.
I'm not really sure why I'm bothering to try and clue you into your situation. Heck, I'm not even sure there's much left to save, really. For all I know, all that's left of you is just a smiling husk of a woman slowly selling away whats left of her soul for the illusion of intimacy and emotional security. Maybe this assessment will help someone else whose in an abusive relationship and vulnerable enough to be taken in by your twisted advice.
@kimandSteveCooper A friendly tip: The brainwashed tend to have no conscious knowledge of being brainwashed. They're either too blind to see their chains or make an active effort to repress the realization.
In any case, even if you somehow got the gumption to leave Steve this very moment you'll still have the same psychological vulnerabilities that've allowed him to mind fuck you to where you are now. Either he, or some other manipulative creep, will just worm their way back into your life.
@EternalFuu - Wow I see that you have made 4 posts here in the last few hours that you have removed and 2 that YouTube has marked as spam. It looks to me like you are taking this all a little too personally or else you are perhaps here trying to promote your own man hating site? As I stated before you probably should actually read our story before you decide you have us all summed up. I wonder how many other people you have tried to bully into leaving people they love?
@kimandSteveCooper So lemme get this strait....You've decided to stay with a man who allegedly only behaves while under the threat of jail time. On top of that you rationalize that its the right choice because leaving the psychological parasite would incite him to seek revenge against you? The more details you give me of your sorry tale the more you reveal yourself to be drinkin' the Kool-Aid. Your relationship is based on fear, jelousy and cowardice and is held together with denial.
You can never please a narcissist, buy one a new Jaguar and 15 minutes later they are complaining about the color and that it's too small. It is rare that a narcissist actually wants to overcome their problem and work at overcoming it. Congratulations.
Sad. It's still all about him, isn't it? Hey Kim, how about holding yourself and others to higher (or even normal) standards of decency. Leave that bozo and his awful shirt.
@shirams - I disagree - it was actually about ME learning new emotional competencies and becoming a person who could stand up for myself instead of a crying and complaining doormat that blamed all my problems on someone else! If only some codependents could see just how abusive their behavior is!
@kimandSteveCooper I couldn't agree w/you more. On/off I've found myself in that place. More off although. Which doesn't help in such a situation of NPD or abuse. Still no consistant respect or love. In all honesty I didn't/don't find that my behavior was abusive, just the opposite actually. It was/is my husband in that respect. If I don't get 'my own self' in order, or say proper light for me, when it comes time I need me, and me to be more self sufficient w/o my husband, what does future hold?
@kimandSteveCooper If only some co-dependents would stop referring to themselves as such, they might cease to be co-dependent. I hope someday you will decide to spell your name with a capital "K"!
@shirams - I think that understanding something by defining it is a very important step in overcoming it! Since the typo that was made setting up this account has become so important to some people I guess I will try and go fix it (-: I assure it was not symbolic. I have an ego too!
@shirams - Hey I just tried and guess what Google won't let me change the name of my YouTube account! But really it's okay I can live with the lower case k - I hope you can (-:
@shirams I have been listening to Kim and Steve for years and their advice is on how to deal with narcissists. I think its awesome that she has figured out a way to deal with this type of behavior while at the same time healing herself in the process. Her advice does work and I am happy that they are spreading the message to people who need the help.
@shirams Kim is clearly a stockholm case with a major masochistic streak. Leave her to her sick "happiness".
To Steve: Great brainwash job. I'm sure if you play your cards right she'd even tolerate you having your own little harem. All you gotta do is find a few more weak-minded chicks like her and you're set.
Kim and Steve are both powerful people. If a man is narcissistic, he has reason to be, meaning he is most likely highly intellectual and attractive... The same is probably the case about the woman he'd choose...
If a man is willing to recognize his own persoanlity trait and acknowledge what does and doesn't work when interacting with him, he is far more advanced than "the average Joe..." Kudos to Kim & Steve for publishing this series, and to my brilliant man who directed me to it!
I am not sure that you really understand what this movie is saying. It is talking about learning to not give so much and also not to demand so much. It takes two to Tango as the saying goes!
I found this video very helpful. If a person with NPD is not ready to recognize this, it is no different than an addict or alcoholic that is not willing to become straight or sober. Their partner is powerless over controlling the other persons behavior or 'making' them see what is happening. As it has been taught and suggested on many other health issues, even those refusing that they have cancer and will not get treatment, "You can lead a horse to water and still not be able to make them drink"
@MsHpycmpr - Yes I was thinking about that saying the other day and would change it to - if you are going to lead a horse to water make sure they are thirsty first!
Are you seriously suggesting to people that the path to a healthy relationship is to lay down and be a doormat? Not gonna lie; thats pretty sick an pathetic.
Ah, well. Anyone stupid and self-loathing enough to subject themselves to that deserves what they get, I s'pose
@EternalFuu - Walking away is not usually the best way to learn to stand up for yourself and leaving isn't always as easy as people pretend. What if you have kids together and fear your partners reprisals? We have people come to us after their 3rd or 4th marriage has gone bad and it has taken them this long to finally see that they are part of the problem - to me realizing this so late is what is sad.
@kimandSteveCooper I couldn't agree with you more. I don't know if my marriage will have the good fortune as yours, yet I need to heal from all of this and become one with myself before I could walk away without something bad happening.
@will34uk - Yes it is a sad way of living - I hope you decide to learn a better way of getting your emotional needs met and don't end up making the same mistake as her!
"Narcissism" and NPD are SYMPTOMS of an underlying set of psychological wounds developed from early-childhood trauma. Most lay people and mant mental-health people are unaware of these wounds and how to reduce them. See sfhelp.org/gwc/gwc.htm and the "gercacn"{ channel on YouTube
This is awful, and so sad. "don't do all these normal healthy things that normal humans do for one another because it will make you look weak".. This is all so incredibly unhealthy. If you cannot do normal things and have to play games, then it's a BIG sign you need to LEAVE.
@09APmama - I would disagree that these things are normal. Complaining, trying to get someone to share their feelings when they don't want to and trying to please people to get love in return are all signs of codependence. It is not about playing games it is about learning self worth and becoming stronger. If you want to leave and are able to leave -sure go ahead and do so but what I think is sad is when people wait until their 3 marriage fails before they see their part in the problem.
@kimandSteveCooper I disagree with you disagreeing. These are all things that you, kim, had done before. Which mean it is what comes naturally. Natural is normal. Of course anyone would complain if they are being laughed at when they are sharing their intimate feelings or are given the silent treatment. Everyone wants to feel important to someone and have that partnership. A narcisist will always point out that you are the problem. I am guessing steve is the one that wrote the above statement.
@alexys72904 - It was not Steve it was me. It might be normal to complain - if that is how you saw your parents behave growing up. It is usually ineffective however and I learned better ways of responding that meant Steve had to start listening. I think if you read our story you would understand better. It was not that I did nothing - I just stopped doing things that didn't work. I learned how to stand up for myself in a way that I earned Steve's respect and increased my own self respect. Kim
@kimandSteveCooper I am with a narcissist also and we have a child together. We have been together for 3 years. I don't see as expressing myself as complaining, I see it as standing up for myself. Anything that mean standing up for yourself means complaining to them. If I don't stand up for myself he ridicules me and says that I am a push over. If I do stick up fr myself ridicules me and says that I am insecure about myself. It is a no win situation a narcissist no matter what.
@alexys72904 - For you and your child's sake you need to learn to stand up for yourself effectively. Demonizing him won't get you out of the trouble you are in. I hear that he has made you angry - but taking that out on people who could help you is not playing it smart. Your situation will not improve on it's own. Our ebook Back from the Looking Glass is only $9.95 now when you subscribe to our site narcissismcureddotcom -- it lays out step by step what you need to do to reclaim your life. Kim
@alexys72904 Heck yeah. I have family members like this. They blame you for causing them to be so belligerent. They pick fights over stupid things so that they can win and when you make a obvious point with an example of their hypocrisy they don't see it at all. Your mistakes are so horrible and they overreact to it while their mistakes aren't bad to them. They put you down and find a way to convince you that there's something wrong with you or you need them. Self centered diseased people.
I'm with the previous comment. Does Steve consider himself normal now? One can see the arrogance while you speak about the what "nots". Even in his dress, how he outshines you. Is he towing the line.... because you can put him back in jail?
Victim blame and if it was so terrible, why is she still with him? Don't try and stop your spouse from treating you like garbage. Don't ask their feelings. Act like business as usual. And last but not least...Don't please your partner. Goddamn this is why I believe in eugenics.
@PN355 - Not asking for change is not the same as not stopping your spouse from treating you like garbage. We advocate action not words and give victims advice on how to take real action to stop the abuse rather than giving all their power to their partner. Business as usual no! I had Steve charged with assault and served with an AVO. Getting the police to help in these matters isn't easy however and so that is a big part of how our advice can help.
This is great! I am currently going through this now with my partner. He is a narcissist and I am struggling, finding my own self worth plummeting, trying to always putting him always first. I am pleased to see a couple turn things around. I am going to try and learn all I can from yall, as my partner means the world to me. Thank you.
@blondestprincess - You hang in there and make sure you put your needs first in taking care of yourself. Our ebooks "Back from the Looking Glass" and "The Love Safety net Workbook" will mean you can hopefully avoid the mistakes I made and will really help you on your journey to a peaceful home.
I should say he had to be removed legally from our house. We no longer live together. Im not sure who Im angrier with him for doing this,or myself for not seeing it until it had gone on for 17 years,the last 8 I knew about & didnt do anything. These are sick cruel people,Im happier he is gone but angry too.....make sence....?
I wish you would also say something about husbands that have physically and emotionally ""gaslighted"" their wives. How does a person recover from this? For 8 years I dealth with it. I honestly need help with this. I feel like Im going to explode in a violent rage sometimes because of what he did. I know it would be counter productive tho so I hold it all in still.
I need some much need navigation thru this maze of insanity I have dealth with.
@gma617 - Holding things in is not the same as learning to self soothe. Are you going to continue to let him control you? You will set yourself free when you find that he could not steal your happiness because the source of it really lies in yourself.
What he did was terrible? Yes! But now what are you going to do for yourself?
Gaslighting is trying to make someone feel crazy right? All narcissists do that. Look up mental abuse on our site!
yes, unfortunately it is not easy, it depends how badly you want things to work. I can only do it with a daily dose of God's help, I am still learning.
@ilovemypersiancats if your willing to sacrifice your life for the person by ruining your own life and it still doesn't matter then it is better to leave. but i do know that a narcissist tends to tear the other person down so they won't leave. they want to see you weak and vulnerable . and u have to ask yourself WHY? Why are you doing this to yourself? Is it because YOU are the one with low self esteem. it's not worth it.
How to deal with a narcissist? Get out, get out, get out, get out...fast!!! They only get worse with age...until they completely self-destruct. Leave them to the death they worship!
DiscoProJoe 3 hours ago
@DiscoProJoe OK. You say 'Get out, Get out"! And how would an abused person do this? How do they leave? Who will help them? Have you ever moved house? Getting out is not as easy as walking out the door. In many cases, if someone walks out the door, they kiss goodbye to everything they own. We have a reader who cannot leave because she is being abused in the home she owns. Where does she go? Should she leave the house to her abuser? ..... We do our best to understand a very complex problem. Steve
kimandSteveCooper 2 hours ago
In my opinion, here's the ultimate motive of people with NPD and other disorders: intentionally making others suffer. Most people with NPD were abused during childhood, and since then, have been suffering every day with guilt, fear, confusion, anger, and depression. They secretly (and unconsciously) want everyone else to have those same feelings, so the person with NPD doesn't feel so alone in his/her suffering. He wants everyone else to suffer as he's been doing every day. Misery loves company.
DiscoProJoe 3 hours ago
Question for the husband in this video: Why/how does using normal/healthy communication skills to encourage sharing and building of trust result in the opposite result for a NPD person
Why treating people with NPD with love/care and activly trying to build trust and safety makes the NPD person attack their partner? And if we don't treat you guys with love/care ect. you folks will aslo attack us for neglecting your needs. Basicaly it seems we
are damned if we do and damned if we don't?
MsVaughn75 3 days ago
@MsVaughn75 - These 3 things are NOT normal/healthy communications skills and are NOT love and care. They are part of the codependents 'role' in the game of family conflict. If they seem like normal and healthy things to you -10 Steps to Overcome Codependence would help you a lot. Love, care and building trust have nothing to do with these 3 things. The best thing you can do to build trust with someone is show them you are emotionally balanced and have good self esteem!
kimandSteveCooper 3 days ago
@kimandSteveCooper Hmm. Did not answer the question. Interesting in itself but I digress... What I was looking for was your opinion as to WHY those acts are percieved as threats by the Narc. to begin with when in reality they are the farthest thing from harm. Is this just a facet of the Narc. being prone to "magical thinking"? Also when dealing w/ a person who has almost any other issue encouraging them to seek help is the proper act. But yet you say it is the opposite for Narcs. Why?
MsVaughn75 1 day ago
@MsVaughn75 - The 3 things discussed in this movie will not receive a good response from anyone and the last 2 are emotional manipulation and not (as you suggest) the farthest thing form harm. The only difference in the response of someone with narcissistic tendencies and a healthy person is the first will play along because they are familiar with this unhealthy pattern of relating where a healthy person will be more likely to just walk away.
kimandSteveCooper 23 hours ago
@kimandSteveCooper Thanks but wrong. Example, per. A has signs and symptoms of Cancer, per. B encourages them to seek help out of love/concern- NOT manipulation. Perhaps b/c of your own NPD that you can't see/admit it? It's rare anyone admits to NPD, so I thought it would be interesting to hear directly from you. Lastly, I've done some research on your "cure" today & general opinion seems 2B ur cons w/ no cred or pro peer review papers etc & out to scam . Thanks for your time but not buying.
MsVaughn75 23 hours ago
@MsVaughn75 - If a person doesn't want your help dealing with a personal illness that is their choice - not wanting the love you offer in itself does not mean they are ill. Our work has been reviewed by a clinical psychologist, behavioral scientist and social services to name a few. Meier Clinics, Stand Up Parenting, The Salvation Army, numerous churches, private practitioners and even hospitals pass on our material. If you want to trust slander of us on S Vaknin's forums that is up to you!
kimandSteveCooper 23 hours ago
@kimandSteveCooper Never been on any of his forums. Didn't even know he them until today. Not where I came upon suggested info about you being a fake. Not saying you are, just that it is out there in the self help circles. We will have to agree to disagree as to your assertion that wanting open/honest comminication w/ partner and showing care/concern for what might ail them constistitutes some kind of "doing harm" and is therefore unhealthy behavior on my part. But TY for the debate anyway.
MsVaughn75 5 hours ago
@kimandSteveCooper btw, I did find an answer to my org. question and from a well respected source this time, Sam Vaknin, P.Hd. If anyone else out there in YT-land had the same question as I did, the answer can be found in his vid. titled Narccissists Hate Love
MsVaughn75 23 hours ago
@MsVaughn75 - Sam Vaknin a well respected source? Please check out the online movie I, Psychopath on YT. A diagnosed psychopath is not someone I would be going to for help.
kimandSteveCooper 22 hours ago
@kimandSteveCooper Watched it. Thanks for the suggestion. Very interesting but did note that the top level Pros who tested him even admited he knew his stuff on these subjects and had useful info to share so.... wouldn't want to have actual contact w/ him ofcourse but from a safe distance he is much to offer research wise.
MsVaughn75 6 hours ago
@MsVaughn75 I feel like this conversation is going nowhere, Ms Vaughn. If you want to spread rumours that Mr Vaknin is great and that we are scammers, can you please have the decency to do it on another forum so we can get back to helping people in need. We have given away 14 copies of our eBooks this morning to people unable to pay. One lady must show her husband receipts for toilet paper and groceries she buys and he logs the odometer in the family car when she uses it. Who helps her? We do.
kimandSteveCooper 2 hours ago
Some people have a higher tolerance for pain and drama, but others like myself have their own sanity to deal with let alone someone else who should be accountable for theirs. I'm sorry but this is not the kind of love I want. Boundaries shouldn't have to be drawn out to be reinforced continuously but to be respected ...no respect no love
EdLova 5 days ago
if doing nice things makes someone think me "low status" then forget it. I don't want to lose the best parts of myself (generosity, kindness) to help someone else with their problems, nor do I want to be subconsciously influenced by that kind of thinking. the most horrible thing is being made to feel insane by someone rewriting history on the fly ~ that is a dastardly betrayal and completely skewers the heart to heart honesty that relationships are supposed to be about.
KindaGamey 2 weeks ago 5
@KindaGamey - There is a difference between doing kind things out of kindness and doing kind things because you want to create an emotional debt. If you truly want to be kind to someone with narcissistic tendencies you need to learn to set clear boundaries that you are willing to defend and end non productive conversations without letting them drag you into a fight. You also need to stop expecting they can "save you" and see that they are struggling themselves!
kimandSteveCooper 2 weeks ago
I TRIED ALL THIS AND ITS TRUE NOTHING WORKS HE JUST KEPT IGNORING ME HE EVEN MADE ME HIS FAM ENEMY I LEFT HIM AND TOLD HIM I WANT A DIVORCE... I WONDER WHAT R THEIR PLANS... PERHAPS FIGHTING MY DAUGHTER'S CUSTODY?
Jenitza82 1 month ago
@Jenitza82 - Yes that is a big problem because divorce in itself does not end the conflict. Whether you leave or you stay you need to take steps to end the conflict. The points in this movie are what you need to STOP doing. What you need to START doing is set out step by step in our books.
kimandSteveCooper 22 hours ago
This has been flagged as spam show
I'm not really sure why I'm bothering to try and clue you into your situation. Heck, I'm not even sure there's much left to save, really. For all I know, all that's left of you is just a smiling husk of a woman slowly selling away whats left of her soul for the illusion of intimacy and emotional security. Maybe this assessment will help someone else whose in an abusive relationship and vulnerable enough to be taken in by your twisted advice.
EternalFuu 1 month ago
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EternalFuu 1 month ago
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EternalFuu 1 month ago
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EternalFuu 1 month ago
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EternalFuu 1 month ago
@kimandSteveCooper A friendly tip: The brainwashed tend to have no conscious knowledge of being brainwashed. They're either too blind to see their chains or make an active effort to repress the realization.
In any case, even if you somehow got the gumption to leave Steve this very moment you'll still have the same psychological vulnerabilities that've allowed him to mind fuck you to where you are now. Either he, or some other manipulative creep, will just worm their way back into your life.
EternalFuu 1 month ago
@EternalFuu - Wow I see that you have made 4 posts here in the last few hours that you have removed and 2 that YouTube has marked as spam. It looks to me like you are taking this all a little too personally or else you are perhaps here trying to promote your own man hating site? As I stated before you probably should actually read our story before you decide you have us all summed up. I wonder how many other people you have tried to bully into leaving people they love?
kimandSteveCooper 1 month ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@kimandSteveCooper So lemme get this strait....You've decided to stay with a man who allegedly only behaves while under the threat of jail time. On top of that you rationalize that its the right choice because leaving the psychological parasite would incite him to seek revenge against you? The more details you give me of your sorry tale the more you reveal yourself to be drinkin' the Kool-Aid. Your relationship is based on fear, jelousy and cowardice and is held together with denial.
EternalFuu 1 month ago
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EternalFuu 1 month ago
You can never please a narcissist, buy one a new Jaguar and 15 minutes later they are complaining about the color and that it's too small. It is rare that a narcissist actually wants to overcome their problem and work at overcoming it. Congratulations.
charkee1 1 month ago
Sad. It's still all about him, isn't it? Hey Kim, how about holding yourself and others to higher (or even normal) standards of decency. Leave that bozo and his awful shirt.
shirams 2 months ago
@shirams - I disagree - it was actually about ME learning new emotional competencies and becoming a person who could stand up for myself instead of a crying and complaining doormat that blamed all my problems on someone else! If only some codependents could see just how abusive their behavior is!
kimandSteveCooper 2 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper I couldn't agree w/you more. On/off I've found myself in that place. More off although. Which doesn't help in such a situation of NPD or abuse. Still no consistant respect or love. In all honesty I didn't/don't find that my behavior was abusive, just the opposite actually. It was/is my husband in that respect. If I don't get 'my own self' in order, or say proper light for me, when it comes time I need me, and me to be more self sufficient w/o my husband, what does future hold?
MsHpycmpr 2 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper If only some co-dependents would stop referring to themselves as such, they might cease to be co-dependent. I hope someday you will decide to spell your name with a capital "K"!
shirams 1 month ago
@shirams - I think that understanding something by defining it is a very important step in overcoming it! Since the typo that was made setting up this account has become so important to some people I guess I will try and go fix it (-: I assure it was not symbolic. I have an ego too!
kimandSteveCooper 1 month ago
@shirams - Hey I just tried and guess what Google won't let me change the name of my YouTube account! But really it's okay I can live with the lower case k - I hope you can (-:
kimandSteveCooper 1 month ago
@shirams I have been listening to Kim and Steve for years and their advice is on how to deal with narcissists. I think its awesome that she has figured out a way to deal with this type of behavior while at the same time healing herself in the process. Her advice does work and I am happy that they are spreading the message to people who need the help.
RidingtheQi 1 month ago
@shirams Kim is clearly a stockholm case with a major masochistic streak. Leave her to her sick "happiness".
To Steve: Great brainwash job. I'm sure if you play your cards right she'd even tolerate you having your own little harem. All you gotta do is find a few more weak-minded chicks like her and you're set.
EternalFuu 1 month ago
@EternalFuu True.
shirams 1 month ago
Kim and Steve are both powerful people. If a man is narcissistic, he has reason to be, meaning he is most likely highly intellectual and attractive... The same is probably the case about the woman he'd choose...
If a man is willing to recognize his own persoanlity trait and acknowledge what does and doesn't work when interacting with him, he is far more advanced than "the average Joe..." Kudos to Kim & Steve for publishing this series, and to my brilliant man who directed me to it!
newview33 2 months ago
I am not sure that you really understand what this movie is saying. It is talking about learning to not give so much and also not to demand so much. It takes two to Tango as the saying goes!
Kim Cooper
kimandSteveCooper 2 months ago
this is great as long as you dont mind giving EVERYTHING you have to a person who could care less about you
persiancatsarecool 2 months ago
I found this video very helpful. If a person with NPD is not ready to recognize this, it is no different than an addict or alcoholic that is not willing to become straight or sober. Their partner is powerless over controlling the other persons behavior or 'making' them see what is happening. As it has been taught and suggested on many other health issues, even those refusing that they have cancer and will not get treatment, "You can lead a horse to water and still not be able to make them drink"
MsHpycmpr 2 months ago
@MsHpycmpr - Yes I was thinking about that saying the other day and would change it to - if you are going to lead a horse to water make sure they are thirsty first!
Kim Cooper
kimandSteveCooper 2 months ago 2
@kimandSteveCooper Love the funny twist you put into it. Helps lighten the message and it's actually more direct this way.
MsHpycmpr 2 months ago
Comment removed
markwvonderohe 3 months ago
Wow...Heres an idea: Just leave the f*cker.
Are you seriously suggesting to people that the path to a healthy relationship is to lay down and be a doormat? Not gonna lie; thats pretty sick an pathetic.
Ah, well. Anyone stupid and self-loathing enough to subject themselves to that deserves what they get, I s'pose
/shrug
EternalFuu 3 months ago
@EternalFuu - Walking away is not usually the best way to learn to stand up for yourself and leaving isn't always as easy as people pretend. What if you have kids together and fear your partners reprisals? We have people come to us after their 3rd or 4th marriage has gone bad and it has taken them this long to finally see that they are part of the problem - to me realizing this so late is what is sad.
kimandSteveCooper 3 months ago 4
@kimandSteveCooper
I'm a narcissist and I approve this statement! We aren't so bad all we want is love yano
greyxwind 3 months ago
@greyxwind
Ever consider that you really don't deserve it?
EternalFuu 3 months ago
@EternalFuu
yah It crossed my mind, a lot actually :}. Have you ever considered how amazing you are?
greyxwind 3 months ago
@greyxwind LOL! You silly :P
EternalFuu 3 months ago
@greyxwind j/k, you are right tho, thank you god bless
greyxwind 3 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper I couldn't agree with you more. I don't know if my marriage will have the good fortune as yours, yet I need to heal from all of this and become one with myself before I could walk away without something bad happening.
MsHpycmpr 2 months ago
My Mum always talks about what my Dad does wrong and how she's had a bad day so everyone should be extra-nice to her
will34uk 4 months ago
@will34uk - Yes it is a sad way of living - I hope you decide to learn a better way of getting your emotional needs met and don't end up making the same mistake as her!
kimandSteveCooper 1 month ago
This has been flagged as spam show
"Narcissism" and NPD are SYMPTOMS of an underlying set of psychological wounds developed from early-childhood trauma. Most lay people and mant mental-health people are unaware of these wounds and how to reduce them. See sfhelp.org/gwc/gwc.htm and the "gercacn"{ channel on YouTube
gercacn 4 months ago
This is awful, and so sad. "don't do all these normal healthy things that normal humans do for one another because it will make you look weak".. This is all so incredibly unhealthy. If you cannot do normal things and have to play games, then it's a BIG sign you need to LEAVE.
09APmama 5 months ago 2
@09APmama - I would disagree that these things are normal. Complaining, trying to get someone to share their feelings when they don't want to and trying to please people to get love in return are all signs of codependence. It is not about playing games it is about learning self worth and becoming stronger. If you want to leave and are able to leave -sure go ahead and do so but what I think is sad is when people wait until their 3 marriage fails before they see their part in the problem.
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper I disagree with you disagreeing. These are all things that you, kim, had done before. Which mean it is what comes naturally. Natural is normal. Of course anyone would complain if they are being laughed at when they are sharing their intimate feelings or are given the silent treatment. Everyone wants to feel important to someone and have that partnership. A narcisist will always point out that you are the problem. I am guessing steve is the one that wrote the above statement.
alexys72904 5 months ago
@alexys72904 - It was not Steve it was me. It might be normal to complain - if that is how you saw your parents behave growing up. It is usually ineffective however and I learned better ways of responding that meant Steve had to start listening. I think if you read our story you would understand better. It was not that I did nothing - I just stopped doing things that didn't work. I learned how to stand up for myself in a way that I earned Steve's respect and increased my own self respect. Kim
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper I am with a narcissist also and we have a child together. We have been together for 3 years. I don't see as expressing myself as complaining, I see it as standing up for myself. Anything that mean standing up for yourself means complaining to them. If I don't stand up for myself he ridicules me and says that I am a push over. If I do stick up fr myself ridicules me and says that I am insecure about myself. It is a no win situation a narcissist no matter what.
alexys72904 5 months ago
@alexys72904 - For you and your child's sake you need to learn to stand up for yourself effectively. Demonizing him won't get you out of the trouble you are in. I hear that he has made you angry - but taking that out on people who could help you is not playing it smart. Your situation will not improve on it's own. Our ebook Back from the Looking Glass is only $9.95 now when you subscribe to our site narcissismcureddotcom -- it lays out step by step what you need to do to reclaim your life. Kim
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
@alexys72904 Heck yeah. I have family members like this. They blame you for causing them to be so belligerent. They pick fights over stupid things so that they can win and when you make a obvious point with an example of their hypocrisy they don't see it at all. Your mistakes are so horrible and they overreact to it while their mistakes aren't bad to them. They put you down and find a way to convince you that there's something wrong with you or you need them. Self centered diseased people.
Rinsuki 3 months ago
I'm with the previous comment. Does Steve consider himself normal now? One can see the arrogance while you speak about the what "nots". Even in his dress, how he outshines you. Is he towing the line.... because you can put him back in jail?
01diller 5 months ago
@01diller - The threat of Steve going to jail was only a small part or the change that happened
between us. I don't know if Steve considers himself 'normal' but I love and trust him more
than anyone in the world now - when once I used to wish him dead. I also know that we can argue
or even fight about something - but he won't put me down or criticize me behind my back now.
The strange thing is as we have got better he is now looking at his codependence and I am looking at my narcissism.
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
does steve consider himself "normal" now?
patriciacarrasco 6 months ago
so sad...
DJPyramidTV 6 months ago
Wow what an exciting marriage you have Kim and Steve :)
DJSpinoza 6 months ago
This is disgusting and horrible.
Victim blame and if it was so terrible, why is she still with him? Don't try and stop your spouse from treating you like garbage. Don't ask their feelings. Act like business as usual. And last but not least...Don't please your partner. Goddamn this is why I believe in eugenics.
PN355 7 months ago 2
@PN355 - Not asking for change is not the same as not stopping your spouse from treating you like garbage. We advocate action not words and give victims advice on how to take real action to stop the abuse rather than giving all their power to their partner. Business as usual no! I had Steve charged with assault and served with an AVO. Getting the police to help in these matters isn't easy however and so that is a big part of how our advice can help.
kimandSteveCooper 7 months ago
@PN355 I think that you didn't really listen to what we were saying. Steve
kimandSteveCooper 3 months ago
This is great! I am currently going through this now with my partner. He is a narcissist and I am struggling, finding my own self worth plummeting, trying to always putting him always first. I am pleased to see a couple turn things around. I am going to try and learn all I can from yall, as my partner means the world to me. Thank you.
blondestprincess 9 months ago
@blondestprincess - You hang in there and make sure you put your needs first in taking care of yourself. Our ebooks "Back from the Looking Glass" and "The Love Safety net Workbook" will mean you can hopefully avoid the mistakes I made and will really help you on your journey to a peaceful home.
kimandSteveCooper 9 months ago
You guys are my heroes ♥
SophieVeilleux 10 months ago
I should say he had to be removed legally from our house. We no longer live together. Im not sure who Im angrier with him for doing this,or myself for not seeing it until it had gone on for 17 years,the last 8 I knew about & didnt do anything. These are sick cruel people,Im happier he is gone but angry too.....make sence....?
gma617 1 year ago
I wish you would also say something about husbands that have physically and emotionally ""gaslighted"" their wives. How does a person recover from this? For 8 years I dealth with it. I honestly need help with this. I feel like Im going to explode in a violent rage sometimes because of what he did. I know it would be counter productive tho so I hold it all in still.
I need some much need navigation thru this maze of insanity I have dealth with.
gma617 1 year ago
@gma617 - Holding things in is not the same as learning to self soothe. Are you going to continue to let him control you? You will set yourself free when you find that he could not steal your happiness because the source of it really lies in yourself.
What he did was terrible? Yes! But now what are you going to do for yourself?
Gaslighting is trying to make someone feel crazy right? All narcissists do that. Look up mental abuse on our site!
kimandSteveCooper 1 month ago
My wife of 17 yrs. never made me breakfast she was just trying to be nice. Now I get it. That would have been 'weak' of her. aha!
cwaggy1 1 year ago
yes, unfortunately it is not easy, it depends how badly you want things to work. I can only do it with a daily dose of God's help, I am still learning.
ilovemypersiancats 1 year ago
@ilovemypersiancats if your willing to sacrifice your life for the person by ruining your own life and it still doesn't matter then it is better to leave. but i do know that a narcissist tends to tear the other person down so they won't leave. they want to see you weak and vulnerable . and u have to ask yourself WHY? Why are you doing this to yourself? Is it because YOU are the one with low self esteem. it's not worth it.
sairaj1 1 year ago
soooo true !!!! that is the don't list I did ,and now we're apart!
possum2u 1 year ago