O Lord please don't burn us, don't grill or toast your flock. Don't put us on the barbecue, or simmer us in stock. Don't braise or bake or boil us or stir fry us in a wok. Oh please don't lightly poach us or baste us with hot fat. Don't fricassee or roast us or boil us in a vat, and please don't stick thy servant Lord in a Rotissomat. Genius.
I truly believe this is one of Python's most perfect sketches: The 'lesson', rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant, poor Jenkins and then the hymn.
I have never not laughed out loud at this sketch, it's the type of satire+absurdity which makes Life of Brian my favourite film.
@hippyfriend I completely agree. I personally feel that the ridiculous bible reading nonesense is just as bad as when the bible was read in our actual school assemblies. It's a great parody of that. Perfect. "From now on, the Cormorant is strictly OUT, OF BOUNDS!"
For a superbly witty, good humoured look at the meaning of life try ' The reason driven life' by top author Robert M Price. Also authors John W. Loftus, Dan Barker, Valerie Tarico, Victor J. Stenger on youtube
Recently I was watching the british royal wedding on tv, and when the anglican bishop conducting the ceremony said "Let us pray" all that came before my eyes was Michael Palin going "Oh Lord, ooo you are so big!" Kinda ruined the solemnity of the whole occasion for me. Monty Python has ruined so much in my life and I'm utterly grateful to them for doing so.
According to 1.6bn Muslims [25% of world's population]. The purpose of life is simple: #1. acknowledge Allah your Creator, and acknowledge His Oneness, and then single Him out for all worship and servitude, living your life in complete submission to His Will, as defined by Him in His Books, the last being the Quran, and by the teachings of His chosen prophets, the last being Muhammad (peace be upon him). - doing this to seek His pleasure, forgiveness and mercy. Hope its clear to all. Thanks
This was actually taken from the little-known the gospel of Policarp 2nd edition. Its not in the bible so most people havent read it and it wasnt in the bible because it was actually written as a joke several years after the death of John the Disciple after heavy drinking in a pub in the upper-west side of modern day Izmir....yes. Thats all true, except for the lies.
Also, enough with the atheists trying to draw parallels between this and actually bibilical books, you're failing miserably.
oh lord you are soo big!!! LMAOO dont simmer us in a stock CLASSIC!! this is exactly how the church hyms soud like in real life it all comes down to us fear ing god and praising him by calling him great and powerful
And then the teacher tells the boy about the death of his mother totally without compassion and care, as he feels it's just an unimportant event that the lord has made to happen and that's how it is.
In reality there is no god and the death of a loved one is very tragic, especially for children!
And as the ancient Epicurus has said(in a nutshell): There is no god, because the world would have to be perfect if he would exist!!
Then the 'teacher' tells some bullshit about the cormorant and the prank a few boys did and it's obvious the cormorant has absolutely no role at all!
And then the preachers song shows, what horrible things this lord would do to us, if he would exist, as he would petty much roast us everyday, if he would exist, as everyone can notice, if you look at how life is!!
A perfect scene indeed!! First it illustrates the crap from the Bible that does not really tell anything usefull or good!!
Then the priest and his prayer illustrates perfectly the ridiculousnesss of the obsessive and crazy and meek worship, where the human being is this worthless crap and the lord(if it would exist-I am an atheist) is everything and the human being is just a crapy toad!
I also remember going to school and getting this sort of prayer service going on. Worship is such an interesting concept. Prostrating yourself with set out words of thanks, and more significantly, servitude.
But this scene is brilliant. It really is dead on the money, exaggerating everything just enough to identify perfectly the ridiculousness of church worship. Subtle enough to make you realise those parts that are actually just this, but in different, pre-ordained wording.
I wonder why real churches can't be like this one - seriously. The prayer is much more personal and comprehensible, witty, yet without blasphemy. Most adorable thing.
I went to a school like this and can see exactly where Python were coming from.The whole worship 'script' seemed like such a sycophantic, demeaning prostration. it was embarrassing. 'Oh Lord, oooh you are so big' just sums it up perfectly.
Leave it to the British to make fun of religion in a way that Americans wouldn't dare to in fear of incurring God's wrath. This is brilliant stuff. I miss the Pythons. Bless you, Graham Chapman - RIP.
This is why so many fall asleep in church! Knowing that it is a jealous and vengeful deity, one must show the utmost respect and obedience, otherwise you may have your eyes seared out. Don't forget it loves the smell of burning flesh, so don't be offering vegetables.
A very funny and fitting parody of just how nonsensical the Bible is. It's great that the Monty Python crew point out how stupid it is to praise God, as if an Omnipotent being has such a big ego that he actually likes all this buttering up and begging.
I find it interesting that Christians here have told me that I can find faith in God through Bible study. Most Christians DO NOT become Christians through the Bible. Even people who were not indoctrinated by their parents into Christianity or aren't "default" Christians only study the Bible AFTER a conversion experience.
In fact, although I do it everyday, I don't see why most people would ever want to read the Bible if they didn't believe in the first place!
@comodocomodos, though I highly respect your opinion, for it looks like you thought it through, I can't help but to urge you to look at Christianity and religions in general from a different point of view. I see from your strong atheistic view there is no conversion in your near future, however a closer study of the Bible may cause a change of heart. God Bless
@CJMTstudios I don't have strong atheistic views and am not married to it. I used to be a communist but when I saw through evidence that communism made claims that could not be backed up with facts and that the claims capitalists made were more tenable, I abandoned my beliefs in communism. If I see theistic arguments that are stronger than the skeptic ones I will do the same. I study the Bible and the more I study it the more I believe God is fictional and the Bible a set of fables and no more.
@comodocomodos i am by no means "religious"; i merely believe religion is a set of codes on how to live your life (and therefore trust it as much as i do a loaded gun). but i see the bible as a set of fables that are SUPPOSED to be fables, not fact, and are supposed to teach a lesson rather than be true stories. just throwing that out there, seeing if it sticks. oh, love Monty, too.
" i see the bible as a set of fables that are SUPPOSED to be fables"
Me too. The talking snake at the beginning is a dead giveaway. Whenever you have talking animals, you're dealing with a fable that's supposed to be a fable.
"...religion is a set of codes on how to live your life"
It's often a set of MY codes on how to live YOUR life.
@comodocomodos@comodocomodos i am by no means "religious"; i merely believe religion is a set of codes on how to live your life (and therefore trust it as much as i do a loaded gun). but i see the bible as a set of fables that are SUPPOSED to be fables, not fact, and are supposed to teach a lesson rather than be true stories. just throwing that out there, seeing if it sticks. oh, love Monty, too.
@comodocomodos Yes, I read it in the Bible. But also, if you're still questioning the prophets you should study their prophecies and see if they came true for yourself.
God repremanded his people, and his prophets even as he allowed for them to do things that were not His vision for them.
@takineko Don't believe in prophecies, magic, gods, devils. witches, leprechauns, or ghosts (holy or otherwise). But I do believe that if you make a claim, it's up to you to show it's true. Nobody has ever been able to convince me—and I have never been able to convince myself—that the Bible ain't a work of fiction. There is a talking donkey in the Bible (Numbers 22) and when the story has a TALKING DONKEY, you're dealing with fiction. SHREK has a talking donkey! Shouldn't that hint be enough?
@comodocomodos Not everyone can be convinced either. Sometimes God will show you something and you'll be too ready to dissmiss it, but later on in life, He might catch you in a different state/frame of mind and you might listen. [that's the general "you" not trying to sound disrespectful] I don't think anything is impossible for an omnipotant God who created everything in existance. Jesus even said the rocks would cry out if the people did not.
@takineko I don't know if you have children but everyone that does has moments when they reassure the little ones that scary supernatural creatures like vampires and werewolves aren't real, that they're make-believe, and that there is no need to fear them. I suppose that there is an extraordinarily small chance that there IS a monster under little Timmy's bed but I would bet my life that there isn't one. It, God, the Devil, and their cousin the "Boogey Man" are products of the human mind only.
@rowiian I don't know. When I was a kid, I always got a kick out of it when my priest say "Let a snot be led into temptation." I don't know why he was talking about mucus but it was funny as all hell. I guess when you get older "bugger" jokes aren't that funny anymore.
@comodocomodos [count] Many things can go wrong in this world, many people can try to destroy all that God attempts to do, and maybe there are some things missing or rough translations but the message is still there, and you CAN figure it out when you read it with an open heart and pray for answers and understanding.
Occasionally I see a bumper sticker that reads: "God said it, I believe it, and that settles it." My response is always, What if God didn't say it? What if they book you take as giving you god's words instead contains human words? What if the Bible doesn't give a foolproof answer to the questions of the modern age - abortion, women's rights, gay rights, religious supremacy, Western-style democracy, and the like? --Bart Ehrman (Misquoting Jesus)
@comodocomodos When you study the Bible you find proof that the prophets aren't making things up when comparing them to eachother, and to history. The biggest proof is that God is very personal, and when you open yourself up to Him and ask Him to show you what you can believe he reveals himself to you in a very real way-- so that you have no doubt. You might even experience something miraculous but its just for you, between the two of you. [count]
@comodocomodos [count] when it comes to modern issues Bible study clarifies what is right and wrong pretty easily. It might not use the word abortion, but when it comes to children it is expressed over and over that it is a gift from God. It is also said our bodies do not belong to us, they belong to God. If you have faith, God will help you to take care of that child, or find someone who can. Gay rights can seem tricky [count]
@comodocomodos [count] because if being gay is a sin does that mean we take away people's right to do what they want? There are tons of other sins out there we allow other people to do knowing that its a sin. I personally dont vote on the matter, if people want to be gay what am I going to do? Yell at them about it? I can show them the Bible, but only if they want to listen to it, shoving it down their throat does nothing. My gay friend Stephen is the only friend who loves the bible and [count]
@comodocomodos [count] and my friend stephen believes homosexuality is wrong. I never once pushed that on him. I've never had that weakness so I don't know how hard it is to hear that God wants to help you not be gay or anything like that-- how hard that has to be to accept. I have no idea. Anyway, relgious supremacy? You will have to elaborate on that. Various styles of government dont matter much, so long as the laws dont contradict God and force sin on people.
@takineko There is one question you haven't answered: "How do we know that what God wants is in the Bible?" You might find that the fact that God is personal either in your Bible or in your life as "proof" but to me you might as well present a taco as proof.
@comodocomodos As I meant to say, it is a very personal journey to find out what is true and what is not, and who is God. You do have to pray about it, you do have to read, study things, everything, anything but you have to pray that God show himself to you, and help you to understand and find the truth. You have to really open your heart to the possibilities and accept that some truth might be hard to hear, might not be what you want-- but it can be proven.
@takineko " You do have to pray about it, you do have to read, study things, everything, anything but you have to pray that God show himself to you, and help you to understand and find the truth."
We does your God make it so hard? For a God who wants me to worship Him, he sure is playing hard to get! I also find your assertion that "it can be proven" strange. If it can be proven, why do they call it faith?
@comodocomodos I'm having troube keeping up with all the coments, they dont all seem show up in my inbox, in response to your comparison of God and satan to "the boogy man" and make believe, I dissagree, obviously. Besides, I have nothing to fear of satan if I have faith in God.
You say you don't have to fear Satan if you have faith in God. I agree with you. You have to fear GOD if you have faith in God and it would seem to me that since He is so much more powerful and is destined to win in the end--at least in your believe system--that's a lot more scary than fearing Satan. To come full circle, that's why MP's "Oh, Lord Please Don't Burn Us" is addressed to the Notorious G.O.D. He's the big cheese; the HNIC. The buck stops with Him. He calls all the shots.
@comodocomodos You don't have to fear God, [if you're refering to the text in the Bible that says fear God, it's translated from a word that means "revere"] What God wants is for us to genuinely love Him-- you don't cower in fear of those you love. He wants us to have peace in our hearts that we're close to Him. His victory on the last day of our history is ours too, and we get to go home with Him where there is no more sin or weakness to sin.
@takineko "You don't have to fear God..." I fear those who believe in gods. In an ideal world, good people do good things and bad people do bad things. In our world, religion pushes good people to do bad things. Gods cause people to crash planes into buildings and all of the other horrible things believers do. But if you want to see proof that the God of the Bible wants you to fear him NOT LOVE HIM it won't take you that long.
@comodocomodos People are going to do bad things regardless of religion. It is human nature. God is not out to kill people in plane crashes, Satan is the one who wants you dead by whatever means. Strange how you can blame God and claim not to believe in Him. When you pray for faith and understanding and witness miracles in your own life, you realize who God really is is not who Satan wants you to believe He is.
@takineko What makes YHWH more real than Ranginui? What makes your "God the Father" more real than the Romans' Jupiter (which means "Jove the Father") ? How about Horus? The Ancient Egyptians thought he was as real as you believe YHWH is. They had prophets, prophecies, and miracle claims too. What makes your claims any more valid? And what about Joseph Smith? He was a prophet according to the Mormons; they have a holy book too. And divine revelations. Should we all join the LDS church?
@comodocomodos He will prove Himself to you personally. I can go on and on about this Bible study, and that history study and why I believe what I believe, and so could all of those who believe other things. You need to diligently, and sincerily search for the truth yourself and I promise He will reveal the truth to you. All I can do is point you to some Bible studies if you are interested in looking into it. It is between you an Him. He is not pushy or a show off. Not forceful.
@takineko "He is not pushy or a show off. Not forceful."
The God of the Hebrew Bible is all of those things. I would call what he did to the entire Egyptian nation rather "forceful" in Exodus 11;16. And he sure is a "show off" as far as the Egyptian are concerned in Exodus 9;16.
And pushy? He would put a used car salesman to shame.
Even if I find faith in God or find out that the real God is that one in the Bible I won't worship him. He's morally repugnant. It's immoral to worship that God.
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
@comodocomodos When He's given fair warning He's going to do something, and other's try to go against Him, there are going to be reprocussions. I don't see any showing off there. God shows His power so that others might believe. He doesn't always show it when people disobey, He also shows it to help those who love Him to grow in their faith.
You want to know why the Pharaoh went against God? God hardened his heart! Over and over again. (Exodus 4;21, 7;3, 9;12, 10;1, 10;20, 10;27, 11;10, 14;4, & 14;8, ) Now why would he do THAT? The Bible says so that the Egyptians resist and he can open up a can of whipass on them.
The real reason is that if the Pharaoh lets the Israelites go in the beginning there are no neat parlour tricks like the cane that turns into a snake etc. It's fiction.
@takineko "God shows His power so that others might believe."
The Israelite god of Exodus isn't interested in having the Egyptians believe in him. He just wants to show off his power. That's why he kills their babies and destroys their crops. He's trying to impress them. You would think creating the Universe would be enough. But this story predates Genesis so God hadn't created the world yet. Timing is everything.
@comodocomodos when i read that at first it sounded like a BS superchristian response to something, then i kept going and i laffed and said "thats awesome" i give ur comment 2 and a half thumbs up :D
YHWH said to Moses: “Get up early in the morning, stand before Pharaoh, and tell him: ‘Thus says YHWH, the ELHM of the Hebrews: “Release my people so that they may serve me! ...by now I could have stretched out my hand and struck you and your people with plague, and you would have been destroyed from the earth. But for this purpose I have caused you to stand: to show you my strength, and so that my name may be declared in all the earth. (Exodus 9;13-16)
@comodocomodos I DON'T blame God for bad things that happen because God doesn't exist. I blame—like I've already said—people who believe in God(s) and those who worship humans (like Hitler, Stalin, Kim, or Mao) who are just as bad. I don't blame Satan either because he's just as imaginary. I don't pray because I don't believe in anything supernatural to pray TO. You're obviously a very intelligent and talented person but you've said nothing to convince me that God (or Satan) is not imaginary.
@comodocomodos [count] The best proof are the prophecies. Sadly few people realize that the Bible itself holds the keys to decoding them. You don't make up your own interpretation, or go to some one else, the Bible will flat out tell you what the symbolic meanings are. And they were written many years before the events took place.
@takineko I've read the Bible in its entirety several times. What it tells me is that it was written by a diverse group of people over hundreds and hundreds of years with different ideas and different attitudes about God, love, life, justice, and the human condition. And THAT can be proven.
@comodocomodos True. You can read the Bible and still not see that it could be true. Like I said it's a personal thing between you and God and you really do have to open yourself up to see things you may never have noticed several times while reading it. Always something new to learn. It was written very long ago by very different people, also true. God can use anyone even the worst sinner - and change them. They still retain an original personality, they're not robots [count]
@comodocomodos [count] God does allow for us to have differences of opinion, in fact some times the diciples bickered over who should go with who to spread the gospel because they could see each other's weaknesses, etc. God didn't pop out of the clouds and tell them specifically how they should deal with every little difference of opinion on things. And he does allow for certain cultural differences to govern different choices [count]
@comodocomodos [count] For example, in 1st Corinthians Paul states that the Holy Spirit did not ask him to say the following, but that it allowed for him to-- and then he went on to say that women should not talk in the Temple. That was a cultural thing that God allowed men to do-- which is often because the hardness of the hearts of people wants something like that and there would be a fight over it.
@takineko "... and then he went on to say that women should not talk in the Temple. That was a cultural thing that God allowed men to do"
Now, what's more likely:
a) God allowed men to prohibit women from speaking in the temple
or
b) Men wanted to take control of the Church and said God allowed men to do so?
To me, it seems more likely that that men wrote that in order to maintain control. And I have seen evidence that this is the case. I can present it if you want.
@comodocomodos [count] In order to not offend others. There was a huge argument in the early church wether gentiles who become Christian should get circumsized. In the end they said, look this is just an outward thing in the flesh that doesnt matter but we should do it just to put at ease the Jewish people who really don't think it's right not to be circumsized. Because people are so wrapped up in how they think things should be, God sometimes allows traditions and cultural things like this.
@takineko Again, isn't it more likely that the early Christians who were eager to convert Greco-Romans who in turn were, literally, very much attached to their foreskins said God says it's okay if you don't circumcise boys or that God really said it was okay. By the way, that covenant was with the children of Abraham. When Christians decided it was okay to keep their foreskins they were essentially saying that it was okay NOT to keep the covenant. Which is no skin off their you know whatiznames.
@comodocomodos They were very particular about copying the scriptures. Each word was written, checked, double checked by more than one person before going on to the next. Secondly, God knew people would have power over the Bible and so some things were written prophetically because they talked out against those who would have the power to destroy it. [Revalation and Daniel] --[count]
@takineko The first Christians were very BAD at copying scriptures and some of the earliest Christian writings we have about the Gospels are of the first church fathers COMPLAINING that the copies were so bad that they felt some of the copyists were corrupt, drunk, barely literate, or all of the above. Most of Paul's letters were not even written by Paul. The God most Christians describe as perfect and all knowing had a HORRIBLE way of getting his alleged message across.
O Lord please don't burn us, don't gril or toast your flock. Don't put us on the barbecue, or simmer us in stock . Don't braise or bake or boil us or stir fry us in a wok. Oh please don't lightly poach us or bast us with hot fat. Don't fricassee or roast us or boil us in a vat, and please don't stick thy servant Lord in a Rotissomat.
@MintBullet That's not what I'm really praying for. People enjoy confusing God for Satan. Sure is easy to blame God for evil things, but they don't give him credit when something good happens.
@takineko My theory is that Satan is still God's top one servant and that seeing as people ignored God when he preached about paradise he decided to get pragmatic and say: you have a choice between my boring gay angels playing lute... and ETERNAL TORTURE!
So Satan is just on a mission for God to scare ppl, is all.
@MintBullet There isn't etnernal torture. That is a pagan belief that got mixed with Christianity. You should actually study the Bible for yourself if you were really interested. God isn't interested in scarring people.
@MintBullet facebook? I'm not trying to fight with you or whatever, I understand people see things differently and it takes dedication and time to learn things about another religion. It does make me kinda sad that everyone thinks of Christians as being mean, dumb and or hypocrites though :/ I try to be respectful and understanding.
@takineko Most people who think Christians are mean, dumb, and hyporcrites are not people of "other religions" who haven't dedicated the time to learn about Christians. They are people who've done the opposite. Familiarity breeds contempt.
@comodocomodos I understand that. There are lots of people out there who grew up in churches and were either treated poorly, or just plain didn't get any questions answered properly, or felt forced to believe in what the church believed.
@takineko And Churches are made up by people. There are egos, power plays, backstabbing, everything that goes on in any organization made up of people. I think what makes it worse is that there are people who feel they have the absolute truth and the final word on everything.
@comodocomodos yep, there is sin everywhere, churches are no exception. In fact they are attacked with temptation more often than others it seems. I'm glad other people are not my example, but Jesus is. I have to learn to forgive them and help them just as anyone else I encounter in the world, and they will hopefully forgive me for my faults too. We're no better or worse than eachother, everyone has sinned and come short fo the glory of God.
@takineko Jesus shouldn't be your example. You shouldn't turn the tables over in the Temple, you shouldn't commit crimes against the state, or get yourself killed. And in any case, I don't think you've turned your back on your family, like Jesus did. And I don't think you should wander around with a bunch of men preaching. You should live a normal, healthy life, which Jesus did not. There is nothing more unhealthy than getting yourself executed. "Jesus is my example" is one of the hypocrisies.
@comodocomodos I would turn the tables over in the temple if it was the only way to get the attention of everyone in the room and point out why it was wrong. If the state law is in opposition to God's law I would rather follow God than man. If any man loves his family more than God he is not worthy of God. Don't follow men, including preachers, follow God. Jesus asked us to take up our crosses and follow Him, it may not be what this world thinks is normal, but it leads to real happiness.
@takineko Just out of curiosity, where does Jesus say to take up crosses? And since we are not supposed to follow men, but only follow God, why should we follow the men who wrote the Gospels where I presume you got this idea Jesus wants us to "take up our crosses." Jesus didn't write anything down and neither did God. So how do we know what either of them want? We would have to follow some men and preachers in the end, wouldn't we?
@comodocomodos bible.cc/matthew/16-24. htm God did many things to prove that his prophets were true ones, not false ones. Miracles, prophecies. You can tell which are which by how they coincide with others which have already been proven. Jesus followed the scriptures which in His time were all old testiment.
@comodocomodos He has given humans work to do, part of that is prophets, some are preachers, etc. We don't follow the person we follow the mesage God has given through them, or to them. But He makes sure that we can tell which is which. You have to study for yourself.
@takineko You say He makes sure we can tell which is which but why then are there so many different kinds of Christian? Are the Unitarians getting the right message and does that mean the Trinitarians are getting the wrong one? How about the Mormons? The Adventists? The Catholics? So many messages and all of the followers of those messages say they are following the right one. The Catholics say they are the true church which means the others are mistaken. How do we know they're right or wrong?
@comodocomodos It is true that some people may have some of the truth but not all of it, others follow what men tell them and dont study the Bible for themselves. Also satan does do his best to cause confusion and create false religions-- [please don't take that to mean everyone is going to hell or is stupid or evil or something] The Bible holds all the keys to unlocking the truth. It shows the call signs of a real prophet and a fake one, it even has the keys to read Revelation in it.
@takineko People who study the Bible for themselves are studying a human created artifact. I see it as a contradiction to say you should not follow people and at the same time say that the Bible holds the key to unlocking the truth. The Bible was authored by people. It is not difficult to demonstrate that a perfect God could not have authored or inspired a Bible which has many had many editors, contradictory facts, and falsehoods about the nature world that even third graders can notice today.
@comodocomodos I see nothing wrong with martyrdom. Though there's no point in going out of your way to get killed or something. You should rather die than sin, but its not as though that alternative happens all the time. Many Christians were killed in the dark ages, I believe in what they stood for, they didn't do anything wrong by choosing simply to obey God and being killed for it because men didn't like it.
@comodocomodos Everytime Jesus forgave someone he told them to sin no more. We should hate sin and abstain from it. Many Christians were killed throughout history because they refused to do a sin for any reason. Yes we are weak and sometimes slip up but we should not knowingly sin just to take advantage of God's forgiveness. We're not really sorry if we do that.
@takineko We should hate sin but we can't avoid it, can we? 'We are all sinners' is one of the basic premises of Christianity. If not, then what the heck did Jesus die for? And those who did rather die than sin ended up doing both, no? I agree that to cheat at tennis knowing that twenty 'Hail Mary's (or whatever ritual you engage in) is going to fix it later is disingenuous.
By the way, you say 'Jesus said.' You should say X says that Jesus said. In a courtroom, this 'testimony' is hearsay.
@comodocomodos With God's power, He can help us to not sin. We have to have faith in Him. Yeah it makes sense we're still going to be weak in faith and mess up from time to time, and we should repent from our heart when that happens, but not be crushed by guilt over our weakness.
I believe what the prophets said that Jesus said was correct. I believe they were true prophets, and it's ok to quote from them.
@takineko The problem is that you have no idea if you are quoting them. In the time your "true prophets" lived , they didn't have the technology we have today. Things were (mis)copied by hand resulting in many versions and what survived depended not on accuracy but WHO was in power.. The same thing with the Muslims. Nobody has any idea what Muhammed really said. All we have is the surviving copies of what people claim he said--written down decades after his death. And theirs is more recent.
@MintBullet For some reason your replies to me don't show up in my inbox area. Weird.
Anyway, I dissagree with your belief, not surprisingly. Interesting it sounds like you kinda made it up off the top of your head, but you have free will to choose what you want to believe. I hope you don't dissmiss the beliefs of others quickly though.
Everyone who is reading this comment, please click on my username for my videos I made about the The Truth of the World. I have found out what the truth of life is, the truth of the world, and the truth of God. Please, I really want people to watch and listen what I have to say. No more living in false reality, no more living in illusions, no more thinking there is no way out......its time to lead your life into The Truth of the World!!!!!!!!!
And spoteth twice they the camels before the third hour, and so the minionites went fourth to ram gilliad in cadesh bilgameth by shore ethber regallion to the house of gash bill bethuel basda, he who brought the butterdish to balshatter, and the tentpeg to the house of rashamon and there slew the goats YAY.... and then placed the bits, in little pots.
@nspaceuk "The lesson" - LOL! I love it. I vividly remember reading the Bible as a teenager and being told that every page was a lesson. WTF? Most of it is just stories, and particularly crap ones too. Mind you, the book of Revelations was a laugh. Was John the Baptist on LSD?
Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell you.
metallicagods 3 days ago
Jenkins took that bit of bad news quite well. Bravo good chap!
Dolgo1 2 weeks ago
"History plagiarises Monty Python" - John Cleese
ScienceWars 1 month ago 2
They're THE MASTERS. And that's that!
MrCrazypython 1 month ago
I went to a school much like that. It was old-fashioned, even for 1967, something really out of the 20's.
ZoeBrain 1 month ago
Lol - "we remember all those who died trying to keep China British!"
jazzx251 2 months ago
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I would go to church if Michael Palin was the vicar too, and I'm a Moron uh, er, Mormon!
eluap 2 months ago
start the church of chuck norris
jkw1234321 2 months ago
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All you need to know about the meaning of life on our planet, is well said in the video of this user 777ALAJE
ururuty 2 months ago
I think of this hymn whenever I see a "pray for japan" badge.
ChubbyBupkiss 3 months ago
Comment removed
Miranda9VM 3 months ago
Clivepom 4 months ago 7
@Clivepom The Lord spares you.
martymusatov 4 months ago
I truly believe this is one of Python's most perfect sketches: The 'lesson', rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant, poor Jenkins and then the hymn.
I have never not laughed out loud at this sketch, it's the type of satire+absurdity which makes Life of Brian my favourite film.
hippyfriend 4 months ago
@hippyfriend I completely agree. I personally feel that the ridiculous bible reading nonesense is just as bad as when the bible was read in our actual school assemblies. It's a great parody of that. Perfect. "From now on, the Cormorant is strictly OUT, OF BOUNDS!"
SpeaksIt 4 months ago
@SpeaksIt
SpeaksIt 4 months ago
I just simply gonna say: Monty Python, oh Monty Python...
jonquillez 5 months ago
For a superbly witty, good humoured look at the meaning of life try ' The reason driven life' by top author Robert M Price. Also authors John W. Loftus, Dan Barker, Valerie Tarico, Victor J. Stenger on youtube
zytigon 5 months ago
Some of the best satire I've ever seen.
AnotherNerdOnline 5 months ago
ahhhh did anyone see one half of the weasley twins ??
TheMerrenna 5 months ago
I've never been to church but my friends tell me it's only slightly less ridiculous as this.
Truth118 6 months ago
@Truth118 I went to a chruch of england school, where we had to go to church sometimes instead of learning on "sacred days". It is exactly like this
RYCloud92 4 months ago
and there slew they the goats, yay....and place they the bits....in little pots.
570y3n 7 months ago
He just reminds me of the headteacher in Clockwise in this! LOL!
fraserkatie 7 months ago
'by the town of sudbury and people from the sudbury area'!!
Im from sudbury!!
jecka1982 7 months ago
my school was just like that. Chapel every morning, ugh
jesslyra 8 months ago
Recently I was watching the british royal wedding on tv, and when the anglican bishop conducting the ceremony said "Let us pray" all that came before my eyes was Michael Palin going "Oh Lord, ooo you are so big!" Kinda ruined the solemnity of the whole occasion for me. Monty Python has ruined so much in my life and I'm utterly grateful to them for doing so.
mateuszmattias 8 months ago 13
thats not funny i dont find this part funny
MegaVergan 9 months ago
@MegaVergan we are so sorry
gietek 7 months ago
@gietek Why?
MegaVergan 7 months ago
@MegaVergan Thanks for the update, man. You keep us posted on which videos you don't find funny.
NickeyWhitfield 6 months ago
@NickeyWhitfield You're Welcome!
MegaVergan 6 months ago
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According to 1.6bn Muslims [25% of world's population]. The purpose of life is simple: #1. acknowledge Allah your Creator, and acknowledge His Oneness, and then single Him out for all worship and servitude, living your life in complete submission to His Will, as defined by Him in His Books, the last being the Quran, and by the teachings of His chosen prophets, the last being Muhammad (peace be upon him). - doing this to seek His pleasure, forgiveness and mercy. Hope its clear to all. Thanks
robin4good 9 months ago
haha! its really hillarious, that they see God as an all mighty cheff, who can cook you whenever, and in any way he want's XD
JezzlyJames 9 months ago
This was actually taken from the little-known the gospel of Policarp 2nd edition. Its not in the bible so most people havent read it and it wasnt in the bible because it was actually written as a joke several years after the death of John the Disciple after heavy drinking in a pub in the upper-west side of modern day Izmir....yes. Thats all true, except for the lies.
Also, enough with the atheists trying to draw parallels between this and actually bibilical books, you're failing miserably.
GermanConquistador08 10 months ago 3
I've never read the bible but I hear that the Old Testament (pre-Jesus) was that in a nutshell
mbe God has multi-personality disorder :P
Emrald70 10 months ago
Is it LotR names he is using at the beginning?
MaricaAmbrosius 10 months ago
oh lord you are soo big!!! LMAOO dont simmer us in a stock CLASSIC!! this is exactly how the church hyms soud like in real life it all comes down to us fear ing god and praising him by calling him great and powerful
love monty python and im a girl LOL
giulio123 10 months ago 3
2:10 my school assemblies are so like this. But they're serious. And I go to an all-girls school.
ClockworkComputer 11 months ago
And then the teacher tells the boy about the death of his mother totally without compassion and care, as he feels it's just an unimportant event that the lord has made to happen and that's how it is.
In reality there is no god and the death of a loved one is very tragic, especially for children!
And as the ancient Epicurus has said(in a nutshell): There is no god, because the world would have to be perfect if he would exist!!
Samoplant 11 months ago
@Samoplant No actualy but im not going to bother arguing about it
alyalyaly123xd 4 months ago
Then the 'teacher' tells some bullshit about the cormorant and the prank a few boys did and it's obvious the cormorant has absolutely no role at all!
And then the preachers song shows, what horrible things this lord would do to us, if he would exist, as he would petty much roast us everyday, if he would exist, as everyone can notice, if you look at how life is!!
Samoplant 11 months ago
A perfect scene indeed!! First it illustrates the crap from the Bible that does not really tell anything usefull or good!!
Then the priest and his prayer illustrates perfectly the ridiculousnesss of the obsessive and crazy and meek worship, where the human being is this worthless crap and the lord(if it would exist-I am an atheist) is everything and the human being is just a crapy toad!
Samoplant 11 months ago
That's what it was like.
carltonpowers 11 months ago
I also remember going to school and getting this sort of prayer service going on. Worship is such an interesting concept. Prostrating yourself with set out words of thanks, and more significantly, servitude.
But this scene is brilliant. It really is dead on the money, exaggerating everything just enough to identify perfectly the ridiculousness of church worship. Subtle enough to make you realise those parts that are actually just this, but in different, pre-ordained wording.
Fuck it's weird.haha
GeorgeCassells 1 year ago 2
I wonder why real churches can't be like this one - seriously. The prayer is much more personal and comprehensible, witty, yet without blasphemy. Most adorable thing.
alinemerrow 1 year ago
I went to a school like this and can see exactly where Python were coming from.The whole worship 'script' seemed like such a sycophantic, demeaning prostration. it was embarrassing. 'Oh Lord, oooh you are so big' just sums it up perfectly.
ploughat 1 year ago 2
those poor citizens of sudbury that gave their lives to keep china british! Mwaa!
Jufe616 1 year ago 2
Can god create a stone so heavy that He Himself cannot lift it?
guaranic 1 year ago
@guaranic yes.
MrLOLOL98 1 year ago
@MrLOLOL98 then he can't lift it, and is not omnipotent
guaranic 1 year ago 3
@guaranic then.....no
MrLOLOL98 11 months ago
@MrLOLOL98 "then he can't lift it, and is not omnipotent" like I said in the other comment
guaranic 11 months ago
@MrLOLOL98 Good answer! You clearly looked at it for a while.
JumpStartation 1 year ago
Leave it to the British to make fun of religion in a way that Americans wouldn't dare to in fear of incurring God's wrath. This is brilliant stuff. I miss the Pythons. Bless you, Graham Chapman - RIP.
9firefly9 1 year ago
I would start going to church if Micheal Palin was the vicar, and I'm an atheist!
neil73 1 year ago 97
@neil73 I would too and I'm also an atheist!
comodocomodos 1 year ago 27
@comodocomodos
I would too! And I'm a Catholic!.....
Incognito1986 11 months ago
@neil73 I would go to church if Michael Palin was the vicar too, and I'm christian!
TheMagicRat933 3 months ago 5
This is why so many fall asleep in church! Knowing that it is a jealous and vengeful deity, one must show the utmost respect and obedience, otherwise you may have your eyes seared out. Don't forget it loves the smell of burning flesh, so don't be offering vegetables.
romeoechomike369 1 year ago
A: Religous arguements on monty python vids get old
B: God is the most in secure person ever, if he does in fact exsist.
hiimgod801 1 year ago
Fantastic. Reminds me of my old boys school and the crap we had to take.
Taff1967SC 1 year ago
By Sudbury, did he mean Sudbury, Ontario?
GlobalPeregrinations 1 year ago
@GlobalPeregrinations it's british
ninjawhale03 1 year ago
@GlobalPeregrinations Hell no.
djduchesse 1 year ago
@GlobalPeregrinations
No. It's in South-East England.
jazzx251 1 year ago
I lol'd. Religifags at it again.
B29Bomber 1 year ago
LOL FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY
ProQL 1 year ago
oh, and jenkins, apparently your mother died this morning *sad eyes**bites lip*
mockingrue 1 year ago
A very funny and fitting parody of just how nonsensical the Bible is. It's great that the Monty Python crew point out how stupid it is to praise God, as if an Omnipotent being has such a big ego that he actually likes all this buttering up and begging.
daydreamblighter 1 year ago
so gallantly gave their lives to keep china british....major belly laugh.. superb.
imnotthemessiah 1 year ago
Oh, and Jenkins, apparently your mother died this morning.
Just a small little detail.
Larrylarp 1 year ago 44
@Larrylarp
LOL. Yeah, just a small administration issue. Nothing to be concerned about. :-D
Incognito1986 11 months ago
"oh you are so big, so absolutely huge. gosh, we're all really impressed down here."
^^that's what she&her friends said.
equilibrium0994 1 year ago 2
Why did you stop at sex education???
HudDog418 1 year ago 8
@HudDog418 For legal reasons.
comodocomodos 1 year ago 23
@comodocomodos: Well, it is a pretty funny book, in the right light. Kind of a mix between horror, comedy and some kind of SM-fetish thing....
Particulary the Laws and the last bit with the mad guy, some peyote and 7-winged angels.
Sammathnar 1 year ago
oh, apparently your mother died this morning... lol
howardthemelvin09 1 year ago
I find it interesting that Christians here have told me that I can find faith in God through Bible study. Most Christians DO NOT become Christians through the Bible. Even people who were not indoctrinated by their parents into Christianity or aren't "default" Christians only study the Bible AFTER a conversion experience.
In fact, although I do it everyday, I don't see why most people would ever want to read the Bible if they didn't believe in the first place!
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos: Well, it is a pretty funny book, in the right light. Kind of a mix between horror, comedy and some kind of SM-fetish thing....
Particulary the Laws and the last bit with the mad guy, some peyote and 7-winged angels.
Sammathnar 1 year ago
@comodocomodos, though I highly respect your opinion, for it looks like you thought it through, I can't help but to urge you to look at Christianity and religions in general from a different point of view. I see from your strong atheistic view there is no conversion in your near future, however a closer study of the Bible may cause a change of heart. God Bless
CJMTstudios 1 year ago
@CJMTstudios I don't have strong atheistic views and am not married to it. I used to be a communist but when I saw through evidence that communism made claims that could not be backed up with facts and that the claims capitalists made were more tenable, I abandoned my beliefs in communism. If I see theistic arguments that are stronger than the skeptic ones I will do the same. I study the Bible and the more I study it the more I believe God is fictional and the Bible a set of fables and no more.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos i am by no means "religious"; i merely believe religion is a set of codes on how to live your life (and therefore trust it as much as i do a loaded gun). but i see the bible as a set of fables that are SUPPOSED to be fables, not fact, and are supposed to teach a lesson rather than be true stories. just throwing that out there, seeing if it sticks. oh, love Monty, too.
howardthemelvin09 1 year ago
@howardthemelvin09
" i see the bible as a set of fables that are SUPPOSED to be fables"
Me too. The talking snake at the beginning is a dead giveaway. Whenever you have talking animals, you're dealing with a fable that's supposed to be a fable.
"...religion is a set of codes on how to live your life"
It's often a set of MY codes on how to live YOUR life.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos @comodocomodos i am by no means "religious"; i merely believe religion is a set of codes on how to live your life (and therefore trust it as much as i do a loaded gun). but i see the bible as a set of fables that are SUPPOSED to be fables, not fact, and are supposed to teach a lesson rather than be true stories. just throwing that out there, seeing if it sticks. oh, love Monty, too.
howardthemelvin09 1 year ago
o jesus christ take a joke
erkheth 1 year ago
@takineko "God allows for lots of things because humans can be really hard hearted. "
How do you know what God allows and what he doesn't allow?
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos Yes, I read it in the Bible. But also, if you're still questioning the prophets you should study their prophecies and see if they came true for yourself.
God repremanded his people, and his prophets even as he allowed for them to do things that were not His vision for them.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko Don't believe in prophecies, magic, gods, devils. witches, leprechauns, or ghosts (holy or otherwise). But I do believe that if you make a claim, it's up to you to show it's true. Nobody has ever been able to convince me—and I have never been able to convince myself—that the Bible ain't a work of fiction. There is a talking donkey in the Bible (Numbers 22) and when the story has a TALKING DONKEY, you're dealing with fiction. SHREK has a talking donkey! Shouldn't that hint be enough?
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos Not everyone can be convinced either. Sometimes God will show you something and you'll be too ready to dissmiss it, but later on in life, He might catch you in a different state/frame of mind and you might listen. [that's the general "you" not trying to sound disrespectful] I don't think anything is impossible for an omnipotant God who created everything in existance. Jesus even said the rocks would cry out if the people did not.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko I don't know if you have children but everyone that does has moments when they reassure the little ones that scary supernatural creatures like vampires and werewolves aren't real, that they're make-believe, and that there is no need to fear them. I suppose that there is an extraordinarily small chance that there IS a monster under little Timmy's bed but I would bet my life that there isn't one. It, God, the Devil, and their cousin the "Boogey Man" are products of the human mind only.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@takineko "He also allowed for divorce though He actually states it's adultery to divorce."
You don't see a contradiction between the first statement and the second one? You really don't?
comodocomodos 1 year ago
If Palin was the priest, and prayers were this funny, I might've actually gone to the church for a change.
rowiian 1 year ago
@rowiian I don't know. When I was a kid, I always got a kick out of it when my priest say "Let a snot be led into temptation." I don't know why he was talking about mucus but it was funny as all hell. I guess when you get older "bugger" jokes aren't that funny anymore.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos
It took a whole for me to get it.... LOL! XD
rowiian 1 year ago
@comodocomodos [count] Many things can go wrong in this world, many people can try to destroy all that God attempts to do, and maybe there are some things missing or rough translations but the message is still there, and you CAN figure it out when you read it with an open heart and pray for answers and understanding.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko
Occasionally I see a bumper sticker that reads: "God said it, I believe it, and that settles it." My response is always, What if God didn't say it? What if they book you take as giving you god's words instead contains human words? What if the Bible doesn't give a foolproof answer to the questions of the modern age - abortion, women's rights, gay rights, religious supremacy, Western-style democracy, and the like? --Bart Ehrman (Misquoting Jesus)
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos When you study the Bible you find proof that the prophets aren't making things up when comparing them to eachother, and to history. The biggest proof is that God is very personal, and when you open yourself up to Him and ask Him to show you what you can believe he reveals himself to you in a very real way-- so that you have no doubt. You might even experience something miraculous but its just for you, between the two of you. [count]
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko Absolutely correct ... there was no doubt when he revealed himself to me.
Vydio 1 year ago
@Vydio
That says nothing about the veracity of your claim. Millions of people have no doubt that God doesn't exist. Does that mean he doesn't?
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos [count] when it comes to modern issues Bible study clarifies what is right and wrong pretty easily. It might not use the word abortion, but when it comes to children it is expressed over and over that it is a gift from God. It is also said our bodies do not belong to us, they belong to God. If you have faith, God will help you to take care of that child, or find someone who can. Gay rights can seem tricky [count]
takineko 1 year ago
@comodocomodos [count] because if being gay is a sin does that mean we take away people's right to do what they want? There are tons of other sins out there we allow other people to do knowing that its a sin. I personally dont vote on the matter, if people want to be gay what am I going to do? Yell at them about it? I can show them the Bible, but only if they want to listen to it, shoving it down their throat does nothing. My gay friend Stephen is the only friend who loves the bible and [count]
takineko 1 year ago
@comodocomodos [count] and my friend stephen believes homosexuality is wrong. I never once pushed that on him. I've never had that weakness so I don't know how hard it is to hear that God wants to help you not be gay or anything like that-- how hard that has to be to accept. I have no idea. Anyway, relgious supremacy? You will have to elaborate on that. Various styles of government dont matter much, so long as the laws dont contradict God and force sin on people.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko There is one question you haven't answered: "How do we know that what God wants is in the Bible?" You might find that the fact that God is personal either in your Bible or in your life as "proof" but to me you might as well present a taco as proof.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos As I meant to say, it is a very personal journey to find out what is true and what is not, and who is God. You do have to pray about it, you do have to read, study things, everything, anything but you have to pray that God show himself to you, and help you to understand and find the truth. You have to really open your heart to the possibilities and accept that some truth might be hard to hear, might not be what you want-- but it can be proven.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko " You do have to pray about it, you do have to read, study things, everything, anything but you have to pray that God show himself to you, and help you to understand and find the truth."
We does your God make it so hard? For a God who wants me to worship Him, he sure is playing hard to get! I also find your assertion that "it can be proven" strange. If it can be proven, why do they call it faith?
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos I'm having troube keeping up with all the coments, they dont all seem show up in my inbox, in response to your comparison of God and satan to "the boogy man" and make believe, I dissagree, obviously. Besides, I have nothing to fear of satan if I have faith in God.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko
You say you don't have to fear Satan if you have faith in God. I agree with you. You have to fear GOD if you have faith in God and it would seem to me that since He is so much more powerful and is destined to win in the end--at least in your believe system--that's a lot more scary than fearing Satan. To come full circle, that's why MP's "Oh, Lord Please Don't Burn Us" is addressed to the Notorious G.O.D. He's the big cheese; the HNIC. The buck stops with Him. He calls all the shots.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos You don't have to fear God, [if you're refering to the text in the Bible that says fear God, it's translated from a word that means "revere"] What God wants is for us to genuinely love Him-- you don't cower in fear of those you love. He wants us to have peace in our hearts that we're close to Him. His victory on the last day of our history is ours too, and we get to go home with Him where there is no more sin or weakness to sin.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko "You don't have to fear God..." I fear those who believe in gods. In an ideal world, good people do good things and bad people do bad things. In our world, religion pushes good people to do bad things. Gods cause people to crash planes into buildings and all of the other horrible things believers do. But if you want to see proof that the God of the Bible wants you to fear him NOT LOVE HIM it won't take you that long.
comodocomodos 1 year ago 2
@comodocomodos People are going to do bad things regardless of religion. It is human nature. God is not out to kill people in plane crashes, Satan is the one who wants you dead by whatever means. Strange how you can blame God and claim not to believe in Him. When you pray for faith and understanding and witness miracles in your own life, you realize who God really is is not who Satan wants you to believe He is.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko What makes YHWH more real than Ranginui? What makes your "God the Father" more real than the Romans' Jupiter (which means "Jove the Father") ? How about Horus? The Ancient Egyptians thought he was as real as you believe YHWH is. They had prophets, prophecies, and miracle claims too. What makes your claims any more valid? And what about Joseph Smith? He was a prophet according to the Mormons; they have a holy book too. And divine revelations. Should we all join the LDS church?
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos He will prove Himself to you personally. I can go on and on about this Bible study, and that history study and why I believe what I believe, and so could all of those who believe other things. You need to diligently, and sincerily search for the truth yourself and I promise He will reveal the truth to you. All I can do is point you to some Bible studies if you are interested in looking into it. It is between you an Him. He is not pushy or a show off. Not forceful.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko "He is not pushy or a show off. Not forceful."
The God of the Hebrew Bible is all of those things. I would call what he did to the entire Egyptian nation rather "forceful" in Exodus 11;16. And he sure is a "show off" as far as the Egyptian are concerned in Exodus 9;16.
And pushy? He would put a used car salesman to shame.
Even if I find faith in God or find out that the real God is that one in the Bible I won't worship him. He's morally repugnant. It's immoral to worship that God.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
@comodocomodos When He's given fair warning He's going to do something, and other's try to go against Him, there are going to be reprocussions. I don't see any showing off there. God shows His power so that others might believe. He doesn't always show it when people disobey, He also shows it to help those who love Him to grow in their faith.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko
You want to know why the Pharaoh went against God? God hardened his heart! Over and over again. (Exodus 4;21, 7;3, 9;12, 10;1, 10;20, 10;27, 11;10, 14;4, & 14;8, ) Now why would he do THAT? The Bible says so that the Egyptians resist and he can open up a can of whipass on them.
The real reason is that if the Pharaoh lets the Israelites go in the beginning there are no neat parlour tricks like the cane that turns into a snake etc. It's fiction.
comodocomodos 1 year ago 3
@takineko "God shows His power so that others might believe."
The Israelite god of Exodus isn't interested in having the Egyptians believe in him. He just wants to show off his power. That's why he kills their babies and destroys their crops. He's trying to impress them. You would think creating the Universe would be enough. But this story predates Genesis so God hadn't created the world yet. Timing is everything.
comodocomodos 1 year ago 13
@comodocomodos when i read that at first it sounded like a BS superchristian response to something, then i kept going and i laffed and said "thats awesome" i give ur comment 2 and a half thumbs up :D
Boom1chaching 1 year ago
@takineko
There will be a great cry throughout the whole land of Egypt, such as there has never been, nor ever will be again. (Exodus 11;6)
Forceful enough?
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@takineko
YHWH said to Moses: “Get up early in the morning, stand before Pharaoh, and tell him: ‘Thus says YHWH, the ELHM of the Hebrews: “Release my people so that they may serve me! ...by now I could have stretched out my hand and struck you and your people with plague, and you would have been destroyed from the earth. But for this purpose I have caused you to stand: to show you my strength, and so that my name may be declared in all the earth. (Exodus 9;13-16)
Sounds like showin off to me.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos I DON'T blame God for bad things that happen because God doesn't exist. I blame—like I've already said—people who believe in God(s) and those who worship humans (like Hitler, Stalin, Kim, or Mao) who are just as bad. I don't blame Satan either because he's just as imaginary. I don't pray because I don't believe in anything supernatural to pray TO. You're obviously a very intelligent and talented person but you've said nothing to convince me that God (or Satan) is not imaginary.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos [count] He can lead you to the proof you need.
takineko 1 year ago
@comodocomodos [count] The best proof are the prophecies. Sadly few people realize that the Bible itself holds the keys to decoding them. You don't make up your own interpretation, or go to some one else, the Bible will flat out tell you what the symbolic meanings are. And they were written many years before the events took place.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko I've read the Bible in its entirety several times. What it tells me is that it was written by a diverse group of people over hundreds and hundreds of years with different ideas and different attitudes about God, love, life, justice, and the human condition. And THAT can be proven.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos True. You can read the Bible and still not see that it could be true. Like I said it's a personal thing between you and God and you really do have to open yourself up to see things you may never have noticed several times while reading it. Always something new to learn. It was written very long ago by very different people, also true. God can use anyone even the worst sinner - and change them. They still retain an original personality, they're not robots [count]
takineko 1 year ago
@comodocomodos [count] God does allow for us to have differences of opinion, in fact some times the diciples bickered over who should go with who to spread the gospel because they could see each other's weaknesses, etc. God didn't pop out of the clouds and tell them specifically how they should deal with every little difference of opinion on things. And he does allow for certain cultural differences to govern different choices [count]
takineko 1 year ago
@comodocomodos [count] For example, in 1st Corinthians Paul states that the Holy Spirit did not ask him to say the following, but that it allowed for him to-- and then he went on to say that women should not talk in the Temple. That was a cultural thing that God allowed men to do-- which is often because the hardness of the hearts of people wants something like that and there would be a fight over it.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko "... and then he went on to say that women should not talk in the Temple. That was a cultural thing that God allowed men to do"
Now, what's more likely:
a) God allowed men to prohibit women from speaking in the temple
or
b) Men wanted to take control of the Church and said God allowed men to do so?
To me, it seems more likely that that men wrote that in order to maintain control. And I have seen evidence that this is the case. I can present it if you want.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos [count] In order to not offend others. There was a huge argument in the early church wether gentiles who become Christian should get circumsized. In the end they said, look this is just an outward thing in the flesh that doesnt matter but we should do it just to put at ease the Jewish people who really don't think it's right not to be circumsized. Because people are so wrapped up in how they think things should be, God sometimes allows traditions and cultural things like this.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko Again, isn't it more likely that the early Christians who were eager to convert Greco-Romans who in turn were, literally, very much attached to their foreskins said God says it's okay if you don't circumcise boys or that God really said it was okay. By the way, that covenant was with the children of Abraham. When Christians decided it was okay to keep their foreskins they were essentially saying that it was okay NOT to keep the covenant. Which is no skin off their you know whatiznames.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos They were very particular about copying the scriptures. Each word was written, checked, double checked by more than one person before going on to the next. Secondly, God knew people would have power over the Bible and so some things were written prophetically because they talked out against those who would have the power to destroy it. [Revalation and Daniel] --[count]
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko The first Christians were very BAD at copying scriptures and some of the earliest Christian writings we have about the Gospels are of the first church fathers COMPLAINING that the copies were so bad that they felt some of the copyists were corrupt, drunk, barely literate, or all of the above. Most of Paul's letters were not even written by Paul. The God most Christians describe as perfect and all knowing had a HORRIBLE way of getting his alleged message across.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
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ClawdOfPixies 1 year ago
The song at the end sounds like it should be directed at Satan.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko
Does Satan answer prayers?
comodocomodos 1 year ago 2
@comodocomodos More then god does I think
XaVe182 1 year ago
@takineko nope, that sounds like prayers to god alright...they are explaining to christians what they really are praying for
MintBullet 1 year ago
@MintBullet That's not what I'm really praying for. People enjoy confusing God for Satan. Sure is easy to blame God for evil things, but they don't give him credit when something good happens.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko My theory is that Satan is still God's top one servant and that seeing as people ignored God when he preached about paradise he decided to get pragmatic and say: you have a choice between my boring gay angels playing lute... and ETERNAL TORTURE!
So Satan is just on a mission for God to scare ppl, is all.
MintBullet 1 year ago
@MintBullet There isn't etnernal torture. That is a pagan belief that got mixed with Christianity. You should actually study the Bible for yourself if you were really interested. God isn't interested in scarring people.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko Well whatever, I don't intend to have this debate over facebook :p
So forget I said anything.
MintBullet 1 year ago
@MintBullet facebook? I'm not trying to fight with you or whatever, I understand people see things differently and it takes dedication and time to learn things about another religion. It does make me kinda sad that everyone thinks of Christians as being mean, dumb and or hypocrites though :/ I try to be respectful and understanding.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko Most people who think Christians are mean, dumb, and hyporcrites are not people of "other religions" who haven't dedicated the time to learn about Christians. They are people who've done the opposite. Familiarity breeds contempt.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos I understand that. There are lots of people out there who grew up in churches and were either treated poorly, or just plain didn't get any questions answered properly, or felt forced to believe in what the church believed.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko And Churches are made up by people. There are egos, power plays, backstabbing, everything that goes on in any organization made up of people. I think what makes it worse is that there are people who feel they have the absolute truth and the final word on everything.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos yep, there is sin everywhere, churches are no exception. In fact they are attacked with temptation more often than others it seems. I'm glad other people are not my example, but Jesus is. I have to learn to forgive them and help them just as anyone else I encounter in the world, and they will hopefully forgive me for my faults too. We're no better or worse than eachother, everyone has sinned and come short fo the glory of God.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko Jesus shouldn't be your example. You shouldn't turn the tables over in the Temple, you shouldn't commit crimes against the state, or get yourself killed. And in any case, I don't think you've turned your back on your family, like Jesus did. And I don't think you should wander around with a bunch of men preaching. You should live a normal, healthy life, which Jesus did not. There is nothing more unhealthy than getting yourself executed. "Jesus is my example" is one of the hypocrisies.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos I would turn the tables over in the temple if it was the only way to get the attention of everyone in the room and point out why it was wrong. If the state law is in opposition to God's law I would rather follow God than man. If any man loves his family more than God he is not worthy of God. Don't follow men, including preachers, follow God. Jesus asked us to take up our crosses and follow Him, it may not be what this world thinks is normal, but it leads to real happiness.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko Just out of curiosity, where does Jesus say to take up crosses? And since we are not supposed to follow men, but only follow God, why should we follow the men who wrote the Gospels where I presume you got this idea Jesus wants us to "take up our crosses." Jesus didn't write anything down and neither did God. So how do we know what either of them want? We would have to follow some men and preachers in the end, wouldn't we?
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos bible.cc/matthew/16-24. htm God did many things to prove that his prophets were true ones, not false ones. Miracles, prophecies. You can tell which are which by how they coincide with others which have already been proven. Jesus followed the scriptures which in His time were all old testiment.
takineko 1 year ago
@comodocomodos He has given humans work to do, part of that is prophets, some are preachers, etc. We don't follow the person we follow the mesage God has given through them, or to them. But He makes sure that we can tell which is which. You have to study for yourself.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko You say He makes sure we can tell which is which but why then are there so many different kinds of Christian? Are the Unitarians getting the right message and does that mean the Trinitarians are getting the wrong one? How about the Mormons? The Adventists? The Catholics? So many messages and all of the followers of those messages say they are following the right one. The Catholics say they are the true church which means the others are mistaken. How do we know they're right or wrong?
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos It is true that some people may have some of the truth but not all of it, others follow what men tell them and dont study the Bible for themselves. Also satan does do his best to cause confusion and create false religions-- [please don't take that to mean everyone is going to hell or is stupid or evil or something] The Bible holds all the keys to unlocking the truth. It shows the call signs of a real prophet and a fake one, it even has the keys to read Revelation in it.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko People who study the Bible for themselves are studying a human created artifact. I see it as a contradiction to say you should not follow people and at the same time say that the Bible holds the key to unlocking the truth. The Bible was authored by people. It is not difficult to demonstrate that a perfect God could not have authored or inspired a Bible which has many had many editors, contradictory facts, and falsehoods about the nature world that even third graders can notice today.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos I see nothing wrong with martyrdom. Though there's no point in going out of your way to get killed or something. You should rather die than sin, but its not as though that alternative happens all the time. Many Christians were killed in the dark ages, I believe in what they stood for, they didn't do anything wrong by choosing simply to obey God and being killed for it because men didn't like it.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko "You should rather die than sin" ???? Shouldn't you just rather repent and live forever through Christ? Your message is very strange to me.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos Everytime Jesus forgave someone he told them to sin no more. We should hate sin and abstain from it. Many Christians were killed throughout history because they refused to do a sin for any reason. Yes we are weak and sometimes slip up but we should not knowingly sin just to take advantage of God's forgiveness. We're not really sorry if we do that.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko We should hate sin but we can't avoid it, can we? 'We are all sinners' is one of the basic premises of Christianity. If not, then what the heck did Jesus die for? And those who did rather die than sin ended up doing both, no? I agree that to cheat at tennis knowing that twenty 'Hail Mary's (or whatever ritual you engage in) is going to fix it later is disingenuous.
By the way, you say 'Jesus said.' You should say X says that Jesus said. In a courtroom, this 'testimony' is hearsay.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@comodocomodos With God's power, He can help us to not sin. We have to have faith in Him. Yeah it makes sense we're still going to be weak in faith and mess up from time to time, and we should repent from our heart when that happens, but not be crushed by guilt over our weakness.
I believe what the prophets said that Jesus said was correct. I believe they were true prophets, and it's ok to quote from them.
takineko 1 year ago
@takineko The problem is that you have no idea if you are quoting them. In the time your "true prophets" lived , they didn't have the technology we have today. Things were (mis)copied by hand resulting in many versions and what survived depended not on accuracy but WHO was in power.. The same thing with the Muslims. Nobody has any idea what Muhammed really said. All we have is the surviving copies of what people claim he said--written down decades after his death. And theirs is more recent.
comodocomodos 1 year ago
@MintBullet For some reason your replies to me don't show up in my inbox area. Weird.
Anyway, I dissagree with your belief, not surprisingly. Interesting it sounds like you kinda made it up off the top of your head, but you have free will to choose what you want to believe. I hope you don't dissmiss the beliefs of others quickly though.
takineko 1 year ago
"Oh and Jenkins... apparently your mother died this morning". still the best
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theseeker2k5 1 year ago
Monty {ython- Used to indicate that a conversation has become absurd.
rvhsingers 1 year ago
And spoteth twice they the camels before the third hour, and so the minionites went fourth to ram gilliad in cadesh bilgameth by shore ethber regallion to the house of gash bill bethuel basda, he who brought the butterdish to balshatter, and the tentpeg to the house of rashamon and there slew the goats YAY.... and then placed the bits, in little pots.
Hier endeth the lesson"
nspaceuk 2 years ago 23
@nspaceuk "The lesson" - LOL! I love it. I vividly remember reading the Bible as a teenager and being told that every page was a lesson. WTF? Most of it is just stories, and particularly crap ones too. Mind you, the book of Revelations was a laugh. Was John the Baptist on LSD?
daydreamblighter 1 year ago 2
"And, Jenkins? Apparently, your mother died this morning."
Earthling49 2 years ago 9
"...who so gallantly gave their lives to keep China british."
wazvan 2 years ago 36
Gosh! We're really impressed down here I can tell you...
lostinidentity 2 years ago 16
thats my favourite line.
lezvarthok 2 years ago