adoptees should not feel pressured to feel grateful and should not feel guilty for not feeling grateful. they can feel whatever they want to feel. it's all correct and acceptable. also i hope people don't lower korea. there is poor people here but there is poor people in all the other countries too. also the adoptive parents is not higher than the birth family. adoptees should not have to feel forced to say only nice things about the host country/family. they are carrying the most burden :(
you are extremely articulate, clear and amazingly kind considering the topic. I hope one day I will be able to respond to the views that frustrate me as well as you did.
who cares if you were adobted...u have parents...as i do, and my best friend, and my cousins who were adoted. just be greatful you have parents...alot of ppl dont look like their blood parents, soooooooooo wuuuuuuuuut. its like skin color...who freakin cares if your skin is purple!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't keep your comments to yourself. People get on youtube and just say the most hateful ignorant things because they can hide their identity when in reality they'd never say such things in their normal life because they KNOW they are stupid. The fact that you can go on camera and expose your personal feelings in such a way shows more courage than these people like nursewithapurse.
Thank you very much for making this video. I think a lot of the tongue-in-cheek comments that are thrown at adoptees are completely unfair. There's no shame in wanting to know your biological parents - the people that say otherwise don't or won't understand this fact simply because they themselves don't have another set of mysterious parents running around in a far off country.
in the end, while you envy the korean youth who identify themselves well with their same oriental looking sisters. those very korean youth would envy you being well off and live in more matured social system than korea in terms of gender equity. again, social pressure is LETHAL. doesn't matter what kind of social pressure. since i know the social pressure you would feel as a black dot in white cloth i won't say you should feel grateful. but don't forget no adoption is not equal to happier life.
but, you know? as much as the isolation you feel as an only oriental-looking american would make yourself die, the helplessness korean girls feel when they cannot stand cultural pressure and social bullying against them make them die too. so it's tragedy on both sides. i don't wanna ignore your suffering. but you should not ignore the suffering as a korean woman. you are definitely saved from those lethal psyche in the general society in korea because only you're on american side.
in this way, the korean commenter(was she korean? i don't know), made the mention "gratitude bla bla bla" i know very clearly your life is better than some of my korean female friends who suffer greatly from the cultural pressure. however, you feel isolated sometimes in american society because of your oriental-looking which is very big minor. i am an asian myself. i know it's NOT nothing. it affects your mental health hugely and some people die for that.
in my opinion, american society doesn't work that way against the rape issues for example. they are more calm and rational thinkers, and obviously on the victims' side more. i can see clearly how the society protects the victims in US. so given the disrespect issues against women in korean culture in general, the life as oriental-looking american would be way better. at least, i can firmly say, not disadvantaged at all. and now you seem to have very good family which is definitely a plus.
however, i should not discount your suffering as an non-white adoptee. in american culture, even if you look different but you can enjoy many things freely which is totally not allowed for women in korean culture. korean culture does not protect women well enough. better than other asian countries but not to the standard of US. because of the social pressure, the raped don't report or don't get enough support either. women abused but let's make it look like nothing. this kind of attitude.
sorry, korean women or korean american women, which one do you think live their lives better? it's very hard question to answer. i understand you being a black dot(yellow dot, whatever you prefer) among white environment has been harsh. however, with the pressure and human rights abuse practiced by KOREAN culture which you are not in, you can be way better off than korean woman. i don't know you personally but seems your family is quite well off. then, more likely you're more well off.
it's like you being asian looking in american society. people pretend you are the same but from time to time you get valued less by general public. it happens in korea for women. of course, you are a woman in american society, right? so you might think you are twice worse than them. but i don't think its necessarily true. do not think in koreans or americans view. in the very international and global view(you know US doesnt equal to world right?), korean women and american women.
since i am bilingual i understand rather completely the both sides of the stories. you and the one said "gratitude bla bla..". if you're born in korea as a woman there is a huge disadvantage to your individual well-being. people think them as lower value and the legal punishment against rapist is very ambiguous. and the social pressure against the woman to marry early or look pretty whatever age you are extremely harsh. women should behave this and that. and guys bash girls for anything.
positive comments can only appease to someone's (fake) pride and do not contribute to the truth. i think it's good to have those comments which been made by people who are very skeptical against you. this has been posted very long time ago. but anyway, here is my thought. i am bilingual, politically and philosophically very savvy about human life. and i am very interested how people identify themselves and how ordinary people live the world and how the government or society helps them.
The only way to make such an arrogant comment would mean the commentee would have to have been adopted as well. I don't want to be rude to the biological sprouts of their parents, but in all honesty, how would YOU know? In fact, you'll NEVER know!
All I can say is - you have my respect as a person.
It must be tough not knowing who your parents are - I wouldn't be bothered by what these people say. This is a deep personal issue - something of which these people could never ever understand. All that matters is what you are doing in your life and where your going. Negativity from these people does not even deserve one drop of your energy.
Btw Steph. I highly recommend that you visit South Korea if you haven't i.e if you were adopted from SK. There is something very powerful about living in a place where everyone feels like you. The important word here is "feels" not "looks." It is very settling, and it will help you fill the void inside. You could travel every year and take up teaching English in schools on an all expense paid volunteer program. I am sure there plenty of programs available to you in Korea.
Steph. You have a void that can consume you if you are not careful. If you cannot find your biological parents; I suggest you close that chapter until there is resources at your disposal that cab lead to the discovery of your biological parents or siblings. Move on. I know it is painful, but you need to move on. I am saying this for your sake. It will eat you inside if you don't let go. Pls Steph. Let go.
You do not owe your gratitude to anyone for being adopted! Nothing annoys me more (except for maybe adoption fundraising or people wrongly thinking Korea is a third world country) than people saying that adoptees are 'lucky'. Seriously? 'Lucky' is pretty much the last word I would use to describe someone who had to endure such loss. I wish people would stop telling adoptees how to feel and and stop acting like they get it. It's the adoptee's story; he or she is the only one that gets it!
That depends, I don't see the point in seeing gratitude for being adopted, it's like saying "Hey you should be thankful we had sex to get you!" to an biological child.
They are still your child adopted or biological, that's what matters.
Something they can be grateful for however is if the parents have really supported their child and helped to grow up to the person you are today.
@Snuskigaste Yes, that is true. However, that kind of gratitude has nothing to do with being adopted. That is the kind of gratitude that any person, adopted or not, may have for a parent. Frankly, though children are rarely grateful and I honestly wouldn't expect my kids to ever be grateful to me. Loving your child and giving them everything you can is just a natural part of parenting. Wanting to be a parent can be selfish, but parenting is selfless and you don't expect anything in return.
I am glad you told "Nursewithapurse" off!! You shouldn't have to "feel gratitude" for being adopted! Both you and your adoptive parents were blessed with each other... but to always hear people say how grateful you should be is just ignorant! My parents were foster parents and adopted my younger sisters and brother....and I hate when people say things like that. "Oh, they are so lucky your parents took them in" or "They must be so grateful for your parents". It makes me upset. So, good job!!
Please excuse those narrow-minded people who make those types of comments against you. You're clearly not simplistic or naive, they are just unable to see past their own experiences and sympathize with others.
I also dislike when people make it seem like whatever problems you may be experiencing/addressing, they feel you should better spend your time worrying about all the bigger problems in the world. (cont.)
Does this mean we should all never let anything bother us because there're always some bigger problems out there? They're clearly just cherry picking their argument for convenience's sake anyway - I highly doubt they just "get over" every problem they themselves encounter in their own lives because there are other things going on out there.
As someone who wasn't adopted and looking in on the matter, I can only speculate some of the problems one may encounter as an adoptee, but I think you're definitely on the right track where you stand. I can very well understand that mixed feelings would likely be inevitable from your position. I only wish you the best.
There is no understanding of other people's misunderstanding of something like this. People say words and they mean many things. Those people will never comprehend as you do and you will never relate in ways that they do. I am too tired to watch your video right now. I'm adopted too and I have felt pain and misunderstanding as well,but I try to accept myself for who I am and not be resentful and offended like my mind bends me to be. No clue where I was trying to go with this post. Too sleepy
First off, I commend you for taking some time to reply rather than reply when you were angry. That is hard to do. And I think your feelings are natural that you would never get to see your sisters or the rest of your family. That must be tough. I'm not adopted, so I can only imagine that it is a complicated issue. You come across as very well-spoken and very genuine...I think you are grateful. Just because you were in Korea doesn't mean you would have been in the sex trade..generalization
Yup any negative comments that are received are due to the lack of understanding of an adopted person's perspective... Naivety to the fullest. Another part is just from trolls...NEVER take a troll seriously : D.
Best of luck finding your family members, just remember on your pursuit don't forget about your real family
I love this video because you are so gut honest. I am a adoptive mother and I am a birth mother . I was a teenager and placed my child in a closed adoption. I reunited when!!!my son found me this summer. I feel so whole now and can understand adoption is not black and white. It is a beautiful thing that comes out of great loss. Having both sides has really helped me realize that there are two sides and until you can honestly deal with the pain the hurt can never be healed. Keep being honest!!!
As an adoptee I want to let you know your thoughts regarding gratitude are not lost on me. We (in my Native American adoptees group) also grapple with the idea that we should be grateful for the opportunities being adopted has afforded us.
Your rant is meaningful to you, but it is invalid for me but it doesn't matter because were all going to die anyway. WAIT speaking as an empathetic human, would u have a better life in korea? Would u be happier? There is so many "WOULD I" questions, all u rly have to ask urself is if ur happy, if the videos make yourself feel better, keep doing it. Maybe one day u can travel to korea, find your sisters and then wat now?
Thanks for posting this video. As a Korean-American adoptee, I understand where you are coming from. I don't think many if any people who aren't trans-racial adoptees can completely understand the emotions that go along with identity and adoption issues. Recently I, myself have been trying to come to terms with my own identity as a Korean American adoptee, after for such a long time wishing I'd just magically become white just so I could truly fit in with my family and friends.
Well said. You are helping more people than you could imagine by expressing your views and experiences. You addressed a comment that bothered you and everyone learned something in the process. I'm sure there are many people who are grateful for your videos.
(continued)... forming an identity, because many people don't understand adoptees enough to allow them intelligent and personal dialogue. your videos are a very constructive and mature way to open dialogue that will help not only yourself, but other adoptees all over the world.
i admire your positive attitude, and don't believe that anything in your video was negative, considering you were defending aspects of your identity from people who were attacking it.nobody has the right to tell another person what they should or shouldn't feel without having a relationship with that person first. though i'm not an adoptee (i'm a TCK), i can relate to you saying that expressing yourself is very therapeutic --i'll even add that it's necessary to forming an identity, because
Hi Stephanie - I actually randomly stumbled on to your video from another site but I'm really glad I did b/c I appreciate your genuine reach out to the KA adoptee community. Being both I understand as you do - to be an adoptee it's not an easy answer to find how to identify being Korean AND American - it shouldn't have to be a choice. It's not a choice. Anyways before I start my own rant, I want you to know I liked your vid (it was my first vid to see!) and I will be following - subscribed!
I've seen nothing in your video that you need to apologize for. It's simple. A piece of your "person" is missing. You ask the questions, "Who out there shares my family line?Do they think like me?Do they resemble me and by how much?Do they care about the same issues?What happened in their lives?" These people are blood and the feeling that you need to meet them is the same as needing to feel the sensation of having arms and legs. And just as important. It is the same issue as losing a loved one.
Look people... I said I was sorry to this lady... I have apologised emphatically, That is all I can do. I did not realize that many adoptee's have these same feelings, I wrote this before I actually had the facts. And, No I didn't watch all of her videos. Again I am sorry... So, If you want to continue to bash me... So be it.
Sorry just wanted to expand on my comment below. I guess I'm asking if there are things you wish you would have enrolled in, our discussions you would have had with your parents etc. Thanks
Hi Stephanie, I just wanted to thank you for the great videos, they've been excellent. Just a quick question, Do you feel there is anything specificially you would have benefited from as a Korean adoptee that would of helped you deal with your loss of idenitity. If you could do it over what would you change. I know its a tuff question. Again I would like to thank you for your courage and the time you take to share your thoughts. Great work.
@nursewithapurse obviously you are an ***hole and I'm guessing somewhat of a racist, judging by the statements you made. You obviously know **** about being an adoptee, so why don't you quiet down in the ***hole section.
As a Korean adoptee, I'm thankful for Stephanie's courage and openness, as it helps me feel not so alone and isolated, so thank you very much Stephanie :).
you are entitled to your emotions and reality like everyone else. what right does any one have to censor you for your honest emotions. I want to adopt myself and i want listen to the truth. I am not adopting to do any one a favor , keep someone as my emotional slave., nor trying to win a popularity contest. i am planning to adopt so i can learn to love. and to have someone to love, i should feel grateful.
@nursewithapurse I don't know if this comment is sarcastic or if you did not absorb anything that I spoke about in my video- but yes, it's wrong to "tell" a child that they are the luckiest child in the world without any consideration for the losses they have suffered at such a young age. It also perpetuates the Western bias of being superior to Eastern culture-- that children are being "saved" from China. My parents adopted me because they wanted a baby, not because they wanted to be martyrs.
Hey now, don't take the commenters too seriously. They can just nit pick one phrase or pick at you pretty easily. I know how you have a very grateful perspective. Don't get down or take this too personally.
Hope things are going well for you. Keep your head up!
I really like how you said that you are grateful, but not just BECAUSE you were adopted, but rather because you have a wonderful family. As future adoptive parents, I do want my children to be thankful to GOD for their circumstances, but not thankful to me just for adopting them. I recognize that adoptive parents aren't heroes who are saving the world, and some people don't get that. That probably didn't make any sense, lol. Great video though.
Speaking of gratitude, adoption into a wealthy nation is not all positive.
As an adoptee, while I know the opportunities and living standards are better here, I have faced issues of belonging, expectation and embarrassment all my life. While my girlfriend and parents are loving and understanding, an adoptee's situation is unique, and can be lonely.
My life can be challenging, but it would have been challenging in an orphanage also. I guess you just make the best of the hand that you're dealt.
For people to suggest that adoptees should feel gratitude towards their parents, as though they are some sort of charitable project, is insulting and illogical. I know people expect it because they don't understand - I can't be angry at them for that. I can be angry at them for judging me without understanding.
While I do feel gratitude, it's not for being 'rescued' through adoption. It's the gratitude of a son for his family, life & opportunities.
Keep your head up! It's a sad thing, but there are a lot of ignorant people in this world and sometimes its easier to let them be than try to correct or help them. I think you are doing a whole lot of good by telling people about your experience and honestly people need to stop judging you. You're just sharing your own story and not trying to represent all things and people related to adoption. So Silly!
I agree. You are just looking for normal information... its just nature.
People don't understand that because they have that information because they have grown up in there biological family. Everyone should naturally look for there roots and identity. Its just nature and how it works. And it bothers me that no one understands it. They expect us adoptee's to be grateful and justify why we are looking for something that is naturally ours yet, they don't have to be grateful for there family.
adoptees should not feel pressured to feel grateful and should not feel guilty for not feeling grateful. they can feel whatever they want to feel. it's all correct and acceptable. also i hope people don't lower korea. there is poor people here but there is poor people in all the other countries too. also the adoptive parents is not higher than the birth family. adoptees should not have to feel forced to say only nice things about the host country/family. they are carrying the most burden :(
123comment456 1 month ago 2
you are extremely articulate, clear and amazingly kind considering the topic. I hope one day I will be able to respond to the views that frustrate me as well as you did.
Espeizacion 1 month ago in playlist Uploaded videos
who cares if you were adobted...u have parents...as i do, and my best friend, and my cousins who were adoted. just be greatful you have parents...alot of ppl dont look like their blood parents, soooooooooo wuuuuuuuuut. its like skin color...who freakin cares if your skin is purple!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
smallbird5 1 month ago
Very well put. I have so much respect for you.
koyfishie9 1 month ago
Don't keep your comments to yourself. People get on youtube and just say the most hateful ignorant things because they can hide their identity when in reality they'd never say such things in their normal life because they KNOW they are stupid. The fact that you can go on camera and expose your personal feelings in such a way shows more courage than these people like nursewithapurse.
Christina314 1 month ago
Screw this user Steph, nursewithapurse must have no life at all. A person like this deserves no attention.
energylots 2 months ago
Thank you very much for making this video. I think a lot of the tongue-in-cheek comments that are thrown at adoptees are completely unfair. There's no shame in wanting to know your biological parents - the people that say otherwise don't or won't understand this fact simply because they themselves don't have another set of mysterious parents running around in a far off country.
omnomization 2 months ago
you go girl
KAmarineboy2012 3 months ago
in the end, while you envy the korean youth who identify themselves well with their same oriental looking sisters. those very korean youth would envy you being well off and live in more matured social system than korea in terms of gender equity. again, social pressure is LETHAL. doesn't matter what kind of social pressure. since i know the social pressure you would feel as a black dot in white cloth i won't say you should feel grateful. but don't forget no adoption is not equal to happier life.
activenon 7 months ago
but, you know? as much as the isolation you feel as an only oriental-looking american would make yourself die, the helplessness korean girls feel when they cannot stand cultural pressure and social bullying against them make them die too. so it's tragedy on both sides. i don't wanna ignore your suffering. but you should not ignore the suffering as a korean woman. you are definitely saved from those lethal psyche in the general society in korea because only you're on american side.
activenon 7 months ago
in this way, the korean commenter(was she korean? i don't know), made the mention "gratitude bla bla bla" i know very clearly your life is better than some of my korean female friends who suffer greatly from the cultural pressure. however, you feel isolated sometimes in american society because of your oriental-looking which is very big minor. i am an asian myself. i know it's NOT nothing. it affects your mental health hugely and some people die for that.
activenon 7 months ago
in my opinion, american society doesn't work that way against the rape issues for example. they are more calm and rational thinkers, and obviously on the victims' side more. i can see clearly how the society protects the victims in US. so given the disrespect issues against women in korean culture in general, the life as oriental-looking american would be way better. at least, i can firmly say, not disadvantaged at all. and now you seem to have very good family which is definitely a plus.
activenon 7 months ago
however, i should not discount your suffering as an non-white adoptee. in american culture, even if you look different but you can enjoy many things freely which is totally not allowed for women in korean culture. korean culture does not protect women well enough. better than other asian countries but not to the standard of US. because of the social pressure, the raped don't report or don't get enough support either. women abused but let's make it look like nothing. this kind of attitude.
activenon 7 months ago
sorry, korean women or korean american women, which one do you think live their lives better? it's very hard question to answer. i understand you being a black dot(yellow dot, whatever you prefer) among white environment has been harsh. however, with the pressure and human rights abuse practiced by KOREAN culture which you are not in, you can be way better off than korean woman. i don't know you personally but seems your family is quite well off. then, more likely you're more well off.
activenon 7 months ago
it's like you being asian looking in american society. people pretend you are the same but from time to time you get valued less by general public. it happens in korea for women. of course, you are a woman in american society, right? so you might think you are twice worse than them. but i don't think its necessarily true. do not think in koreans or americans view. in the very international and global view(you know US doesnt equal to world right?), korean women and american women.
activenon 7 months ago
since i am bilingual i understand rather completely the both sides of the stories. you and the one said "gratitude bla bla..". if you're born in korea as a woman there is a huge disadvantage to your individual well-being. people think them as lower value and the legal punishment against rapist is very ambiguous. and the social pressure against the woman to marry early or look pretty whatever age you are extremely harsh. women should behave this and that. and guys bash girls for anything.
activenon 7 months ago
positive comments can only appease to someone's (fake) pride and do not contribute to the truth. i think it's good to have those comments which been made by people who are very skeptical against you. this has been posted very long time ago. but anyway, here is my thought. i am bilingual, politically and philosophically very savvy about human life. and i am very interested how people identify themselves and how ordinary people live the world and how the government or society helps them.
activenon 7 months ago
Very well spoken. Thanks for sharing. And most people will never understand, because they're not products of international/interracial adoptions.
npr386 7 months ago
The only way to make such an arrogant comment would mean the commentee would have to have been adopted as well. I don't want to be rude to the biological sprouts of their parents, but in all honesty, how would YOU know? In fact, you'll NEVER know!
unisaurusrex 8 months ago
All I can say is - you have my respect as a person.
It must be tough not knowing who your parents are - I wouldn't be bothered by what these people say. This is a deep personal issue - something of which these people could never ever understand. All that matters is what you are doing in your life and where your going. Negativity from these people does not even deserve one drop of your energy.
energylots 8 months ago
Other things you can do...
You could date a good and loving Korean guy and get a feel for his family. If you love him, and he loves you, you can marry into his family.
spiro9210 8 months ago
Btw Steph. I highly recommend that you visit South Korea if you haven't i.e if you were adopted from SK. There is something very powerful about living in a place where everyone feels like you. The important word here is "feels" not "looks." It is very settling, and it will help you fill the void inside. You could travel every year and take up teaching English in schools on an all expense paid volunteer program. I am sure there plenty of programs available to you in Korea.
spiro9210 8 months ago
Steph. You have a void that can consume you if you are not careful. If you cannot find your biological parents; I suggest you close that chapter until there is resources at your disposal that cab lead to the discovery of your biological parents or siblings. Move on. I know it is painful, but you need to move on. I am saying this for your sake. It will eat you inside if you don't let go. Pls Steph. Let go.
spiro9210 8 months ago
Listening to you read that comment
I just wanted to say
"This bitch...."
Good for you for addressing such a comment with class and intelligence
Niteangel100 8 months ago
You do not owe your gratitude to anyone for being adopted! Nothing annoys me more (except for maybe adoption fundraising or people wrongly thinking Korea is a third world country) than people saying that adoptees are 'lucky'. Seriously? 'Lucky' is pretty much the last word I would use to describe someone who had to endure such loss. I wish people would stop telling adoptees how to feel and and stop acting like they get it. It's the adoptee's story; he or she is the only one that gets it!
HeartMyKPop 9 months ago
@HeartMyKPop
That depends, I don't see the point in seeing gratitude for being adopted, it's like saying "Hey you should be thankful we had sex to get you!" to an biological child.
They are still your child adopted or biological, that's what matters.
Something they can be grateful for however is if the parents have really supported their child and helped to grow up to the person you are today.
Snuskigaste 9 months ago
@Snuskigaste Yes, that is true. However, that kind of gratitude has nothing to do with being adopted. That is the kind of gratitude that any person, adopted or not, may have for a parent. Frankly, though children are rarely grateful and I honestly wouldn't expect my kids to ever be grateful to me. Loving your child and giving them everything you can is just a natural part of parenting. Wanting to be a parent can be selfish, but parenting is selfless and you don't expect anything in return.
HeartMyKPop 9 months ago
God bless you, I was not adopted, but wish I had been.
kareliamar 10 months ago
I am glad you told "Nursewithapurse" off!! You shouldn't have to "feel gratitude" for being adopted! Both you and your adoptive parents were blessed with each other... but to always hear people say how grateful you should be is just ignorant! My parents were foster parents and adopted my younger sisters and brother....and I hate when people say things like that. "Oh, they are so lucky your parents took them in" or "They must be so grateful for your parents". It makes me upset. So, good job!!
leinani10 10 months ago
Please excuse those narrow-minded people who make those types of comments against you. You're clearly not simplistic or naive, they are just unable to see past their own experiences and sympathize with others.
I also dislike when people make it seem like whatever problems you may be experiencing/addressing, they feel you should better spend your time worrying about all the bigger problems in the world. (cont.)
lGigandasl 10 months ago
Does this mean we should all never let anything bother us because there're always some bigger problems out there? They're clearly just cherry picking their argument for convenience's sake anyway - I highly doubt they just "get over" every problem they themselves encounter in their own lives because there are other things going on out there.
(cont.)
lGigandasl 10 months ago
As someone who wasn't adopted and looking in on the matter, I can only speculate some of the problems one may encounter as an adoptee, but I think you're definitely on the right track where you stand. I can very well understand that mixed feelings would likely be inevitable from your position. I only wish you the best.
lGigandasl 10 months ago
There is no understanding of other people's misunderstanding of something like this. People say words and they mean many things. Those people will never comprehend as you do and you will never relate in ways that they do. I am too tired to watch your video right now. I'm adopted too and I have felt pain and misunderstanding as well,but I try to accept myself for who I am and not be resentful and offended like my mind bends me to be. No clue where I was trying to go with this post. Too sleepy
dakdylan 11 months ago
I can understand your reaction iam adopted to
pinoy2211 1 year ago
First off, I commend you for taking some time to reply rather than reply when you were angry. That is hard to do. And I think your feelings are natural that you would never get to see your sisters or the rest of your family. That must be tough. I'm not adopted, so I can only imagine that it is a complicated issue. You come across as very well-spoken and very genuine...I think you are grateful. Just because you were in Korea doesn't mean you would have been in the sex trade..generalization
ace8842 1 year ago
Yup any negative comments that are received are due to the lack of understanding of an adopted person's perspective... Naivety to the fullest. Another part is just from trolls...NEVER take a troll seriously : D.
Best of luck finding your family members, just remember on your pursuit don't forget about your real family
chaudryoma 1 year ago
@chaudryoma why are you trolling?
donghyunwon610 11 months ago
I love this video because you are so gut honest. I am a adoptive mother and I am a birth mother . I was a teenager and placed my child in a closed adoption. I reunited when!!!my son found me this summer. I feel so whole now and can understand adoption is not black and white. It is a beautiful thing that comes out of great loss. Having both sides has really helped me realize that there are two sides and until you can honestly deal with the pain the hurt can never be healed. Keep being honest!!!
lynnortis 1 year ago
As an adoptee I want to let you know your thoughts regarding gratitude are not lost on me. We (in my Native American adoptees group) also grapple with the idea that we should be grateful for the opportunities being adopted has afforded us.
ilovetenchi21 1 year ago
Your rant is meaningful to you, but it is invalid for me but it doesn't matter because were all going to die anyway. WAIT speaking as an empathetic human, would u have a better life in korea? Would u be happier? There is so many "WOULD I" questions, all u rly have to ask urself is if ur happy, if the videos make yourself feel better, keep doing it. Maybe one day u can travel to korea, find your sisters and then wat now?
mangunhan 1 year ago
Comment removed
oxus72 11 months ago
Thanks for posting this video. As a Korean-American adoptee, I understand where you are coming from. I don't think many if any people who aren't trans-racial adoptees can completely understand the emotions that go along with identity and adoption issues. Recently I, myself have been trying to come to terms with my own identity as a Korean American adoptee, after for such a long time wishing I'd just magically become white just so I could truly fit in with my family and friends.
sabrinafair2 1 year ago
Well said. You are helping more people than you could imagine by expressing your views and experiences. You addressed a comment that bothered you and everyone learned something in the process. I'm sure there are many people who are grateful for your videos.
badgemom 1 year ago
(continued)... forming an identity, because many people don't understand adoptees enough to allow them intelligent and personal dialogue. your videos are a very constructive and mature way to open dialogue that will help not only yourself, but other adoptees all over the world.
marksnoop 1 year ago
i admire your positive attitude, and don't believe that anything in your video was negative, considering you were defending aspects of your identity from people who were attacking it.nobody has the right to tell another person what they should or shouldn't feel without having a relationship with that person first. though i'm not an adoptee (i'm a TCK), i can relate to you saying that expressing yourself is very therapeutic --i'll even add that it's necessary to forming an identity, because
marksnoop 1 year ago
Hi Stephanie - I actually randomly stumbled on to your video from another site but I'm really glad I did b/c I appreciate your genuine reach out to the KA adoptee community. Being both I understand as you do - to be an adoptee it's not an easy answer to find how to identify being Korean AND American - it shouldn't have to be a choice. It's not a choice. Anyways before I start my own rant, I want you to know I liked your vid (it was my first vid to see!) and I will be following - subscribed!
woojet 1 year ago
I've seen nothing in your video that you need to apologize for. It's simple. A piece of your "person" is missing. You ask the questions, "Who out there shares my family line?Do they think like me?Do they resemble me and by how much?Do they care about the same issues?What happened in their lives?" These people are blood and the feeling that you need to meet them is the same as needing to feel the sensation of having arms and legs. And just as important. It is the same issue as losing a loved one.
CHANNAKAJIMA 1 year ago
Look people... I said I was sorry to this lady... I have apologised emphatically, That is all I can do. I did not realize that many adoptee's have these same feelings, I wrote this before I actually had the facts. And, No I didn't watch all of her videos. Again I am sorry... So, If you want to continue to bash me... So be it.
nursewithapurse 1 year ago
Watch the clip from adoptedthemovie, "The expected sense of gratitude" Nursewithapurse
JegErLiret 1 year ago
Sorry just wanted to expand on my comment below. I guess I'm asking if there are things you wish you would have enrolled in, our discussions you would have had with your parents etc. Thanks
randomgoodnessca 1 year ago
Hi Stephanie, I just wanted to thank you for the great videos, they've been excellent. Just a quick question, Do you feel there is anything specificially you would have benefited from as a Korean adoptee that would of helped you deal with your loss of idenitity. If you could do it over what would you change. I know its a tuff question. Again I would like to thank you for your courage and the time you take to share your thoughts. Great work.
randomgoodnessca 1 year ago
@nursewithapurse obviously you are an ***hole and I'm guessing somewhat of a racist, judging by the statements you made. You obviously know **** about being an adoptee, so why don't you quiet down in the ***hole section.
As a Korean adoptee, I'm thankful for Stephanie's courage and openness, as it helps me feel not so alone and isolated, so thank you very much Stephanie :).
thatguy9634 1 year ago
you are entitled to your emotions and reality like everyone else. what right does any one have to censor you for your honest emotions. I want to adopt myself and i want listen to the truth. I am not adopting to do any one a favor , keep someone as my emotional slave., nor trying to win a popularity contest. i am planning to adopt so i can learn to love. and to have someone to love, i should feel grateful.
shopperoo99 1 year ago
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nursewithapurse 1 year ago
@nursewithapurse I don't know if this comment is sarcastic or if you did not absorb anything that I spoke about in my video- but yes, it's wrong to "tell" a child that they are the luckiest child in the world without any consideration for the losses they have suffered at such a young age. It also perpetuates the Western bias of being superior to Eastern culture-- that children are being "saved" from China. My parents adopted me because they wanted a baby, not because they wanted to be martyrs.
stephxhoney 1 year ago
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JegErLiret 1 year ago
Hey now, don't take the commenters too seriously. They can just nit pick one phrase or pick at you pretty easily. I know how you have a very grateful perspective. Don't get down or take this too personally.
Hope things are going well for you. Keep your head up!
FamilyManDano 1 year ago
I really like how you said that you are grateful, but not just BECAUSE you were adopted, but rather because you have a wonderful family. As future adoptive parents, I do want my children to be thankful to GOD for their circumstances, but not thankful to me just for adopting them. I recognize that adoptive parents aren't heroes who are saving the world, and some people don't get that. That probably didn't make any sense, lol. Great video though.
BrandonandKelly06 1 year ago
Speaking of gratitude, adoption into a wealthy nation is not all positive.
As an adoptee, while I know the opportunities and living standards are better here, I have faced issues of belonging, expectation and embarrassment all my life. While my girlfriend and parents are loving and understanding, an adoptee's situation is unique, and can be lonely.
My life can be challenging, but it would have been challenging in an orphanage also. I guess you just make the best of the hand that you're dealt.
monkimagick 1 year ago
For people to suggest that adoptees should feel gratitude towards their parents, as though they are some sort of charitable project, is insulting and illogical. I know people expect it because they don't understand - I can't be angry at them for that. I can be angry at them for judging me without understanding.
While I do feel gratitude, it's not for being 'rescued' through adoption. It's the gratitude of a son for his family, life & opportunities.
I'm a Korean adoptee living in Sydney, AU.
monkimagick 1 year ago
Keep your head up! It's a sad thing, but there are a lot of ignorant people in this world and sometimes its easier to let them be than try to correct or help them. I think you are doing a whole lot of good by telling people about your experience and honestly people need to stop judging you. You're just sharing your own story and not trying to represent all things and people related to adoption. So Silly!
thatgirlvivian 1 year ago
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nursewithapurse 1 year ago
I agree. You are just looking for normal information... its just nature.
People don't understand that because they have that information because they have grown up in there biological family. Everyone should naturally look for there roots and identity. Its just nature and how it works. And it bothers me that no one understands it. They expect us adoptee's to be grateful and justify why we are looking for something that is naturally ours yet, they don't have to be grateful for there family.
zelsgirl 1 year ago