It's me. Sometimes it builts up and I'm not sure who the real me and the fake me is anymore. I just broke up with my boyfriend of the last four years. But I had to let it go, to find myself again. Does that make any sense. So, the same thing just happened to me. I get it.
... People get offended so easily that, when something actually offensive happens, it doesn't get the response it deserves.
But I think I trailed off into a tangent.
Of course there's also the issue of people changing, which may lead one to feel he/she has been fake, at least for the intermediary (sp?) period. This sounds like what you likely went through.
The reason people try not to be "offensive" is because other people quite easily get defensive. If you make a critical comment, the other person will say, "But I..." rather than just accepting that he/she doesn't need to give excuses. And should you find yourself stating that a band that someone else loves is "a bit overrated," be prepared to be yelled at, especially if this interaction takes place over the Internet. [To be continued.]
People are at times afraid to be honest because an honest comment may sound to themselves as selfish, and they wish not to offend their friend. But friendship is selfish. Love is selfish. I'm not friends with someone for his/her benefit, I'm friends with him/her because *I* want to be. Therefore in relationships, it's better to be open and honest, rather than assuming that being so will be offensive.
I used to be very fake when I was a waiter. I sort of had to be. :)
I try to be straight-forward with people, though, in life. For example, when someone asks me how I'm doing, I most often say "mediocre." After all, isn't that what the average day should be? Not every day is "good," because then to what are they good in comparison? :)
its ok sally we all do it, its just something that everyone does and its not necesseraly a bad thing. Its just something that happens to everyone and its a part of what makes you who you are.
ehm .. i think we have an a bit different understanding of "beeing fake" .. cause i wouldnt primarily classify your example like that. its kind of only a part in the bigger story for me.
so that makes it quite hard to answer .. ehm well actually i also didnt quite understand where you want this to go. but its definitly an interesting topic as i have encountered simular behavior like in your example multiple times .. and it has always puzzled me. care to make it a more detailed discussion topic?
I totally understand you. It has happened that I have felt utterly unhappy with myself for faking my whole self. I just liberated myself a little bit...I just came out. And it's not necessarily bad or good to feel fake, it is only bad that you do not find yourself in the end.
I actually lived in Japan for a while, and although it had some definitely positive aspects to it, don't get me wrong, what I noticed is, it was (culture, society, relationships), well fake. It's hard to compare to, if you've ever read the book, "The Catcher In The Rye", the protagonist Holden Caulfield see's phoniness, and ugliness in the world around him. Basically I participated in it for a while so I could function in society, then I got so sick of it, I just couldn't take it any longer.
I actually decided to stop participating in façade. Really, the whole fakeness of it all just built up on me, until I decided against it and moved back. When I came back I thought that everything had changed. I had a hard time adapting back to it all, everything seemed so different, even fake. Then I realized that nothing had really changed, there were new movies and music, but everything was basically the same. I was the one who had changed. I feared that I'd end up conforming to fit it.
You really have to ask yourself the question "what is it in itself"? "What is its nature"? "Why do they do the things they do". In Japan & US, it's done to conform mindsets in order to make us more effective consumers. Thereby making capitalism work. It also goes to the creation of irrational responses to submission to authority. Also, every action you've ever done has fundamentally been for yourself, by conforming to societal standards, one is merely trying to work in self interest.
i think it would be better called "conflict avoidance" because that is what is usually is. a lot of people fear conflict, and tend to go with the flow or take the easy way out instead of making a stand.
To my view, 'faking' is a temporary fix, and (also to my view) a temporary fix is only a delay. The end result will be the exact same as the initial consequence, only delayed and possibly with interest. If your interest are to buy time in a situation, then 'faking' might be useful, but in most cases this would be a bad course of action.
i guess my attitude towards fakeness is that it's good when it does some good and bad when it does some bad. what's good and bad is subjective, IMO. i used to have a view that you should strive to always be yourself, and i think it's generally good to be that way, but there's plenty of times when it seems to me being a bit fake, or even really fake, might make sense because of the consequences.
It's me. Sometimes it builts up and I'm not sure who the real me and the fake me is anymore. I just broke up with my boyfriend of the last four years. But I had to let it go, to find myself again. Does that make any sense. So, the same thing just happened to me. I get it.
crayonboxheart 4 years ago
Post 4:
... People get offended so easily that, when something actually offensive happens, it doesn't get the response it deserves.
But I think I trailed off into a tangent.
Of course there's also the issue of people changing, which may lead one to feel he/she has been fake, at least for the intermediary (sp?) period. This sounds like what you likely went through.
Sincerely,
Alex Peak
allixpeeke 4 years ago
Post 3:
The reason people try not to be "offensive" is because other people quite easily get defensive. If you make a critical comment, the other person will say, "But I..." rather than just accepting that he/she doesn't need to give excuses. And should you find yourself stating that a band that someone else loves is "a bit overrated," be prepared to be yelled at, especially if this interaction takes place over the Internet. [To be continued.]
allixpeeke 4 years ago
Post 2:
People are at times afraid to be honest because an honest comment may sound to themselves as selfish, and they wish not to offend their friend. But friendship is selfish. Love is selfish. I'm not friends with someone for his/her benefit, I'm friends with him/her because *I* want to be. Therefore in relationships, it's better to be open and honest, rather than assuming that being so will be offensive.
allixpeeke 4 years ago
Post 1:
I used to be very fake when I was a waiter. I sort of had to be. :)
I try to be straight-forward with people, though, in life. For example, when someone asks me how I'm doing, I most often say "mediocre." After all, isn't that what the average day should be? Not every day is "good," because then to what are they good in comparison? :)
allixpeeke 4 years ago
I like that you present yourself as a natural sweet person.
Augustina8 4 years ago
its ok sally we all do it, its just something that everyone does and its not necesseraly a bad thing. Its just something that happens to everyone and its a part of what makes you who you are.
audri 4 years ago
ehm .. i think we have an a bit different understanding of "beeing fake" .. cause i wouldnt primarily classify your example like that. its kind of only a part in the bigger story for me.
so that makes it quite hard to answer .. ehm well actually i also didnt quite understand where you want this to go. but its definitly an interesting topic as i have encountered simular behavior like in your example multiple times .. and it has always puzzled me. care to make it a more detailed discussion topic?
tejayce 4 years ago
Sally, this is a beautiful video. Profound in its content and delivery. You are wise beyond your years. Be well.
1tinsoldier 4 years ago
I totally understand you. It has happened that I have felt utterly unhappy with myself for faking my whole self. I just liberated myself a little bit...I just came out. And it's not necessarily bad or good to feel fake, it is only bad that you do not find yourself in the end.
Jiggers991 4 years ago
I actually lived in Japan for a while, and although it had some definitely positive aspects to it, don't get me wrong, what I noticed is, it was (culture, society, relationships), well fake. It's hard to compare to, if you've ever read the book, "The Catcher In The Rye", the protagonist Holden Caulfield see's phoniness, and ugliness in the world around him. Basically I participated in it for a while so I could function in society, then I got so sick of it, I just couldn't take it any longer.
LaughingMan0X 4 years ago
I actually decided to stop participating in façade. Really, the whole fakeness of it all just built up on me, until I decided against it and moved back. When I came back I thought that everything had changed. I had a hard time adapting back to it all, everything seemed so different, even fake. Then I realized that nothing had really changed, there were new movies and music, but everything was basically the same. I was the one who had changed. I feared that I'd end up conforming to fit it.
LaughingMan0X 4 years ago
maybe you were just in an "everything is fake" phase.
sleestack 4 years ago
You really have to ask yourself the question "what is it in itself"? "What is its nature"? "Why do they do the things they do". In Japan & US, it's done to conform mindsets in order to make us more effective consumers. Thereby making capitalism work. It also goes to the creation of irrational responses to submission to authority. Also, every action you've ever done has fundamentally been for yourself, by conforming to societal standards, one is merely trying to work in self interest.
LaughingMan0X 4 years ago
yep, its everybody
d1mf1n 4 years ago
Great Video Sally...
scottferrie 4 years ago
are you acting? Have you really had a boyfriend?
sleestack 4 years ago
i think it would be better called "conflict avoidance" because that is what is usually is. a lot of people fear conflict, and tend to go with the flow or take the easy way out instead of making a stand.
deadlogic 4 years ago
Aint that the truth, some times it's not worth it.
joekarim87 4 years ago
To my view, 'faking' is a temporary fix, and (also to my view) a temporary fix is only a delay. The end result will be the exact same as the initial consequence, only delayed and possibly with interest. If your interest are to buy time in a situation, then 'faking' might be useful, but in most cases this would be a bad course of action.
Just my 2 cents.
ChrisCStringer 4 years ago
What do you think "love" is?
Btw, learn how to play the guitar.
robshred66 4 years ago
i guess my attitude towards fakeness is that it's good when it does some good and bad when it does some bad. what's good and bad is subjective, IMO. i used to have a view that you should strive to always be yourself, and i think it's generally good to be that way, but there's plenty of times when it seems to me being a bit fake, or even really fake, might make sense because of the consequences.
mikenny79 4 years ago