Let's talk about sex...

[jazzdiva04]

Whoah...I know that! Projecting onto my husband the feelings I have about myself. Well put, Janie.

[ImperfectJourney]

Great video sweetie~ I think most people who are or have been overweight struggle with this, I know I sure do~ It's also hard when your hubby is wayyyyy smaller than you~ You always make some very thought provoking videos~ 5 stars~ :-)

[AwesomeForever]

Very thoughtful video as always. I am twenty years older and am okay when not in bathroom ready to shower. I do not look at the reflection with joy. After the shower, there is too much condensation to see!

Silly me, I would love a firmer body. I do not expect it to get that way because of my age.

I think about where if I could only have one surgery and it would be my breasts. Yet, I know they will go south again on me.

Is it worth it?

Lots of time thinking about my body!

LOL,

Linda

[lyzettesalazar]

I once had a lady say out loud "how can anyone have sex with that "thing". and she was talking about me. I can't tell you how horrible I felt when she said that. It's disgusting. I so understand everything you are saying.

[lyzettesalazar]

I Just love you put this out there. Your husband is a lot like mine and I feel it's all about how you feel about yourself. He has loved me at my worst and this process has made me feel so fabulous to lose this weight and when I get to the point of my goal weight...I will be contemplating the same.

[tbear2739]

I totally know how you are feeling, I am almost down 75 pounds and I am tube socking it, too.

I still have 80 pounds or so and i wonder what my body will be like.

I think we need to do these things for ourselves, whatever makes you feel beautiful, it's all that matters.

you are so insightfull and honest.

thanks for the video

tbear

[TheDivineMissT]

Wow. Thank you so much for this video. I appreciate your honesty. This is a subject that I'm already concerned about - and I'm still in the pre-op phase. I'm going to favorite this video and watch it again when I'm actually experiencing what you're feeling.

You look fantastic!

Therese

[hrzstarr]

I love you Janie! I hear ya about excepting your body. You need to find peace,

[bookyroony]

Jane, you have such a beautiful way of putting things into words..I can relate 100 percent! I think of my old body as a suit I was trapped in as well and I felt it was holding me back from "feeling" anything as well! if plastic surgery will give you a chance to feel your very best, there is nothing wrong with that! big hugs! xoxo Becky

[kimbie0914]

you are so awesome, sometimes its like you take my thoughts and put them into words. I think its how we feel, i am not in a relationship right now but already i am thinking... i dont think i want to take off my bra infront of someone else.... then i started thinking about the vanity part but really when we feel good about ourselves (sexy) we allow ourselves to be even more intimate both physically and mentally so i dont think its just the act of sex but our ability to express confidence & love

[Therocksgrl]

I know exactly what you are saying. I am considering it too.  I am not married but I do have a boyfriend but I still dont want him to see me naked. I look nice with clothes on but when the clothes come off woooooow. I need my boobs put back where they are suppose to be and a tummy tuck. I still keep the lights off. I also keep my bra on always. Its a shame that insurance doesnt pay for it though so I dont know what to do.

[julinside]

Miss Janie, you are so lovely and such a good speaker. I always try to watch every single one of your videos. You are so honest, and your language is very appropriate in the most delicate subjects.

Lots of love,

Julia

[ladyblue3]

Great video Jane, thanks for talking about this.I've always known plastic surgery would be part of my journey.Not necessarily because of sex, but because I want to have as "average" a body as I can have.Having been so overweight from so young, I've never known what average is and I want to know that.The idea of having perky boobs is really tempting too but I really just want to look in the mirror and see the me that I've always imagined.

[atomx71]

Okay Miss Janie...you have moved me. I need to do a response video too...stay tuned.

[wdsDarlin]

Great video! Thanks for sharing and making the rest of us feel normal! Hugs!

[angiebaby330]

janie youve seen how short i am...eddie and i would hug face to face because his belly was higher than mine since he is taller so we fit like puzzle...just something funny. this is an issue that is hard to talk about without getting raunchy but you did a good job! im the type that has always felt comfortable showing my body but the "mechanics" was/is my issue. i think its about how you feel about your "tubesocks" and that affects sex. you style your hair to feel pretty....its the same in a way

[SarahWillBeSkinny]

I think you make a very good point in this video. I've always said that plastic surgery wouldn't be THAT important to me, because I could deal with the extra skin. But I weighed 350+ lbs for SEVERAL years. I'm only at 220lbs now, but i KNOW I will NEED plastics eventually. & I think that has mostly to do with how I view myself. -- Body feels "mushy", & it's a turn off to me, so I'm sure for my partner, it's the same. LOL :) U look awesome btw! :)

[angiebaby330]

sarah, i think if you are turned off by your skin/body it would affect how you percieve your partner and think he is turned off too. i definately want surgery to get rid of skin or lift things but it is for my own feelings about myself not for someone else because i expect to be loved even if i had two heads!

[anrcandy]

This is such a great video honest and educational you are really a pilar in the wls community Janie pray for me I am struggling b/c I am not dumping I am excercising and I have my150 lbs goal in mind I just feel stuck

[OurDoOver2]

We have lost about 215 lbs. between us... and I literally mean "BETWEEN US"!!! What a difference. Way to go Janie, we are so glad that you brought the subject up. It is one of the benifits of surgery that is rarely mentioned, and it should be near the top of the list. Good job!!!

[meltingmamma]

For me, I can't handle the tube socks! I still like to keep a nighty on so he doesn't see things flopping! And since i've been waxing "down there" I now see how yucky and saggy that looks!  For me, when I feel I look better, he will benefit! ;)

[skymoon1982]

Hay Janie, Great video as usual. I know that this is a very touchy subject and so is plastic surgery. A lot of people are anit surgery but I think that once we lose all the weight, I think that its utimately want you want your end results to be. I know that im getting it done 1 yr post up in jan after losing over 100 pds and its not because Im not satisfied w/ my outcome but untimately to finally have that perfect body.

[weightnC]

Since my hubby and I combined have lost over 250 lbs in the last year, and our sexual relationship feels much more intimate now. It is new/yet same for us. If that makes sense? I'm so glad you discussed this. I am not down for more surgeries, but my body disagrees. I have an appt on Thur to see my surgeon, it seems that I have another hernia. So, I think surgery isn't done with me and plastic surgery isn't as scary now.

Excellent video. Thanks, as always, for making videos. take care - jenn

[space8024]

Thank you for being open and sharing!

[divataunia]

Whoo boy, can I relate to this! It's pretty amazing how much your physical appearance effects the inside - the emotion. I think it's amazing that both you and your husband have lost weight together. Thanks for tackling this one, Janie!

[rosewolfe48]

The skin flapping around definitly was distracting at times. And the breast are a big part of the program. My hubby jokingly says he will get me a breast job but I have heard that it makes you less sensitive and the "ouch factor" + the cost makes it totaly unappealing..so I guess he will just have to use his God given imagination the same as I do...LOL...great video

[rosewolfe48]

Sex, breathing & eating are on the same level for me.I know it is not that way for everyone. We had a very healthy sex life and as I got heavier it was down to 1x a month..I felt very lonely pyshically. I was so inhibited by my weight, exhuasted from it. the weight came off it felt like I was blooming. felt like I was becoming more female instead of Asexual.

told my surgeon they need a chapter on "renewing your sex life" in the manual we had to study on before we where approved for surgery.

[mia2292]

A very personal subject that many people can relate to! Thanks for sharing it with us.

[sweettjudy]

Breasts are what makes a woman feel like a woman. Nothing wrong in wanting to feel sexy or womanly. Great video Janie!

[Fat2Skinny09]

it is ok..it's a personally decision. :) If your doing it for you and you husband. Then i don't see why not. If your doing it to look like the rest of the world..then you should second guess it. :) Your beautiful and whatever you decide and make you happier. Just don't go too big...B cup should be enough..:) whooops..did i say that...lol. sorry.. well maybe not.. lol ok..i am done..haha

[Bonnie90505]

I hesitate to comment on this personal subject

but, I will

You are 42, you are a "young" energetic woman with a lot of give in life. At 42 you should be feeling very "sexy" , your body is only going to change more over the years, a breast augmentation is well worth it, your breast will continue to lose breast tissue as you age. I am 51 and just now started losing the fullness naturally.

Give this gift to your marriage, enjoy life & feel good in your 40's

reverse the (premature)aging process :)

[gastricRose]

Girl I do understand you and I think your so brave to talk about this...love and hugs to you...I had alower body lift cause of how ugly my tummy went to my knees and all the rashes and other issues but I can tell you my girls went the same way ..I had to pay out of pocket for my lift and was going to do my chest and side at a later date and now I would never think to do this again cause with me I almost lost my life ... but that was me...I just want to thank you ..love ya...love rosemary

[ru2cute4me]

It's weird that the insecurities I had as a heavy person are now replaced with different ones. The "girls" went from a 42 DD to a 36 Long. I seem to have aged overnight. Where before fat made me look younger, I now look 59. Hello! Old age has arrived! All things taken into consideration, I'm adjusting to the aftermath of WLS. A sensitive subject very nicely discussed. Thanks for this vid Janie!

[slcinoz]

I so can relate. I am less happy with myself naked now then when I was 250 lbs. Ugh..I have serious issues now. Shannon

[lifesdecisions09]

This is so NOT wierd. I think alot of us have these same feelings, just not able to work up the courage to make videos about it. So thank you for making the video. My husband watches some of the videos with me, and it helps me bring up these kinds of things that I am feeling and discuss it with him. My husband is very supportive, it just always helps me to know that he is aware of how I feel about my body.

[nanananabhappy]

Many of us have thought about. it. I feel uncomfortable talking about it still. My hat goes out to you. Thanks. I have considered plastic surgery, but at the same time. I'm okay with my body. if I was married maybe I would think differently. I guess I will live with a Maxine body.LOL. I'm glad you are getting everyone excited about somethin that affects everyone. Norma

[nanananabhappy]

Janie, I think that once again you consistently put yourself out there. Helping all of use talk about the things we dare not talk about because its uncomfortable. These thoughts you are having are in all our heads. there is not one person who has undergone weight loss surgery who hasn't thought about , or lived what you said. We don't talk about it because its one of the hurtful topics. how many times did we not hear from one person comments about our weight. Being the end of a pund or joke.

[IamKris411]

I love you Jane - you are great... thanks for being honest and putting this out there... there are so many of us who can probably relate to the before... I am still pre-op... as you know. I am looking forward to the ''closer'' part - and can totally understand that not feeling ''close enough''. Thanks again for sharing. :-)

[YogiUToo]

...some very good questions there, Miss Janie! I do believe God made us sexual beings, and it's okay to do all you can to let yourself feel sexy. If feeling sexy means plastics, it's okay to continue to strive to be the best you, you can be! Ha, sounds like you should join the Army! hahaha Hugs, Cami

[YourWLBuddy]

Here's some real talk: I was looking forward to smaller breasts. I was 44DDD and now about 38DD but the DD is all loose skin not real meat. What I didn't think about was that my "lower region" would get smaller as well! I've lost alot of the mons pubis fat. My husband is deployed until March and I have 38 more pounds until goal so it'll be "interesting" when he gets back to see the differences.

[LiLtinee]

I totally know where you're coming from. I think about this daily~much more than I want! My husband loved me at 300 lb and he loves me now, but I'm not happy with what I look like naked. I look pretty good in clothes, but wOw, underneath ...

Dena

[teresad4peace]

Janie: When I was big, my 'girls' were big too a sexy part. Now, 10.5 months out, my girls are long. It is very odd for me cause I don't *feel* too sexy. For me it's not so much vanity as still getting used to the changes in my body. We don't have to decide today about more surgery. We can be compassionate with ourselves and our reaction to the new body. ~~Teresa

[strongisfighting]

Great honest post, Jane! I don't think it's vain. Breasts are a major part of our identity as women. To me, this is similar to having a reconstruction after breast cancer and I think it's perfectly natural to want to restore yourself.

[zurplemoon]

I think it's  both. How comfortable you are in your body reflects in our sexual expression.

tube socks tee hee

beaver tails tee hee

[jstwnt2gethlthy]

Thanks for sharing this topic, and being HONEST, You rock, HUGS-Marie

[yelserp2]

hmm, is it about sex, vanity? For me it is both. We talked a little about this...I didn't think I would care about sagging, empty "girls" at 45 y/o and married for 24 years. But it turns out I do care, and hubby "supports" augmentation, as long as it's not too expensive =P.

You look great BTW!

[Serramist]

I understand what you are saying. I guess it is just a matter of what makes you feel good about your body, You were loved before the surgery and you are loved now

[ashleyandlee]

This is a great video. I really relate to what you are talking about. My husband and I are both about 100 lbs overweight and we have the issues you mentioned when it comes to sex. It's nice to hear from someone else who understands. We love eachother unconditionally but our sex life is lacking because #1 - it is just so uncomfortable to have sex when you're big, and #2 - we both lack confidence. We don't "feel" sexy and can't get in the mood.

Anyway, thanks for the vid!

[Tinab125]

Excellent video. I think your husband will love you with or without the plastics but as you say sex is about being closer and if you are not feeling physically attractive then you'll still be holding something back. Imagine what a gift that would be to your husband when your able share yourself completely with him without any reservations. Now that is going to be one lucky dude :)

[bandedwendy]

interesting video post. My BF had gastric bypass 6 years ago and lost 250 lbs.He is now 1/2 of his starting size.He has tons of loose skin and hates it. We have been dating for 2.5 years and have lived together for about 1.5 years.I have never had any issues with his extra skin or his "man boobs",I love him for who he is, not what he looks like. Of course, I am attracted to his "looks" but more of what is inside. he talks about plastics, but the cost is prohibitive. Do what makes you feel good.

[Katiria30]

I know that for me, Plastic Surgery will be a definite especially for my thighs which were and still remain MASSIVE as I still have weight to lose. I plan on getting a breast lift as well but dont think I would do augmentation unless I really had to on the doctors advice. Give your self some more time to think it over and see what your husband says....he may just look at you like what dont do that!

[msarcomere]

Jane, how does HE feel about this? Do what makes you happy and stronger (emotionally). It's natural to want to look hot for your husband.

[cosmobud]

Well done Jane!

[freshorangina]

I will definitely be doing plastics and for no one else but me. If I don't feel comfortable in my own body because it is distorted, than I am going to fix it with no apologies. I knew this was going to be an issue for me as I lost. When you talk about loosing vast amounts of weight like we have in the WLS community, these issues are unavoidable. Thanks for bringing it up and being so frank about your own experience.

[neecyd63]

Putting the spotlight on such a sensitive topic ..kudos Janie! The 'gross' factor as it relates to obese people having sex resonates with me..because mentally that's how I felt a partner would have to feel as I projected my feelings on them. We work hard to achieve our goals and is it wrong to want to make our bodies into the vessels into as close a version as God intended when he first created us. Is that vanity? Or is it honouring the temple God has given our souls to live in? I don't know.

[clbroadway]

I still don't let my hubby see me naked. I hate my 'apron' and my boobs. But I can't afford plastics.

[funmomma123]

great video janie! I feel the same way already and Im only 3 months out. My husband and I have never been "closer" than we are now. He loves my new body. I dont know if he is more into this body I have now or if Im more receptive to his affection. The hugging thing too. I feel like people embrace me more than just hug me. Its a great feeling. As far as your decisions on plastic surgery, just pray about it. God allowed you to have this surgery because he knew you wanted to be healthy...

[shewulfwyn]

Very candid video. I can fully relate and have my own issues. I knew all of this going into it all but now am almost regretting some things. You are a blessed woman to have a husband who loves you so much! Thank you!

[peterrabbit31]

great video. I love your brutal honesty. Although I'm not married. I can relate on a certain level. I have such horrible body issues that if a guy shows he likes me I think there's something mentally wrong with him (like he's not all there). Because I can't possibly imagine anyone liking this (me). I don't know if I'll ever get over that, even more now because my body is "melting". I hate surgery but I know it's inevitable for me unfortunately but I still doubt that will cure my body issues.