try to blur your vision like when you put your finger directly infront of your nose and look at it,dont do it too much your eyes will look weird,that could work for eye contact i have aspergers myself,if you try it let me know how you got on.(please)
Anyone knows how to tell if you have Asperger's or schizophrenia? Can you have both at the same time.....? What about dramatic mood swings....? Could it be bipolar? Is that even possible....? Any advice, please.....?
@mumenschantz No, it's called Aspergers Syndrome. A "syndrome" is a collection of symptoms without a formally understood cause. Hence if you have enough of the symptoms, you have Aspergers *by definition*.
@01stanbk, I used to have the exact same problem as you. It gets better. In my experience, if you try to stop being too self-concious and not care if you're "doing it right", it becomes easier and eventually effortless.
i do something smiler. I put so much total fear if someone sees me mediating.
i can not do it and it's bad and distressing.
no body psychoanalysis or do anything. Even someone you pay $150 to see just wants to say you have a condition or bad advice like you need to plant a garden. I know this is total bullshit.
i had this problem, the cure for me was exercise, 30 mins on the cross trainer realllly helps confidence and ability to have eye contact. see if it helps you :)
Did something internal go wrong beforehand. even if you don't know what it is and you can't even describe it. Visual stress disorder. that's original. That fact it's is You.
dsm is crap and is for dumb americans. there is no chemical imbalance. including Autism or any claim. it treats any behaviors including Alzheimer and dementia. That's all they do. It's Eugenics. That behavior is not except able. These disorders are made up and sold as illness and fake science just for drugs.
I'm 37 and was diagnosed with Aspergers last year. I've been struggling with eye contact all my life, never knew why so this was a bit of an eye opener (pun intended) for me.
I'm somewhat of a social outcast because I am just not good at connecting with most people. But one thing I always force myself to do is to look people in the eye and focus on them and only them. It is really hard but it makes a world of difference. And with (a lot of) practice it does get easier to focus your thoughts.
@mumenschantz I'm beginning to see a pattern here. If you chose not to take your prescribed medication, that is your own affair. What chemical imbalance has to do with Asperger's, I have no idea…it is a neurological difference, not a chemical one. I have wasted enough effort trying to convince you to educate yourself. I apologise to 01stanbk for having to put up with this silly argument.
@mumenschantz Good grief, your ideas are nothing more than paranoid conspiracy theories..add them to the twin towers were the work of the CIA or that dinosaur bones were planted by the devil to "tempt" us. But then you may well believe these things.. I repeat find out what you are talking about before you speak and upset and confuse people who need genuine help and support.
@mumenschantz I appreciate what your saying, any deviation from the social norm will make people stand out as being "different" I do not fit the established pattern of social norm either but I don't assume I have Asperger's. However, I fail to see why "I" have to prove anything. I am not qualified to either prove or disprove the existence of the condition known as Asperger's, are you? There are many who are qualified, perhaps you should read some of their work.
@mumenschantz Let me get this straight. You are denying that Aspergers is a genuine condition yes because there is no physical proof? So Schizophrenia does not exist because you can't see it or touch it…likewise clear gases do not exist because they are not solid?
Concerning the eyes,I hope that Brahmi (bacopa monieri) could help you. Please tell me if you got along with these tipps. AHHHHH, I have to mention that I sent the Autist that I know to the homopath bc. I 've heard about anoth. Autist who went to this Dr. for rem.; the asylum he lives in had calles the mother "what has happened, your son is totally normal". BUT: this autist refuses to take the rem. ME also went to the homopath. DR. and got big help with endokrinol.probs!!! -TRY homopathy!
....the mentioned stuff brought some change (more open) and now the homopathic remedy really is going to reach the core of his personality, or better say: his organism, though - at the psychological side,his tendency to show refusal - also from own plans, saying etc. - is going on,but there is some hope that he is on the right path with this homop. stuff. Google about homopathy. The autist will soon get a higher potentce of his hom. remedy, hope this will bring the break-through.
try homopathy and practice with several means, step by step! I know an autist (my neighbour, same school and age) who had severe problems with eye-contact. Talking about this changed something (though in other cases he is remaining the same and shows big refusal to change, though ev.body talking about change). He started with Vitamin B6 and SAMe etc., took Ayurvedic herbs (like Brahmi) and now homopathy. He is changing in looking, watching, way of moving, his charakter is also affected...
@babybirdhome I have so much trouble understanding what is going on inside my son's seven year old head, but I think you are right that I need to explain the why and how of things. I don't always take the time to do that, but my son always asks tons of questions about EVERYTHING, and he obsesses about things he sees, reads, or hears. Thanks for your insight, It is really helpful.
OMG, when you were describing how you can't look someone in the eye and still be able to hear them, I could so relate! For people who don't have Asperger's, if you've ever seen The Peanuts cartoons on TV whenever the adults talk. When I look someone in the eye while they're talking, it's like their voice is still going but there aren't any words anymore. It's just "mah mah mah blah blah blah mah mah" and there's nothing there to understand but noise.
My son has aspergers and he always struggles with eye contact. He never makes eye contact. When I talk to him, I hold his face (gently) and make eye contact with him. When he looks away I remind him to make eye contact. From your experience, do you think that is damaging? I thought I was teaching him.
@ajoahmarie If he has Asperger's instead of another form of autism, it would probably be better to explain to him directly that looking at people when talking to them is important, but don't make him do it. We need to understand everything in explicit detail, we need to know the how and the why. If you just tell him to do it and try to make him do it, you're probably stressing him out so much that he won't be able to understand. You can't take anything for granted with an Aspie, explain it all.
@ajoahmarie - I just what to add really to what has already been said. I personally would avoid making you son make eye contect, simiply beocuse for me it made the expirence negative, i connect eye contect with people being cross and institing I do it. This has ment that i am very aware of eye contact, but i still find it exptreamly difficult and it know courses me extrea anxiaty. Everyone is different. If you can teach your son...
... at such a young age the importence of eye contect in a possertive and rewording way,my advice we be do all you can to accive that, maybe explaining you know how hard it is for him to do and that you will go at his pace and every time he does manage to make eye contact smile and tell him how much to love him and how pround you arepossibally also maybe look away after a few seconds so that he can get used to it but very slowly and not overwell him all at once...
@01stanbk I really appreciate your input. Just the other day I tried to explain to him why he needs to make eye contact and that it is not sociably acceptable to look away when talking in our (U.S.) culture. He couldn't articulate why he doesn't like to make eye contact, but I can tell he is very uncomfortable. I have gotten so used to forcing him, that it is going to take an effort for me not to force him anymore.
@ERRaudAR - yes that is the other exteam, people is aspergers eather can't make eye contact or they stare, it tends to go eatehr one why or the other.
@01stanbk no, I previously couldnt look in peoples eyes for so long too , but i weaned it someday , and it isnt uncomfortable. i made it myself and now i do it gladly.
isnt it fine to see your girl / boyfriends eyes ? I know normal people that have more problems with this than i had.xD I'll teach her.
I have aspergers and this prob too bt I also have a weird problem where if I'm walking along the street and someones coming the other way, I feel completely awkward. I begin to smile and idk why its weird ik lol but I just suddenly start smiling somewhat and I feel horrible cause I probably look stupid just smiling as I walk by someone. Ik it seems to make no sense but it does happen.
I literally cannot control my mouth. My lips just form into a smile and yet inside I'm really stressed out :/
assburgers are sick people. i hope they all get what they deserve which is for a truck to run over them repeatedly back and forth back and forth. hooray! victory over the cripples.
YES!!! I have that same problem! Can't hear people when I look at them. Sucks for job interviews!! I make creepy eye contact when I am very mad though, it was pointed out to me once. I think it's a instinctive reaction though. I think if i could watch a video or memorize a face before meeting them it may be better. Can you remember details of a face in a glance? I can. I know their eye shape & color, nose and chin shape in a matter of a second. But not their names. Strange I guess, huh?
i've had this same issue since i was a teenager and i am 25 now. at some age i just realized that i was staring at someone elses eyeballs. i cant hold contact for more than a moment. only my girlfriend can i sort of do it. i'm afraid it looks as if i have a lazy eye. or i'm just rudely, "looking through" people. like i'm not listening, i'm afraid, shy and timid. and i find myself looking at the nose or something, but thats got me into trouble too.. a black guy thought i was a gawking racist..
I hate people who want to "look you in the eye" when talking, it just seems so RUDE. For me it is natural to either face 90 degrees away when talking and go about some other business, or look down towards their right shoulder. Do ordinary people look each other in the eye when they talk? I had thought only con men type-used car salesmen type people did such an aggressive thing when talking.
I actually had a teacher who was blind in one eye and I had no difficulty looking into his blind eye. I just hope he didn't think I was staring. Can people see which eye your looking at?
i have the same problem. i cannot for the life of me maintain eye contact for more than like 1 second, because it feels like staring to me. idk the difference. the only occasion when i feel like i can comfortably maintain eye contact is when i'm tripping on lsd or shrooms. (im not joking lol)
As an artist, I plan on leaving eyes off my works to represent my trouble with eye contact and well.....I've never told anyone this but I can't stand looking into the eyes of my work. It's crazy but true.
For the record as long as I'm in a comfortable social situation I have little difficulty looking someone in the eye.
What sucks the most, is that people don't understand and they think it's really rude. People always thinks I'm lying and as I have eye problems, it's even worse.
i dunno if i'm autistic spectrum in any way (never been diagnosed), but ive always had severe problems with eye contact and generally providing the social cues people expect. i didn't care or notice as a child or teenager but around age 20 or so i became very self conscious about it and now feel like im somehow not doing my part in my relationships. i was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety though so maybe that has something to do with it.
I have problem with eye contact, but only sometimes it happens I find and it happens more when I have my glasses on (I wear glasses for driving and seeing far).
I myself have aspergers and I think people really need to be more aware and understanding of people with aspergers. It just seems that there's an established way of doing things and I have found that if you dont fit into it then society just disregards you. I really like your video! You are very brave and I know what your going through. I find it hard with eye contact and just feel very uncomfortable looking someone in the eye.
@JohanBomholt - 2 things really, I had only just got them when I main the video (they are to help with my dyslexia) and so were a bit of a novelty. Also if people who watch this video are watching it because they dislike eye-contact I thought i would help and cover my eye to help people feel more conferrable.
In my teens I forced myself to start making eye-contact. I noticed that everybody else could do it and was always trying to do it with me, so I figured it must be important. I got over the fear of it, but that's all that happened. The intensity of it hasn't changed and the mental pressure involved in doing it is the same as it always was. I recommend getting over any fear of it gradually and working out how little you can get away with doing in any social setting. That's what I did :-)
Ive had this problem for the past 6 years, im 14. I am recently learning i have asbergers. I am so so so so glad other people can perfectly relate. And for all the skeptics, looking someone in the eye is my biggest challenge each day. I face many others but this one stands out. I told my math teacher i was absent because i went to a take your kid to work day, and my Dad just forgot to declare my absence. I told him id get a note, and he called me a liar. I couldn't look im in the eye.
I can relate.. in my speech class, it was so hard... i told the prof i was an aspie and that it is challenging for me... she hated me for some reason because she gave me a C for no reason other than this.. she cut me no slack
I find that if I pick a particular part of someone's face to look at, I can handle direct eye contact. I will set the left eye just under the eyebrow as a safe place to look and I find it much more comfertable to face people
I don't like making eye contact. As a lifeguard, you are trained not to make eye contact during a conversation so you can continue guarding the pool even when talking to people. An odd solution/excuse within that environment.
Do you find it difficult to make eye contact and listen at the same time because you are constantly thinking to yourself "am i looking at the right area on their face" and other thoughts that just keep coming in your head, stopping you from focusing on what the person is actually saying?
@schtickl sort of, but my thoughts tend to be more like, 'i must keep making eye contact', there is this exception that i should make eye contact and a lot of the time i can't and consecrating on that is hard work, so i loss focus on listening.
I am on the autistic spectrum and I really liked you're video. I find it hard to make eye contact unless I really like what the other person is saying. Thanks for posting this.
You need to work on your elocution so much of what you said was too quiet to understand. i had to turn up my computer all the way until the speaker was humming to even hear you
Some cultures consider eye contact extremely rude. Attorneys in some parts of the USA have to study native american body language, because the indians will not make eye contact. In Turkey also its interesting that Turks consider smiling too much to be disingenuous. I myself can only hold fleeting eye contact with anyone. I often look to the right or position myself so that I dont have to face the person.
Eye c ontact is a real issue. If you fail to make what people consider appropriate eye contact you're treated with suspicion, at best. People seem to feel that you're hiding something . In fact, as the film mentions, it's the intense processing that goes on that makes eye contact so problamatic. Even if I wear sunglasses I still find eye contact stressful as so much energy is expended on analysing what's before you. I end up looking elsewhere which in turn can make others unfortable.
@9999necron "by who?" by peer reviewed scientific journals where everything is evidence based and unbiased. do your research before you regurgitate conspiracy-theory rubbish as if it were fact.
@robokill387 Andrew Wakefield, There you go, gave you one person who did a study and found pretty much all children with autism had a gut disease, and by making them go through mercury detox most would no longer be considered autistic. Oh but he was proven to be a fraud by the government right? the same government which threatened the scientist who peer reviewed his papers on this finding that they would have their licenses removed if they didn't retract their support. So who's conspiring here?
@robokill387 Now that I found out about Aspergers everything makes sense, my whole family is affected by it. It describes both my parents, and my mom's mother as well as my brother and I. My sister seems the only one unaffected, but I bet she is a "carrier" and I see signs of it in her young son. Obviously it is genetic, as my father was born in 1927 and my grandmother on a primitive North Dakota farm in 1910; well before all these modern chemicals blamed for Aspergers existed.
I am with you. I have always been freaked out about looking right at people, especially if they're "creepy." Nowadays, I refuse to make eye contact with people I don't like at all.
I find eye contact painful, so working in a social setting I either watch peoples mouths, or I watch their forehead... doesn't always work as more often than not I catch myself talking to people with my head turned away from them as I talk and I watch them through my peripheral vision. **sigh** Not for lack of trying tho. Watching you on this video reminded me a lot of myself when I am on my webcam. You did a great job :)
when i wear sunglasses i think often people either think i'm really arrogant or weird or they cant or dont want to talk to me or connect with me the same cos they want to see my eyes to do that... It's really annoying because I'm really confident otherwise, but I just can't do they eyes! And it totally stops my enjoyment of socialising completely and i cant be close to people. Its not only the extreme discomfort of looking in someones eyes or the mind blankness, i also just feel like i look
Wow it's really good to watch this....I know it doesn't make the problem go away...but it is comforting to understand others know what its like...... Eye contact basically ruins my life! Its strange though, I only started noticing I had problems with it when I was about 14, before that I never thought about it....which makes me wonder if it because of asperger's or some other reason. I have been diagnosed by the way, but that doesn't mean all that much. I have no solution either....
Hi, I had similar experiences in my teens and early adulthood. I was in a state of extreme discomfort (psychologically, emotionally & even physically) This led to all sorts of uncomfortable thoughts & beliefs about myself. All that time, something kept me 'battling', and I'm delighted to be able to say that my instinctive desire to avoid social situations is now history. I now love real meaningful contact with others. Finding myself wasn't easy & wasn't quick, it was a process. Never Give Up :0)
Eye contact for me is the same as what jwardmagic07 wrote. "If I look them in the eyes ... my mind goes completely blank." This is called stammering. I am an older Aspie, age 60. This problem still persists, but it's not as bad as it was before the age of 18.
I see you are using the dark glasses to sheild the eyes I do that. Mine are reactorlight though so I don't have the normal problems of wearing sun glasses in say Winter which looks stupid. Any glasses can help with eye contact and using glasses means the NTs can't see your eyes so you just point your head in their direction
@jwardmagic07 - well social anxiaty and asperegers are closely related, I'de say the eye contact side of my asperegsrs is possibally more soical anxiaty related but Asperegers is more than that, so you have the traids of impoarment, social communication, socail interaction and social immaginaion are the three main things that effect people with aspregers as as you can see it's all about the socail side of things. Anxiaty is just an added thing on to all thoughs under lieing problems.
@01stanbk Ahh okay, thankyou for explaining it to me, it helped me understand the differences more. One thing about aspergers that people say is that 'aspies' lack empathy for others. I find that is very untrue. I have a few friends with aspergers who definitely don't lack empathy, they just feel awkward about expressing it, and expressing themselves in general.
I HATE eye contact. But for one reason. My eye's don't look in the same position. It amazes me you can't do it, seeing as you eyes are normal.. Well, you haven't mentioned your eyes are abnormal...
hi ... i'm an aspie and have always found eye contact very very difficult for the reason you state..too much going on and it's too distracting to be able to talk. i'm also part native and you might find it interesting and hopeful to know that traditionally, sustained eye contact was considered very rude and confrontational! i can and like to look at some eyes if there's no talk, or if i'm just listening but even then it's hard to stay there... toooooo intense! thank you, yur kewl!
try to blur your vision like when you put your finger directly infront of your nose and look at it,dont do it too much your eyes will look weird,that could work for eye contact i have aspergers myself,if you try it let me know how you got on.(please)
saulhudsonrules555 17 hours ago
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Anyone knows how to tell if you have Asperger's or schizophrenia? Can you have both at the same time.....? What about dramatic mood swings....? Could it be bipolar? Is that even possible....? Any advice, please.....?
erewrwify 3 days ago
@mumenschantz No, it's called Aspergers Syndrome. A "syndrome" is a collection of symptoms without a formally understood cause. Hence if you have enough of the symptoms, you have Aspergers *by definition*.
@01stanbk, I used to have the exact same problem as you. It gets better. In my experience, if you try to stop being too self-concious and not care if you're "doing it right", it becomes easier and eventually effortless.
craigbarnes85 1 week ago
i do something smiler. I put so much total fear if someone sees me mediating.
i can not do it and it's bad and distressing.
no body psychoanalysis or do anything. Even someone you pay $150 to see just wants to say you have a condition or bad advice like you need to plant a garden. I know this is total bullshit.
CliveGains80s 1 week ago
@mumenschantz You need to calm down...
A popular theory about autism is that its because of an unusually high exposure to a certain androgen while the foetus is still developing.
PennyDreadful1 1 week ago
@mumenschantz Autistics have been found to have brains that are statistically atypical.
And most aspies dont even use medication. Some zoloft perhaps.
PennyDreadful1 1 week ago
i had this problem, the cure for me was exercise, 30 mins on the cross trainer realllly helps confidence and ability to have eye contact. see if it helps you :)
TheQariKid 1 week ago
Did something internal go wrong beforehand. even if you don't know what it is and you can't even describe it. Visual stress disorder. that's original. That fact it's is You.
dsm is crap and is for dumb americans. there is no chemical imbalance. including Autism or any claim. it treats any behaviors including Alzheimer and dementia. That's all they do. It's Eugenics. That behavior is not except able. These disorders are made up and sold as illness and fake science just for drugs.
CliveGains80s 2 weeks ago
@CliveGains80s What drugs!?
PennyDreadful1 1 week ago
Thank you very much for this video. I look forward to sharing this with parents/teachers so they quit trying to force eye contact.
ExistentialFaery 2 weeks ago
I'm 37 and was diagnosed with Aspergers last year. I've been struggling with eye contact all my life, never knew why so this was a bit of an eye opener (pun intended) for me.
I'm somewhat of a social outcast because I am just not good at connecting with most people. But one thing I always force myself to do is to look people in the eye and focus on them and only them. It is really hard but it makes a world of difference. And with (a lot of) practice it does get easier to focus your thoughts.
DigitalRiesNL 2 weeks ago
@mumenschantz I'm beginning to see a pattern here. If you chose not to take your prescribed medication, that is your own affair. What chemical imbalance has to do with Asperger's, I have no idea…it is a neurological difference, not a chemical one. I have wasted enough effort trying to convince you to educate yourself. I apologise to 01stanbk for having to put up with this silly argument.
AliPentland 3 weeks ago
@mumenschantz Good grief, your ideas are nothing more than paranoid conspiracy theories..add them to the twin towers were the work of the CIA or that dinosaur bones were planted by the devil to "tempt" us. But then you may well believe these things.. I repeat find out what you are talking about before you speak and upset and confuse people who need genuine help and support.
AliPentland 3 weeks ago
@mumenschantz I appreciate what your saying, any deviation from the social norm will make people stand out as being "different" I do not fit the established pattern of social norm either but I don't assume I have Asperger's. However, I fail to see why "I" have to prove anything. I am not qualified to either prove or disprove the existence of the condition known as Asperger's, are you? There are many who are qualified, perhaps you should read some of their work.
AliPentland 3 weeks ago
@mumenschantz Let me get this straight. You are denying that Aspergers is a genuine condition yes because there is no physical proof? So Schizophrenia does not exist because you can't see it or touch it…likewise clear gases do not exist because they are not solid?
AliPentland 3 weeks ago
@mumenschantz, with respect… you don't have a clue.
AliPentland 3 weeks ago
Concerning the eyes,I hope that Brahmi (bacopa monieri) could help you. Please tell me if you got along with these tipps. AHHHHH, I have to mention that I sent the Autist that I know to the homopath bc. I 've heard about anoth. Autist who went to this Dr. for rem.; the asylum he lives in had calles the mother "what has happened, your son is totally normal". BUT: this autist refuses to take the rem. ME also went to the homopath. DR. and got big help with endokrinol.probs!!! -TRY homopathy!
Pianda 3 weeks ago
....the mentioned stuff brought some change (more open) and now the homopathic remedy really is going to reach the core of his personality, or better say: his organism, though - at the psychological side,his tendency to show refusal - also from own plans, saying etc. - is going on,but there is some hope that he is on the right path with this homop. stuff. Google about homopathy. The autist will soon get a higher potentce of his hom. remedy, hope this will bring the break-through.
Pianda 3 weeks ago
try homopathy and practice with several means, step by step! I know an autist (my neighbour, same school and age) who had severe problems with eye-contact. Talking about this changed something (though in other cases he is remaining the same and shows big refusal to change, though ev.body talking about change). He started with Vitamin B6 and SAMe etc., took Ayurvedic herbs (like Brahmi) and now homopathy. He is changing in looking, watching, way of moving, his charakter is also affected...
Pianda 3 weeks ago
@mumenschantz ?
01stanbk 3 weeks ago
@babybirdhome I have so much trouble understanding what is going on inside my son's seven year old head, but I think you are right that I need to explain the why and how of things. I don't always take the time to do that, but my son always asks tons of questions about EVERYTHING, and he obsesses about things he sees, reads, or hears. Thanks for your insight, It is really helpful.
ajoahmarie 4 weeks ago
OMG, when you were describing how you can't look someone in the eye and still be able to hear them, I could so relate! For people who don't have Asperger's, if you've ever seen The Peanuts cartoons on TV whenever the adults talk. When I look someone in the eye while they're talking, it's like their voice is still going but there aren't any words anymore. It's just "mah mah mah blah blah blah mah mah" and there's nothing there to understand but noise.
babybirdhome 4 weeks ago
My son has aspergers and he always struggles with eye contact. He never makes eye contact. When I talk to him, I hold his face (gently) and make eye contact with him. When he looks away I remind him to make eye contact. From your experience, do you think that is damaging? I thought I was teaching him.
ajoahmarie 1 month ago
@ajoahmarie If he has Asperger's instead of another form of autism, it would probably be better to explain to him directly that looking at people when talking to them is important, but don't make him do it. We need to understand everything in explicit detail, we need to know the how and the why. If you just tell him to do it and try to make him do it, you're probably stressing him out so much that he won't be able to understand. You can't take anything for granted with an Aspie, explain it all.
babybirdhome 4 weeks ago
@ajoahmarie - I just what to add really to what has already been said. I personally would avoid making you son make eye contect, simiply beocuse for me it made the expirence negative, i connect eye contect with people being cross and institing I do it. This has ment that i am very aware of eye contact, but i still find it exptreamly difficult and it know courses me extrea anxiaty. Everyone is different. If you can teach your son...
01stanbk 4 weeks ago
... at such a young age the importence of eye contect in a possertive and rewording way,my advice we be do all you can to accive that, maybe explaining you know how hard it is for him to do and that you will go at his pace and every time he does manage to make eye contact smile and tell him how much to love him and how pround you arepossibally also maybe look away after a few seconds so that he can get used to it but very slowly and not overwell him all at once...
01stanbk 4 weeks ago
.. It sounds to me like you are already doing an amazing job, by looking for way to help him, hope that's helpful, all the best.
01stanbk 4 weeks ago
@01stanbk I really appreciate your input. Just the other day I tried to explain to him why he needs to make eye contact and that it is not sociably acceptable to look away when talking in our (U.S.) culture. He couldn't articulate why he doesn't like to make eye contact, but I can tell he is very uncomfortable. I have gotten so used to forcing him, that it is going to take an effort for me not to force him anymore.
ajoahmarie 3 weeks ago
I having the staring problem too, so much that sometimes i find myself trying to force myself to look the other way
mmorery227 1 month ago
HEY I HAVE ASPERGERS SYNDROM AND I LOOK IN THE EYES OF EVERY PEOPLE THAT SPEAK WITH ME ! EVEN SO LONG ;THAT THE PEOPLES GET CONFUSED !! :D
ERRaudAR 1 month ago
@ERRaudAR - yes that is the other exteam, people is aspergers eather can't make eye contact or they stare, it tends to go eatehr one why or the other.
01stanbk 1 month ago
@01stanbk no, I previously couldnt look in peoples eyes for so long too , but i weaned it someday , and it isnt uncomfortable. i made it myself and now i do it gladly.
isnt it fine to see your girl / boyfriends eyes ? I know normal people that have more problems with this than i had.xD I'll teach her.
ERRaudAR 4 weeks ago
I have aspergers and this prob too bt I also have a weird problem where if I'm walking along the street and someones coming the other way, I feel completely awkward. I begin to smile and idk why its weird ik lol but I just suddenly start smiling somewhat and I feel horrible cause I probably look stupid just smiling as I walk by someone. Ik it seems to make no sense but it does happen.
I literally cannot control my mouth. My lips just form into a smile and yet inside I'm really stressed out :/
deanmullen10 1 month ago
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assburgers are sick people. i hope they all get what they deserve which is for a truck to run over them repeatedly back and forth back and forth. hooray! victory over the cripples.
c16gregjockca 1 month ago
YES!!! I have that same problem! Can't hear people when I look at them. Sucks for job interviews!! I make creepy eye contact when I am very mad though, it was pointed out to me once. I think it's a instinctive reaction though. I think if i could watch a video or memorize a face before meeting them it may be better. Can you remember details of a face in a glance? I can. I know their eye shape & color, nose and chin shape in a matter of a second. But not their names. Strange I guess, huh?
lisacmeier 1 month ago
When I have the energy, i give people a quick glance. Otherwise I store my energy.
MrChub65 1 month ago
you are my people!
TheZinkman1985 1 month ago
Your accent ♥
erewrwify 1 month ago
i feel ya
TheJaysLife 1 month ago
i've had this same issue since i was a teenager and i am 25 now. at some age i just realized that i was staring at someone elses eyeballs. i cant hold contact for more than a moment. only my girlfriend can i sort of do it. i'm afraid it looks as if i have a lazy eye. or i'm just rudely, "looking through" people. like i'm not listening, i'm afraid, shy and timid. and i find myself looking at the nose or something, but thats got me into trouble too.. a black guy thought i was a gawking racist..
natruto 1 month ago
What about people you have know for a long time. Is it still difficult then ? (example; Family and long term friends)
Tokrb 1 month ago
@Tokrb - it's not quite as bed, but i still don't really make much eye-contact with family, but i can if i need to it's not quite as uncomfortable.
01stanbk 1 month ago
I hate people who want to "look you in the eye" when talking, it just seems so RUDE. For me it is natural to either face 90 degrees away when talking and go about some other business, or look down towards their right shoulder. Do ordinary people look each other in the eye when they talk? I had thought only con men type-used car salesmen type people did such an aggressive thing when talking.
Nightowl2548 1 month ago
I actually had a teacher who was blind in one eye and I had no difficulty looking into his blind eye. I just hope he didn't think I was staring. Can people see which eye your looking at?
micheals1992 1 month ago
i have the same problem. i cannot for the life of me maintain eye contact for more than like 1 second, because it feels like staring to me. idk the difference. the only occasion when i feel like i can comfortably maintain eye contact is when i'm tripping on lsd or shrooms. (im not joking lol)
JumpingFrog82 1 month ago
As an artist, I plan on leaving eyes off my works to represent my trouble with eye contact and well.....I've never told anyone this but I can't stand looking into the eyes of my work. It's crazy but true.
For the record as long as I'm in a comfortable social situation I have little difficulty looking someone in the eye.
Trashcansam123 1 month ago
What sucks the most, is that people don't understand and they think it's really rude. People always thinks I'm lying and as I have eye problems, it's even worse.
It's great that I can relate to someone ! :)
emmalouisedance 2 months ago
i dunno if i'm autistic spectrum in any way (never been diagnosed), but ive always had severe problems with eye contact and generally providing the social cues people expect. i didn't care or notice as a child or teenager but around age 20 or so i became very self conscious about it and now feel like im somehow not doing my part in my relationships. i was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety though so maybe that has something to do with it.
copyrightdna 2 months ago
The only time I really lack any kind of eye contack is when I'm at work. I just feel so infeorior at work.
RB902050 2 months ago
ME TOO!!! sometimes i am good at looking at mouths though. i tend to just stare there, or look at their clothes.
KerenChen 2 months ago
I have problem with eye contact, but only sometimes it happens I find and it happens more when I have my glasses on (I wear glasses for driving and seeing far).
UsernameHasExpired 2 months ago
I myself have aspergers and I think people really need to be more aware and understanding of people with aspergers. It just seems that there's an established way of doing things and I have found that if you dont fit into it then society just disregards you. I really like your video! You are very brave and I know what your going through. I find it hard with eye contact and just feel very uncomfortable looking someone in the eye.
UNDERGROUNDELECTRIC 2 months ago
Whats with the glasses?
JohanBomholt 2 months ago
@JohanBomholt - 2 things really, I had only just got them when I main the video (they are to help with my dyslexia) and so were a bit of a novelty. Also if people who watch this video are watching it because they dislike eye-contact I thought i would help and cover my eye to help people feel more conferrable.
01stanbk 2 months ago 7
@01stanbk Other Aspies have also told me that they wear sun glasses to help with eye contact issues. personally I look at peoples mouths.
micheals1992 1 month ago
In my teens I forced myself to start making eye-contact. I noticed that everybody else could do it and was always trying to do it with me, so I figured it must be important. I got over the fear of it, but that's all that happened. The intensity of it hasn't changed and the mental pressure involved in doing it is the same as it always was. I recommend getting over any fear of it gradually and working out how little you can get away with doing in any social setting. That's what I did :-)
NiamhFrancisPianist 2 months ago
Ive had this problem for the past 6 years, im 14. I am recently learning i have asbergers. I am so so so so glad other people can perfectly relate. And for all the skeptics, looking someone in the eye is my biggest challenge each day. I face many others but this one stands out. I told my math teacher i was absent because i went to a take your kid to work day, and my Dad just forgot to declare my absence. I told him id get a note, and he called me a liar. I couldn't look im in the eye.
rougevader 3 months ago
this sounds a bit silly and sounds like people are being brainwashed to think this way not always convinced
Devik666 3 months ago
I can relate.. in my speech class, it was so hard... i told the prof i was an aspie and that it is challenging for me... she hated me for some reason because she gave me a C for no reason other than this.. she cut me no slack
LW9960 3 months ago
I find that if I pick a particular part of someone's face to look at, I can handle direct eye contact. I will set the left eye just under the eyebrow as a safe place to look and I find it much more comfertable to face people
MyBlastoiseIsBigger 3 months ago
Look into someones eyes and you can feel there emotions.
justincabell 3 months ago
I don't like making eye contact. As a lifeguard, you are trained not to make eye contact during a conversation so you can continue guarding the pool even when talking to people. An odd solution/excuse within that environment.
MWCharke 3 months ago
Holy shit. I'm in the fuckin matrix.
sylarwins 3 months ago
Do you find it difficult to make eye contact and listen at the same time because you are constantly thinking to yourself "am i looking at the right area on their face" and other thoughts that just keep coming in your head, stopping you from focusing on what the person is actually saying?
schtickl 4 months ago 2
@schtickl sort of, but my thoughts tend to be more like, 'i must keep making eye contact', there is this exception that i should make eye contact and a lot of the time i can't and consecrating on that is hard work, so i loss focus on listening.
01stanbk 4 months ago
@01stanbk Hi, I have a little top for you about eye contact: try to look in the middle of their two eyes, between the skin that is between the eyes.
ModCrate 1 month ago
I am on the autistic spectrum and I really liked you're video. I find it hard to make eye contact unless I really like what the other person is saying. Thanks for posting this.
MikeKorins 4 months ago
You need to work on your elocution so much of what you said was too quiet to understand. i had to turn up my computer all the way until the speaker was humming to even hear you
cogit8able 4 months ago
Some cultures consider eye contact extremely rude. Attorneys in some parts of the USA have to study native american body language, because the indians will not make eye contact. In Turkey also its interesting that Turks consider smiling too much to be disingenuous. I myself can only hold fleeting eye contact with anyone. I often look to the right or position myself so that I dont have to face the person.
schlachthauz 4 months ago
Eye c ontact is a real issue. If you fail to make what people consider appropriate eye contact you're treated with suspicion, at best. People seem to feel that you're hiding something . In fact, as the film mentions, it's the intense processing that goes on that makes eye contact so problamatic. Even if I wear sunglasses I still find eye contact stressful as so much energy is expended on analysing what's before you. I end up looking elsewhere which in turn can make others unfortable.
aspecs62 4 months ago
mercury poisoning causes loss of eye contact... hint hint....
9999necron 5 months ago
@9999necron - you talking about MRR vacseen? well oddly enought i never had it for some odd reson I had them seperatly.
01stanbk 5 months ago
@01stanbk other vaccines have mercury in them, u should go through a mercury detox. doubt you'd still have autism then.
9999necron 5 months ago
@9999necron - interseting, but apparently the hole Mercury possing thing is know proven to be folse anyway.
01stanbk 5 months ago
@01stanbk by who? the government? lol of course they're going to say its false, criminals on't admit their crimes.
9999necron 5 months ago
@9999necron "by who?" by peer reviewed scientific journals where everything is evidence based and unbiased. do your research before you regurgitate conspiracy-theory rubbish as if it were fact.
robokill387 4 months ago
@robokill387 Andrew Wakefield, There you go, gave you one person who did a study and found pretty much all children with autism had a gut disease, and by making them go through mercury detox most would no longer be considered autistic. Oh but he was proven to be a fraud by the government right? the same government which threatened the scientist who peer reviewed his papers on this finding that they would have their licenses removed if they didn't retract their support. So who's conspiring here?
9999necron 4 months ago
@9999necron the mercury poisoning thing has been scientifically discredited. if you still beleive that crap, you're living in a delusion.
robokill387 4 months ago 3
@robokill387 Now that I found out about Aspergers everything makes sense, my whole family is affected by it. It describes both my parents, and my mom's mother as well as my brother and I. My sister seems the only one unaffected, but I bet she is a "carrier" and I see signs of it in her young son. Obviously it is genetic, as my father was born in 1927 and my grandmother on a primitive North Dakota farm in 1910; well before all these modern chemicals blamed for Aspergers existed.
Nightowl2548 1 month ago
I am with you. I have always been freaked out about looking right at people, especially if they're "creepy." Nowadays, I refuse to make eye contact with people I don't like at all.
CaitlinBrooksMusic 5 months ago
I find eye contact painful, so working in a social setting I either watch peoples mouths, or I watch their forehead... doesn't always work as more often than not I catch myself talking to people with my head turned away from them as I talk and I watch them through my peripheral vision. **sigh** Not for lack of trying tho. Watching you on this video reminded me a lot of myself when I am on my webcam. You did a great job :)
MyEventHorizon2012 5 months ago
Funny, you can't even make eye contact with the camera. Do you get anxious? Feeling of panic?
Can you make eye contact with friends or family?
Well, it isn't a crime and most people should understand. As a guy, sometimes, a wandering eye can be 'creepy'.
berlinbrown03 5 months ago
weird when im doing it, i always think they can tell that its forced and it just makes me anxious... ah well.
notjustforxmas 6 months ago
when i wear sunglasses i think often people either think i'm really arrogant or weird or they cant or dont want to talk to me or connect with me the same cos they want to see my eyes to do that... It's really annoying because I'm really confident otherwise, but I just can't do they eyes! And it totally stops my enjoyment of socialising completely and i cant be close to people. Its not only the extreme discomfort of looking in someones eyes or the mind blankness, i also just feel like i look
notjustforxmas 6 months ago
Wow it's really good to watch this....I know it doesn't make the problem go away...but it is comforting to understand others know what its like...... Eye contact basically ruins my life! Its strange though, I only started noticing I had problems with it when I was about 14, before that I never thought about it....which makes me wonder if it because of asperger's or some other reason. I have been diagnosed by the way, but that doesn't mean all that much. I have no solution either....
notjustforxmas 6 months ago
I typically wear dark glasses to avoid making eye contact. I get away with it because I'm a goth, so it sort of goes with the uniform.
TMThesaurus 6 months ago
Hi, I had similar experiences in my teens and early adulthood. I was in a state of extreme discomfort (psychologically, emotionally & even physically) This led to all sorts of uncomfortable thoughts & beliefs about myself. All that time, something kept me 'battling', and I'm delighted to be able to say that my instinctive desire to avoid social situations is now history. I now love real meaningful contact with others. Finding myself wasn't easy & wasn't quick, it was a process. Never Give Up :0)
Alex37anabit 6 months ago
Eye contact for me is the same as what jwardmagic07 wrote. "If I look them in the eyes ... my mind goes completely blank." This is called stammering. I am an older Aspie, age 60. This problem still persists, but it's not as bad as it was before the age of 18.
StevoArtist1 6 months ago
I see you are using the dark glasses to sheild the eyes I do that. Mine are reactorlight though so I don't have the normal problems of wearing sun glasses in say Winter which looks stupid. Any glasses can help with eye contact and using glasses means the NTs can't see your eyes so you just point your head in their direction
Aspergianstar2009 6 months ago
I have asperger's syndrome myself. I have a bit of difficulty with eye contact and understanding emotions.
Boxanadu 7 months ago
Comment removed
jwardmagic07 7 months ago
@jwardmagic07 - well social anxiaty and asperegers are closely related, I'de say the eye contact side of my asperegsrs is possibally more soical anxiaty related but Asperegers is more than that, so you have the traids of impoarment, social communication, socail interaction and social immaginaion are the three main things that effect people with aspregers as as you can see it's all about the socail side of things. Anxiaty is just an added thing on to all thoughs under lieing problems.
01stanbk 7 months ago
@01stanbk Ahh okay, thankyou for explaining it to me, it helped me understand the differences more. One thing about aspergers that people say is that 'aspies' lack empathy for others. I find that is very untrue. I have a few friends with aspergers who definitely don't lack empathy, they just feel awkward about expressing it, and expressing themselves in general.
jwardmagic07 7 months ago
@jwardmagic07 I'de say that is very true, I defently feel empathy but like you said it some times can be hard expressing it.
01stanbk 7 months ago
I was you. It does get better over time. It is hard to see that now. But trust me. Over the years it will get better.
AlbaneseJohn 7 months ago
I HATE eye contact. But for one reason. My eye's don't look in the same position. It amazes me you can't do it, seeing as you eyes are normal.. Well, you haven't mentioned your eyes are abnormal...
Foyder 7 months ago
hi ... i'm an aspie and have always found eye contact very very difficult for the reason you state..too much going on and it's too distracting to be able to talk. i'm also part native and you might find it interesting and hopeful to know that traditionally, sustained eye contact was considered very rude and confrontational! i can and like to look at some eyes if there's no talk, or if i'm just listening but even then it's hard to stay there... toooooo intense! thank you, yur kewl!
hawkdreaming 7 months ago
i have aspergers syndrome and suffered from it badly i now have friends cus i get wired on drugs n booze and force ppl to b my friends lol
klaatin 8 months ago
i agree 100% with you on this.....good post...I've tried some other ways such as staring at the nose etc. but it doesn't really help...
MrVaultDweller77 8 months ago
omg I'm 100% with u... same problem =[
YoungNubb 8 months ago
I'm an aspiechick, just like you. You did a great job explaining problems with eye contact.
aspie232 9 months ago