'A Virus Walks Into a Bar...' and Other Science Jokes - Brian Malow

[BobandTrudiMovies]

Very funny and intelligent!

[1234hackysack]

weird but funny video

[slug6199]

The last one is the BEST. JOKE. EVER.

too bad no one my age knows about schrodinger's cat...

[StevXtreme]

@slug6199 You're either under 16 years old or over 100.

[blmh1959]

well i came here to make a funny science joke.....but all the good ones argon

[skoockum]

I don't get it -- what happened to the Rabbi?

[slug6199]

Is it a bad thing that I'm 14 and understand all those jokes?

[EBurwell]

René Descartes walks into a restaurant knowing exactly what he want to eat. The waitress shows him to a booth and asks him if he'd like to see a menu. Descartes says "I don't think so.", and disappears.

[p1on33r]

dunno why but he kinda reminds me of Jeff Dunham

[SamPlausible]

Why was this recommended for me?

[howardroberttrain]

...

[GingerEry]

Schrodinger's cat is a joke all on its own xD

[watcherofzideozeszz]

xD! "Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar....and doesn't" i need to show my physics teacher!

[ZachValkyrie]

A gamer walks into a bar in skyrim... and then he takes an arrow to the knee.

[NobodyMetal]

@ZachValkyrie That was probably the shittiest "too an arrow to the knee" joke I have seen since skyrims release...

[PraiseTheMetal591]

@ZachValkyrie I used to be able to tell when jokes weren't funny anymore, then I took an arrow to the knee...

[Lyorias]

It's funny - the jokes actually get progressively weaker, but the cumulative humor of the while block makes up for it an more. The Schrodinger's car one would have been awful at the start, but because it was at the end it worked.

[SamPlausible]

@Lyorias the Shrodinger's Cat was the best one

[ebilly99]

@SamPlausible Did he serve him or not?

[VonAnglesmith]

That last joke only worked because I wasn't in the bar to observe it.

[UlanBrygida]

Kto z FILMIXXÓW łapa w górę!

[XZandXGforlife]

lol at the end!!he is brilliant!

[jmbbala]

In the beginning, he used a horrible analogy. It's more like a million Skywalkers taking down the death start. Maybe even billions.

[Tonibauch]

Thanks to Dr. Dr. Sheldon Cooper, because of him i understand the last one.

[dendronkenfoetus]

A science comedian walks into a bar....

[JonathanKatzComedy]

Hi Brian - great stuff, your comedy that is.

jonathan katz

[alan27509]

Sodium Bromite, do you like these jokes??

"NaBrO!"

[SCRulerShinoda]

Musket, if you didnt get the last joke, look up schrodigers cat.

[mirygilmore]

how did i get here?

[TheMusketITuckedIt]

I didn't get the last joke, man can't believe I actually even managed to understand most of those.

[BlackJacketJones]

This guy is such a nerd.

[kevenbelangerharbour]

@BlackJacketJones And your so pathetic... isnt that a coincidence?

[BlackJacketJones]

@kevenbelangerharbour You've hurt my feelings. Ow, it hurts so bad. That insult was so piercing and true.

[kevenbelangerharbour]

@BlackJacketJones Indeed it was true. Telling someone that he is a nerd, etc. for no reason is indeed pathetic in my opinion... Haven't you been raised properly? Haven't you heard that hurting people for no reason is bad? Haven't you been told to be nice to people and think before you say or write something? Haven't you at least (in the case you're one of thse idiots religious rednecks) read the bible? If yes to the last question, havn't you heard this before: Love your neighbo as u love urself

[BlackJacketJones]

@kevenbelangerharbour You started by scorning me for calling this guy a nerd, saying that hurting people for no reason is bad, and the very next thing you do is say "in the case you're one of these idiot religious rednecks..." No, I'm not religious at all, and I have no idea why you would make that assumption, or think it was relevant to this at all, but your statements sure seem to be contradictory and not very well thought out. And calling someone a nerd is not that big of a deal. Get over it.

[sevenwinds17]

The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."

A tachyon walks into a bar.

[koisoh]

An endless amount of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer, the second half a beer, the third 1/4 etc. The bartender grins and hands the mathematicians two beers.

[gersonpagan]

Adam Sandler's dad is funnier than him!

[6Nagas6]

What did the male magnet say to the female magnet? From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. However, after seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive.

[kingpolaris]

lol

[EBurwell]

Heisenberg walks into a bar, but I can't tell you which one.

[EBurwell]

Heisenberg is at a bar, but doesn't know how he got there.

[andrewclyeoh]

A mathematician walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I want to get really, really drunk". The bartender shows him a bottle of vodka and an empty glass. The mathematician says "Aha! a solution exists!". Then he goes home.

[IUsedToBeNumberOne]

This guy is genius! I want to be him

[pmarc87]

"Hey, we don't serve faster-than-light neutrinos here!" said the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar.

[itsstillgr8]

Hahahaha,withut any resistence!

[clois95]

People like him inspire the producers of the Big Bang Theory ;)

[DonAlonzo]

Why don't we take all these science jokes and Barium.

[sampson623]

The bartender says, "We don't serve tachyons here." A tachyon walks into a bar.

[EBurwell]

Einstien's Unified Theory walks up to a hotdog vender and says:

"Make me one with everything."

[Jaxterpeace]

I understood them all, oh well he was funny.

[johnyyonehand]

That's coincidence ... or doesn't . I told the last joke my friends (i made it up in like 20 secs). One of them almost fell from his chair. Never before heard Shrodinger's cat joke :)

[KamasutraButterfly]

This is intelligent comedy at it's best!

[tokenbabe]

Schrödinger's cat. That was the best one. This guy's good!

[talhoyle]

The tachyon leaves.

The bartender says "We don't serve your kind in here.

A tachyon walks into a bar.

[Muchacholv]

He forgot the best one:

A neutron walks into a bar and asks:

- How much for a drink?

And the bartender replies:

- For you, no charge!

[hamelzz]

Got any jokes about Sodium?

Na...

[ChoskarChulian]

A scientist and an american walk into a bar, the scientist says:

"I´d sure like some HN240".

The american replies: "What the Fuck are you talking about?" and shoots the scientist in the head.

[lustaufsanwald]

manganese jokes get any worse?

[azurescens420]

@lustaufsanwald

I see what you did there

[venato75]

2:44 i didn't understood what he is saying

[xezxsniperx]

@venato75 schrodingers cat. its a psychological experiment look it up

[venato75]

@xezxsniperx thank you

i know it but my english is bad

[Ishamoridin]

@xezxsniperx 'psychological experiment'

For someone so rude, you really don't police your terminology very well.

[xezxsniperx]

@Ishamoridin i wasnt trying to be rude :/

[Ishamoridin]

@xezxsniperx Could be me misreading it then. I do have Asperger's, so it happens :P

[azurescens420]

@venato75

That's because you're a dumbass

[venato75]

@azurescens420 or i don't speak english... dumbass

[ninabyte021]

the bartender's so racist

[xSynysterTraits]

Amy Winehouse walks into a bar and the barman says:

"Sorry, we don't serve spirits."

[majikstranger]

@xSynysterTraits so wrong and so right at the same time.

[catshavesouls]

@xSynysterTraits Awesome.

[Polenar]

@xSynysterTraits

nope! just chuck testa...

[PaladinswordSaurfang]

lol, laughed at the neutrino one

[deei2]

@PaladinswordSaurfang so you then may explain it to me, I didn't understand it

[pokechao196]

@deei2 A neutrino is a really small particle that is able to pass through most types of matter with very little effect. They only discovered it due to a small effect it had on water molecules. Hence, the "just passing through".

[Kingucktoad]

Schrodinger's cat classic!

[kablamo9999]

Heisenberg is pulled over by a cop.

Cop: You know how fast you were going there?

Heisenberg: No, but I know exactly where I am.

[Incredability]

@kablamo9999 haha, thats pretty good :]

[darkfiete]

What has science done?

My car broke down the other day, so i took it to a garage.

The guy at the garage told me "Don't worry i'm a Quantum-mechanic!"

And i responded "Well then tell me: Can you fix my car or not?"

He shrugged and said:"I don't know i have to look at it"

[H0102952]

Beethoven no. 9

[romanianskill]

FACEBOOK PROFILE PAGE RAGE!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKK OOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF­FFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i see anybody with their facebook personalized i am going to cyber bully them into killing themselves... hopefully that will demonize pagerage forever...

[fakelegsrealfeet]

Why does everyone keep asking if they're a geek because they understand this? no, it means you went to high school.

[hunterlord101]

Uhh.... I like Coca Cola?

[simbakafiri]

106 people are under 21 and have never walked into a bar

[hilliuno]

schroedinger's cats walks into a bar....... and doesn't XD

[MrFeelinpogi]

@hilliuno only if no one is looking

[MuZiQnM3]

Thank God for Gr. 11 Biology class. I remember it all.

[Uhile0]

awsome, i see my refleccion in this scientist

[Randomman5634]

THE FUCK?

[soumyaaymous]

Virus : "All your cells are belong to us "

[thebestfireman]

Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says: "We don't serve noble gases" ..... Argon doesn't react!

[TeronGer]

@thebestfireman

LMAO

[bulletproofscales]

Excellent.

[instereovideos]

The best thing about this is that no one is laughing at the punchlines... they laugh when he states the joke. It's like comedy in reverse.

[ilikecheeseandvideos]

Two scientists walk into a bar

The first one says “I’ll have some H2O.” The second one says, “I’ll have some H2O too.” Then he dies.

[EgosumParduas]

@ilikecheeseandvideos absolutely brilliant

[cherylkokokrunch]

I am laughing so hard. I'm not a science fanatic, but I can understand every single joke in this. AHAHAH (Y)

[rycka1983]

last one was the best.

[OpperKoen]

hahahahhah schroedinger's cat xDxD hilarious!

[ZenoKameno]

Rene Descartes walks into a bar, he asks for a drink. Some time later after he's finished his drink the bartender asks if he would like another one, Descartes pauses for a second in thought ''I think not'' he said. A all of a sudden he disapears

[Apfelsine22]

hi everyone...what's an infrared boton (hope it's right) exactly?

[007rosin]

@Apfelsine22

Infrared photon.

wikipedia > Photon

wikipedia > Infrared

[Apfelsine22]

@007rosin Ahhhhhh...it's so much funnier already :) the mean language barrier struck again, but now I'm fine :D

[2Solista]

@Apfelsine22 LMAO @ boton, it's photon ND GIIGLE IT LOL

[gilless429]

Some people don't understand all the jokes really ? I mean it's basic physics and culture (Shroedinger's cat). I laughed my ass off at all of them but the superconductor, neutrino, and cat ones were the best in my opinion.

[maxsilbert]

i just nerded all over the floor...it was messy

[GoblinXXX]

"Groaning is acceptable: The joke is sound." =)

[420lightmyspliff420]

sigh.... truely bad jokes

[SheryeS]

@geoog1 he says were "staph" as in staphylococcus aureus or any other staph :)

[geoog1]

i assume it's a language-barrier-thing since i'm not a native speaker, but could someone explain the bacteria joke ("we're staff")?

[00Screenager00]

A man walks into a bar and asks how much for a pint of Adenosine Triphosphate, the bartender says "That's 80p"

[anillatoo]

@00Screenager00  I don't get the joke?

[pomeroy600287]

A neutron walks into a bar, and asks the bartender how much a beer costs. The bartender says: "for you, no charge."

[kidi1232]

biology jokes are lame

physics jokes FTW!

[Kakarot21591]

If ONLY Isaac Asimov wrote a jokebook... (Does anyone know if he actually did?) Then my life would be complete...

[sciencecomedian]

@Kakarot21591 Asimov did put out a few humor books. A couple collections of limericks and, I think, some others.

[ApneaApe]

@Kakarot21591: I can´t help you with jokes by Asimov, but maybe you´d like a song he wrote the lyrics to. Just search YouTube for "Paradimethylaminobenzaldehyde­".

[Zaltor2]

This jokes are quite funny but I can't tell any of those to anyone I know

[KrappiTheClown]

@Zaltor2, find some friends you can tell them to. Trust me, it's worth it.

[00TheImmortal00]

I find these jokes funny usually but his delivery is just terrible

[Ivka272]

103 people are interested in fashion :D

[cornishphilosopher]

heleum walks into a bar

barman said we don't serv your kind here

Heleum dosn't react

[maxell1221]

I must be a huge geek since I almost died of laughter! Two thumbs up!

[Ambidextrometer]

You know the old saying; out with the old, in with the nucleus.

[foroparapente]

This guy would be good if he didn't talk like Woody Woodpecker and pulled a rabbit face.

[Quintinia]

Helium walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here!" Helium doesn't react.

[ejgj333]

schrodinger's cat ! Brilliant!!!

[eggiex1]

The audience finds the last joke funny... and doesn't! M I DOING IT RITE???

[EllieF314]

i love nerd jokes.

[rhov233]

@EllieF314 That can only mean one thing. You are a NERD. :) We are many. Welcome to the community.

[EllieF314]

@rhov233 I have my own labcoat. I am definately a nerd.

[Rhioah]

I didn't even get the last 2... lol

[SZDarkhack]

@Rhioah At the risk of ruining the jokes, here you go: Neutrinos have no charge and practically no mass, therefore they react with matter extremely rarely. Most of the time they just... pass through it. Schroedinger's cat is the protagonist of a thought experiment that portrays quantum states. Just like a particle can be for example up and down at the same time before you check it, a cat enclosed in a box can be both alive and dead at the same time until you check. So there, i hope that helps :)

[Rhioah]

@SZDarkhack It did : D

[chaosopher23]

I laughed so hard that beer came out me nose!

[CHAOZmaster1]

@chaosopher23 sciency redneck, nice

[WTFisAuserFRCKINname]

Glad I'm not a nerd

[xDexBoy]

@WTFisAuserFRCKINname You'r glad your too stupid enough to not get these jokes? Lmfao dumbass.

[WTFisAuserFRCKINname]

@xDexBoy You are obviously the dumbass, dumbass. I said I'm glad I'm not a fucking nerd, like you. I said that because I don't make lame ass jokes like this loser in the video. My guess is you're even more of a loser since you're backing him up. Oh, and at least I can spell "you're"..... Dumbass.....

[Xado147]

@WTFisAuserFRCKINname

IF you don't like science jokes, why did you view this video? ... I just... I don't get it ... I can't tell who the dumbass here ...

[AxCWs]

An Irishman walks out of a bar!

HAHAHAHAHA

[MegaTrafficCone]

Okay, so an electron walks into a bar. He orders protons. When he asks the bartender how much it costs, the bartender says, "For you, no charge."

:D



[SirTeeGeeEss]

Proud to have got them all.

The neutrino one was especially good.

[SuperThatGame]

I feel like a super nerd. I understood every friggin joke.

[EgosumParduas]

absolutely fucking brilliant!

[SylvianLight]

What is sad is that people are too bigoted to realize this guy lives in the United States and in this very video is performing in front of Americans who are understanding the jokes and laughing.

[KrappiTheClown]

@SylvianLight, I sometimes think that all those 'Americans are stoopid' comments reflect our ("we" being Europeans) subconscious fear that America will one day stop being a leader in science, technology, commerce and culture.

[shinigami219]

Bazinga!



[kingofqwerty]

I found the setups for the jokes was the funniest parts

[formulaz111]

the last one with schrödingers cat was hilarious,by the way i don't see why someone wouldn't understand them,i'm not a physicist i'm studying computer engineering in greece(1st year) i know these things and i'm not even a good student

[sreeshankarlal]

@formulaz111 Don't show off

[Koenma007]

@formulaz111 Right? People seem to be so afraid of science. I rly dont know why... =/

[MorgyBlack]

the last one is genius

[mooseasaurusrex]

I now know what un-funny is.

2 guys walk into a bar. You'd think the 2nd one would have seen it and ducked.

[manrayer88]

A baby seal walks into a club

[xxxlittlebunny007xxx]

Got them all, even though english is my 3'rd language. Am I cool now? ;p

[asgard69]

schrödingers cat walks into a bar, it was a h-bar



[asgard69]

schrödingers cat walks into a bar, it was an h-bar

[emotevlog]

My cats behind the bar, and isn't, does that count?

[jonnyRYhollywood]

I tried to get a few, although I couldn't get some of the last few. Is this guy a professor by the way?

[tripfunkmonster]

A virus would make a successful CEO if it could wear a suit.

[DarkApteryx]

schrödingers cat walks into a bar, and also dosent xDDD

[MadaraXIII]

LMAO The super conductor leaves without putting up any resistance XD

I'm not gonna lie that was my fave. That and the Staph bacteria.

[Tradd9]

gold!

[azurescens420]

That's some funny shit!

[MutantNinjaFly]

I realize I understand all those jokes. I have no life......

[starynite50]

Teacher showed this in Biology 11 today

I was the only one who laughed at all of them XD