Trapped: by Godlimations - Part 2/2

[nejinaji]

theres a youtube channel for godlimations

[antibob72]

Is...is slowbeef eating a bag of chips at the end of this?

[Voothegreat]

I actually just put books in the pocket where the armor plate goes when I was in Iraq.

[RenaKunai]

"More exciting news! Jesus has returned!"

Wait, what?

[videogamenostalgia]

'Wow! A self-contradictory, poorly written, archaic collection of documents designed to control and subjugate people and make otherwise responsible and intelligent people say and do disgusting things has stopped a bullet, due to its thickness. Therefore, we should all believe that every word written in said collection of documents is 100% true and infallible'

So I used Lord of the Rings instead, I should run around with a sword and slay people who don't agree with me because they're orcs.

[hockeater]

@videogamenostalgia Not just books we know are silly too. What happens if that experience comes into play with books that's directly and undeniably conflict? For instance the bible and Richard Dawkins' God Delusion? Does the universe go into paradox mode?

[th3vampan3z3l0rd]

@hockeater If they both stop bullets then they're both 100% correct! Simple logic solves the problem yet again.

Hold on a second....

[AkumaADemoncus]

@th3vampan3z3l0rd I know what you mean, I worship a neatly stacked set of sandbags.

[th3vampan3z3l0rd]

@AkumaADemoncus How strange. Your sandbags are nothing compared to my holy steel wall.

[AkumaADemoncus]

@th3vampan3z3l0rd How dare you insult my god, the holy sandbags are the only one and true god, my holy "how to setup a stack of sandbags" manual said so!

[th3vampan3z3l0rd]

@AkumaADemoncus HERESY! The holy workers at the steel mill from whence the holy steel didst flow have told me that it is the steel which is the true path!

Only one way to settle this. Meet me here with your sandbags and I'll bring my wall. We're going to see which can stop the most bullets. Only then will we know which is holier. It is the only logical solution.

[Judgementxxx]

I just noticed. This guy does the voice oh Legend for the crappy flash series Xin!

[Prometheusmfd]

I love how the return of Jesus was pushed to the side with the serial killing drug lord the headline.

[SirTotallyAwesome]

That thing with the metal finger became even more hilarious now that I've watched the Snatcher LP.

[88Meters]

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Uninteresting plot, stupid characters, weird story, horrible SFX and voice acting, and lack of thought. I hope that there's a special spot reserved for you in Hell.

9/10

[PowerXeta]

GOING DOWN!

[DreadGir]

I just don't... I can't... I really don't... Oh... God...

Whether you have faith or not, does it matter?? Is this really marketed as a "christian" game? HOW!? By having a bible in it? Literally, the only thing in this game that was christan was the bible.

This is so obtuse, and the others aren't better... Their animation is okay, ish... The voice acting is okayish... But the puzzles... Just... I can't even think of it...

9.34829/10

[eternalobliviox71]

Okay, I think I finally found why Newgrounds reviewers are so generous: I think they actually genuinely don't know that 10 means 'perfect, flawless, godly' and sooner think that it means 'good, tolerable... Playable' while that is in actuality closer to a 5/10. Like, to much of even the serious critiquing media, a 7 is somewhat low. They don't really grade it on a normal scale of 'equal points for gameplay, story, graphics, music and replayability' so much as 'did I/did I not vomit'.

[lich109]

@eternalobliviox71 I'm pretty sure most just see the 1 and they skip the 0, maybe vice versa, it would explain a lot.

[LuigiFan210]

Wait... so Jesus saved the life of a serial killing gang leader?

[TheOneGuy1111]

3:46 Do they not see the rating system on the left?  Newgrounds stuff is primarily rated out of five there, the 0-10 scale is just for reviews.

[WVI]

Wait a fucking second.

"MORE EXCITING NEWS! JESUS HAS RETURNED!"

The fuck?

[MrGuyPwnsYou]

"MORE EXCITING NEWS! JESUS HAS RETURNED!"

...Really? That didn't warrant the top headline?

[MalamiteLtd]

@MrGuyPwnsYou Jesus being that Hispanic gardener that works for the editor's wife.

So it's "Hey-zoose."

[TheLilSurgeon]

2:26

"more exiting news, jesus has returned" wut?

[XSwisSmYcHEeseX]

aww yu guys are soo meannn i liked it....



[WhiteTiger225]

@XSwisSmYcHEeseX You liked it? Damnit! That means I am Fred Burrows!

[riotsword]

@WhiteTiger225 Fred Burrows! Help me!!

Just wait 'til Fred Burrows gets here man...

Ladies and Gentlemen... FRED BURROWS.

[TheLevoyboy]

So this guy knew how much a finger weighs, down to the point that he knew that the thin metal pick inside of it was making it slightly heavier.

[grottypissedstained]

You guys have the best reactions to these flash games.

[Kukadin]

The best part is how the news paper considers a serial killers escape more important than the return of god.

[Skinnyoompalumpa]

0:15 is the funniest thing ever

[havvyweponsman]

"I don't even consider myself a Christian."

"IT TURNS OUT I'M A SERIAL KILLING CRIME LORD LOLOL"

subtle

[VGclass]

@havvyweponsman "You know those stories where the guy saves the girl and the live happily ever after? I just realized I'm not one of those guys".

"IT TURNS OUT I'M A SERIAL KILLING CRIME LORD LOLOL"

More subtle

[MrSuperlol2009]

When Proteus is going through that bag, and at 7:23, he says there's a lot of walkthroughs, it makes it sound like he's finding a bunch of walkthroughs in a paper bag

[3Gads]

Kira Buckland is famous for her voice variations.

...OH WAIT.

[Kitchinsink3]

Wait, Jesus returning only got second billing on the newspaper?

[zachy7777]

Whenever I watch this video it always has trouble buffering. WTF.

[wiretransfer]

"Am I Dan McNeely? NO! I'm M...DICKIE!"

[zlpq51]

At 2:34, notice how in much smaller print is the headline "Jesus has returned!"

For a Bible game, Godlimitaions seems to have really fucked up priorities.

[KingKoodaz]

More Exiting News: JESUS HAS RETURNED!

[TheAnonftw]

Did anyone else notice that it says Jesus has returned on the newpaper part? Wouldn't you think that would be bigger news?!

[MrYushi560]

lol the biblical message in this game is taken pretty literally, Im a Baptist , but I find this hilarious.

[leviathan1173]

I suppose you guys may have figured this out, but the Newgrounds review scoring system is just for show. There is the 0-5 scale that actually gives the game's score.

[VanIntegral]

If they ever make Snatcher 2, they should include a puzzle where Gillian has to burn off the fake flesh from a dead snatcher's hand in order to pick a lock. Not only would it make more sense, it would probably blow Slowbeef's mind.

[vampirekoopa]

failed story of ghost trick only ghost tricks ending was confusing as heck

[WVI]

You know, I played this game way back when it came out. I didn't realize there were sequels. It's nice have have retsupurae resolve a part of my teenage years for me.

[AQTehMage]

Why does youtube stop to buffer when it's at 1:45 and it has everything loaded to 4:30?

[EternalGuardian07]

To be fair, he isn't saying crumbum at 2:21. He is saying Grunbaum, as in the guy with metal bone finger in his wallet.

[KoyasuNoBara]

Oddly, once I had the matches, I got the finger puzzle right away, simply because he said it was heavier than a finger should be, indicating there was something inside of it. Lighting it on fire was the only possible way I could think of for the game to let me see what was in there.

My main problem was the damn stocking because I didn't realize I could look there.

[KoyasuNoBara]

What is he saying at 2:08? "Where on Earth did I get this [something] from?"

[Reyson129]

@KoyasuNoBara 'Where on Earth did I get that marksmanship from?'

Had to play through the game myself to get that. *hugs knees, rocks back and forth*

[JanitorAntisocial]

@Reyson129

You played through this stupid game just to answer a YouTube comment?

...Much respect to you, man.

[Dadge42]

is this a joke game?

[MyFaceIsMadeOfSpoons]

2:36 "MORE EXCITING NEWS - JESUS HAS RETURNED!"

...What?

[3XP3RTGUY]

should have thrown the bible at him

[grendelee]

Of course he left her. Shes a woman, hes the MAN. DUhh, get your priorities straight, crumbbum.

[WhiteTiger225]

@grendelee Besides, she had no self motivation to go into the room also

[elshotaru]

the guy that's "not really a christian" is a villain in a christian game. WHAT A TWIST

[harvz0100]

hmm, 2 messages i got from this.

1) all Christians are murderers/criminals

2) (looking at the news paper) a serial murderer is far more important that jesus returning...to Christians

[thapoint09]

@harvz0100:

But the game is supposed to be pro-Christianity...

[MrYushi560]

@harvz0100 lol im Baptist, and I found ur comment horribly offensive and kinda funny at the same time.

[Ghebatta]

So, wait a minute, he's convinced because the thick book that caught the bullet happened to be that collection of Jewish mythology.

What if the book had been "Das Kapital" or "The State and the Revolution"?

[AAmirkhanov]

@Ghebatta The State and the Revolution isn't thick enough; if it comes as part of a Collected Works of Lenin volume, you might be safe from small calibers. For stopping bullets I recommend a hardcover copy of The Brothers Karamazov. It's been known to stop 9x19mm. Only problem is finding shirt pockets big enough to carry it.

[grendelee]

@Ghebatta The Collected Sherlock Holmes Adventures

[armegeddis]

So...since you don't get to fuck the girl, did a lot of people turn to Meet n' Fuck Kingdom? :V

[fireflocs]

If Christianity really did save people from getting shot like that, they wouldn't need terrible propaganda games to convert anybody. Just be like, "You gotta go through a bad part of town? Take ten or fifteen bibles with you. Fuckin' things catch bullets."

[armegeddis]

@fireflocs To be honest, the religion thing is only referenced in this game, a few generic theological things in the sequels, but nothing specific. If you want propaganda, look at the videos on Godlimations. :V

[shadowrunner12021]

grony piss stained wallet...

[kartoa1]

theres a word for that but i dont think its creative...

[fastbreak333]

Edwyn Tiong and Kira Buckland... why are two moderately popular voice actors starring in this huge piece of crap? It may be the most confusing thing of all.

[TheToast7]

everyone's talkin bout how dan's such a jerk for leavign the girl, but really, who in that situation would NOT follow closely? though to be fair, who would FORGET a human?

nevermind, they're both morons

[CandiFan1]

"MORE EXCITING NEWS!

JESUS HAS RETURNED!"

Funniest part, simply because it's all on the same page~

[TequilaSpider]

Eh, one guy came back from war and said "Hey, remember the Bible that you gave me? It saved my life, stopped a bullet from piercing my heart!" And then news spread and vets from all over the world tried to beat that story. My grandpa used to say that a Bible saved his life from artillery fire....then again, he was an alcoholic.

[holder3000]

at 2:35 in the new it said jeusus was alive wth thats just too weird

[Blackflare13]

@holder3000 More Exciting news: Jesus has returned, as if it wouldn;t be the headline

[SirPainsalot]

McNeely says "I'm going to tear you apart... Starting with your finger."

If only they noticed that...

[TheParagoomba]

Breaking News!

Man-eating plants are overtaking the world!

in more exciting news, cancer has been cured!

[TheShadowCookie]

To be honest... I dont think those guys at the end were his own guys. They were probably police forces or swat or jesus angels or something. So in the future games, he is still a leader cause he never shot his own people, like many here think.

The best part is, however, that I am trying to bring logic into this mess for crying out loud. Ah, well... Gonna burn that finger, baby...

[ShadyJeffrey]

what a dumbass he left the maid to die for crying out loud. 

[TheDeathnotejunkie]

This makes me hate christianity even more....

it has the reverse effect

[tippo1449]

this game is awful and is a junk

10/10

[Reigam4]

@tippo1449

people think this is a useless review

[Alphabasicnumeric]

My reviews should be badly spelled one liners that should have been deleted by the mods a long time ago.

[PixelGeni]

okay you forgot the main character and your a serial killer who fell in love?

AMETURE

[notyoursavior78]

What about the Safe?! Otherwise the VA was surprisingly decent for a flash game.

[xXSafaiaShinobiXx]

At first I thought that Dialla was in the room with him because the porno music started playing, but then he said something about 'forgetting something' and I dropped that idea right away.

[keyburrito]

0:00 - 0:28 Is my favorite part of the entire Trapped Trilogy. Just the fact that he FORGETS THE GIRL, then hears gunfire and screaming outside and decides it's the PERFECT TIME TO PONDER HIS NARRATIVE ROLE. Shit.

[dumba54]

I'd like to make a point about the guy who was stuck for an hour in this game, further down the comment he posted: "What about the safe?" - that's legitimate, but wait there is a little more to that line: "No hanky panky with the chick?"

I have nothing further.

[OrangesJoel]

So why is it that, in this "Godlimations" game, the only relevance the Bible ever has is to save the arch villain's life?

[SpongeBobPore]

@Dbkit One that note, Dialla says the Greunbaum was an officer in Escape...but we can clearly see that he was some kind of business man.

Also, if Dan was knocked out by Greunbaum...is that supposed to be what caused his amnesia? Because in Escape, they said the thing that caused it...seriously, you can find so many flaws in this thing without even trying.

[musicmanz15]

The news paper said "MORE EXCITING NEWS! JESUS HAS RETURNED!"

THEN WHY DID THIS SHIT GO DOWN!

[zektong]

Great video. 10/10, 5/5, 100%, 5 stars, thumbs up.

[Cooliespy345]

0:12

"Jesus is missing."

Don't worry Proteus, because apparantly, Jesus has returned!

[BlockDuuuuude]

Maybe if I take off his clothes I can do shit...

[CloseEnoughToSane]

I think what messes with me the most is that this game seems to imply that God will save anyone who happens to be carrying a bible, including serial killers.

[torent553]

more exiting jesus had returned

[funkymonkey0426]

"damn! i forgot diala" *BAM BAM BAM* how the hell do you manage to do that!?!??!

[6Shooter28]

I noticed that. You gotta be a badass if the second coming turns into second banana when you're around.

[pyramidheadkitten9]

stop eating chips slowbeef.

[SamuraiFoochs]

Nothing says "Jesus loves you" quite like driving dance beats and gunfire.

[ZavionSrath]

Ah, I see this game follows the same logic that Heavy Rain writer David Cage does.

[Knifegash]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GRUM BUMMMMMM

[SpongeBobPore]

Funny how he could've saved Dialla in the five minutes he spent talking to himself about forgetting her.

[pikachuforpresident]

Hahaha, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who got some sort of off-brand Solid Snake vibe from Dan.

Oh, these games. So classy.

[Deathspeak2u]

M. Night Shyamalan's mentally impaired nephew wrote this game's script.

[911AmericanPatriot]

@Deathspeak2u nnniiiiccceee

[GazzyW007]

@Deathspeak2u So it's as good as a film by M. NIght Shyamalan?

[Deathspeak2u]

@GazzyW007 I wouldn't go that far but yea. I would rather watch an M. Night Shyamalan film then play this ass game.

[BetaManicCommand]

Great, now paranoid people will put Bibles in their chest pockets just to prevent a bullet going into their heart. Because Bibles are life savers.

[sonicfeet]

0:46

"WHIT TAA"

[Hamsteere]

'Get in there, or I'll shoot you'

Sick thoughts...

[Wattapus]

I laughed pretty hard when the white board with equations reference was made.

I had a white board behind me,

no equations. just algorithms.

[DevastationNazo]

@Wattapus Thats... spectacular timing... wait. Considering its a godlimation game, spaztaztic timing.

[TD1Celestial]

Haha, the guy that the author responded to saying that his "website was really sharp" and shit was the same guy that made Arrival In Hell.

[Saisinkolimonadin]

When he points the gun at the girl, the audio transcription thing translates the dialog to "hello"!

[pwnedTAS]

To be fair, there was at least one person who WAS saved from a bullet because a Bible was in their breastpocket, during the First World War. I find it more hilarious how the author tried to make it all symbolic.

[Firebrand101]

"even more exciting news! Jesus has returned!"

Not even the second coming of Jesus could stop this game from sucking

[TheToast7]

TYLER LOLOLOL

[TheToast7]

MUSTBE?!? You watched the video, didn't you? You must not have, because if you did, you would be saying "This guy IS ****ing badass!"

[TheToast7]

Have you guys tried that closed captioning thing on this video? It's about the most inaccurate thing ever.

[Owl1222]

@TheToast7

Proteus "And then claimed he forgot."

closed captioning "They're waiting for God."

it may not be very practical, but it is awfully funny XD

[23HUZZA]

he gets shot and there is police written on the trousers. When he changes with the guard there is no police written on the trousers... INCONCISTENCY

[TheToast7]

In that one review, the guy said he was stuck for an HOUR! but then later in the review he says he wants 20 minutes of his life back.

[Owl1222]

@TheToast7 It says "I want an hour and 20 minutes of my life back." I can't imagine anyone wasting a whole hour stuck in this game. I would last about 20 minutes before I turn to a walkthrough.

Also, I've been seeing a lot of your comments in so many of retsupurae and ChipCheezumSA's videos lately, lol. It's so funny just browsing through the comments and saying "Hey! He watched this video, too!"

[TheToast7]

I see comments like that often too, though usually on soundtrack videos.

[RobGrix]

I am quoting one of the reveiews of this game on Newgrounds

"help

how do you get out of the first room

i suck at point and click games

Score = 8"

... *facedesk*

[FaggotsOfAmerica]

Am I the only one who noticed at 2:45

the credits say "ofcourse" and not "of course"

BEST GAME EVER

[GeneralBolas]

I don't think this guy knows what a serial killer is. Dan's just an organized crime boss. Serial killers go out and stalk people, typically based on some psychosis.

[OneWithTheNight]

Ironic. You can do the same thing with Solid Snake and Emma in MGS2: Substance, leave her locked out and shot in Snake Tales. And you know who Dan sounds like. If you don't, then pity. 8|

[o0BazookaTooth0o]

"No hanky panky with the chick?"

[Gight77]

"also exciting news jesus has returned"

on the newspaper

[Solitair1999]

The sad thing is, I actually recognize the main character's voice actor. He played Legend in XIN, which I liked, and Muga Watanabe from the Kazahana Family Mass Battle, which varies in quality depending on who's writing, exactly. Hearing this, I realize that Tiong's using the exact same voice for all three characters. Not really a good quality for a voice actor.

[BohepansTheThird]

And I could have sworn the voice actor here was just trying to go for the most blatant Balthier (character from Final Fantasy 12) imitation I've ever heard in my life...I like Balthier. I took this as insulting. But if it's actually the same VA...I can only shake my head sadly and lament how terrible this is. (Not that I actually know who Balthier's VA was, but if this guy here was a 'professional' voice actor, I can actually believe it may have been the same guy.)

[ChadVisionAbridged]

The main character has to have the most blatant rip off of Gideon Emery's voice I have ever heard.

[Solitair1999]

@BohepansTheThird I'm 99% sure it's not the same guy who voiced Balthier. Balthier appeared in a big budget video game, and Edwyn Tiong's work is (from what I know) entirely based in no-budget Flash projects that I can't see turning a profit at all. Not exactly the same tier of work.

[TBSnerd]

misspelling retarded: priceless

[TheToast7]

For everything else, there's Newgrounds.

[SenseiLeRoof]

PULSATE! PULSATE DAMN YOU!

[ArchangelDrake]

Holy fucking shit.

I know it's been a while since this video came out, but if you look on the newspaper at the end, it says "MORE EXCITING NEWS! JESUS HAS RETURNED!"

I cannot fucking believe my eyes on this one.

My question is, why didn't Jesus come in to save all those Swat guys from a serial killer?

[thorgrim103]

wow that guy is a dick leave the girl really just wow.

[Mikodite]

The finger was severed off that guy in the vent.

I know, its dumb, but that's where its from.

[GeneralBolas]

Yes, but why was there *metal* in it? And if its a prosthetic finger, why would you cut off someone's *prosthetic finger*?

Oh no, you cut off my prosthetic, now I have to go buy another one. I'm so scared of you and I'll do what you say, sir!

It makes no sense, period.

[TheToast7]

DUH! It was due to research for that Immorgansics stuff in the third one.

[BoisterousBizarnes]

>More exciting news: Jesus has returned

And the world goes on as normal.

[Cooliespy345]

Dan is really calm after being shot at and noticing the Bible stopped the bullet. Hell, I know if it were ME, it'd be like

"How does all this shit make sense?"

[Mikodite]

@Cooliespy345

I'm thinking "OMG!!! The book saved me!?

Lucky!"

[Chef033]

Do you think the game's writers were in history class one day and heard the story of how Teddy Roosevelt survived an assassination attempt when the book in his shirt pocket stopped a bullet and thought "whoa, can you imagine if the book in his pocket was a bible?"

[Mikodite]

The Bible stopping a bullet is actually a common trop in action movies (a Bible or some other really big and thick book)

[AndresChileCL]

This. Im hating it too, seriously if its already loaded why i cant fucking keep watching it?

[handsomebrick]

@Mikodite And a cross, don't forget that!

[AndresChileCL]

I think they had some stash of marijuana and a lot of times in their hand (no writing skills or good plot elaboration though)

[ahanix1988]

seriously youtube is pissing me off. movie will be loaded up through a minute, yet it'll stll pause and buffer 10 seconds in

[Fastokker]

God is a misogynist.

[MetroidBob]

Oh, shit, I realized I actually played this game, too ;_;

Damn was I desperate.

Hilarious reviews!

[VysetheTard]

You need to break out the "Christ-killer" bullets with the Teflon coatings to deal with some of those heavy-duty unabridged Bibles.

[Edgemaster000]

A bullet-proof bible? How lucky can you fucking get?

[doshuang]

the voice acting im dying

[DaDShadic]

the news paper also says "JESUS HAS RETURNED!"

[moneymandate]

What is it with Fundies and the end of the world?

[heljis]

holy Jesus it does

[posthumanfetus]

That's kind of hilarious and horribly awful that he left the maid outside to die. The worse part is that he does not really seem to care.

[ManaKeller]

I like you.

[jmccu100]

bibal gives you a 1up

[TheToast7]

Whats more tarded is that you think this game accurately represents christian motives.

[Convoicev2]

"Damn! I forgot Diala"

WAIT WHAT